Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MIND or MINED or REMIND at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 15, 2022)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MIND or MINED or REMIND at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s the last contest’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BANKS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BANK-related limerick.
And for a THIRD SEPARATE CHALLENGE, I’ve used a “Random Word Generator” to generate five random words. Your challenge is to use AT LEAST TWO of the Random Words anywhere in your limericks.
Here are the FIVE RANDOM WORDS for this contest: YAWN, CLAIM, SPORTS, LAZY, FEARLESS
(You’re free to singularize/pluralize the designated random nouns and to change the tense of the designated random verbs. You can even turn adjectives in adverbs and vice versa. And you are NOT required to use any of them as rhyme words, as long as at least two of the words appear somewhere in your limericks.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 16, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you FOUR full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 15, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my MIND or MINED or REMIND-Rhyme Limerick:
A fellow was asked to help mind
A young dog by a gal in a bind.
But he said, “I’m tied up
And can’t help with that pup.”
The response she unleashed wasn’t kind.
And here’s my BANK-Themed Limerick:
A foolish young fellow named Frank
Had a low-level job in a bank.
When a gal asked for francs,
He informed her, “The ranks
Of this bank have just one, plus a Hank.
And here is my RANDOM WORD GENERATOR Limerick:
When the judge caught me yawning in court,
He accused me of being the sort
Of gal “who became
An Esq., just to claim
A husband, or simply for sport.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bank Humor, bank limerick, Competition Limerick, Dog Humor, Dog Limerick, Judge Humor, Judge Limerick, Law Humor, Law Limerick, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Legal Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money & Finance Humor, Money Limerick, Pet Humor, Pet Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Now, Gandhi had great strength of mind;
But his wife’s mum said, “You are unkind.
If you’re Brahmacharya
Why did you marry her?”
So he went home and gave her a grind.
The blast furnace of my old friend Hank,
Is now shut down and dismal and dank.
‘cos the rent on the tuyeres
Was months in arrears –
And that put the wind up the bank!
“Dearest debtor, you’ve been hard to find,
So it took us a while. Never mind.
We’ve caught up, so that’s nice.
Now, please take our advice.
And pay up! The aggrieved undersigned.”
“The outraged and much miffed – undersigned –
Are obliged by the rules to remind
Those who can’t hold their booze
That the pools are not loos!
When we know who you are, you’ll be fined!”
As a “shrink” I repeatedly find
My patients are one of a kind.
They pour out their grief.
Quickly leave with relief.
When I tell them, “It’s all in your mind.”
Do these pants magnify my behind?
Please be honest; no need to be kind.
I’ve not quite understood
Whether that’s bad or good
So whatever you say, I won’t mind.
He approached the head teller (in floral)
To tell’er he wanted some oral.
They snuck in a closet;
He left his deposit,
Then hastily made a withdrawal.
“There’s no secret to robbing a bank.
All you need is a ruddy great tank.
There may be some delay
When you’re getting away:
That’s the fly in the oint’, I’ll be frank.”
There’s a storm in the teacup, dear Frank.
What’s the matter? You’re drawing a blank.
They’re expressions!! (though I
Never saw this strange guy
Who laughed all the way to the bank.)
Ev’ry once in a while there are days
When the bank is devoid of delays.
(The weather’s quite dank
Only me in the bank)
And I still have to schlep through the maze.
Should Trump chance on a thought, then he’ll share it;
He loves nothing so much as to air it.
He’ll give to mankind
A piece of his mind,
Even though we all know he can’t spare it.
“Hubby” yelled, “You’re not in your right mind.
I want you to go out and find.
The one from before.
You’ll know so much more.
And then leave the wrong one behind.
She left me and I was resigned.
I forgot her and went out to find
A love that is new.
It soon came into view.
As they say, “Out of sight, out of mind.”
On the banks of the old Mississippi
There’s a city that’s welcomes the hippie,
The artist, the gay.
That’s the New Orleans way.
On that you can bet your sweet bippy.
There once was a student whose mind
was firmly lodged in his behind
yet somehow sat in class
with said head up said ass
denying what wisdom he’d find.
It continues to boggle the mind
How Trump’s minions, steadfastly aligned
With the con man, remain
Loyal – hoping, in vain
For some payback. (Oh, pity the blind.)
I’m perceiving a plummet in rank
Among tellers who work at the bank.
