Uptight Limerick (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal who was very uptight…*
or
A man who was very uptight…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Uptight Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal who was very uptight
Had a hang-up concerning her height:
Five-foot-four was her claim —
Quite a stretch for a dame
Who looked like a 60-inch sprite.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Behavior Humor, Complexes, Dishonesty, Hang-ups, Height Challenged, Height Humor, Limerick Contest, Personality Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Uptight Limerick, Writing Prompts
A gal who was very uptight
Had never been out late at night
Until she met a new beau
Who took her dancing and so
Now she’s not home until first light.
A gal who was very uptight
Didn’t bother what is right
Knocked on the booze
Was found to be loose
Gave everyone a lot of fright
Hank
A girl who was very uptight,
Floated up on the string of a kite.
And then there were rumours
That she showed her bloomers!
Oh what an unladylike sight!
I doubt if anyone alive now knows what ‘bloomers’ are (were) but here goes.
THE MAN ON MY RIGHT LOOKED UPTIGHT
IT SEEMS THAT A SPRITE GAVE HIM FRIGHT
HE SHUDDERED AND SHOOK
TALKED GOBBLEDY-GOOK
HE’LL NEVER AGAIN BE QUITE RIGHT
Hiya Mad,
What fun and what an easy rhyme word you chose for us beginners. I’ll be limericking all day now :-)
A gal who was very uptight
Wasn’t sure about her right
To bear a child in her womb.
Pity that she lacked aplomb
Only God can make her right.
A girl who was very uptight
When her boyfriend asked if he might,
With the utmost of care,
Fondle her sweet pair,
Found the feeling to be a delight.
A man who was very uptight
Suffered always from a fright.
Being a thief he knew the fact
That he’ll be jailed for his act
He did surrender as his right.
A gal who was very uptight,
Discovered Tequila one night.
Soon she danced on the bar,
And had sex in some car.
You could say she was “high as a kite”.
A gal who was often uptight,
Was inspired by sweet aphrodite.
Once with hubby alone,
She unplugged the phone,
And pleasured him all through the night.
A gal who is very uptight
Won’t take off her clothes when it’s light
The chick only strips
In a solar eclipse,
Or perhaps in a blackout, she might
A gal who was often uptight,
Developed a strange appetite.
For werewolves and vampires,
And all that inspires,
She now seems to live bite to bite.
A gal who was very uptight
Met a man whom she thought Mister Right,
But with sex, in the end,
When the gal would not bend,
He escaped in the midst of the night.
A mom who was very uptight
Never let her kids out of her sight.
To each big event
She quite happily went,
Even there on their honeymoon night!
A gal who was very uptight
Let her hair down one steamy night
Screw the pills to the end
I’ve turned round the bend
A new follow has ended my plight.
A fellow who was very uptight
Met a woman one steamy night
She took him to bed
With a shrug of her head
And both had quite a night of delight.
A gal who was very uptight,
Decided to let loose one night.
She shook her bum,
After drinking some rum,
Bringing the full moon in sight
Let me try that last one again:
A gal who was often uptight,
Developed a strange appetite.
For werewolves and vampires,
And all that inspires,
She now lives each night, bite to bite.
A man who was very uptight
About grammar — it HAD to be right —
Had a much harder time
With his meter and rhyme
And his images veered toward the trite.
He dreamed he might find, still available,
A woman with skills unassailable;
Twixt usage so noble
And wit, they’d go global…
At least Mount Mad Kane might be scalable!
A gal who was very uptight,
woke me at dawns early light,
knowing I’d feel like hell,
too much Zinfandel,
she said “it serves your ass right.”
For her:
A gal who was very uptight
Took to sleepwalking, night after night.
Till she met a gas pipe,
Who she knew was her type,
He blew up and she’s tight; that’s alright.
For him:
A man who was very uptight
Concerning one conjugal right,
Cupid, not Plato,
Stalk, not potato,
Never a word about blight!
A gal who was very uptight
Cried, “We must stay away from the Right!”
But she wasn’t astute
When it came to pursuit:
She wed Newt. (Yeah, she wasn’t too bright.)
