Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DRONES at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: March 5, 2022)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using DRONES at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to REJECTION, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best REJECTION-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 6, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 5, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my DRONES-rhyme limerick:
The anatomy prof provokes groans;
He tells anecdotes (endless) and drones.
Students stare at the clock,
Read their email, and mock
Him for tales that are never bare bones.
And here’s my REJECTION-themed limerick:
A man had a bee in his bonnet
About writing a humorous sonnet.
No one cared for his style,
So he built a flop-pile
Of rejections and plopped down upon it.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Anatomy Humor, Anatomy Limerick, Bad Teachers, Bores, College Humor, Competition Limerick, Drone Humor, Drones, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Professors, Rejection, Rejection Humor, Rejection Limerick, Sonnet Humor, Teachers, Writing & Publishing Humor, Writing Prompts
Of rejection I know it quite well…
But pure bias has such a bad smell
When it’s blatent, impure
Then it stinks, like manure
This one reeks, fellow LIMsters can tell…
Disjointed? Yes…
Judges sit, just like queens, on their thrones
Judgments made with joysticks and headphones
Rend’rings rendered so far
Haven’t yet passed the bar
Verdicts deftly dropped off using drones
Clay Wild a/k/a Wildman has just seen fit to litter this new contest with “bias” accusations. Here’s my response:
When failing to win drives you mad,
You claim “bias.” How sad my dear lad!
Placing blame on the judge
And nursing a grudge
Makes you look like an ego-crazed cad.
Some writers assume they are great.
They’ll swear that their lims are first-rate.
When they don’t win acclaim,
They lash out and place blame
On the judge for their loserly fate.
********
PS: Hey Clay, does this mean you want me to rescind the HM you got as “Wildman” in the previous contest? Inquiring minds want to know.
“Oh, hell!” the limericist groans.
“Why on earth has Mad given us ‘drones’
As the rhyme-word today?
There’s no chance of word-play,
And there simply are NO homophones.”
Said the man, “I’m so wild! I must say,
I’m a victim of bias each day!
What I write is pure gold!”.
But the truth must be told:
It would seem that he has feet of Clay.
DRONES
Prince Andrew will not sit on thrones
Because he’s been seen with some crones
Epstein was the worst
When he dealt with his thirst
And made Andrew just one of his drones
REJECTION
So Andrew has suffered rejection
Because of his lurid connection.
The family were sad
But also so mad
That they looked for severe disconnection.
When I fail to win, though it’s sad,
I never think anything bad,
Or exclaim ”That’s unfair!”
No bias is there,
Just a failure of judgement by Mad.
[Just joking, Mad … well, somewhat :) ]
It’s the fears and the doubts that beset
When your suit is rejected. And yet,
If it weren’t for the scream
That just has shattered your dream,
Truth be told, would you be that upset?
IThat’s annoying. The ‘just’ had been slashed through but it didn’t copy over. That will teach to be a smartarse, won’t it?
“Tell me, what is your name, little boy?”
“Nigel.” “What is the name of your toy?”
“Catapult. With these stones
I can shoot down your drones.
My new game is called, ‘Seek and Destroy’.”
One From April last year.
“It took forty-eight years and one day,
But I finally got one to play.
All those lessons I learned,
From each time I was spurned …
Only question is now, will she stray?”
“If the pundits discount your true worth,
And of praise and rosettes there’s a dearth:
If the judgement call shames,
And you’re shot down in flames,
Be a phoenix and rise in rebirth.”
“To take part is entirely the point,
And if losing puts nose out of joint,
Then one has to take stock.
One does not run amok
When the contest results disappoint.”
t’s so hard to accept a rejection
When all that you write’s pure perfection.
There’s no prize (so don’t sulk)
For deliv’ring in bulk, –
No need to incite insurrection.
Not exactly beseeching redemptions
For earlier perceived contemptions
The response to one’s guilt
Of Lims lacking the lilt
Achieved one’s intentions, – MORE Mentions!
