The Role Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman was playing a role…*
or
A fellow was playing a role…*
or
A woman was eating a roll….*
or
A fellow was eating a roll….*
*(Please note that minor variations to my first lines are acceptable. However, rhyme words may not be altered, except by using homonyms or homophones.)
Here’s my limerick:
The Role of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman was playing a role,
Pretending she golfed and could bowl.
But the sports-loving guy
She was out with could spy
And pin down her claim’s obvious hole.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bowling Humor, Competition Limerick, Dating Limerick, Golf Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Relationships Poetry, Sports Humor, Writing Prompts
A woman was playing a role
Her audience she hoped to cajole
But where there had been a packed room
Her performance left a vacuum
She sucked, and that’s not hyperbole
a woman was playing a role
shoveled kilos of coals
to keep the train running
and it really was stunning
that she didn’t burn her soles
You’re the frosting, and I am the roll
I’m the sum of all parts, you’re the whole
When you sigh, angels swoon
You’re the sun, I’m the moon
You’re appealing, but I’m on parole
An actor while playing a role
Forgot lines in the part of “King Cole”
“I’m embarrassed you see
I just needed to pee
So it forced me to borrow His bowl”.
A woman was playing a role
And was asked to take a stroll
She crossed the road
Saved a toad
Yet now the bells for her toll
A woman frets over her roll
“Fine dining,” she says “took its toll
Over par at each course
For I eat like a horse
Now I look like I’m ready to foal”
Young Hera was playing a role
That trusted her Zeus on parole
But acted unfair
And kept his affair
Well under her strictest control
A woman was playing a role
For her public with heart and with soul,
Though it wasn’t quite Shakespeare,
She had what it takes, dear,
To prance and to dance at a pole!
A woman was playing a role,
But finds herself out on the dole,
Her innocent acts
Were disproved by the facts
When all of the takings she stole.
a woman was playing a role
that began to take over her whole
she thought she was
reality did fuzz
and her own personality was stole
A fellow was eating a roll
‘Side a lady on a beautiful knoll
She sidled on up
To his lips put a cup
They embraced til out of control.
A woman was eating a roll
Said honey I’ll swallow it whole.
But you need to entice
Get me off of this ice
Can’t make love in a hole at the Pole.
A young intern’s career on a roll
Was cut short of achieving her goal
It seems Senator Bob
Was a lustful old slob
And the poor gal got caught on the Dole.
A woman was playing a role
Of a character quite droll.
Caught by the gendarme
Who twisted her arm
T’was a spy, many secrets she stole.
A fellow was playing a role,
In a con not unlike “whack-a-mole,”
Where he moved people’s cash,
From their pile to his stash.
I hear soon he’ll be out on parole.
A woman was eating a roll
Desire then rose in her soul
Got all worked up
Spilled her teacup
She sure took some time to console
A lady was eating a roll,
But it soon spiraled out of control,
Creating a vortex;
Her cerebral cortex,
Was sucked up into a black hole.
Obama was eating a roll
But he shoved the last piece down a hole
Saying Chef please don’t be hurt
I just loved the dessert
Coz chocolate is good for the sou
A woman is playing a role
Getting tourists to Asia’s her goal
The simple idea
Advance her Korea
Making bucks as she’s selling her Seoul
Still dancing the old Rock n Roll,
As he tosses about his long stole.
But come on Sir Mick,
The same tired schtick?
You’re starting to look like a troll.
A woman was cramming a roll
Down the depths of her gaping cake hole
Cinnamon buns –
The stickiest ones –
Were the trade that she made for her soul
A porn star was up for a role,
Till she noticed the size of his pole.
Never one to be shy,
She confirmed with the guy,
In this scene she must swallow it whole?
A fellow was playing a role,
Of Saint Nick’s helping elf from North Pole,
He’d play “Energy Traders,”
With the farty first graders.
“If you give Santa gas, you’ll get coal.”
from Patience;
A woman was eating a roll
she bought from an immigrant Pole,
she thought “its pierogi”
but the Pole was a bogie
his mackerel prawned off as a sole!
and The Prodigal:
A fella was playing a role
as Black Beauty, that elegant foal,
He overused his cane
and distroyed his own mane,
No Oscar; just drawing the dole.
