Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BAND or BANNED at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: October 10, 2020)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BAND or BANNED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write GAME-themed limericks, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GAME-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 11, 2020 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 10, 2020 at 4:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my BAND/BANNED-rhyme limerick:
A Girl band, post-bombing, was banned.
Soon thereafter, its leader was canned.
A replacement was hired,
But swiftly was fired.
It’s disbanded now; silent — unmanned.
And here’s my GAME-themed limerick:
I encountered some ads for an “adze.”
Then I Googled the word and … Egads!
Seems it’s much like an ax.
(No I don’t mean a sax.)
And just how many Scrabble points? Scads!
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bands, Competition Limerick, Game, Games, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Music Humor & Verse, Poetry & Prompts, Scrabble, Writing Prompts
Division and hatred are fanned
His promises just turn to sand
It’s breaking my heart
I want a fresh start
Methinks his hide should be banned
You want me to stand up? I’m game
To demonstrate just the same
I’ll march with the best
At good folks’ behest
I don’t play this game just for fame
With Covid-19 in our land,
Republicans took a brave stand,
“It’s not up to us,
To curtail the fuss,
So protective measures are banned.”
Better version:
With Covid-19 in our land,
Republicans took a brave stand,
“Ending this fuss,
Is not up to us,
So protective measures are banned.”
The Mating Game (Carried Over From 453)
So, B. A., you’re a belle from the South?
“I declare!” (‘Ark at me!) “Hush ma mouth.”
You’re a lady who’s kind,
Elegant and refined,
But have failed with three men of the South.
What would Zsa Zsa and Lizzy now do?
(Pay attention, Suzanne! Means you, too.)
Would they moan and complain?
No! They’d go round again.
And if that didn’t work, then they’d sue.
So, then, Ladies, get back in the game,
And stop whining and whinging – for shame!
Live together? Okay …
You’d have more cash to play,
But give up and go gay? That’s just lame!
In countries where drinking’s been banned
The people will often demand,
A quaff of near beer,
But it’s painfully clear
It won’t get them high like they planned.
Pedalling London, my good wife and I,
see the Queen’s Guard musicians march by.
They play “Strike Up The Band”
as we bike up The Strand
and we inwardly hear Spooner sigh.
Inter-Status Marriage Tale
“My Darling, I love you a lot.
The chapel, right there is the spot.
This union’s forbidden
So please keep it hidden.
(Off they went. Pawn and Queen tied the knot).
Monopoly’s surely a bore
And that’s something we just can’t ignore.
Once again, we all tried
to get rid of our pride.
(We started in nineteen O four).
The school has a man on the staff
Whose Irish name makes students laugh;
Teaches algebra and
Will direct marching band.
His name is apt: Corey O’Graph.
The bees that we see in this land
Are workers, whose jobs are so grand.
T.V. showed that they’re chummy,
But I am no dummy.
The finishing cigarette: banned!
She was the singer in a traveling band
He played piano in their tour of the land
Their mutual attraction
Led to marital satisfaction
And, perhaps no surprise, their baby was grand
The leader said, “Please understand
That our lineup’s been carefully planned.
We musicians all know
That our wages are low
It is now time to strike up the band”.
In Jamaica it’s much in demand.
The flavor is eggy and bland.
You might find it tacky
to serve up canned ackee
but here in the States fresh is banned.
As people start taking a stand,
Trump’s starting to tune up the band
as his Supreme Court stands tall
to take freedoms from all
and force four more years of this man.
The horseshoe game erupted in scandal
When they saw what the new guy did handle
He chose to eschew
The usual horseshoe
And instead tossed a horse’s summer sandal
The “song’ isn’t truthfully planned,
But the music sure sounds really grand.
The rhythms don’t matter.
The notes kind of scatter.
And that’s what I call “Hot Jazz Band”.
My wedding’s been carefully planned.
It’s sure to be stately and grand.
The gown is a fake,
And so is the cake
Plus, the ring is a forged golden band.
Said Sally, “Whatever you’ve planned,
I am ready, sir, at your command.
