Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: PRIME at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 5, 2022 )
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using PRIME at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ACCUSATIONS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ACCUSATIONS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 6 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 5, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my PRIME-rhyme limerick:
A dishonest young fellow named Lance
Stole some wallets and handbags in France.
Though his theft skills were prime,
(This was not his first crime)
Lance was caught quite by chance at a dance.
And here’s my ACCUSATION-themed limerick:
A tense spouse warned her husband, “No joke!
You must give up cigars, or you’ll croak.”
He replied with a shriek:
“But I stopped just last week.”
“You’re lying,” she said. “Don’t blow smoke.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Accusations Humor, Accusations Limerick, Cigars, Competition Limerick, Crime & Punishment Humor, Crime Limerick, Lies Humor, Lies Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Lying, Marriage Humor, Marriage Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Smoking Humor, Smoking Limerick, Theft Humor, Writing Prompts
The defendant, all battered and bruised,
Denies crimes of which he’s been accused.
Now he’s caught and in court,
Claiming street fights are sport
Cos the crowd (placing bets) were amused.
Accused men have been viewed with disdain
By some women who loudly complain
They were fondled a lot.
On the men it’s a blot,
And they’re groping for ways to explain.
Alfred Dreyfus for years made the news
After Zola revealed in “J’Accuse”
The whole truth, the real reason
For the false charge of treason.
Some Frenchmen just didn’t like Jews.
We emerged from primordial slime.
I admit we were not in our prime,
But we found a solution
And used evolution.
In due time even learned how to rhyme.
They keep offering Amazon Prime,
But I firmly refuse every time.
Greedy Jeff is so rich,
But the son-of-a-bitch
Wob’t pay taxes, not even a dime.
Though I can’t stop the passage of time,
To attempt to delay it’s no crime.
Whenever I’m told
That I’m now very old,
I insist that I’m in my “late prime”.
(Double)
The Prince is accused of the crime
Of enjoying young girls in their prime –
Under-age. What a sleaze!
But a Royal big cheese
Is unlikely to have to do time.
I pressed the “Dissatisfied” button
And signed it as “Unhappy glutton.”
“What you sold me’s a scam;
Though it’s labelled “Spring Lamb”,
From the taste, it is elderly mutton.”
Cleopatra was nude at the time –
When a guard’s loin cloth started to climb.
Said she, “In my presence
You’re sporting tumescence?”
Then she had him cut off in his prime.
His young kisses were simply sublime
She’d know, since they kissed all the time
A Cougar with cash
She got whisker rash
She ribbed, your my optimus prime
Accusations, they toss them at me
I’m too loud, too honest, oh pul-ease
They come all the time
But, hey I’m in my prime
Tah-tah to your too-toos, I’m free.
“Accusations I’m dumb are not true”
(Trump said) “Here’s what I’m going to do:
To prove I’m no fool
I’ll go back to school
And learn to spell words, – like I.Q.”
Hey Mad,
Perhaps we should collaborate. What d’ya think?
They accused her of looking askance
At Lance, who was wearing tight pants.
But it’s also been hinted
That she merely squinted.
Just by chance at a dance back in France.
“Your career path, a life spent in crime?
Then a liking for porridge is prime.
Add a penchant for cuffs,
And close friendship of toughs,
And don’t bitch when time comes to do time.”
Bank exec, felt her ‘clock’ ticking time…
Single still, no romance, such a crime
Made a quest, found a mate
At a high interest rate
It was clear, he was well above prime
In the fridge sat my last half of lime
It was clearly well past its prime
But I still put it in
To my tonic and gin
And the drink simply turned into slime
My baby is such a delight.
And though I am raising him right,
Years from now, to his “shrink”
He’ll say, “I’m on the brink.”
Then accuse me for causing his plight.
My Mommy accused me of lying!
Then wondered why I wasn’t crying.
I’ve heard her big spiel
That Santa is real.
So she’s lying too. I’m not buying.
I call Gershwin’s music sublime,
‘Cause that’s the kind of guy I’m;
Not played much of late,
So what? I can wait–
Until then, I’m Biden my time.
“Sound of Music” was simply sublime.
Way back then, I was sure in my prime.
That was so long ago,
And now I walk slow.
Ev’ry mountain I no longer climb.
There once was a man of his time
who overused Amazon Prime
till he hit the floor
when Covid dropped at his door
(driver coughed up justice sublime).
The word from the armory’s heady.
Two cannon balls now going steady.
Not to accuse,
But received news,
They’re expecting BBs already.
Dogs head in car with a wink.
Out the window in a blink.
If you ask why,
He would reply,
“Boy how those people do stink”.
