Limerick-Off Award (517)
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
The mole has its hole to patrol,
Where its sole and its ultimate goal
Is to terminate squirms
In the verminous worms
And to jollily swallow them whole.
Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the PERKS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
My boss, her demeanor well ired,
Said “It’s your fault this project’s so mired.
It’s been stuck back in time;
You’ve done naught but this rhyme.
Your perk this year? Not being fired!”
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: CLUMSY, CONDEMNED, ODDS, SHAKE, WAVES.
I’m so klutzy and clumsy, folks fear me —
Objects often go flying, when near me.
Sure, I’ve friends who are brave,
Who’ll do more than just wave,
But there’s no one who’ll ever say, “Beer me.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Paul Haebig, Sjaan VandenBroeder, P Diane Schneider, J.OConnor, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Joan Perrin, Phil Woodford, Tim James, Bob Turvey, Terry Marter, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (GOAL/GOALS-RHYME DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
This morning I made it my goal
To dig up some “dirt” on the mole.
Upon study, I found
That a mole leaves a mound.
It’s an empty pursuit, on the whole.
Paul Haebig:
To see all fifty states was my goal!
And so, to get ready to roll
I bought E-ZPass.
But I found out, alas,
That using it sure takes a toll!
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I buy donuts, but always my goal’s
To keep track of good diet controls.
Once, I said to the gal,
“I need something low-cal,”
So she sold me a bag full of holes.
P Diane Schneider:
I’m cold and have run out of coal,
So getting me warm was the goal.
I ran off with bags,
But tripped on my rags.
They caught me with coal that I stole.
Lisi Nortman says:
It’s time I took care of my goal:
Getting rid of this unsightly mole.
When folks stare, I feel stress,
But I have to confess:
Mr. Maulwurf’s a huggable soul.
Joan Perrin:
The perfect, penned lim’rick’s my goal.
I strive for a gem. I get coal.
I yearn, but in vain,
To win in Mad Kane.
For then, I’d be one happy soul.
Phil Woodford:
Up in Lapland, quite near the North Pole
Lives a man with a singular goal:
He has to remember
To wake in December,
But for now he’s asleep, bless his soul.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Dumb mistakes and misspellings prevail,
When Trump uses his platform for mail.
Once, he asked fans to dole
Out big bucks toward his GOAL,
But unwittingly typed it as GAOL.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (PERKS-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James:
“Friends with benefits” isn’t a thing
You should say when describing a fling.
You’ll come off as a creep
And the gal will feel cheap.
“Pals with perks” doesn’t have the same sting.
Paul Haebig:
Work-from-home would drive some folks berserk.
But for me, it’s an excellent perk.
Still, I’m not one to gloat.
I like working remote,
But homing from home’s too much work!
Bob Turvey:
I know a young fellow who works
In a coffee shop run by some Turks.
He is a barista
Who cannot resist a
Free coffee. It’s one of his perks.
Terry Marter:
She was somewhat allergic to work,
But was given a car as a perk.
Jealous workmates would scoff,
“Howd’ya pull that one off?”
“I jerked off the boss for a Merc.”
Jean McEwen:
At our school, all the menfolk are jerks.
They all act as if one of the perks
Of their gender allows
Them to treat us like cows
And to meet our objections with smirks.
Tim James, for his “A Curmudgeon’s Confession.”
A perky young woman named Jo
Would spread laughter wherever she’d go.
She was bubbly and bright
And an utter delight.
That’s the reason I hated her so.
J.OConnor:
I take showers when I need to think.
Wakes me up. Makes me feel in the pink.
I can figure things out
When I’m under that spout.
Added perk: It gets rid of the stink!
HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION)
Terry Marter:You’re taking a pee on the ground,
Behind a wee bush that you’ve found,
When a bus full of wavers
Pulls up, and then savors
The odds you thought “no one’s around.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Ev’ry time that my hair cutter raves,
About “product,” my confidence caves.
In a shaky voice, I
Reply, “Give it a try.”
If I don’t, then she’s sure to make waves.
Tim James:
A jerk has a girlfriend named Inger.
The odds are, with him she won’t linger.
He called her a cow!
Look, there she goes now:
She’s waving goodbye with one finger.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award. To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bob Turvey, J.OConnor, Jean McEwen, Joan Perrin, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman, Mark Totterdell, P Diane Schneider, Paul Haebig, Phil Woodford, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