Blindfolds, handcuffs, sex toys,
Extra girls, extra boys —
In this bedroom, nothing is banned!”
Some people do make you sick,
As they’re clever, witty and quick.
Would it be underhand
If those people were banned
To let someone else be the pick?
Now, don’t think I’ve been underhand
Though I said KKK would be banned.
There will be no revoking
As I was just joking…
For the election, you understand!
A bunny who was playing Monopoly
Squandered its money quite sloppily
It went bankrupt
Most very abrupt
And walked away not very hoppily
‘wrote a limerick, ‘bout a boat where you stand
and push the long pole with your hand.
I thought I wrote Punt
But my typo’ said C•••.
Always proof-read or You might get banned!
Amid all the rhetoric and winking,
you can sense that the country is sinking.
While you know Murder’s banned,
(in your head) it seems grand,-
you can’t (Yet) get arrested for thinking!
Hunting with hounds through the heather
Prince Philip (first time that he’d met her):
“My lust is insane
my dear Liz, – are you Game?”
She said “Yes”, – so he slipped the dog’s tether!
A ladies accordion band
Played top less throughout the land
They were ladies in pain
Tho they played on in vain
And their tips were really quite grand.
McConnell’s been playing a game
Of corruption, no guilt and no shame.
His political hypocrisy
Will lose us our democracy
And voters should shoulder the blame.
“Yesterday, love was such an easy game
to play,” we sing, regretting that same
“said something wrong”
tho we’ve known all along
calling love a game’s to blame for our shame.
I thought we were having some fun,
Till I saw a tall man with a gun.
He said, “Don’t move, honey;
You’ve made me lose money.
The goal’s not to get 21”.
Mad: above limerick; line 4 should be: You’ve made me lose money, not
You made me lose money. Could you please change that for me?
Thanks, Lisi
****
Done.
Said a farmer, “The countryside’s grand,
All the noise that’s produced by the land.
Those potatoes you saw
Well, they’ve tubers galore;
And them barrels – they’ve all got a band.”
There was a young lady called Dawn
Who said, “I am deeply lovelorn.
It just wasn’t planned;
He plays in a band;
And he has an incredible horn.”
In Cyprus they make one thing clear;
They like to observe a girl’s rear.
So all panties are banned
Throughout the whole land
And their motto is “No Nicosia”.
In the desert girls’ heads often stand –
Bodies buried – adultery’s banned!
Would-be saviours say, “Gee –
What is in it for me?”
And the ladies just smile and say, “Sand.”
Said a chap, “I’ve a big rubber band,
Which I use when I have something planned.
I find it enhances
All sorts of romances:
Such a help now Viagra is banned.”
There was a young lady called Mame –
From sixteen she’d been on the game.
She was one of those tarts
Whose incredible parts
Ensured that everyone came.
The GAMES in Greece ended in muddle –
A thrower slipped, thanks to a puddle.
So he shot his discus
Right through some hibiscus,
And killed two chaps having a cuddle.
My collection of sex contraband
caught the eye of my school’s high command
which earned me suspension
but an honorable mention
at my school science fair project’s stand.
Limericks drafted for you by my hand
are recallable if not as planned
since before I hit “send”
I hold tight to one end
of my poem with a huge rubber band.
The company had Sally banned
from our scanner, for stuff she got scanned –
Her tits and her ass
went’n smudged up the glass
tho said she “I just wanted ’em tanned.”
So then Sally, to get herself tanned
took her top off and lay on the sand,
lying down on her front.
“I can flip if you want,”
said she, “but I’d prob’ly get banned.”
The tax laws are there to be gamed!
(So says Autocrat Trump – unrestrained
By the usual rules
That he thinks are for fools.)
This crook should be swiftly arraigned.
In those boroughs where brothels get banned,
Prostitution is sure to expand.
Because scarcity breeds
Ever stronger felt needs.
Prohibition just ups the demand.
A moron blew seventy grand
On his hair. Doesn’t that beat the band!
As for taxes, evasion
Suits ev’ry occasion.
To primp and to skimp is his brand.
Wow! A double half twist! Look at that!
