Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: KEY at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: August 7, 2021)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using KEY at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WRITING STYLES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best WRITING STYLES-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on August 8, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 7, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my KEY-rhyme limerick, inspired by “Do-Re-Mi” from “The Sound Of Music”:
To remember the scale, here’s the key:
Think of does, golden sun rays, and me.
Try scampering fah
And sewing — VoiLA!
Then return to those does after tea.
And here’s my WRITING STYLES-themed limerick:
To people who try to seem bright
Via recondite words, you’re a blight.
It’s pretentious to wax
Lexiphanic. I’d tax
Ev’ry fancified phrase that you write.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Language Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Music Humor & Verse, Musical Humor, Musical Scale Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Pretentiousness, Sound Of Music, Wordiness, Writing Prompts, Writing Styles
There was an old cat named McGee,
Who said, “I demand my own key.
For it is such a pain,
To ask time and again,
To be let out when I need a pee.”
A young chap from Okofenokee
Went down to the swamp for some pokee.
But once down in the swamp
A large ‘gator went “Chomp” –
Which made his libido quite low key.
Mom: “Do Your Homework!” (key and writing styles)
“Have you finished your narrative, Tom?
Cuz last time you sure dropped a bomb!”
“Don’t worry ’bout me.
Fine’ly found the right key:
Called “writing a story dot com.”
The Plump Club
It’s so hard to lose weight, Woe Is Me!
(And all of my “plump” friends agree.)
Each one will concur
They wish that it were
As easy as losing a key.
My computer just sure startled me.
Read a message I didn’t foresee:
“Your keyboard is locked
But don’t be so shocked,
To fix it, press any ‘ole key.”
Persuasive is the “write” style for me,
get my point across forcefully is key.
Facts not always clear,
opinion counts here.
Oh no diatribe crossed line not kindly.
People use big words to impress,
low self-esteem issues I guess.
Of four writing styles,
descriptive gets smiles.
Like pure entertaining process.
“Carried Away With Metaphors” Publisher Speaks:
“Your metaphors sure hit the spot.
Like using “Seurat” to mean “dot”
And “balloon” meaning “moon”
And the “wind” meaning “tune”.
But have you forgotten the plot?”
better limerick: Carried Away With Metaphors:
“My First Novel” Publisher Speaks
“Your metaphors sure hit the spot.
Such as using the “steam” to mean “hot”
And “balloon” meaning “moon”
“Whistling wind” meaning “tune”
But have you forgotten the plot?”
My singing’s not always top-hat,
And often I’m sharp when I scat.
But take it from me,
No matter the key,
I get into any old flat.
The Rach Four? Man’s that heavy, not light. *
Does playing it fill you with fright?
Your fingers might freeze.
Just look at them keys!
So many! Some black and some white!
*Rachmaninoff, Piano Concerto #4
A night at the opera.
The duet with the diva and he,
grew more sexual each time they changed key.
With his sus-4th so long,
and their climax so strong,
from that beautiful F in her C.
“He’s all Hemingway, sober an’ drunk:
Claims a nodding acquaintance with Strunk.
Goes fishin’ an’ huntin’
An’ screwin’, confrontin’:
Then writes it all up like a monk.”
(After a long absence …)
This device seemed just perfect for me,
Since I’m always mislaying my key.
I press the thing here,
And my keys, far or near,
Will respond with ‘beep, beep …’ endlessly.
It worked well until, several days later,
In need of my beep-generator,
I looked all around,
But it couldn’t be found –
Like a fool, I’d mislaid the locator!
Australian Crocodile Dundee,
there are numerous who wannabee.
Don’t carry small knife,
to deal with strife.
Wielding a machete is key.
I craft tomes in my garden (when sunny),
with a style that is right on the money
But I frequently miss,
and just end up like this,
with a limerick that’s not very funny!
When I’m writing a narrative book,
Stream-of-consciousness works as my “hook.”
But for pamphlets or tracts,
Or a thesis with facts,
I prefer to use Gobbledygook.
Have you seen dog with bothersome flea,
utilize flea comb douse quickly key.
If not effective,
other elective.
Flea circus tax write off show is free.
I have just run aground, pity me.
I’m okay — just a cay in the sea.
But what other snags lurk
In semantical murk?
Is a lake but a loch with no key?
The Best Writing Style: Advice From Miss Word Wise
“In conclusion, I just have to say
In closing, don’t use a cliche.
Haste always makes waste
So write in good taste.
Writing’s hard at the end of the day.”
Critical Computer Advice From An Expert
“I have something important to say,
So you won’t feel enormous dismay.
Listen close to my plea:
Do not press “escape” key.
Cuz you’ll fade and then soon melt away.”
Conservator case singer Britney,
Endlessly on Las Vegas marquee.
Hit me one more time,
like dad’s finance crime.
Will first-class attorney be the key?
What are the odds of chimpanzee,
with limerick better than me?
Send to Havana,
pay by banana.
Might get stuck in typewriter keys.
The Book Report
“Your grammar could make someone cry.
