Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DEEDS or MISDEEDS) at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 14, 2022)

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DEEDS or MISDEEDS at the end of ANY ONE LINE. (A homonym or homophone not listed here may be used in lieu of the designated rhyme word.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INVENTIONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INVENTION-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on May 15, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 14, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my DEEDS or MISDEEDS-rhyme limerick:

A bomber (uncaught) is aghast:
He’d been certain his freedom would last.
But some fresh cold-case leads
To his evil misdeeds
Mean a trial for a blast from the past.

And here’s my INVENTIONS-themed limerick:

When informed his design was unsound,
An inventor’s distress was profound:
“The unfairness is blatant!
Their bias is patent!
My grinder has broken new ground!”

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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159 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DEEDS or MISDEEDS) at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: May 14, 2022)”

  1. Tony Holmes says:

    Shedding tears but still clutching the deeds –
    To the gold mine – and clad in her weeds,
    Sad her husband had died,
    A young man at her side.
    (Life goes on – and a widow has needs.)

  2. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry, Mad. Careless of me. Would you delete the ‘s after husband, please, save me reposting. (Yes, I shall be more careful from now on.) X

  3. Brian Allgar says:

    (Variation on an old one)

    The chap had invented the wheel,
    But his wife found its Achilles’ heel.
    “The concept is there,
    But you’ve made the thing square;
    It needs to be rounder, I feel.”

  4. Brian Allgar says:

    (A new light on an old film)

    With a fortune beyond his own needs,
    Mr Deeds gave it all to hayseeds.
    But his daughter “turned tricks”
    With those newly-rich hicks,
    Which is why she was known as “Miss Deeds”.

  5. Bob Turvey says:

    In old China there lived one T’sai Lun,
    And d’you know what he’s said to have done?
    He invented paper!
    Then said of this caper,
    ” ‘Twas needed to wrap a jam bun.”

  6. Bob Turvey says:

    To her doc said the stately Miss Deeds,
    “I have unfulfilled female needs.”
    The doc gave a glance,
    Then took off his pants;
    “Iron these ‘til the feeling recedes.”

  7. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m a rake and a pirate. Misdeeds
    Are my sine qua non. All proceeds
    From my ill-gotten gains
    Goes on vintage champagnes,
    Thus ensuring my raking succeeds.”

  8. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m a rake and a pirate. Misdeeds
    Are my sine qua non. All proceeds
    From my ill-gotten gains
    Go on vintage champagnes,
    Thus ensuring my raking succeeds.”

    Ahem! No comment. (Sorry!)

  9. Fred Bortz says:

    Though reporting on grievous misdeeds,
    Her articles got too few reads.
    “First graphs must be bolder,”
    The editor told her,
    “And don’t ever bury the ledes.”

  10. Rudy Landesman says:

    Babylonians invented the wheel.
    And you wonder: “So what’s the big deal?”
    Without wheels on your car
    You wouldn’t get far
    And shopping would be an ordeal.

  11. Fred Bortz says:

    The outcome was nearly the worst.
    The inventor felt he was cursed.
    His high hopes were smashed
    When his vehicle crashed.
    He should have invented brakes first.

  12. Fred Bortz says:

    Revision

    The outcome was nearly the worst.
    The inventor believed he was cursed.
    His high hopes were smashed
    When his vehicle crashed.
    He should have invented brakes first.

  13. Rudy Landesman says:

    Indeed, she has needs our Miss Deeds.
    Her new passion she ardently feeds.
    She’s post-menopause.
    Could that be the cause
    That pornography’s all that she reads?

  14. Steve Frakt says:

    The caveman did finally reveal
    An invention he thought so ideal
    To greatly enhance
    The human advance
    At long last, he made a square wheel

  15. Lisi Nortman says:

    I truly don’t feel any shame.
    I’m just an excitable dame.
    I’ve compared my misdeeds
    To my paramount needs.
    And the number’s exactly the same.

  16. Lisi Nortman says:

    A New Invention

    I’ve joined “The Advanced Mommy’s Group”
    It’s important to stay in the loop.
    There’s a rattle that sings.
    And a diaper that dings
    Ev’ry time that it senses a poop.

  17. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Judge said, “The number exceeds
    Ten thousand, and that’s lots of seeds”‘
    ‘Twas a furious throng
    At “The Case Of The Schlong”
    A.K.A. Harvey Weinstein’s misdeeds.

  18. Rudy Landesman says:

    They’re coining new rhyme words for fun,
    And Miss Deeds is upset and she’s done.
    She didn’t expect
    To get disrespect,
    But her name was abused with a pun.

  19. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Revision

    I truly don’t feel any shame.
    I’m just an excitable dame.
    I’ve compared my misdeeds
    To my unrestrained needs.
    And it seems they are one and the same.

  20. Lisi Nortman says:

    Jim invented dog treats, just because
    He adored his Chihuahua named Buzz.
    And now Jim is gone,
    But his mem’ry lives on.
    He was such a good boy. Yes he was.