A gal who was very uptight
knew something just wasn’t right
Seems she prefered gals
as more than just pals
She has no more lesbian fright.
Santorum, who’s very uptight
But, regrettably, not very bright
Views the white house as palace
Where he’ll smite, hand on phallus,
Nonbelievers who question his might.
Here’s the corrected version of my earlier limerick.
A guy who is very uptight
Seems to think all the voters are white.
Is it Mitt, Newt or Rick?
I don’t know – take your pick;
It’s a fantasy shared on the right.
a gal that was rather uptight
and sadly was not very bright
got in a wreck
screamed what the heck
and was sent to the pokey for the night
A gal who was very uptight
Did ninety-nine Kegels each night.
Her beau shared, “Neurotic
Can be quite erotic —
Give me stress over sweetness and light!”
A gal who was often uptight
Told her boyfriend, “Sex isn’t polite.
It’s dirty,” she sighed.
To which he replied,
“It is if you’re doing it right”
(old Woody Allen joke, I think)
A gal who was very uptight
Might resist one’s advances all night,
But after some liquor,
She acquiesced quicker,
As rum made it seem quite alright.
A gal was extremely uptight
On account of she wasn’t too bright,
While her specs made each mellow gent
Think her intelligent,
Assuming a mind out of sight.
A gal who was very uptight,
Met a gentleman who was polite.
“Would you bend over, please,
With your pants ’round your knees?”
He implored, which she deemed erudite.
A guy who was very uptight,
Found himself in a terrible plight,
When a persistent lass,
Shoved her (No! It’s too crass!)
Which turned out to be his kryptonite.
A gal who was very uptight
was ashamed of her body’s height.
But when she tried basketball
where it pays to be tall,
she couldn’t contain her delight.
A gal who was very uptight
Told her boyfriend to go fly a kite
His feelings were shattered
He thought that he mattered!
For him she did not have “die Uhrzeit”
A gal who was very uptight
had big trouble sleeping at night
She’d fret all night long
that to worry was wrong-
and the irony is, she was right.
one city that wasn’t uptight
had strippers just dancing all night
one danced with a pole
revealing her mole
’cause her g-string was on way too tight.
stripper limerick
A lass who was always uptight
refused to make love in the light.
She said “you will see me
and then you will flee me.
I really do look such a fright.”
Madeleine, you have such an amazing devotion to your craft, which shows in everly limerick.
I’m not really a prolific writer in that vein – but I’ve linked to what I consider my best, “Flying to Nantucket”.
A gal who was very uptight
kept a little gun near her at night
for she worried some guy
might sneak in and espy
the secret she’d kept out of sight
A gal who was very uptight
wasn’t too overly bright
she once lit a fire
beneath an admirer
successfully dousing his light .
I thought I’d try. Hope that works for you :)
A man who was very uptight
took a walk on the wild side one night.
After crashing his car
he lurched into the bar …
loosened up by the end of the night.
An astronaut, always uptight,
Was filled with unspeakable fright
When told, “You’re the one
We will launch to the Sun!”
He gulped, “Can I go there at night?”
A girl who was very uptight
gave her boyfriend a hell of a fright.
She lay there so rigid,
he thought, ‘Is she frigid —
or perhaps she has died in the night?’
A poet named Frost was uptight.
A fork in the road was his plight.
“If I choose to go left
It might leave me bereft.
But then again, left may be right.”
A man who was very uptight
In traffic passed cars where he might.
Here’s a lesson for him
So his fate won’t be grim:
Right is wrong, Sir (and wait), left is right.
A gal who was very uptight
had a twitch and was ready to fight.
If you said the wrong word
and ‘Her Uptightness’ heard,
you’d be in for a very long night!
A Brit who was very uptight
Found the islands laid back, a delight
On the Island of Man
You may do what you can.
But, wait a sec, that isn’t Wight!
Said a man who was very uptight
In his attitude re kryptonite:
It can sap all my strength
And reduces the length
Of the source of my sexual might.
A fellow who dies is uptight
To end up in a tunnel of light
Where dead folks appear
And cry, “Billy, draw near.”
