Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BOLD or BOWLED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 22, 2022 )

It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.

I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BOLD or BOWLED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)

The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)

Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to INJURIES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best INJURY-related limerick.

How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)

I’ll announce the winners on January 23, 2022, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 22, 2022 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)

Here’s my BOLD or BOWLED-rhyme limerick:

“You are scantily clad, which is bold,
Cuz I’ve just been outside, and it’s cold.
Your dress seems designed
To freeze your behind,
So you’d best put that ‘hot’ garb on hold.”

And here’s my INJURY-themed limerick:

A young man hurled a tool and yelled, “Catch it.”
And his friend somehow managed to snatch it,
But he’s terribly mad;
He was injured. It’s bad!
No surprise, he won’t bury the hatchet.

Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

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238 Responses to “Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BOLD or BOWLED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 22, 2022 )”

  1. Lisi Nortman says:

    As a senior, I know how it goes.
    I can’t even put on my hose.
    My bones are so frail,
    I try, but I fail.
    And repeatedly break all my toes.

  2. Lisi Nortman says:

    At “Shriveled Up Place” where I dwell,
    There are so many stories to tell.
    On a typical day
    Each one starts this way:
    “Did ev’ry one hear who just fell?”

  3. Jeff Stokes says:

    A Knight of the Realm, strong and bold,
    His squire ne’er did what he was told.
    Left his suit by a tree,
    While he went off to pee.
    When he came back, his armour was sold.

  4. Loading my car with a sack.
    Then painful immediate whack.
    The cart took a roll,
    My toe took the toll.
    X-ray shows minuscule crack.

  5. It was sixty plus tip that I doled.
    As a kid, my first perm, I was sold.
    But the haircut looked stark,
    A circular arc.
    Guess you can say I was bowled.

  6. Paul Haebig says:

    Jim thinks way outside of the box.
    His footwear is unorthodox.
    His choices are bold
    but they leave his toes cold
    which is why he wears socks with his Crocs!

  7. Terry Marter says:

    Premature Appreciation.

    He survived the long fall to the ground,
    but had broken both arms (hit a mound).
    He was hauled by his teeth,
    from the chasm beneath,
    and said “Tha-a-a-anks…” – with diminishing sound!

  8. Lisi Nortman says:

    I have frightening feelings of dread.
    And unsettling thoughts in my head.
    What’s more, I am old.
    But today I was bold.
    And actually got out of bed.

  9. Terry Marter says:

    His pet parrot developed a lurch, –
    The result of its most recent search:
    Found a liquor most rare
    By his master’s arm-chair
    Then got legless and fell off his perch.

  10. Terry Marter says:

    Happy Daze?

    My kids said “Let’s go on this swing”
    as it flew from their hands to my shin
    From my face-downward splat
    I can still recall that
    they said “Dad, you’ve got blood on your chin”

  11. Terry Marter says:

    To eat and live well is my goal,
    and not flip when I need self control.
    But pancake sweet batter?
    – A whole other matter:
    A coin-toss to lick-out that bowl.

  12. Wildman says:

    Some rogue sheep saw the fence unpatrolled
    To escape, found a scapegoat, so bold
    Catapult did release
    O’er the fence, at a crease
    Due to head wind he’s ‘back in the fold’…

  13. Wildman says:

    Jury hung, with the verdict now due…
    Tension high, twelve divided in two
    Tempers flaired, breaking peace
    Verbal barbs didn’t cease
    Adding insult to in-jury too

  14. Brian Allgar says:

    The Donald’s announcement was bold:
    “It’s no worse than the’flu or a cold!”
    Tens of thousands would die
    From the cynical lie
    That his mindless supporters were told.

  15. Sharon Neeman says:

    Lehrer sang (let us give him his due)
    How a maid cut her brother in two,
    But he needs to be told
    That was stupid, not bold:
    Kids are best as a roast, not a stew.

  16. Sharon Neeman says:

    Last week I engaged in a tryst
    On a cruise, in a bunk with a list —
    But I fell out of bed,
    Got a bump on my head,
    And sustained a bad sprain of my wrist.

  17. Wildman says:

    Some LIMs leave me in stitches I’d say
    Others painful, get carried away…
    Sometimes pride takes a beating
    Feelings hurt bears repeating
    But we’ll claim no more inj’ries today!

  18. Wildman says:

    Craftsman Woody works magic with pine
    Got behind on his pro-duction line
    So he sawed twice as fast
    Thought it fun, had a blast
    Till he got home from work with just nine…

  19. Wildman says:

    Gunter Bohl’s story needs to be told
    Worked the lanes from age 15 years old
    Told his boss, “Take a hike!”
    When he went out on strike
    (got a 300 score when he bowled)

  20. Mike Young says:

    With Mad Kane each story she’s told
    Gives an image that’s hard to behold
    We look many times
    Through her difficult rhymes
    Which are all unbelievably bold!

  21. Mike Young says:

    INJURIES
    He’s well-known as a local pervert
    Who once threw a knife at my shirt.
    Anesthetic was splayed
    On each side of the blade
    So I claimed I was injured not hurt.

  22. Steve Benko says:

    “In this contest, near rhymes leave me cold;
    Before winning with one, you’ll get old,”
    Says Madeleine. “Try
    Not to go so awry,
    But with puns,” she says, “over I’m bowled.”

  23. This year, origami’s my thing.
    Make a swan, or a dragon or king.
    Go basic or bold,
    Be precise with the fold.
    Small hazard, the paper cut sting.

  24. Kirk Miller says:

    The new magazine’s concept was bold.
    Origami designs would be sold.
    But subscribers were few,
    So the publisher knew
    After only one issue, they’d fold.

  25. Kirk Miller says:

    So the people at work always know,
    At the job site’s a sign that does show
    They’ve been injury-free
    Since two thousand and three.
    Is such safety an accident? No!

  26. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Lady Longhorn, one hundred years old,
    Breathed her last as her lover took hold.
    He, not noticing this,
    Said, when planting a kiss,
    “Why so cold, if I may be so bold?”

  27. Dave Johnson says:

    (From the sports page)

    That quarterback couldn’t resist;
    Resulting in games that he’s missed.
    Those treatments were sought
    For the “ailments” he brought;
    With groin pulls on top of the list.

  28. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    I’ve a “bucket list” yet to unfold,
    Filled exploits, at best left on hold.
    There is still much to do,
    I don’t look forward to,
    So, thank goodness, I’ve already bowled.

