Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: February 27, 2021)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MEAN or MIEN or DEMEAN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to WEED(s), using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best -related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on February 28, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, February 27, 2021, at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my Mean/Mien/Demean-rhyme limerick:
A man who had long gone to seed,
Once was hunky and handsome, indeed.
But no more; he is mean,
Vain, and even obscene,
And his visage now mirrors his greed.
And here’s my Weed(s)-themed limerick:
I’m irate and upset: I’ve been sued
By a cranky, litigious old dude,
Who claims that my weeds
Wrecked his lawn with their seeds.
He’s a lawyer, which means that I’m screwed.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Appearance, Appearance Humor, Competition Limerick, Greed, Greed Humor, Law Humor, Law Limerick, Lawn Humor, Lawsuit Humor, Lawsuit Limerick, Lawyer Humor, Lawyer Limerick, Legal Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Litigation Humor, Litigation Limerick, Meanness Humor, Physical Appearance, Poetry & Prompts, Vanity Humor, Weed Humor, Weeds Humor, Writing Prompts
It’s a fact that I lose all control
When I’m dancing to rock or to soul.
Then I get me some weed.
Satisfaction indeed!
I sure love to rock and then roll.
I go in the restaurant and plead
For the key to the bathroom I need
See my bladder was swelled
Past bursting and well
I just ran to the toilet and wee’d
***********
Welcome back to my Limerick-Offs!
Mad Kane
For a year, we’ve had unanswered needs.
It’s real sad, but it sure supersedes
Our getting real sick.
My poor kids always stick
Close to home, all day long, pulling weeds.
My best friend was feeling blue
I didn’t no what I could do.
She always so sweet and nice
maybe I’ll boil her some multigrain rice
I’ll make it tommarrow today my essay is due.
“These are keys, which form words, that’s the screen.
In due course, this will all be routine”.
“Thank you so much, dear son,
This lesson’s been fun!
But just one more thing: whatcha’ mean?”
Just take a good look at her mien!
She’s ready to burst at the seam.
She searched ev’ry borough,
Was painfully thorough,
Yet can’t seem to find a vaccine.
I’ve surely no wish to demean
Their take on the limerick scene,
But I rear in fright
While they show delight
In thoughts that are not super clean!
Tribute to W.C. Fields (my hero)
That W.C. was real mean.
He vented quite often his spleen.
Little puppies he hated.
Little children, he stated,
Should neither be heard nor be seen.
Mike calls me his “hot beauty queen”
This man gave me a gold figurine!
At La Posh, we had pork.
But he used the wrong fork.
So I left him, cuz that was so mean.
this one is better
Mike calls me his “hot beauty queen”
Even gave me a gold figurine.
At “La Posh” we ate pork.
But he used the wrong fork,
Had to leave him cuz that was so mean.
A Letter from my Friend Hamlet
You say life is great? Beg your pardon!
My life’s gone to seed, and I harden.
What I most abhor,
The world is a whore;
And fie, she’s an unweeded garden.
Using too many words will impede
Writing lim’riks with tempo and speed.
Do not write that “we should”
Stay away from “we would”
They will be just as clever with we’d.
Said a nudist, “I love stinging nettles –
I sting both their leaves and their petals
With a weedkiller spray
Which just burns them away
And I relish those old scores it settles!
Remember that chap from Devizes
Whose bollocks were different sizes?
Well, he’s fathered fifteen
Which I take it must mean
They’re effective sperm-making devices.
I’ve heard that most dentists are keen
To study big cats which are mean.
They know that the ocelot
Does not really flocelot –
But his teeth are all sparkly and clean!
There once was a woman named Jean
Who had the most dignified mien.
“I’m addicted to soap,”
She admitted, “I hope
With treatment, I soon will come clean.”
I was higher than “Central Park Tower”
Cop stopped me, and sure made me cower.
He angrily said,
“Are you out of your head!
You were driving at 3 miles per hour”
In the court on the Isle of Nantucket
There’s a very weird case on the docket.
The defendant, indeed,
Shipped a shitload of weed;
That has sunk in the sea, ’cause he trucked it.
