Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SHOT or SHOTS at the end of any one line.(Submission Deadline: April 6, 2024)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SHOT or SHOTS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PICTURES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PICTURE-related limerick.

And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.

Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
AMUSING, DOCTOR, NEUROTIC, POSTPONE, VANITY.

(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on April 7, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 6, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my SHOT or SHOTS-Rhyme Limerick:

“That damn bartender’s AWOL,” said Scott
To his prep cook. “Let’s see what you’ve got.”
“Though I’ve never mixed drinks,
I can do it, methinks,
So I gladly will give it a shot.”

And here’s my Picture-Themed Limerick:

“Gotta rush to the bookshop. I’m late!
I am meeting another blind date.
And that chick better look
Like her pic, or I’ll book
It, cuz boy, am I sick of pic-bait!”

And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:

An old woman who loved to complain,
Was neurotic and stubborn and vain.
When her doctor prescribed
Her a cane, the gal gibed:
“That will ruin my look. Where’s your brain?”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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122 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SHOT or SHOTS at the end of any one line.(Submission Deadline: April 6, 2024)”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    Abraham Lincoln Complains To His Wife

    “This show has a frivolous plot.
    “Our American Cousin” is not
    A well-written play.
    I don’t want to stay.
    It’s so boring, I’d rather be shot.”

  2. Terry Marter says:

    They partied one night, – got the hots.
    He fired up in bed, – had two shots!
    Jump nine months and a bit:
    “Here’s a writ, – you dead shit,
    You done left me, alone with two tots”.

  3. Terry Marter says:

    The saying, we know is not new,
    But I’ll re-introduce it to you:
    One pic’, (say the nerds),
    Is worth one thousand words,
    But for you, all I need is just two!

  4. Marc Davidson says:

    Herr Frederick told Lisle “Mein Schatz,
    Your face is now all over spots.
    You must fatty foods cut,
    not a steak, not a nut,
    or the boys, for you, won’t have the hots.”

  5. Marc Davidson says:

    Said the painter, “I’m awful, I know it,
    but this painting, I’ve just got to show it.
    I’ve met every stricture
    creating this picture.
    It’s my chance, and I ain’t gonna blow it.”

  6. Terry Marter says:

    Narcissus admired his reflection
    His vanity caused an erection.
    Amused, (in a way),
    He thought “Am I gay?
    Or a product of Greek Myth-conception”

  7. Terry Marter says:

    In my mirror, i cough and I wheeze
    Neurotic and vain, head to knees.
    When I slowly walk by;
    Throw a smile and say “Hi”,
    The mirror just groans back “Oh Please….”

  8. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    With a gun pointed straight at his head,
    The quarry quick-wittedly said,
    “A close-up is not
    My favorite shot.
    Could you make it a selfie instead?”

  9. Lisi Nortman says:

    “It’s A Boy Mam” (picture theme)

    “The Picture Of Dorian Gray”
    Was a movie, a book and a play.
    His ultrasound scan
    Showed a wretched old man
    With teeth full of yucky decay.

  10. Lisi Nortman says:

    Second Version: “Mid-Pregnancy Ultrasound Scan” (picture theme)

    “The Picture Of Dorian Gray”
    Was a movie, a book and a play.
    In his ultrasound scan
    ‘Twas a wicked old man
    With a mouth that would scare you away.

  11. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Postponers Club”

    The Postponers make ev’ry endeavor
    To confuse you. They’re sure mighty clever.
    I’m amused when they say,
    “Can’t do it today,
    However, I’ll do it “whenever”

  12. A man took to doing a shot
    each time he saw Twitter bots.
    Took not much of a while
    of each “P—y in bio”
    to make him a total blot!

  13. Terry Marter says:

    My addiction to gambling runs hot.
    Time to give it the ultimate shot.
    You’re so keen for a bet,
    Let’s try Russian roulette.
    Five to one you might die, but so what!

  14. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I like classic old Westerns a lot —
    Gritty films where drunk cowboys get shot.
    When these tough buckaroos
    Take in bullets and booze,
    They just grin and say, “That hit the spot.”