  29. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    LOL! to Christine and Kirk. (I’d like to join the fold)

    Origami, all creases and flaps,
    Is for people, like me, full of traps.
    Once I suffered a strain,
    As I worked on a crane.
    (That’s a whole different union, perhaps).

  30. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Correction for “bucket list” typo. (should NOT type with thumbs)

    I’ve a “bucket list” yet to unfold,
    Filled with exploits, at best left on hold.
    There is still much to do,
    I don’t look forward to,
    So, thank goodness, I’ve already bowled.

  31. Lisi Nortman says:

    “From one to ten is the way how
    We access how your gash feels right now.
    What’s that you’re conveying?
    Just what are you saying?”
    “What number explains the word OW?”

  32. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Oh My Aching Neck”

    I guess this is very in keeping
    With aging, but still I am weeping.
    Never happened, when younger.
    For those days, how I hunger.
    I injure myself while I’m sleeping.

  33. Lisi Nortman says:

    “The Bold and the Beautiful” a soap opera on CBS

    The “Bold and the Beautiful” mold
    Is one of mystique uncontrolled.
    I used to be pretty,
    Alluring and witty.
    But now I am beautifully bold.

  34. Fred Bortz says:

    Injury theme:

    That girl is a terrible flirt.
    She seduces, then treats men like dirt.
    But someday she’ll cry
    When she fools the wrong guy
    And ends up in a world full of hurt

  35. Dave Johnson says:

    A cougar babe – brassy and bold,
    Enticing a guy half as old,
    Extended her hand
    In a manner so grand,
    He asked her “to have and to hold.”

  36. Fred Bortz says:

    In opera, a story is told
    Of archers who went for gold.
    Their arrows were true,
    And their bowling balls, too.
    Thus the title: For Whom the Tells Bowled.

  37. Lisi Nortman says:

    Injury: Open Mind

    With an open mind, there is no doubt
    You’re unbiased, completely throughout.
    I was always that way
    Till that terrible day,
    Without warning, my brain just fell out.

  38. Lisi Nortman says:

    Finding The Right Man

    My wisdom is precious as gold:
    You might think he’s a sight to behold.
    He may not be for you
    If he’s the kind who
    Leaves the bumpers up each time he’s bowled.

  39. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When a salesman says, “You’re not too old!”
    What a nice bill of goods I’ve been sold.
    There are lines with fine print,
    But what’s in them? No hint,
    Because all I can see are the bold.

  40. Lisi Nortman says:

    OOPS! I used the wrong word in my limerick today from 5:03 PM
    I meant to type “assess” but I typed “access” (L2)

    “From one to ten is the way how
    We assess how your gash feels right now.
    What’s that you’re conveying?
    Just what are you saying?”
    “What number explains the word OW?”

  41. Lisi Nortman says:

    Bowling: Not a sport for Germophobes

    There’s a bowling place right in our mall.
    The last time I went I recall:
    Who before me had bowled?
    Was he young? Was he old?
    Just whose fingers were right in this ball?

  42. Tanja Cilia says:

    If you jump off the top of a hill
    The experience will make you quite ill
    Motion sickness and sprains
    Broken bones and more pains
    And a megabucks physician’s bill

  43. Tanja Cilia says:

    Sans-serif, or Helvetia in bold
    Who cares, if the story is told?
    Edward Elric’s the name
    Chrysopoeia’s the game
    To make copper transmute into gold.

  44. Lisi Nortman says:

    One day it was dreadfully cold,
    So Jane and I gleefully strolled
    Into “Bowling’s The Best”
    And I sure was impressed
    To see people could eat while they bowled.

  45. Steve Benko says:

    If twelve strikes in a row you have bowled,
    That’s perfect, or so I am told.
    In my youth ‘fore I wed
    I did likewise in bed
    Till on marriage I somehow got sold.

  46. Fred Bortz says:

    Sharon Neeman, shall we sing together?

    In Tom Lehrer’s song we are told
    Of a maiden whose heart is so cold
    That with every verse
    Her depraved acts got worse.
    Yes sharing that ballad is bold.

    Another verse to follow

  47. Fred Bortz says:

    Yes Rickety Tickety Tin
    Is a maiden whose actions have been,
    Like Lizzie’s before her
    (And we cannot ignore her),
    Injurious, and maybe a sin.

  48. Fred Bortz says:

    A little rhythm repair:

    Yes Rickety Tickety Tin
    Is a maiden whose actions have been,
    Like Lizzie’s before her
    (We cannot ignore her),
    Injur-yus, and maybe a sin.

  49. Sharon Neeman says:

    A boll’s a seed vessel, I’m told;
    And “seedy” means “shabby and old”;
    When I’ve worked half the night
    And I look quite a fright,
    I take pleasure in saying I’m bolled.

  50. Doug Harris says:

    There are pilots a-plenty quite old
    And those aerobatic’ly bold.
    But so say the oath
    That you cannot have both –
    The inquest’s on Tuesday I’m told …

  51. Doug Harris says:

    There’s many a tendon I’ve nursed
    And how often I’ve landed head-first.
    But likely dismissed
    From the injury list –
    A bruised ego is prob’ly the worst!

  52. There was a poet getting old
    who took to becoming less bold
    thinking far less sedition
    and phoning in competitions
    and if anyone cared, he weren’t told.

  53. Rudy Landesman says:

    On the Champs-Élysées I once strolled.
    I was young and I was very bold.
    Though I did not speak French,
    I met a French wench.
    And the rest of this shouldn’t be told.

  54. Rudy Landesman says:

    I played tennis, I skied and I bowled,
    Rode a bike in the heat and the cold.
    But now as a rule
    I play pocket pool.
    Just try it. You’re never too old.

  55. Jackie Chou says:

    There’s this cat who’s sort of bold
    He demands to be poemed in gold
    Forgetting the days he was a stray
    In the backyard where he’d stay
    Now he’s used to all his meals bowled

  56. Wildman says:

    In my Oculus world of illusion
    I selected the game called ‘Confusion’
    Oh, I scored pretty well
    Till I spun and then fell
    A new level achieved, called ‘Contusion’…

  57. Lisi Nortman says:

    Injury

    I told her a joint I have rolled.
    She rushed over as if it were gold.
    My ankle was twisted.
    She gladly assisted.
    Then suddenly knocked me out cold.

  58. Steve Benko says:

    “Are you injured? Hire me, and we’ll sue!”
    Said the billboard in red, white, and blue.
    “The American way
    Is to make someone pay;
    You’ll get rich, and your lawyer will, too!”

  59. Dave Johnson says:

    A porn film director named Rob
    Was known for the insults he’d lob.
    One time, way back when,
    He kept yelling at Ken
    For limping along on the job.

