Bright Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 11:59 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A woman who wasn’t too bright…*
or
A fellow who wasn’t too bright…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Bright Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Met a fellow who wasn’t quite “right.”
They wed, had a kid—
High IQ — off the grid.
Please don’t ask “Who’s the dad?”— Impolite!
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Children Humor, Competition Limerick, Intelligence, IQ Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Limerick, Moms & Dads Limerick, Mothers & Fathers Humor, Parenting Humor, Parents, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Electorally leaned to the right
And to be sure they’d find her
She put herself in a binder
But the election result was a fright
Corrected:
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Went out in the rain with a kite
His wet clothes, wasted time
Surely won’t earn a dime
But having discovered electricity might.
A woman who wasn’t too bright
could sure get a laugh all right
Her logic was spacey
We all called her Gracie
And George told her “Just say goodnight.”
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Liked to drink at the bar and pick fights
But his throwing of fists
Got the wrong man quite pissed
And left him wond’ring who turned out the lights
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Thought she found a man who was just right
He whispered “Ooh, baby!”
She replied “Call me, maybe?”
She never saw him after that night
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Thought babies were fashioned at night.
She thought sex in the day
Kept the stork at bay;
And, for a couple of months, she was right.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Ate an apple to learn wrong from right
That his girlfriend had picked
But the fellow was tricked
And got kicked out of Eden that night
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Had casual sex when he might,
But now has detected,
With crabs he’s infected,
And scratches wherever they bite.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Sought pleasures while high as a kite.
He’d bring home these beasts,
And enjoy wicked feasts,
Then awake with sheer fear of the sight.
A fellow who was’nt too bright
Bonked a hooker he thought was alright
But alas and alack
His willie turned black
And his scarlet balls looked such a fright.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Read a sex book by Ms. Shere Hite
It started with kissing
But the last half was missing…
There was nothing but foreplay all night…
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Checked to see why a bulb wouldn’t light
Stuck his finger in the socket
Learned nothing could block it.
He’s now known as poor Rudolph. What a sight
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Took a fellow to bed one night
She gave him her charms
And heard the alarms
But he skipped out of sight and left her contrite.
A woman who wasn’t too bright,
Decided to take a flight.
She packed here gear,
And with a shake of her rear,
She sure flew a kite
A woman who wasn’t too bright
When asked by twin guys if she might
Take them both for a spin
Replied “Sex is a sin!”
They convinced her two dongs make a right.
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Met the Wong twins, who asked if she might
Take them both for a spin
She said “Sex is a sin!”
They convinced her two Wongs make a right.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
tried hard with all of his might
to woo a large lass
who showed him her ass
and the poor fellow just died of fright.
(with apologies all around)
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
wrote a verse some thought impolite
With apologies around
bad vibes still abound
It’s the couch that I’ll be on tonight
(Sorry I haven’t been around a lot recently, but with school, kids, holidays and everything else, I have been really strapped for time.)
Anyway…
A woman who wasn’t too bright
didn’t stop at a red traffic light.
See, she outraced a cop
for ten miles, nonstop,
‘cause she thought at high speed she’d take flight.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
thought that Shakespeare – somehow – he’d rewrite:
“To thine own self be true
if Mac’s Beth is a shrew!”
His audiences exeunt stage right.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
held a bomb which he planned to ignite.
But what happened to him
and his dimwitted whim
was he forgot the matches to light.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Lit a candle to give him some light
For without electricity
He had thought it felicity.
The poor fellow, on fire, took flight.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Was determined, a lim’rick to write
But he’s “frozen boot numb”
“Half a bubble off plumb”
So he couldn’t, try hard as he might
Also with apologies to all:
Dear Jesse – you’re not very bright:
For your words may just come back to bite.
Johanna don’t miss none
And (trust me on this one)
You’ll find yourself deep in the shite.
Proctologists’ outlooks aren’t bright.
They’re gloomy, as black as the night.
They’re depressed, and why not?