Bacon and Bean Soup
The soup is called “Bacon and Bean”
He made it for me, I’m his “queen”
He forgot “pinch of salt”
It sure was his fault
That I left him, cuz that was so mean.
an attempt to make a previous limerick humorous by changing line 5
Just an ATTEMPT! LOL
Using too many words will impede
Writing lim’riks with tempo and speed.
Do not write that “we should”
Stay away from “we could”
They’ll be funnier if you use we’d.
Ophelia’s a regular teen
Whose grades always fall in between
Not high and not low
Just average, although
To note it still seems pretty mean
I stand at the mirror and preen.
You never saw such a fab mien!
My smile is perfection,
So don’t show objection
To eyes that do squint a bit mean.
My love gallops home on his steed.
Though tired, I hope he’ll have need
To get laid in the stable
As soon as he’s able
To spoon with me, smoking good weed.
I have to declutter this room
And weed out stuff really quite soon.
But what shall I save?
All things that I crave,
The ice cream, the spoon, the balloon!
Sorry, I don’t know how the above limerick got printed twice Please delete one of them. Thanks!
***********
Done.
Some children learn how to be mean
by repeating all that they’ve seen.
On a diet of Trump
turning thinking men chumps,
I fear this batch turning eighteen.
My dishwasher’s gone on the blink.
The dishes piled high in the sink.
I find it so mean,
No guests to be seen,
They fled fast after food and last drink!
Mrs. Cultured had elegant class,
Of a kind not a soul could surpass.
Her dignified mien
And air so serene
Annoyed all those jerks who were crass.
better in tense
Mrs. Cultured has elegant class,
Of a kind, not a soul could surpass.
Her dignified mien
And air so serene
Piss off all those jerks who are crass.
A slight modification to the limerick submitted earlier today at 1:14
My old dishwasher’s gone on the blink.
Dirty dishes piled high in the sink.
I find it so mean,
No guests to be seen,
They fled fast after food and last drink!
Mr. Putrid, please leave me alone.
Your crude bearing is very well-known.
I can’t stand your mien.
It is truly obscene.
You’re making me sick. Oh Marone!
A woman whose skin is bright green
Is the nastiest witch ever seen.
She will terrorize you
(And your little dog, too).
Her behavior in toto is mean.
I’m sick of my “Johnny Boy’s” sass.
He must learn to get off of his ass.
The lawn he must mow,
And boy did he go.
When I told him ’bout weeds in the grass.
The reverse:
Johnny only takes care of his needs.
And therefore, he never succeeds.
I said, “You must mow”
And boy! did he go.
When I told him there’s grass in the weeds.
“My Nosy Neighbor”
“Last evening, I stood here and stared
At your garden, I see you’ve not cared
That your weeds are so high.
It just makes me cry
That even your scarecrow was scared”
If you’re going to visit the Queen,
You had better brush up on your mien.
Dont do THESE: burp, fart, drop
The F-bomb, talk nonstop,
Pimple-pop, forgo proper hygiene.
Nick’s sixTEEN, hates drugs, WEEDS, booze, caffeine.
Only one thing improves his whole mien:
Cigarettes have pizzazz –
All he wants, all he has
So he’s quite well-known AS “Nick-o-teen.”
Did you ever go visit a zoo?
Have you ever smelled zoo critters’ poo?
If you’ve never smelled weed,
It’s okay, there’s no need
They’re the same, it’s agreed (you will too!)
I have heard that Big Pharma is mad
Because cannabis makes people glad.
It can usually heal
And can make patients feel
Full of good health and zeal (not too bad!)
I really don’t mean to demean
But your nose does resemble a bean.
You’ve got eyes like fried eggs,
You’ve got toothpicks for legs
And your torso’s a keg in between.
I just want to help out, intervene
And I’m sure you know just what I mean.
And you don’t have to wear
Any costume to scare
All the kids at this year’s Halloween.
If you give groups of boys each a gun,
Pretty soon they will shoot ev’ryone.
But put weed in their hand
And they soon form a band
And spread peace in the land, having fun.
How’s a gardener battling weeds
Like a john craving sexual deeds?
Answer: each has a goal
At the end of a pole.
A ho(e) will serve both of their needs.
The weeds in my yard make me leary,
Tall creatures that stalk me — it’s eerie.