He answers, “You fuck-ups, I’m Dwight!”
A woman’s thought very uptight
When she says to the rescuing knight,
“Don’t seek my devotion
You’ve had a demotion
To little man looking for height.”
Ben Franklin no doubt was uptight
As he stood in a rainstorm one night
In the horribly frightening
Thunder and lightening
As his girlfriend cried, “Go fly a kite!”
A gal who was very uptight
Was made sad by the suffering and plight
Of lost kitties and puppies
And out-of-work yuppies,
Newt Gingrich, Tim Tebow, the Right.
A gal who was very uptight
By the fact of her small widow’s mite.
Decided she’d go
Off to work like a pro
Which she did on the streets every night.
What a hoot. How do you THINK of all these limericks? Rosemary, yours takes the prize! Hilarious!
A fisherman, rather uptight,
Was dejected when no fish would bite,
But he staved off the blues
By re-spinning the news,
Saying, “Children, it’s pizza tonight!”
A gal who was very uptight
By the fact of her new widowed plight
Sold her body for pay
Because as they say
If divorcees may, I’m sure widow’s might.
Jan Bewer is very uptight
When encountering men not so white
So she always comes armed
(Lest her virtue be harmed)
With a rude, finger pointing sound BITE.
This sounds like half of the women in my family!
A guy who was shy and uptight
Asked his girl, “Was I doing it right?”
“I didn’t much care for
The part I was there for,”
She said. “When I left, though, you might.”
Humor blog! That’s such a great idea, humor is so good for us. I like your uptight Limerick! :)
A gal who was very uptight
Made sure everyone knew of her plight
She carried-on and grumbled
Nit-picked and rumbled
Tightly winding herself up each night
Hi Madeleine… :)
A young princess who was being beautiful but also was being very uptight
Was as it was seeming to her to be awake for all of the hours of the night
What I am telling you is that the things was keeping her expression wide-eyed
Was an arachnid of genus blackly and hursutely endowed that she had spied
In a web that was being both beautiful and also being on her bedroom light.
Is this not being a think of beauty?
A gal who was very uptight
About each imagined small slight
Felt rather put out
When her son (what a lout!)
Got married and sent no invite.
Said a gal who was very uptight
About a perceived oversight:
I feel this omission
In nuclear fission
Will blow up the world. Amiright?
A man who was very uptight
Decided his God given right
Was violence and terror
But thanks to an error
The bomb he made failed to ignite
A man who was super uptight
Put on his galoshes each night.
The streets were bone dry,
But he said, “This way I
Am protected should I step in shite.”
A man who was super uptight
Wondered, “Who said that a bite
Isn’t worse than a bark?
What a stupid remark!
Any fool can perceive it’s not right!”
A Scotsman was very uptight.
He complained, “Och! My belly’s not right.
After eating that steak
and half a cheesecake
I find I just can’t give a shite.”
Santorum is way too uptight.
To him, gay commitments are blight.
Marriage equality
Does not fit Rick’s polity.
He won’t pass it; however, Mitt might.
A man who was very uptight
about his pronounced overbite
threatened, “Stare at my chin,
and I’ll knock your chin in
with a left and a left and a right.”
A man who was very uptight
went spelunking without enough light.
He emerged from the breech,
and in falsetto speech
gasped, “I found waist-high stalagmite.”
A gal who was very uptight
Crafted lim’ricks from morning ‘til night,
But she knew not from rhyme,
Nor from meter or time,
So, in each verse, two wrongs made a write.
A man who is very uptight
Finds he just can’t say anything right.
When he tries for “just folks,”
All that comes out are croaks
Like “The trees here are just the right height.”
A gal who was very uptight
Found her Chinaman mate no delight,
But she relished the sin
When his brother joined in,
Shrieking gaily, “Two Wongs make it right!”
too tired to write a limerick…but i love the city…smiles
I tried, but I’ve got nothin’. :)
A gal who was very uptight
woke up every dawn before light.
She burned up her bagels
and screwed up her Kegels;
that’s why she was never quite right!
A guy who was very uptight
attended a gala one night.
In the hullaballoo
two gals hollered, “Woo-hoo!