  21. Fred Bortz says:

    A two-fer, deeds and invention, based on a sad but true story

    A Trump insurrectionist pleads
    Not guilty of treasonous deeds.
    But the video shows
    Him delivering blows
    To the nose of a guard, which then bleeds.

    He claims it was legal dissention
    By patriot groups in convention.
    But you cannot deny
    It was based on a lie,
    A malicious, seditious invention.

    Despite his repeated denial,
    His actions that day were most vile.
    He’ll deserve to do time
    For committing a crime.
    I eagerly wait for the trial.

  22. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    “My new vibrator,” said Dr. Brown,
    “Will eradicate any gal’s frown.
    To his pitch she accedes,
    Which fulfills all her needs,
    So each evening Miss Deeds goes to town.

  23. Lisi Nortman says:

    The World’s Greatest Invention: The Thermos Bottle

    The thermos invention’s not new.
    I heard that it’s great through and through.
    It keeps cold stuff cold.
    Or HOT! so I’m told.
    But how do it know what to do?

  24. Lisi Nortman says:

    The invention of Q-Tip’s the best
    Awesome miracle; I’m so impressed.
    You can clean out the goo
    From your ears, and then you
    Can perform your in-house Covid test.

  25. Bob Turvey says:

    I know an invention that’s grand –
    (Though I think it was really unplanned.)
    It’s just five lines long –
    Can be sung, like a song –
    Let’s give our old verse a big hand!

  26. Moving forward, MTG proceeds
    to uncover Dem pedophile deeds.
    She calls in Mat Gaetz
    and Jayson Boebert, who states
    they’re the right men to find any leads!

  27. Fred Bortz says:

    Repeating with a corrected spelling of dissension.

    A two-fer, deeds and invention, based on a sad but true story

    A Trump insurrectionist pleads
    Not guilty of treasonous deeds.
    But the video shows
    Him delivering blows
    To the nose of a guard, which then bleeds.

    He claims it was legal dissension
    By patriot groups in convention.
    But you cannot deny
    It was based on a lie,
    A malicious, seditious invention.

    Despite his repeated denial,
    His actions that day were most vile.
    He’ll deserve to do time
    For committing a crime.
    I eagerly wait for the trial.

  28. Terry Marter says:

    Asked to speak at Inventors Convention;
    Took his seat there, with some apprehension.
    Felt a lump; had a fidget:
    His USB widget
    Was stuck, in a place I won’t mention.

  29. Tony Holmes says:

    “The new advert reads: ‘Sporting Ms Deeds.
    Entertainment, whatever your needs.
    Don’t be coy. By my powers
    Minutes drag as though hours.
    Testimonial: ‘Ms D’ Exceeds!!’”

  30. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    One farsighted lech often pleads,
    That blurred vision has caused his misdeeds.
    When a gal in his car,
    Cries, “You’re going too far!”
    It’s the stop signs, he claims, he misreads.

  31. Terry Marter says:

    The rig anal-ysed my strong fart;
    Fed-back samples via nose, to my heart.
    I was told the endeavour
    Would make me more clever
    But it’s only my eyes it made Smart.

  32. Terry Marter says:

    The comp’ for a clever invention,
    He entered with much apprehension.
    He was right to surmise
    He would not win the prize
    But he Did get an Hon’rable Mention.

  33. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    No one knows who invented the wheel,
    But we know who rhymed “deal” with “ordeal”,
    And whose meter is weak,
    So please try a small tweak:
    Add a pun to increase the appeal.

  34. Tony Holmes says:

    “The Sumerians?” “Taken up arms.
    Some ‘Infringement Of Patent’ alarms.
    Wheel invented – – some chap – –
    Babylonians.” “Crap!
    I’d keep out of it, mate, till it calms.”

  35. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Melville’s Bartleby had modern needs;
    He loathed copying archaic screeds.
    Saying, “I prefer not to,”
    In truth, he was hot to
    Rewrite all the “forsooths” as “indeeds.”

  36. Lisi Nortman says:

    “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished”

    I always assumed that good deeds
    Were like sprinkling fortuitous seeds.
    Yet when I give support,
    I end up in court:
    And arrested for scattering weeds.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Naughty Jael”

    I was married to black-hearted Fred.
    Forgive me, I wished the man dead.
    But remem’bring good deeds,
    Based on biblical creeds,
    I drove a tent peg through his head.

    (Judges 4:21)

  38. Tim James says:

    Said a man to be judged by St. Pete:
    “Let me pass through these gates, I entreat.
    I belong here, it’s clear;
    I invented light beer!”
    He got sent to The Bad Place, tout de suite.

  39. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction Of Incorrect Grammar In Limerick #35

    “No Good Deed Goes Unpunished”

    I always thought doing good deeds
    Meant sprinkling fortuitous seeds.
    Yet when I give support,
    I end up in court
    Being guilty of “Scattering Weeds”.

  40. Randy Wagner says:

    Said Bach to young Madam Beauvais,
    “If you sit down beside me I’ll play
    A sweet two-part invention.”
    (He chose not to mention
    ‘Twould be contrapuntal foreplay.)