They hide pistils that shoot
Through my foil hazmat suit.
(It’s true. Not conspiracy theory).
Murphey’s bar served the finest poteen,
Though twas naught but a lowly shebeen.
Measures tended to tall –
Not thimbolic at all.
Murphy’s law states, “We mustn’t be mean.”
Strolling timpanist, Algowrithe Hymne,
Took the trouble to keep himself trim,
For, “A corpulent mien
Just ain’t sprightly, old bean.
I’ve got vim and to spare if I’m slim.”
The wife of poor Jeremy Green
Is the nastiest bitch ever seen
To hell she’d subject him
Then offer her rectum,
The end justifying the mean.
Limerick colleagues of mine
Whose limericks all are so fine
This warning please heed:
Avoid too much weed
Or you may lose track of how many syllables are going into each line.
With toothbrush, the punished marine
Was ordered to clean the latrine
The brush he got crap in
Belonged to the captain
Which was, on the whole, rather mean.
Strolling timpanist, Algowrithe Hymne,
Took the trouble to keep himself slim,
For, “A corpulent mien
Just ain’t sprightly, old bean.
I’ve got vim and to spare if I’m trim.”
Small change but much better.
Even though it is charm that you crave,
With a weed whacker, you must be brave.
It’s a dangerous tool.
Do not be a fool.
Don’t buy one, be smart, and just shave.
It’s not that I wish to be mean,
But in conscience, I must intervene.
It is for your own good
That I urge you: You should
Bathe more often and use Listerine.
The brownies I bake? Guaranteed
To please the whole crowd. I’ll concede:
They can taste a bit grassy,
But folks find them classy.
My secret? I spike them with weed!
I this wrote for a neighbour to hang on the fence of her roadside vege garden…
If you have an irresistible need,
Feel free to help me de-weed.
If not a gardening recruit
Still feel free to eat fruit.
Salut, good health and God Speed.
and…
If there be fruit in this spot,
Feel free to eat. Not the lot.
Feel free to weed,
But of bees please heed
And leave some flowers in this plot.
The Agapanthus plant is a weed
That not only grows from its seed,
But not generally known
From the roots can be grown,
And that is a warning to heed.
The ne’er ending war against weeds,
The plants that no hungry mouth feeds.
No sooner sent
To compost to rent,
Spring forth the familial seeds.
In response to Jean McEwen’s verse of Feb. 17 @ 6:41 pm:
But the maskless folks seem to be mean
They come TOO close to me when I’m clean!
So with tireless persistence,
I’ve a smelly existence
It’s called ‘social distance hygiene.’
Cinderella’s stepmom (drama queen)
And stepsisters were horribly mean.
I’d have poisoned their soup,
Stuffed their shoes with cat poop.
With their toothbrushes, toilet bowl’s clean!
“Earthly Paradise”
Oh no! It’s my hand! and it’s bleedin’
I feel like I’m just not succeedin’
But I will not give in.
I’ll continue and grin.
In my heaven-sent garden of weedin’
By-law officer came and would nag,
“Grass and weeds are too high! Do not lag!”
And said, “But! If you’re smart,
You would flash me, you tart!”
So I did, but he started to gag.
A good way of letting off steam
Is cursing to say what you mean
With words that ain’t purty
And some downright dirty
As long as your mind is still clean
For one year and a day Widow Steeds
Had endured the obligatory weeds.
But no more! From today
They would colour her gay,
And pronounce her the Queen of Misdeeds.
(That’s gay in the old-fashioned way)
Right-wing hacks used to hurry to score
Angry points in their “cultural war” —
To be first on the scene
With their rage, loud and mean.
But today? There’s no Rush anymore.
Our Mad is most certainly keen.
She’s a writer and wordsmith “machine”
When her winners are crowned,
We’ll be sure that they found
The mysterious meaning of mien.
Nymphomaniacal Jeanne
Had two ears but not much in between
But her suitors enjoyed
A different void
If you know, my dear friends, what I mean.
Lawn perfectionist, Emerson Flaunts,
Would wake screaming. “The image! It haunts!
Grinning up from the sward,
Like a rampaging horde,
Dandelions and daisies hurl taunts.”
