Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MOUSSE or MOOSE or VAMOOSE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 2, 2021)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MOUSSE or MOOSE or VAMOOSE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ART, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ART-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 3, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 2, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my MOUSSE/MOOSE/VAMOOSE-rhyme limerick:
I encountered a moose and a goose
On the roadway and told them, “Vamoose!”
They ignored me, alas,
So my car could not pass.
(I’m still there shouting verbal abuse.)
And here’s my ART-themed limerick:
The wall had an animal frieze;
Cows and goats, with occasional trees–
Mostly evergreens — laurel —
And images floral.
Lovely art, but one look made me sneeze.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Allergy Humor, Animal & Pet Humor, Art Humor Art Limerick, Car & Driving Humor, Competition Limerick, Driving Humor, Frieze Humor, Geese Humor, Goose Humor, Goose Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Moose Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
I have heard that the mighty St. Lawrence,
Which flows to the sea in huge torrents,
Can sometimes turn puce,
When it’s full of moose;
But I think it’s a quite rare occurrence.
In the Louvre yesterday they’d bad luck;
A suicide bomber had struck.
Surrounded by remnants
Of Rubens and Rembrandts,
The Venus de Milo said, “Flipping heck! What on earth just happened there?”
There once was a man, name of Bruce,
Whose animal totem was moose.
He gave no excuse.
He just liked those moose.
For mousse, he cared not a deuce.
Sister Hubert has got a pet moose
who she rides through the forests of spruce.
When they charge down the trails
you can hear from the vales
“It’s that nun on her moose! Let’s vamoose!”
Antlers in the treetops obtuse
We must, somehow get them loose
This will be quite a task
But you know we must ask
Who in the world goosed the moose
He said “you’re low life has no basis
You can’t even tie your shoe laces”
So she let loose a fart
That was “state of the art”
And parted his hair in three places.
After tests, Donald’s doctors deduce
There’s a brain, but it isn’t much use.
From the scan, they surmise
It’s the colour and size
Of a teaspoon of chocolate mousse.
Said the redneck, “I don’t give a goat’s fart
For music by old Wolfie Mozart.
And as for Joe Haydn,
He’s dumber than Biden,
Who’s mastered the ‘How to steal votes’ art.”
(The great Hunter scandal – no, not that one …)
They’d gone hunting, but due to disuse,
Eric’s grip on the trigger was loose,
And he shot brother Don
Who’s now mounted upon
A gold plaque that was meant for a moose.
I thought I had captured a moose.
I pulled him along with a noose.
No more feeling of dread.
I was sure he was dead.
Till he told me my hubcaps were loose.
In the Park on a road, saw two moose
That were out eating lunch running loose.
We approached very slow;
Off the road watched them go
Among trees and then simply vamoose.
A Motto To Live By
I used to think life had no use
Till the day that I came to deduce:
“We don’t need great wealth,
But we must have our health,
And a fix of great choc-o-late mousse”.
A very minor change in L4 and L5 of the limerick written today at 4:54 PM
I used to think life had no use
Till the day that I came to deduce:
“We don’t need great wealth,
But we must have good health,
And a fix of some choc-o-late mousse”.
(better)
My trig teacher told me, “Vamoose!
All the sines tell me you are obtuse.
Off on tangents you go.
And for right, you don’t know
Adjacent from hypotenuse.”
Minnie’s neck skin was wrinkled and loose;
Said her friend, “Try my anti-age mousse!”
Now her skin’s firm and tight —
But she looks like a fright
With a long skinny neck like a goose.
If you’re Swedish, the chance is a moose,
Which, in Sweden, can roam around loose,
Will collide with your car,
Drive you never so far,
And the reasons are often abstruse.
“To the follicly challenged, hair mouse
Is a mockery. What is the use?
I’ve no need of a comb.
Will it polish my dome?
It’s a hairorist form of abuse!”
“You are follicly challenged, Herr Mousse!
Whereas I …” “Ya, I noticed – profuse!
But remember, Mein Herr,
That profusion of hair,
Has, apart from für frauleins, no use.”
An albatross feels too light and loose.
Trump hangs ’round our necks like a noose!
‘Tween stirring secession
and tweeting dedition,
why won’t this lame f— just vamoose!
To me, Mona Lisa is not
Remarkable, awesome, or hot.
That real well-known smile
Sure doesn’t beguile.
Cuz it looks like she just got a shot.
My mommy likes art very much.
She taught me ’bout abstracts and such.
But MY fav-rite style
Which just makes me smile
Is the painting that’s know as “Don’t Touch”
OOPS! L5 of above limerick should read: Is the painting that’s known
as “Don’t Touch”……(not) Is the painting that’s know as Don’t touch”
Could you please fix that for me, Mad?