In despair they are caught,
Because always the end is in sight.
Just thought I’d give you this one, you may heard it before – it’s the only academese/intellectual Limerick I’ve ever heard. Told (repeatedly) by my late grandfather who was a Doctor of Lit from Oxford University and wrote biographies of German Literary figures.
A tiger with tastes anthropophagus,
felt a yearning inside his oesophagus.
When he spied a fat Brahmin,
he said, “There’s no harm in
a peripatetic sarcophagus”.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Plus a little short on height,
Extended his hand,
To his boss’s gland,
And began shaking until he saw white.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Sought anyone who wanted to fight
He thought he was tough
Until someone called his bluff
A spouse now causes him fright!
.
A kitten who wasn’t too bright
Would meow throughout the night
His master told her to scoot
With his foot gave her the boot.
By the window now howls in a fight.
A gal neither sober or bright
Found her cigarette needed a light.
She felt any old fire
Would complete her desire.
Oh My! How she lit up the night.
A fellow who was not very bright
For a bet went and swallowed cordite
This internal corruption
Caused an arsole eruption
And his balls were blown out of sight.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Thought his wife was pure and upright.
But the cute, young hussy
With morals unfussy
Made love to five men every night.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Sat and stared at FOX News each night.
He watched O’Reilly,
Always entirely,
And quoted the blithering blight.
A rich guy who wasn’t too bright
Married a gal he thought was right.
But then one day
While he was away,
She stole his belongings, and ran out of sight.
A woman who wasn’t too bright,
would only orgasm at night.
‘Cuz once she had read,
that you have to be dead,
before you can come to the light.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
was talking while sleeping last night,
‘til his wife yelled “You Cad!
Who the hell is Miss Mad?
And why must your meter feel right?”
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Tried improving at school ev’ry night.
Told, “Spell coffee,” he tried
And he answered with pride,
“K-A-Double U-P-H-Y. Right?”
A fellow who isn’t too bright
Hires a butler who isn’t top flight.
Lifting wine on his left,
Of a clue he’s bereft,
As he toasts, “To my being served right!”
A fellow who was’nt too bright
Had sex with his Mum’s Bobwhite
His assault on this Quail
Caused it’s flavour to fail
Till it tasted like Lepidolite
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Howled at the moon every night.
The coyote drug him away
His wife left town the next day.
Now he’s a happy but pitiful site.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Leaped off a cliff with a kite.
He fell in a river,
Which caused him to shiver,
Saying “n n next t time I must need m m more height”.
A fellow who was’nt too bright
Spends most of his time getting tight
Has the brains of a rabbit
And as well a bad habit
Making love to an old sodomite
‘A fellow who isn’t too bright’;
That’s the view that you have of me, right?
Well, you’d best think again
When you see that Mad Kane
Names me prize-winner, next Sunday night.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Refuelled while striking a light.
There were parts of him cast
Over an area vast
And his balls were blown out of sight.
A young faggot who was’nt too bright
Had a dong that bent to the right
To get it right in
Was a trauma for him
Not to mention his bum buddy’s fright
A sheepshagger who was’nt too bright
Took his “Baaabara” to a cliff edge one night
For this halfwitted Queerys’
Brain had the theory
That she might back up harder in fright.
Bear with me…
A Fellow who wasn’t too bright
Tried to use the loo without a light
To the outhouse he went
The moon barely a cresent
And never came in, from the night
JP/davh
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Tried to convince us with all his might,
As our prez, we’d ascent,
Then, dissed forty-seven percent,
With his spite, he’s now outasite!
a man who wasnt so bright
you could tell by his dim light
pull his chain
and watch it drain
the lightbulb all grey with blight
A labourer who was’nt too bright
Swallowed some nails on site
Which played hell with his arse
And when one he did pass
His screams could be heard through the night
A fellow who was’nt too bright
Had a recurring erection each night
As he did’nt aspire
To sexual desire
He just used it for flying his kite.