Thank you, Lisi! Your post – three above – made me rethink, and I concluded that I might be pushing my luck. So …
Strolling timpanist, Algowrithe Hymne,
Took the trouble to keep himself slim,
“Can’t be portly, I mean,
Just ain’t sprightly, old bean.
I’ve got vim and to spare if I’m trim.”
I suppose that it’s mean to demean,
Passerby who pass by me unclean;
So I’ll say (to be fair)
A malodorous air,
Gives new meaning to mien that’s unseen.
Although I did plenty of seedin’,
I’m unsure of what I’ve been feedin’.
Success, you might say,
Seems a long ways away;
Just look at my garden of weed-in.
Them weeds are forever undyin’
Couldn’t pull them, I just started cryin’
I thought I would croak
When one of them spoke:
“Hello!” I’m your fine dandy lion”
Mad: above limerick: There is a lower-case “h” at the bottom of my limerick.
I don’t know how it got there, but could you please delete it?
Thank you,
Lisi
***
Done.
No more rough times for this rockin’ teen.
He’s now part of the musical scene.
He may look like a bum
When he’s beating his drum,
But his followers crave that tough mien!
A better idea (?)
Them weeds are forever undyin’
Couldn’t grab them, which made me start cryin’
I thought I would croak
When one of them spoke:
“Hello!” my name’s Fine Dandy Lion.
The former guy’s angry and mean;
Still constantly venting his spleen.
But lately the spew
Is no longer in view;
His Twitter bird flew from the scene.
Lisi – I just noticed that you used the phrase “garden of weedin’ ”
in your post (#58) before mine (#68) above; I apologize – you
got there first!!
Dave J.
I got new glasses yesterday and my wife is at our eye doc now getting her annual exam, so this came to mind.
Shortsighted Hindsight ~
Our visage became very poor:
2020 made everyone sore,
and all that we’d seen
left us with such a mien
that new glasses can’t settle the score.
The drug counselor asked, “Who would need
This bud or this leaf or this seed?
And who’d waste an hour
Just smoking this flower?”
And we quickly answered him: “We’d!”
Fine’ly Donald is out of the scene.
Getting used to another routine.
Did you know ’bout the club
That gave him a snub,
And called him “The Best of ‘Da Mean?”
February, 2021
The weather’s turned suddenly mean.
Out of doors all I see is a sheen
Of smooth, silver ice.
It would really be nice
Were it May, and the landscape soft green.
Augustinian, Everard Spleen,
Knew full well that his thoughts were unclean.
And fight as he might,
His unwholesome delight
Was forever betrayed in his mien.
Lawn perfectionist, Emerson Flaunts,
Would wake screaming, “The image! It haunts!
Grinning up from the sward,
Like a Mardi Gras horde,
Dandelions and daisies hurl taunts.”
Sorry, but I realised that most rampagers don’t grin. I vertainly don’t.
To the casual observer, her mien
Would suggest that her mind was serene.
‘Twould have come as a shock
To know thoughts ran amok
Seeking new ways of venting her spleen.
Mad, would you remove the ‘s’ from news in the last line of the above, please. Thank you.
********
done.
Response to Tony Holmes’ Limerick of Feb. 18
Hi there Tony, I’m glad you did say
Though the widow you mentioned was gay
I do think you did mean
She was never obscene
As in David and Jonathan’s way
I have found, when excessively keen,
To discover the true golden mean,
I will run to and fro,
As I search high and low,
And leave no time for much in between.
acrostic
W hen Mary and John looked outside,
E ach one of them stood there and cried.
E v’ry flower so bright
(D amaged by plight).
S hriveled up and then finally died.
When deer are out doing their deeds,
This guideline each one of them heeds:
“We’re claiming these flowers
And yard plants as ours;
Those humans can have all the weeds.”
“This winter’s so nasty and mean;
It’s freezing like I’ve never seen!
We’re leaving today
For a Mexican stay
And making our getaway clean”.
But wait, on the news – there’s his face!
That Lone Star mask fitted in place.
His trip was so short
‘Cuz he had to abort;
Arriving back home in disgrace.
“I’ll tell them the kids made me go;
That suitcase was merely for show.”
He’s in a bad space,
For tomorrow he’ll face
Constituents covered with snow.