Woody Gurthrie was eating a roll
When in blew that pesky dust bowl
So he wrote a sad song
And with the Oakies along,
Migrated to the next watering hole.
A woman was “eating a roll”
That’s sex talk for “pollish the pole”
And while I’m not fluent
“Mamada”s congruent
With both phrases en espanol
The hillsides may hummock and roll
And valleys will basin and bowl
But as far as I see
There forever will be
In the world, only one grassy knoll
William Tell and his son on a roll
At the Lucky Strike Lanes set a goal
T’ at least spare every frame
But their team had no name
So we don’t know for whom the Tells bowl
A hustler was playing a role,
Said he had no idea how to bowl,
But after a score
Of two-sixty-four,
He ended up wrapped ’round a pole.
So the hustler then tried a new role,
Printing money was now his main goal.
But, soon he’d discover
His bills were like rubber
And they bounced him right into the gaol.
While in jail he thunk up a new role:
“Warden, I’m a good friend of Bob Dole.”
Said Warden, “Get lost.”
Back in cell got tossed.
With a future that’s black as hard coal.
Oh, that hustler with all his new roles,
Thought he’d be rich and driving a Rolls.
Instead he’s a flunky
Works days like a donkey
And nights for those cons with big poles.
Steve Withred, ’twill be quite a chore
To top your rhyme ’bout the Tell’s score.
But, oh what a shame
That they have no name,
Worse than if arrow missed apple’s core.
A woman while playing a role
Cuffed her man to a barbershop pole.
To cut this tale short
I’m relieved to report
Straight-edge shaving uncovered the mole.
When choosing to eat an egg roll
consider the calorie toll.
11 grams of fat —
just think about that!
if you must limit bad Cholesterol.
for original artwork that goes with this and a reading see Egg Roll Limerick
An actor was playing the role
Of nasty pugnacious old troll
By shaking his spear
At everyone near
With Shakespeare his ultimate goal.
A fellow was playing a role
Of being a merry old soul.
But found he’s not very
Inspired as merry
And asked, “Would you settle for droll?”
An actor was playing a role
And not very well on the whole.
He missed all his cues
And received lusty boos.
Next time, Sir, don’t take on Guignol.
Well I believe in re-cycling…big wink
Two cyclists rehearsing their role
At”somebody’s” front door spy hole
Say “Open a crack
And there’ll be no lack
of butter to put on your roll”.
The woman in a high-class role,
With a pince nez, purse and a stole,
Really did look the part.
Too bad she let a fart;
The big blast took a heavy toll.
A golfer was out on a roll
With a nympho who wanted his pole.
Had sex thrice on the floor
But she still wanted more.
He yelled “What the hell’s par for this hole?!”
A fellow was playing a role
Of Satan eating in worm hole
When the worm
Raised a storm
And yelled “God damn your bloody soul!”
In the night we’ll still bump, grasp and roll,
Till we’re naked and out of control.
After seizing our pleasure,
We’ll repeat for good measure.
But at our age, this fun takes its toll.
I guess I can’t play out my role
Obeying the rhyming patrol
I fear I’m a tone-
deaf rolling stone.
Foregoing the pun, rock and roll.
“Baking Bread” Instructions for Old Folks
Step ONE: stroke, cajole, squeeze and roll
Soft dough with an eye to the goal.
Step TWO; watch it rise,
Not firm? improvise;
Preheat, yelling: “Fire in the hole!”
Put your loaf in the oven; don’t wait.
All is lost if’n you hesitate.
Plunge it in, say a prayer,
Sooth your bread (“Nice in there!”)
Got it in? That’s enough. Now deflate.
A woman was eating a roll*
When her finger slipped into a hole…
She’d been kneading a bun
And thought, “Might be fun
To hear doughboy my talents extol.”
A woman was playing a role,
In spike heels, false nails and mink stole
A heel broke, she stumbled,
Changed styles as she mumbled
It’s best to wear pants and go bowl.