Though not quite obsolete
They’ve begun to retreat.
With those ATMs, mostly, to thank.
While the masses exhibit elan
Watching spectator sports, hanging on
To their team’s every play,
I prefer the ballet.
Watching sports gives me one great big yawn.
Private note to Jean McEwen.
Years ago I was working at the NY Athletic Club. One night in their banquet room, on big screens they were streaming a fight between Mike Tyson (the ear biter) and a challenger. The crowd (mostly men) was boisterous, fortified by much beer. At one point, I asked the lone lady at my table, “Wouldn’t you rather be at the ballet? I would.”
I got a dirty look in return.
Rudy
My cat’s lazy, not crazy ’bout fetch.
Scorning purrs, she prefers to kvetch.
Once, she reached out and yawned,
Which I took as a bond.
But I have to admit it’s a stretch.
Randoms
Well, skiing’s the sport I embrace.
They call me “The Snow-Covered Ace.”
I’m fearless and bold.
I love when it’s cold.
And knocking down trees with my face.
Randoms
When I get up too early, I yawn.
So I jump back in bed with dear Fawn.
She claims, I’m the “top.”
We snuggle non-stop.
And she also eats grass from the lawn.
Said a banker, “It’s really no fun
When the financial market’s undone.
A bank must be wealthy
If it’s to be healthy;
You do not want to see a bank run.”
When I transferred some cash to my son,
A great hue-and-cry was begun.
The bank wanted to know
Where I’d got the dough.
“Drug dealing,” I joked, “With a gun.”
When my brain’s in a dither, I find,
A quick means to achieve peace of mind:
I take all the TP
Off the roll just to see,
That there’s always some way to unwind.
Hunting season is finally here!
For me, it is like a career!
(Is it truly a sport?
If not I’ll abort)
“It’s most certainly NOT!” claimed the deer.
Hi, I’m Luigi, he’s Sonny.
Here’s our sweet deal to launder your money.
What’s that? – It’s unfair?
That we keep half your share.
Well I guess we got news for ya honey.
My outing on skis was quite short.
On top of that hill of some sort
Was I fearless? Who me?
Trembling was my left knee.
No! skiing just wasn’t my sport.
(Lies! All lies! I was a pretty good skier.)
Good day, – come on in, – you look vexed.
Are you here on account of my text?
It explained in detail:
Your investment’s a Fail
So your money’s all gone. Now, – who’s next.
Here’s the thing about bankers and cash:
They said they could double my stash.
But in very short time
I was down to a dime
Now I can’t afford bangers and mash.
(Triple)
The bank-teller claimed, with a yawn,
“I’ve been working all night until dawn.
Counting bank-notes, I find,
Bores me out of my mind –
I would rather count grass on the lawn.”
Pigeonholing the thoughts in my mind,
But they fall out and get intertwined
Then a prize-winning sort
goes AWOL; I get fraught
And just rummage about, but can’t find.
I can’t claim to be good at a sport.
My score usually ends up as naught.
But I’m happy to see
Fearless jocks on TV
While I slouch, with a large glass of port.
A sport that begins in the Spring
Is baseball, but doesn’t have zing.
It goes on much too slow.
I yawn and feel woe.
How ’bout ending each game with one swing?
Modified Limerick
A sport that begins ev’ry Spring
Is baseball, but doesn’t have zing.
Cuz it goes on too slow.
I yawn and feel woe.
How ’bout each batter getting one swing?
An old underachiever named Iggy,
Who on dying said, “This is no biggie,”
Passed on nothing but “Thanks.”
He’d no int’rest in banks —
That is, save for the one he called “piggy.”
The first thing I felt was a tickle.
The tickle turned into a trickle.
We all had to “go”
Cuz the bank line was slow.
Seems Joe way up front lost a nickel.
If you don’t mind
I’m in a little bind
It was not my fault
with help, I’ll vault
better the next time
He looks like Tom Hanks
but says no thanks
when asked for autographs
to verify the photographs
at the ATM or the banks
Don Lee
Who he?
Our verse
Is terse
But it needs a certain number of feet in each line in order to actually be called a limerick – says me.
*********************
From Mad Kane:
This gives me an excuse to post a link to my article on writing limericks.
(My article is actually linked in all of my Limerick-Off posts in the “how will your poems be judged” paragraph.)