There was a call for love poetry
I thought it was up my alley
Feeling quite dejected
When all my poems got rejected
All ten I wrote on a spree
“It’s technical world, what with ‘phones,
And computers, smart tablets and drones.
Is life better with these?
On the left here, ‘Agrees’,
And the rest of you – Great! – you’re the ‘Moans’.”
Back to the races.
A sinister fraud had been hatched.
The plot’s now revealed and dispatched.
We now will erase
The results of the race.
Yes, Wildman, the stallion’s been scratched.
The world’s changing all that are knowns,
Was land lines and muscle cars one owns.
I once had a trike,
But now an E-bike
And it’s cellphones, the metaverse and drones.
“’Keep your pecker up, lad. You will see
There are plenty more fish in the sea.’
But rejection is felt
Most of all, below belt,
And the circle is vicious. Ah, me!”
Dual purpose limerick?
The rejection, you think, made in haste
Was based on a lack of good taste?
You complain and you drone
On your e-mail and phone,
But your time spent that way is a waste.
Parents’ actions elicit some groans
From their children because the kids’ phones
Do not let parents see
What kids do, where they be.
So some parents are now using drones.
I was rejected by a peer.
Unwarranted? Maybe not, I fear.
I’ll regain my standing,
With lims more demanding,
And puns that no one will smear.
Mime’s apology was rejected
By his wife. And as he expected,
Like she often would do
As a punishment; to
Silent treatment he was subjected.
Rejection and Drones “Revenge of the Queen Bee”
So horny, and clueless he moans.
Doesn’t know ’bout his oncoming groans.
A short-lived erection.
Then total rejection:
Rest In Peace with the other slain drones.
The Agony Of Rejection
From my heart, I will have to erase
A love I can never replace.
Though I’ll be real upset,
I shall never regret
That rock that I hurled in his face.
That sounds wrong! One more try:
From my heart, I will have to erase
A love I can never replace.
Though I’ll be real upset,
I shall never regret
My hurling a rock in his face.
HUMBLE PIE, it pairs well with rejection
‘Judge no judge’, lesson learned, in reflection
As there’s no wrong or right
Ladies first, take a bite
Humans ALL, we’ve achieved imperfection…
After a boring job, sanctioning loans
And the monotonous voice on the radio drones
I drifted-off and side-swiped another vehicle
I guess my LKA was on a Sabbatical
Now my insurance agent, on my behalf, attones
To All, Regarding The Latest Brouhaha:
It’s beginning to feel a bit fateful;
The sporadic attacks on me, hateful:
Someone tries to provoke
A revolt here. No joke!
My supporters are great, though. I’m grateful!
A spare rib protruding, that was a reject
God decided that this was ideal for HIS project
HE broke it off, and created Eve
But to the best of my knowledge, I believe
That Adam might have preffered a STEVE
How do I correct spelling error “preffered” should read as
Preferred
Thank you
*******
From Mad Kane: Just re-post your corrected limerick, and label it Corrected Version or Revised Version.
Sticks and Stones may break my bones
But I haven’t thought about drones
I guess they swerve and veer and rise and dip
Hey, there’s one aiming straight for my hip
The swarming bright night-show of drones
Was wiped out by a storm amid groans.
Parents yelled ‘Fuck you God’
On their wet homeward plod
While their kids looked up ‘Fuck’ on their phones.
She never complains nor bemoans
Bout his gas through intestinal bones.
Although it smells foul,
You won’t hear her growl.
She nods off from melodious drones.
Revlsed version
“Sticks. and Stones may break my bones
But I. haven’t considered those crazy Drones
They swerve and veer, rise and dip
Hey! there’s one aiming straight for my hip
It hit it’s mark, you can tell by my groans.
Revised version
A spare rib protruded, that was a “reject”
GOD decided that this was ideal for HIS project
HE broke it off, and created Eve
But to the best of my knowledge, I believe
That Adam might have preferred a STEVE
Rejection
When it’s time to let sweetie cakes down,
You never will see this girl frown.
