Limerick ‘Tude (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A moody young woman with ‘tude…*
or
A moody young fellow with ‘tude…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick ‘Tude
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A moody young model with ‘tude
Got involved with a dangerous dude.
He shot her undressed
And later confessed:
“Her depression kept killing the mood.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Crime, Limerick Contest, Models Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Violence Limerick, Writing Prompts
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Had a curfew she really eschewed
Her mother said, “Ten!”
She laughed and said, “Men?”
Then sat back as her mom came unglued.
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Went shopping to put herself in the mood
She squandered her husband’s money,
Then called him and said, “Honey,”
Now you’re one broke dude!
A moody young actor with ‘tude
Was reluctant to play Edwin Drood
“When it comes to this Dickens
“There are very slim pickin’s,
“And check out the ending, we’re screwed!”
Oh gosh, I got a good laugh out of that, I have to admit. I came over from Poets United.
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
In a castle in Denmark would brood
Till one day he felt
That his flesh might just melt
And resolve itself into a dude
(By Bill and Ted)
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
Thought the orchestra ought to be booed
Which was not a smart call
At the prisoners’ ball
Starting Sunday his corpse may be viewed
A hot new young artist with ‘tude
Could only do concerts when stewed
His work was composed
When he wasn’t red nosed
Sober on stage? Screwed blue and tatooed!
Young bus riders copping a ‘tude
To their monitor were very rude.
Their bullying ways
Viewed online did amaze.
Both donations and scandal ensued.
The party host softened the ‘tude
That he’d had while preparing the food.
As he said to the medic
Who applied anesthetic:
“That’s the last time I barbecue nude!”
A moody young fellow with tude,
Didn’t care if he was rude.
He let out a toot
And a second to boot
Scarying away an old prude
A guy at the bar had a ‘tude
So the barman asked “Why the bad mood?”
“Well I found me a hottie
Who went down in the potty –
Then I found out that hottie’s a DUDE!”
Forgive me for having a ‘tude
But that rug cleaner ruined my mood.
I didn’t quite mind
That the cleaner was blind
‘Til I found out my dog’s been shampooed!
a moody young storm with a ‘tude
came into our lives and has screwed
us up with its’ breeze
that knocked down some trees
and ruined a fridge full of food
the songbird developed a ‘tude
and quite an unsociable mood
he stopped singing tunes
and tried writing runes
his efforts were thoughtful yet crude.
A recent divorcee with “tude
Thought she was done with the feud
But when she started to date
To find a new mate
Her “ex” would always obtrude.
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Influenced young ladies as a group
They went for a spin
Ended up confirming
That there were no such thing as prudes
Hank
…
Said a sultan with arrogant ‘tude,
“My whole harem is now in the nude,
For my pets have got nits
In their hairy armpits
And I’m having the pussies shampooed.”
an aging punk rocker with ‘tude
thought about performing nude
but all of the wrinkles
and too-frequent tinkles
made this an act he eschewed
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Was in the mood to hear Paul’s “Hey, Jude”
She took her sad song
Made it better ere long
Those nah-nahnah’s lifted her mood!
a moody young lass with a ‘tude
was bothered folks thought her a prude
“If only they knew
what I like to do”,
she thought as she whipped an old dude.
TYPO ALERT!!! “If only the knew” should be “If only theY knew”
(Note from Mad Kane: I fixed it for you.)
That songbird who had a bad ‘tude
Complained to the rest of the brood
“I have just had enough
And I don’t give a stuff”
So he sat on a branch and just pooed.
A friend of the songbird with ‘tude
Flew up to him and said “hey, dude…”
and pulled out his bong
to right much that was wrong
the happy bird then too-da-looed!
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Over ate on some Indian food
She’d belch and she’d crunch
And then ‘open her lunch’
So I’ll leave you to guess what ensued.
A moody young fellow with ‘tude,
was one of the morons that booed.