Oh, “hubby” I must speak my mind:
Our sex life is on a decline.
Then remembered the “switch”
It was merely a glitch.
And I put Charlie dear on rewind.
OOPS! Rhyming Error!
Oh, “hubby” I must speak my mind:
Our sex life has greatly declined.
Then remembered the “switch”
It was merely a glitch.
And I set Charlie dear on rewind.
At a kegger, Lance claimed to be fearless,
And in matters of combat quite peerless.
When the brew was all gone,
Then he said with a yawn,
“Oh, forget it. I meant to say ‘beerless.'”
This new vision is blowing my mind
Thanks to surgery, the cataract kind
Now happily this writer
Notes the lights are much brighter
And my keys are easier to find!
She told him “I hope you don’t mind;
But this is the way I unwind.”
Her getting undressed
Set the stage for the rest;
Their first date had risen from “blind”.
Though that garbage smells like a behind,
I still think that rats are real kind.
And when it’s real dark,
I jog in the park.
I’m in such a New York state of mind.
From The Archives, when the theme was “jazz”
Still groovin’ although he was blind,
He was certainly one of a kind.
Not a thing could compare
To his brilliant despair
When Georgia was still on his mind.
(not for this competition)
He yawned and then asked if I’d mind.
If he kicked back, began to unwind.
His claim of no sleep,
Seemed like a leap.
Towards lazy – suspect he’s inclined.
I can’t always remember. Be kind.
I’ve forgotten, my dear, to remind
You of what you should say;
When they take you away.
But don’t worry. The papers I’ve signed.
I’m not lazy, as most people claim.
And calling me names is a shame.
I couldn’t be bolder.
I’m “The Great Title Holder.”
(Well, actually, only in name.)
Your seance prediction seemed kind:
Our souls were to soon be aligned.
But the meaning I ‘read’:
‘Side by side in your bed’
Was not quite what I had in mind.
Robbing the Bank?
I like banks that are caches for dough,
But the tilt of an airplane? Oh no!
I love banks with a slope
To a lake, but say. “Nope!”
To the ones that are made up of snow.
Banks of lights at a gala are cool,
As are bank shots in b-ball and pool;
Plus I’m an admirer,
Of Banks known as Tyra
(though I can’t rhyme her name as a rule).
(A revision of my 9/22 2:19 pm post)
She told him “I hope you don’t mind,
But this is the way I unwind.”
Her getting undressed
Set the stage for the rest;
Extending a date that was “blind”.
Senior Citizen Living
“Oh, Homer dear will you remind
Me about our two kids, (I’ve declined.)
I know the girl’s Jill,
And our boy’s name is Bill.
But which one’s the horse’s behind?”
The Lazy Person’s Thought Process
Something thrilling popped into my head.
I felt fearless, with no sense of dread:
Since I’m always so idle,
And a bit suicidal,
There’s a fine line ‘tween lazy and dead.
“Though I’d like to castrate him, I find
I admire the lad’s chutzpah – but mind!
Where my daughter’s concerned,
I won’t have my rules spurned.
See the ground round her quarters is mined.”
Too late I realised I’ve used mind and mined. Sorry.
“Though I’d like to castrate him, I find
I can’t help but admire the lad’s rind!
But, where daughter’s concerned,
I won’t have my rules spurned.
See the ground round her quarters is mined.”
“The immortal rind.” as in gall, audacity. P.G. Wodehouse
Jeeves In The Offing
“I’m not fearless, so full-contact sports
Are anathema. Not so short shorts:
But I’m lazy to boot
So, my fav’rite pursuit
Is as scorer – girls’ volleyball courts.”
This genius quit stretching his mind,
Thought it was too much of a grind;
Contented to doodle
While gorging on streudel–
His brain’s now a calcified rind,
You’d call it a pretty dumb prank,
To hold up the town’s biggest bank;
But he grabbed the cash,
Took off in a flash,
Firing only one bullet–a blank.
replace previous mind limerick punctuation error
This genius quit stretching his mind,
Thought it way too much of a grind;
Contented to doodle
While gorging on streudel–
His brain’s now a calcified rind.
Have you heard about “Real Lazy Fred?”
He claimed that he’s “never felt dread”
Cuz his “fun never ends
Since he’s “made such good friends
With the bugs who reside in his bed.”