As your teacher, I let out a sigh.
But since you’re my beau,
I’ll just let it go.
(Keep that secret between you and I”)
Never To Be Seen Again
I sang lots of songs ev’ry day.
But I sure had a big price to pay.
(Always in the wrong key)
I just didn’t foresee
That my Maltese would run far away.
Oops. I put the apostrophe in the wrong place. Here is the correction.
The Rach Four? Man that’s heavy, not light. *
Does playing it fill you with fright?
Your fingers might freeze.
Just look at them keys!
So many! Some black and some white!
*Rachmaninoff, Piano Concerto #4
Their singer was slightly off-key;
The crowd made his band hard to see.
Most covers they played
Were so moldy and frayed;
“Free concert” – no bargain for me.
A Specific Style Of Writing: Journalism “Headline”
“As hard as Miss Henderson tried,
From the killer, she just couldn’t hide.
She ran very fast.
Yet her bolt didn’t last.
Though alive, till the moment she died”
Love life in fictional tv Pawnee,
first in friendships fourth in obesity.
Since none of it’s real,
could we make a deal.
Any chance procuring fake city key?
The beginning, “O say, can you see,”
Of an anthem by Francis Scott Key,
Inspires us to ask,
“Are we up to the task
That’s needed for all to be free?”
I yearn for the days when the call
For freedom meant justice for all—
Not “All that I ask
Is to take off this mask.”
We’ve descended from greatness to small.
Trump needs a job: Interview: Must Be Able to Write In Journalistic Style
Trump said “I don’t have biased views
(Incidentally, I didn’t lose.)
Took a class called, “The Rag”
Got an “A” , (not to brag)
So please give me a job at “Fake News”
His word choices? Sesquipedalian.
His worship was Episcopalian.
‘Twas all a disguise
So none would be wise
To his origin as a space alien.
Elton John, Bono, and Kiki Dee
Elvis, Cher, Hendrix, and Peggy Lee
Placid Domingo
John, Paul, George, (even Ringo)
Have all covered the great F. Scott Key
Some call him a dour doom-and-gloomer,
But I say that’s only a rumor.
He’s ghoulish, that’s true.
His books scare quite a few,
But his limericks show his dark humor.
The One And Only
Ray Charles, as we know, couldn’t see.
But was taught to play piano at 3.
A miraculous story
Of a man and his glory,
Which began with just only one key.
“The Great One” nickname came to be,
scoring well as young Wayne Gretzky.
Retired with nice wife,
what’s next role in his life?
With five kids probably referee.
The Obituary
His lady friend was lost at sea
So he wrote free verse on his knee
What came to his mind
Was how much he pined
For Julia. She was the key
The Joke writer
He did his writing with glee
Everything’s bought for a fee
An archive of jokes
To entertain folks
And that detail is the key
Woke up and realized mistakes.
“The Great One” nickname came to be,
scoring well as young Wayne Gretzky.
“Now retired nice wife,
what’s next role in our life?”
She said, “five kids referee key.”
The king had to jouney by sea;
In his absence, the Queen might feel free.
She’d be safer, he felt,
With a chastity belt –
But the knight had a skeleton key.
A Henry James sentence would tend,
Like elastic, to overextend,
Each subordinate clause
Causing readers to pause,
And to groan “Will the thing never end?”
In the middle range, critics agree,
Her singing is sometimes off-key,
But in coloratura,
Her voice is much purer;
Like pirates, she loves the high C.
I proposed near the band. That was key.
On the boardwalk alongside the sea.
The Crowd stomped and clapped, –
The piers all collapsed, –
And the band (one could say) went off-quay.
I wish that my room had a key
to this door that imprisons me.
Don’t even begin
to ask why it’s locked from within.
If I knew, I’d already by free!
Morning caffeine in a cup key,
husband went to make my coffee.
What is arranged here,
stacked up in a tier.
A mistake heard me say toffee.
“Dial” M For Murder, a 1954 film, directed by Alfred Hitchcock
If you’ve seen this great film, you’ll agree
That from murder, a killer can’t flee.
A “chief” who was slick
Used a real clever trick:
With a key, and that key was the “key”
Zaila champ at this year’s spelling bee,
first Black American in history.
Etymology you need,
Philology indeed.
Understanding above words part of key.
A syllable miscount.
Zaila champ at this year’s spelling bee,
first Black American in history.
Etymology you need,
Philology supersede?
Understanding above words part of key.
Her method for teaching us cursive
Could sometimes be somewhat immersive.
She hasn’t a hint,
But today I just print;
A notion she’d see as subversive.
Writing Style: Stream of Consciousness
This man didn’t smell like a rose
I must throw out all my red clothes
The day that I bled
The blood was bright red
Which reminds me of very sore toes
a slight modification: Writing Style: Stream of Consciousness
This man doesn’t smell like a rose
I must throw out all my red clothes
The day that I bled
The blood was bright red
Now I’m thinking about my sore toes
To identify dogs, we agree
That a strap ’round the neck is the key.
Has the owner’s last name;
The phone number of same.