Since her wisecracks and punchlines were glib,
Eve could poke with a joke (or ad-lib).
And any old time,
The target most prime
Would be Adam — so easy to rib.
False Accusation
The perception that “hubby” imparts
Is false, (I’m the one with the smarts.)
He blames our Maltese
For cutting the cheese.
Yet he’s the one blowing the farts.
Accusations today aren’t few
We lament all the ones that aren’t true
Yeah, you feel for the guy
Who got poked in the eye
When an eye-for-eye’s surely his due!
The dish she was planning was prime:
Grade-A beef, marinated in lime,
Parsley, rosemary, sage.
Then it needed to age.
But it failed, ’cause she ran out of thyme.
Accusations can leave you quite blue
When perceptions, as seen, aren’t true…
But the color most dread
In the mirror is red
When the wrongful accuser is YOU!
Charles dickens spending his dimes,
Bought spices but then he whines.
Some very eatable,
Others were regrettable.
The best of thymes, the worst of thymes.
The juror was somewhat confused
Though nevertheless quite amused
When the Judge on the bench,
(Who sure was no mensch)
Said, “Now call the falsely accused.”
Buttoned flies were foremost for a time,
Till the zipper emerged to stand prime.
But this Penis Fly Trap
Can imperil one’s chap,
Whereas Velcro commits no such crime.
A cow won’t curie favor,
Be excused for their behavior.
One of his ilk,
Who can’t give milk,
Is deemed an udder failure.
.
In the last 2 sad years we have seen
People wearing their masks, as routine.
So if pointing the finger,
Keep your distance, don’t linger.
And make sure your hands are real clean.
There was a man in his prime
Who loved to have a good climb
Screwed every woman in America
Accruing lots of bad karma
Till a stroke paralyzed his limb
“Sis” accused me of stealing her clothes,
Right down to her personal hose.
I confessed to the Abbot
Concerning my Habit.
And now I’m “Absolved Sister Rose.”
“OOPS”
“Well, now I know just who you are!
Saw your Chevy at “Two-Timer Bar”
“Sue, he must be super,
Cuz you’re now in a stupor.
This morning, you borrowed my car.”
Rhyme Schyme
As a poetess, back in my prime,
I believed that free verse was sublime.
After “free,” I tried “blank,”
A diversion I thank.
I’m still drawing on that at this time.
It’s a breaking and entering crime.
And Goldilocks suspect this time.
Three bears are all bent,
On malicious intent.
The trial is on Amazon Prime.
You put down my poetry
Accuse me of mediocrity
Saying I am dumb
When I know I’m da bomb
You’re the one who needs therapy
She hovered above the still bird.
That laid on a book, hadn’t stirred.
The title is prime,
“In Cold Blood” fits the crime.
Angelic look kitty just purred.
Who, me?
The house paint was well past its prime
But they Had not much more than a Dime.
Robbed a bank. Bought the stuff.
Did the job. Think that’s rough?
The new Colour was Really the crime!
Michael Lee Aday: known as “Meat Loaf ” died on January 20th, this year.
He was primarily a Rock singer with a powerful and wide-ranging voice.
(Extremely talented)
Michael Lee was just simply sublime.
And I must admit, truthfully I’m
Just so full of woe
And assuredly know
That “Meat Loaf” was well-seasoned Prime.
My previous spouse a big cheat.
Had a dream I restrained both his feet.
Next morning bazaar,
Found in trunk of my car,
Were bags that were drained of concrete.
She annoys me time after time
From the ridiculous to the sublime.
But that made me discover
That I really do love her
No matter she’s way past her prime.
Having reached a peak, and made lots,
Careered downhill at a great rate of knots.
He’d past his prime
And just in time
As he is now competing with bots.
I get paid for spending my time
Dating men way past their prime.
They think they’re ten rated,
They’re more like sedated
But the money makes life real sublime.
The news is rather upsetting.
I seem to have turned into a cretin.
I’m way past my prime
Now I’ve turned sixty-nine,
And it seems no job I’ll be getting
Even numbers, when odd, can do tricks
Add a little four-play to the mix…
Birthing ‘3’ to be prime
Can take quite a long time
When two numbers consent to ‘halve six’…
We’ll, it goes without saying, ’twas prime…
Question popped, she was speachless – sublime…
Lost for words she was craving
All he got was hand waving
So well said – his new wife was a mime…
Miss Brodie was sure in her prime
Bragged of it all the time
She fussed and she primped
For the girls that she pimped
While proclaiming fascism sublime.
Not known for organizing acumen.
Mislabeled some jars, only human.
Wife’s yet to give flak,
Hasn’t seen her spice rack,
But now the thyme is cumin.