Isn’t this fun?” He said, “Quite.”
A gal who was very uptight
and a big fan of all things Twilight
declared Hunger Games
“the lamest of lames—
the protagonists don’t have much bite.”
I’m not good at these but I loved yours Madelaine. Brought a smile to my morning.
Sending lots of hugs, G :<)
A man who was very uptight
Had troubles with sleeping at night.
So he mixed up a drink
And as quick as a wink…
“Hey, use vodka, not coffee!” “Oh, right.”
A pol who was very uptight,
Santorum, extremists delight,
When a brave aide did note
That women could vote
He argued, “I’m sure that’s not right!
A gal who was very uptight
Stayed with her fella overnight.
In her fall from grace
She dropped to his face,
And she sure didn’t get stage fright!
A gal who was very uptight
Found shadows would chase her at night
Try as she may
She could not keep fear at bay
and she ended up dying of fright
A man who is very uptight
Sees all but himself as a blight.
Santorum’s his name
And is claim to fame
Are sweater vests…Oh! What a fright!
A man who is very uptight
Sees all but himself as a blight.
Santorum’s his name
And his claim to fame
Are sweater vests…Oh! What a fright!
*Had to correct the typo in my previous post!*
A gal who was very uptight
Waxed her floors each day at midnight
Creeping dow for a snack
Her spouse broke his back
She said, “You should use a flashlight.”
——————————-
A guy was very uptight
Complained in mid-air on a fight
The picture’s not clear
on my screen, I fear
Did the voting go left or right?
A gal who was very uptight
About the so-called speed of light
Wondered, “If I went faster,
Would it be a disaster
Or what men would call feminine spite?”
A man who was very uptight
blew his nose under candlelight.
Roast duck for dinner
did nothing to win her
against hankie brandished all night.
Strands Of Turquoise
A man who was very uptight
Wrote limericks he thought were just right
Till Madaleine Kane
Felt compelled to explain,
“Ed, they rhyme and they scan. But they’re trite!”
Kids, get a gold star!. Learn to spell Madeleine
A man who was very uptight
Let his inhibitions go one night
And according to those
Who were there, I proposed
To every poor damsel in sight
A Brooklynite, very uptight,
Grew distressingly frightened at night.
As the sun set each day,
He would sigh, with dismay,
“Woe is me. Dat’s de end of delight.”
A teacher who’s very uptight
Warned her class, as they set out to write,
“You’ll see grade diminution
For non-attribution,
But you may find love at first cite.”
A guy who was tense and uptight
‘Cause his rhymes were not coming out right
In the limerick he wrote
To win Madeleine’s vote
Thought that this one would do it. Not quite.
A musician who was quite uptight
Did refuse to come into the light
For he knew it was wrong
What he wrote in his song
But in darkness he’d always delight
It pays to be very uptight
(Part and parcel of being quite bright)
If you’re Woody, a titan
Of wise men who frighten
At the prospect of joy and delight.
A man who was very uptight,
afraid he was losing his sight,
called the police,
jabbering medicalese —
but his wife said, “Just turn on the light!”
My dear dachshund is very uptight;
Underneath me his ball is wedged tight,
And though sitting’s no joy
With a crack full of toy
Just to teach him, I’ll sit here all night.
Since “uptight” and “tight” make questionable rhyming words, I’ve written this alternative:
My dear dachshund is very uptight;
‘Tween my butt and his ball there’s no light,
And though sitting’s no joy
With a crack full of toy
Just to teach him, I’ll sit here all night.
A gal who was very uptight
Would never be seen in daylight
Unless fully made up
She’d not pull the shade up
For fear she’d five someone a fright.
———————————————
A man who was very uptight
Could not leave home, try as he night
He’d check burners three time
Check the height of all blinds
By the time he was done it was night.
A man who was very uptight
feared soap bars with all of his might.
Those germs, they could slither
up fingers and thither —
guerrilla warfare clean out of his sight.
A gal who was very uptight
Succumbed on a cross-country flight
Above the Big Sky
She joined the Mile High
And now thinks First Class is alright!