Up top she was’nt too bright
But her musical flair was alright
She could use her clitoris
To churn out the chorus
Of Christmas Hymn “Silent Night”
A woman who was’nt too bright
A Fertility Pill took one night
In 9 months and a day
She had triplets they say
A Mite, a Sprite and a Fright.
Her suitor, who wasn’t too bright,
Took no hint when she didn’t requite.
So she tried to be candid,
But he only demanded:
“How long till the swine will take flight?”
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Went out to a party one night
But how could he guess
It was not fancy dress
And his Adam suit just wasn’t right?
A donkey who wasn’t too bright
gave a ride to a cockatoo white
They conversed in Espanol
sang in tenor and alto
fell in love by evening candlelight
A woman who was’nt too bright
Would piddle 4 streams every night
She saw a physician
About her condition
Now the fly buttons’ gone she’s alright
A young gay who was’nt too bright
Said, “Marriage is right out of sight
I would rather instead
spend the time in my bed
with the backsides of Tom, Dick and Dwight.”
A woman who was’nt too bright
And whose twat was bent to the right
Lived in fear and dread
That she’d wind up dead
If a left angled cock came in sight
A naive young Hooker, not bright
Had a learning ability slight
At her first job of head
To the client she said,
“Do I suck or blow, which is right?”
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Kept confusing the left with the right
And decried the extent
47%
Had worsened the 1%’s plight.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Went to France on a transocean flight.
When the host introduced
M. Jacques Toulouse,
He corrected: “My jock is too tight.”
A fellow maliciously bright
Found a new way to act on his spite.
He was simply an ass
Till his wife wanted sass;
Then he smilingly switched to polite.
Craig and Jesse, for those who are bright,
Ass measurements fail to excite,
Cuz we know that the main
Sex organ’s the brain,
But I’m glad lower life forms have sight.
A woman who isn’t too bright
Appears on that “Jersey Shore” blight.
There’s a lyrical thing
About thoughts taking wing.
With Snooki, they canceled that flight.
An old fellow not now very bright
Thought of sex from the day he could bite
But old age sad to say
Whittled all that away
Till his sex drive was not worth a shite
An old Aussie that was’nt too bright
Sniffed coke by day and by night
Till the day came he died
And Crematorium fried
The smoke put the mourners in flight.
A young fellow was’nt feeling too bright
After zipper had caused him a fright
With that bloody great shock
To the head of his cock
No way he’ll be shagging tonight
A young fellow who was’nt too bright
Was kissing his girl goodnight
When her panty elastic
Snapped and went spastic
Now his left eye is black as the night.
A banker who wasn’t too bright
Foreclosed ev’ry mortgage in sight,
And the vacant abodes
Invited in loads
Of squatters, and neighborhood blight.
An investor who wasn’t too bright
Decided that it was alright
For 401k’s
To chase the next craze
& buy not at the trough, but the height.
Some pollsters who weren’t very bright
Bought into the spin of the Right,
And all of those guys
Got quite a surprise
On Election Day, late in the night.
A toothless old hooker not bright
Reached the stage of not caring her plight
She’d declare without shame
All cocks are the same
Whether Polish, Chinese or Shiite.
An old whore who was’nt too bright
Thought her knickers had some kind of blight
But on closer inspection
She found on reflection
It was forgotten and rotten old shite.
An old woman who was’nt too bright
And whose joints were full of calcite
To a rapist said, “Ducky
you sure are unlucky,
for my legs won’t open tonight”
An Alaskan who was’nt too bright
Had the heaviest prick in Klondike
They figured it’s immensity
Times squared with it’s density
Was the key to it’s weight and it’s might.
Poor Angus did not seem too bright
When ‘Two and a Half Men’ he did spite
This high-paid child actor
Is now a detractor
Yet paychecks make everything right.
A light bulb that wasn’t too bright
Needed changing to light the dark night
How many men needed
Responded when heeded?