Adultery is a sin it’s true’
It’s something forbidden to do.
While you’re in your prime’
Don’t commit this crime.
You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.
Oops! I’ll try it again.
Adultery is a sin it’s true.
It’s something forbidden to do.
While you’re in your prime.
Don’t commit this crime.
You can’t have your Kate and Edith too.
When Mo and I entered our prime
We agreed to be partners in crime.
At first, all our stick-ups
Transpired without hiccups,
But now, we’re both serving hard time.
When he asks where I’ve been, I reply,
“Why, at church!” He then counters, “You lie!”
Could it be that my cover
For trysts with my lover
Is failing ‘cause hubby’s a spy?
Gave her land – had to spend his last dime…
With high hopes to hear wedding bells chime
With a diamond so fine
She did opt to decline
Since the real estate just wasn’t prime
He asked the old chief, feather-plucking.
Why some of his kid’s names were sucking.
“I gave it little thought, is true”.
“I’d look around for a clue”.
“But why do you ask, Two Dogs F**king”?
Nice one, Mad! The people who steal wallets are known as ‘dippers’ in some circles and the handbag thieves are called ‘snatchers’.
Here’s my Limerick attempt:
BITEY FACE
Even though some thought his rump was prime
It was squashy like lemon and lime
He makes a bitey face
As bitter as old lace
The butcher was having a good time
25012022/1/Mad Kane Prompt
Cried Chef Andre, “You’ve ruined my prime
rib roast for the very last time!”
Then with aid from a new chef,
He laid out the sous-chef.
Who could blame him? Burnt prime is a crime.
McCarthy destroyed reputations
With his Anti-Red investigations.
If he smelled “Communist”
You were on a Black List;
No proof needed – just accusations.
[For example: limerick writer Louis Untermeyer; see Wikipedia]
Accusation!
My “girl” clearly stated her case!
She said I am “just a disgrace”
Cuz I “talk like a child”
That made me go wild
So I spit in her stinky poo face.
Caught a thief with my watch in his fist.
“The thing’s broken,” he sulked, acting pissed.
As a suspect, he’s prime,
But it’s not the right time,
So he’ll just get a slap on the wrist.
As a senior, I’m still in my prime.
When I walk, I can stop on a dime.
Of course, I then fall.
But I still have a ball.
And crawl back to that room just one time.
OR
As a senior, I’m still in my prime.
From 1 to 10, I am “The Dime”
And when I forget,
Not to brag, I “reset”
And go back to that room just one time.
Mr. Wu cried, “How dare you accuse
Me of bigotry, hate, biased views?
Just because Christmas Day
The “Wu Tang Buffet”
Is open, but only for Jews.”
I should have used “My” instead of “The” in line 4. (and another change)
Mr. Tang cried, “How dare you accuse
Me of bigotry, hate, biased views?
Just because Christmas Day
My “Wu Tang Buffet”
Is open, but only for Jews.”
Only odd numbers are prime.
Except one not odd anytime.
Not odd one is 2.
Seems odd but who knew.
An even one’s prime this one time.
“I know what you’re up to” she said
The moment he crawled into bed.
“Those things on your phone
When you think you’re alone
Wind up in my archive instead.”
Small tweak to earlier Lim.
He asked the old chief, feather-plucking.
Why some of his kid’s names were sucking.
“I gave little thought this is true”.
“I’d look around for a clue”.
“But why do you ask, Two Dogs F**king”?
“The Closing Argument”
“The defendant’s accused of “Misdeed”
“She’s guilty. It’s true. Yes indeed!
I believe her beautician
(A prestigious position)
Now, jurors, what more do you need?”
Limerick Errors! One More Try:
“Closing Argument”
“The defendant’s accused of “Misdeed”
“To convince you of guilt, I’ll proceed:
“She told her beautician.
(A prestigious position)
Now jurors, what more do you need?”
Many folks thought it a crime
When Lady Gaga that time
In a move indiscreet
Wore a free made of meat
(Back when she was in her prime).
Painter Pete didn’t waste any time
Slapped a coat on a house in Old Lyme
Owner showed up and said
Changed my mind – paint it red!
The good news – Pete was still in his prime…
What are you accusing me of?
Bad grammar in line one above?
My “of” preposition
Is out of position
At the end of a sentence, my love?
Madeleine asked for a rhyme
That in it employed the word “rhyme.”
I thought of one, Mad
That isn’t half bad
But it seems that I’ve run out of time.
Correction to de-autocorrect above limerick:
Many folks thought it a crime
When Lady Gaga that time
In a move indiscreet
Wore a dress made of meat
(Back when she was in her prime).