Cuz you’ll send her a text.
Here’s what to do next:
Bolt like lightening, and get outta town.
So the King bought an army of drones
To chuck all other kings off their thrones
But the ruse didn’t work
‘Cos the Kin g was a jerk
And he found he’d been fobbed off with clones.
……………..
Rejection is so hard to take
When there is a lot that’s at stake
Being broccoli sucks
All you get’s flying fuckss;
Since most people would rather have cake.
Mad: This replaces Feb 20. at 6.32pm. Thanks.
The night-show of bright swarming drones
Was wiped out by a storm, amid groans.
Parents cursed ‘Fuck you God’
On their wet homeward plod
While their kids looked up ‘Fuck’ on their phones.
I heard about “Psychic Coquette”
I wanted to date her, but yet
It was quite unexpected
That I’d be rejected
Since she and I hadn’t yet met.
A final word – from me, at least. And isn’t brouhaha a lovely word?
“To take part is entirely the point,
And if losing puts nose out of joint,
Then one has to take stock.
One does not run amok
When the contest results disappoint.”
“Having said that – no, no! Leave it there!
To harp on may encourage. Forswear!
Though rejection may sting,
Bucking up is the thing.
And believe it or not, your words glare.”
This is simply a ‘Let’s have fun with rejection.’ limerick – honest!
“When rejection confronts, then the wise
Take a step or two back and revise.
Only then do they heap
All their scorn on the creep
Whose opinions they – rightly – despise.”
The convoy’s all bitches and moans.
Pushed away, they cry broken bones.
Trudeau sleeps, dreams away
of contacting U.S.A.
just to sing “Send in the drones.”
Dear dating app.,
Re the Match.com form I perfected,
With its ‘Zero’ result unaffected:
I neglected to say
I won Lotto today.
Please inform all by whom I’m rejected.
There’s a therapist whose voice just drones
Bored, all the patients play with their phones
Even a bot
An inanimate whatnot
Speaks with more variety of tones
He moans and then quietly drones,
Having trouble with dumping the stones.
What’s taking so long?
My bladder’s not strong.
(Should ‘a gone for that place with 2 thrones.)
Neil Sedaka at “Senior Hill”
Of course breaking up’s hard to do.
The rejection’s make seniors real blue.
But those courtships are brief.
In a way, it’s relief.
Cuz waking up’s hard to do too.
Rejected by Harvard? But why?
I’m such an intelligent guy!
I’ve read poems and prose.
Like “The Sun Also Rose”
And my fav’rite was “Pitcher On Rye”
(with mustard)
2-day is 22-2-22.
Some people love numbers and such;
‘Special’ combo’s (to me) are all Dutch.
For too many today,
“Two”’s all they can say.
I reject them; they’re all “Two” too-much.
Saw damaging horseplay, I groan.
From propellers of dastardly drone.
Kids ask, “Where’s our toy?”
Can’t dampen my joy.
“The circular-file, then unknown.”
When it comes to the names Smith and Jones,
There are millions in all the time zones;
It could be romance,
Or maybe the chance
That a lot of those people are clones.
Loud sounded the shouts and the moans:
“We’re being bombarded by drones!”
On this one occasion,
No alien invasion–
Just a bunch of drunk Scots throwing scones
I thought we were great, when in bed.
I loved her and wanted to wed.
Now I can’t understand,
When I asked for her hand,
She gave me the finger instead.
Oops. Please delete previous (2.43am) Wrong version. Should be this:
I love rhyming the odd line or two;
Sharing lim’ricks with those who do too.
Not rejecting this game
But what’s now in the frame
Uses six lines, but one Wordle do.
When big Jack said “Let’s Wed” I said “Yup”
We agreed to forego the pre-nup’.