  15. Jackie Chou says:

    I don’t have a shot
    Cuz baby you are just too hot
    I said to this boy
    Not bothering to be coy
    Then added, “Not!”

  16. Jackie Chou says:

    The fat sparrow at the fountain
    Doesn’t want his picture taken
    Turning his head away
    Before I have a chance to say
    I’m not here body shamin’

  17. Mark Levine says:

    Fiona took off like a shot:
    It was a small squirrel she sought.
    The squirrel in the tree
    Just chittered with glee,
    Mocking my poor dog, and not caught!

  18. Mark Levine says:

    An amusing neurotic doctor
    Postponed the test she had to proctor.
    It was vanity,
    And insanity:
    Her suddenly gray hair had shocked her.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Reconstructive Surgeon, Dr. Greedy”

    Doctor Greedy said, “Mrs. McCord,
    You need your whole body restored.”
    Last Tuesday he phoned
    Said, “This can’t be postponed.
    See you soon at the Vanity Ward.”

  20. Terry Marter says:

    (Double)
    In broad daylight he aimed; took the shot.
    She lay still, on the deck of his yacht.
    When she writhed on the floor
    He shot her twice more
    At his favourite fashion pics spot.

  21. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    The reception you get will be cold,
    If you contact your doctor, I’m told,
    And try to postpone
    Your appointment by phone.
    All they do then is put you on hold.

  22. Tim James says:

    She sent me her picture. She’s hot,
    So I thought to give romance a shot.
    Then she told me she’s rootin’
    For Vladimir Putin.
    My Internet girlfriend’s a bot.

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    “1960”

    We would go to the Strand “picture show.”
    Just me and my snugglebug, Joe.
    I wore bright pleated skirts.
    He wore button-shirts.
    But that was a long time ago.

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    For many years, I’ve lived alone
    In a place known as “Reschedule Zone”
    Friends find it amusing
    That the planner I’m using
    Has an option of “now’ or “postpone”

  25. Bob Turvey says:

    Said my father, “I think I’ll invest
    My spare cash in tattoos for my chest.
    I’ve a picture in mind –
    Charlie Chaplin’s behind –
    It’ll make me laugh when I’m depressed.”

  26. Bob Turvey says:

    When a picture it’s trying to fit,
    A limerick is hampered a bit.
    But within this constraint
    You can use words like spraint
    Which though fancy is just otter shit.

  27. Bob Turvey says:

    Said drug-user Jay Arthur Scott,
    “My life through that junk is all shot.
    My house-plant’s gone to seed
    My lawn is all weed
    And my garden has all gone to pot.”

  28. Bob Turvey says:

    A young chap who swallowed a pyrometer
    Said, “Doctor. My temperature. Monitor.”
    Then something red-hot
    Up his back-passage shot –
    ‘twas a quite badly warmed-up thermometer.

    [With a tip of the hat to the legendary Ivan Skavinsky Scavar for lines 3 and 4.]

  29. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Jane asked, “Doctor, can I be psychotic?”
    When he answered, “No, simply neurotic,
    And perhaps a bit vain,”
    She complained, “How mundane.
    I deserve something much more exotic.”

  30. Lisi Nortman says:

    Doctor Phantom said, “You are psychotic,
    Which is making your life real chaotic.”
    To worsen that he
    Said “You’ve got OCD”
    He’s bewildered, neurotic neurotic.

  31. Fred Bortz says:

    My psychiatrist wasn’t amusing
    When he said that my case was confusing.
    Though he said “Not psychotic,”
    I preferred “Just neurotic
    Or a malady of my own choosing.”

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of limerick titled “1960” written on 3/13 at 12:58 AM

    We would go to the Strand “picture show”
    Just me and my snugglebug Joe.
    I wore Scotch pleated skirts.
    He wore button-down shirts.
    But that was a long time ago.

  33. Fred Bortz says:

    For a classical musical treat,
    Try Mussorgsky’s evocative suite
    That brings to fruition
    An art exhibition.
    A sensory palate complete!