  41. Randy Wagner says:

    Argh! Play & foreplay is a repeat end rhyme! I’ll fix it and resubmit.

  42. Randy Wagner says:

    OK. I fixed it. Here is my official invention limerick. :)

    Said Bach to young Madam Beauvais,
    “Allow me to play, if I may,
    A sweet two-part invention.”
    (He chose not to mention
    ‘Twould be contrapuntal foreplay.)

  43. Tony Holmes says:

    “I am grateful for Randy’s invention
    I am better informed. (His intention?)
    Am I wiser? I fear
    I am not – yes, oh, dear –
    But at least now I’m paying attention.”

    (My thanks for ‘contrapuntal’.)

  44. Tony Holmes says:

    And, of course, to F. E. Smith. (Lord Birkenhead)

  45. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    On “Shark Tank” a guy made a pitch,
    For a gizmo that fixes a glitch.
    Maybe one of those deals
    With retractable wheels?
    He said that it comes with a hitch.

  46. Terry Marter says:

    Having sex with his wife, his misdeed
    Was forgetting the K-Y he’d need.
    His solution was naughty
    (Used WD-40)
    And soon after, from marriage was freed.

  47. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Adding to Randy’s and Tony’s Point Counterpoint:

    Now that Tony has paid due attention,
    To Randy’s melodic invention,
    Berlin’s “You’re Just in Love,”
    Since it fits like a glove,
    Deserves mention, at least, by extension.

  48. Tony Holmes says:

    Damn, blast and rude words!! You’ve pinched my thunder. (Just kidding.)

    Sjaan, that was exactly what came into my mind I understood what contrapuntal – lovely word – meant. It’s something I sing all the time, especially when I’m driving. I have to do both parts but in sequence. It loses something, obviously, but I still hear the counterpoint in my head. LOL

  49. Tony Holmes says:

    That should be, ‘… mind once I understood. ..’

  50. Lisi Nortman says:

    Invention For Lazy Dog Owners

    I dote on my new doggie, Piper.
    I love her albeit she’s hyper.
    But who wants to bend down
    All over the town?
    Not me! I’ve invented “Dog Diaper”.

  51. Rudy Landesman says:

    Dear Konrad, I’m truly impressed.
    With skills of critiquing you’re blessed.
    You point out misdeeds.
    (Lord knows there are needs.)
    We thank you. We’ll now do our best.

  52. Rudy Landesman says:

    Revision of posting on 5/1 2:03 pm

    Sumerians invented the wheel.
    You wonder: “So what’s the big deal?”
    Without wheels on your car
    You can’t get very far,
    And shopping would bring you to heel.

    (Is that better, Konrad? But I won’t sink so low as to add a pun.)

    ****************
    From Mad Kane:

    I’m curious, Rudy. Do you dislike ALL puns? Or just BAD puns? (BAD, of course, being in the eye and ear of the beholder.)

    While I personally find some puns to be corny, I generally find that puns and other wordplay can add a lot to a limerick.

  53. Lisi Nortman says:

    What An Invention For Only A Dollar!

    In the 50’s, my best pal was Stinky.
    He stunk, but he never was kinky.
    We flipped over a toy
    Invented for joy.
    (So head over heels with our Slinky)

  54. Terry Marter says:

    Mad, I just realised (at May 4, 11.25am) I used Misdeed instead of Misdeeds as the rhyme word. Unfortunately the fix is more problematic (for L5) than simply adding S etc.
    The replacement is below. Maybe not as good but at least it’s eligible.

    Having sex with his wife; two misdeeds:
    Forgetting the K-Y she needs.
    And resorting (SO naughty)
    To WD-40,
    From Marriage he’s freed, he concedes.

  55. Tony Holmes says:

    “Naughty fellows must own their misdeeds,
    To be sure that the new leaf succeeds.
    Trials and trib’s are in store
    For the chaps who ignore
    This injunction, and downfall proceeds.”

  56. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Sadly, Rudy, it’s not, but let’s not clutter up this page anymore. Mad has my email address if you want to discuss it further.

  57. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Rocky and Bullwinkle: The Limerick

    Dudley Do-Right (so-dubbed for his deeds),
    Claimed “Compassion” as one of his creeds.
    That’s the reason, of course,
    Why he named his horse, “Horse” —
    So he wouldn’t be saddled with “Steeds.”

  58. Lisi Nortman says:

    As a boy scout, I know what to do.
    To the creed, I will always be true.
    I perform real good deeds.
    That’s why I sow seeds.
    And planted a tree in the loo.

  59. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    For Rudy, Konrad, and Mad

    I’ve not jumped on this wagon to haze you,
    (‘Ear ye, ‘ear ye, all punsters, I praise you!).
    But when all’s said and done,
    I’ve invented a pun,
    That’s so corny (aw shucks) ’twill a-maize you.

    **************
    From Mad:

    LOL! Very clever!

  60. Lisi Nortman says:

    Don’t join Boy Scouts; it’s really no treat.
    I quit with a sense of defeat.
    I stopped doing good deeds.
    Couldn’t stand all those creeds.
    I help people cross half of the street.

