MAD KANE'S HUMOR BLOG

It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.

Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this timely limerick:

I awoke from a wonderful doze;
I dreamed victory fin’lly was Joe’s.
’Twas a big f#%&ing deal.
Wait a minute! It’s REAL?
I’m delighted clear down to my toes!

Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Special DATING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:

I couldn’t resist my last date;
Oh, what a delectable bait!
So tender, so young,
And so sweet on my tongue…
I left only the pit on my plate.

And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Sharon Neeman, Paul Haebig, Brian Allgar, Tim James, Konrad Schwoerke, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, and Terry Marter. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “Doze or Doughs or Does” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO DATING LIMERICKS)

Sharon Neeman:

Too long for the “A” train I’ve waited
On an evening far less than “B”-rated:
The movie he chose
Made both of us doze;
No dinner; I’m feeling “C”-dated.

Tim James:

She’s one of those profligate does,
Spending money wherever she goes.
When she’s out around town
She gains widespread renown
Cause of all of the bucks that she blows.

Konrad Schwoerke:

Your wee darlings glue things to my toes,
And put coins up my schnoz when I doze.
Now I fear for my hair!
It just doesn’t seem fair
That for love I must pay through the nose.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (“Doze or Doughs or Does” RHYME DIVISION)

Paul Haebig:

Our town council is taking some flak
And folks want to give them the sack.
Since so many oppose
Their plan to shoot does,
A target’s been placed on their back.

Brian Allgar:

Said the Godfather, “Plenty of dough’s
What that mob-skimming baker now owes,
So just knead him a bit
Till you get him to fit
In his oven, then bake till he glows.”

Tim James:

Tell me, when do you use the word “doughs?”
When they’re pizza and cookies? Who knows?
Are they cash, as in when
You use dollars plus yen?
Mad likes keeping us all on our toes.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Because Homer is led by his nose,
It’s off for pink donuts he goes.
Folks out and about
Without doubt hear him shout —
“Hey, gimme three dozen o’ dohs!”

Lisi Nortman:

How could someone just lie in repose
And miss all those wonderful shows?
The mountains were grand
In the old Borscht Belt land.
But Rip only wanted to doze.

Sjaan VandenBroeder:

Since I need, and consume, tons of doughs,
Ground from nuts, seeds, or grains — ALL of those!
I will lug on my back
An immense flour sack,
Bake what’s in it, then use it for clothes.

HONORABLE MENTIONS (DATING LIMERICK DIVISION)

Paul Haebig:

Once I dated a fiery Peruvian
Whose temper was simply Vesuvian.
He flew into a rage
When I asked him his age
(Which I’m certain was antediluvian.)

Sharon Neeman:

Time was, you could dance at a ball,
See a play, wine and dine, have it all —
But what’s dating today
(In the new COVID way)?
Sitting home on a video call.

Terry Marter:

You’re an Irish poetical male,
And your rhythm in bed is a Fail?
You must switch to 12/8
When humping your date,
Or you’ll end up in Limerick jail.

Tim James:

It’s been driving him out of his wits
That he’s dating a gal with great tits.
Now, I give you my word
I refer to the bird
(Though it’s true that her bod never quits).

Konrad Schwoerke:

My experience dating is meager.
I’m awkward and overly eager.
I DON’T know the right moves,
And WHAT are these “night moves?”
You’re NOT friggin’ helping, Bob Seger!

Lisi Nortman Ardissone:

Mary told me this guy was real bright,
But something just didn’t seem right;
When we went out to eat
He appeared quite elite,
Till he ate the whole steak in one bite.

Paul Haebig:

I’m pursuing a cute intellectual,
But my wooing has proved ineffectual.
Is he straight? Is he gay?
Could he go either way?
Or maybe he’s simply asexual.

Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.

In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.

To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!

Tags: Brian Allgar, Konrad Schwoerke, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Paul Haebig, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Terry Marter, Tim James, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest

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