None. Men can’t change- that’s their plight.
So the light bulb remained dark, not bright
Still needing a change to make light
How many teens asked
Arose for the task?
None, though I nagged a fortnight!
The dim light bulb burned none too bright
A new one would cast much more light
So now who would do it?
I finally said ‘screw it’
and did it myself just last night.
Once a limerick walked into a bar
Where conversations never goes far
The gal to his right
wasn’t quite right
having left her kid out in her car
Patience says;
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Used a scouring pad in the night,
She scoured and she scrubbed
her whole scullcap she rubbed,
Not a single grey hair left in sight.
and the Prodigal:
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Wrote Limericks far from polite,
He then tried his entry,
Didn’t get past the sentry
He wont even come second tonight.
A longprong who was’nt too bright
Propositioned a Hooker one night
She agreed to coition
But on the condition
His insertion was ever so slight
A Paraplegic not usually bright
Round whose dick was a blowfly in flight
Gave his Nurse a loud call,
“Quick, tickle my ball,
and I’ll plaster the prick to the light”
Two Paddys who were’nt very bright
Watched a dog lick it’s balls one night
Pat said to Nat,
“Wish I could do that”
And Nat said, “Don’t try, he might bite”
A woman who wasn’t too bright
Said her red state would surely vote ‘right’
When she picked up the papers
She swooned from the vapors
Her state had turned blue overnight.
A terrorist who was’nt too bright
Gave his body the treatment one night
The hidden live rocket
That went off in his pocket
Blew the family jewels out of sight.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Drew ‘pictures’ – blank sheets. just pure white.
Asked ‘What’s that?’ or ‘Why?’,
His standard reply
Was ‘An aircraft that’s just out of sight.’
The Pope was’nt feeling too bright
Whilst taking his bath one night
Had his soul full of hope
But a hole full of soap
Only left him feeling like shite
He was naive and not very bright
And of sex knew not what he might
Until one day a chick
Fondled his dick
And he suddenly saw starlight.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright
Recollected the girl fast as light.
He departed one day,
But his relatives say
That his brain cells had failed to ignite.
So instead of the previous night
(The result from our lady named Bright),
He went missing for years
Downing Cheetos and beers —
What was left of his mind then took flight.
[For those who don’t know it (NO, this is NOT part of my submission, neither is it eligible for votes) it’s my reference, one of the all-time classics of the genre:
There was a young lady named Bright,
Whose speed was far faster than light;
She started one day
In a relative way,
And returned on the previous night.
— A. H. Reginald Buller in “Punch” (Dec. 19, 1923)]
That fellow, not overly bright,
Who, when faced with an ass, died of fright?
It’s good he’d not seen
My Nativity scene
Or he’d never have met her that night.
A vicar who wasn’t too bright
Said, “Our next hymn is ‘All Through the Day’ ”
This ‘clerical’ error
Could not be unfairer
Coz my Limerick now doesn’t sound right. :(
A young fellow who was’nt too bright
Was born with a dick very slight
On a cold winters day
It would shrink right away
Until resembling a miniscule mite.
A fellow who was’nt too bright
Tugged at his tool day and night
Till the size of his dong
Grew so thick and strong
That the hookers who saw it took fright
World affairs are not looking too bright
With bad news reported each night
Now worlds’ end is the rumour
So let’s keep our humour
And hope that the Mayans ain’t right.
This is not intended as an entry but just an early Christmas Greeting to all:
To Mad Kane and her followers bright
Who enter their Limericks each night
Now the season is nigh
My mate Radnoft and I
Wish all of you Christmas Delight.
A fellow who wasn’t too bright,
Used a hooker who was “Out-of-sight!”
But with glasses not on,
He was easy to con.
Soon his wallet and trollop took flight.
A prom queen was not very bright;
When told that she looked quite a fright,
She abandoned her post
And dressed up like a ghost,
For she thought it was Halloween night.
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week 90.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Urbane Limerick.