But if you get sick,
or are a just a big prick,
your condition is covered now, dude!
damn, ‘dudes’ are everywhere:-)
A moody young woman with ‘tude,
In line for the john, ballyhooed,
“Yo there, bride and your groom:
Get yourselves a real room.
There are others who want to be loo’d.”
[Note to New Yorkers: Change it to “on line”, if that makes you feel more at home!]
At the rest home, a nurse aide with ‘tude
Told her friends, “I don’t care if it’s rude…
Those old fogeys,” she grinned,
“Are three sheets to the wind.
And I don’t like my prunes when they’re stewed.”
Said a psychic with foretelling ‘tude,
“I would say that it’s safe to conclude,
That one day you’ll be rich
And although you’re a bitch,
Meet a tall, dark and good-looking dude.”
So this girl I picked up had a ‘tude.
We got naked, and she was so rude!
“What is THAT?!” giggled Brenda,
“You call that pudenda?
From the size, you should just call it ‘pud’ “
The Bolivian nympho had ‘tude
‘Cause she loved the way Latin men screwed.
“I get off on the ride
When I get Uruguay’d –
Also Chile’d, Brazil’d or Peru’d.”
A moody young artist with ‘tude
made a canvas all single-hued.
“I don’t care if it sells
You can all jump down wells”
This painter needs a quaalude.
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Went modelling all in the nude,
With all her ‘tude (atti)
She still was a fatty –
A mood that was rude then ensued.
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Received a proposal quite lewd –
Her mood wasn’t sunny,
She said, “Don’t be funny,
You are quite disgusting and crude!’
I’m a moody old guy with a ‘tude.
When I think of my age I get stewed.
You can ask me—that’s fine,
I’ll just say, “Thirty-nine.”
Won’t compute? Count these syllables, dude.
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
whose behavior was often quite rude,
was taken aback
when he uttered a crack
and found that the audience booed.
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Would string along dude after dude
She’d flirt and she’d tease
As if eager to please
But the lady stayed coyly unscrewed
A lim’ricker ‘veloped a ‘tude
his entries seemed always puh-pooed
no hon’rable mention
for pride of invention
his genius was so misconstrued
a fellow with quite an odd ‘tude
ahead of the schedule he spooed
“I tried a preventer
but shot ‘fore I’d enter
so now my whole night is palooed”
A sexy young woman had ‘tude;
Men would flock when she danced in the nude.
But her life made a lurch
When she stripped in a church,
So it’s now by the cops she’s pursued.
A young fella had quite a ‘tude
Rejected by a gal in a snood
She rationed her passion
by flashin’ her fashion
as though her bad taste was imbued
There was a young fellow with ‘tude
who came totally unglued
when the country’s highest Court
gave his health care lukewarm support
and ruled his diet legal if pre-chewed.
A racehorse who had quite a ‘tude
told other t-breds they were dog food
He didn’t back down
Until the Triple Crown
His buds and he got Seattle Slewed
An earnest young poet with ‘tude
Said, I know I’m about to be screwed
For posting so late
On Madeleine’s slate.
My poem won’t be liked or be viewed.
Said a fellow with notable ‘tude
I’m late and so I must intrude
I know there’s a queue
But that’s just for you.
As you see, I’m important, not rude.
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
Said, “Waiter please take back this food!”
Said the hostess, “My dear,
Please remember you’re here
And not at some restaurant, dude.”
A Moody Blues singer with ‘tude
Said, one Lazy Day, “I’m in the mood.
“If you don’t hem or haw,
“And you Ride My See-Saw,
“Then Your Wildest Dreams, score my Driftwood.”
There was a young woman with ‘tude,
Who wanted so much to get screwed,
She put out a want ad
Saying she was way bad,
But that only got her tattooed.
There was a young frat boy with ‘tude;
His ego had great magnitude
But ‘twas EZ2C
That this BMOC
Had no chance with the girls he pursued.
Bawled a Glenn Miller collector, with ‘tude,
“For rodents I ain’t ‘In the Mood’!