If I tried it myself, I’d go splat —
But she climbs ever higher,
Then slides down a wire…
The world is her game. She’s my cat.
Now that lockdown’s returned to the land,
I’ve concealed my gray roots with a band,
Trimmed my nails to the quick,
Cooked and baked till I’m sick —
NOT CORONA! You don’t understand!
Sammy can’t seem to understand
the big deal of her wanting hers tanned.
He just whips off his shirt
and tho his too are pert,
unlike Sally his nipples aren’t banned.
Last Night’s Debate
Americans, please understand
That I’ve called CBS to demand:
“Change one of your shows;
It must come to a close.
And all future debates must be banned”.
Last Night’s Debate, Part 2
Most Americans do understand
That we live in a wonderful land.
Yet some things should be changed,
Cuz the Pres. is deranged
And all future debates must be banned.
Said my doc, “Eggs and bacon are banned,
and eat nothing prepackaged or canned.
Avoid beer, wine, and malt,
cut out sugar and salt.
Longer life? See how much you can stand.”
There once was an unusual band
Popular and in great demand
Their leader played banjo
A cute chicken played oboe
Classic country was never so grand.
For word-nerds, a favorite game
Is to anagram somebody’s name.
In this way, DONALD TRUMP
Can become ROT-LAND DUMP,
Though the meaning, of course, is the same.
I was playing strip-poker one night
With a girl who had bet to the height
On four kings. Well, I knew
My four aces would do.
“I’ll see you”, I said. What a sight!
We were dancing a slow sarabande
When she said: “Would you like one night-stand?”
What I got, though, from Mabel
Was one bedside table,
Which wasn’t quite what I had planned.
If I lose the election, I’ve planned
For my SCOTUS to give me a hand.
That’s why I have packed
It with scum, who will act
To pronounce that Democracy’s banned.
Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
is like our poetry form, so I understand —
“going in and out of style”
but “guaranteed to raise a smile”…
Love (and a limerick) is all you need at hand.
If only I’d known beforehand
of the naughtiness Sally had planned
I’d’ve shot some hot vid
of the hot stuff she did
(although posting that here would be banned).
For the day off that Sally has planned
for us, cue up the Starland Vocal Band
working up an appetite
for some afternoon delight…
Watch out where our skyrocketing lands!!
Uncle Joe played his games until dawn!
He just never got tired or drawn!
Till one night he was killed.
Then his dream was fulfilled.
Uncle Joe bounced right back to respawn.
another way of putting it
Uncle Joe played his games until dawn!
He just never got tired or drawn!
And the night he was killed,
Oh how he was thrilled!
To get raised from the dead to respawn.
oops!
Mad, above limerick: line 2 says He just never got tied or drawn.
Of course it is supposed to be: He just never got tired or drawn.
Could you please fix that for me?
Thank You, Lisi
********
Done.
I love to play Scrabble games with
My boyfriend from school, Peter Smith.
“Is Aplith a word, Pete?
I sure don’t want to cheat”
“Of course, Susie dear, yes it ith”
A college professor, I know
Just can’t win the game, “Tic Tac Toe”
He loses each game.
And it’s such a darn shame
That he thinks that an “x” is an “o”.
He caught it! So strike up the band.
It’s like the contagion was planned
A lesson to teach.
So break out the bleach
and inject at the patient’s command.
A hunter whose name I won’t name
Went hunting in search of some “game”
But the moose wouldn’t play
And the goose flew away
So he failed to have fun – what a shame.
“Sgt Pepper’s Lonely Hearts Club Band
is like me,” sassy Sally deadpanned.
“We’d like to take you home with us,
We’d love to take you home,” singing thus
she set fire to the night I had planned.
John forgot the gold ring that he planned.
But truly, you must understand:
I wasn’t upset.
It was really no sweat,
Cuz we hired a great wedding band.
Sgt Pepper, it’s said, taught the band
to play, but they’d be undermanned
if Sally’d not given head
in Billy Shears’ bed
to the Lord Mayor of Pepperland.
Sally thinks safe pandemic sex bland
“These rules,” says she, “get out of hand.