    (Pictures theme)

    Pictures At An Exhibition

  34. Terry Marter says:

    A very smart stripper called Valerie,
    Kept her clothes on, and doubled her salary.
    She sold works of art,
    Of each bare body part;
    From her very own nude picture gallery.

  35. Terry Marter says:

    I’ve lately been thinking alot,
    Of how to bring down a despot.
    The idea’s nothing new,
    All you need’s a clear view,
    And brave soul who’s an excellent shot.

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    I worked at Highland Park Pediatrics in Highland Park, Illinois for 10 years.
    You can just imagine all the NOISE there, but it was fun and sometimes very funny.

    At my job I saw numerous tots.
    And each one was tied up in knots.
    They all hoped I had clout.
    And to me they would shout,
    “No Shots! I Feel Good! Please No Shots!

  37. Terry Marter says:

    “Vera” is a popular British TV detective series.
    (Double)
    The complete crime scene picture was clearer;
    International arrests drawing nearer.
    While the fed’ral hot shots
    We’re still joining the dots,
    It was solved in the UK by Vera.

  38. Gennadiy Gurariy says:

    One evening a thief tried his best
    To break through the lock on my chest.
    I yelled “you’ll get shot!”
    And aimed the red dot
    But then let my cats do the rest.

  39. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    There’s a House Bill (postponed) that enables,
    Any candidate to turn the tables:
    A neurotic, narcotic,
    Despotic psychotic
    May now run in the party “No Labels.”

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    Picture Theme

    I rarely take selfies. I lack
    The fervor, the zeal and the knack.
    Though I cannot deny
    That I give it a try
    To examine that zit on my back.

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    Now you can take a picture in a snap with your phone. But not in the “good old days” There was something called “developing film” and don’t forget the
    “negatives”

    Right now I am feelin’ real glum.
    Know why? Cuz I just came home from
    “Grand Picture Techniques”
    I’ve been waitin’ 2 weeks
    To look at a pic of my thumb.

  42. Bob Turvey says:

    G.K. Chesterton said, “If you can
    At five hundred yards shoot your own gran;
    I’d say, “You’re a good shot” –
    But I simply could not
    Ever say that you are a good man.”

  43. Bob Turvey says:

    If you heat up lead ‘til it’s quite hot
    And a very tall tower you’ve got
    And you go to the top –
    And let molten lead drop
    Into water you can make lead shot.

  44. Doug Harris says:

    The Jaeger bombs started the rot;
    With whiskies I’ve often been caught.
    The Doc’s diagnosis:
    (I can’t spell cirrhosis)
    My liver is totally shot!

  45. Doug Harris says:

    The Doctor said; “Healthy old man,
    I’m sending you there for a scan”.
    The digital picture
    Uncovered a stricture;
    And that’s when the trouble began …

  46. Doug Harris says:

    I’ve postponed all my heart-felt profanity
    ‘Bout the state of our human insanity.
    Neurotic and vain,
    It’s amusing my brain;
    All this pouters’ cosmetical vanity.

  47. Terry Marter says:

    As your doctor, I cannot condone
    All the sex calls you make to my phone.
    I’ve a patient; she’s guessed,
    Now she’s getting undressed.
    So our phone sex I’ll need to postpone.

  48. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    There’s the shirt with the Donald T mugshot,
    And the Viktor-and-me T, a hug shot.
    But I can’t wait to see,
    The celebrative tee,
    That’s the Donald’s-at-last-in-the-jug shot.

  49. Tim Gray says:

    Eyeing pictures of Trump you will note
    That his demeanour is always of gloat.
    Smug and self-satisfied
    Even though he has lied,
    To others, his demeanour’s of goat.

  50. Tim Gray says:

    The pictures of Christ you see
    Are not based on reality,
    And Jesus the man
    Was not a gentle lamb,
    But an anarchist, honest and free.