Thank You,
Lisi
another limerick about “The Mona Lisa”
Ev’ry one of the connoisseurs say,
“Mona Lisa’s the world’s best display.
And that real well-known smile
Represents the famed style
Called “The Novocaine’s Wearing Away”.
Her hair was long, lovely, and loose;
Then she teased it, and styled it with mousse.
But the men stayed away
When she kept it that way.
(She shouldn’t have dyed it chartreuse.)
In a flash of great brilliance and wit
I’ve created a work that’s a hit.
By painting a moose
On a moving caboose
I’m a highly trained artist, no shit!
While exploring a wooded recluse,
I ran into a two-headed moose!
The ol’ dear didn’t maim me,
But, still, can you blame me
For hollering, “Hey! What the deuce?”
5th. grade trip to art museum ‘ White Fire’
Saw a painting that just made me groan.
On a wall by itself it was shown.
All it had were two lines
And no other designs.
I think that its name was ‘On Loan’
(Mad: for some reason, my quotation marks aren’t working, so I had to use
this:’)
With those lovers of custard out there,
Here’s a dieting tip I must share:
If you fear too much mousse
May enlarge your caboose,
Eat just half. Put the rest in your hair.
Okay, he’s a little obtuse.
But I love him, so called it a truce.
They ‘fizz out’ the same.
And it wasn’t his aim
To shave with my ‘Lovely Locks Mousse’
Santa’s coming ; he’s now on the loose.
We’ve left him some cookies and juice.
He had to think quick
cuz one reindeer got sick.
Then replaced him with ‘Rudolph The Moose’.
Repairing my previous limerick…
Her hair was long, lovely, and loose;
Then she teased it and slicked it with mousse.
The new ‘do, sad to say,
Drove her boyfriend away.
Perhaps ’twas the color: chartreuse.
“There is more to be said, so take heart.
Pay no heed to the critics. Your fart
Has uniqueness of tone.
Is, moreover, your own.
So, by modern-day standards, it’s art.”
At a gallery, experts all know
They must study the painting real slow.
But not this one in white
Which had nothing in sight.
Called, ‘Polar Bear Caught In The Snow’
A twofer??
“I owe all that I am to my moose.
On the day she arrived I cut loose.
She’s the source of my art
And she’s taken my heart,
Which is why we are sharing her boose.”
Sorry!
“I owe all that I am to my moose.
On the day she arrived I cut loose.
She’s the source of my art
And she’s stolen my heart.
This explains why we’re sharing her boose.”
Mad EDIt !!
Please delete that ridiculous limerick I wrote about the Lion King.
(today ay 3:08 PM) Line 5 the word swear sure doesn’t rhyme with mousse
I will try it later when I come to my senses!
Thank You,
Lisi
*******
Done.
If you notice Roger Stone’s nose,
Like Pinocchio’s it grows.
He’s perfected the art
Of tell a lie at the start
Then continue with low hitting blows.
So you wrote “The Art of the Deal”.
A book how to lie, cheat and steal.
That claim’s a bit trite
As you didn’t actually write,
You forgot that part in your spiel.
Trump’s smile shows he’s not real,
It broadcasts the smugness he feels.
For a man who’s so smart,
He hasn’t a heart,
But that’s part of the “Art of the Deal”.
Trump complains Republican engineered pay out is too small… wants it increased substantially.
So you wait until they have voted
Before your chagrin is noted.
Is this part by your art
That you play off by heart
Of appealing to your devoted.
”Put one of your eyes on your nose.
Put the other one down to your toes”
” I’m so glad, ”Mr. Pab”
That you like our Rehab
For your subjects, (Yeah!) I’m next to pose”
Speaking out on behalf of all moose,
Their liaison demanded a truce.
“Hunting isn’t much fun
For a moose with no gun,
So, we’re taking up arms. Let’s cut loose!”
There once was a dumbass named Bruce
Who was last seen harassing a moose.
“I’ve no reason to fear
‘Cause it’s just a big deer!”
There’s a downside to being obtuse….
A small number of flatulent moose
Learned to harmonise digesting spruce.
Their mellifluent farts
Breathed new life into arts
That were languishing. Brought down the hoose!
My chihuahua’s exceedingly smart.
I love her with all of my heart.
She looks out all day
To watch birdies at play.
She’s an expert at ” Window Dog Art”
True !!
My computer has almost no use.
It’s old and it cannot produce
Some letters for ”shift key”
And that really irks me.
It’s time now to tell it ”Vamoose”
Smallish numbers of flatulent moose
Achieved harmony chewing wild spruce.
Their mellifluent farts
Have revitalised arts
That were languishing, due to misuse.
Did you ever wake up and see spots?
They’re not really spots; they are dots.