“Bought my kid a pet mouse, and
“Now my ‘Penn Six-Five-Thousand’
“And ‘Chatanooga-Cho-Cho’s chew-chewed!” :(
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
Let his sarcastic impression exude
To whomever happened to near
his volatile emotional sphere
Gathering many reactions of, “Dude..”
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Went out on a yacht that was crewed
By six randy guys
Who opened her eyes
To the pleasures of being pursued.
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Felt she was ready for a brood.
She preferred the refined,
But attracted the wrong kind,
So, in the end, she only got screwed.
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Refused to be seen in the nude.
On the night of her wedding,
When it came to the bedding,
The lights were discretely subdued.
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Requested her buttock tattooed
With advice to her ex,
And all of his sex:
I’d tell you but it’s really too crude.
A moody ‘young’ Baldwin with ‘tude
Called his young princess an
Animal that eats too much food.
Still he gets paid the big bucks
For his admirable talent of rude.
The song bird was still filled with ‘tude
When a rooster flew in to the brood
“I like you, you know
But whenever you crow
It makes me feel cock – a – doodle dood”
Little Miss Muffet, with ‘tude,
Would tell that old spider, “Get screwed!
“I hate all Arachnidae!”
Then, giving him a blackened eye,
“Stay outta my whey!” she’d conclude.
…stay outta my whey…lol.
A moody young starlet with ‘tude
Announced “I have always eschewed
The hotsy, the totsy,
The damn paparazzi;
I’m crude, some say lewd, but they’re rude!”
A moody young swimmer with ‘tude
When arrested (mid-stroke) in the nude,
As they dragged him away
Spouted, “Why did you say
Members hang out FREE? Whoa, pop a lude!”
What folks call you can influence ‘tude.
(My last name, mispronounced, can sound rude.)
You sound less like a fool
If you’re name’s really cool
Like that J Cosmo Newbery dude.
A passionate butcher with ‘tude,
Came home very much in the mood.
But while seeking relief,
She yelled, “Where’s the beef,”
Reducing his “flambé” to “stewed.”
A popular DJ with ‘tude,
Stayed one with the music and clued
To the moves on the floor,
As he fed them hard core
Pulsing music to heighten their mood.
A sports loving woman with ‘tude,
When randy could often be crude:
“Now play with my cunt,
And don’t you dare bunt.
It’s a home run I need from you dude!”
A musical woman with ‘tude,
Transposed him with whispers quite lewd,
Then lead him away,
For sensual play,
The climax — A fugue interlude.
So this girl shares my “body ink” ‘tude
And she gasped when we finally got nude.
“I just love the design
On your cock. It’s divine!”
Now I’m worried – my dick’s not tattooed!
Cute. I guess the moral is don’t bring the ‘tude to bed.
My limerick machine is broken down. But I’ll be back.
Moody young woman with ‘tude’
calls after prime minister ‘hey dude!’
How do you happen to propose,
country problems will be solved?
How much more must one get screwed?
Moody new prime minister with ‘tude
Asks the young girl not to intrude
To tell you the truth
He has no time for youth
Country has too many issues accrued.
A moody young bovine with ‘tude
Preferred that her cud be well-chewed.
While munching, her udder
Would quiver and judder
And all of her teats would protrude.
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
Once complained that he hated the food
Which was served at his school.
But the lunchlady’s rule:
You complain, you’ll be one hungry dude.
A moody young lady with ‘tude
Rose from bed in a horrible mood.
Without makeup or coffee
She looked like Khadafi,
And I’d say so, but that would be rude.
A moody young deb with a ‘tude
Found regattas could lighten her mood:
“Strokes and coxswains galore –
Each will put in his oar –
One can be so deliciously crewed!”
A sassy young lawyer with ‘tude
Realized that most folk called him crude.
Did this raise his dander?
Not when HE called it slander
And chortled “Now THEY can be sued!