This technique is named “collar ID.”
Connecticut pie company,
spun numerous tins, first Frisbee.
But with tin high alert,
a person could get hurt.
Change to plastic less pain the key
(Revision for my 1:07 pm posting above)
Her method for teaching us cursive
Would often be somewhat immersive.
She hasn’t a hint,
But today I just print;
A practice she’d view as subversive.
Mark Twain’s language: an erudite treat.
Ernest Hemingway’s prose: short and sweet.
Written discourse and wit
Then went wholly to shit
As the “President” babbled by tweet.
If genie grants three wishes here’s key,
ask for three more repeat honestly.
Could be here awhile,
be shameless and smile.
Can redeem all of them interest-free.
Everyone wants house that’s turn-key,
do not want renovations please.
Tearing up an abode,
after own home has sold.
Dealings with contractor Chablis.
Some writers are harried and fraught;
And proof reading’s never a thought.
With deadlines so short,
It is sad to report
Thos typos ar esy to pot.
Preston ate all his panini,
playing orchestra’s timpani.
he can’t handle rhythm,
though sandwich now in him.
The man always sounded off key.
Deborah has an advance degree,
makes you think child prodigy.
But what you don’t know,
doesn’t really show.
She just ages backwards kook-key.
To enter my swanky new Flat
I just punch in a code, – and that’s That!
The fourth Fail with my “Key”
triggered Voicemail to Me:
“Your new Key-code is under the Mat.”
Aristophanes and – (let me see)
Those tragedians – (I think there were three)
They wrote plays for a while
In their ancient Greek style.
I regret, that is all Greek to me.
For really a very long while
I struggled with one author’s style.
“Ulysses” by Joyce,
That book is my choice
To start a new “Do Not Read” pile.
I only recently learned this (Foot): A poetic foot is “a unit of stressed and unstressed syllables in a line of poetry”.
So….
She Brags when she’s Put to the Test,
“I can Rhythmic’ly Rhyme with the Best.
And in Metrical Song
I’ve not Put a ‘foot’ Wrong, –
I’m the Best, and my Name’s Anna Pest”.
English spelling is hell. Readers wish
The word “ghoti” were not pronounced “fish”.
And they wonder if “quay”
Should be spoken as “kay”?
No, it’s “key”! As for Lilian Goti …
(Double)
They complain I don’t write stylishly,
But, hell, I don’t need no degree
To earn a huge fee
From bestsellers. The key?
My readers are dumber than me.
In a manner excessively florid,
I pen horror tales grisly and torrid.
All my critics agree
I have mastered the key
To a writing style perfectly horrid.
e.e. cummings wrote verse that was “free”
and no capital letters used he
and the reason for that
keep it under your hat
a malfunctioning typewriter key
Writing style and key
“I’m not sure that my work has a style,”
Said one senior; “it’s been quite a while
Since my writings were read —
Not to mention in bed —
But I hope that they’ll give you a smile.”
Said the other, “A ‘smile’?! Don’t you see
That that’s NOT what’s important to me?
Here, just give me your hand —
Do you feel that? How grand!
That response — not a ‘smile’ — is what’s key.”
A fellow was learning to ski
And discovered that steering is key.
He’d been schussing a while
As he focused on style
When he suddenly met with a tree.
The far right insists Francis Scott Key
Never thought that the “powers that be”
Would be so overbearing
And mandate the wearing
Of masks in his ”Land of the Free.”
When you’re writing a brief, don’t just say
The court “should” or “should not”; that won’t sway
Any judge. No, Instead
Explain WHY what they’ve read
Should incline them to see things your way.
My mind seems to be overflowed
With verses I need to unload.
Can’t write prose, can’t write plays,
Or not one fancy phrase.
My brain’s stuck in limerick mode.
“To achieve great success, what is key?”
“Not – I’ll tell you straight off – asking me!
I’m a bum; a dead loss—’
“Hold your horses, there, boss.
I was thinking out loud.” “Oh! I see.”
Ninth grade average reading level,
seventh grade blockbuster revel.
Flesch Kincaid Index,
writing less complex.
So opposite of bedevil
Writing Styles: Limericks by Lisi
My surgeon knew just what to do,
Cuz sadly, my brain turned to goo.
He ably removed
All the rot in each groove,
But the lim’riks were stuck in like glue.
Oops! Rhyming Error! Writing Styles, “Limericks by Lisi”
I must tell you my surgeon felt blue,
And upset cuz my brain turned to goo.
He tried to remove
All the rot in each groove.
But the lim’riks were stuck in like glue.
Utilize the Flesch Kincaid Index,
Promotes improved writing less complex.
Ninth grade average level,
seventh you will revel.
Confirmation in best selling specs.
Little early for Christmas trees,
Santa Clause sliding down chimneys.
But I don’t understand,
I say chimneys be banned.
Shouldn’t we give Santa some keys?
I thought I would go into shock.
(Took a breather, and walked round the block)
I at last found the key
To success, but poor me:
Seems somebody changed the damn lock.