I should’ve knocked back
Those advances from Jack
But I didn’t, and now I’m knocked up.
I’ve heard buzz that some honey bee drones,
Can have trysts (even though they lack bones).
Should a queen bee fly by,
They will take to the sky,
In pursuit of erogenous zones.
My Incorrect and Invented Pronunciation. (Please Excuse)
If Queen was equipped with some bones,
She’d be stronger and flatline more drones.
Although she’s a lassie,
She’s feisty and sassy.
And even has “girlie cojones”
Selling my home, it is known.
Take pictures above with a drone.
But pics won’t be cool,
Me nude by the pool.
A sale would surely be blown.
I once found a medal – ‘twas bronze,
And I thought to myself; “This is John’s.”
‘cos Doctor John One,
Said his medal was gone;
And the cops said it was Dr. One’s.
[Is there a prize for the best alternative spelling of drones?]
Said his doc to a fellow called Hewish,
“Your heart’s effed – and that’s why you’re bluish.
But this pig heart is new;
I can give it to you.”
“I’ll reject it,” said Hewish. “I’m Jewish.”
The dying old man they called Darryl.
Craved a chocolate chip cookie farewell.
But then in a twist,
His wife slapped his wrist.
“Those cookies are for the funeral”.
I don’t hate the in-laws was his line.
Your mother-in-law I like fine.
In fact, I’m sure
That I like her,
So much better than I like mine.
The “Dubious Crust Patisserie”
The “Dubious Crust” ad that I
Read today is a fraudulent lie.
It reads, “Pick up your phones!
Get your baked goods by drones!”
Now that is one pie in the sky.
The queen was buzzed by the drone.
His desires he had well shown.
She flew to her honey,
And when they were done, he
Returned to the hive, not alone.
Revised 5:13 Lim
I don’t hate the in-laws, his line.
Your mother-in-law I like fine.
In fact, I’m sure
That I like her,
So much better, than I like mine.
A Dream I Had
Soon after he lost the election,
The Donald was filled with infection
At the core of his heart.
But then soon fell apart,
When facing a transplant rejection.
Which is worse — a new suitor who drones
On and on about stuff that he owns,
Or an old one who drums
With his thumbs while he hums
Strange renditions of hits by The Stones?
What a beautiful voice, but egad!
She’s so dull that it makes me feel sad.
When she endlessly drones
In those sweet dulcet tones
It’s like “Dancing Queen” played on a Strad.
“Denial,” a tool, when perfected,
Keeps any fool cool when rejected,
Which then makes it more fun
To find out you’re the one
Who’s been chosen to be unselected.
Such Bunk!
Charles Darwin, with true feet of clay,
Should not have set out to convey
(False) Natural Selection
I state my rejection:
He never checked out DNA.
(He was adopted) :)
Don’t be concerned by rejection.
A projection to self-reflection.
It signals a move,
A need to improve.
Corrections that tamp self-affection.
Said Christ, “On the Cross I was aching
On account of some point You were making.
You said You’d protect me.
Why did You reject me?”
God said, “It was more like forsaking.”
No one laughed at my yarns at my school,
and rejected my puns, as a rule.
So to cover my hurt
I embroidered a shirt
With big letters that read, “This Is Crewel!”
“Non- Rejection”
They love me intensely, Hot Damn!
I’m known as their “sweet little lamb.”
I’ve never been spurned.
Not once have I yearned
The calls do not stop from A. Scam.
Slight Correction Of “The Dubious Crust Patisserie” (better)
The “Dubious Crust” ad that I
Read today is a fraudulent lie.
It reads, “Go get your phones
Order baked goods from drones”
Now that is one pie in the sky.
The bartender’s whiskey and rye.
Had a customer happy to buy.
“My motto,” he droned,
From Sir Paul,” he intoned.
“McCartney said, liver let die.”
Those queen bees, from the perch of their thrones,
Elicit distinct moans and groans
From the workers (their serfs,
Who’re all tending their turfs)–
And the loudest? The lecherous drones!