Their sex life is well past its prime:
Thoughts of “why do we bother” each time.
Their lust to ‘perform’
Is no longer the norm
But the sleep-in ‘til lunch is sublime.
Placing hands on, I gave it a jerk —
Recalling its ev’ry last quirk.
I oiled it up nightly,
Massaging it lightly.
Even so, the old pump wouldn’t work.
“He’ll Think You Went Shopping”
First gather up all of your shoes.
Then throw them in bags to reuse.
Now go on your way.
Have fun with Jose.
Come home later, and “hub” won’t accuse.
“If only I’d known – such a crime! –
But before I’d made use of my prime
It was gone! I had frittered,
And now I’m embittered.
I was gorgeous for such a short time.”
I slept with a girl, not a crime.
She makes movies for Amazon Prime.
When it came time to poke her,
It was mediocre,
And she asked me to pay for her time.
on 1/24 Bizarre how I used Bazaar, whoops
My previous spouse , a big cheat.
Had dream I restrained both his feet.
Next morning, bizarre,
Found in trunk of my car,
Bags that were drained of concrete.
To rid Mob of their bodies of crime.
Concrete that’s from alkali lime.
Best price they advise,
To order supplies.
Home Depot or Amazon Prime.
A helper from Amazon Prime,
Alexa will give you the time.
Plus music and news;
But beware if you choose
Her limericks – doggerel crime.
We robbed “Diamonds R Us” ; brought a rag.
And shaped it to make a tight gag.
Cracked my knee. Couldn’t flee.
The cop accused ME !
I admitted to holding the bag.
In “Domestic Class” I was bestowed
The trophy called “Go Hit The Road”
I botched up a dress.
Was accused of “a mess”
It seams that I reaped what I sewed.
The bored cook sought something expedient
His response was truly obedient
Though it wasn’t the prime…
He threw in wild thyme
As the perfect missing ingredient!
Sade – her career in its prime,
Released the song “Is It a Crime?”.
But then, to dismay us,
We heard “Amadeus”;
That question was right at the time.
I was meaning to look up “J’accuse,”
When instead I succumbed to a snooze.
But from all I can glean
As to what it might mean,
It’s a French word for “Trump’s in the news.”
Young girls stomping grapes, no reason to smirk.
Some tired sat down – the job they shirk.
But don’t take it lightly
Cuz they would likely
Get a little behind, in their work.
With my cell phone at my ear.
My wife replied, strange but so clear.
“This I will share,
Trim your ear hair”.
“For it’s a video call my dear”.
I have just a bit more than a dime.
But I do have to shop time to time.
I buy “chuck” then proceed
To season with weed.
(When I’m floating, it tastes just like prime.)
The passenger wouldn’t refrain;
His anti-mask rants were profane.
So back to the gate
Where the F.B.I. wait;
For actions he’ll have to ex-plane.
The Motown Sound: Marvin Gaye, we miss you.
Still grooving to all your fabulous songs, especially this one:
(my version)
Don’t think I’m accusing you, dear.
Won’t believe all the things that I hear.
Found out yesterday
That you might go away,
Now and then, that old Grapevine is clear.
Makes more sense: Marvin Gaye
Don’t think I’m accusing you, dear.
Won’t believe all the things that I hear.
But I heard yesterday,
That you’re goin’ away.
Now and then, that old Grapevine is clear.
(Honey, Honey Yeah)
An electric car thief they’ll arraign
Had fled the emergency lane.
He’d still be at large
With a battery charge;
Instead, all went down with the drain.
Correction to lines 3 and 4 in posting above:
The passenger wouldn’t refrain:
His anti-mask rants were profane;
So back to the gates
Where the F.B.I. waits;
For actions he’ll have to ex-plane.
Every stupid and wild accusation
Has a simple, consistent causation;
Just search and you’ll find
A tightly closed mind,
With a pattern of pure obfuscation.
Covid Nineteen, a real game-changer,
While deniers are playing Lone Ranger;
This mob of accusers,
Sure-enough losers–
Who force all to cope with the danger.
“It’s a hoax, this damn vaccination!”
So runs the shrill accusation;
For “freedom” and pride
So many have died–
Not a source for informed emulation.
Online dating sites show all the time
Great folk – who are all in their prime.
When I meet them tho’
Good God – what a blow!
Surely lying online is a crime?
Accused was the king of the weeners
Of high crimes and base misdemeanors,
But Washington’s rashest —
Each asshole and fascist —
Acted as his intervenors.
