Trying Your Hand At Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying his hand …*
or
A woman was trying her hand …*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Trying Your Hand At Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A baker was trying his hand
At launching a rock and roll band.
He played the guitar,
And he hoped to go far.
But alas all his gig dates were panned.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Guitar, Limerick Contest, Music Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Rock & Roll, Writing Prompts
A fella was trying his hand
in ways we all understand
when selecting this verse
Madeline knew the first
would be of a self-pleasuring man
A woman was trying her hand
at singing in front of a band
On the first song
it didn’t take long
before she knew she would be canned
A fella was trying his hand
at the self-checkout line at Food Land
the first time he balked
when the checkout thing talked
he noticed his meat had been scanned
…
An inebriated guy was trying his hand
He finally set forth on a path ill planned
To steal in a steel box
The gold in Fort Knox
But sadly he was sobered by the Salvation Army Band!
Cosmology
A fellow was trying his hand
At a science that few understand.
While the pain of the thinking
Caused cerebral shrinking
The Universe continued to expand.
May be this is a better thought…
An inebriated guy was trying his hand
He finally set forth on a path ill planned
To steal in a steel box
The gold in Fort Knox
But sadly, he was clobbered by the Salvation Army Band!
A fellow was trying his hand
impressing a girl unplanned
Yet instead he did accost her
turns out she was the bosses daughter
So goes the story of his being canned
a fellow was trying his hand
on playing guitar in a band
but on long and short
forgot all the chords
and that made for a non-famous end
A lady was trying her hand
Caressing a bottom, well tanned,
She had been told that the cheek
Was exceedingly sleek
And experience confirmed it was grand.
The Mullah’s Hand
A mullah was trying his [own] hand
with cruel Koranic reprimand
he screamed, “Hand you offend
I can not comprehend,
your desire for that which is banned”.
Note: “Mullah“: an Islamic cleric often with legal authority in Muslim theocracies.
Laughing at JCosmo’s clever ditty. Thanks for the visit ;)
A fellow was trying his hand
At a formal, ornate ampersand
He had mastered the @
But was now thinking that
He’d be better off just using and…
A fellow was trying his hand
At dousing desires she’d fanned.
He took a cold shower,
But lost his will power.
He couldn’t just let matters stand.
Mark Kane has a beauty, here. Just a suggestion for fine-tuning:
A fellow was trying his hand
At dousing desires she’d fanned.
He took a cold shower,
To lose his will power –
He couldn’t let matters just stand!
A fellow was trying his hand
At leading a classical band
He waved his wand furiously
As musicians watched curiously
Their leader who fell off the stand.
A woman was trying her hand
At positions of physical demand
She raised her leg high
Over head to the thigh
But quit and said yoga be damned.
A fellow was trying his hand
At feeling a girl while quite canned;
She: ‘When you recover
You can be my lover –
Until then, all handling is banned!’
rapunzel was trying her hand
at seducing a spunk in the band
she dropped her thick braid
he was unsure became afraid
so she settled for love letters
in the sand
Another slant:
A rancher was trying his hand
On some of the broncs on the land,
And said to him, ‘Now, boy,
You can’t be a cowboy
Until you have eaten some sand.’
Poor Romney was trying his hand
At Foreign Affairs with a stand.
First he shot, then he aimed,
Spouting facts all disclaimed.
I don’t think this went as he planned.
A lady was playing her hand
deciding that she’d make her stand
with hole cards ace-three
she giggled with glee
and bluffed her way through with command
The lady again played her hand
And this time the pot was a grand
She got quite a rush
as she showed off her flush
her cleavage distracted as planned
A fellow was trying his hand
At creating a castle of sand
Trying all day,
But to his dismay,
All he got was burnt gland to gland
A fella was playing his hand
in that same pot of a grand
his hand was the pits
so he stared at her tits
they smiled just to beat the band
A fella was trying his hand
At politics as a firebrand
With his pure lack of focus
and sheer hocus pocus
his nickname was Dr. Grandstand
A fellow was trying his hand
Enticing he thought was tame
He succeeded
But overdid it
He’s now financially drained …
Hank
I hate these second thoughts – but maybe I should have had ‘A rancher was trying his hand’ in my one above, just to make it clear that it was a ranch hand I meant?
Note from Mad Kane: I made that “rancher” change for you.
A fellow was trying his hand
‘Cuz there weren’t any girls on his land
What? Leave the Ponderosa?
All he said was, “No sir.”
He liked his estate to be manned.
