Here’s hoping your new year is great!
(2020 sure sucked — no debate.)
If the new vaccines work,
And Mitch ISN’T a jerk,
We just might have a year we don’t hate.
Archive for December, 2020
Limerick Ode To 2021
Wednesday, December 30th, 20202020, Buh-Bye! (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 23rd, 2020I’m grateful the year’s end is nigh.
Good riddance — no need to say why.
Though the reasons are endless,
A whiner is friendless;
I’ll just bid it an effing goodbye!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MOUSSE or MOOSE or VAMOOSE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 2, 2021)
Saturday, December 19th, 2020It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MOUSSE or MOOSE or VAMOOSE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to ART, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best ART-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 3, 2021, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 2, 2021 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my MOUSSE/MOOSE/VAMOOSE-rhyme limerick:
I encountered a moose and a goose
On the roadway and told them, “Vamoose!”
They ignored me, alas,
So my car could not pass.
(I’m still there shouting verbal abuse.)
And here’s my ART-themed limerick:
The wall had an animal frieze;
Cows and goats, with occasional trees–
Mostly evergreens — laurel —
And images floral.
Lovely art, but one look made me sneeze.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (459)
Saturday, December 19th, 2020It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Those in line surreptitiously groan,
“He’s been in there all day with his phone.”
But they’d rather implode
Than the King discommode,
So they won’t push him off of the throne.
Congratulations to PAUL HAEBIG, who wins the Special MARKET-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
My trip to the market was fruitless,
Also vegetable-, stem-, stalk-, and root-less.
They have nothing I need,
But it’s still guaranteed
When I’m done with my shopping I’m loot-less.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Tony Holmes, Terry Marter, Craig Dykstra, Doug Harris, Sharon Neeman, Fred Bortz, Brian Allgar, Bob Turvey, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Sjaan VandenBroeder. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“MODE/MOWED/COMMODE” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
My dad had a very large load
Of bad jokes, which he loved (and it showed.)
“How’d that brave frontier guy,
Davy Crockett, like pie?”
The right answer, of course: “Alamo’d.”
Tony Holmes:
Mister Keats wrote an ode to an urn,
Which is why I will try, in my turn,
To compose you an ode
To my treasured commode.
I’m no Keats, I am sure you’ll discern.
Terry Marter:
We had an old leaky commode
Where the pipes had begun to corrode.
One day, when Mum flushed,
It all bust, and out gushed
The full contents, – a fine Mother-load.
Craig Dykstra:
On the beach, in her thong, she bestowed
Treats to onlookers – everything showed!
But now back home in Philly
Her short skirts are chilly –
She’s regretting her “Pie à la Mowed.”
Tim James:
She’s in furious spring-cleaning mode;
Her superfluous stuff she’ll unload.
Ancient clothing, CDs,
Old computers, TVs,
And her boyfriend sit out by the road.
Doug Harris:
With fashion-sense I’ve been bestowed.
(A picture should shortly upload.)
My barber’s main style
Is ‘farm rank & file.’
He says it’s all quite à-la-mowed!
Sharon Neeman:
Since I learned my cat knows the word “vet,”
I say “market” to baffle the pet —
But this morning, I erred
And employed the right word,
And we’re both now extremely upset:Kitty leaped into daredevil mode!
All the way down the counter she strode,
Then flew up to the freezer!
She’s STILL there. Can’t seize her.
I mustn’t forget to use code.
Fred Bortz:
Marie Antoinette wrote an ode
To the people on whose backs she rode.
But she made a mistake
Saying, “Let them eat cake!”
When it should have been pie a la mode.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (MARKET LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James:
An Invisible Hand’s said to be
Guiding markets, as long as they’re free.
Well, I’ve seen it. It mocks
Ev’ry one of my stocks.
Guess which finger it’s raising at me.
Brian Allgar:
“That’s a great deal on eBay,” I mused.
“Thirty toilet rolls – can’t be refused!”
But today, what I got ….
Well, I’d failed to spot
The description “Condition is: USED.”
Sharon Neeman:
I need food! How to get to the market?
By car? I’ll have no place to park it.
By bus? I’m too lazy —
Me? Bike?? Are you crazy???
I guess I’ll stay hungry… oh, fark it.
Terry Marter:
At the auction, my earlier tea
Found my bladder just bursting to pee;
Raised my hand for a pause
To attend to my cause.
Oops – too late – I now own a Dalí.
Bob Turvey:
Said our marketing man, “A sensation!
Our dildoes have thrilled the whole nation.
Why in South Delaware
We’ve the whole market share;
We’ve a hundred percent penetration.”
Lisi Nortman:
I went shopping today on a spree!
For breakfast, I only had tea!
I was starving; went wild,
Like an uncontrolled child.
I’m the proud owner now of aisle three.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Four piggies to market were taken.