Don’t wash all those pots and those pans!
Come join us! “The We’re Lazy Fans”
We yawn all day long,
And sing “Happy” song
When we’ve cancelled our very own plans.
(“Happy” song, written by Pharrell Williams, released in 2013)
On the banks of the Suwannee River
Sat Al Jolson who was all aquiver,
When he got his dear wish —
Caught a gefilte fish.
He sang “Swanee” and that ain’t chopped liver.
He claims he’s not lazy; he’s “tired.”
And yesterday “tired” was fired.
From the Ace Driving School
Due to one silly rule:
It seems that his license expired.
People fight off disease through the ages,
With a fearlessness some call outrageous,
To build an alliance,
With something called “science,”
While a yawn is the thing most contagious.
I’m fearless and bold; that’s no lie.
I love risky sports, so I try
Cool scuba or skiing
Though when I start peeing,
I realize I’m nuts and might die.
Some say, “Bowling’s a sport that’s complete.
And no other one can compete.”
And why? People claim,
“It’s the very best game
Cuz when playing, you also can eat.”
Don’t bowl with your friends, just refuse!
Say, “That sport gives me germophobe blues.”
They should know that you’re fearless
And have always been tearless.
Then remind them about the used shoes.
A young bandit in South Delaware
Burst into a bank in the square.
“Put your hands up,” he cried,
Then he ran off to hide
When an Englishman asked him, “Up where?”
Since you saw me last year, am I fatter?
I’ve tried using mind over matter.
With this matter in mind:
My tum? or behind?
Looking back we can see, – it’s the latter.
Now THAT’S Lazy!
I’m lazy and free from all strife.
So I had to get rid of my wife.
I yawn most of the day.
And I’m happy to say.
Someone else now is living my life.
slight change in line two “Now THAT’S Lazy!”
I’m lazy and free from all strife.
It felt great getting rid of my wife.
I yawn most of the day,
And I’m happy to say:
Someone else is now living my life
While I lectured on how to enhance
The security of banks and Finance,
My girlfriend, out back,
Read my thesis on Hack;
Stole my house; my ID; shirt, and pants.
The mere thought of a trip makes me wan;
I’m too lazy to get up at dawn,
Or to ruin a nap,
Just to look at a map,
And then roam about hither and yawn.
“I love you” he said with a yawn;
She wondered “how can this go on?
His lazybones style
Is no reason to smile;
He’ll never be up before dawn.”
“Granny loves you and wants to express
Her hopes for your future success.
She sent five dollars, Frank.
Put it right in the bank.
And in time, you will see it’s worth less.”
The World thought that bartering stank,
So invented a scheme to outrank.
Now we’ve coins from the mill,
And a green dollar bill.
Lots of which I’ve just swapped for a Bank.
Said my father, “I think I’ll invest
My spare cash in tattoos for my chest.
I’ve a picture in mind –
Charlie Chaplin’s behind –
It’ll make me laugh when I’m depressed.”
Now fracking’s a hazardous game
But Great Britain has entered the frame.
I’m fearless on the trail
As I slice through the shale,
Quite determined to stake my first claim.
Chopped Liver Redux
On the banks of the old Jordan River
Sat King Herod; and, Lord, did he quiver!
He caught with some guilt a
Fat fish called gefilte.
And that, my good friends, ain’t chopped liver.
My brother, at cycling, is fearless.
He’s a champ, and I’d claim that he’s peerless.
He’s active and zealous;
I’m lazy, but jealous,
So I sold all his stuff, now he’s gear-less.
Never wakes until well after morn;
He could sleep through a freight trucker’s horn.
During days spent supine,
To the ceiling he’ll whine:
“I’m so tired, and too lazy to yawn”.
“I must have been out of my mind,”
Said the stripper, “to get in this bind.
I’m knocked up by a slob
And it’s cost me my job.
So now I’ve a bump — with no grind.”
Are you sickened by Sports on TV,
Perhaps dying to watch Jeopardy?
Put a knife to your throat,
As you claim the remote.
What a game changer that ought to be.
My indolent boyfriend, dear Chris
Claims he loves me, but something’s amiss.
Cuz I’m always wired.
And he’s always tired.
And too lazy to throw me a kiss.
“I found this long thing by mum’s bed”.
Said the kid, as he showed his friend Ted.