A woman was eating a roll
Hungry after a long day’s stroll
It tasted delicious
Her dieting, fictitious
She gobbled some more, losing control.
Now Alice was on a big roll
When she tumbled down that rabbit hole
She saw cards and mad hats
And cross Cheshire cats
And snails slowing a whole whiting shoal
An actor was given the role
Of the cowardly clown named Parolles.
But the job he did fail
And he then went to jail
For his shockingly profane paroles.
A fellow was eating a roll
while trying to pay a bridge toll.
The car hit a bump
which made his arm jump
and that’s why he swallowed it whole.
Belated Valentine Theme:
A fellow was playing a role
T’wasn’t the reviewers hearts he stole
When on bended knee
Opening night, after the finale
He proposed to one gal, his heart whole
(c) JP/davh
A hooker was eating a roll
With some soup in a crusty bread bowl.
“That’s way too much bread
For one lunchtime” she said
“But I’ll soon work it off on my stroll”.
An actress made up for a role
In red lipstick and one tiny mole
Kept the script for her part,
Won a young actor’s heart,
So the show was not all that she stole.
A joker was playing the role
Of a gravedigger digging a hole.
The doc was called in
To check out his skin
Because he had found a large mole.
A man played a minor (wink) role
As a Yorkshireman facing the dole.
“If t’pit gets shut down
There’s no ‘ope for this town
And we’ll all be sunk deeper in th’ ole”.
A cantering fantasy role:
Riding bareback through hollow and knoll.
A gallop: More speed,
Yielding all to the steed.
And a stumble? Dismounting to foal.
Deathbed suitors all playing the role
Of his partner, a wealthy old soul
Hones his radar for tarts—
One arrives, one departs—
And he calls it “heir traffic control.”
Paying 10 bits for a roll
Ed looked way out of control
His aim was awry
With tear in her eye
she said that’s the twelve-dollar hole
Some fossil requested a roll
Of film from a digital soul,
Unripe little brat,
Who said, “Batt’ry with that?
Or’s your camera powered by coal?”
When a singer’s rehearsing a role
“Know every song backwards!” he’s tol’.
That’s why tenors hunger
For “Springtime Than Younger”
And basses for “River Man Ol’ “
I Spy a nut playing a role:
My UNCLE, a “CIA mole.”
He Bonds to his visions
Of Impossible Missions.
He’s Smart, but he’s out of Control.
Aretha just hates her old role
So she drinks and gets out of control.
She’ll curse and she’ll fight
And make insults all night
Meet Aretha, the Queen of Ass-soul.
The cop thought this couple might roll,
And give up the goods that they stole.
First he showed wife with Jack,
Then Tim never looked back,
He just pinned the whole crime on Nicole.
More ” Baking Bread Instructions” for Old Folks:
Still kneading more? Well let it rest,
Then start again adding more zest.
Let sleeping dough rise,
Cause that would be wise,
These second times often are best!
He just wanted something to roll
And invented the wheel. How droll!
He thought he would be
So entirely free
But then someone invented the toll.
An actress was playing a role
And played it with heart and with soul.
And (Heaven forgive ‘er!)
Played the role with her liver,
Her stomach, her kidney, her hole.
The woman greedily ate the roll
that was kept by her cereal bowl
it tasted so nice
full of chillie and spice
Oh!on her stomack did it take a toll!
In fairy tale verse there’s a role
For a fella they call Old King Cole.
He called for his fiddler,
But only to diddle ‘er
That’s why he’s a merry old soul.
Cinderella was eating a roll
In the kitchen while sweeping up coal”
But in walked the Prince
And Oh boy did he wince
When the slipper came apart at the sole
An actress was dressed for her role
Playing Blanche who was not a Creole.
But the unwanted guest
Soon felt underdressed.
Seems Stella had stolen her stole.
A child was dressed up for the role
Of a Baltimore (bird) oriole.
The colours were right
For Halloween night
So candy flowed into his bowl.
The Goal not The Pole 19.02.2013
A woman was playing a role
Pretending she was her son’s goal
The lad said: “look Molly!”
And kicked such a volley
His mom took a roll to the pole.
It’s too late when he sees there’s no roll,
And he’s anal retentive, poor soul.