  60. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Though my housemate was eager to scat,
    She returned in ten minutes, if that,
    Crying, “I just got rolled!”
    I said, “Goodness, you’re bold.
    I can’t do it that way. I lie flat.”

  61. Lisi Nortman says:

    The clown who we call “Floppy Bob”
    Broke his funny bone; started to sob.
    I said, “Don’t be sad,
    It can’t be that bad.”
    He replied, I have just lost my job'”

  62. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was treated for real bad bronchitis.
    Then the doctor detected arthritis.
    But the wound on my finger
    Was sure a humdinger:
    A sore know as “callbuttonitis”

  63. Roger Haugen says:

    The mugger cried out: “No more, please!”
    As he cowered in pain on his knees;
    Was soft in the head,
    Or maybe brain-dead,
    To think he could injure Louise.

  64. Roger Haugen says:

    He thought it was really a breeze
    To zip down the slope on his skis;
    Just as he yelled “Whee!”
    Up popped a big tree,
    And now he has two injured knees.

  65. Lisi Nortman says:

    Saw them coming, and there were a-plenny
    I’d say they were all about twenny.
    Slashed my eyes; made me blind.
    It was then hard to find
    My fluky and charmed lucky penny.

  66. Clay Wild says:

    Crystal Ball Super Bowl LVI…

    “I do claim, if I may be so bold
    That the score, pre-game CAN be foretold!”
    “Hundred bucks says you can’t
    Follow through with that rant!”
    “Pay up now – nil to nil!”, I cajoled…

  67. Clay Wild says:

    My in-jury took place in the court…
    For my service, I’m proud to report
    I survived the Voir Dire
    But it soon became clear
    Run-on sentences truly aren’t short!

  68. Clay Wild says:

    Which is harder, my close friend cajoled
    Hole-in-one, or twelve strikes when you bowled?
    I can answer that fast
    It’s whichever comes last…
    And he had to admit he was SOLD!

  69. Lisi Nortman says:

    Doctor Says:

    “Your head injury’s still quite revealing.
    I hope that you soon will be healing.
    And soon as you leave,
    I know you won’t grieve
    If your start raising up your damn ceiling.”

  70. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    A fish who was recently polled,
    Said he’d rather be poled than be bowled.
    “If I end up in batter,
    The latter won’t matter,
    Which simplifies life, so I’m told.”

  71. I am secretly pleased that the limb
    That I injured today at the gym
    Needs a rest, ‘cause truth told,
    I’m decrepit and old
    And this spandex look’s getting quite grim.

  72. I’ve been trying to work up the guts
    To warn you: Stop eating those Utz!
    At the pace you are going,
    If you don’t start slowing,
    Down soon you’ll have grown double butts!

  73. Wildman says:

    So a bowler donned a bowler, then bowled
    “But you can’t wear a hat here!”, he was told
    Lucky Strike was his name
    Turkeyed out the last frame
    Made his ‘hat trick’ well worth the stern scold

  74. Tony Holmes says:

    A young ram, introduced to the fold,
    Thought he’d win the ewes over if bold:
    But the ladies, en masse,
    Took offence at his brass,
    And asserted their right to withhold.

  75. Tony Holmes says:

    It’s the termagant’s pleasure to scold.
    And her husband? He dare not be bold.
    Should he once raise his voice,
    Or worse, exercise choice,
    He will doubtless be punished fourfold.

  76. Rudy Landesman says:

    I once met a buxom young lass,
    Who was pretty and smart and had class.
    But I must add sadly,
    She injured me badly.
    She gave me a pain in the ass.

  77. Loyd Dillon says:

    Could the wearer of a bowler be called “bowled”?
    That only seems logical, I’m told.
    But it just wouldn’t matter
    To a struggling hatter
    Wanting his “headware shop” goods to be…sold.

  78. Rudy Landesman says:

    My critics all cavil and scold.
    My writing, they say, is too bold.
    But I will be kind.
    “Y’all PLEASE clear your mind
    Of cobwebs and mildew and mold.”

  79. Lisi Nortman says:

    Apparently, “Sweet’s never bowled.
    I explained it and then clearly told
    Her, “You have to rent shoes.”
    She said, “Think I’ll choose
    Some Prada pumps, hope they have gold.”

  80. Tim James says:

    The gal was especially bold.
    Of my hands she had taken firm hold
    And pressed both to her breast.
    I then made a request:
    “May I take a brief rest?” (God I’m old.)

  81. Lisi Nortman says:

    If you’re injured, and just can’t endure
    The pain, you must always make sure
    To go see your “Doc”
    Do not count on the crock
    Which is known as the Internet Cure.

  82. Roger Haugen says:

    Said the ram to his pal, “I’ve been told
    ‘There’s a flock of hot girls in that fold;
    ‘Why screw just one ewe?
    ‘I’m up for a few–
    ‘No time to be sheepish, but bold!”

  83. Roger Haugen says:

    His triumph, he told and re-told
    To friends, for whom it got old;
    The same worn-out story
    Of long-ago glory–
    The one perfect game that he bowled.

  84. Tony Holmes says:

    “Them there wenches of Stow-On-The-Wold, (Yes, it does exist.)
    I’ve ‘eard tell they be wantonly bold”
    “You belay that report!
    They be none o’ the sort.
    As it happens, they’m prissy, and scold.”

  85. David Friedman says:

    The mom seagull said, “Kids be bold,
    By humans do not be cajoled,
    Beware wings that flap
    It may be a trap
    For not all that flitters is gulled.”

  86. David Friedman says:

    If you wake up ill, just be bold
    It may be your fate’s not foretold;
    Your throat raw and sore
    Could be Covid, sure
    But maybe it’s just a damn cold.

  87. David Friedman says:

    When the jester fell down on his ass,
    Part of him stayed in a mass
    But part of him broke
    And so the king spoke:
    “We now know the fool is half glass!”

  88. David Friedman says:

    A robber named Jess James Borters
    Ran into the mint, screaming orders:
    “I want all the loot!”
    Then he fell down a chute
    And was horribly sliced into quarters.

  89. David Friedman says:

    A knight cuts the dick off a dragon
    And wheels it around in a wagon
    The dragon ignites
    The once cocky knight’s
    Which puts a quick end to his braggin’.

  90. David Friedman says:

    There once was a fellow named Gore
    Whose nuts got shot off in the war
    He said, “Have no fears,
    I’m married 10 years
    So don’t really need ’em no more.”