They say not to kiss
this, this, this, this or this
and doing it that way is banned.”
Daddy tracks down them critters with aim.
He shoots them; I think it’s a shame.
We must eat what he kills.
It sure gives me the chills.
Because hunting is no sav’ry game.
Sammy aimed to set Sally aflame.
“Whatever,” said Sally, “I’m game.”
They went all the way
in combustible play
and wherever they went, they both came.
The New GOP knows no shame
over how insincere they became
when what they’ve now stood for
are cheap cheats no good for
America. “It’s only a game.”
“An explicit line I won’t demand,”
wondered Cyn, “just the lay of the land.
Does anyone know
how far must I go
to get one of my limericks banned?”
For a poker night carefully planned,
Sally played the sole feminine hand.
She lost all her clothes
(which is how the plan goes
when the theme is “game” in lieu of “banned.”)
A private Wheel of Fortune game show
had Sally in its gamers’ tableau.
Her pulse starting to throb,
she to go on B□□□ □□B
bought a vowel. “Give me an O!!”
“Gen’ral Custer, Sir!” “Shush, Sir! The band—”
“Will be slaughtered, Sir, scalped and unmanned.
It’s the Sioux, Sir, they came;
They’re not playing the game;
There’re one or two more than you planned.”
Northbound crossing the wide Rio Grande
is henceforth and forevermore banned
so gangs, thugs, all riffraff
and poor down-trodden chaff
can be kept from our God-given land.
Careful Will!
“I am not one who wants a thing banned
Just because it’s risqué and been panned.
No, where I get my thrill
Is employing my quill
To write, ‘Censored! By Royal command.’”
Come halftime the school marching band
entertains those who stay in the stands,
while Sally’s sweet ass
lies in the green grass
behind the stadium with Van the Man.
It’s outrageous! The things that this band
requires backstage! They demand:
– No green m & m’s
– Ninety roses (long stems)
– And an altar to worship Ayn Rand
Don’t hurt anyone, (a disgrace!)
Cuz your past you just cannot erase.
Like a thick rubber band,
Karma has it all planned
Pull it hard, then get smacked it the face.
From the restaurant he was band
For having his mask in his hand
Wouldn’t put it on
Because he was stone
He was tossed out on his can
“The open-air picnic,” Stan panned,
“was a bore. The home cooking was bland.
But they insured our pleasure
taking proactive measure
to keep Sjaan’s cautious cats banned.”
“No mask, like the folk that elected me;
My strong constitution protected me.
But I’m sick, like they planned,
And my rallies are banned –
It musta been Biden infected me!”
After sewing things up for the band
Sally pouted, “They don’t understand.
I’m laid down in clean linen
tho I wanted my sinnin’
to get bedded in sheeting less bland.”
Attention, men. Now *lie* at ease.
Tho your Commander in Chief is a sleaze,
the Army Command
declared napping ain’t banned!
Be a loser and still catch some zzzzzzz.
______________________________
[thanks in part to U.S. Army FM 7-22]
Now I’m doing it! I think my limerick above would start better with the first two lines changed:
The green room provisions this band
requires are way out of hand!
– No green m&m’s
– Ninety roses (long stems)
– And an altar to worship Ayn Rand
My wife is already well tanned
But she insisted we walk in the sand.
The bikini she prized
Left little surprise.
And I said “You’ll likely be banned!”
Bob Dylan’s electric backing, the Band,
transmogrifying the old Dylan brand
faced a hostile crowd
(“play it fucking loud”)
lending folk music’s “Judas” a hand.
Says Donald, “The Chinese I banned,
And all of my scientists canned.
A Scott Atlas polemic
Beat back the pandemic….
Ivanka? I’m sick, help me stand.
Sorry, just correcting punctuation:
Says Donald, “The Chinese I banned,
And all of my scientists canned.
A Scott Atlas polemic
Beat back the pandemic…
Ivanka? I’m sick, help me stand.”
“For the throne I am playing this game,
And upholding the Lannister claim,”
Said Cersei, “and Sparrow,
You’re no Clarence Darrow.”