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    Well- known for his utter rapacity
    And gross nonexistent sagacity
    Ignoring misdeeds,
    Donald Trump still proceeds
    To flaunt his diminished capacity.

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    I detect a rhyming error! Try again

    Well-known for his utter audacity
    And gross nonexistent sagacity
    Ignoring misdeeds,
    Donald Trump still proceeds
    To flaunt his diminished capacity.

  63. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    You will roux, dearest Sjaan, what you’ve versed.
    We shall meat out abuse—you are cursed.
    You’ve committed fowl deeds
    That no other exceeds.
    They’re so offal they must be the wurst.

  64. Terry Marter says:

    Wheels; levers; cogs; rods and wire,
    Were materials used to inspire
    His new-age direction
    Of low-tech perfection,
    But most just collapsed or caught fire.

  65. Terry Marter says:

    My next trip (I’ve dropped by here to mention)
    Is to “Limerick Inventions” convention.
    From there we will tramp
    To a lim’rick boot camp
    To learn Puns (I’m told). That’s the in-tent-tion.

  66. Sharon Neeman says:

    My invention, I’m told, is quite keen:
    It bumps pols who are thuggish and mean,
    But it knows how to spare
    Those with hearts, who do care —
    It’s a “Vote Democratic!” machine.

  67. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    She said, “Edison, turn on a light.”
    She asked Orville, “You fancy a flight?”
    It’s that very same Muse,
    Some inventors abuse,
    Who told Franklin to “Go fly a kite.”

    Note to Konrad: If this Muse rules over puns, we’re in trouble. :)

  68. Sharon Neeman says:

    A (young) woman who lived in a shoe
    Knew perfectly well what to do:
    To fulfill her kids’ needs,
    She’d resort to misdeeds —
    Petty theft; yes, and shoplifting, too.

    To ensure that she wouldn’t get caught,
    She dissembled far more than she ought;
    But she grew so distressed
    That, at last, she confessed
    To the Chief of Police — who’d have thought?

    The old Chief looked her over and said,
    “You’re both lovely and clever. Let’s wed!
    I’ll forgive your… invention.”
    She voiced no dissension…
    Now she gets his pension. (He’s dead.)

  69. Jean McEwen says:

    I have found that committing misdeeds,
    When done artfully, often succeeds.
    Those who mindlessly swallow
    Rules other folks follow
    Just forfeit, alas, their own needs.

  70. Jean McEwen says:

    As a luddite; I find innovation,
    Frankly irksome – the source of frustration.
    Do we really need Siri?
    I don’t get the flurry
    Of buzz around most tech creation.

  71. Lisi Nortman says:

    My nightgown rode up; I don’t know
    Why it wouldn’t stay down far below!
    Now I have peace of mind.
    I’ve invented a kind
    With ten loops, and each one fits a toe.

  72. Lisi Nortman says:

    I’ve created a far-out invention.
    It’s known as “The 10 Inch Extension”
    I could tell you much more,
    But I vowed and I swore.
    It’s a subject we nuns never mention.

  73. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Hamlet”

    The turkeys and chickens will growl.
    They know that real soon they will howl.
    Due to grievous misdeeds
    Which answer our needs.
    In other words, murder most fowl.

  74. Lisi Nortman says:

    The inventor of Autocorrect
    Has died, he deserved our respect.
    Cuz he taught us to spell,
    And he did it so well.
    The funal’s at aight; I have chekked.

  75. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    The inventing, or coining, of words
    Isn’t just for linguistical nerds.
    With my license (poetic)
    My production’s frenetic,
    And the rhyming’s so easy—kahjurdz!

    What?

    Note to Sjaan: Seems she’s probably in charge of neologisms too. :–)

  76. Tony Holmes says:

    When a fellow has genuine needs,
    We’re inclined to forgive his misdeeds:
    But they cease to be fine
    When he crosses the line
    And necessities morph into greeds.

  77. Tony Holmes says:

    Some inventions are boons to mankind.
    The inflatable doll comes to mind.
    Worldwide, women are spared
    From those men, who impaired,
    Need a partner compliant and blind.

    If anyone reading this enjoys a fulfilling relationship with an inflatable woman – or man – and feels offended by what I’ve written, please don’t be. It’s not about you, it’s about those other guys – you know th ones I mean.

  78. Tony Holmes says:

    The invention of woman, mayhap,
    Was the flaw in the plan. Had the chap
    Been content on his own,
    Or invented the clone,
    Things might never have gone all to crap.

    I’ve just read, “A Year Of Living Dangerously’ and thought I’d give it a try.

  79. Tony Holmes says:

    “My default is to do derring deeds.
    Acts of kindness to those who have needs.
    Only fly in the oint’,
    It puts snouts out of joint,
    For the rich are the source of proceeds.

    A Robin Hood limerick.

  80. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Judge performs critical deeds.
    According to ethical creeds.
    He’s the one who sets bail.
    He can send you to jail.
    And he asks lots of, “How do you pleads”

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    Correction of Limerick. Yesterday at 6:18 PM

    The inventor of Autocorrect
    Has died; he deserved our respect.
    Cuz he taught us to spell.
    And he did it so well.
    The funnel’s at ate, I have checkked.