My new HVAC repair man refused
To admit guilt to what I accused
Lots of shouts and a swear
And a stern, red-faced glare
But once vented, the hot air diffused…
It appeared on my arm in a flash
And my bold accusation was brash
“Poison oak from your yard
Has me scratching and scarred!”
Neighbor Ned claimed my judgment was rash…
On the stand was one-eyed plumber Jack
Was accused of a vicious attack
Was grilled hard for his sin
Till he finally gave in
And the old adage stuck, ‘”plumbers crack'”…
Still in shock from the rogue allegation
The G.I. doc bore consternation
When my hired P.I.
Heard his ‘tight’ alibi
We learned he was still on ‘probe-ation’…
Said 19 to 69, “I’m
Ready to go every time,
For I, while you’re humping,
Am ready for pumping;
That’s what it means to be prime.”
Whenever I’m blamed or accused,
It truthfully leaves me confused.
My conscience is clean
In fact, it’s pristine-
The damn thing has never been used.
“Our lives,” spoke the sevens, “are fun
For nobody under the sun
Has committed the crime
Of dividing a prime,
Unless, of course, you are The One!”
Ancient Establishment, Condos For Seniors
I’m the only man here, (just sublime)
And at 90, I’m still in my prime.
The “Ladies of Gray”
Just can’t stay away.
I keep begging them, “One At A Time!”
Buttoned flies reigned supreme for a time,
Till the zipper emerged to stand prime.
But this Penis Fly Trap
Can imperil one’s chap,
Whereas Velcro commits no such crime.
Ammended.
He told her “It’s not what you think;
And yes, we were having a drink.
She noticed my ring;
We’re not having a fling.”
(His eyelids beginning to blink…)
Hate between left and right guided,
By billionaire media decided.
But the blue and the red,
More in common they dread.
So, the rich keep them divided.
Sally: Age 10
The day that the cold wind was blowing
My mommy accused me of throwing
Big snowballs at Spot.
I said, “I did not”
Then oops! my cute nose started growing.
The defendant was bold, “What, me worry?!”
Then she made some key calls in a hurry
Got twelve Chippendale studs
To replace juror duds
The result was (as planned) – a hung jury….
False Accusation “Billy’s Teacher”
“Billy Johnson, you think you are slick!
By now I am used to your schtick!
You were cheating today!”
I told her, “No Way”
My regular cheat pal is sick.”
Life on earth, in a long-ago time,
Got its start in primordial slime;
But some remain stuck
In scriptural muck,
Out of which they’re unlikely to climb.
replace earlier version with this—
Life on Earth, in a long-ago time,
Got its start in primordial slime;
But some remain stuck
In scriptural muck,
Out of which they’re unlikely to climb.
Konohanasakuya-hime
The goddess of volcanoes once in her prime
Spontaneity
Nature deity
Her name is quite hard to say but easy to rhyme
I confronted him, flushed and irate,
And accused him of bedding my mate.
He said, “That’s a damned lie;
I’m an ethical guy!
Besides…she just isn’t that great.”
She had just passed the bar, flying high
Her career’s only limit, the sky…
But accused of high crime
Taken down in her prime?
The judge liked her “at vault” alibi
His loud blame-game attack did assault me
Left a taste that was acrid and salty
Finger-point, on a whim
Left 3 pointing at him
And his weak, baseless case even ‘faulty’…
Those time slots referred as “prime”
Belong to show hosts who did climb
Up the ladder at Fox.
That’s the channel that mocks
The concept one jerk at a time.
The school had reunion in days.
Salons were a frenzy, ablaze.
The gals in their prime.
All the guys said, “Guess I’m,
Just fifty old shades of the grays.”
A Good Marriage, According To Hubby
Jan accuses me, claims I “have 2
Bad habits” that make her real blue:
Ev’ry thing that I say,
Each and ev-er-y day.
And all of the things that I do.
(pretty good, right?)
A restaurant not to harass.
Needed temperature checks to pass.
Those that said nay
Were turned away.
It identified pains in the ass.
An accusative Judge known as Ken,
Who believed in the guilt of all men,
Always welcomed the views
That he ought to recuse,
‘Cause to him it meant, “Blame them again!”
I’m retired but I’m still in my prime
And write Lim’ricks with jokes about crime.
My wife says “Oy vay, –
But you ain’t got all day
Fix the house, – or it’s me doin’ time”
Our dear Mad said use the word prime
For our limerick contest this time
Wow, it really is tough
To come up with this stuff
Hey, at least I got it to rhyme.
He goosed her when nobody looked.
She complained, and he duly was booked.
He now stews in jail
And tells his sad tale:
“Had some fun, but my goose now is cooked.”
New pet had a lump in it’s throat.
It clearly had telltale like bloat.