Next day came her nude walk of shame.
All semblance of pattern was banned
from the one million digits they canned
to model uncertainty
except that R-A-N-D
in random wasn’t put there by Rand.
________
[–per Wall Street Journal 9/24/20]
A fellow who liked to play chess
Put his hand up a pretty girl’s dress.
His ambitions were wrecked
When he found himself checked.
As for mate, he’d no chance of success.
When I asked a French woman if she
Enjoyed video games, I could see
Her beginning to smile.
She replied to me, “I’ll
Have to say that the answer is Wii.”
After breathing our air has been banned,
Our missions to Mars will be manned.
Average folks they will gyp
For the price of a trip,
For the space fleet will have the Trump brand.
Oops, please correct Mats to Mars. I thought of it while out for a walk, and my close-up vision is shot.
***********
Done.
Here’s one for both prompts:
Thought the card sharp, “A game of strip poker
Will quickly and surely uncloak her.”
But though cheating was banned,
She’d snuck into her hand
Enough aces to beat any joker.
No matter the strike plan I utter,
the pointless spare words I might mutter,
when pinned in an alley,
I can’t seem to rally,
and always end up in the gutter.
We hired a great one-man band.
Supposedly best in the land.
He became overwrought
When his drumstick got caught
In his tush, so he had to be canned.
Tim James’ fellow should play chess with Sally
who plays blindfold down a blind alley.
Her blindfold chess dare
is that that’s all she’d wear
to distract him, but boost his “mate” tally.
Though the Great Game of Golf I shan’t mock,
and its cute dimpled ball I can’t knock,
all that junk in the bag
is too heavy to drag,
and does nothing but spoil a good walk.
Official hate’s all Twitter stands for
when it bars protest voice from its floor.
Should my tweeting get banned
if my tweet has in hand
quotes from Bob Dylan’s “Masters of War”?
Did Mark not know when things don’t go as planned
that the party line’s still served as canned?
If the Chief of Staff can’t
hawk the authorized slant,
then the truth he leaks should get him banned.
“Come lie with me. Set me aflame,”
said Sally. “I’ll do you the same.
Take your time once you’re in.
It’s not whether you win
but in how well you play me our game.”
He’s infected (now, THAT was unplanned)
By the “hoax” that’s been sweeping the land.
Of my thoughts in this case
I’ll reveal not a trace
Lest by Madeleine Kane I get banned.
Far from the only statute discarded in their dump,
the Hatch Act’s pathologically ignored in the Neo-GOP Swamp.
AG Barr sticks his head in the sand
as the White House commits what the law banned
with no shred of integrity, thanks to Mr Donald J Trump.
Here’s todays COVID-19 pop quiz:
The condition’s not exclusively his,
yet in this Trump-rigged game,
Heads he wins, tails the same.
Why so? “It is what it is.”
The dashing and debonair banjo man
Stepped up on the bandstand, banjo in hand
All the ladies went wild
Screaming “give me a child”
He just smiled and said “strike up the band”.
Mad, guess what instrument l play.
If Trump’s medication alters his mind
And is not a true state he may find,
Is he playing with fire
With his moods swinging higher?
Should his doctors be willingly blind?
I once played a lass from Durango,
each breast of whom was gamely mango,
as round and as sweet
and delicious to eat,
but alas, she played him who played banjo.
Led Zepp won its claim that their band
hadn’t ripped off a prior band’s hand:
The jury ruled Stairway
can be listened to their way
without crediting Wolfe’s Taurus brand.
Penrose proved that black holes aren’t banned
by Einstein relativity. Give him a hand.
So the Nobel Committee
has awarded him. Pity
it’s an achievement we can’t understand.
Reply to Tony: Mating Game, Sept 27, 2020
I live in the South that is true
In a state that is red, but I’m blue
If Trump wins they’re inflamed
And if not I’ll be blamed
‘Cause they hate Yankees here through and through.
I can run to Canadian land
But Americans staying is banned
I’ll have to get married
So I won’t be harried
And I’ve come to prefer life unmanned
Our Suzanne is a lovely Canuck
And we have much in common – what luck
She thinks music is grand
Plays guitar with her band
I would rather wed her than some schumck.
