Limerick-Off Award (518)
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Said Sir Lancelot “Life’s not so grand
When your date turns you down out-of-hand.”
Said Sir Kay, “Well I hear
That our Queen Guinevere
Always welcomes a quick one-knight stand.”
Congratulations to LISI NORTON, who wins the COACH-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
My team took a terrible beating,
So I called a “coach candidate” meeting.
I said, “Though you’re all trained,
I picked Joe,” then explained:
“He’s the one who knows most about cheating.”
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: GRIP, LUSH, PROMISING, SEARCH, YARN.
Nubile Florence had searched high and low
For a promising guy (one with dough.)
She was cute and nineteen;
Tom was lush with the green.
He decided to go with the Flo.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Terry Marter, Paul Haebig, Sharon Neeman, Mark Totterdell, Lisi Nortman, P Diane Schneider, J.OConnor, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Phil Woodford, Doug Harris, Brian Allgar, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: GRAND-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO COACH-THEMED LIMERICKS)
Tim James:
A musician whom no one could stand
Was coached NOT to act pompous or grand.
Now he acts like a geek
Who’s both boring and meek.
His new theme song is “Strike Up the Bland.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (GRAND-RHYME DIVISION)
Terry Marter:
The concert stage door was unmanned,
So I strolled in, completely as planned.
No need to pull strings
To access the wings,
My job was to tune up the grand.
Paul Haebig:
“This obsession you have with Steve Grand
Is getting a bit out of hand
And becoming a bore.
So, I’m saying, ‘No more!’
From now on in this house, he is banned!”
Sharon Neeman:
“Yuck! I hate this! It’s gross and it’s bland!
You’re not Mom! I won’t eat on demand!”
“No, I’m not — but I say
You must eat anyway,
‘Cause you’re not being mothered, but Gran’d.”
Mark Totterdell:
This latest great poem of mine
Was designed to be truly divine.
From the start it was planned
To be epic and grand,
But it stopped after just the fifth line.
Lisi Nortman, for her “My Chicago Senior Living Apartment Complex”
Poor Jenny can’t move her right hand.
Leon sits, but the poor man can’t stand.
John broke both his hips,
And sweet Winifred drips.
Gertrude falls ev’ry day. Ain’t life grand?
P Diane Schneider:
Abroad in a warm, far-off land,
I lounged on a beach and was fanned.
Alas, I awoke;
It was only a joke.
But tell me, would THAT not be grand?
Terry Marter:
His piano concerto was panned;
The critics said “boring” and “bland.”
Pursued for his views,
He made headline news
When they found him curled up in the grand.
Tim James:
With ambitions excessively grand,
Ronny D. sought to govern the land
By appealing to spite.
Why’d it all turn to shite?
He infringed on The Former Guy’s brand.
J.OConnor:
The father of my father’s dad
Was cruel and made everyone sad.
So I can’t understand
Why he’s called “great” and “grand”
When we know that old bastard was bad.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (COACH-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James:
From my seat I could see him approach.
He sat next to me, puffing a roach.
Cradled under one arm
Was a jug of Boone’s Farm.
That’s the last time I’ll travel by coach.
J.OConnor:
I’d rather fly coach than first class.
Don’t try to upgrade me. I’ll pass.
My seat is just fine.
So keep your free wine.
I won’t pay you to pamper my ass.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
One “away” team won’t deign to encroach,
On the home team’s aggressive approach.
They don’t care if they lose;
On the bus they’ve stashed booze,
So they’re keeping all eyes on the coach.
Phil Woodford:
Whenever I sit in train coaches
A feeling of dread soon encroaches
There’s a rustling sound
And before long, I’ve found
That my seat is surrounded by roaches.
Doug Harris:
The enthusiasts offer reproaches
As the layman, in their world, encroaches.
There’s many a fuss
If you call it a bus,
And not one of their lovable coaches.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: GRIP, LUSH, PROMISING, SEARCH, YARN.)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Though no promising singer, I know,
I still give karaoke a go.
I sing all night with glee,
And when I lose my key,
I continue to search high and low.
Terry Marter says:
Some lush-sounding songsters from Yonkers
Formed a promising choir, but some honkers
Joined in on their tunes
With wails worse than loons,
Cuz they thought they could sing, but they’re bonkers!
Lisi Nortman:
Search no more for a shrink; mine is hip.
He will heal you in one single trip.
To cure your depression,
There’s only one session
With JUST these three words: “Get a grip!”
Brian Allgar:
It had seemed like a promising trip,
But his search for the names made him flip.
Telling Nancy from Nikki
Was horribly tricky —
Poor Donald had quite lost his grip.
Jean McEwen:
My once-promising search for the grail
Is all over. The end of the trail
Has been reached. I’m defeated.
My hope’s been depleted.
My coffin’s now seen its last nail.
Lisi Nortman:
I was tired of frequenting bars,
And stopped searching the day I met Lars.
We were wed in a zip.
He is known for his grip;
Lars is gross, but he opens my jars.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Socks, The Horse, on his way to the barn,
Met The Kitten in search of some yarn….
This olde Aesop’s fable,
I’d spin were I able,
But I’m not, and I don’t give a darn.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Doug Harris, J.OConnor, Jean McEwen, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman, Mark Totterdell, P Diane Schneider, Paul Haebig, Phil Woodford, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
