A Plateful Of Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A gal with a very full plate…*
or
A man with a very full plate…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
A Plateful Of Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A gal with a very full plate
Was planning to cancel a date.
But the fellow’s insistence
Met little resistance:
The allure of good food was too great.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Dating Humor, Employment Humor, Food Verse, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Workplace Poetry, Writing Prompts
A man with a very full plate
Tried hiding from his fitness freak mate.
She spied him wolfing deviled eggs
With fried chicken wings and legs;
Until she could see him gain weight.
A man with a very full plate
Leaned over and said to his date,
“Do you want all your fries?”
His date rolled her eyes
And she left, leaving fries (which he ate).
A man with a very full plate,
Was so hungry he just couldn’t wait!
He tossed off the lot
But the food was so hot
He simply could not masticate!
*
A man with a very full plate,
Couldn’t find time to masturba**
The guy said, “It’s scary! My palms are less hairy!”
“And my eyesight is suddenly great!”
A man with a very full plate,
said, “I only have time to speed-date!”
But the gals who were in it
had him pegged in a minute
as a sleazy, no-good reprobate.
A gal with a very full plate
Had been looking around for a mate.
When attempts at romance
Got more dinner than dance,
She abandoned herself to her fate.
A man with a very full plate
Found he was typically late
He’d just be arriving
Away they’d be driving
So ended all of his dates
A gal with a very full plate
Began to fill with hate
As in her view
Came some lobster stew
For all she could afford was the bait
A man with a very full plate,
is a real easy Captain to hate.
He claims that a trip,
knocked him off of the ship,
and he fell where the life boats did wait.
A gal with a very full plate
Explained it: “I’m eating for eight,
Sixteen if you’re counting…”
(The numbers were mounting),
Sybil just can’t get past the first date.
A man with a very full plate…
And a big spending gal as his mate…
Says food stamps are for the lazy…
And all who disagree are crazy…
But his Benny Hill resemblance is first rate.
A nymphet with a personal plate
Would slow down and cause traffic to wait.
As men drove up behind her
They read this reminder:
IALWZGVHEDWNID8
A gal with a very full plate,
needed to regurgitate.
And out of her mouth,
flew up-Chuck and Ralph.
It must have been someone she ate.
Origin of The Brazilian
A gal with a very full plate,
Of calories, she’d a spate.
Her bum, it grew round,
Admired and renowned.
Her ass in Brazil they would emulate!
A man with a very full plate
was upset ’cause his dentures weren’t great
Too much in his mouth
made his speech all go south
His dentist just wasn’t first-rate.
A man with a very full plate
Had no time to look for a mate
So he ordered online
A companion divine
That all he need do is inflate
A Limerick for Paula Deen
A gal with a very full plate
Knew she would have to endure hate
For making us fat
And then after that
Selling drugs that reverse our sad fate.
Visit my blog post to read the latest news on Paula Deen. :)
A gal with a very full plate
Tectonically just couldnt bear the weight.
When she started to shift
She caused the Atlantic drift
Thus forming the Icelandic state.
A gal with a very full plate
sat down to hear the debate
before eating she had begun
the debate was over and done
telling people to exit the gate!
A man with a very full plate
of billion$ he’d never abate
Tax returns? Nope. Resistance.
A BAIN of existence
There’s more? Yes, Mitt’s known for ‘Crate Gate!’
Dogs Against Romney
A gal with a very full plate
Wondered why she had gained so much weight
All the burgers and fries
Went straight to her thighs
Exercise was not in her fate.
Wonderful limerick!
A man with a very full plate
Had problems with his lithographate
He said “I’m fine with my etching,
my painting, my sketching,
But maybe my inks are too rich in nitrate”.
A gal with a very full plate
Found others less busy to berate
But it was she, when not busy,
Who’d almost get dizzy
When forced on herself to concentrate.
She couldn’t stand being alone
With herself, so she’d pick up the phone
Finding those she’d berated
Having fun with folks they related–
She wished someone’d throw her a bone.
“Busyness” can be just running away
From issues that drive one astray.
Take “you” down from the shelf
And have fun with yourself!
You might enjoy a relaxing new day.
A gal with a very full plate
Scheduled two guys for a date
In her confusion
She found it amusin’
And said “What the hell” this is great.
A man with a very full plate
Just ate and ate and ate
When he got on a scale
He weighed in as a whale
And set a record for maritime weight.