I’m in trouble today, woe is me!
Lost my cell, gee, now where could it be?
Hmm, maybe my car!
I can’t get real far:
Gotta ask my phone, “Where is my key?”
Similar Limerick
I’m in trouble today, woe is me!
Lost my cell, now just where could it be?
Hmm, maybe my car?
Well, I can’t get real far
Cuz my phone is attached to my key.
“When it comes to survival, you’ll see
You have choices. To stand, or to flee.
You might run – all is lost:
Or fight back – to your cost.
Knowing which to do when is the key.”
Writing Styles: The REAL story of Evelyn Woods, who popularized “Speed Reading” “Evelyn Confesses”
“All night, I would ponder and sit:
Should my first sentence start with an “It”?
Or maybe a “The”?
Perhaps, simply an “A”?
Or teach students to not give a shit?”
The Dear John/Dear Jane writing style
The “mince no words” style is real fun.
Simply write to the lady, “We’re done”
And just one more thing,
When she gives back the ring,
Run like hell, cuz her dad’s got a gun.
Crazy news story on BBC,
escapee mailed self COD.
Discovered by UPS,
didn’t send himself express.
That simple choice monumental key.
Grecian god Pan began the goatee,
many modern men are devotee.
Even on Brad Pitt,
not enhanced one bit.
Pan rocks facial hair choice, half-goat key.
Corrected Limerick
Dear John/Dear Jane writing style:
Writing “mince no words” style is real fun.
Just send on a note, “We are done”
And just one more thing,
When she gives back her ring,
Run like hell if her dad’s got a gun.
This Pandemic has been keeping me
At home, (where I don’t want to be.)
Thought I’d take in a flick.
But was told to leave quick.
(Spotted “Stir Crazy” on the marquee.)
In the office of young writer Miles,
Were wooden steps in distinct piles.
On these he would write;
And he got great delight,
In trying out new writing stiles (sic).
How much more pleasant life could be,
and with greater efficiency.
If during carjack,
instead of attack.
To say, “Please sir, may I have key?”
If you could enunciate please,
it would put me much more at ease.
Not sure what you said,
just captured a shred.
It sounded like, “give me don-key.”
Revisit genie poem a key,
ask for three wishes repeatedly.
That sounds so much better,
could be a trend-setter.
Genie limericks two weeks whoopee.
Think back “Newlywed Game” on tv,
frequently talked of making whoopee.
Bob Eubanks an asset,
wrong answers some regret.
Eubanks as funny referee key.
“As in art, so in verse, what is key?
That is simple – per-SON-al-i-TY.”
Says Johann von Goethe.
(He gave us Young Werther.)
I could wish he had chosen esprit.
The Unforgiving Writing Style Of A Doctor
You’re given a vital prescription
With a real scientific description
Of the pills that you need,
But the druggist can’t read
The script, so he has a conniption.
Sneaky Student Gets An “F” In Poetry Class: Angry Teacher Speaks:
“Your flowery writing exposes
Your joke about just where my nose is.
Use another technique.
Try something unique.
Don’t you know I’m allergic to roses?”
Doctor explained vision problems key,
“diagnosis there seems to be three.”
“Am I going blinded?,”
celebrity whined.
“Case of me, myself, and I Hayley.”
Ernest Hemingway: A New And Puzzling Writing Style Appears
When Ernest wrote all of that prose,
An in’tresting question arose:
Is this man a true writer
(Who couldn’t be brighter)
Or a newsman in storybook clothes?
Really cheesy formulaic smutty harlequin romance writing style.
Jane ached with unquenchable desire,
heaving bosom, whole body on fire.
Held in Brad’s muscular arms,
tall handsome architect charms.
Eyes locked, their passion grew even higher.
Hadn’t sorted my Lim’s for a while,
So I sifted out those that were Vile
Added labels Et cetera
Like Best; Better; Betterer, –
Still searching for one that has Style.
To develop great “Style” would be bliss
I thought: “I should look into this”
The best start,- so I’ve heard,
Is to Search for the Word.
All I found ref’renced line one in this.
My Lim’ style needs help through and through,
Don’t ask Mad, – she has Too much to do.
I was Lost. Mark told Me:
“If you’re stuck at line three,
I suggest you refer to line Two”
I went to a door store to see
What choices were open to me.
A sign on their stock
Read, “Pick Your Own Lock.”
But I want one that comes with a key.
Some books have no style. Who’s to blame?
Upside down, they (to me) look the same.
I’m really no dunce.
I read a book once.
Remind me, just what was its name.
She agreed to stay-over with me, –
I had promised her Afternoon Tea
We curled up with a book
Which to bed we soon took, –
Fifty Shades of Earl Grey was the Key.
As a child, learning problems caused fighting
This in turn taught me words used for blighting.
While still mastering those, –
Took an interest in Prose
Which I wrote using all joined-up writing.
“That No Good So And So” Writing Style By Lisi Frost
My darling, don’t leave me forsaken.
Don’t go, I will make you some bacon.