An ad man was trying his hand
at pitching a then-unknown brand
He smiled so with glee
as late night tee-vee
brought more order than they could stand
A young man was trying his hand
at riding his bike cross the land
Before he could roam
and kick up some loam
he learned how to raise the kickstand
A fellow is trying his hand
To dupe everyone in the land.
“Good thing they’re not smart;
They’d tear me apart.
My platform is built on quicksand.”
Those “dumb” people will soon have their say:
Arrogance and lying don’t pay.
They’ll go cast their vote
To declare, “Mitt, make a note.
You, lead the land? No damn way!”
Mittens was trying his hand
at running for Prez of the land
He picked a real creep
to run as his Veep
The drop in the polls was unplanned
A fellow was trying his hand
At plowing the fat of the land
His plow it got stuck
In thick fatty muck—
He never got rich as he’d planned.
A fellow was trying his hand
At living each moment unplanned
He just sees where he’s at
Does what’s needed, and that
Has worked out so far rather grand.
or
A fellow was trying his hand
With cooking that wasn’t so bland
The peppers he put in
Could have eaten tin
After first taste, there was no demand
A fellow was trying his hand
at making his member expand.
It worked rather well.
He said, “This is swell,
to know I can grow on-demand.”
A fellow was trying his hand
At smuggling in contraband
But a problem soon arose
With the container he chose
For the airline wouldn’t allow him to stand
A woman was trying her hand
At self-satisfaction (sans man)
But when her fingers slipped
T’was a sharp little nip
From the edge of her wedding band
A woman was trying her hand
Relaxing in the beach to get tanned
But as was her fate
She stayed too late
And developed rashes from sun and sand.
For Johanna:
The mattress guy found out first hand
That things rarely work out as they’re planned
The insensitive jerk
Is now looking for work
‘Cause his ass comment got his ass “canned”
King Cole was trying his hand
To live off the fat of the land
But when the old soul
Had no more in his bowl
He drew a long line in the sand.
If you’re thinking of trying your hand
A good limerick must be well planned
You need meter and rhyme
And you must end on time
Or you’ll have to re-edit it and …
Now the mattress-man’s trying his hand
At “a bit on the side” on demand;
Which has taught him to prize
Our wise woman of size —
‘Twas her crack made his “bitness” expand.
A fellow was showing his hand
for a future he hoped would be grand;
the gypsy just shook
and gave him a look–
by week’s end before death he did stand.
(I had trouble with the last line–still not really happy with it. I started with “the very next day he was canned” but then I thought maybe I’d try “within a week death showed his hand” followed by “within a week death shook his hand.”
But really, this whole limerick rhythm just throws me off.)
A woman was trying her hand,
And… howdy do! Strike up the band!
She’d filled in as a sub,
But beware — there’s the rub:
Now she fancies her fingers unmanned.
A preacher was trying his hand
To save a few souls in Sudan
The few who were liable
To like his dear Bible
Said they still preferred their Koran.
A student was trying his hand
At reading the work of Ayn Rand.
Though he tried to be civil
He cried out, “It’s drivel!”
He looked for “Huck Finn” but ’twas banned.
A fellow is playing his hand.
With a King and a Six he should stand.
Then she deals him a five,
And he just comes alive,
As he walks away with a cool grand.
A maiden was trying her hand
At carnal activity much banned.
She fingered his bum
With middle, index and thumb
To pleasure his deep-seated gland.
My first effort in a couple of weeks. I guess this shows where my mind is.
A novice cook trying her hand
At baking could not understand
Whence came the foul smell
Thus, her souffle’ fell
And dinner did not go as planned.
Her husband still gave her a hand
And said that the effort was grand.
“There’s no need to shout,
“Instead, let’s go out
“Get takeout at some taco stand.”
A fellow was trying his hand —
A guitar riff he’d carefully planned.
The West Village, though, chose
Him to play, heaven knows,
In his strumming to, well, beat the band.
A fellow was trying his hand
At counting his euros and rand
But the thing that is funny
With all this strange money
Is it’s useless in Christmas Island.
A fellow was trying his hand
At something to go as he planned.
“I sit when I piss.
I otherwise miss.
My girl says she’ll teach me to stand!
a fellow was trying his hand
but the chaffing felt quite like sand
some lotion to ease
the motion to grease
and easy off came—his wedding band..
haha…sorry having a bit of fun…
A fellow was trying his hand
At building a nudie bar brand.
But he made too few hires.
With his clients’ desires,
Supply was outstripped by demand.
A poet was trying her hand
At a limerick that wouldn’t get panned:
The rhymes were a breeze;
She contrived them with ease.