  91. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    i’ve got selling on eBay down cold.
    My best bargains I highlight in bold.
    Say, can anyone use
    My GREAT GRANDPAPPY’S SHOES?
    I have sev’ral pairs left that aren’t sold.

    (Coming soon to Limerick-Off: MAD’s ADS!)

  92. Clay Wild says:

    Plaintiff ‘Tonto’ felt injured and shamed
    The Lone Ranger, his ‘pal’, had defamed…
    ‘Faithful Friend’ his intent
    “Idiot’s” what it meant…
    Kemosabe ‘no sabe’, he claimed

  93. Lisi Nortman says:

    Mr. Hunk becomes Mr. Shrunk

    I had abs, I had pecs, I was bold.
    I never did what I was told.
    Years have passed, I have changed.
    I’m so rearranged
    And my body is overly rolled.

  94. Wildman says:

    Ain’t been used in this ‘test, so I’m told…
    It’s the vague and elusive word “bolled”…
    It’s related to flax…
    Thems the limited facts…
    I’ve tried Info-Line – I’m still on hold…

  95. Lisi Nortman says:

    “I want to go home to Mommy”

    Joined the Navy, and boy! I was burly!
    The guy in charge, wow! he was surly.!
    I thought I was bold.
    But Man! it was cold.
    And we had to wake up so damn early.

  96. Terry Marter says:

    If you’re writing a letter to scold
    Use a font that is both hard and cold.
    For your message to “shout”
    And Mean it, – with clout,
    Use all-cap’s Helvetica Bold.

  97. Lisi Nortman says:

    Joined the Navy, I went with my brotha’
    We’re He-Men! and ain’t like no otha’
    We tried to be bold,
    But became uncontrolled.
    When the leader said, “I’m Not Your MOTHA”

  98. Lisi Nortman says:

    It’s been 75 dates! It’s not that hard!

    If your date grabbed the ball and then hurled
    And all that it did was just twirled.
    She sure never has bowled.
    And you’re totally sold
    That she’s here from some alien world.

  99. Roger Haugen says:

    The balls that errantly rolled
    Each time he stepped up and bowled,
    Wound up in the gutter,
    Causing team-mates to mutter,
    “Face it, the guy’s just too old.”

  100. Roger Haugen says:

    His friends thought him overly bold,
    For hiking in sub-zero cold;
    “What’s tough about this?
    ‘It won’t freeze my piss–
    ‘I can void it or put it on hold.”

  101. Terry Marter says:

    A performer that we went to see,
    hurled a boom’rang past row 43.
    He called “Will it come back?”
    A big biker in black
    yelled “It Will if it Fuckin’ hits Me!”

  102. Terry Marter says:

    Guess who?

    He’s audaciously vulgar and bold
    with a heart so remorseless and cold.
    But always there’s hope
    cuz we know that this dope
    Has been so many million times LOL‘d.

  103. James Mac Hale says:

    “Half a loaf is preferred to no bread”?
    I fear proverbs are turned on their head –
    For we used to be told
    “Fortune favors the bold”
    But the bold favor fortunes instead.

  104. James Mac Hale says:

    “Lady cricketers? Crap!” he cajoled.
    Shrugging her shoulders, eyes rolled,
    She picked up a rock
    Then aimed for his cock
    And so bowled her own boulder, so bold!

  105. James Mac Hale says:

    Which author both daring and bold
    Of betrayal and subterfuge told?
    A spy thriller? I’d say
    I’d pick John Le Carre –
    And “The Spy who came in from the Cold”

  106. Tony Holmes says:

    As Sir Francis took aim for the jack,
    The Armada was sighted. “Change tack!”
    “Not until I have bowled!”
    So the story is told,
    But ‘tis thought he went straight to attack.

  107. Tony Holmes says:

    “On asserting myself I’m not sold.
    I don’t know that I want to be bold.
    Is that okay with you?
    Well if not, then go screw!
    I would rather just do as I’m told.”

  108. The sweater, a gift from aunt Claire.
    Mom said, “You write her than wear.”
    It was ugly and old,
    Got stubborn and bold.
    And answered my Mom, “Well aware.”

  109. Bob Turvey says:

    No – they can’t replace heroes of old,
    Like Fleming. So clever. So bold.
    It must have been thrillin’
    To find penicillin –
    After making him God broke the mould.

  110. Bob Turvey says:

    I was once on a jury in Stoke.
    The accused was a bearded black bloke.
    I said, “That hairy ‘un
    Isn’t an Aryan.”
    It’s not a bad ‘in-jury’ joke.

  111. Steve Benko says:

    Said Ernie one day, “Don’t be hurt,
    But I’ve found someone new. Sorry, Bert.
    His hand up my butt
    All the way to my gut
    Makes me feel more alive, less inert.”

  112. Bob Turvey says:

    A stuttering oarsman called Jorrocks
    One day caught his balls on the rowlocks,
    And though in great pain,
    Merely said, with restrain,
    “Oh f-f-f-f-f-f- bollocks!”

  113. Bob Turvey says:

    A young man working nude near a mangle
    Had his cock pulled in by a clothes tangle.
    When the pain fin’lly went
    It was flattened and bent
    And all it can now do is dangle.

  114. Bob Turvey says:

    Young Jane, a pole dancer “très chic”,
    Was performing on stage, when a freak
    Break of the pole,
    Caused an injury droll,
    And she couldn’t sit down for a week.

  115. Dave Johnson says:

    Comedians easily mock
    Trump’s MAGA wing-nuts as they talk.
    The crowd he commands
    Has some blood on its hands;
    From knuckles that drag when they walk.

  116. Lisi Nortman says:

    I ran into Phyllis today.
    No one told me her hair was so gray.
    I’m glad the E.R.
    Wasn’t really that far.
    “Doc” Jones said I’ll soon be okay.

  117. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    When his “urges” became more resurgent,
    Cetain pleas to his wife grew more urgent:
    “Now that I’m growing old,
    I will need to get bold…”
    So she bought him a box of detergent.

  118. Lisi Nortman says:

    To the tree, I so steadfastly clung.
    It felt like somehow I was stung.
    I looked up; saw a tabby.
    Who seemed rather crabby.
    I guess that the cat got my tongue.

  119. Lisi Nortman says:

    I fell head over heels meeting Mary.
    She looked like a delicate fairy!
    She just made me collapse.
    I think that perhaps
    The next time I’ll be much more wary.

  120. James Mac Hale says:

    Injun story that beggars belief:
    – Constipation in need of relief.
    – Told Doc “Big Chief, no fart”.
    – On pills Doc did him start.
    – Three days later ‘twas “Big Fart, No Chief”!