A moody young husband with ‘tude
Decided one day to collude
With several known felons
To hijack some melons
For wifey, who said “Honey! Dude!”
A moody young maiden with ‘tude
Whose nethers became honeydewed
When her exposed melon
Was squeezed by Magellan
Pled “Visit my south latitude.”
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
Said I’m going out to get screwed
So that’s what he did
And heaven forbid
When he woke he was stewed and stripped nude.
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Met a guy determined to get screwed
So she took him to bed
In his drink dropped a med
Then departed the dude she outsmarted, how shrewd.
The sexy librarian’s ‘tude
Had a way of improving your mood:
You’d hand her a book
And receive such a look
That you felt both checked out and renewed.
A gloomy old Eeyore whose ‘tude
Was often described as subdued
Pooh-poohed this description
Because his prescription
For thistles had pricked up his mood.
Hollered Little Jack Horner, with ‘tude,
“Okay cop! I’m cornered! But got food!”
Then, extending one digit,
Snarled (… don’t fret, I’ll abridge it …)
“*!%!*”. (… the long version’s way, way too rude.)
Yelled Young Daughter Hubbard, with ‘tude,
“Put that bone back, Old Mother, be good!
“Else I won’t get a pass
“In Anatomy class,
“That skeleton is NOT doggie food!”
A jazz man with quite an odd ‘tude
His instrument lost when he flew’d
I checked my sax
I ain’t got no axe
so at his next gig he kazooed!
minor correction to previous:
A jazz man with quite an odd ‘tude
His instrument lost when he flew’d
“I checked my sax,
I ain’t got no axe…
so at my next gig I kazooed!”
A young man with a curious ‘tude
tried hard to describe his gal nude
He undid her bra,
and exclaimed “Fwoozhwah!
Would saying they smile be too rude?”
Fwoozhwah: sounds like bourgeois, but starts with an f
Humpty Dumpty was filled up with ‘tude
And decided that falling was rude
If he more than ambled
His yoke became scrambled
So he asked to be gently canoed.
A trombonist developed a ‘tude
His slide work was described as lewd
“I know what I see
when I go for low B
them gals in the audience oohed!”
Humpty Dumpty was filled up with ‘tude
and shrieked when the falling ensued
While all the king’s men
were at it again
but this time he got Super-Glued!
Nanny Fein developed a ‘tude
Saying Sheffield was not a cool dude
Her skirts hitched up higher
She lit a new fire
And the series was forced to conclude.
The songbird saw Humpty’s glued ‘tude
and sank to a most mellow mood
Perched in the thistle
he started to whistle
a minor blues jam thus ensued.
A moody young Hatfield with ‘tude
While engaged in an ongoing feud
With some upstart McCoys
Said, “I don’t like these boys
And I hope they’re the last of their brood.”
Slightly tweaked version of earlier submission
A moody young swimmer with ‘tude
When arrested (mid-stroke) in the nude,
As they dragged him away
Spouted, “Didn’t you say
‘Members hang out FREE’? Whoa, pop a lude!”
Dearest Madeleine: REVISION s’il vous plait
Said a sultan with spring cleaning ‘tude,
“My whole harem is now in the nude,
We are checking for nits
In their hairy armpits
And I’m having the pussies shampooed.”
And another REVISION thank you.
Said a psychic with foretelling ‘tude,
“After reading the cards, I conclude,
That one day you’ll be rich
And although you’re a bitch,
Meet a tall, dark and good-looking dude.”
Said Humpty to Songbird with ‘tude
“I don’t want to be misconstrued.
I’ve been feeling quite well
Since I fractured my shell
And Health Benefits all have accrued”.
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
(Named Hatfield) at noon interlude
Phoned a summons to Coy,
Just an Old Mountain Boy,
To partake of his drink and his feud.
SELF PORTRAIT
A grouchy old woman with ‘tude
Slumped, morose, in her wheelchair, and stewed,
“There is really no way
I’d be Friends’ choice today –
Fifty lim’ricks before me more lewd!”