There once was a woman named Sunny.
Her job was to write things quite funny
She wrote lim’ricks with speed
When she smoked grade A weed,
But never could make any money.
Oh mea culpa, a typo! Line 1, the word is named, not names. Please make the change. Thanks!
*********
Done.
“Weeds in the Grass, and Grass in the Weeds”
I’m sick of my “Johnny Boy’s” sass.
He must learn to get off of his ass.
The lawn he must mow.
And boy! did he go,
When I told him there’s weed in the grass.
Johnny only takes care of his needs.
And therefore, he never succeeds.
I said, “You must mow!’
And boy! did he go,
When I told him there’s grass in the weeds.
When Johnny Boy finally mowed,
The lawn looked so grand it just glowed!
He took care of the weeds.
Even scattered some seeds.
Soon Johnny will reap what he sowed.
Mad: above 3 verse limerick:
Could you please change the very last line from
“Soon Johnny will reap what he sowed”….to
One day, Johnny will reap what he sowed.
Thank You,
Lisi
Bad idea. You’re creating a meter ambiguity in the last line, if that change is made.
A new villain has come on the scene,
With a selfish and arrogant mein.
He knows it’s his place
To not cover his face;
And the maskhole rebuffs quarantine.
There were times, not long past, when mores
Were less free than they are nowadays.
Workplace dons, of fierce miens,
Imposed codes, forbad jeans,
Until sashaying girls changed their ways.
There were times, not long past, when mores
Were less free than they are nowadays.
Workplace dons, of fierce miens,
Imposed codes, forbad jeans,
Until sashaying girls changed their ways.
Case in point: don and lacky confer
As a denim clad missy named Fleur
Passes by. “Sir! This means—”
“The end justifies jeans.”
And a lacky, outranked, must defer.
Opinion hosts play to the needs
Of those who would swear by their screeds.
The touchstone is Fox
Where they nurture their crocks
Like so many poisonous weeds.
My “shrink” is amazingly keen:
A virtual “physic machine”.
She guessed all my issues.
Then handed me tissues.
When she spotted my “in the dumps” mien.
I know an old lady so keen.
She thinks herself funny, t’would seem,
But her jokes at their best
Would not pass my laugh test;
I don’t, of course, mean to demean.
He shows a cantankerous mien;
Intent on provoking a scene.
He’s letting us know
Just who’s running the show:
Our cat, when his box isn’t clean.
The name makes you think you are young!
You know it’s “The Senior Place Scene”
When ev’ry one thinks they’re eighteen.
They all cannot hear.
Even when you are near.
And they all have that real slouchy mien.
too many of the same words above ……try again
“The name makes you think that you’re young”
You know it’s “The Senior Place Scene”
When ev’ry one thinks they’re eighteen.
And no one can hear,
Even when you are near.
And they all have that real slouchy mien.
Grizzled whaler, awash with baleen,
Took to carving a life figurine.
Moby Dick was his theme,
And, his eyes all agleam,
Captain A of maniacal mien.
“The indignity! Quick, nurse, the screen!
Such exposure can only demean.
It’s an outrage! Just wed,
Tackle stapled to bed –
And for heaven’s sake, lose that sardine.”
Hey there Tony, I have to come clean
Our e-friendship I would not demean
You don’t call, you don’t write
And that’s not quite all right
So just write me a lim’rick, old bean
What with weeds, germs, and virus galore,
I was sure we had ev’ry known spore.
But it seems we are short
The microbial sort,
So we’ve flown off to Mars to get more.
In a folder, just waiting like weeds
Are some lim’ricks that nobody reads
But old Captain Ahab
Is waiting for rehab
With this nettle of truth he still pleads
I’ve hunted that whale on high seas
And now I can’t pee with great ease
I might just be sick
I’ve caught moby dick
And that is a social disease
“Hello, Rudy! Wow! Pleasant surprise.
An e-chum come in discursive guise.
Should we p’raps reconvene?
No, not that. What I mean,
A new topic perhaps? You advise.”
Their lawn is a carpet of green;
The nicest that I’ve ever seen.
On ours, there are lots
Of bright yellow dots;
With round fuzzy things in-between.