  121. Dave Johnson says:

    Those swingers’ beach clients were sold
    On sunsets – both vivid and bold.
    Then later that night
    With the moon shining bright,
    New members came into the fold.

  122. Lisi Nortman says:

    What a wound, you should see how I bled.
    Even worse, in the very next bed:
    A heart-breaking case,
    Oh, what a disgrace!
    A gingerbread man with no head!

  123. Lisi Nortman says:

    The Super Bowl might disappear.
    The injuries, very severe!
    The E.R’s so busy
    All the doctors are dizzy
    Healing cuts from those sharp cans of beer.

  124. Lisi Nortman says:

    When you fell, Sir, were you all alone?
    Bulging out, is a very weird bone!
    I will help, you’re a wreck!
    Can you just wait one sec?
    Gotta get this cool scene on my phone.

  125. James Mac Hale says:

    Australia’s PM’s getting bold.
    Deportation he wants to uphold.
    He appealed to the court
    To ban Novax from sport
    But Novax has now been paroled.

  126. Lisi Nortman says:

    I Always DO THIS!!

    Right after our final embrace,
    I realize it’s cold in our place.
    So I pull up the spread
    Right over my head.
    Then I punch myself right in the face.

  127. Lisi Nortman says:

    Some embarrassing moments, I’ll share.
    I’m a klutz, so I must be aware
    Of not tripping and slipping.
    I always am flipping.
    But what kind of schmuck chokes on air?

  128. Ken Gosse says:

    Clearly inspired by Mad’s limerick:
    Reaching for the Gold ~
    Your scanties weren’t mine to behold
    but I stared as if they were pure gold:
    both befront and behind
    captivated my mind!
    My wife stopped me when I seemed too bold.

  129. Tim James says:

    I’d prefer to disarm a grenade —
    While I shaved with a scimitar blade —
    Over bathing my cat.
    If I tried to do that
    I would need a full-body band-aid.

  130. Davud W. Hodges says:

    Mad Kane’s challenges make my head ache.
    Worked for hours on this with no break.
    Then in horror I BAWLED
    and scratched my head BALD
    when I saw my dyslexic mistake.

  131. James Mac Hale says:

    Hey man, the dude abides!

    For any of you who have bowled
    Or has otherwise bowling balls rolled
    You have to go see
    “The Big Lebowski”
    While on drugs, or even stone cold

  132. Steve Benko says:

    The star athlete was injury-prone;
    He made millions, but broke every bone.
    Just by standing to pee,
    He could shatter a knee,
    Or his teeth on a soft ice cream cone.

  133. James Mac Hale says:

    Or have otherwise bowling balls rolled
    (grammar)

  134. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Annual Injury Check(up) List

    It was winter or spring (a close call),
    Dodged a bullet, that’s all, at the mall.
    I got hit by a Hummer
    last summer — I’m numb-er.
    But I didn’t get hurt in the fall.

  135. Lisi Nortman says:

    “Jack and Jill” Visit The Doctor

    Jack went skiing, (now wearing a frown)
    Doctor Tumble said, “Jack broke his crown.”
    Jill said, “He’d had wine
    And could not read the sign:
    “Do Not Let Common Sense Slow You Down”

  136. Lisi Nortman says:

    Hubby Complains:

    “I wish we were both in the black.
    A laptop is somethin’ we lack.
    I’ve got a bad sprain.
    I’m in terrible pain.
    This foottop is killin’ my back.”

  137. Lisi Nortman says:

    Dear Mad’leine, well, lo and behold!
    It’s time that the truth must be told!
    So desperate am I,
    That I asked some strange guy,
    “Excuse me, have you ever bowled?”

  138. Lisi Nortman says:

    At first, Millie thought she would drown.
    Her face had one glowering frown.
    Her legs painfully up,
    All because this dumb schmuck
    Neglected to put the seat down.

  139. Have book and I’m ready, be bold.
    Put creases in places where told.
    It’s coming to light.
    This idea’s not bright.
    Origami my body, I fold.

  140. David Friedman says:

    There once was a fellow named Bud
    Who told his wife she was a dud.
    There was no repercussion
    Save for the concussion,
    Castration, prostration, and blood.

  141. David Friedman says:

    My coccyx I broke this week past
    I’m learning who my friends are fast;
    It seems there’s a dearth
    Of people on earth
    Who will write loving thoughts on my cast.

  142. Rudy Landesman says:

    Three hundred, I never have bowled.
    Though to Satan my soul I have sold.
    I bowl right handed, y’all,
    And I’d give my left ball
    For just one more crack at the gold.

  143. Rudy Landesman says:

    Cupid’s arrow has done me much harm.
    That fool missed my heart, hit my arm.
    I simply could die.
    My love’s gone awry
    To a schoolmarm without any charm.

  144. Tony Holmes says:

    “She’s a goddess! A sight to behold.
    Would a frontal approach be too bold?
    That I’m keen would be clear,
    Far too much so, I fear.
    P’raps a shower would be good – if it’s cold.”

  145. They left always precisely at four.
    Unbending accountants, a bore.
    In the office not bold,
    But in hay when they rolled.
    There was bending contorting and more.

  146. Tony Holmes says:

    Sorry about this, but a necessary improvement in the last line.

    “She’s a goddess! A sight to behold.
    Would a frontal approach be too bold?
    That I’m keen would be clear,
    Far too much so, I fear.
    P’raps a shower would be good – nice’n cold.”

  147. Tony Holmes says:

    “I’m more shy and retiring than bold,
    Introspective to boot, truth be told.
    I am happiest when
    In the background, but then
    I do love it when I am cajoled.”

  148. Tony Holmes says:

    “There are girls quite demure, we are told,
    And then others outrageously bold.
    They are all my delight,
    Any time, day or night,
    Or they would be if I had the gold.”

  149. David Friedman says:

    A beaten up bowling pin told
    Of the way he’d been coyly cajoled:
    “I misheard her when
    This sexy young pin
    Asked if I’d like to get bowled.”

  150. Her buddies were hung, said the text.
    So as leader of witches, she hexed.
    Clear warning was bold,
    The graveyard foretold.
    New tombstone inscribed with, “You’re Next!”

  151. Needed to change “hung” to “burned” so it didn’t appear that they were well-endowed buddies. Though, does that change anything?

    Her friend had been burned, said the text.
    So as leader of witches, she hexed.
    Clear warning was bold,
    The graveyard foretold.
    New tombstone inscribed with, “You’re Next.”