  51. Tim Gray says:

    Trump must have missed the fake news:
    The pictures with moon rocket views.
    Each photo from space
    Showed not a trace
    Of a border between us and youse.

  52. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Misinterpretation”

    My wife’s in a coma from smoking.
    I’m becoming neurotic, (not joking)
    Doc said, “This is complex
    But attempt oral sex.”
    She AROSE! and then screamed out, “I’m choking!”

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    Picture Theme

    This sale is sure not “for the birds”
    The people are coming in herds.
    They’ve a very nice staff.
    The reduction is “half”
    Each pic is worth 500 words.

  54. Tim James says:

    A neurotic old despot named Don
    Told his doctor, “My self-control’s gone.
    I’m obnoxious, or vain,
    Or just flat-out insane;
    It depends on the drugs that I’m on.”

  55. Lisi Nortman says:

    My Wife: “Sam’s Picture Store”

    “Last night she was going to Sam’s.
    She was barreling out. (The door slams)
    The sale was “half-price”
    That store is real nice.
    The pics were worth 500 clams.”

  56. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When Rod needed “amusement” –and quick,
    He thought Speed Dating might do the trick.
    But the date said, “You’re vain,
    And your fast-talk’s inane.”
    Then she gave him a really swift kick.

  57. Terry Marter says:

    Mad, please delete my entry at March 14, 2024 at 4:49 pm.
    This is a slightly tweaked version:

    With neurosis eroding her sanity;
    Obsessed with her mirror, (and vanity),
    She’s applied to herself
    The whole beauty bar shelf,
    And now looks like a walking profanity!

  58. Joan Perrin says:

    A real hypochondriac, Fred
    Had gone to his doctor and said,
    “Don’t call me neurotic.
    My disease is exoctic.
    “Don’t worry.” Said Doc. “It won’t spread.

  59. Joan Perrin says:

    As a new grandma, there is no maybe,
    I have numerous pictures of baby.
    What a punim she’s got,
    And it lights up each shot.
    That to everyone I must show daily.

  60. Joan Perrin says:

    There once was a neurotic manatee,
    Who’s known for her bountiful vanity.
    So to doctor she’d go
    For a face lift, but woe!
    She now strangely looks like Sean Hannity.

  61. Tim James says:

    She lost track of the number of shots
    That she’d downed. (Let’s just say it was lots.)
    She will drink you — she’s able —
    Way under the table.
    She’s Mary, the Queen of the Sots.

  62. Terry Marter says:

    While our board has considered, with gravity,
    To accept scenes of sexual depravity,
    They’re imposing restrictions:
    Only fig leaf depictions,
    Of anything resembling a cavity.

  63. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    If The Donald should lose the election,
    There’s no reason to stage insurrection.
    He should give (while he’s hot)
    Making movies a shot.
    He’s so awfully good at projection.

  64. J.OConnor says:

    He decided that he’d take a shot
    At tying his own Windsor Knot.
    Though he’d try and he’d try,
    He could not tie the tie,
    And tie tired is all that he got.

  65. Joan Perrin says:

    Typo correction

    A real hypochondriac, Fred
    Had gone to his doctor and said,
    “Don’t call me neurotic.
    My disease is exotic.
    “Don’t worry.” Said Doc. “It won’t spread.

  66. Jean McEwen says:

    Sophie figured she’d give it a shot.
    So she struck while the iron was hot.
    But then promptly she learned
    That one’s hand will get burned
    When the iron one strikes isn’t wrought.

  67. Jean McEwen says:

    Bedecking the walls of Jill’s villa
    Are paintings that look just vanilla.
    Every piece in her home
    Is cliched – monochrome.
    Refined taste? Jill has not a scintilla.

  68. Jean McEwen says:

    I went in for an antibiotic
    But was given a potent narcotic.
    Guess the doctor decided
    My plea was misguided
    (I think he just thinks I’m neurotic.)

  69. Joan Perrin says:

    Revise of last line

    As a new grandma, there is no maybe,
    I have numerous pictures of baby.
    What a punim she’s got,
    And it lights up each shot.
    So who must show it off every day, me!