All this hand, stand, brand, fanned and demand,
tanned, expand, ampersand, land and banned —
It’s sent me psychotic,
chaotically erotic …
Y’all’ve made me an analysand!
Oh poor Tony, say, did I annoy?
Aren’t YOU just a picture of joy!
From what I understand,
Methinks YOU should be banned
From your homophobe stand, silly boy!
It’s a game that we play, called expedience
Where the marriage is one of convenience.
Theres no romance, ideally
Just livin’ here freely
Immigration laws really show lenience.
Trump’s one of those tight billionaires.
(A bully we know never shares).
His neurosis all started
When so broken-hearted
From losing at “Musical Chairs”
sorry Mad:
The last line of above limerick was supposed to be From losing at “Musical
Chairs” not For losing at “Musical Chairs”
Can you please change that word for me?
Thank you, Lisi
**********
Done.
Never fear! Tho already in reach
of the delta and neighboring beach,
before Delta hits land
every tropical band
of storm will get injected with bleach!
“Ah, Dear Ladies! At last you’ve returned!
In your absence, I’ve simply adjourned.
You, of course, must campaign,
Try and oust the insane,
Then you’ll come back again? I’m not spurned?
“Homophobic? Not I, I assure!
I just think giving up is a bore.
‘Matrimony is banned
‘Cause six husbands we’ve canned.’
Come on girls – make a stand! Don’t be sore.”
“I’m by nature romantic and yearn;
I would guess just the thought makes you gurn.
But I hope, all the same,
That you’ll stay in the game,
And, one day, you can give me a turn.”
An assembly of sharks is called “Shiver”;
And a cluster of cobras a “Quiver”;
Flocked flamingos a “Stand”;
Grouped gorillas a “Band.”
Chickens crossing the highway? “Chopped Liver.”
He considered it all fun and games
As he cheated with multiple dames.
But the ladies found out
And they turned on the lout.
Now “Mud” is just one of his names.
To poor Tony…
We already are making a stand
But it takes place in some northern land.
Giving up? No, we won!
It’s the best thing we’ve done!
Were not sore; it’s just fun men are banned!
There was a doctor from Bristol
Looked into a ball (it was crystal)
The future was grand
All illness was banned
No patients, his life would be blissful
Note to Bob, I know not all doctors are medical.
Dear Tony
Your logic I will acquiesce
Although linear still can impress
But three husbands aside
(Two lived and one died)
I’m just too much woman, I guess
Immigration might think it quite shady
To marry myself to a lady
If from my land I’m banned
Because I took a stand
I’m delighted that Suzanne will aid me.
Unzipping his jeans, Sammy led
saucy Sally to bed, where he said,
“Although Mom says it’s banned
if I use my own hand,
I figured we’d use yours instead.”
Miss Tib of St John’s Newfoundland
partied hard with the boys of the band.
“Tibb’s Eve never occurred,”
she explains, “so the word
for my little one will be ‘Unplanned.'”
A Response To Two Gayme Ladies: (It’s the Middle English spelling – I believe.)
‘Too much woman’? Well now I’m on fire!
You’ve rekindled my ardent desire.
You have challenged – I’m game,
And I don’t aim to tame;
Though I go down in flame, I’m a tryer.
A cruel fate that you’re there and I’m here,
Or what larks we might have; but I fear,
Too much woman, or not,
I must stay in one spot
Till the medicos give the, “All clear!”
As for you, Mistress Sue, I think Eight
Was a Freudian slip – don’t berate!
You’re more Zsa Zsa, perhaps,
When it comes to the chaps;
There is always more room on your plate.
Though we banter and tease – and deride!
You delight me, all joking aside.
That you stood and then won,
Is just great! So, well done!
I hope plenty of bubbly was plied?
I have questions, though, mainly for Sue.
In the North, what exact’ did you do?
And you play in a band –
Do you sing? Do expand
And include style and genre, please, too.
Have you heard anything from the ‘Bard’?
Is he well, do you know? He’s a card.