“‘Makes a buzz, of the kind
That (Mum says) Slows her mind.
Well, – I’m pretty sure That’s what she said”.
I was flying back home from Glengarry on
A long trip that I took my canary on,
When a big lazy brute,
Both hirsute and astute,
Claimed, “There’s carrion, Miss, in your carry-on!”
(Certain facts of this tale I may vary on)
At the bank works a woman named Heller;
The job that she does isn’t stellar.
Her cash counts are wrong,
And her lines slow and long.
Is there nobody there who will tell ‘er?
“Kim”
I’ll try one of these verses; I’m Kim!
People claim I’m “disturbingly slim.”
This might be a quirk:
But chewing is Work!
I’m too lazy to finish this lim.
a slight modification from Sept. 21st. at 5:09 PM
“Oh Charlie, I must speak my mind!
Our sex life has greatly declined!
(I remembered the switch)
It was merely a glitch.
And I set Charlie dear on “rewind.”
“The Jock”
I’m on a real cool winning streak!
With sports, one must have great technique.
I make fearless high bets.
And have zero regrets.
My specialty’s “Hide-And- Go- Seek.
Fearless Ares who claimed Aphrodite,
Guzzled wine to get into her nightie.
When he drank till he stank,
And then bragged of his rank,
She said, “God, you are so high and mighty.”
She claimed as she stifled a yawn:
“All the fun in our marriage is gone.”
He was too dense to fear
That the ending was near —
Till he found his stuff out on the lawn.
For a grand slam on the random words:
“To bet you will win would be crazy,”
Said the friends of a tortoise named Daisy.
But she claimed, “See that yawn?
All your jewels go and pawn,
For at sports that hare’s fearless but lazy.”
All the money he had in the bank
Didn’t help as the ship slowly sank.
“While on land I’m the master,”
Said John Jacob Astor,
“This movie saves Rose, the cheap skank.”
“The Tennis Cure”
“Hubby” claimed that he felt “like a wreck.”
Since we don’t have a car, What A Trek
To the great U.S. Open.
He said he was hopin’
That this sport would allay his stiff neck.
Air Sport: “Wire Walking”
San Juan, Puerto Rico, 1978 “Sad Story”
I remember the great Karl Wallenda:
A man with a fearless agenda.
This amazing defier
Fell off the high wire.
This air sport for Karl caused his enda.
I drove to the bank in my Benz
To deposit my thousands of tens.
I trust them, but HEY!
Why is it that they
Don’t trust ME? I resent chained-up pens.
On Banking, he wrote a large tome.
With that subject, he felt quite at-home.
Though the book may stand tall,
Its writer is small:
From Zurich, the author’s a Gnome.
For double duty:
“That you’re tiny down there I don’t mind,”
Murmured Stormy, not being unkind.
“For he’s big where it counts,”
She thought, ready to pounce;
“To his ‘uge bank account I’m not blind.”
It seems that my future is hazy.
And only because I am lazy.
I yawned and forgot
Does he love me or not?
I catnapped and then lost the daisy.
“Daisy Bell” (A bicycle built for two)
Ignore that dumb song about “Daisy”
Her suitor was blatantly lazy.
He claimed his devotion
With partial emotion.
Remember this man was “half-crazy.”
Never seen quite a tighter nail-biter,
Than when Rhyming Ron won the all-nighter.
For the new words he’d mined,
Accolades underlined:
He’s The Pick, as a limerick writer.
MIND
In the war we just had to remind
Sailors that seas had been mined.
Their response was to ask
Why we had such a task
Could we not get it out of our mind?
BANKS
If, like me, you’ve stopped visiting banks
I guess you’ll have done so with thanks.
No more mile-long queues
Which were just an excuse
To get you to try to break ranks.
YAWN, CLAIM, SPORTS, LAZY, FEARLESS
When I’m asked to watch sports I just yawn
‘Cos I find them more boring than porn.
Am I lazy? Not so.
I hate what they want when I go
And I’d rather sit down on my lawn!
A woman inquired if I’d mind
If she gave me a very fine grind.
It pains me to say
This was in a café.
And the grind? Not the amorous kind.
Well I must have been out of my mind
When my girlfriend asked if her behind
Looked big in that dress
‘Cause my mouth said yes
Now to singleton life I’m resigned
from October 2nd, 4:19 correction line five: The Tennis cure
”Hubby” claimed that he felt like a ”wreck.”