The Gen-Z’er thought HE had the ” ‘tude”?
Well, that kid—from the barber shop shooed—
Had been pitchforked, hide-tanned,
Tarred and feathered … oh, and
And-the-horse-you-rode-in-on Fuck You’d.
The pilot, midflight, “copta” a ‘tude
As his MedEvac patient’s blood spewed.
“Sit tight—you’ll recover!
My mission’s to hover
While those chicks in that clearing tan nude!”
Count Limrikov took on the ‘tude
Of his inbred, degenerate brood:
“Though we lost the Great Game,
We attend our good name,
So Mad Kane and her poets we’ve sued.”
When a brewer who had a bad ‘tude,
Learned his clients had dissed what he’d brewed,
Said, “The swill tasted fine,
Much like old vintage wine!”
But without “proof” they just don’t get stewed!
Groaned Holmes to Watson, with ‘tude
“For once, dear boy, I’m unclued!
“My guts boil and bubble
“You’re a Doc, what’s my trouble?”
“Alimentary, dear Holmes,” Watson cooed.
Craig D got a bit of a ‘tude
And starting an insurance feud
When stuck in the door
“Of an overpriced store
Raised the premium when it renewed
A lawyer who had not much ‘tude
He once was the Opie’s dad dude
He so loved to sing
For that was his thing
Andy is gone, I’m subdued.
(as pronounced by someone with a head cold and stuffed sinuses….)
Contesteds strud odd wid a ‘tude
Duh dext wud’s today aroud dood
Five idda row
it’s Chestnud’s owed show
disgustigly shubs in da food!
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Thought it most incredibly rude
When others would cross her
She’d call them a tossa!
Such a failing of great magnitude.
A moody male model with ‘tude
Was chagrined when the audience booed.
On a catwalk he’d tripped,’
And his pants front had ripped,
Shredding padding on parts best unviewed.
A prudish young woman with ‘tude
Almost never was in the right mood.
Finding headaches passé
Her excuse was to say
“Doggie-style, when not yoga, is lewd.”
A gent had a serious ‘tude
the heat had raised hell with his mood
“I might seem a bear,
but crank up the air
and you’ll find I’m a mellowish dude”
*** FIX TO ABOVE ENTRY ***
A gent had a serious ‘tude
the heat had raised hell with his mood
“I might seem a bear,
but crank up the air
and you’ll find I’m a mellower dude”
A sensitive logger with ‘tude
Got lost in the woods where he crewed.
A loud hue and cry
Went out for this guy
Who easily cried when he hewed.
A Dough Boy who had quite a ‘tude
cuz people considered him food
The idiot savant
shaped like a croissant
played poker and only “hoo-hoo”-ed!
A moody young woman with ‘tude
Thought her notions uncommonly shrewd.
So she printed a dress
Filled with slogans, a mess
Once it rained. She ran home in the nude.
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
Was famous for how he would brood
Like Brando or Dean
But ten times as mean
No-one swooned but they constantly booed
A moody young fellow with ‘tude
Would only eat fatty fast food
For years constipated
His mood elevated
And the ground shook when he finally pooed
Now Noah adopted a ‘tude
When one of 2 elephants pooed
He said “Don’t you park
Your arse in this small ark
You can get yourself out one by two’d”
A greedy moonshiner with ‘tude
Imbued the cheap gin that he brewed
With turpentine flavor
A crude money saver
And proof of extreme turpitude.
A kinky young fellow with ‘tude
Rather liked being fed when he screwed.
For a dollop of puddin’
His spoonin’ grew wooden,
But he ne’er gave a fork without food.
Our moody young brunette with ‘tude
Couldn”t meet a sponge-worthy dude
She settled for hunky Hank
Denizen of the Sperm Bank
-Took a mere yank and a magazine lewdl
(She was screwed, blued and tattooed.)
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 69.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick Skill.