You’re not going crazy,
And things aren’t hazy.
The dots that you see are Seurat’s.
When the world closes in, I vamoose
And take refuge. Surrounded by spruce
I reflect on my art
Till it’s time to depart,
As I’m only a part-time recluse.
This kitchen! There’s nothing of use!
I wanted to make chocolate mousse.
And I really was keen
to cook some tagine,
but there’s only enough to make cous.
A photographer said, “While it’s true
I take pictures of folks as they screw,
It’s a form of pure art.
It shows love, warmth, and heart.”
Yeah, my lim’ricks are “poetry,” too.
Upon eyeing the size of its scrotum,
Big Bob said, “The moose is my totem!
There’s no finer deuce
Than the pair on a moose!”
(If you tend to agree, you can quote him.)
Some of us know that our Donald is loose
He makes shoes from the skin of a moose
He shaved off the hair
To make them look bare
But we still want to tell him “Vamoose!”
For Donald deceit is an art
It’s a track down which I won’t start
His name’s real meaning
Is a shade too demeaning
If, like me, you have a weak heart.
You may think me a bit declasse
‘Cause to me, a Manet and Monet
Kind of both look the same.
Go ahead: try to shame
Me; your snobbery’s on full display.
Good God, how can you be so obtuse?
As to think that a goose on the loose
Will eat out of your hand?
Let me tell you, first hand:
If you value your life, you’ll vamoose!
When the art teacher did a critique
Of my work, my art future looked bleak.
And I listened with dread
When the art teacher said
To brush up on my painting technique.
Bill’s stint – posing naked for art
Got off to a glorious start.
He debuted his ass
At the newly-filled class
By launching a tear-gassing fart.
I spent days in pursuit of my art.
I gave all, having made a good start.
My plan, to win Myrtle
With gift of carved spurtle,
So my oats would be stirred from the heart.
Sorry Dave, probably Bill’s sister posing
At an attic in old Montparnasse
We artists just start a life class
That where they teach us
To focus on features
But I see only tits and her ass
”Look Out Below!!”
Sistine Chapel !! There’s none to compare.
Michelangelo painted with care.
Yet most people don’t know
He was not a true ”pro”
Lots of paint landed right in his hair.
Mr. and Mrs. Art Maven
We went to the ”Modern Art Store”
We’re familiar with art to the core.
And when we went in,
It was sure a ”win win”
cuz the paintings matched all our decor.
I’ve spent days in pursuit of ma art.
Giving all for to win ma girl’s heart.
I have whittled a spurtle,
And carved her name, ‘Myrtle’,
So she’ll stir ma oats right from the start.
Moose Porn?
“It’s becoming a habit, Ms Use,”
Said the judge, “I will hear your excuse.”
“I’d no choice, Judge, the shoot
Was in woods. ‘The Pursuit’ –
I get chased by a bloody great moose.”
“You were naked Ms Use, were you not?”
“Oh, I was, Judge. They angled the shot
So the punters could get
A real eyeful. The vet
Said me assets was core to the plot.”
“And these photographs? They played a part.”
“They’re promotion, Judge. Truth – ‘and on heart.”
“They’re obscene! Horny moose
And you, naked, Ms Use.”
“The photographer said they was art.”
She pretends she’s a fan of the ballet
Just loves The Burghers of Calais
I like tacos and pies
My burgers with fries
Culture is not up my alley
Andy Warhol, the Campbell Soup man,
Produced pop art peeved pundits would pan:
“It won’t pass!” It’s absurd!”
“He’s so crass!” They concurred.
Still, he wouldn’t stop painting his can.
“Need a bull who fits tightly, not loose,”
Sighs a cow in the mood for a goose.
Thinking kosher – no hoods,
She traverses the woods
On her search for a certain-sized moose.
I know this sounds rather insane.
So let me attempt to explain:
At the ”Art Lover’s Mall”
On a fully blank wall
Was nothing,
Called ”Donald Trump’s Brain”
“Wash your hands and stay six feet apart!”
“Wear a mask and don’t cough, sneeze or fart!”
“Rush to get the vaccine!”
…Do you see what I mean
When I say staying healthy’s an art?
It’s an art with strict rules, but worthwhile:
By next fall, we’ll be living in style —
Watching plays, eating mousse
In cafes, and seduc-
Ing our friends with a hug and a smile.
A critic who hates bold abstraction
Expresses his dissatisfaction:
“You’d have to be bollocks
To say Jackson Pollocks
Display a deliberate action.”
Andy studied at my alma mater,
Where canned soup provided him fodder,
Dear old Carnegie Tech,
Where some thought he made dreck,
But earned many a check for a lot-ter.
The building brings gasps of delight,
Cantilevered and just the right height
Above the cascade:
Fallingwater. It made
The career of the great Frank Lloyd Wright.