The rotund kids, in gym class, are last
To get picked for the team; there’s a caste
System high school employs
In which svelte girls and boys
Treat like shit those they deem too fat-assed.
The tequila’s the best one aroun’.
And flautas are crispy and brown.
Tortillas hand thrown.
I’m sorry to drone.
This blogger says taco the town.
With her favourite thrones, – judging ‘Drones’
Sits the Queen, far from those who throw stones
Any drone-on effect
Clearly means a reject.
Once her winner is known, – ‘stows the thrones.
I wanted to get uncontrolled.
But the “phone sex” seemed distant and cold.
I felt no affection,
But lots of rejection
When “Ms. Sex Goddess” put me on hold.
Sexier Limerick Than Above
I wanted to get uncontrolled.
Yet the “phone sex” seemed distant and cold.
I felt no affection,
But lots of rejection
When “Ms. Hot Panties” put me on hold.
My slumbers disrupted, the drone.
Of my partner, won’t stop, and I groan.
Put snoring to bed,
I bought him instead.
Breathe Right, the no noisy nose bone.
“Unprecedented Rejection”
With my wife, I am totally through!
I’m horny, fed-up, and so blue!
I told my dog, Sadie
“Now you’ll be “my lady”
It’s hopeless! She rolled over too.
The Grand Concourse Of Winter: Miami, Of Course!
After hatching, they’re fruitfully fertile.
They want babies, just watch them all hurtle.
They hate all the drones
In icy-cold zones
And the leader is Myrtle The Turtle.
He couldn’t discern a connection
Between his bad acts and rejection,
When friend after friend
Said “This is the end,”–
His strong suit was not introspection.
Asked his physician who did the inspection,
“When’s the last time you had an erection?”
The guy said, “Don’t know,
‘Was a long time ago,
‘Might have been after Clinton’s election.”
I treat most with respect or affection
And do not foster hate or rejection.
But I too feel the pain
Of the folk in Ukraine,
So for Putin I’ll make an exception.
The worst toy for all girls and boys,
Puts an end to all “parenting joys.”
The champion’s Drones!
Can’t you hear all the groans?
It wins for “Most Maddening Noise.”
Most people still say they don’t care
‘Bout noises that buzz in the air
From maddening drones,
Which rattle my bones.
It’s more peaceful to sleep at O’Hare.
When the curtain went up at the Met,
Some yahoos applauded the set.
The soprano’s high “C”
Was whooped. So you see,
To eject them would be the best bet.
So blissful and fully well-blown,
I suppressed my traditional moan.
Cuz we thought we heard drones
With loud buzzing tones
Something told us we weren’t alone.
Same Limerick, With Pronoun Changes
So blissful and fully well-blown,
I suppressed my traditional moan.
Cuz I thought I heard drones
With loud buzzing tones.
Something told me we weren’t alone.
“Oh, rejection is more than just pain.
‘Will I ever be wanted again?’
It’s the fear that you’re not
Either gorgeous or hot,
And at seven-years old, that’s strain.”
Politian rejection.
A Politian drowned – execution.
In local river is pollution.
If all of them drown,
No need to frown.
Then it would be a solution.
The recession has hurt many zones.
All the haulers have taken out loans.
To end all the losses,
The decree from the boss is:
UPS will deliver the drones.
Change Of One Word: Line 5
The recession has hurt many zones.
All the haulers have taken out loans.
To end all the losses,
The decree from the Boss is:
UPS will now drop ship the drones.
A speaker who mumbles and drones
Will be greeted with hisses and moans
From an audience mainly
Comprised of ungainly
Glass housers who shouldn’t throw stones
A queen mates with multiple drones
(Who must have the requisite stones)
But no need for money
Just sweet words like honey
To tickle erogenous zones
Rejection of Injection Against Infection
Not with a pole ten feet long
Will I touch this in word or in song
Not one of my goals
To awaken the trolls
To argue who’s right and who’s wrong
A psycho with plenty of drones
would spy on the neighbouring Jones –
he fed his suspicion
but they’d ammunition
and pelted his drones with their stones
Some say that Bob Dylan’s voice drones –
“let’s ban him from all microphones!” –
but the Nobel committee
judge his wordplay is pretty
though not sure if he sings or he moans.