  70. Lisi Nortman says:

    “My Perfect Husband, Charlie”

    My husband has “Mr. T” looks.
    And not only that, Charlie cooks!
    He reads night and day.
    He’s a scholar, (they say.)
    Charlie loves those profound picture books.

  71. I’ll go for a twofer.

    Brought my niece, who’s a beautiful tot,
    To be vaxxed. She found green Marks-A-Lot
    (Also black, blue and red);
    Marked her face and her head.
    I had phones, so we both got the shot.

  72. Terry Marter says:

    This limerick comp’s a tough sport.
    You won’t win if a syllable short,
    Or your idea is hot
    But your meter is shot.
    PS: The judge cannot be bought.

  73. Brian Allgar says:

    Donald Trump is a blowhard, quite mad,
    And I picture a scene, very bad:
    To prove he’s a sleaze
    And determined to please,
    He’s down on his knees blowing Vlad.

  74. Brian Allgar says:

    (Triple)

    Her doctor believes she’s neurotic;
    All the pictures she takes are exotic.
    They give her the hots,
    But they’re vanity shots,
    For she finds her own beauty erotic.

  75. J.OConnor says:

    A true home improvement story:

    Pulled old wallpaper off of our wall.
    Found a picture drawn seven feet tall
    Of a majorette dressed
    In a way no one guessed:
    Besides boots she wore nothing at all.

  76. Tim James says:

    I want to write something amusing.
    My Muse, though, won’t help; she’s refusing.
    In my vanity, I
    Thought at least that she’d try.
    I’d do better by taking up boozing.

  77. Dave Johnson says:

    So Trump’s on the hook for some cash;
    It might make him do something rash.
    Like selling some pics
    From his document mix
    Or taking a job with DoorDash.

  78. Brian Allgar says:

    William Tell, as an archer, was hot,
    But that day, he had drunk quite a lot
    And got thoroughly pissed,
    So the apple he missed;
    Instead, ’twas his son that he shot.

  79. Terry Marter says:

    Harvey slept with Miss Phillips alot.
    One night they gave cocktails a shot.
    Some Old Fashion head
    Was Wall-Banging the bed
    Till his Screwdriver found the right slot.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    “She Needed An ANTIBIOTIC”

    Doc Johnson, my sore is now oozing.
    Stop smiling, that isn’t amusing.
    You prescribed a narcotic,
    Which made me neurotic.
    Though it’s cool being hooked on “misusing”

  81. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m neurotic, I know, but, Doc’, please,
    Treat my vanity – don’t be a tease.
    To postpone is abusing –
    You find this amusing?”
    “Tiny Hampton is not a disease.”

    Hampton Wick is Cockney rhyming slang for – I’m sure you’ll figure it out – and is usually shortened to Hampton.

  82. Tony Holmes says:

    “Off on holiday? Get all your shots?”
    “Laddie, aren’t ye forgettin’’? Ah’m Scots.
    Single malt, eve’ry day,
    Keeps the nasties at bay –
    That’s includin’ the plague an’ the trots.”

  83. Tim James says:

    His new gal was an absolute mess;
    He was fully enthralled, nonetheless.
    He wised up really quick
    When he spotted her pic
    On the wall at the USPS.

  84. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Cried a doctor when one patient fought
    an injection, “Just take it or not!”
    And he wasn’t amused
    when the same guy confused
    him by saying, “I’d rather be shot.”

  85. Dave Johnson says:

    In photos, the hat on Trump’s head
    Became a new symbol, I’ve read.
    Though MAGA we’ve seen,
    Those initials now mean
    “My Ass Got Arrested” instead.

  86. Dave Johnson says:

    When Carly had sung “You’re So Vain”,
    They’d ask who it was – she’d abstain
    From naming her mark;
    Though her lyrics would spark
    Talk of Warren, his scarf and jet plane.

    Years later, a very few clues
    Had emerged to alert and amuse.
    While Beatty did claim
    He’s the one she would name,
    Her answer: you’re third – if you choose.

