Limerick-Off Award (508)
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
A baker tried hard to adjust
When his shop was about to go bust.
Just a smidgen of “herb”
Made his products superb.
Now he’s part of the town’s upper crust.
Congratulations to SHARON NEEMAN, who wins the COURT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
All week I interpret in court,
Which, believe me, is work and not sport —
But I’ll take my (slim) check
To the bakery. Heck!
Not just perps can enjoy a good tort(e)!
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: PLANT, HOBBIES, LEARN, LIKEABLE, WARN.
Rose and Fern yearned to learn how to dance,
Yet they sat by the wall in a trance.
Said their mother, upset,
“Well, that’s what we get,
For naming our kids after plants.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sharon Neeman, Sue Dulley, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Tony Holmes, Mark Totterdell, Keone Morienga, Terry Marter, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, David Friedman, and Tim James. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: JUST or UNJUST or ADJUST-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO COURT-THEMED LIMERICKS)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I hope Trump isn’t limo’d, but bussed
Off to prison –not handcuffed, but trussed.
And when he complains
The Court will take pains
To give him more time to adjust.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (JUST or UNJUST or ADJUST-RHYME DIVISION)
Sharon Neeman:
She pulled and she tugged and she fussed
And made efforts her blouse to adjust,
But the gap in her top
Caught the eye of a cop,
So her cleavage led right to her bust.
Sue Dulley:
My taxes are filed, only just!
They’ve been mailed and I now have to trust
They’ll be judged as correct
And no one will suspect
That I minussed when I should have plussed.
Jean McEwen:
If there’s one thing that gals find unjust,
It’s when guys, in the grip of their lust,
Think they’ve God-given passes
To grab tits and asses.
In a just world, they’d all bite the dust.
Lisi Nortman:
“Henry darling, will you please adjust
The volume? It’s late and I must
Listen right through the wall
To hear Judy and Paul.
I need some vicarious lust.”
Tony Holmes:
Spare a thought for the chap on the wane,
Whose one thought is, “I’ll never again …”
He is forced to adjust,
As his parts start to rust,
And – increasingly – opts to abstain.
Mark Totterdell:
The wife of a man from St Just
Had a truly spectacular bust,
Which she’d swing at his head
As they frolicked in bed
Till it rendered him badly concussed.
Keone Morienga:
If the world can be said to be just,
Then these three simple things are a must:
No more suffering; nor
The raw conflict of war;
Most importantly… flash me your bust?
Terry Marter:
The hooker had such a huge bust,
That her bra straps were hard to adjust.
Boobs suddenly out;
Killed the client – one clout!
’Twas his first try at sex … and his lust!
Brian Allgar:
I may need some time to adjust;
My target was “Seven or bust” –
For one week, I would sin,
Giving each one a spin,
But I still haven’t got beyond Lust.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (COURT-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)
Lisi Nortman, who asks, “Remember this commercial?”
Michael Jordan claimed he won’t resume
His hooping, which triggered much gloom.
Although great on the court
In this fast-moving sport,
I prefer him in Fruit Of The Loom.
Dave Johnson:
“Not guilty, your Honor” he said,
When each of the charges were read.
His case went to trial;
Now there’s reason to smile:
No BLUE suits – just orange instead.
Fred Bortz, who describes it as “a bit of twisted history.”
Long ago in the Royal French Court
Lived a ruler (I’m sad to report)
Who, though having great strength,
Was deficient in length,
So his Queen called him Pepin the Short.
David Friedman:
A judge lacking reason and grace,
Who hates your religion or race,
Who isn’t too smart,
Has no mercy or heart,
Is us’lly the one who you’ll face.
Tim James:
“At the courthouse I saw lots of guys,
Big and strong, and with tears in their eyes,
Saying, ‘Sir, it’s unfair….’”
Wow, I can’t recall where
I’ve heard whoppers of similar size.
Lisi Nortman:
We courted in 1903.
I loved her and knew she loved me.
In 1904
I wanted much more.
So she finally showed me her knee.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: PLANT, HOBBIES, LEARN, LIKEABLE, WARN.)
Brian Allgar:
The enforcer is sent to warn those
Who’ve displeased the Big Boss; when he goes
Around doing his job, he
Indulges his hobby –
Collecting their fingers and toes.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
A pretentious young fellow named Bobby,
Claimed he looked up big words as a hobby.
“I don’t like learning words,”
He revealed, “it’s for nerds.
But I really do love sounding snobby.”
Tim James:
There’s a spy at the greenhouse named Grant.
He’s a likeable guy, but he can’t
Learn the diff’rence between
A sweet pea and a bean.
He’s a ringer. You might say a “plant.”
Sue Dulley:
I just learned, and it makes little sense,
Some fine words like Defence and Offence
That seem perfect to me
In my hobby, The Bee,
Need an S, not a C! (Makes me tense.😫)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
I was two when I learned that a horse
Could be banged on and beaten with force.
But that was the last time
I tried out this pastime.
(It was only a hobby, of course).
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Competition Limerick, Dave Johnson, David Friedman, Fred Bortz, Jean McEwen, Keone Morienga, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman, Mark Totterdell, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sue Dulley, Terry Marter, Tim James, Tony Holmes, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest, Writing Prompts