(The fifth was too smart to awaken.)
One went all to pieces
And faked enuresis.
The rest had to bring home the bacon.
Tim James:
At the market — it’s more like a zoo —
There are crowds, but the face masks are few.
So much saleable stuff!
But it isn’t enough
’Cause these people still can’t buy a clue.
Tony Holmes:
Gladys fancied a farmer she’d met
At the market. Her only regret
Was that much of his food
Was, in shape, very rude,
And she’d blush like a seasoned coquette.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Bound To Be Snowbound (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 16th, 2020The snow in New York has begun.
We’ve been warned that the storm won’t be fun.
I’ve no forecasting skill;
My sci-knowledge is nil.
So my snowfall prediction? A ton!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: MODE/MOWED/COMMODE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: December 19, 2020)
Saturday, December 5th, 2020It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using MODE or MOWED or COMMODE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to MARKETS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best MARKET-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on December 20, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 19, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my MODE/MOWED/COMMODE-rhyme limerick:
I failed to gain ground as I rowed;
When it’s windy and rainy this mode
Of transit is risky.
Boat’s frisky. Craved whiskey!
But mostly I longed to be towed.
And here’s my MARKETS-themed limerick:
I’m amazed when I see people graze
At the market, as if at buffets.
It is one thing to try
A sample, but why
Eat enough food to last them for days.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (458)
Saturday, December 5th, 2020It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
“To my girlfriend,” wrote ardent Bernard
(Who considered himself quite the bard),
“You’re a treasure, sweet Jo;
You make love like a pro.”
He got dumped. Writing poetry’s hard!
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins the Special LITIGATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
I’m poor now, but boy, if you knew me
When I was still rich, that’s the true me!
I said, “I’m the king!
Bow down! Kiss my ring!”
But I shouldn’t have added, “So sue me!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sjaan VandenBroeder, Dave Johnson, Mark Mironer, Brian Allgar, Tony Holmes, Sharon Neeman, Terry Marter, Tim James, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Konrad Schwoerke, Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BARD, BARRED, DISBARRED, or BOMBARD” RHYME DIVISION)
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
You can use it for salads or stock;
You can smoke it like pot (that’s no crock.)
You can even bombard
Streets with petrified chard
To keep leaf blowers off of your block.
Dave Johnson:
Our nation is limping and scarred
By his criminal lack of regard.
With Trump on the way
Out the door, I do pray
That his next house is walled-off and barred.
Mark Mironer:
Poor Donnie is taking it hard
So he’s hunting for votes to discard.
Sent his crooked A.G.
On a fraud faking spree.
Certifiably Barr’ll be disbarred.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
“Would you care for a piece of my chard?”
(But by “piece” I was sure he meant “shard.”)
“Not one fragment, one sliver,”
Said I with a shiver.
(From my table these days Sade is barred.)
Brian Allgar:
The windows were padlocked and barred.
The detectives were stumped; Scotland Yard
Called a private detective
Who’d prove more effective:
“Sherlock Holmes” was the name on his card.Inspector Lestrade was quite shocked
By how quickly the case was unblocked.
Said Holmes, “Element’ry!
The burglar gained entry
By op’ning this door – it’s not locked!”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (LITIGATION LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tony Holmes:
Two confectioners rushed into court,
Each demanding, “You must try my torte!”
“Let the jury decide,”
Said the judge. “I’ll preside.
We’re in session. Let counsel exhort!”
Brian Allgar:
Rudy cries “I’ll continue to sue
Ev’ry state that attempts to vote blue!
And as for my face,
It’s a total disgrace,
So I’m suing those dye-makers too.”
Sharon Neeman:
It behooves the American nation,
In this era of grave infestation,
To wash hands and wear masks,
Avoid crowds and shared flasks,
And refrain from inane litigation.
Terry Marter:
It’s goodbye to that house you’re vacating
And straight to that cell block awaiting.
You can pout, you can frown,
But you’re still goin’ down.
It’s over, — no courtroom debating.
Tim James:
A man filing suit after suit
Found that none of them bore any fruit.
Plus, his client, a jerk,
May not pay for the work.
Rudy couldn’t have been less astute.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
“Did you kill that girl some folks called Flo?
Whose cheeks were so pink that they’d glow?”
“Well, I chopped off her head
And then left her for dead.”
“Mr. Johnson, please say, “yes” or “no.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
A young con man who knew no chagrin,
Told his dad, “I’m so practiced at spin,
I should go into Law.”
“That sounds good,” said his paw.
“I was hoping you’d turn yourself in.”
Konrad Schwoerke:
I’d not promised a thing when she blew me,
So her lawyer’s curt letter sure threw me.
I don’t fathom what HE meant
By “oral agreement,”
But I’ll lick her in court should she sue me.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