Note: If you’ve never visited that marvel of art and science in Mill Run PA, I recommend it. Combine it with a visit to the nearby whitewater rapids of the Youghiogheny River.
There’s Whistler painting another
I think he’s run out of colour
Something’s astray,
It’s all black and grey
He said “It’s ok, it’s my Mother”
Correction
Andy studied at my alma mater,
Where canned soup provided him fodder,
Dear Carnegie Tech,
Where some thought he made dreck,
But earned many a check for a lot-ter.
It’s been said that the artist, Toulouse,
Had small legs, but was hung like a moose.
“Like a tripod, when nude,”
Shared some models he’d viewed –
(“’Til aroused by a shapely caboose.”)
Mad, I’m experiencing L5 turmoil. Please change to more obvious,
“Til aroused
Thank you.
*******
Done.
Melting Clocks
Weird Sally has zero appeal.
Yet Dolly has such cheerful zeal.
Although they are twins,
One smiles and one grins.
This mys’try is very surreal.
Mad
Due to my strange computer, there are kind of 2 limericks above from
(today at 7:09 PM)
The first one in Melting Clocks is the one I want. It starts with Weird Sally.
could you please delete the one below it? It starts with ‘s’
and continues. I want the FIRST ONE!! Thank you
Lisi
********
Done.
Oops! It looks like I made a mistake in line 4 of “Melting Clocks”
I will try to correct it to make more sense: “Melting Clocks”
Weird Sally has zero appeal.
Yet Dolly has such cheerful zeal.
Although they are twins,
One’s chaste and one sins.
This mys’try is very surreal.
He called her “My precious papoose.”
She laughed and replied, “Silly goose.”
But romance went awry.
When they snuggled, the guy
Got so hot that he smelled like a moose.
I’ve found my lost limerick juice.
My entries this week are profuse.
They’re clever and smart
When I write about art
Or when sharing a good rhyme for moose.
another “Melting Clocks”
Weird Sally has zero appeal.
Yet Dolly has such cheerful zeal.
Although they’re best friends,
This mys’try transcends
Any answer; it’s just too surreal.
Limerickuosity
Writing limericks makes us seem smart.
I’m glad to be doing my part.
But, sonofabitch,
I’d sure rather be rich.
And that is the state of the art.
A Trip To The 1800’s
Come join me, my dear precious friend
To a place where your dreams will ascend.
You’ll see pink; you see blues,
And breathtaking hues.
Where a lifetime you wish you could spend.
my second version: A Journey To The 1800’s
I’ve discovered ”A World Without End”
Please join me, my dear precious friend.
You’ll see pink; you’ll see blues
And breathtaking hues.
Where a lifetime you wish you could spend.
He tried and he tried, but no use–
“I can’t finish this great Christmas goose;”
But a little dessert
He thought wouldn’t hurt,
As he plowed through his third chocolate mousse.
Locked away in the old calaboose,
I lay, plotting for ways to break loose.
If I got past the guard,
And out into the yard,
I’d be over the wall and – vamoose!
“Are you putting us on? Golden Moose?”
“No, of course not! It’s true! Like the goose,
Only better. The goose makes
Gold eggs, but this moose takes
The principle to a whole new level.”
I just giggle at gaggles of geese,
And find slithers of snakes mere caprice;
But should you produce moose
Too profuse — running loose —
I will shriek, “Help! Police! We’ve got meese!”
“Nah! You’re puttin’ us on! Golden Moose?”
“Would I do that?! It’s true! Like the goose,
But one better. Its turd
Turns to gold!” “That’s absurd!”
“But the truth – just from chewing on spruce.”
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
Faux Foie Gras
I resent when you call me “obtuse”
Cuz I sure know a moose from a goose!
Your friend, Mrs. Snob
Who just loves to hobnob,
Served us “goose” that was really a moose.
c
This one is too late to enter the current contest, but while my lovely wife was judging the winners for her “Moose Related – Limerick Contest” I was reading this “Moose Related News Story” in today’s New York Times:
The Rescue Moose
He trotted away before he could be thanked.
On Sept. 8, a nature photographer named Marko Haug saw a moose near a reservoir in Paide, Estonia. When he approached, he saw that right where the moose had been standing, a 71-year-old woman who had gone missing was trapped in a ditch. “The most incredible thing,” Mr. Haug said, is that the moose “stayed put in exactly the same place where the old lady was lying in the ditch — as if signaling or drawing attention.”
So that news story inspired this limerick:
Trapped alone, in a ditch near a moose,
Lay a gal with no hope to break loose.
But the moose stayed her guard,
A stellar diehard,
Until rescued, then back to the spruce.
Happy New Year everyone!
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 460 . Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Cold.