For Rudy: A Word Of Commiseration:
“I’m so sorry to hear of your plight.
Are you pressured, at all, in the night?
Are you grateful you’ve peed –
Over here we say weed –
Or let down ‘cause you felt that you might?”
As most of us know, at every ball park, it is a tradition for the crowd to sing
“Take Me Out To The Ballgame”
We watch baseball each Spring on the screen.
But some of those “jocks” are obscene.
And no body chants
Watching “itch in the pants”
Cuz that’s a real sickening mien.
For Tony. Invitation accepted.
And why not? We can maintain decorum
By our using a less crowded forum.
This, I now mean to fix
“Dial” ydur36
Then at hotmail dot com, we’ll have more room.
Along edge of the sidewalk she tries
To trim grass, and I want to advise
Her a way that improves
On her weed wacker moves,
But I can’t get a word in edge-wise.
Making Amends
My last lim’rick, I now must concede
Did not mention a single wild weed.
And I’m sure you have seen
My misplacement of “mean”,
Two egregious transgressions, indeed.
Lawn perfectionist, Emerson Flaunts,
Was in therapy. Yes, prospect daunts.
It was hoped he’d sow seeds
That would banish his weeds,
But his first job? Forgiving those taunts.
There are some things one can not forgive,
Despite sayings like “live and let live”.
If you’ve weeds of the mind,
I just can not be kind.
Get some help! That’s advice I do give.
Coded message to Rudy. I’ve dialled.
Check your email and see where it’s filed.
You will know what I mean.
I look forward, old bean,
I do hope that you haven’t resiled.
A porn star expecting a mate,
J. Mehoff was very irate.
Now there for the scene,
He was quick to demean;
Reminding her “Me Jack – you late!”
A boy was caught smoking weed
Then he quickly hid a seed
He planted it quick
When he learned a new trick
How to grow weed with great speed
His words were meant to demean
While putting on a big scene
He spoke harsh and loud
Made a scene for the crowd
He had drank lots of coffee with caffeine
My retriever is halfway between
Pale yellow and orange in sheen.
If you think he’s a cur,
Take a look at his fur —
He’s authentic. A real Golden Mean.
(Double)
At last, it’s stopped freezing and snowing;
It’s Spring, and my garden is growing …
Bloody hell! I’ve just seen
Mother Nature’s been mean –
It’s only the weeds that are showing!
“It’s a matter of health and hygiene.
Wash your hands when you use the latrine.”
“Is that ante or post?”
“Don’t be pert or you’re toast.
You know perfectly well what I mean.”
(Double Two)
Ruthless drug dealer, Melonie Seeds,
Cultivated and sold many weeds.
Addicts dubbed her, ‘The Queen’,
And disarmed by her mien,
Would routinely sign over their deeds.
Anything Brian can do, I can do … also.
(Just teasing B)
On Feb. 14th. I wrote this limerick: (5:21 PM)
Using too many words will impede
Writing lim’riks with tempo and speed.
Do not write that “we should”
Stay away from “we could”
They’ll be funnier if you use we’d.
My mistake was in line 4.
“we could” does not stand for we’d. It should have been “Stay away from we would” Here is the correct one:
Using too many words will impede
Writing lim’riks with tempo and speed.
Do not write that “we should”
Stay away from ” we would”
They’ll be funnier if you use we’d.
(better!)
He’s got muscles like I’ve never seen.
Yet his body is sexy and lean.
He’s a hunk, that’s for sure.
Wish he’d knock on my door!
It’s Popeye! Who else would I mean?
When young, I found MaryJane sublime
Although if caught then, you could do time
But now there’s a dispensary
And though still an expense for me
I no longer worry it’s a crime.
Algebra and Geometry are seen
By some students as entirely obscene.
Probability and Statistic
Seems intentionally sadistic
When they tell you the average is mean.
Poison ivy’s a weed straight from hell.
I just found some while sitting a spell
(If you know what I mean)
In a rustic latrine.
Where I itch is too awkward to tell.
For Tim in his hour of need:
Oh, poor Tim! Red and swollen, I mean …
And the image! It’s vaguely obscene.
Red baboon sprang to mind –
Yes, I know that’s unkind,
But ‘twas you, my dear Tim, set the scene.
