It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Said Stravinsky, “My schedule is tight;
My publishers called me last night
To commission a song
About righting a wrong,
But I’m too busy writing a Rite.”
Congratulations to MARK TOTTERDELL, who wins the Special SHOTS-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Novak Djokovic, agile and tall,
Plays great shots with a racket and ball,
But there’s one kind of shot
That he still hasn’t got,
Because Novak’s had no vax at all.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Tony Holmes, Bob Turvey, Brian Allgar, Jean McEwen, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Terry Marter, Dave Johnson, Tim James, Roger Haugen, Kirk Miller, Steve Benko, Fred Bortz, Sharon Neeman, David Hodges, and Sue Dulley. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “RIGHT or WRITE or RITE” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO SHOTS-THEMED LIMERICKS)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Elmer Fudd sang in Shanghai one night —
Karaoked (his last civil right.)
Took one shot at a song
With “If wuvving you’s wong,
Then (it’s twue) I don’t want to be wight.”
Sue Dulley:
We’ve had our three shots; it’s all right
To meet now and then for a bite.
And if anyone asks,
Say we all wore our masks
While devouring our dinner tonight.
Tony Holmes:
If you’ve might on your side, you are right,
And you can, with impunity, smite.
You are calling the shots.
You can crush the have-nots,
But you dare not sleep tight every night
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“RIGHT or WRITE or RITE”-Rhyme DIVISION)
Bob Turvey:
If you suffer from cramps in the night
A banana will soon put you right.
“I’ve tried it,” said Jane,
Many times – but in vain.”
Said her friend, “If you eat it, it might.”
Jean McEwen:
It had seemed to be love at first sight;
I had finally found Mr. Right!!
Then those fresh bloody stains
And those human remains
In his trunk gave me pause; I took flight.
Lisi Nortman:
My foot fell asleep on the flight,
Yet the rest of my body felt right.
Then at the hotel,
I slept very well,
But my foot stayed awake through the night.
Terry Marter:
Half asleep; half awake, half the night:
Half a Lim’rick that STILL don’t look right.
Time to rise for a brew, –
Slice of toast, perhaps two.
Add a bowl of “Just Right?” I just might!
Dave Johnson:
Jen’s husband was trying to write
A poem he hoped would ignite
Her passionate side.
But as hard as he tried,
His assonance failed to excite.
Tim James:
A randy young gal named Costello
Hooked up with a like-minded fellow.
He lied that he’d write
When he left her that night.
When it comes to commitment, he’s yellow.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
An obstructionist ended the night,
When he got the last word in a fight.
“I’m agreeing,” said he,
To say we disagree.
But that won’t make me any less right.”
Roger Haugen:
A new era was born at the site
Of mankind’s first motorized flight;
Ahead of all others,
These two small-town brothers
Showed the world what it meant to be (W)right.
Kirk Miller:
At the funeral, minister Dwight
Was real nervous and feeling uptight.
’Twas the first one where he
Had to speak, so you see
He worked hard so he’d write the right rite.
Steve Benko:
When on pot, you’re as high as a kite;
It isn’t the best time to write.
You think you’re inspired,
But Mad says, “You’re fired!
Your work on my page is a blight!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (SHOTS-Themed LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James:
After pounding nine shots of sloe gin
I took note of her come-hither grin.
So we went to her place.
But oh God, the disgrace!
I was wholly unable to sin.
Brian Allgar:
The photographer’s English was lean;
The police soon arrived on the scene.
His mistake was to state
To the guard on the gate
“I have come to take shots at your Queen.”
Fred Bortz:
It’s too bad that the guy had to die
From drinking too much of that rye.
Alas, what a shame,
But the rules of the game
Were a shot for each Trumpian lie.
Sharon Neeman:
There’s a faction that’s riddled with twits
Who have far more polemic than wits:
“Don’t get jabbed!” they all cry
As folks sicken and die —
So they’re both anti-shots and pro shits.
David Hodges:
In German, “mein Schatz” means “my treasure” –
A sweetheart beyond any measure.
An American miss
May take umbrage at this;
Being called “Shots” will bring her no pleasure!
Lisi Nortman:
The last time I went to my shrink,
He said, “Gertrude, you need to rethink!
“You MUST get that shot!”
But then I did not,
When I found out it wasn’t a drink.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
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