When we last fenced – engaged –
I was somewhat enraged; (Joking, obviously)
I do hope he’s not taking it hard.
Should you ‘see’ him, please give him my best.
It may be he’s just taking a rest.
As for me, Love to you,
I now wish you, “Adieu!”
Until next time – not too long – be blessed!
Sally went to great lengths to expand
her exposure on air, sea and land.
“There’s a market,” she claimed,
“for strange sex unashamed
(tho in some parts of Texas I’m banned).”
A Lesson I’ve Learned
All yesterdays ought to be banned.
Cause life never goes as it’s planned.
If today isn’t great,
Up to you to create
A tomorrow that’s wondrous and grand.
Says the court (again!!): New York’s not banned
from his tax returns having in hand
so the whole world’ll know
him as we know him so:
Greatest Loser in the Entire Land.
Although he created the band,
Al fell out of touch with its brand,
for tho he, it appears,
shed no blood sweat or tears,
it was they who instead had him canned.
The White House took steps to get banned
rules to check if vaccines work as planned
since political trumpery
clearly trumps credibility.
Let’s pretend we’re the best, truth be damned.
Although neo-GOP enablers have planned
reasonable access to voting be banned,
people’s voices will rise
over trumpery’s lies
and full Bill of Rights freedom demand.
I suppose that I do understand
why my words don’t appear as I’d planned —
what’s in bold in my mind,
italics and underlined,
comes out plain, since HTML’s banned.
****************
HTML isn’t banned here, as you can see.
Hmmm, or not?
Here’s a game that you might like to play:
Imagine you’re far, far away
One decade ago;
There’s an orderly flow.
And Trump hasn’t ruined your day.
Sally said, “Oh, you’ve just made my day!
I feel I could go all the way.
If tagging ain’t banned,
you’re it! Whacha got planned?
I’m game. What would you like to play?
The United States First Army Band
plays Hail to the Chief, whereupon all stand.
What we can’t stand’s one more 4-year term
of exposure to the lethal Trump Germ —
Two million more* of our own would die under his command!
__________
* – U.S. death toll 2.2 million thru Nov 2024, as projected by my favorite actuary
Those Superheroes from Gotham
Wore tights that were snug round the bottom
“They’re colourful hose,
Could you please strike a pose?”
They both said “I’m game” so I shot ‘em
We played Musical Chairs, whereupon
Sally found all the open seats gone.
Muttered Sally, “Oh crap,
then I’ll sit in your lap.
Do you mind I’ve got no panties on?”
So, our Whiner in Chief don’t wanna play
the game unless we play it his way
where a second grade bully
drags us all through his gully?
“Then don’t waste our next four years,” we pray.
I would like football tix, but I’m stuck:
Online vendors have none. Rotten luck!
Hockey tickets are there,
But I really don’t care.
About hockey I don’t give a puck.
Check out the latest Kevin Bacon-based game
of “six degrees of separation” fame.
The way this version is
is that ours’ll’ve been what’s now his,
since the task force has herd immunity as its secret aim.
(Footnoting’s traditionally banned
from a limerick that’s properly planned
Even so, I’m compelled
to add “his” ought be spelled
Trump – not Bacon – in mine herebeforehand.)
I have tried playing tournament Scrabble,
But I suck, so I now merely dabble
In building with piles
Of small lettered tiles—
Voilà!—it’s the Tower of Babel.
This limerick uses the word Banned and its subject is Games
Football ticket sales don’t go as planned,
So the Washington owners demand
That to raise resale price
Of their tickets ain’t nice.
From the Redskins’ games scalpers are banned.
There’s one in every bunch.
“In your group, there are good authors, AND…
There is Bob who has widely been panned.”
“But he’s really not bad.”
“C’mon, Joe, that’s just sad—
I know HIM like the hack of my band.”
Sally near tore the bed off its frame
when she let Sammy’s pals join the game.
Once their playtime was done
she chirped, “Oh, that was fun.
I’m so happy each one of you came.”
Our “Made in the USA” brand
no longer means “Best in the Land.”
And now the word “Great”
stands for fear, greed and hate.