He had snacked on kids’ gerbil.
They’re shock and nonverbal.
The python had satisfied gloat.
Ball pythons most popular pet snake.
Accusations of crime aren’t fun.
But I’m fast, so all cops I outrun.
They never know shit.
Cuz I sprint with my kit:
“The Complete Bullet-Proof Smoking Gun”
In the case of a number that’s prime,
Division’s a big waste of time.
Go ahead, try to fleece
The mathematics police;
They’ll arrest you for being such slime.
Captain Jack, begging, down on his knees…
Charged with hiring bias, said, “Please!”
Seems his all female crew
All sopranos, mind you…
We’re the absolute best at high C’s!
Captain Jack, begging, down on his knees…
Charged with hiring bias, said, “Please!”
Seems his all female crew
All sopranos, mind you…
Were the absolute best at high C’s!
(Version with mutanous ‘apostrophe’ deleted…)
Lemonade, in the shade, cares forgetting…
Idle time, wagers placed, profits netting…
Jealous bro turned him in
With a Cheshire Cat grin
Trumped up charge was both “ade-ing/a-betting”…
After tackling “longitude/latitude,”
I have gained a more down-to-earth attitude:
When in search of a rhyme,
Skip meridian (prime).
Never too late to learn? It’s a platitude.
Oops – a re-write of my 1/28 5:09 pm post:
The time slots referred to as “prime”
Belong to those show hosts who climb
The ladder at Fox;
A channel that mocks
That virtue – three jerks at a time.
A cat burglar, well past his prime,
Bought a cheap lock-pick set, to save time.
He got busted. The cop
Asked him, “Where do you shop?”
He responded: “On Amazon Crime.”
“Goodbye Paradise”
“I know that you both ate the fruit.
Come clean and don’t try to look cute.
I’ve been on the beat.
I’m hip to deceit.
You’re the first ones I’ve had to impute.”
A naked lady in her prime.
Rode horseback through a pool of slime.
When she was asked why.
This was her reply.
“It makes no sense, but sure does rhyme”.
A person can toil a lifetime
At their job, till way past their prime.
At the end it’s not funny,
Cuz there is no money.
That work doesn’t pay is a crime.
Two quarterbacks – both in their prime
Have conquered the passage of time.
One passes the test
For humanity’s best;
The other has mountains to climb.
(Breaking news – one of them just retired)
Took the blame for forgetting again…
“Next time please write it down with a pen!”
Object of my appeal
A slick banana peel
Took the fall, can’t recall, now and then…
I admit that I’m way past my prime;
For that I blame nothing but time.
My wits are still keen
And I do vent my spleen –
Why the hell can’t I write a great rhyme?
My piano! A grand, man! It’s prime!
Dear Steinway, your voice is sublime!
I finger you often
And then we do morph in
To making lush music each time!
making reeds takes lots of time
the silken ladder is hard to climb
you’d be better off smashing plates
in a greek taverna serving steaks
whilst still young and in your prime
This property used to be prime;
It’s now covered with water and slime.
No longer my house,
I’ve no need to grouse;
I’d sold it for profit big time!
“You’re playing too loud,” Maitre blared.
But they tooted along – no one cared.
“You’ve ruined my piece,
This chaos must cease,”
And he hurled his own score crying “Merdre!”
“Decadent” as a suspect is prime
It has opposite meanings each time
Lush dessert ‘en flambe’
Or dead things in decay
Derelict and confusing it’s crime
Oops, typo correction Line 5
“You’re playing too loud,” Maitre blared.
But they tooted along – no one cared.
“You’ve ruined my piece,
This chaos must cease,”
And he hurled his own score, crying “Merde!”
When my hubby was fresh in his prime,
On the field, he could stop on a dime.
But now he’s a bore.
I can’t take any more.
It’s the hour of nut-cutting time.
Pharmacutical king EPIC PRIME
Touted ‘fountain-of-youth’ new enzyme
Not unlike Soylent Green
If you know what I mean…
Since it took lots of people and time…
They take her away in some cuffs.
And throw her in cell with the toughs.
A whole lot of drama,
For lack of a comma.
“Let’s marinade grandma,” she huffs.
I was fit when I was in my prime,
But the way I’ve gained weight is a crime.
Upon an inspection,
I guess my midsection
Can be called just a big waist of time.
A pastor, a bit of a slime,
Would give women steak for their time.
When he’d come their way,
The girls would all say,
“Oh my God! You’re Pastor Prime!”