(I spiked it with strychnine)
He sure didn’t feel fine.
And rolled down a road much less taken.
“The Unforgiving Writing Style Of Doctors” (changed, due to what looks like a rhyming error from yesterday at 1:11 PM)
You’re given a vital prescription.
(Is your doctor obsessed with encryption?)
These pills you sure need,
But the druggist can’t read
The script, so he has a conniption.
“I don’t care they give two nights for free —
This motel is too creepy,” said she.
“The bolts are all dead;
There’s a chain on the bed;
And what’s up with this skeleton key?”
Writing Styles: The use Of Similes: Twinkle Twinkle
I’m going to fly very high.
The reason? I just cannot lie.
I love jewl’ry and bling.
I would love a new ring.
And that diamond’s way up in the sky.
The Official Pick-Up Line For Brainless Bimbos: “Gullible Bar and Grill”
“To my heart, I now give you the key.
You’re so beautiful, gosh, golly gee.
Never said this before,
I would love to explore.
Please show me that you are a she.”
Mensa Meeting, Chairperson: Today’s Topic: How To Act In Good Taste
“Welcome geniuses, here is the “key”
Never brag, it’s as rude as can be!
You must always act normal.
Don’t use words that are formal.
For more insight, just ask clever me.”
There’s an intriguing hierarchy,
within honey bee colony.
Drone’s impregnates queen,
gets strength from cuisine.
Royal Jelly for monarch-key.
I think this is a better version:
There’s a fascinating hierarchy,
internal honey bee colony.
Drone impregnates the queen,
strengthened from her cuisine.
Royal Jelly grows best monarch-key.
Some times our mother spoke in code,
seen by puzzled expressions showed.
Had a swear word spree,
need no answer key.
Frick, frack, arg, roc, fizz she’d explode
Never actually heard my mom ever use real swear words. At least not in front of her kids. My dad, on the other hand, was very prolific with profanity.
I write. like I speak. not much drama.
I never. have use. for a comma.
My phrasing. concise.
With real. sound advice.
Respect. fully. yours, B. Obama.
That was a mistake. THIS is what it was supposed to look like.
I write. Like I speak. Not much drama.
I never. Have use. For a comma.
My phrasing. Concise.
With real. Sound advice.
Respect. Fully. Yours. B. Obama.
To read some “Great Books” is a trial;
Bodice rippers excite and beguile.
Text books need hard study;
Horror stories are bloody –
And Mad’s writing style makes me smile.
Physician was obviously newbie,
left mafia now ER attendee.
You could tell by advice,
but happy to pay price.
Take two cannoli call in morning key.
FUNKY MONKEY
I started my career as a Lackey
Worked my way up to a Disc-Jockey
Pinch-Hit as a Crooner, but I sang Off-Key
I decided enough of this Malarkey
I got serious and became a Bookie
Sadly, I got involved in some Hanky-panky,
Now, I’m on the Lam and am keeping Low-“Key”
All this yelling like a banshee,
a male it’s really banhee.
Years of silent vow,
got to him some how.
Our best guess being a monk – key.
Hat tip (and apologies) to Melanie Safka
I got roller skates, you got a key;
We should try them together, you see.
You may think I’m the worst,
But I’m scarcely the first
To frame footwear so sexually.
Looked for a place to hide the key
The flowerpot & mailbox were too obvious, you see
Think outside the box, the solution”s easy
Leave the door unlocked, and take it with me
A amazingly unique writing style: “The Book Thief” by Markus Zusak
Here is why:
Even though the whole setting is vile,
There are times that this book makes you smile.
Be prepared, hold your breath,
Cause the narrator’s “DEATH”
And that is one rare writing style.
(I couldn’t put it down)
You can live on a Florida key.
Ernest Hemingway did – lit’rally.
He had cats with six toes,
A phenom’, I disclose,
Obligingly termed, polydactyly.
Dance Zumba, husband comes along,
we both love rhythm of each song.
Just disharmony,
his clothing off-key.
Hubby insist on wearing thong. *
* Husband has never worn a thong.
Dancing Zumba, wife comes along,
we both love rhythm of song.
Just disharmony,
her clothing off-key.
Wife insists on wearing a thong.*
* I have never worn thong. Though husband ok if I did.
“I am Pam, and I love to drink juice.
Pam I am and I also love goose.”
Did that make you smile?
Of course! It’s the style
Of our lovable friend, Dr. Seuss.
I write limericks
I tried them in Haiku style
They do not rhyme much.
I write limericks
I tried them in Haiku style
They do not rhyme much.
I write lim’ricks, I’ve tried Haiku Style
Kept me busy a very long while .
This line’s good it has seven
Syllables (Haiku heaven)
But there’s 5-7-5 duds on my pile.
Writing Styles: One Play To Avoid, A Style Known As “Impossible”
If you like reading Shakespeare, that’s swell.
Without question, he sure did excel.
But I warn you “first hand”
You will NOT understand
“All’s Well”, it will make you unwell.
A Slight Twist In The Punch
If you like reading Shakespeare, that’s swell.