A friend in deed?
Oh, poor Tim! Red and swollen, I mean …
And the image! It’s vaguely obscene.
Red baboon sprang to mind –
Yes, I know that’s unkind,
But ‘twas you, my dear Tim, set the scene.
It is said of the friend who has needs …
This will sort out the blooms from the weeds.
You will need an ally,
A true friend to apply …
We must hope your petition succeeds.
A pre-emptive …
It occurs to me Tim – I feel mean –
That you might think that I’ll intervene.
Je regret, mon ami,
I can’t be there for thee.
It’s a, ‘So far – no further!’ type scene.
It’s time for those sweet April Showers.
We shall gaze at our blossoms for hours.
Hope they’re not scared of weeds,
And all their misdeeds.
Let’s tell them they’re just unloved flowers.
My “Johnny Boy” loves to revert
To the time he was called “little squirt”.
And pulling the weeds
Always answers those needs
(As a baby he always ate dirt).
Hey “Former Guy” – what does it mean?
Your taxes are now being seen.
Perhaps they may show
How your future will go:
A prison yard where you can preen.
To-may-to, To-mah-to. But how do you pronounce “Leisure”?
Enjoying his ill begot treasure
Trump means to just spend it at leisure.
An IRS seizure
Will get him more leisure.
In prison! Won’t that be a pleasure!
Oops. I’ve done it again. I submitted a limerick with “mean” in the middle of a line, instead of at the end. And the only weeds are the ones in my mind. Another senior moment.
**************
From Mad Kane
Though it doesn’t qualify for this contest, it’s very clever!
It’s the way of the bully – demean.
That the victim might turn – unforeseen.
See the look on his face
When you spray him with mace.
Take a moment and savour the scene.
At a fancy shop called, “Debonair”
George bought Gracie a hat with chic flair.
With a floral design,
That looked simply divine.
Soon Gracie found weeds in her hair.
All weeds give a frightful impression.
I eavesdropped on Bull Thistle’s session:
“Oh doc” I’ve been sad
Since you told me I had
A sickness called “Non-Stop Progression”.
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
Hi Mad,
Thank you for your reply. Please keep in mind that even Shakespeare goofed now and then. His most famous line of iambic pentameter actually ends with an amphibrach.
To be/ or not/ to be/ that is/ the question (da-DUM-da)
I’m sure he would have been great at limericks.
Rudy
**************
from Mad:
LOL!
Donald whines: “I’ve been treated so mean!
People claim that no fraud has been seen,
But the proof is right there,
I can feel it. I swear,
I’m the President who should have been!”
“Our glyphosate kills every weed,
And it’s perfectly safe”, is their creed.
But Monsanto are lying,
And people are dying –
They need to keep feeding their greed.
Six women, all young, fit and keen
Wanted ACTION (you know what I mean) –
Now they all loved one guy
And he said he would try –
The funeral’s next week in Racine.
Strolling timpanist, Algowrithe Hymne,
On occasion went out on a limn.
He could capture the mien
Of a guardsman or queen:
One serene, and the former, most grim.
TRUE! About a week ago I admitted to Mad that I didn’t know the meanings of 2 words that she used, and told her
that I would learn them.
My definitions are not exactly correct, but they had to fit into a limerick I have titled “A Promise is a Promise”
Miss “Obsequious” bows to the queen.
She’s agreed to a servile routine.
And Miss “Scurrilous” tries
To spread dirty lies.
See Mad? now I know what they mean!
“My garden grows wild with fresh dill.
I know it’s a weed. Yes, but still
It’s really great eats,
Goes great on some beets.
I smoke it whenever I’m ill.”
it’s not 4:52
It’s 3:52
*********
From Mad:
Don’t worry about my time stamp. I live in NYC and I know you posted in time. (My blog software is off by an hour. Perhaps a standard time/ savings time issue.)
PS feel free to correct your last line which is the wrong rhyme. I have to go out and do some errands. So you have some extra time.
Title: “Dreadful Limerick”
Mad has endless, perpetual verve.
To her poets, she always does serve
A whole lot of fun.
She’s now on the run.
And all I can say is, SOME NERVE!
(:
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 464. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Do.