Limerick Bill (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A man was upset by a bill…*
or
A gal was upset by a bill…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Limerick Bill
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A man was upset by a bill
That was pending on Capitol Hill.
He assumed it impacted
His work if enacted.
Seems dentists hate “drill baby drill.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please send me an email requesting the alerts. You’ll find my email address on the upper right sidebar, in the “Author” section just below my Limerick-Offs button. Thanks!
Tags: Bills Humor, Dentists, Drill Baby Drill, Legislation Limerick, Limerick Contest, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A man was upset by a bill
And his voice became strident and shrill.
He shouted ‘Your charge
Is impossibly large.
My cash just won’t fit in your till!’
A man was upset by a bill
When he sought a professional kill
He said, “Holy s**t!”
“You charge WHAT for a hit?”
So a pundit is punditing still…
A man was upset by a bill
That he got for having a thrill.
For to his dismay
Nothing would display
If only he would have popped that pill
That’s hilarious!
A gal was upset by a bill
For an item she’d sent to Goodwill:
“For resale, we’ve got
To remove every spot,
And your coat had a lot, Ms. de Vil.”
A man was upset by a bill
That was offered up up on “The Hill”
It served only the greedy
And none of the needy–
Fed 99% of us swill.
A guy was upset by the bill
The hotel handed him until
He realized what good fun
“Foreign” (to him) movies had done
Just remembering gave him a thrill.
He walked away happy to pay–
And enjoy flicks like that another day
With a new lease on life
He went home to his wife
WOW! She didn’t know WHAT to say!
A man was upset by a bill
Not commensurate with the doc’s skill.
When he asked for a snip
He meant HIGHER than hip;
Now his lump and his wad are both nil.
A man was upset by a bill
for some wine he considered ‘pig-swill.’
‘Though its score was first rate
its taste did not equate.
“It’s a wine to pair with fresh road-kill.”
A gal was upset by a bill
for three telephone calls to Brazil.
“I know no one down there
so this bill isn’t fair!”
Now her bill can be found in landfill.
Don’t Mean To Be Shrill
A gal was upset by a bill,
Decried it on Capitol Hill.
Just use your brains!
See what it contains!
It’s a special in.ter.est shill.
A man was upset by a bill…
Texting was his daughter’s big thrill…
When she showed her disdain…
He sent her a text to explain…
“You’ve just been cut from the will.”
A “lady” was upset by a bill
some John gave to pay for a thrill.
He had forced her to take
what was clearly a fake
now he speaks with a high girly shirll.
A man was upset with a bill
Which paid for a one-night stand thrill,
But was it the screwing
That caused his undoing,
Or was it her lack of a pill?
A man was upset by his bill
At his pub so he built him a still.
He cooked corn mash all night,
Soon his lightning was white.
Now his bar tab with buddies is nil.
A gal was upset with her bill
From her escort, He gave her no thrill.
Her money ill spent,
He came and he went,
Long before she had gotten her fill.
A man was upset with his bill
From his waiter, so much for good will!
He had ordered a steak,
They provided a fake.
This was simply a plate of “Road Kill”.
A man was upset with his bill
From a hooker who came “Dressed to Kill”,
When “she” parted her thighs,
He soon became wise,
This was not someone he’d ever drill.
A man was upset by a bill
For a coat to keep out the chill
His wife said “Sure it’s fur
To ensure that I purr”
It’s for me and not for the MIL
No limerick, but thanks for visiting my blog. :)
A gal was upset by a bill
so she went and took a pill
would have given a sigh
but instead she got high
at the local corn liquor still.
A man was upset by a bill,
“You can shut off the heat if you will!
I’ll go live in a cave,
Nine to five I won’t slave,
And for dinner I’ll have what I kill!”