Without question, he sure did excel.
But I warn you “first hand”
You will NOT understand
“All’s Well”, that just ends up like hell.
Key Largo’s my favorite key.
Key West isn’t my cup of tea.
It’s just a bit fey,
And we’re not that way,
My pal Humphrey Bogart and me.
In Havana they yearn to be free.
But why would they then pick on me?
I’m from politics far.
But that sign in a bar:
“No Gringos entrarse Aquí “
It’s a pie with a lime from a Key
Or perhaps, from a Mexican tree.
It aspires to be tart
With a tang off the chart.
It’s a fraud if it’s sweeter than tea!
“Your style with parentheses stinks,”
Said my prof (I don’t care what she thinks
(Though she’s smart (she’s from Yale
(Maybe Harvard; I fail
To recall (I’ve had too many drinks))))).
He was thinking he had the key
To my heart and also me
He figured it wrong
He thought my feelings were strong
He lost himself and also me
Relax with a nice cup of tea.
Grab a book that will cause you to see
That life is just splendid
As the Maker intended.
And try not to read “Sarah’s Key.”
Hat tip to Tim James (a musical limerick –fun!)
As I scroll through the Mad Blog with glee,
Tim is singing! How cool can that be?
I knew he could do it —
He skated right through it —
On a roll and in Melanie’s key!
After Ponce de Leon sailed the main
From the Florida coast back to Spain,
He cried, “Izzy, it’s me!
I’ve discovered a key!”
She said, “Keep it. I just want the chain.”
Though beguiled, when Fay’d flipped me the key
To her new Maserati GT,
I soon felt like a jerk
When the key wouldn’t work:
For, Fay’d fobbed off a faux fob on me.
Fell in love, gave the boyfriend my key.
Then he met someone else, oh dear me!
That “so and so” Jack
Never gave that key back.
Then the 2 of them stole my TV.
Writing Styles: “Romeo and Juliet”
I sit and I muse and I ponder.
Gee why does my mind always wander?
Guess I’m just an ole’ chap
Who don’t give a crap
‘Bout lights breaking through the blue yonder.
My LAST Attempt For a Punch
If you like reading Shakespeare, that’s swell.
Without question, he sure did excel.
But I warn you “first hand”
You will NOT understand
“All’s Well” (you will ends up not well.)
“Oh wow, bombs!” exclaimed Francis Scott Key.
“They’ll forget me post-haste if I flee.”
So he sat there all night,
Fretting “What shall I write?”
Till his brainstorm: “Oh say can you see!”
Said the pedant, “You mustn’t use ‘ain’t,’
Or else readers like me will all faint.”
But Mark Twain, quite unfazed,
Said, “It’s how Huck was raised;
It’s the portrait of life that I paint.”
Dale Carnegie exemplary writer,
few in literary world are brighter.
Attain friends, solid rules,
people skills, savvy tools.
His books justifying an all-nighter.
A Reply To Steve Benko: The EXACT Same Controversy About
Colloquialism, 68 years later.
Oh how, your said pedant would sigh
If he saw how his rules went awry.
A new generation
Captured more “liberation”
In that teenage hit, “Catcher In Rye”
The third stanza of “Say can you see”
Bans slaves from the land of the free.
Scott lauded the flood
Of African blood.
A racist was Francis Scott Key.
As I fretted and fumed and fumbled with the key
Said the whiz-kid to me, that thing’s a dummy
That technology’s long since outdated
These days everything’s voice-activated
All you have to do is say “Open Sesame “
Steel tycoon and self-help writer keys,
hard working men from poor pedigrees.
One taught how to be friend,
other amends in end.
Meet Andrew and Dale both Carnegies.
Over 30 million copies sold of Dale’s book “How to win friends and Influence People.” Andrew ruthless business man, turned philanthropist, donated nearly all of his massive fortune.
Complicated Writing Styles
I’m ashamed to admit I cannot
Figure out a real intricate plot.
I don’t often complain
About Dick and Jane,
But I’m very suspicious of Spot.
It starts low, with “Oh say, can you see…”
Then goes high, to a crazy degree.
By “the rockets’ red glare”
You’ll be gasping for air.
You can’t possibly sing it on-Key.
Writing Styles: The Frustrating Problem Of Haiku
Most Haiku just doesn’t make sense.
(A problem that makes poets tense.)
They try and they try,
But at times, come up dry.
I’m not lying, it’s true, and I. Fence.
I give many a concert for free,
I’m praised for my awesome philanthropy;
My parties are legend
With greats like John Legend,
So don’t dare imply that I sing off-key.
Models say warm water is key,
add lemon, picked that from my tree.
“Does it really work?”
I said with a smirk.
Who cares, it’s a beverage for free.
Lemon water and a little black sheath,
looking sexier for your husband Keith.
Rinsing you teeth major key,
or tooth enamel could flee.
You might get thinner, but also your teeth.
Writing Style “Old As The Hills”
There is something that needs to be said
‘Bout the style known as “Roses Are Red.”