    (It turns out that Ms. Simon said the song was written with three men in mind. She also admitted that Warren Beatty was one of them).

  87. Trevor says:

    She had my tongue tied up in knots
    and gave me a case of the hots.
    My libido’s zingin’
    but turned out she’s mingin’
    I’m glad I’ve had all of my shots

  88. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Covid Shot, 2021. “Oxymoron: Old People Techies”

    At the drug store, old folks read the sign.
    (The wording, a long way from fine)
    “Seniors, go get the shot.
    Cuz Spring chickens, you’re not.
    And make your appointment online.

  89. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Dammit! I want my money’s worth!”

    Bought for mom and for dad each a plot.
    Sounded simple, but things got real hot.
    Mom passed away then,
    Daddy married again.
    I was forced to have “step mommy” shot.

  90. Daisy M Ward says:

    He took the corona shot
    Then fell on a giant pot
    He was swollen and in pain
    It almost drove him insane
    But cause his body to rot

  91. Daisy M Ward says:

    This man assumed he was hot
    After swallowing a strong Jello shot
    His head starts to spin
    And he ran like the wind
    Until he fell in a parking lot

  92. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mom’s a “senior” and noting her hair
    Is now falling out. She “feels bare.”
    Doesn’t find it amusing.
    She screams out, “I am losing
    My allure! It’s not Vanity Fair!”

  93. Trevor says:

    There’s a striker whose acting was hot
    ‘Cause he wanted a kick from the spot
    So it didn’t take much
    With the hint of a touch
    He keeled over as if he’d been shot

  94. Bob Kennedy says:

    A despised paparazzo named Lott
    Chased down teenage pop stars more than not.
    When I asked him what for,
    “I don’t like being poor.
    Just need one B. Eilish money shot!”

  95. J.OConnor says:

    Your youth – I’m afraid you’ve outgrown it.
    You’re adding on years – can’t postpone it.
    From doctors you’re told
    You’re just getting old.
    The alternative – they don’t condone it.

  96. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Dear Friend”,

    Do not go to Doc Niptuck, in spite
    Of the fact that your face is a fright.
    Cuz true beauty’s within,
    Way way, under the skin.
    Don’t be vain. Your are gorgeous. (yeah right)

  97. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Vain old Donald is having his say again;
    With the Bible he’s having his way again.
    He amuses his base,
    As he says with straight face —
    “We will all Make America Prey Again!”

  98. Terry Marter says:

    Unamused by his substance-abusing,
    Her Doc’s licence, she warned he’d be losing.
    Now with free fairy dust
    And enhancement of bust,
    It’s his stash and his cash that she’s using.

  99. Susan Settje says:

    An Irishman, Seamus, was fraught
    With concern when he heard what they sought.
    For the Jameson’s pure,
    And an old Irish cure,
    Not meant to be downed in a shot.

  100. Dave Johnson says:

    She tried a new app for a date;
    Turns out, it was far less than great.
    Selecting a guy,
    But whose pic was AI;
    A zombie who then showed up late.

  101. Dave Johnson says:

    Those working for Trump ought to know
    They’re merely just part of the show.
    Then later, they’re not;
    Credibility shot
    And legal bills starting to grow.

  102. Dave Johnson says:

    Jake noticed her looking real hot
    And figured he’d give it a shot.
    Her hockey star beau
    Let “enforcer” skills show;
    And that’s why Jake’s front teeth were bought.

  103. At last I pried open my wallet
    For that blasted thing… what do kids call it?
    The self-serving stick?
    The self, selfie trick?
    Now can somebody help me install it?

  104. “I find it bizarre and confusing”
    Said the doctor, neurotically musing
    “That we postpone our sanity
    In honor of vanity.
    But it does make my job more amusing!”

  105. Tony Holmes says:

    For a – frankly – derisory price,
    I will sell you the snaps of your vice.
    They’ve come out rather well,
    I’ve no doubt that they’ll sell
    If you choose not to pay, so think twice.