We accuse, finger point, and we blame
Then we black list, call out, and defame
We know well sticks and stones
Blessed he who atones
Lest we’re wrong, either way, causes shame
The balloonist, deflated from flak
And accusers who stab-in-the-back
Over time, grew to love it
He just smiled, rose above it…
“THEY’RE all filled with ‘hot air’, let ’em yack!”
Europeans once found it hysterical
When science said Earth may be spherical.
Ancient Greeks in their prime
Had known this for some time,
Though Columbus would call it Americal.
The hick was grammatically crude.
He was also possessive, that dude.
She, a true New York native,
Didn’t want to be dative.
She was in accusative mood.
This week’s word, as accused, has gone stale
As its pace is like that of a snail…
We’ ll mush on, as a team
Thankful for, this week’s theme
May our creative juices prevail
We’re all hooked on the ‘limerick lure’
Some are great, but some stink like manure
Though we all think ours prime
We get paid by the rhyme
An addictive disease, there’s no cure…
Alfred Doolittle heard church bells chime.
His courage he now had to prime.
He had a stiff drink.
So, what do you think?
Did he still get to church right on time?
Said the sirloin in his marbled voice:
“Hey chuck, so you think you’re so choice.
But who’d give you a dime
When they see that I’m prime?
You’re an Edsel and I’m a Rolls Royce!”
Losing sleep from my trial, how it maims
My emotions; can’t eat; hopes in flames
Gladly trade anorexia
For some smooth ataraxia
Hope the judge, too, won’t ‘swallow’ their claims
He said, “Baby, I’m in my prime”
That “Match Love” is just so sublime.
Well, that’s what I thought.
The next day I was fraught.
He wasn’t so prime in real time.
A blade to my leg “wifey” hurled.
(a tool that is groovy and knurled.)
Accused of deceit,
I said, “Yes, we do meet;
But not in the physical world”
They claimed he had taken their truck
For joyriding out in the muck.
“No listen – you see,
It was Jason and Brie;
I went there to get them unstuck.”
Adam’s rib, quintessentially prime
On the eve of Eve’s new paradigm
God said, “Gosh, you’re persistent
Though I’m somewhat resistant
You’ll get just what you asked for this time!”
I once ordered steak at the Prime
Expecting it to be sublime.
That bistro was horrid,
Tyrannosaurid!
And def’nitely not worth my time.
Adam’s rib, quintessentially prime
On the eve of Eve’s new paradigm
God said, “Gosh, you’re persistent
Though I’m somewhat resistant
You’ll get MORE than you asked for this time
(More or less accurate version…)
Always trying to put me to shame,
Ev’ry night it’s exactly the same.
It concerns accusations
With false allegations:
A face-off well-known as “blame game.”
A moment in time: 2nd Feb. 22.
Today’s Date says it’s 2-2-22
About which some folk make much ado.
While this date in its prime
Is the cause for this rhyme,
Good reasons to write it are few.
Punxy Phil, with his hair kinda squirrelly
Was accused by a man who said, “Surely!
Got yourself quite a gig
For a damn Whistle-Pig
Who just claimed that our Spring won’t come early!”
Said Donald, “I can’t stand rejection,
So I claim that they stole the election.
But I’m still loved by Putin,
And soon, sure as shootin’,
In Moscow I’ll have an erection.”
A bad hair day – he’d like to forget it…
His long-legged bird friends said, “Don’t sweat it”
He accused them, face red
(while he’d slept, shaved his head…)
Without any heron, they’d egret it!
Regarding this notion of “prime”,
The concept is saying that I’m
Either in it or past;
It’s not going to last.
‘Til then, I’m just hiding my time.
Oh Is This The Truth! “My True-To Life Daily Interactions”
“Senior Hill’ has an ongoing theme.
I’m accused to a mad’ning extreme.
I yell, “Can you hear?”
They sneer, “Of course, dear”
(Yeah, right) All day long I must SCREAM!
A fellow who’s well past his prime,
Once was known for his kisses sublime.
Women came by the score;
Every night at least four.
But now they come one at a time.
In a round-a-bout way they were right
They accused him of throwing the fight
His left hooks just found air
Like he just didn’t care
And his punch-lines weren’t funny all night…
We’re polluting our planet – Not ok!
A legacy our kids must pay.
Eight million pieces
Of plastic releases,
Into our oceans each day.
You know that King Kong, that great primate,
Did once up a skyscraper climb, mate.
He’d been much abused
And of false crimes accused,
Though bananas were all that this prime ate.
John Tyler Bonner: American Scientist, Study of Evolution
1920-2019
The unfolding of man was his prime
Great passion and thus, over time
(Although this sounds yucky)
Mr. Bonner got lucky.
Spent his life fully covered in slime.
So dried-up and tough was the prime,
That I choked on each bite ev’ry time.