  152. Wildman says:

    If your hair style is simply not-cuttin’-it…
    You’ll ‘be-long’ when it’s ‘in’ that you-wanna-fit
    Shave your head, ‘Telly’ bold
    Or go ‘Beatles’, get bowled…
    Long and short is: you’re stylin’, just teased-a-bit!

  153. Clay Wild says:

    So, there’s enTRIES in bulk quantities
    Maybe safety in numbers, but please…
    Thirty-four, she’s quite bold
    And on Lisi, no mold
    She’ll go green, but she’s still killin’ ‘TRIES…

  154. Tony Holmes says:

    “He composes instructions in bold.
    Thinks it makes sure I do as I’m told.
    He’s quite wrong. I don’t care.
    I will do as I dare.
    I’m his mother. It’s my role to scold.”

  155. Tony Holmes says:

    “It’s the gentleman’s cry, “Oh, well-bowled!”
    When attending the cricket, I’m told.
    For myself, I’m bemused …
    That they get so enthused?
    And the game is, I think, oversold.”

  156. Tony Holmes says:

    “What I said was, ‘You need to be bold.’
    Not go in like a bull, uncontrolled.
    Don’t blurt out what you want.
    Try again, nonchalant.”
    “Hello, ladies! I’ve just been paroled!”

  157. Tony Holmes says:

    “Don’t hold back, Doc’, just tell me the worst.”
    “As you wish. You’ve no arms – they went first.
    You’ll no longer need shoes—”
    “Is there any good news?”
    “You can still get it up when you’re nursed.”

    Too dark?

  158. Terry Marter says:

    English pronunciation please (Class = Clarse etc)

    Wanda went to his spell-casting class
    Then got angry when she failed to pass.
    Now his precious rare wand
    of which he was fond,
    Casts spells (and bad smells) from his arse.

  159. Tim James says:

    A publisher’s wife had grown cold
    And turned into a bit of a scold.
    Did he push back? No way.
    It’s a pity to say
    It seems only his typeface is bold.

  160. Terry Marter says:

    n the sports news the headlines are bold
    His Grand Slam record-breaker’s on hold.
    Aced in his own sport
    By Australian court
    No-vax Novak’s now out in the cold.

  161. Clay Wild says:

    From some daggered roof ice, he got nailed
    It was gruesome, but quick – was impaled…
    Lived aloof, funny thing
    Didn’t find him till spring…
    How poetic that no one was jailed

  162. Tony Holmes says:

    “So, you’re saying this blow to the head
    Stole your memory?” “The old me is dead.
    Crimes ‘he’ committed –
    Defunct! I’m acquitted.”
    “Well, in that case, we’ll frame you instead.”

  163. Tony Holmes says:

    “’Twas a blow to the head made me bold.
    Under pressure, this blackguard would fold.
    He of course, felt no pain
    And he raised me – again,
    Which convinced me that he had me cold.”

  164. Tony Holmes says:

    “Since the accident, things aren’t the same.
    We were fun-loving, life was a game.
    Now we live on the couch,
    And we slouch and we grouch,
    Sudden moves and it’s ‘Ouch!’ We’re so lame!”

  165. Tony Holmes says:

    “After two broken arms and one leg,
    I surrendered – but he had to beg.
    Once our contest was done
    It was time to have fun,
    And turns out he’s a pretty good egg.”

  166. Wildman says:

    Tension mounts with the battle lines drawn…
    It’s where courage and leaders are spawn
    Cannon balls do abound
    Wounded souls on the ground
    Lighten up, it’s croquet on front lawn…

  167. Tony Holmes says:

    “Unkind words break no bones, it is claimed,
    But some egos are shattered when shamed.
    (Self-esteem might well die –
    There’s no salve to apply.)
    Vicious insults have crippled and maimed.”

  168. Steve Benko says:

    To get naked in public is bold;
    For one thing, you might catch a cold.
    If a beautiful girl
    Says “Let’s give it a whirl,”
    Though, my answer to that is, “I’m sold!”

  169. “It’s impossible game,” I had sputtered.
    Then a string of profanity uttered.
    The longer I bowled,
    My teammates went cold.
    With bumpers, still landing me guttered.

  170. Lisi Nortman says:

    Heard he’s “striking” and also he’s bowled.
    I too love to thrust, but I’m old.
    Yet my eyelashes flutter,
    And my mind’s in the “gutter”
    With that info., he may just be sold.

  171. Tony Holmes says:

    “Oh, those trekkies were ever so bold,
    Going deep and beyond to behold,
    Worlds unknown until then.
    Shown again – and again.
    Mister RoddenB’s concept struck gold.”

  172. Brian Allgar says:

    Said Trump to the Queen: “Majesty,
    Ya wanna do something for me?”
    His request was quite bold:
    A shower of gold
    Involving the Queen’s “Royal Wee”.

  173. Tony Holmes says:

    “In my dream, I am naked in town.”
    “Nothing on?” “Yes! I’m wearing a frown.”
    “It’s not like you. It’s bold.”
    “It’s a dream!” “Please don’t scold.
    I prefer when you dream you’re a clown.”

  174. Tony Holmes says:

    “You can’t x-ray a heart that’s been broke’
    By some callous and cavalier bloke.
    So, don’t dwell upon that.
    Pay him back, tit for tat.
    Send him mountains of food – he may choke.”

  175. Clay Wild says:

    Jury’s out on this Injury Debate

    Oh, the word choice debate does continue…
    So, just how much convincing is in you?
    Tony’s ‘gammy’, I’m ‘gimpy’
    Then there’s ‘dodder’ or ‘limpy’…
    It’s the diff’rence ‘tween tendon and sinew!

  176. James Mac Hale says:

    John Wayne Bobbitt’s sad tale makes you cringe for he
    Suffered a life-changing injury,
    To all men’s disgust.
    He had to adjust
    And is now wearing feminine lingerie.

  177. Terry Marter says:

    I dreamt that my lims had all sold,
    For their wit and their style oh so bold.
    Then awoke minus smile
    As my eyes caught the pile, –
    All withered and gathering mould.

  178. Terry Marter says:

    A critic, – audacious and bold,
    Said my rhymes were all corny and old.
    He is now on the floor
    With my large Volume Four, –
    There’s some blood, and his body’s quite cold.

  179. Wildman says:

    I clocked in, bit my tongue, on my shift…
    All day long, operate a fork lift
    Not construction, per se
    I taste test, yes, for pay…
    Workman’s comp, a day off, what a gift!