  106. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m neurotic’lly vain – does it show?
    Tell me, Doctor! I really must know.
    Don’t postpone – answer me!
    Do I need therapy!”
    “An amusing role-play – – Tallyho!”

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    For a – frankly – derisory price,
    I will sell you the snaps of your vice.
    They’ve come out rather well,
    I’ve no doubt that they’ll sell
    If you choose not to pay, so think twice.

    Yes, a tempting proposal – but nay.
    I’ve decided I don’t wish to play.
    Sell the snaps, I don’t care –
    I’m expecting my share,
    And will certainly sue. (Don’t delay!)

  108. Tony Holmes says:

    Or:

    For a – frankly – derisory price,
    I will sell you the snaps of your vice.
    They’ve come out rather well,
    I’ve no doubt that they’ll sell
    If you choose not to pay, so think twice.

    Frankly, Mother, I really don’t care.
    Take some more if you wish and we’ll share
    When you sell. (Don’t delay!)
    I want cash when you pay,
    And think seventy / thirty is fair.

  109. Dave Johnson says:

    My doc said “We’ll need to postpone
    Your visit – our schedule is blown.
    We’ve taken a hit;
    The receptionist quit
    And my PA is stuck on the phone.

    We hope to be back really quick.
    In the meantime, if you’re feeling sick,
    Go on to our site,
    Hit ‘2 Meds For Tonight’;
    It virtually could do the trick”.

  110. Dave Johnson says:

    Some photos he started to take
    Of naked folks down by the lake.
    One fellow did say
    “You can join us, OK?
    Or leave – for your camera’s sake.”

  111. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Joan Bumps Into Grace: A Dialogue” (picture theme)

    “How nice to bump into you, Grace!
    That must be your grandson; Hi, Chase!”

    “Indeed that is he,
    But wait till you see
    His portrait, which highlights his face.”

  112. Lisi Nortman says:

    correction of above limerick” Line 5 (picture theme)

    “How nice to bump into you, Grace!
    That must be your grandson; Hi, Chase!”
    “Indeed that is he,
    But wait till you see
    The portrait, which highlights his face.”

  113. Unsal Ozunlu says:

    A steamy night when Todd had two shots,
    He felt compelled to see Faye’s [(.) (.)] two big dots;
    His blood got hotter,
    He entered the freezer;
    Causing his fronts to transform into frosts.

  114. Tim James says:

    Revision of a previously submitted limerick

    She texted her picture. She’s hot,
    So I thought I’d give romance a shot.
    Then she told me she’s rootin’
    For Vladimir Putin.
    My internet girlfriend’s a bot!

  115. madkane says:

    Attention All Limerick-Off Procrastinators: The current Limerick-Off ends this Saturday, April 6, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  116. Susan says:

    All the silly young gals think he’s hot.
    He’s a looker for sure, but he’s not
    The nicest of guys,
    He’s a cheater that lies,
    I’ll let one of those flirts take a shot.

  117. Susan says:

    The pompous young doc lacked humanity.
    His godlike self-image, pure vanity.
    Like a peacock, he preened,
    While His patients all keened.
    His murder? I’m pleading insanity.

  118. Tim James says:

    Said my doctor: “The Rorschach Test checks
    For unfortunate mental effects.”
    So I gave it a shot
    And considered each blot.
    Is it weird I thought only of sex?

  119. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m a crazy neurotic—” “It shows –
    And, untreated, your vanity grows.
    See a doctor – for me.
    Don’t postpone therapy.
    It’s no longer amusing, tha’ knows.”

  120. Mark Totterdell says:

    Having starting the night sipping tots,
    I continued with various shots.
    After many drinks more,
    I was flat on the floor,
    Swilling beer out of two-gallon pots.

  121. Terry Marter says:

    My life’s just flashed past, like in pictures.
    It was not as advised by the scriptures.
    Too much booze, smokes, and coughin’
    Means the box I’m sent off in
    Won’t feature our flag, or gold fixtures.

  122. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off, which is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 520. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Attack.