A man who was very uptight
Locked out of his condo one night
He had no house key
And a mean urge to pee
And no bushes to answer his plight
*** CHANGE TO PREVIOUS POSTING ***
A man who was very uptight
Locked out of his condo one night
He had no house key
And a mean urge to pee
But no shrubbery to answer his plight
A man who was very uptight
Met a young lady one night
She suggested “Nantucket”
But he went and “mistuck it”
For a boit where they could get a bite.
A guitarist who was quite uptight
Was playing with friends late one night
When they got to the jam
He just couldn’t ham.
The spotlight, it didn’t feel right.
A man who was very uptight
was watching old Disneys one night
He took to the words
About feeding the birds
And went out and flew him a kite!
A man who was called quite uptight
Resisted his urges with might
But when his pants
Projected a lance
He showed it to all just for spite
A gal who was very uptight
Ordered some Kung Pao one night
The kit and kaboodles
Turned out to be noodles
She ate it and put up no fight
A gal who was very uptight
Was hardly a drool-worthy sight
The gap in her teef
Was a spinach leaf
And gave all her dates such a fright
A gal was thought quite uptight
Turned on when she turned off the light
The noise when she came
Was almost the same
As wolves at the moon in the night
‘Chele Bachmann is very uptight
Views masturbation unholy sight.
Stays out of backseats,
Keeps hands above sheets,
But pokes fun at herself at night!
A man who was very uptight,
was up pacing throughout the night.
The cock-a-doodle-doo
had him throwing his shoe,
where he slipped on the dew, nighty-night!
A gal who was very uptight
was upset with her lack of height.
She tried hanging from bars,
being pulled by two cars
but all she grew was a short sound bite.
A gal who, with boys, was uptight
Met a girl who would help her ignite.
With ways cunnilinguistic
She soon went ballistic –
Now she has two or three every night!
A man who was very uptight
Stole a rickety sailboat last night.
He cruised into the bay,
But came back straightaway,
Liking neither the barque nor the bight.
[That’s the last groaner from me, I think. I’m all punned out for the week. ;-) ]
A man who was rather uptight
for the size of his member was slight
and so with the girls
he just dove for pearls
lickety-split and with all of his might
A comic who as quite uptight
froze up from a case of stage fright
His only report
from a bit that was short
was “Try the veal, thank you, good night”
A man who was very uptight
Was told that he just wasn’t right
Well, maybe the sex
with his Rotweiler Rex
was sick but the doggy don’t bite
A cop who was not so uptight,
Quickly handcuffed the rogue, barring flight.
First she parted his cheeks,
Then she stole a few peeks,
While carefully frisking just right.
A man who was very uptight
Ran for President from the far right.
His name was Santorum
But he got no quorum
And we can sleep soundly at night.
A dog who was very uptight
Felt an urge to go out in the night
With business to do
(Deposit his poo)
And to chase any burglar and bite
A man who was kind of uptight
Kept saying “far out, out of sight”
and then he’d remember
he wasn’t John Denver
cuz he never took off on that flight
ok, so I stretched the “license” a bit there with remember and Denver, but…
Many teens are morose and uptight
Knowing mothers have keen second sight.
Naughty plans are like pee
That most people can’t see
But good moms possess ultra-V light.
A gal who was very uptight
Went out on the town for a night
Although she was stressed
She was very well dressed
And nobody knew of her plight
A man who was very uptight
Looked all round the town for a fight.
He’d kick and he’d punch
And bring up his lunch
Saying “That was a helluva night”.
A man who was very uptight
Awoke with a start one cold night.
Distraught by the specter
Of Robert Q. Schechter
Frisking his limericks for spite.
A man who was rather uptight
Would only go fishing at night
Because all those boors
And their fancy damn lures
Would razz him if nothing would bite.
A gal who was rather uptight
Refused to go travelling by flight
Because of the day
When the damned TSA
Decided to frisk her on site.
And the winner is…
Congratulations to this week’s Limerick of the Week Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and the Honorable Mention Winners! Limerick of the Week 55
But you can still have fun with limericks. How? A new Limerick-Off has already begun: Show-Off Limerick