  180. James Mac Hale says:

    Many ways to be out, playing Cricket.
    Run out, or be Leg-Before-Wicket
    By the umpire told,
    Caught out, or be bowled.
    I’m done, up his arse he can stick it!

  181. Wildman says:

    With full drink I came in like a bull
    The result of a bad muscle.pull…
    Tried to make the best of it
    Self compose, rise above it
    “How ironic, my glass is half full!”

  182. Tony Holmes says:

    Sombre surgeon, “You have to be told.
    I regret, Ma’am, your husband’s clean bowled.
    Middle stump and both bails.
    When a fast ball assails …
    We will do what we can to remould.”

    For those unfamiliar with th finer points of cricket, there are three stumps, stuck upright into the ground. These are topped with the bails – there are two. Together, they comprise the wicket which is defended by the batsman against the bowler whose task it is to outwit the batsmen and knock the bails off the stumps. To do this, he will employ a number of different bowling techniques – the Yorker; the Googly; the fast ball – 100 miles per for a few; the slow bowl combined with spin. Clean bowled is when the bowler deceives the batsman and takes out the stumps without the batsman even touching the ball.

  183. Tony Holmes says:

    I offfer that as a twofer, by the way.

  184. Rudy Landesman says:

    You do know the wherefores and whys
    Those people are dropping like flies.
    They’re felled by a virus.
    Should that not inspire us
    To get the vaccine? ‘Twould be wise.

  185. Lisi Nortman says:

    1966: I upheld my beliefs! (just married)

    Even though it is no longer sold,
    I still fluff and of course, I then fold.
    The new brides would use Tide.
    But I wouldn’t abide!
    I stood strong, and I used Liquid Bold.

    (Now you can only get the powder)

  186. Daisy ward says:

    Wearing her see through outfit was bold
    Wind came through that made her butt cold
    She called out for heat
    That shot through her teeth
    What a sight, she looked like a mole

  187. Daisy ward says:

    The man tried to catch a foul ball
    But his body was too tall
    The ball hit his ribs
    Then hit his small Dibbs
    Which bounces him into a wall

  188. Rudy Landesman says:

    To Republicans try to be kind,
    But first, you will have to go find
    One who proudly admits
    That the epithet fits;
    And no doubt, he’ll be out of his mind.

  189. Lisi Nortman says:

    1977: Children Just Don’t Listen!

    My 9 year old, daring and bold
    (Disrespectful, and so uncontrolled)
    Didn’t know I was peeking.
    Sure enough, he was sneaking!
    And pulled off his hat in the cold.

    (a disgrace)

  190. Lisi Nortman says:

    Better Grammar: 1977

    My 9 year old, daring and bold
    (Disrespectful, and so uncontrolled)
    Was incredibly cheeky
    And just so darn sneaky
    That he pulled off his hat in the cold.

  191. Lisi Nortman says:

    I was speechless, with tears in my eyes.
    Oh my! Who could ever surmise?
    Johnny, handsome and bold
    Said, “My Love, here’s a gold
    Ring, the best Cracker Jack Prize.”

  192. Lisi Nortman says:

    Adding One More Word To Line Five

    I was speechless, with tears in my eyes.
    Oh my! who could ever surmise?
    Johnny, handsome and bold
    Said, “My Love, here’s a gold
    Dazzling ring, the best Cracker Jack prize.”

  193. Lisi Nortman says:

    New York Tourism Is Picking Up, The Art Of The Deal

    Mr. Parker, so dashing and bold.
    Had a pitch that just glittered like gold.
    He was selling a tower,
    Which was known for its “power”
    Cause the bridge had already been sold.

  194. James Mac Hale says:

    Truth is stranger than Fiction

    My earlier verse I rebut.
    Bobbitt’s dick’s re-attached to his nut.
    He reckoned he’s game,
    With his newly found fame,
    Made a porno “John Bobbitt Uncut!”

  195. Clay Wild says:

    Paul the playwright couldn’t wait to begin it
    With an Obie his goal – out to win it!
    Pyrotechnics went BAD
    The explosion was SAD…
    And the rest of his cast? He’s still in it…

  196. Terry Marter says:

    She remembers those days when she’d rhumba
    Now she just needs some peace and more slumba.
    She’s not feeling too bold;
    She has aches, and she’s old,-
    But still Loves lunch in bed with cucumba!

  197. Terry Marter says:

    He was proud to be known far and wide
    For the lions that lived by his side.
    One day (on their whim)
    He was torn limb from limb,
    But none of it injured his Pride.

  198. Wildman says:

    Sometimes bi-weekly words can grow mold
    Not conducive to spark too much LOL’d
    We’re tapped out for more clever…
    So it’s time, now or never
    Well digested, just flush it once bowled

  199. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Blacks and blues and some streaks of chartreuse,
    Are the hues in my homemade tattoos.
    Such rich colors bring pride
    To my leathery hide.
    It seems snide when folks label them “Bruise.”

  200. Rudy Landesman says:

    The star of the show, I don’t kid,
    He tripped and went into a skid.
    His mother had said:
    “Break a leg, go ahead.”
    And that’s what on stage he then did.

  201. Brian Allgar says:

    While making their lunch, feeling edgy,
    The knife slipped. “Here’s your sandwich”, said Reggie.
    “Great! I’m starving”, she said.
    “… But there’s blood on the bread –
    I told you, I only eat veggie!”

  202. Rudy Landesman says:

    A new lover she went out to seek.
    She was good at both French and at Greek.
    She was sipping a latte
    And wore her best schmatte.
    It hurt her to be less than chic.

  203. Terry Marter says:

    The Ukraine situation’s “the worst”
    Putin plans an injurious outburst.
    To keep Russia’s hand off
    And de-fuse the standoff
    The U.S. will try Blinken first.

  204. Dane Paulsen says:

    Walking the plank an indicator.
    A pirate will meet his creator.
    But they don’t cower,
    Or take a shower.
    They’ll washup on shore later.

  205. Dane Paulsen says:

    Hockey players if you’re not aware.
    Summer teeth can give a scare.
    If you don’t glean,
    Just what I mean.
    Summer here, summer over there.

  206. Dane Paulsen says:

    Breaking her finger, a sign.
    An accident involving wine.
    It was not grand,
    But on the other hand,
    She still was completely fine.

  207. Dane Paulsen says:

    When a robot loses his grease.
    Then all his movement will cease.
    Not much to say,
    We can all pray,
    That he will then rust in peace.

  208. Dane Paulsen says:

    There was a blond with no clues.
    Alligator shoes were in the news.
    She shot a gator,
    Then found out later,
    Alligators don’t wear shoes.