In the most cutting-edge combat zones
no-one risks their flesh or their bones,
they kill all resistance
from a sensible distance,
just a game that they play with their drones.
The Consequences Of Rejection
I thought Jim and I were a “we”,
Till he kicked me and fractured my knee.
But he didn’t know
How low I could go.
Cuz hell hath no fury like me.
Rejection
She said it felt good when I’d hold’er
But lately, Jane’s acting much colder.
I guess it is clear
I’m no longer her “dear”
Cuz now I’ve got snow on my shoulder.
Rejection
I adored her, we had so much fun.
Then one day she said, “We are done.”
I guess I’m a dope,
But I’m still filled with hope.
And this torch must weigh one goddam ton.
In our bed, so rejected and blue,
We were wondering, “What shall we do?’
Didn’t move, we stayed long
Till Bill asked, “What’s wrong?”
“Can’t YOU think of someone else too?”
I played music for coins like a hobo
but the bagpipes I squeezed were a no-go:
the wheezes and drones
were greeted with groans –
and that’s why I took up the oboe.
Modern research shows honey bee drones
In hot weather produce sex hormones.
Then hormone overload
Makes each penis explode
And both drone and the Queen emit moans.
[Very loosely based on current bee research by Dr Alison McAfee at UBC.]
The sky was flooded with drones
Deliveries from warehouse cones
Packages dropped at the door
Some fell through the floor
Inside were hundreds of clones
Mad, my 2/20/22 2:54 pm Lim “rejected by a peer” refers to a 2/14/22
10:40 pm (demeaning) Lim calling me a “new punster hero”. Another
response:
I didn’t know how wild he be.
Shot down and embarrassed by he.
“Punster hero” – I smiled.
That would be wild.
But I am improving – you’ll see.
They whinge, in continuous moans;
Their acquaintances call them The Drones.
Doom and gloom from their face;
They waste air and space
With the grace of a coven of crones.
I’ve heard the soft humming of birds,
And giraffes as they pace in their herds.
So why all the “drones”
With musical tones?
Did those creatures forget all the words?
“High Noon” Grace Kelly, Gary Cooper 1952 (Rejection)
My Baby Doll, you’re so good-lookin’.
You said that ,”We’ll always be cookin’
It’s our “spesh” wedding day.
Oh, don’t run away.
If you dump me, I’ll feel real forsook’in.
A True Story
Her Mozart was brilliant to hear;
The judges’ announcement loomed near.
But with Schumann she faltered,
Their decision they altered –
No piano prize given that year!
Dual purpose?
Buzz buzz buzz, on and on went her drone.
All day long she was on that damn phone.
She felt disrespected
When she was rejected.
By whom and for what is not known.
“Those who’ve been there will never make light
Of rejection. Recalling her slight
Even now, I go cold.
‘Ooh … no thanks! You’re too old.’
‘Tis that sting gets me up every night.”
Of the jargon humanity owns
(words from roots that our populace clones),
Be it policy-speak
Or cliche of the week,
My most favorite buzzword is “drones.”
In honor of my friends who were part of Carnegie Tech’s bagpipe corps.
The neighbors all want to throw stones.
They threaten to break all my bones
Whenever I practice
My musical act, as
My bagpipes have horrible drones.
Dear Author, Your work I decline,
Though I love every nuance and line.
It’s sexy and funny,
And we pay good money,
But not for our readers, age nine.
Mad, please delete my Feb. 28. at 11.05am and replace with this version. Thanks.
True story. Happening a lot, apparently.
