An arrogant banker named Frank
Would always enjoy pulling rank.
And when things went awry,
He would shamelessly lie,
Blaming others — on THAT you could bank.
Archive for January, 2024
The Arrogant Banker (Limerick)
Wednesday, January 31st, 2024Another Useless “Holiday” (Limerick)
Saturday, January 27th, 2024For some inexplicable reason, today, January 27th, is “Punch The Clock Day.”
“Punch The Clock Day’s” (I’ll wager) a crock.
Why celebrate methods to dock
Someone’s pay? It’s absurd!
Moreover, I’m spurred
When awakened to punch that damn clock!
I’m Fairly Sure This Never Happened (Limerick)
Friday, January 26th, 2024A comedian’s gal-fans are reeling
From the news that he’s “guilty of dealing.”
They’re in shock! (His deliv’ry
Can make them feel quiv’ry.)
But at least they’re assured he’s appealing.
The Brawl (Limerick)
Thursday, January 25th, 2024A powerful felon named Paul
Got embroiled at a bar in a brawl.
It’s still going on now.
Root against him? And how!
He is headed, I hope, for a fall.
The Temptress (Limerick)
Tuesday, January 23rd, 2024The temptress exclaimed, “Take a lick.
But hurry! You must make it quick,
Or I’ll eat it alone.
Hey, you’ve broken my cone.
Ice cream’s melting all over your… Ick!
Happy Hugging Day (Limerick)
Sunday, January 21st, 2024A gal who was overly sweet
Loved to hug ev’ry person she’d meet.
People found this annoying
And terribly cloying,
So they hid to avoid a repeat.
National Hugging Day falls on January 21st.
Joke-Telling Jen (Limerick)
Friday, January 19th, 2024A witty old gal nicknamed Jen
Would enjoy telling jokes now and then.
When her spouse failed to get
Jenny’s jests, she would fret
And say, “Laugh, or I’ll tell it again!”
The Grumbly Staffer (Limerick)
Tuesday, January 16th, 2024“Work’s a slog,” grumbled Bob on his blog.
“I’m bogged down in my backlog; a cog
On a wheel that won’t stop.
I must go till I drop,
Though there’s time for a… Who stole my grog?!?”
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRAND at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 10, 2024)
Saturday, January 13th, 2024It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRAND at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to COACHES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best COACH-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest:
GRIP, LUSH, PROMISING, SEARCH, YARN.
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 11, 2024, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 10, 2024 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my GRAND-Rhyme Limerick:
A grandstanding fellow named Mel
Plays the piano, but not very well.
His recital was panned:
“He abused that poor grand
And deserves a life sentence in hell.”
And here’s my COACH-Themed Limerick:
“Don’t sit like a bump on a log,”
Said the coach. “Shake a leg. Maybe jog.
If you want to get fit,
It’s time to show grit,
And skip all the eggnog and grog.”
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
While reciting a tale, Dan said “Darn!
I’ve forgotten the end of this yarn,
Which (I promise) is gripping.
It features unzipping
And (maybe) a cow in a barn.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (517)
Saturday, January 13th, 2024It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off. Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
The mole has its hole to patrol,
Where its sole and its ultimate goal
Is to terminate squirms
In the verminous worms
And to jollily swallow them whole.
Congratulations to TERRY MARTER, who wins the PERKS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
My boss, her demeanor well ired,
Said “It’s your fault this project’s so mired.
It’s been stuck back in time;
You’ve done naught but this rhyme.
Your perk this year? Not being fired!”
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: CLUMSY, CONDEMNED, ODDS, SHAKE, WAVES.
I’m so klutzy and clumsy, folks fear me —
Objects often go flying, when near me.
Sure, I’ve friends who are brave,
Who’ll do more than just wave,
But there’s no one who’ll ever say, “Beer me.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Paul Haebig, Sjaan VandenBroeder, P Diane Schneider, J.OConnor, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Joan Perrin, Phil Woodford, Tim James, Bob Turvey, Terry Marter, and Jean McEwen. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (GOAL/GOALS-RHYME DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
This morning I made it my goal
To dig up some “dirt” on the mole.
Upon study, I found
That a mole leaves a mound.
It’s an empty pursuit, on the whole.
Paul Haebig:
To see all fifty states was my goal!
And so, to get ready to roll
I bought E-ZPass.
But I found out, alas,
That using it sure takes a toll!
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I buy donuts, but always my goal’s
To keep track of good diet controls.
Once, I said to the gal,
“I need something low-cal,”
So she sold me a bag full of holes.
P Diane Schneider:
I’m cold and have run out of coal,
So getting me warm was the goal.
I ran off with bags,
But tripped on my rags.
They caught me with coal that I stole.
Lisi Nortman says:
It’s time I took care of my goal:
Getting rid of this unsightly mole.
When folks stare, I feel stress,
But I have to confess:
Mr. Maulwurf’s a huggable soul.
Joan Perrin:
The perfect, penned lim’rick’s my goal.
I strive for a gem. I get coal.
I yearn, but in vain,
To win in Mad Kane.
For then, I’d be one happy soul.
Phil Woodford:
Up in Lapland, quite near the North Pole
Lives a man with a singular goal:
He has to remember
To wake in December,
But for now he’s asleep, bless his soul.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Dumb mistakes and misspellings prevail,
When Trump uses his platform for mail.
Once, he asked fans to dole
Out big bucks toward his GOAL,
But unwittingly typed it as GAOL.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (PERKS-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James:
“Friends with benefits” isn’t a thing
You should say when describing a fling.
You’ll come off as a creep
And the gal will feel cheap.
“Pals with perks” doesn’t have the same sting.
Paul Haebig:
Work-from-home would drive some folks berserk.
But for me, it’s an excellent perk.
Still, I’m not one to gloat.
I like working remote,
But homing from home’s too much work!
Bob Turvey:
I know a young fellow who works
In a coffee shop run by some Turks.
He is a barista
Who cannot resist a
Free coffee. It’s one of his perks.
Terry Marter:
She was somewhat allergic to work,
But was given a car as a perk.
Jealous workmates would scoff,
“Howd’ya pull that one off?”
“I jerked off the boss for a Merc.”
Jean McEwen:
At our school, all the menfolk are jerks.
They all act as if one of the perks
Of their gender allows
Them to treat us like cows
And to meet our objections with smirks.
Tim James, for his “A Curmudgeon’s Confession.”
A perky young woman named Jo
Would spread laughter wherever she’d go.
She was bubbly and bright
And an utter delight.
That’s the reason I hated her so.
J.OConnor:
I take showers when I need to think.
Wakes me up. Makes me feel in the pink.
I can figure things out
When I’m under that spout.
Added perk: It gets rid of the stink!
HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION)
Terry Marter:You’re taking a pee on the ground,
Behind a wee bush that you’ve found,
When a bus full of wavers
Pulls up, and then savors
The odds you thought “no one’s around.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Ev’ry time that my hair cutter raves,
About “product,” my confidence caves.
In a shaky voice, I
Reply, “Give it a try.”
If I don’t, then she’s sure to make waves.
Tim James:
A jerk has a girlfriend named Inger.
The odds are, with him she won’t linger.
He called her a cow!
Look, there she goes now:
She’s waving goodbye with one finger.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions. In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award. To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