Might nature recall
What once she let fall
And he suck it back in from the bowl?
An actress was seeking a role
A particular part was her goal
She really did want
To play a croissant
She didn’t want just any old roll!
Some folks say of the ‘ma and pa’ role
“That’s when movies were healthsome and whole”
And we know that they mean
There’d be blacks on the screen
If a Kettle got covered with coal
A woman was eating a roll
That was baked in the woods by a troll
It was full of black magic
And her life became tragic
When she found she’d turned into a mole.
A young sportsman playing the role
Of an umpire was feeling the toll
He slipped on a thistle
And dropped his new whistle
Then bent over and shot the first goal.
I’m tired o stories re roll
Of lavatory paper and bowl
Please don’t talk to me
Re “doubleyousee’
I suggest you re-elevate your goal.
Jamie,
Your anal retentive should roll
Beyond such a self-centered goal.
In this world full of crap,
You can’t put a cap
On the sphincters you need to control.
The Red Sox they’re on quite a roll,
Their talent and grace we extol,
But then we remember,
As we enter September,
Like clock work they’ll lose all control.
You jokers are all on a roll,
Making potty poetics the soul
Of our limerick joy
What a gas! (Or a ploy
To eliminate turds from our whole.)
You’d have thought he was playing the role
Of blind soccer announcer, poor soul.
Before it was in—
Unforgiveable sin—
He’d erupt, blurting “Goooooaaaaal!”
What a letdown was Ms. Jackson’s role
In the 2004 Super Bowl.
I’ve examined YouTube —
You can barely see boob!
(And certainly no aureole!)
The Madden twins are on a roll
When touring the world as a whole
If you have enough energy
You might prefer Benji
But others would much prefer Joel.
A woman was playing a role,
’bout a stripper who danced ’round a pole.
When she fell on her butt,
a loud fart she did cut.
Such embarrassment was not her goal.
While reading the old Ed C Scroll
Missed the news re the Ed Conti roll
He’s definitely not canned
So bring out the band
Congratulations from near the South Pole.
The gator took Joe on a death roll
A future meal was his sure goal
tho the action got rough
future victim was buff
Now Joe’s baggage is out of control
The horses were having a roll
Flying hay was out of control
the milkers all mooed
while the mare cooed
Now they’re stuck raising a foal
I just couldn’t get on a roll
This week I fell short of my goal
Which is: “Be so damn funny
That Mad gives me money.”
(Or at least get the ol’ gal to LOL)
A man who was playing a role
Won an oscar portraying a troll
In “Three Billygoats Gruff”
The scene got a bit rough
Being butted 10 takes took it’s toll.
You click on a link and “Rick Roll”
Rick Astley has taken control
An internet prank
Where the video stank
And the joke never seems to get ol’
And, possibly the best Rick Roll of all time!
A fellow was playing the role
Of excutive, long-cherished goal.
“When I met with resistance
I sought Satan’s assistance;
Oh, and all that I paid was my soul!”
An actor was fired from the role
Of a bullfighter overly droll.
For he just couldn’t say
Words that ended in é
So his “Bravo” coming out “Ole.”
Sorry! Left out a word in the last line. The correct version is:
An actor was fired from the role
Of a bullfighter overly droll.
For he just couldn’t say
Words that ended in é
So his “Bravo” kept coming out “Ole.”
The stadium started to roll—
A great ball taking lives as its toll.
Said a lone engineer:
“I’d warned you, a sphere
Is the sum of a dome on a bowl.”
Humpty Dumpty was playing a role
Of an egg on a wall by a pole
He said as he modelled
“By Gad I’ll be coddled
If I slip off and land in the bowl”
Oh Daniel was born for this role.
As Lincoln he showed his control
Of the script and the story,
With all of it’s glory.
No wonder he’s one we extol.
A deaf old hooker having a roll
Cried out, and her customer Noel
Said, “Are you distraught?”
She said, “No, I just thought
Instead of paying you’d gone for a stroll.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, the Limerick Repartee Award Winners, and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 102.
But don’t worry — you can still have lots of limerick fun, because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Drone.