NYT without further ado
Has deemed I’m on Wordle streak two.
I was doing just fine
But my game 39
Streak’s been ended, so Wordle, – screw you!
So my Bucket List’s gone (if you get my gist)
Too risky; at my age my back could twist.
But I’m no longer sad, –
There’s so much I can add
To my new one, – I call it my Fuck-it list.
Our brightest rejecting politics. A sentiment attributed to Plato.
It’s sad that a young newcomer.
Too smart for politics, a bummer.
Though not a bad guy.
He’s then punished by,
Being governed by those who are dumber.
Politicians rejecting commonsense. A sentiment attributed to
Nikita Khrushchev.
Politicians don’t differ by a sliver.
They promise that they will deliver.
A lie, just a smidge.
They’ll build a great bridge,
Even where there is no river.
A Lifetime Of Rejection
Since birth, I was spurned and ignored.
When delivered, “Doc Pull ‘Em Out” roared.
He took one quick look.
And violently shook.
Then strangled himself with the cord.
Rejected and always so blue,
I never knew quite what to do.
Spurned by both mom and dad,
(Though it made me real sad),
They did visit me at the zoo.
Another Attempt At “Rejected From Birth” (better)
Since birth, I was spurned and ignored.
When delivered, my shocked Mama roared.
She took one quick look.
And violently shook.
Then strangled herself with the cord.
If this limerick grabs your attention
With its humour and wit and invention,
It could win the Award.
If it just leaves you bored
Then you won’t even give it a ‘Mention’.
I approached a young lady today
And I asked for a date — but no way.
Though rejection is hell,
I can handle it well.
Hey, practice makes perfect, they say.
In my dreams I crave hot buttered scones,
And also some yummy corn pones;
But before I can sate
I know I must wait,
‘Til my genie delivers by drones!
Said the queen bee of sex with her drones,
“While they’re screwing, they’re all on their phones.
I’m sick of their texting;
I guess that the next thing
They’ll want is to give them some loans.”
Pluto rejected as feared.
Not talking about one pup eared.
The guys of astro,
I’m hearing hi ho.
Calling it dwarf, with out beard.
Maybe a little better?
Pluto ejected as feared.
Not talking about one pup eared.
The guys of astro,
I’m hearing hi ho.
Calling it dwarf, that seems weird.
I started to write a new sonnet
For a girl with a bee in her bonnet.
But which one’s the drone?
That needs to be known.
‘Twould behoove me to ponder upon it.
Her marker on whiteboard applied.
Had started from upper left side.
She filled it and droned.
The test was postponed.
Most the class, due to boredom, had died.
another try with my 2/24 attempt
My sleeping disrupted, the drone.
Of my partner, won’t stop, and I groan.
Want to bash in his head,
But bought him instead.
A nasal congestion nose bone.*
* Breathe Right can save your relationship, or at least your sleep and sanity.
The madam reviver deified alone.
To refer in a civic level drone.
To radar on racecar,
Or kayak – bizarre?
Nine words above a palindrome.
The Honey Bee King of Corn Pones
Loved to huff into huge megaphones:
“Lo! I sorely need wives
Who will tend to my hives,
And a Queen who’ll encourage my drones!”
“I am sure that, at heart, I’m a bee.
My sole function? To make others be.
Mother Nature condones
The existence of drones,
So, society should value me.”
“I am sure that, at heart, I’m a bee.
My sole function? To make others be.
Mother Nature condones
The existence of drones,
So, society should value me.”
“But it doesn’t, it says I’m a louse!
If I’m not fornicating, I grouse.
I am never content,
Ever bumming for rent,
And the bane of my common-law spouse.”
“Revenge Is A Dish Best Served Cold”
A Bulldog will grumble in tones
Which sound just like murm-er-ing drones.
But the worst dogged noise
That re-now-dly annoys
Is the grunt that is Don Corleone’s.