  82. Tony Holmes says:

    “We should we measure the man by his deeds.
    What he’s saying, too often misleads.
    He will say black is white,
    Or that wrong must be right,
    Or, for downtrodden souls his heart bleeds.”

    “For his power of invention succeeds
    In convincing the masses he leads,
    That, contrary to form,
    He can manage the storm,
    And they’ll simply ignore his misdeeds.”

  83. Tim James says:

    A real estate fraudster named Leeds
    Said, “The greed of my marks suits my needs.
    I sold five diff’rent ducks
    Tampa swampland, the schmucks!”
    Here endeth this tale of fowl deeds.

  84. Lisi Nortman says:

    Last Will & Testament

    “I hereby do proudly bequeath
    My soft food to dear cousin Keith.
    Who invented extractions
    To folk’s satisfactions.
    It’s a pity that Keith had no teeth”.

  85. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    With a Brownie Badge one of her needs,
    She wrote, “Took out the garbage. Pulled weeds.”
    But her list was impounded,
    And soon she was grounded,
    For writing up fraudulent deeds.

  86. Rudy Landesman says:

    I wish that someday they’ll invent
    A beautiful clone I can rent.
    My wife, then of course,
    I’d quickly divorce
    And that would be money well spent.

  87. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A shoebox containing old deeds
    Is the house where a mouse couple breeds.
    But one day she says: “Stop!
    That’s the last one I’ll drop—
    No more sex ’cause a woman has needs.”

  88. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Dear Rudy, as Tony explained,
    There’s no reason for feeling so pained.
    There are dolls for the deeds
    You equate with your needs;
    Thus no woman or lust is restrained.

    Here’s hoping that zeugmas aren’t on your no-fly list too.

  89. Tony Holmes says:

    “On the whole, I am really quite nice.
    And am almost a stranger to vice.
    Not for me the misdeeds
    That true naughtiness breeds.
    Just a bit, now and then, to add spice.”

  90. Tony Holmes says:

    We should measure the man by his deeds.
    What he’s saying, too often misleads.
    He will say black is white,
    Or that wrong must be right,
    Or, for downtrodden souls his heart bleeds.

    For his power of invention succeeds
    In convincing the masses he leads,
    That, contrary to form,
    He can manage the storm,
    And they’ll simply ignore his misdeeds.

    Sorry, I had to remove an unnecessary ‘we’.

  91. Tony Holmes says:

    Very often, the man who succeeds
    Has a past that is strewn with misdeeds.
    And when these come to light.
    Revelation will blight,
    And success, once so sure, now recedes.

  92. Tony Holmes says:

    Our awe at mankind’s ingenuity,
    And breadth of our mental acuity,
    Is a view that misleads.
    It discounts our misdeeds,
    And their threat to assured continuity.

  93. Tony Holmes says:

    What began as a boon now dictates.
    A notion begat, well, it procreates.
    It begets the next gen’
    Which, soon old, ‘gets again.
    Why? Inventor gets bored, so he innovates.

  94. Tony Holmes says:

    What began as a boon now dictates.
    And a notion begat, procreates.
    It begets the next gen’
    Which, soon old, ‘gets again.
    Why? Inventor gets bored, so he innovates.

    Second line. Still not quite right but the best I can do.

  95. Tony Holmes says:

    What began as a boon now dictates.
    And a notion begat, procreates.
    It begets the next gen’
    Which, soon old, ‘gets again.
    The inventor, now bored, innovates.

    Perhaps, Mad, if you’d be so knid, my previous misdeeds could be deleted, please?

  96. Tony Holmes says:

    A Sumerian smartarse named Pheel,
    Claimed that he had invented the wheel:
    But the bureaucrats sneered,
    “Thou hast not pioneered!”
    (Elon Musk must have brokered a deal.)

  97. Tony Holmes says:

    “I have written a lot on misdeeds;
    Somewhat less on emotional needs.
    ‘You should write what you know,’
    Says the dictum, and so
    I have followed where verity leads.”

  98. Rudy Landesman says:

    In my circle it now is endemic.
    To argue the point’s academic.
    And I, too, am absurd.
    I’ve invented a word.
    I’m in thrall to the latest pundemic.

  99. Rudy Landesman says:

    I did play when I still was a tyke
    With a zeugma that I didn’t like.
    It did not meet my needs.
    It flew at low speeds.
    So Konrad. please go take a hike.

  100. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A bisexual Rapper became
    Reinvented by changing his name.
    He decided on “Li’l,”
    Because that means he still
    Can go both ways while staying the same.

    (speaking of figures of speech….)

  101. Lisi Nortman says:

    I wonder why Edward G. Stein
    Invented “The Boring Punch Line”
    Uncreative was he
    And soon you will see
    The line that won’t tickle your spine.

  102. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Now” in line 4 is better than “soon” very minor change:

    I wonder why Edward G. Stein
    Invented “The Boring Punch Line”
    Uncreative was he.
    And now you will see
    The line that won’t tickle your spine.

