Leading With Limericks (Limerick-Off Monday)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same first line. Then you post your limerick here and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner plus the Honorable Mentions.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, and cleverness. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, you can find some helpful resources listed here.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick with this first line:
A fellow was trying to lead…*
or
A woman was trying to lead…*
*(Minor variations to my first lines are acceptable, but rhyme words may not be altered.)
Here’s my limerick:
Leading With Limericks
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A fellow was trying to lead,
But his rumba was not up to speed.
His steps got all tangled,
His partner’s feet mangled.
I’m guessing that’s why he was kneed.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same first line and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
UPDATE: Happy International Dance Day! (April 29th)
Tags: April Holidays, Ballroom Dance, Dancing Humor, International Dance Day, Limerick Contest, Odd Holidays, Poetry & Prompts, Rumba, Writing Prompts
Ouch! All that tangling and mangling and ETC.! It hurt when I laughed at that one! LOL!
A woman was trying to lead
A parade from the top of her steed
She bared all ‘gainst taxation
That’s proved a vexation
Forever. When WILL end the greed?
A fellow was trying to lead
to water his most nobel stead
but when the horse would halt
he fed it with a good bit of salt
and the horse drank all that he need.
So I have never written a limerick before so I don’t know if I got it completely right but it was fun trying lol
A fellow was trying to lead
But the map he could not read
So the car missed it’s exit
Shoulda mapquest it
Now to get home he must speed
A woman was trying to lead
A dog of a very smart breed
When the dog got the urge
And rushed up the verge
Cocked its leg up a tree and then pee-ed.
The chairman was trying to lead
An attack upon corporate greed,
But his own compensation
Would fund a small nation —
Not quite the credentials you need.
A man who was trying to lead
Lead the chase on a very fast steed
But when it came to the pass
His horse ran out of gas
For it seems he forgot to bring along the feed.
A fella was trying to lead
A tour group while riding a steed,
But his horse made a break
When it stepped on a snake;
Thus an end to the tour was decreed.
A fellow was trying to lead
a secret life smoking weed
but the scent hung around
and his eyes could be found
to resemble a red and white tweed.
A woman was trying to lead
when a fellow she kneed
’cause he was pushing ahead
not wanting to be led
and it hurt so bad he peed!
Oh dear poor chap LOL!
A woman was trying to lead,
Wanting her mate to plant his seed.
Now dare I say,
Adoption is the only way.
For his wife and scissors decided to intercede.
A fellow was trying to lead,
that we may have a chance to succeed.
But the Pols on the right,
care not of our plight.
And we may be undone by their greed.
A woman was trying to lead.
She whispered, “You have what I need.”
He said “ I hate to boast,
but I’m bigger than most.”
She found that hard to swallow, indeed.
Bouncing Away
A woman was trying to lead
from strength, never from need.
At a critical junction —
Wardrobe Malfunction.
She fled her soapbox with speed!
A fellow was trying to lead
A life helping others in need.
He raised legal tender
But no way the big spender,
after paying the bills, would succeed.
A fellow was trying to lead
By eschewing things counter his creed
But Googling his name
Brought blushes of shame
Now his C.U.M. group’s become Twitter feed.
A salesman was trying to lead
his date to a sexual deed.
But when he unzipped
she took one look and quipped,
“Satisfaction is NOT guaranteed!”
a fellow was trying to lead
and the world he hoped to feed
so many hungry
it made him angry
fire in his belly, desire to succeed
A fellow was trying to lead
his pet kangaroo to its feed.
But he couldn’t progress
because of the mess
where the dumb kangaroo had just peed.
A fellow was trying to lead
too dumb to speak and read
so Condi was instructing
whilst Collin was obstructing
but ballot stuffing created a second term need
I’ve met some dancers like that in my time…
A fellow was trying to lead
And he toasted his kingdom with mead
“I schpent lotsh of money
“On thish wine made from honey,
“Shomebody bring me my shteed!”
Hi Madeline! My first attempt ina long time writing a limerick. As you know, I’ve been writing haikus. Thank you for letting me post.
Aloha, Steve (Boysan Hawai’i).
A fellow was trying to lead,
His dog took one look at his feet,
The dog crossed his path,
The master fell flat,
On his ass he yelled out, “Oh sheet!”
A fellow was trying to lead
His wife to the mens’ room (Great need!)
Said his wife, “Not a chance!
We’re going to dance.”
So they danced on and on while he peed.
A fellow was trying to lead…
A jury who must’ve been smoking weed…
Yes, the evidence was circumstantial for sure…
But their brains must’ve been like manure…
For now Casey Anthony has been freed.
A fellow was trying to lead
His men into battle, indeed!
Said the men, far behind,
“Oh Captain, be kind,
You prick-face, for do we not bleed?”
A conductor was trying to lead
his orchestra at maximum speed
all the fiddlers kept trying
’til they found themselves crying
when their fingers would not stop to bleed
Ouch. One must choose one’s dance partner well:)
A fellow was trying to lead
His troops to a glorious deed.
“It’s valour and glory.
Too gory? Don’t worry.”
I’m afraid all his men disagreed.