A gal with a very full plate
forgot she was quite overweight.
If her eating she’d freeze
she might again see her knees
and avoid a most terrible fate.
A gal with a very full plate
sat at the table full of hate
I know what she had
and that’s really bad
tex-mex never tastes great
a guy with a very full plate
tried to fit in a hot date
when he n’er showed
off she blowed
and he his calendar did hate
a guy with a very full plate
in fact the food tasted quite bad
and he searched for a bin
to fit it all in
to make it in time for his date
A girl with a very full plate
Arrived out of breath for her date
Juggling three men
She didn’t know when
It happened, but now she was late
A girl with a very full plate
had hips that would swing with a gait
Try as she may
They won’t wither away
So she got caught up in a rage of self-hate
A man with a very full plate
had meetings from dawn until eight
till he he put an assistant
in charge of each instant
and said ‘That’s how to delegate!’
A Gated Limerick
a gal with a very full plate
decided to leave love to fate
she had a ten year plan
and a sexy pool-man
at her house on the hill upstate
A man with a very full plate
did not know the current tax rate.
When he saw his new bracket,
he made quite a racket
and filed his 1040 quite late.
A gal with a very full plate
Said, “Let me work, you slow ingrate
I shan’t be dallied
Cajoled or rallied
Two tickets to Tahiti? Well….WAIT!”
These are enchanting!! What fun. I’m completely incapable of thinking of anything at the moment, but I love everything here.
A guy with a very full plate
of ex-wives was well-known to relate
that forgiveness was his
since he’s all for the biz
of winning the next big debate.
A guy with a very full plate
consumed every bit, when he ate
six chickens with rice
but he nixed any spice,
“’Cause I’m trying,” he said, “to lose weight.”
A guy with a very full plate
and an equally naked, bald pate
said, “My bowl’s where it’s at.
When food’s gone, it’s a hat.
Those with hair simply cannot relate.
A man with a very full plate
Ignored the allure of his date.
“The main course is divine,
Then there’s cake, cheese and wine;
The entree will just have to wait.”
A man with a very full plate
Always took more than he ate.
He liked his plate hearty
And after each party
he’d go home needing bicarbonate.
A gal with a very full plate
Amazed men by how much she ate
While her figure stayed thin
Her men didn’t grin
When she showed them the bill for their date.
A man with a very full plate
Had a long internal debate
To eat his wife’s cooking – scary
Or fake an illness – coronary
Hospital food by comparison looked great.
Please replace with this latest revision. Thx.
A nymphet with a personal plate
Would slow down and cause traffic to wait.
As men drove up behind her
They read this reminder:
IALWZGVHEDWNID8
(Note from Mad Kane: Done.)
A gal with a very full plate
(much juggling and struggling, of late)
tossed caution to wind
(and her cookies, again)
ate her words – now her poems have weight.
A gal with a very full plate
Was alarmed when she lost so much weight.
Misjudging the mission,
Her green obstetrician
Had erred when he set the launch date.
A gal with a very full plate
Of spaghetti to throw at her mate,
Though still filled with ire,
Took aim – didn’t fire!
“It’s a waste of good food concentrate!”
A guy with a very full plate
Of armor, oppressed by the weight
Said “My POOR horse is sagging,
And I think she is nagging:
‘Get back to the stable! It’s late!’ “
Bachman’s man has a very full plate,
What with legions of gays to set straight. . .
But his “pray away” swagger,
Suggests the old wagger
May have tried out the rear pearly gate.
A gal with a very full plate
Spoke in tones that were very irate.
“This meal is too large
I will look like a barge”
Pray give half of this meal to my mate.
A man with a very full plate
Of skeletons in each debate,
Tried to run from his history,
And leave it a mystery.
Newt would rather just play act irate!
A man with a very full plate
Of damsels in need, so they’d wait
To share their sweet honey,
While enjoying his money.
I guess it just comes down to bait.
A gal with a very full plate
Went out on her very first date,
But with ten minutes gone
It was time to move on,
So she jilted her dumbfounded mate.
A prince with a very full plate
Was too harried to hunt for a mate.
“My best chance for romance
Is to hold a grand dance
And abandon myself to my fête.”
With a nod to Jim Delaney…for everything!
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week winner and the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick of the Week 46.
But there’s still lots of limerick fun to be had. A new Limerick-Off has already begun: Leading With Limericks.