Too bad the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line didn’t scan!
Madeleine – may come back – a bit pressed tonight; they are all so good. k.
A woman was trying her hand
At stealing her neighbour’s hus- band
She said “Love come with me
Your wife’s weak as pee
And we’ll go on a good one night stand”.
A Judge was trying his hand
at entering the political land.
But the pockets he picked
belonged to his district.
So they threw him out on his can.
The pianist was trying his hand
At getting the lay of the land,
But while nursing his gin
The trombonist slid in
And floored her with “Hey, Baby.” Grand!
A friend of mine once tried his hand
Selling frozen treats down by the sand.
But the end of the summer
Killed business – a bummer!
Yes last night it was Custard’s Last Stand.
A blogger was trying his hand
At limericks that others could stand
His rhymes weren’t quite right
His meter a blight
And they always ended so bland.
A fellow was trying his hand
At elections for leading this land,
But his off-cuff remarks
Had re-kindled sparks
Now he’s fighting the fires that he fanned.
A comedienne trying her hand
At humor that wasn’t so canned
Learned the laughter dies down
When you rip off your gown
And yell, “Stereophonic jug band!”
Just call me stupid….When I typed my limerick in, I used an old, and inferior, last line. Never type when you’re tired. Here’s the real thing:
A poet was trying her hand
At a limerick that wouldn’t get panned.
The rhymes were a breeze;
She contrived them with ease.
If only the doggone-son-of-a-jumping-frog last line had scanned.
thank you for always giving me a smile, maddy.
A fellow was trying his hand
at smuggling in contraband.
But he was such a fool
that he didn’t know “mule”
meant his illegal drugs would be “canned”.
My friend Charley was trying his hand
At hitch-hiking cross this great land.
But he busted both thumbs
And ran out of Tums:
Both of which were completely unplanned.
A clock was trying it’s hand
At changing the rate they panned.
The minute was too fast.
The hour quickly passed.
They broke, not how it was planned.
The scansion is badly forced, but:
A woman was trying her hand
At acting in Hollywood Land
With “The Light Brigade”
Her name was made:
Olivia de Havilland.
nice one, Bruce :)
I took out “[own]” in my previous submission. See my post here. I hope resubmits are allowed. So the limerick is now:
The Mullah’s Hand
A mullah was trying his hand
with cruel Koranic reprimand
he screamed, “Hand you offend
I can not comprehend,
your desire for that which is banned”.
A woman was trying her hand,
in an effort to just understand,
why religions made God as a man,
where fanatics just took up the plan,
and misogyny ravished the land.
I’m very late to the party this week.
A card-sharp was trying his hand
At bridge playing – thought it was grand.
Till he got in a jam
And was set in his slam.
The finesse didn’t work out as planned.
JzB
A fellow was trying his hand
At nudity, Isn’t life grand?
But after his fun,
All day in the sun,
It dawned on him — Should have pre-tanned.
The lady was trying her hand
At something quite new to her, and
She discovered she liked it
So, the higher she hiked it,
The more she found her hot self banned!
It’s easy, when trying your hand
At texting, to misunderstand.
If your eye adds a Y,
Any horn-hating guy
Could log off leaving you feeling panned.
A fellow was trying his hand
At winning the prize of the land
But when his privately held views
Began leading the news
The voters could not understand
A fellow was trying his hand
At how to be followed and fanned.
“It’s anyone’s guess,
He concluded, “Unless
There is something I don’t understand.”
A fellow was trying his hand
At building a castle of sand.
There came a tsunami,
To which his dear Mommy
Said: “Things may not work out as planned.”
A fellow was trying his hand
At boosting consumer demand.
“As Chair of the Fed,
However,” he said,
“I’m feeling outgunned and outmanned.”
A fellow was trying his hand
At arranging a hot one-night stand.
Said the lady: “Reports are,
Your Calvin Klein shorts are,
At best, insufficiently manned.”
A pharmacist trying his hand
At dealing in drugs that were banned
Thought, “Criminal? Nah!
I’m obeying the law—
The law of supply and demand.”
Thanks very much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners:
Limerick of the Week 80.
But you can still have lots limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Whiny Limerick.
An old fellow was trying his hand
Hoping flaccid old penis would stand
But twas useless you see
For at age 83
All the life had deserted that gland.
A fellow was trying his hand
at winning a job truly grand
Chosen by Mitt
to replace if he quit
Lord help us
the guy loves Ayn Rand
LOL! Thanks to Gary and Don for your fun (albeit post-deadline) limericks.