The time is now due
To compose something new.
I’ve a feeling them roses are dead.
Great Scott, I thought, humming quite randomly,
I’ve forgotten the words and the key!
But I stand up there bold,
‘Cause I’ve just medalled gold,
And I’m happy – oh say, can’t you see?
Writing Style: “Fancy Quill”
My typewriter’s now on the blink.
And that made me ponder, then think:
Though its style is ornate,
It must be out-of-date,
Cause I constantly dip it in ink.
Me and him scoped that big writers’ party;
Great authors were there-all quite arty;
Their discussions waxed warm,
About grammar and form;
Then I knew I was not such a smarty.
I write in a style called “Perfection”
Most geniuses own my collection.
My most recent book
Can be found at “The Nook”
It’s right in the “Nursery Section”
Geico’s spoke pig Maxwell is the key,
in funniest commercial to me.
Love when he stuck out head,
from car window and said.
With two spinning pinwheels “wee wee wee.”
I’ve been told I have “piano hands”,
can do some thing pianist demands.
Long fingers reach with ease,
all the eighty-eight keys.
Can’t read music that ruins my plans.
Dining out for dinner I’ll divulge,
maybe early morning tummy bulge.
Spandex from neck to knee,
is my face-saving key.
Whenever I might over indulge.
Excited invited to this thing,
wondering what supplies I should bring.
New to a quilting bee,
question important key.
How do you make sure they never sting?
Writing Style: Romantic Poetry, by Lisi Lord Tennyson
“Love In The Clouds”
O, Love, you’ll see, then understand
The yon rich sky is stunningly grand.
We’ll make love over town,
But we’ll never get down.
I do knoweth not of how to land.
Something tells me that wasn’t a limerick!
“Love In The Clouds” by Lisi Shakespeare, a new writing style
O, Love, you will soon understand.
Thee sky, so yon rich tis real grand.
We’ll make love o’re the town,
But we’ll naught ever down,
Cuz me thinks I don’t know how to land.
“Their writing is so high-falutin’
That I feel like I’m swallowing gluten.
Donald, no need for thanks;
Purge your speechwriters’ ranks
And use mine from now on,” offered Putin.
van Beethoven’s Symphony Seven,
My mood it does joyfully leaven.
Don’t remember which key.
They’re all major to me.
They unlock gates to musical heaven.
In Barnstable County, Cape Cod,
There’s a town that’s divine and quite odd.
And take it from me
We all have the key
To Provincetown, man’s gift to God.
If you simply can’t learn how to ski,
There’s hope for you, take it from me.
A nice trip to Aspen
Can still leave you gaspin’;
To bed the instructor is key.
**********
From Mad:
During the late 60’s I played oboe at the Aspen Music Festival for three summers, so I can certainly relate! (But the “gaspin'” was more related to the oxygen-challenged height.)
Writing styles – ‘when and how’ is the key
To explain is ‘expositor-y’
A poem, how ‘descriptive’
‘Narratives’ quite addictive
If ‘persuasive’, ALL are good, we’ll agree!
It’s ‘the TRUTH’ that some blindly can’t see
‘Hating’ filters things myopic’ly
Choices taken away
By wedged doors, in a way
Be objective, it’s surely the key!
A stray dog eyed me sideways to see…
If I’d make a good hydrant or tree
My soccer shin guard
Had to work extra hard
To be wearing it sure was the key!
“Things That Are Funny. A writing Style by Lisi:
“The Key”
It was funny when we lost the key,
And you said I must pay the whole fee.
“Hellos” and “Goodbyes”
And real funny cries.
Somehow, that’s not funny to me.
You finally found the right “key”
The day that you met funny Leigh.
Mem’ries sure make me cry.
Funny, I don’t know why.
I guess they’re not funny to me.
It’s funny how I can’t forget
Just one very funny regret.
You surely did roar.
When you walked out that door.
To my heart, you’ve no longer the key.
Corrected Limerick: A Key Writing Style
You said, “Funny! We’ve just lost the key.
My darling, you must pay the fee.”
All the girls think you’re funny.
You call all of them “honey”
But none of that’s funny to me.
The day that you met funny Leigh,
You said that you found the right “key”
To a real funny life,
Full of laughter, no strife.
But that wasn’t funny to me.
It’s funny that I can’t forget
Just one little tiny regret:
I met funny you,
Guess that just wouldn’t do.
My heart’s asking back for the key.
It’s Wrong AGAIN !!!!!
Verse 3
I guess I just didn’t foresee
That you never loved unfunny me.
I cannot forget
Just one tiny regret.
My heart’s asking back for the key.
Wanted: petite partner in studio,
Garland hopeful movie career will grow.
Musicals with Rooney key,
stood a hair below five three.*
Judy and Mickey, high stature in show.
*Judy was tiny at four foot eleven.
Judy’s back to Hollywood studios,
What we’re editing out of future shows.
Scarecrows, tinmen, lions please,
or flying monkeys with keys.
Last request no more blasted tornados.