  103. Randy Wagner says:

    Will’s conjugal tryst, I’m afraid,
    Has been sadly and crudely misplayed.
    As the darkness recedes
    He discovers misdeeds
    Were performed on his maid he’d mislaid.

  104. Brian Allgar says:

    “We’re imposing a no shilly-shally ban”,
    Says America’s own home-grown Taliban.
    On this vilest of deeds,
    The signature reads
    “S. Alito”, as monstrous as Caliban.

  105. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    A follow-up to Brian’s “Miss Deeds” limerick (May 1, 2022 at 3:46 am):

    She was caught helping hicks with their needs.
    “But I never took money!” she pleads.
    Did those hypocrites care
    What is fitting and fair?
    Nope, those prigs have committed Miss Deeds.

  106. Rudy Landesman says:

    …and a final note to Konrad. (5/3 1:45 am)

    My rhymes may at times slightly teeter.
    With historical facts I’m a cheater.
    I invent. I distort.
    I do it for sport.
    But there ain’t nothin’ wrong with my meter.

    *************
    Note from Mad Kane:

    Rudy, while it’s true that you rarely make meter errors, you DID in fact have one in the limerick Konrad was referring to in his 5/3 limerick:

    Babylonians is pronounced: ba · buh · LOW · nee · uhns

    and your first line was “ba by LO ni ans in VEN ted the WHEEL.”

    So after the stressed syllable LO, you had an extra unstressed syllable.

    But had you written it to force this pronunciation:

    ba by LON yans

    it would have worked fine.

    (It’s never safe to assume people will instinctively read something the way you WANT them to and compress the word into one with fewer syllables. That’s why when, for instance, I want to compress limerick, I write it as lim’rick.)

  107. Tim James says:

    It was one of his many misdeeds:
    Planting pot after mixing the seeds.
    He tried to keep track
    Of the strains, but alack!
    He ended up lost in the weeds.

  108. Daisy ward says:

    Knowing his fair share of misdeeds
    A message was sent, saying take heed
    He ignored the threat
    That he lived to regret
    He’s now floating on the Florida Keys

  109. Daisy ward says:

    Her nail invention was patent quick
    She also had another trick
    To paint toes with a bubble
    Scrape feet with a scrubble
    By using the smallest straw stick

  110. Dane Paulsen says:

    I removed snail shells with a squish.
    Racing snails (faster my wish).
    I performed these deeds,
    To increase their speeds.
    But it just made them more sluggish.

  111. Randy Wagner says:

    Allow me to resubmit my somewhat tweaked misdeeds lim:

    The conjugal date that Will made
    For last night has been badly misplayed.
    As the darkness recedes
    He discovers misdeeds
    Were performed on his maid he’d mislaid.

  112. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Want to write, but your talent is bowling,
    Or perhaps, you’ve no skills worth extolling.
    Well, with PlagiarezePro™
    Any hack, drudge, or schmo
    Could become the next Tolstoy or Rowling.

  113. Dane Paulsen says:

    If, the Bermuda triangle.
    Had one more corner and angle.
    Reinvented you’d see
    That it, would now be
    Called the Bermuda wreck-tangle.

  114. Dane Paulsen says:

    We all want a life full of cheer.
    If life gives you melons, it’s clear.
    Some of your misdeeds,
    A result of your misreads.
    You may be dyslexic, I fear.

  115. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Golden Years

    As a “senior” I’m doing okay!
    Who cares if my hair is all gray?
    I do very good deeds.
    Take care of my needs.
    And break a new bone ev’ry day.

  116. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hi Mad,
    I appreciate your taking the time to explain my meter error in my “Babylonian” limerick.
    Your suggestion that I could have used an alternate spelling for Babylonians (cf. Babylonyans) would be correct for the meter, but incorrect spelling of the word.
    I do have to say that I have never heard anyone pronounce the word with all five syllables. I never have. The last two syllables in normal speech are usually compressed (perhaps, not by everyone) into one — “yans”.
    Have you ever heard anyone say “I-ta-lee-ans”? I haven’t.
    I, too, have compressed the word limerick. But here an apostrophe replaces one of the letters — the “e”.

    ************
    From Mad Kane:

    Your pronunciation of Babylonian is INcorrect. And the pronunciation of “Italians” is irrelevant. But I’m not wasting any more of my time on this.

    PS: I’ll just add that even if there are two common pronunciations of a word, it’s best to force the pronunciation that works right meter-wise. Otherwise you risk having people misread your limerick.

  117. Doug Harris says:

    We should hail Jesus’ early invention
    Giving access to our fourth dimension.
    Is there anything greater
    Than death’s escalator?
    Takes the work out of reaching ascension!

  118. Doug Harris says:

    My children have henceforth decreed
    Their aim is achieving good deeds.
    But till I come a cropper, see,
    They won’t get my property …
    And the kids they don’t know have a need!

  119. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A loose lady who lived in the wood,
    Took her talents to town when she could.
    When asked where the trail leads,
    With respect to her deeds,
    She said, “So far, I’m up to no good.”