A reworking of Sondra Landin’s limerick (March 1, 8:40 pm) with a helpful suggestion from Tony Holmes of Cornwall. Sondra suggested that I submit this.
I ordered some real Cornish scones.
Instead, they delivered corn pones.
I really did scream
I had bought clotted cream
Flown in from Great Britain by drones.
Tom the deviant currently owns
High-def vid cams that fly on his drones.
He was peeping at Dawn
Till her brother caught on.
Tom’s now sporting a few broken bones.
An Optimistic Viewpoint Of “Senior Citizen Love Affairs”
It’s nice when the “seniors” befriend
A mate on whom they can depend.
After time, one’s rejected,
Yet hardly affected.
Cuz the starting point’s close to the end.
OR
It happens to be a true fact
That we senior folk still can attract.
If by chance, one’s rejected
They’re hardly affected.
Since the romance is mainly One Act.
(the best one) ?
It’s nice when the seniors befriend
A mate on whom they can depend.
If by chance, one’s rejected,
They’re hardly affected.
Cause the starting point’s almost the end.
“I’d like a Pepsi”, said Joan.
“We have Coke”, the waitress did drone.
“Then I’ll take a gram,
And a Pepsi, madame”.
Said Joan with a smile full-blown.
Shopping for golf balls, though full of doubts.
I hit balls into net, their workouts.
I act like a drone,
But no skill have I shown.
They sold me a box of X-outs.
The game rejects me.
My golfing effort is valent.
My attempt to launch ball is gallant.
But they, say I suffer from LOFT.
And what that means, they scoffed.
Is (lack of f**king talent).
A young student done-in by pre med,
Thought he’d ace aeronautics instead.
He vowed, “I’ll make my bones
By mastering drones!”
But the subject was over his head.
She rejects her husband’s financial strategy.
“I know about what you withhold.
Our LIFE SAVINGS on dogs? How BOLD”!
“They’re Golden Retrievers,
We must be believers.
I did it cuz they retrieve gold”.
Having sex in her pool, Mrs. Jones
Was filmed by a couple of drones.
The clip, it went viral
As there’s no denial
It’s quite a nice pool that she owns.
Despite his enormous erection,
Poor Tony felt only dejection.
“The girls,” Tony said
“All saw it and fled
And I just can’t deal with rejection.”
A couple of ugly old crones
Responded to Tony’s sad drones:
“Just bring that tumescence
Right here in our presence
Along with the rest of your bones.”
After some brief introspection,
Tony declined the connection.
He said, “Not tonight
And cast in this light,
I’m learning to cope with rejection.”
And that is why those two old crones
Are home watching porn on their phones
Without having Tony
Or Tony’s baloney,
But only a couple Padrons.
Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
A four-man golf team it is clear.
Performs best when the players adhere.
Each skill will be used,
And none are refused.
I bring the snacks and some beer.
Oh how she drones and she drones
About ancient and sore, achy bones.
I nod with concern,
Wishing peace will return,
While enjoying my nifty headphones.
If the sounds of loud squeals, honks and groans
And unmusical wavering drones
Aren’t appealing to you,
Then the best thing to do
Is to not buy your children trombones.
A stylish lady from Clive.
Wore her hair piled high like a hive.
A passing drone,
Seeing his new home.
Soon arranged for the queen to arrive.
Maybe better.
A stylish lady from Clive.
Wore her hair piled high like a hive.
A passing drone.
Saw his new home,
And arranged for the queen to arrive.
They swarmed from hives led by a drone.
Blocked sunlight, wherever they’ve flown.
As day became night,
In town square what a sight.
Acts, very few would condone.
Some bees found a field full of poppies.
Ingesting they soon got the floppies.
Then led by a drone.
The queen left her throne.
To partake in their fun, she soon copies.
Childhood mem’ries are starting to fade,
Of those picnics in parks in the shade,
When removal of drones,
From assigned no-fly zones,
Was achieved with a few squirts of Raid.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 490. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Strain.