Alas, saying so will soon be banned.
“Take a break,” groaned Cyn-sational Sally.
“From these quickies I’m too bushed to rally.”
Though from band after band,
She’d requested ‘Slow Hand,’
She could not find a dilly who’d dally.
“Quickies,” grinned Sally, “are Cyn’s
way to guarantee me lotsa wins.
For rhymes? not necessarily
but for good times? Yes, verily!”
as she tallied all her ins, outs and ins.
Said Cyn’s alter-ego, “Let’s sally
forth! (make the most of me, pally).
For with Sally on hand
you won’t even get banned
from the likes of a wild MAGA rally.”
At last Trivia Night I got bold,
and confessed to a friend, “Truth be told,
all this stuff makes no sense,
I feel old, slow, and dense.”
Her reply? “No one’s calling you old.”
Cyn’s alter-ego’s instinctive id
what her superego refused to do did.
Things got so out of hand
MAGA had her ass banned,
but she managed some rather hot vid.
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 4 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
In the poker game Brian portrays
There are also a couple of gays.
Soon he’ll lose to a flush,
And he’ll certainly blush,
When he has to reveal his, um, raise.
“Alas! There are too many games
to play,” Sally says, “Most all my aims
go unmet, which includes
all the rest of them dudes
and I have yet to play all you dames!”
Mr Haebig has mentioned Ayn Rand
(Whose novels were panned but not banned).
I’m no fan of Ms R
But when viewed from afar
This year Atlas let go with one hand.
Yeah maybe, but Scott Atlas remains
beside Trump, one hand yanking the reins.
His quack views ought be canned
from the nation’s broadband
so he reaches just those with no brains.
Sally said, “You were too hasty, sir”
to a dude who’d played chess against her.
“Your knight’s infiltration,
like your ejaculation,
was misguided and quite premature.”
Late January the Chinese were banned
From entering or visiting our land
But in over eight months since
Trump’s response has made me wince
In November, the guy’s gonna get canned.
Yes, non-essential foreigners were belatedly banned
but U.S. citizens hurried home without having been scanned,
thus Americans who’d there been infected
spread it widely back here undetected.
So then, who’s truly to blame for our firestorm getting fanned?
On fire, Sammy surged with aband-
on concerning the plan he had planned
on, except Sally can’t pard-
on how he set his heart
on another lass who’d first had her hand
“It’s the 10th day of October and
I’ve heard all of this crap I can stand,”
said Cyn’s prof. “For your crimes
on the blackboard 5,000 times
write ‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
So Cyn went to the class blackboard and
with a piece of white chalk in her hand
she wrote per his command
to fulfil his demand,
writing, ‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
”Band’ limericks are banned.’
”Band’ limericks are banned.’
‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
”Band’ limericks are banned.’
”Band’ limericks are banned.’
‘All limericks on ‘band’ are now banned.’
‘All limericks on ‘band’ …
Well aware of the games Sammy planned,
Sally warned, “Although not much is banned,
should our playtime go kinky
let our safe word be ‘pinky‘
in case play gets too out of hand.”
Have we taken this culture of banning a bit too far?
We’re banned from doing at home, at the stores, in our car.
Whether ad-hoc or carefully planned,
if you want it, it’s most likely banned.
The only thing not banned is doing those things that are.
Officials back then would demand
That X-rated content be banned.
Their logic, I guess,
Was they wanted to stress
Some things should be kept out of hand.
(true story)
In Sudbury, north of your land,
There’s a law that has all sirens banned
If attached to your bike.
There’s a fine you won’t like
And a chance to hitchhike, though unplanned.
I meant ‘bicycle’ when I said ‘bike’
And that’s true too, for tricycle (trike)
It’s no game you should play
You’ll just ruin your day
And the fine to 5K they can spike!
Oops!
Mad – would you please change the first word in line 4 above to “Was”.
Thanks, Dave
********
Done.
Oh poor Tony, your manhood’s been banned
By two gals who have secretly planned
Immigration by this –
Our fake wedded bliss
And you men we won’t miss, understand?
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 454. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Suit.