  120. Dane Paulsen says:

    An engineer with good intensions.
    I have patents for many inventions.
    The company said thanks.
    Put profits in banks.
    And now I live off my pensions.

  121. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    What follows should set the history straight.

    It’s a yuge—I mean YUGE—frickin’ deal!
    One more somethin’ the Dums wanna steal.
    But from Arp to Duluth
    There’s no hidin’ the truth:
    It was Trump that invented the wheel.

  122. Terry Marter says:

    His invention for shaving at pace,
    “…Saves you time in life’s crazy rat race…”
    Then he Demo’d ‘Zip-Strip’
    Took some skin off his lip.
    His failure, too late to save face.

  123. Rudy Landesman says:

    To plagiarize hardly is fair.
    It requires a larcenous flair.
    But with sources so ample
    I’ll now and then “sample”
    From authors, long dead, who won’t care.

  124. Rudy Landesman says:

    O.K. the above won’t qualify, unless a “larcenous flair” is inventive. I don’t think so, but it was worth a try.

  125. Tony Holmes says:

    “Great creators, so many have said,
    Take whatever they need from the dead,
    Without shame or remorse.
    “Did you steal it?’ ‘Of course!
    And the practice, my friend, is wide-spread.’”

    See “When ‘Omer Smote ‘Is Bloomin’ Lyre”. (Kipling)
    Also, Google: “Good artists copy; great artists steal.”

  126. Terry Marter says:

    Farmer Edward’s sex exploits were rife
    All those women were causing him strife
    One who knew his misdeeds
    Helped him sew some new seeds.
    Since she’s been Edified, – she’s his wife.

  127. Dane Paulsen says:

    An attempt to improve meter in 5/10 2:54pm entry.

    An engineer with good intensions.
    I have patents for many inventions.
    The comp’ny said thanks.
    Put profits in banks.
    And now I can live off my pensions.

  128. Dane Paulsen says:

    Scotch, an invention worth ten.
    One can start feeling younger an then,
    You forget all your troubles,
    And after two doubles,
    You begin to feel single again.

  129. Lisi Nortman says:

    The greatest invention’s a chip.
    I pack some for ev-er-y trip.
    The wheel was okay.
    In many a way.
    Yet it doesn’t pair well with a dip.

  130. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    Philosophy 1∅1

    I look through the lens of my time
    And see much we might now call a crime.
    Were they really misdeeds
    Or just differing creeds?
    I don’t know but I got it to rhyme.

  131. Rudy Landesman says:

    A vintner in King Charlie’s reign*
    Was told that his wine was too plain.
    He then solved all his troubles,
    When he added some bubbles.
    Voilà! He invented champaign.**

    The night he invented champaign
    He got on an Underground train
    And went to that show
    By Lerner and Loewe.***
    I’ll bet that you think I’m insane.

    *Charles II (1660-1685)
    ** Champaign was NOT invented by that French monk, Dom Pérignon.
    *** Gigi

  132. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    It was me who invented sham pain.
    As an addict, I’d always complain
    To the docs in the hope
    They’d prescribe me some dope.
    I’m just kidding, my drug was cocaine.

  133. Rudy Landesman says:

    O.K. Another error. Champagne is the beverage. Champaign is the location of the University of Illinois. I must have been reminiscing about my college days.

    A vintner in King Charlie’s reign*
    Was told that his wine was too plain.
    He then solved all his troubles,
    When he added some bubbles.
    Voilà! He invented champagne.**

    The night he invented champagne
    He got on an Underground train
    And went to that show
    By Lerner and Loewe.***
    I’ll bet that you think I’m insane.

    *Charles II (1660-1685)
    ** Champagne was NOT invented by that French monk, Dom Pérignon.
    *** Gigi

  134. Tony Holmes says:

    Modern life moves at frightening speeds.
    Some would cry, ‘Stop the progress!’ Who heeds?
    ‘Faster! Faster! Don’t slow!’
    Is this good? Time will show
    When posterity dissects our deeds

    i’m applying the theme of invention in the widest possible sense. I’m also scraping the bottom of the invention barrel.

  135. Linda Fuller says:

    The widow reclined in her weeds
    While savoring former misdeeds
    Her husband she’d killed
    His kidneys she’d grilled
    And served up with sesame seeds

  136. Tim James says:

    The invention of Alex Graham Bell
    Has devolved so that some users dwell
    In its internet pit
    Of lies, rancor, and shit.
    It’s called the Ninth Circle of Cell.

  137. Tony Holmes says:

    “Leonardo, these gadgets of yours,
    Do you think they will work out of doors?”
    “Hard to say, at this stage.
    In a different age,
    They may be all the rage for their wars.”

  138. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    The wheel is a wondrous invention,
    But the barrel’s my choice for ascension.
    There’s its round, bulbous shape,
    And a bottom to scrape,
    Plus it’s fun due to monkey retention.

    You’re right, Tony, there’s nothing but dregs left.