A man was upset by a bill,
And was simply refusing to chill
“To pay this kind of tip
I would want Her to strip
I got Sir Loin, instead, in my grill”
A man was upset when a bill
Said, “Sir I shan’t vanish until…
You cease your spending
And start with mending
Your financial deeds and poor will
Young Jack was upset by a bill
From a claims lawyer, headed “RE: JILL”
“Our client’s poor daughter
“Tripped on YOUR pail of water,
“After which, she went quickly downhill.”
A man was upset by a bill
That was surely not meant for a thrill
Instead of a plane
He jumped from a crane
And landed in the target land fill
a man was upset with a bill
which gave the duck quite a thrill
acting rather smug
he pointed to Bugs
n’said its wabbit season, now kill
A man was upset by a Bill
Cause an intern gave Bill a thrill
“We’ll have to impeach ‘im.
I guess that’ll teach ‘im.”
So Newt zeroed in for the kill.
But now look what’s going on
Newt’s running and Bill is all gone.
And Newt, with no ethic
Sure looks pathetic
He’s really the worst Neo-con.
A man was upset by a bill.
His health care plan covered nil.
Yet at the same time,
who pays not a dime?
Those sleeze-balls on Capitol Hill.
A gal was upset by a bill
for that hair treatment called the Brazil;
high humidity knocked
the straight out of her locks,
but she had to pay for it still.
A man was upset by a bill
He said, in a voice oh so shrill
They’re a thrill to behold
But their weight in real gold???
I could have just gone to Brazil
A man was upset by a bill
and glues it right to the window sill
and there it stays
til the end of the days
ok – might be a bit of an overkill
A gal was upset by a bill
That Republicans passed on the Hill.
“They refuse to apportion
Some funds for abortion;
This makes getting raped such a thrill.”
A man was upset by a bill
He ran up while seeking a thrill
When the bill came due
For the champagne screw
Kissing this piper was a bitter pill.
I like that one, Madeleine!
The Sun Came Up Again.
Young Will was upset by a bill:
Twas the beak of his pet turtle, Phil.
With steadfastness most farcical,
Phil, like an arsical,
Clung to Will’s trousers of twill.
A man was upset by a bill
That he received for a new grill,
For when he tried to make a steak
He saw the new grill did break,
Since it was missing many a screw.
A man was upset by a bill
For, as resources go, he had nil
He had settled accounts
With checks that all bounced
And their echoes bombarded him still
A man quite upset with a Bill,
Said the plays Bill had written were swill.
Whence there came, no denial
From the bard, just a smile
And a poke in the eye from his quill.
A man was upset by a bill
For a meal that was run of the mill
The sweet was quite gingery
And to add insult to injury
He’s running to the toilet still
A man was upset by a bill
That wouldn’t allow him to kill
His aunt for her cash.
Still, his plan was a smash,
Proving where there’s a way, there’s a will.
A man was upset by a bill
For a ton and a half of fresh krill.
” It’s a fact my pet whale
Seems to think that it’s stale,
and can’t eat it without getting ill.”
A gal was upset by a bill
From criminals hired to kill
Her much hated rival
Whose present survival
(dead bystander) proof of their skill.
A man was upset by the bill
Of a stork seen just clearing the hill.
“Who’s that that you carry?
A Harry or Mary?
My wife’s in the house, waiting still!”
A man was upset by a bill
of a duck who thought it a thrill
to goose his posterior
but the plan was inferior
’cause a duck is too easy to kill.
A man was upset by a bill
That belonged to a bird from brazil
The bird, it was blind
Flew inside his behind
A toucan turned suppository pill
And an alternative last line –
A man was upset by a bill
That belonged to a bird from brazil
The bird, it was blind
Flew inside his behind
It got stuck and is flapping there still
A gal was upset by a bill
She received from her ex-husband Will
For services rendered
Which he never tendered
With any compensable skill.
Thanks very much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
To find out who won Limerick of the Week and the Honorable mentions, click here.
If you missed out on all the fun, never fear: A new Limerick-Off has already begun right here: Hidden Limerick.