Dickens often penned tales picaresque —
Picturesquely grotesquely burlesque.
Did his style come about
As he tried this stuff out?
Nah. He made it all up at his desk.
Mitch McConnell quite often is seen
On the Senate floor venting his spleen.
He then spreads his bile
In his own writing style,
Aspiring to be King Trump’s queen.
I often have gone for a rest
To Tennessee’s place in Key West.
What a wonderful key
For authors like me!
Stylish post cards I wrote there were best!
Pompeo knew it was risky
Accepting a bottle of whisky,
At a cost of six grand,
So he used sleight of hand
And put it behind his lock and his key
People say I’m as old as can be.
Guess it’s true, and I have to agree.
Cause now and again,
I still recall when
A car needed more than one key.
Thought I’d marry sweet William McGee.
Felt he was just perfect for me.
Bill filled me with awe
Till the day that I saw
Him cleaning his ears with a key.
Allergic Reaction
Today’s been like hell, woe is me!
Woke up from a bite of a bee.
Almost went into shock.
Tried to get to the “doc”
Couldn’t make it, the dog ate my key.
The custodian, sad as could be,
Was whis’pring a holy-like plea:
“Oh Creator, above
I beg you, with love
Can you help me to find Master Key?”
Contest coming to end, eyes blurry,
neurons and dendrites in a flurry.
Syllables right amount,
rhyme, funny stories count.
Sending to Mad Kane judge and jury.
Two guys making love, you’ll agree,
Raises questions. It’s mostly these three.
It isn’t clear cut.
In bed they’ll do what
And with which and to whom. That is key.
Let’s add some proper punctuation marks.
Two guys making love, you’ll agree,
Raises questions. It’s mostly these three.
It isn’t clear cut.
In bed they’ll do what?
And with which? And to whom? That is key
If your mem’ry (like mine) tends to flee,
Then on road trips don’t carry (like me),
Extra back-up for locks,
In a small metal box,
That to open requires a key.
An Acrostic re Mad’s “Retirement Quandary”
Alas, quandaries come with a twist,
Adding stress we’d prefer to resist.
But please keep this in mind,
Be assertive, yet kind,
As you tell Mark how much he’ll be missed.
Since I’m deaf, just from hearing a gun
I write lim’rick-style send-ups for fun!
Stroke that Lock, – then the Trigger,
It makes you feel Bigger
“Happiness” (as John sang) “…a warm Pun”
With apologies (and love) to John Lennon.
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
Better version i hop[e;
Pompeo knew it was risky
Accepting a bottle of whisky,
At a cost of six grand,
So he used sleight of hand
And locked it up with his key
A Plea From Creative Writing Teacher
“Please write ONE sentence, don’t delay.
And that’s your lesson for today.
That “extra mile”
In any style.
Or I’ll get fired, come what May.
“It really is a simple task
A noun and verb is all I ask.
Cuz if you fail,
Then I shall sail
To Land Of Doom, in darkness bask.
Epilogue: I guess a teacher of creative writing should know
that’s it’s: A noun and verb ARE all I ask.
Or is it? LOL
Writing limericks an addiction,
currently having that affliction.
Need to stop rhyming “key,”
though been great fun for me.
New word excellent prescription.
Not A Duplicate
A Plea To All Of My Creative Writing Students, None Of Whom Ever Listen:
Write ONE sentence, and do not delay.
That’s my plea on this unpleasant day.
Go that one extra mile.
Write in any ‘ole style.
Of they’ll fire me soon, come what “May”
It’s not a real difficult task.
A noun and a verb’s all I ask.
For if you should fail,
I’m going to sail
To Doomsville, in darkness I’ll bask.
Screamed Donald: “The truth will prevail!
I’ll see you in prison, no fail!”
Joe’s reply was low-key:
“Why d’you think I’d agree
To come visit you when you’re in jail?”
(Double)
Split infinitives irritate me,
Like a singer who’s singing off-key
And can’t hit the right note,
Or as if Shakespeare wrote
“To be, or instead, to NOT be”.
I at last ’get’ the meaning of ‘Style’
(Kind of knew, but was still in denial):
Make my Lim’ricks less ‘static’, –
Less Mono-chromatic, –
More ‘colourful’, – None of the ‘Vile’.
Thanks for Waiting, I just had to Cull a
Rude Word, (made my Limerick Duller).
Thought I’d look up “Style Guide”
Now I’m RE-mystified, –
Seems my Lim’s must now All be one colour!
In poetry form or in prose,
There is no other writing like Poe’s.
For a frightening word
From a sinister bird,
He finds ravens more scary than crows.
An art forger I know said “You see, –
the correct colour palette is key.
‘Can’t show you my best, now
know Not where Faux-Art Thou!”
(They were earlier stolen by Me!).
Central Time vs. Eastern Standard Time
AKA Chicago vs. New York
If I think of a lim’rik at three,
It’s a big waste of time, cuz you see:
When it’s 3 o’clock here,
It’s 4 o’clock there.
And Mad’s locked the door with her key.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 475. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Wrap.