  139. Jackie Chou says:

    A girl of questionable deeds
    She ignores what the sign reads
    Do not feed the birds
    They’ll leave lots of turds
    Defecating everything she feeds

  140. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  141. Lisi Nortman says:

    A Great Invention by Philo Farnsworth: Television

    Okay, he was not a beginner,
    Yet Philo was one superb winner.
    If it weren’t for he,
    All us viewers would be
    Still munching a radio dinner.

  142. Rudy Landesman says:

    Ach Konrad, du wirst’s doch versteh’n.
    Leider koennen wir nicht kegeln geh’n.
    Ich muss dich beraten.
    Meine sportlichen Taten?
    Mein kegeln? Ein grosses verseh’n.

    (Mad please note: Deeds=Taten in German.)

  143. Lisi Nortman says:

    For Rudy

    The day that I hit on Champaign
    Revived my inoperative brain.
    I learned how to drink,
    But not how to think.
    Cause studying sure was a strain.

    Go Illini !!

  144. Tony Holmes says:

    “Every virtue owes life to misdeeds.
    They’re the mire in which saints sowed their seeds.
    Learning curves, long and steep,
    Make each sinner dig deep
    When they glimpse where their naughtiness leads.”

    I make no apology – apart from the limerick – since it’s 05:30, I’ve yet to have my first cup of tea – and I’m desperate.

  145. Tony Holmes says:

    Brware the deeds, barrel, Konrad. It, too, is empty. I nearly fell in writing the above.

  146. Tony Holmes says:

    “Ah, but here’s where invention must start.
    (We must station the horse before cart.)
    All beginnings, we’ll find,
    Have their birth in the mind.
    And once born, they must also have heart.”

    I can’t help myself.

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    “Have you heard of that chap, Logie Baird?”
    “I was there when his TV first aired.
    Jan’ry one nine two six,
    Moving black and white pics.”
    “And was dinner then served?” “No one cared.”

    The Link is for anyone who wishes to investigate. Sorry, Lisi.

    ttps://electricscotland.com/history/other/john_logie_baird.htm

  148. Tony Holmes says:

    “I am come from six hours with Miss Deeds.
    I’m relaxed and the tension recedes.”
    “So, she’s good?” “She’s sublime.”
    “What goes on – all that time?”
    “I hang bottom side up, and she reads.”

  149. Tony Holmes says:

    “Grand Pa, how did you cope in those days?”
    “Before smartphones? We had other ways.
    We had tin cans and string.”
    “Could you hear anything?”
    “I heard things caused my eyebrows to raise.”

  150. CAROL CHERMAN says:

    Guilty I’m not, a man pleads
    I haven’t done these misdeeds
    I know I got caught
    In a heist, but I’m not
    The one who stole your fine beads

  151. Mark Totterdell says:

    He’s the shittiest shit in creation,
    Quite the worst of a bad generation,
    With a nature that leads
    To appalling misdeeds,
    So he ended up leading the nation.

  152. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A tennis pro known for misdeeds,
    With an ego that fame often breeds,
    Disrespected his sport —
    Sowed wild oats on the court!
    He’s the worst of some really bad seeds.

  153. Tony Holmes says:

    “On the list of my father’s misdeeds,
    Number one: (Even he now concedes.)
    He would tell me each day –
    So that I’d go away –
    ‘Go invent something everyone needs!’”

    “Number two on this list of his deeds,
    And you may think that this one exceeds,
    Was to claim cash and glory –
    You’ve all heard the story –
    When his little boy genius succeeds.”

    No, it isn’t.

  154. Linda Fuller says:

    Poindexter plotted and schemed
    To make real all the women he dreamed
    His purported intention
    A “mother” invention
    Was patently false so it seemed

  155. Terry Marter says:

    My last chance, ‘fore I switch off the light,
    To invent a good Lim’ plot tonight…
    ….Overthinking too long, –
    (Though it mustn’t be wrong),
    I must make sure the last line’s not trite.

  156. Tony Holmes says:

    “On the list of my father’s misdeeds,
    Number one: (Even he now concedes.)
    He would tell me each day –
    So that I’d go away –
    ‘Go invent something everyone needs!’”

    “Number two on this list of his deeds,
    And you may think that this one exceeds,
    Was to claim cash and glory –
    You’ve all heard the story –
    When his little boy genius succeeds.”

    “In the prison where father now dwells,
    He is feted as one of their belles.
    Karma caught up with him.
    Now his cellmate, Big Jim,
    Always nods when I say my farewells.”

    Yes, I know it’s dark; but so is the bottom of the barrel.

  157. Rudy Landesman says:

    Hey Sjaan,
    You’re making a believer of me. Your “bad seeds” pun is truly brilliant. And “’twill a-maize you” wasn’t chopped liver either.*
    Rudy
    *You’re even making me reach for a Yiddish expression.

  158. Konrad Schwoerke says:

    I’ve invented a new sort of verse,
    But plebeians protest,
    And are causing unrest.
    Seems my genius is naught but a curse,
    ’Cause they’re wanting my head and much worse!

  159. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 495. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Wire. (NOTE: It includes an extra, experimental limerick challenge involving a Random Word Generator.)