MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:

Should Trump chance on a thought, then he’ll share it;
He loves nothing so much as to air it.
He’ll give to mankind
A piece of his mind,
Even though we all know he can’t spare it.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special BANK-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

At the bank, works a woman named Heller;
The job that she does isn’t stellar.
Her cash counts are wrong,
And her lines slow and long.
Is there nobody there who will tell ’er?

Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the “Random Word Generator” Limerick Award, for a clever limerick which uses at least two of these five words: YAWN, CLAIM, SPORTS, LAZY, FEARLESS.

An old rancorous widow named Maisie,
Liked to claim her late husband was lazy.
When she’d visit his plot,
She’d say, “Just as I thought —
Now he won’t even push up a daisy.”

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Dave Johnson, Trevor Alexander, Mark Totterdell, Rudy Landesman, Roger Haugen, Jean McEwen, Sue Dulley, Steve Benko, and Elizabeth M. Baker. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (TRIPLE DUTY DIVISION: MIND or MINED or REMIND-RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO BANK-THEMED LIMERICKS and RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICKS)

Brian Allgar:

The bank-teller claimed, with a yawn,
“I’ve been working all night until dawn.
Counting bank-notes, I find,
Bores me out of my mind –
I would rather count grass on the lawn.”

HONORABLE MENTIONS (MIND or MINED or REMIND-RHYME DIVISION)

Tim James:

“I must have been out of my mind,”
Said the stripper, “to get in this bind.
I’m knocked up by a slob
And it’s cost me my job.
So now I’ve a bump — with no grind.”

Lisi Nortman:

I wrote a bad verse, using “mined.”
This mistake shows my mind has declined.
I rhymed low with hello.
That’s a mega “no-no,”
So to “Lim’rick Jail” I’ve been assigned.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

When my brain’s in a dither, I find
A quick means to achieve peace of mind:
I take all the TP
Off the roll just to see
That there’s always some way to unwind.

Terry Marter:

Since you saw me last year, am I fatter?
I have tried using mind over matter.
With this matter in mind:
My tum? My behind?
Looking back we can see, – it’s the latter.

Dave Johnson:

She told him “I hope you don’t mind,
But this is the way I unwind.”
Her getting undressed
Set the stage for the rest;
Extending a date that was “blind.”

Trevor Alexander:

Well I must have been out of my mind,
When my girlfriend asked if her behind
Looked big in that dress:
My mouth told her, “Yes.”
Now to singleton life, I’m resigned.

Mark Totterdell:

I have fallen so very behind
That I guess I’m completely resigned
To the fact there’s no time
To come up with a rhyme
For this contest that has the word ‘mind.’

HONORABLE MENTIONS (BANK-THEMED LIMERICK DIVISION)

Lisi Nortman:

“Granny loves you and wants to express
Her hopes for your future success.
She sent five dollars, Frank!
Put it right in the bank.
And in time, you will see it’s worth less.”

Terry Marter:

He approached the head teller (in floral)
To tell ’er he wanted some oral.
They snuck in a closet;
He left his deposit,
Then hastily made a withdrawal.

Rudy Landesman:

On the banks of the old Jordan River
Sat King Herod; and, Lord, did he quiver!
He’d caught with some guilt a
Fat fish called gefilte.
And that, my good friends, ain’t chopped liver.

Lisi Nortman:

The first thing I felt was a tickle.
The tickle turned into a trickle.
We all had to “go”
Cause the bank line was slow.
Seems that Joe way upfront lost a nickel.

Roger Haugen:

You’d call it a pretty dumb prank,
To hold up the town’s biggest bank;
But he grabbed all the cash
And took off in a flash,
Firing only one bullet – a blank.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

I like banks that are caches for dough,
But the tilt of an airplane? Oh no!
I love banks with a slope
To a lake, but say. “Nope!”
To the ones that are made up of snow.

Banks of lights at a gala are cool,
As are bank shots in b-ball and pool;
Plus I’m an admirer,
Of Banks known as Tyra
(Though I can’t rhyme her name as a rule.)

HONORABLE MENTIONS (RANDOM WORD GENERATOR LIMERICK DIVISION: YAWN, CLAIM, SPORTS, LAZY, FEARLESS)

Tim James:

An artist who’s claimed to be fearless
Sports a look that is utterly peerless.
Surpassing Van Gogh,
He makes buckets of dough
Painting “Starry Night” knockoffs while earless.

Jean McEwen:

While the masses exhibit élan
Watching spectator sports, hanging on
To their team’s every play,
I prefer the ballet.
Watching sports gives me one great big yawn.

Sue Dulley:

In sports, I’m both fearless and lazy,
I won’t train if it’s wet, hot or hazy;
Not afraid to come last
As I have in the past,
Running slow, looking fresh as a daisy.

Tim James:

She claimed as she stifled a yawn:
“All the fun in our marriage is gone.”
He was too dense to fear
That the ending was near —
Till he found his stuff out on the lawn.

Terry Marter:

My brother, at cycling, is fearless.
He’s a champ, and I’d claim that he’s peerless.
He’s active and zealous;
I’m lazy, but jealous,
So I sold all his stuff; now he’s gear-less.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

The mere thought of a trip makes me wan;
I’m too lazy to get up at dawn,
Or to ruin a nap,
Just to look at a map,
And then roam about hither and yawn.

Steve Benko:

“To bet you will win would be crazy,”
Said the friends of a tortoise named Daisy.
But she claimed, “See that yawn?
All your jew’ls go and pawn,
For at sports that hare’s fearless but lazy.”

Elizabeth M. Baker:

To encourage a good health report,
My doctor advises a sport.
I claimed to do one,
But it just wasn’t fun —
So my lifetime will have to be short!

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

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