When I quipped to my host,
That I’d rather have toast,
His response was “Okay, then — L’chaim!”
DC football has gone through some paces
Since accused of offending some races
Now ‘Commanders’ the pick
Nickname ‘Commies’ might stick…
Apropos for the namers’ red faces
Found unlimited version, hooray!
I’m calling in sick, for today.
Excuse their not buying
Accused that I’m lying,
Addiction to Wordle, yes way.
Yes! There is Wordle Unlimited game on line.
Yes! It’s addictive.
For Sjaan,
Mon Dieu, said my tormented ma.
Be tolerant of your old pa.
His faux pas might be serious,
When he’s drunk and delirious.
I agreed, and Je ne l’accuse pas.
The Beijing winter games paradox…
What to do with two bad, unmatched socks
Claims of NO humans rights
Should let NO one sleep nights
On thin ice, first step out of the blocks…
There’s “Free speech” and “Incitement to riot”,
On the latter should we stay quiet?
Trump’s continual crime
Is trying to prime
Those unthinking folk who will buy it.
Left or right, riots stink, causing strains
Don’t blame only one side, have some brains…
Some half blind, just won’t see
Judge it objectively
Till we do, verdict’s still “free dumb rains”…
‘Breaking news’ between wives and their spouses
A perpetual lit’ny of grouses…
Don’t you cuss, it’s a sin
Left the seat up agin…
We don’t git we all live in glass houses…
Our Prime Minister’s not in his prime
‘Too little – too late’ is his crime.
Promotes half-baked notions;
Just goes through the motions
That show us he can’t even mime.
Let’s blame English for being absurd!
We split hairs over one little word…
The word ‘righteous’, to some
Comes out ‘riotous’ (and dumb…)
The ball dropped with this ‘faulty catch-word’
I’m now blaming myself, and I’m queasy…
36 limericks wasn’t easy
Yes, I added them twice
And against all advice
But I think I’ve got 2 more than Lisi…
I’ll write just one more lim’rick – abort!
Blamed for exceeding quota, for sport…
APB for this charge
But I’m still free, at large
Relax, even the bad ones are short…
In a world filled with hatred and spite
Lesson 1: A ‘”bark’s”worse with no ‘”bite”…
What can hurt’s a false claim
And the ‘push-buttons’ game
Lesson 2: All opinions aren’t “right”…
Babysitting got rough – chipped my tooth…
Killed the pain with six shots of vermouth
Shaw’s apt quote, ‘with a twist’…
(I’m to blame, won’t resist…)
Yes, “adulthood gets wasted on youth!”
While nine tenths of the law is possession
I’ll assert with a sincere confession
Though I’m guilty as charged
(lim’rick gland is enlarged…)
What I’m guilty of’s more like obsession
For Rudy,
As a kid, I learned French in the cah.
Blame those road trips from Boston — too fah!
I’d moan, “Aren’t we there yet?”
And my mother, Yvette,
Would begin each response with “Tais toi!”
Tweak to earlier Lim.
Only odd numbers are prime,
Except one not odd anytime.
Not odd one is 2,
Seems odd but it’s true.
An even one’s prime this one time.
Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
So now we’re doing them in FRENCH? “Accusations”
Accused of “Pathetic Francaise”,
Put me right in “The Pokey Marseille”
Now I’m back in The States.
No more lock-up awaits.
That trip was a mess, Oy La Vey”
A mathematician cried ‘Blast!
The age that I’ve reached now is vast.
I’ve lived through such time
That I’m well past my prime.
Eighty-nine is the prime that I’m past!’
Now Santa Claus finds life sublime,
And he has such a merry old time,
As he’s nothing to do,
And his work days are through,
Since he sold out to Amazon Prime.
A strapping young man in his prime.
Dated Liz, for a good time.
She slapped with her hankie,
Said no hanky-panky.
Not unless wedding bells chime.
For Rudy and Sjaan: More French; This one is better than previous.
Accused of “Pathetic Francaise”,
I landed in “Slammer Marseille”
Now I’m back in The States.
Goodbye dire straits.
That trip was a mess; Oy La Vey!
When exposed as a sleazeball of slime,
And accused of all manner of crime,
Our slippery, sinister
So-called Prime Minister
Seemed to be somewhat sub-Prime.
The little boy sniffled – accused;
His leniency pleas fast refused.
Choc’late evidence there
In his hair, ev’rywhere!
His mother was mad, not amused.
Finish up, pencils down, it’s now time…
To conclude this contest with a rhyme
Clever LIMs did exude
And we now must conclude
Some of us haven’t yet reached our prime…
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 488. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Wear.