A woman was trying to lead
sitting in the chairman’s seat
once on the throne
she gave orders by phone
whilst her boss was lying at her feet
A fellow was trying to lead
His workers to much greater speed.
“If you all’d work faster
My worth becomes vaster.”
“We’re screwed!”they said, hearing this screed.
A fellow was trying to lead
To greatness. Cf Runnymede.
But for Magna cum Carta
His troops wouldn’t barta
Their lives for a dumb-assed old screed.
A fellow was trying to lead
Sitting down on his horse like a weed.
But his men were all wary
Since his voice did not carry
So instead he stood up on his steed.
A fellow was trying to lead
His small pup (newly bought, pedigreed).
The son of a bitch
Would rather just ITCH
Than be led to the vet and deFLEAed.
Note:
In my rhyming I have this strange vanity
That my jokes not depend on profanity.
That small dog with the itch
Was the offspring of bitch.
To rely on swear-words is insanity!
A fellow was trying to lead
But thought “Issues of Faith” could impede
Newt said “Wouldn’t you know,
Mitt Romney has turned “Pro”
Now it seems he’ll most likely succeed
An artist was working to lead
Her stained glass and suddenly said,
My work’s not like the rest
It’s quite “unique” at best
But I can’t let it go to my head.
A fellow was trying to lead
Conversation ’round to his own need
But his date’s clever talk
Showed him she’d surely balk
And assertiveness cause him to bleed!
A fellow was trying to lead
a life filled with daring and deed
To his friends, who all hooted,
he said, “I’m well suited”
as he buttoned his Seville Row tweed
A fellow was trying to lead
A camel of dubious speed
Through the miniscule eye
Of a needle. That’s why
The rich man has failed to proceed.
A fellow was trying to lead
A band with only one reed
The ghost of Glenn Miller upset
Said son if you add a clarinet
For more music your fans will plead.
And stop smoking that smelly old weed.
A fellow was trying to lead
His date into doing the deed
But she sniffed, “It’s been said
You’re a failure in bed
‘Cause you lack the tool(s)to succeed
A fellow was trying to lead
A nation without favoring creed
He talked a good game
Made opponents seem lame
With strength from all the slaves freed!
Jan Brewer tried taking the lead
With her rude pointy finger and screed,
But the RNC chair
Took the cake by a hair
With his shitty Schettino misdeed.
a fellow was trying to lead
the blonde to dance to his beat
but her dress got trapped
and she mis-stepped
so this was a pity indeed
A fellow was trying to lead
The virtuous life he would need
To master much faster
The job of a pastor.
He felt that his fate was de Creed!
A fellow was trying to lead
After quaffing a flagon of mead
His mojo quit workin
When he’d chugged a firkin
He bunny hopped, passed out, and peed
A fellow was trying to lead
A mission to far Ganymede.
By Jupiter, he
Was astounded to see
That Newt, on a toot, did the deed.
Good one this. Sorry I came to it too late.
A blind guy was trying to lead
A blind dog of puzzling breed
They knew by instinct
Whenever one blinked
They made the right turn–done the deed!
I know. Just silly. Reminds me of a poem/story I recall from kiddom:
Last night, at six o’clock this morning,
A naked man ran down the street with his hands in his pockets.
Jumped on a dead dog, which bit him,
Jumped in cold water, which scalded him.
And now he’s in the hospital in the best condition
Not expected to live.
A fellow was trying to lead
The choir, but couldn’t keep speed
His baton just went wacky
The songs sounded tacky
“Just STOP!” the members did plead.
A fellow was trying to lead
But Congress would not cede
They’d hold up each bill
With stupid partisan will
From this idiocy can’t we be freed?
A fellow was trying to lead
A gang wrought with misdeeds
Tried his best
In his quest
But realized he’s ill equipped
A woman was trying to lead
A chorus of children in need’
Thinking,”Songs may be sweet
But not food kids can eat.
Could this church be re-choired to feed?”
A fellow was trying to leave
the toilet seat down, her pet peeve.
But the lid hit his crown
knocked his toupee down
Now he’s bald and searching for Aleve.
A fellow who wanted to lead
The nation in turning from greed,
Found most in agreement,
When thinking that he meant
The other guy’s greedy misdeed.
A fellow was trying to lead
Earth’s survivors to start a new breed
A flaw in his plan –
He was the only man
And all the woman were out of his league.
A fellow was trying to lead
His wife into doing “The Deed”.
He parted his thighs,
As she covered his eyes,
Then left him, not heeding his need.
A woman was trying to lead
Her man into being her steed.
She locked all the doors,
As he got on all fours,
Then moaned as he fed her his seed.
Newt Ginrich was hoping to lead,
And some poor misguided agreed,
But voters soon learned
He was only concerned
With his personal ego and greed.
So Mitt Romoney bolted ahead
And Donald Trump jumped in his bed.
Newt whined and resisted
But later insisted
He’d vote for Obama instead.
A fellow was trying to lead
A sweet young thing to bed, to breed.
“You’ve read poems for hours
And sent oodles of flowers
But for chocolate, I would have agreed.”
Thanks so much everyone for your fun limericks! This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 47.
But there’s still lots of limerick fun to be had because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Off One’s Game Limerick.