  209. Dane Paulsen says:

    With a chainsaw not sure how.
    He cut off his left side, ow!
    It sounds very sad,
    But you can be glad,
    Because he is all right now

  210. Dave Johnson says:

    A show business phrase from the past
    Had safety precautions out-classed.
    “Now go – break a leg!”
    Seemed to say “please, I beg
    For you to wind up in a cast.”

  211. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Ev’ry morning I stand at my sink.
    Such tame rituals help me to think.
    But today — being bold —
    I’ve done damage untold:
    Worked my New York Times crossword in INK!

  212. Dave Johnson says:

    The truth is that I’ve never bowled;
    Let’s see – how does this thing get rolled?
    Each ball – out of sight;
    All the pins still upright.
    “Your mind’s in the gutter.” I’m told.

  213. Byron Miller says:

    I can’t count all the games that I’ve bowled
    In these shoes now all moldy and holed.
    But, a buyer I’ll catch
    If I glue on a patch;
    Time to get them resoled and resold.

  214. Dane Paulsen says:

    With stock market decline uncontrolled.
    It’s time for a move that is bold.
    It should be no shock,
    I’ll sell some more stock.
    I think it is time for some gold.

  215. James Mac Hale says:

    Has the whole bloody world gone insane?
    More invasive political pain.
    It was really badass
    To take over Donbass
    When Putin went into Ukraine

    Now Russia says “Kyiv, it is clear
    We have soldiers surrounding you here.
    Though NATO will nag
    About games with false flag
    It’s too late, now please meet Vladimir!

  216. Lisi Nortman says:

    Injury Theme: “I Always Do This” from January 13, at 9:18 PM
    THIS is the correct chronology of my klutziness:

    Right after our final embrace,
    I realize it’s cold in our place.
    As I’m pulling the spread
    To reach over my head,
    I punch myself right in the face.

  217. Lisi Nortman says:

    Another Correction Which Will Make More Sense:( from Jan 18, at 6:40)
    New York City: The Art Of The Deal.
    “The RESURRECTION Of George C. Parker”

    George Parker, so dashing and bold,
    Had a pitch that just glittered like gold.
    He sold us a tower,
    Which was known for its “power”
    Cause the bridge had already been sold.

  218. Wildman says:

    Poker face, eye-to-eye, bluff or fold…
    (Oh, you only live once, so be bold)
    “I can’t now!”, my excuse…
    Then mom tightened the noose
    “It’s just laundry – now do as you’re told!”

  219. Tony Holmes says:

    “You’re an artist! You have to be bold!
    Wild and reckless – you know, uncontrolled!
    It will make the girls faint—”
    “I don’t know how to paint!”
    “Doesn’t matter. It’s art. They’ll be sold.”

  220. Mark Totterdell says:

    I don’t want to sound like a whinger,
    But my toe was so painful to injure
    When I gave a hard kick
    To a wall made of brick
    As I practised the ways of a Ninja.

  221. Mark Totterdell says:

    To eat a blue cheese, truth be told,
    Is an action both risky and bold.
    It could lead to your doom,
    As that stuff you consume
    Is old cow-juice all shot through with mold.

  222. Steve Benko says:

    “My feelings by Biden are hurt,”
    Said Putin, not wearing a shirt.
    To soothe all my pain
    I’ll invade the Ukraine;
    I miss Donald. He’d chase any skirt.”

  223. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Mything Link?

    Of two siblings, one Grim and one Bold,
    “All I touch,” boasted one, “turns to gold.”
    “Same for me,” said the other
    while gripping his brother,
    “What I clutch always ends up stone cold.”

  224. Dane Paulsen says:

    He blew himself up with much delph.
    It wasn’t for fame or for wealth.
    The soldier then curiously,
    Took it quite seriously.
    He wanted to C4 himself.

  225. Dane Paulsen says:

    The baby snake asked his mum.
    Am I poisonous, being so young?
    Yes, this is true.
    What did you do?
    He said, “I just bit my tongue”.

  226. Clay Wild says:

    One more Myth-conception…

    Of the Trojan War, what came to pass
    Was Achilles’ war prize princess lass
    Though his wound was his heal
    She said, “Here’s the REAL deal…
    He was more of a pain in the ass.”

  227. James Mac Hale says:

    Ah, the brassiere worn over the should-ers,
    Designed to support two large bould-ers,
    Is precisely the thing
    To dampen the swing
    Yet heighten the gaze of behold-ers.

  228. Dave Johnson says:

    Our team was just cruising along;
    Their playing so balanced and strong.
    But injuries won;
    Now the season is done.
    The boo-birds are singing their song.

  229. Dane Paulsen says:

    Seeing poison ivy would suck.
    Near a four-leaf clover you pluck.
    But don’t be a baby,
    For you just maybe,
    In for a rash of good luck.

  230. madkane says:

    Attention all Limerick-Off Stragglers: The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.

  231. Tim Gray says:

    If I may make so bold
    It’s not though Donald is old,
    That he is immature,
    Vain and insecure
    He must be told and be told and be told.

  232. Terry Marter says:

    I Do try to not cross the line,
    And Some lines I’ve written are fine.
    But when thoughts get too bold
    While my line is on hold,
    I walk the line, – straight to my wine!

  233. Rudy Landesman says:

    Oh meter! Oh meter! Oh meter!
    You’re sloppy. You stumble. You teeter
    All over the place
    And fall flat on your face.
    You MUST mind your feet to be neater.

  234. Brian Allgar says:

    The hitch-hiker’s feeling quite glum,
    And he thinks that it may have been dumb –
    Stuck his hand out too fast
    As a lorry shot past.
    Now he’s waving goodbye to his thumb.

  235. Mark G. Kane says:

    “Get Out of Ukraine,” he’s been told
    But to Putin, the War is still Cold.
    I mean what is he thinkin’,
    Blinken ain’t blinkin’.
    It’s time for the West to be bold.

  236. Steve Benko says:

    There once was a girl from Hoboken
    Whose way to show love wasn’t spoken.
    Alas, it was fate
    When she found a soul mate
    That his willy would quickly be broken.

  237. Sjaan VandenBroeder says:

    Hi, Rudy. Though I guess meter may not always be a laughing matter,
    I’m laughing at your “Oh meter!….”

    My feet splay, go astray, and won’t stay with me.
    They are woefully willful. They play with me.
    Maybe lopping a toe’ll
    Establish control.
    Oops! There they go again, having their way with me.

  238. madkane says:

    Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…

    Limerick-Off Award 487. Congratulations to the winners!

    But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Prime.