Since we don’t have a car, what a trek!
To the great U.S. Open
He said he was hopin’
This sport would allay his stiff neck.
An old rancorous widow named Maisie,
Liked to claim her late husband was lazy.
When she’d visit his plot,
She’d say, “Just as I thought —
Now he won’t even push up a daisy.”
Her name isn’t really Ruth, but incase the real aunt reads this, she wont’
know I’m talking about her.(:
I pondered and drove myself crazy!
”What else could I say about lazy?”
Oh! Aunt Ruth has a stench.
She smells like a trench.
And claims she’s ”as fresh as a daisy”
Mind and Randoms
I’m 90 and have a good mind.
And no one should claim I’ve declined.
Even though I am old,
I’m so fearless and bold
I can still look at ”hubby’s” behind.
God’s Reminder:
God created man to remind
That all his life was strictly timed
For him to understand
His life shallt be well planned ,
Or else that life is undermined .
Though I’m yawning, I never will bend.
This drowsiness, I shall transcend.
I am fearless, not lazy!
Don’t claim I am crazy!
My lim’rik block shortly will end. Sports
“Hard To Be A Senior Citizen” (sort of)
In “Senior Club” all the gang meets
Taking turns, to serve coffee and sweets.
And we always remind
The one who’s “assigned”
To put on our weeks fitted sheets.
Robert Frost had appointments to keep.
But a snow bank, both massive and steep,
Had him knee-deep in snow
With miles still to go;
Before he’d at last get some sleep.
Sorry, I submitted a first draft of the Robert Frost limerick. Please consider this version instead.
Robert Frost had appointments to keep.
He stopped in the woods for a peep.
He was knee-deep in snow
With miles still to go;
Before he’d at last get some sleep.
MIND or MINED or REMIND
Few parts of my brain are refined,
There’s both ‘garbage’ and ‘useful’ combined.
Just beware all who enter
Digging deep to the centre;
Mind out when you’re mining my mind.
If you’ve euros or dollars or francs,
Most people will keep ’em in banks.
But if your name’s Putin
(Withdrawing and re-routin’)
You’ll invest all your roubles in tanks.
The worker (Italian fella)
At the bank, told young Mary she’s bella.
So Bella (confused)
Told the dude “I feel used, –
You need to improve as a Teller.”
I love it when Na Na Marie
Takes me bankin’ it’s just her and me!
Hope it’s not a real sin
When she sticks some card in
And gets all the money for free!
“Try again, FBI, and you’ll find
That the lawn of my golf club I’ve mined,”
Said Donald. “Though warrants
Come at me in torrents,
I’ll blow you up. Kiss my behind!”
Had nothing to do, so I mined.
Found a spot where the sun brightly shined.
I dug way down below.
Some man said, “Hello
Name’s Hoffa, I’ve been real confined.”
A 49er staking his claim
Must be fearless, not lazy or lame.
Work starts at dawn.
No time to yawn.
In sports it’s really the same.
Two Limericks Above: 1:53 PM
I wrote a wrong verse, using “mined.”
This mistake shows my mind has declined.
I rhymed low with hello.
That’s a mega “no-no.”
To Lim’rik Jail, I’ve been assigned.
An artist who’s claimed to be fearless
Sports a look that is utterly peerless.
Surpassing Van Gogh,
He makes buckets of dough
Painting “Starry Night” knockoffs while earless.
Old Wives’ Tail?
I’d keep waking my dog up at dawn,
And then train him to yawn when I yawn,
To claim truly that he,
Does possess empathy.
But he’s close-mouthed, so theory withdrawn.
They truly are one of a kind,
Two peas in a pod of like mind.
They sleep until three,
And at four they have tea.
Then take five, have a drink and unwind.
But too lazy to count yesterday,
At sixes and sevens were they;
And they yawned while they ate.
Tea at nine? That’s too late.
They were lacking attention, I’d say.
“Memory is the treasure of the mind.”,
To do all things well, it is assigned;
Tom found a good girl friend,
Claimed her within the trend;
A sheik’s daughter as she was, in Mars they dined .
In his book Gershon Legman opined
That no rhyme for “spoilt” could we find.
No rhyme for spoilt?
Perhaps he was doilt;
In other words – out of his mind.
(See claim on page 8 of volume 1 of the Panther edition of Legman’s The Limerick. The OED defines doilt as a participal adjective of uncertain Scottish origin meaning stupid or crazed.)
In those round-tabled knights days, -“For sable”,
Saucy Sue claimed “I’m willing and able,
To turn tricks for your pleasure.”
And she DID: At her leisure,
Lazy Susan went ‘round the whole table.
Hey Bob,
To find a definition of “doilt”, all you have do is go to Google.
*****
From Mad:
I’m pretty sure he knows that.
Lazy coppers had all missed the boat,
And the serial killer took note.
She would fearlessly kill
Random people at will.
She’s the lady on “Murder, She Wrote.”
(Hat tip and farewell to Angela Lansbury.)
Puzzling over a Crossword, I find,
There’s much trivia I’ve left behind.
Answers, when I was young,
On the tip of my tongue,
Must have moved to the back of my mind.
Brooklyn, 1956, (Bensonhurst, etc.:)
Hey, who really needs a wood court?
When ya’ got your own concrete resort!
All us “Brookies” would claim,
“This here’s the best game:
A hoop and a ball, what a sport!”
Attention All Limerick-Off Procrastinators: The current Limerick-Off ends this Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
Investors, I need to be frank.
No more help from the Federal Bank.
For Jeremy Powell
Has thrown in the towel –
Economy’s goin’ in the tank.
From the Strait of Hormuz we weigh anchor
Crude oil in the hold of our tanker
“The channel is mined!”
(So the navy opined)
They were right, and that was what sank her.
Did you realize Jesus was gay?
When flirting with Satan one day:
“Let me remind ye
To get thee behind me!”
Matthew recorded him say.
Susan yawned “I would never get laid,
Not even if handsomely paid.”
When an ugly tycoon
Offered trips ‘round the Moon
Lazy Sue wasn’t hard to persuade.
How was YOUR day?
Driving home on a road that’s not lined,
Cutting corners; it’s dark; I’m half blind.
I was wined; I was dined,
But I’d been under-mined.
I’ve been speeding, – and now I’ve been fined.
I have fallen so very behind
That I guess I’m completely resigned
To the fact there’s no time
To come up with a rhyme
For this contest that has the word ‘mind’.
A mechanic went into a bank,
And asked to deposit a crank.
The clerk, disconcerted,
Mechanic inserted:
“I’m just giving your chain a good yank!”
To encourage a good health report,
My doctor advises a sport.
I claimed to do one,
But it just wasn’t fun —
So my living will have to be short!
The fire department would claim
That buildings weren’t safe — what a shame!
People yawned, “That’s a joke!”
Until they smelled smoke,
And saw the first bright orange flame.
On a ride to our town’s local bank,
The horse pulled my coins with a clank.
On the pathway she strode,
Enjoying the load,
Until we met quicksand and sank!
I’ve invented a new favorite sport:
Watching boats on the ocean cavort!
But friends burst my bubble
With news bringing trouble:
They decide I’m the laziest sort!
A man worked at multiple banks.
Had a higher up job in the ranks,
Determining shots,
Making money, the lots —
He did all but remark his good thanks!
1930s employee named Hank
Had a janitor’s job at the bank.
But the damning depression
Would encourage confession:
“Hate my job, hate my life, let’s be frank!”
There once was a clock tough and fearless;
He claimed to be usually tearless.
Though he wished he could chime,
And deliver the time,
This poor “clock” was actually gearless!
Hearing noise at the starting of dawn,
I sit up and lazily yawn.
I’m filled with relief
That it wasn’t a thief,
But those squirrels on my roof and the lawn!
The attic at Fruity Town Bank
Was drearily dusty and dank.
We rummaged around
And boy, what we found:
Bananas were rotting — they stank!
There once was a child named Mazy,
Who wished to stop being so lazy.
Then she tried a new sport
At the club tennis court,
But she did it too much — now she’s crazy!
People don’t grant a sloth much renown;
He is seen as an indolent clown.
But isn’t it crazy,
To claim a guy’s lazy,
Just for choosing to sleep upside down?
Our elders are watchful and kind,
With a knack to adeptly remind
Us to do some self care,
Get outside, feel the air . . .
Without them, our wits would be declined!
Thanks so much everyone for another fun Limerick-Off, which is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 501. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Dress.