Limerick-Off Award (444)
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SJAAN VANDENBROEDER, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
Moaned a mugger while reading a graph,
Showing street crime diminished by half:
“Now that all my marks hide
Under masks when outside,
If I say ‘Stick ’em up!’ they just laugh.”
Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the Special CHALLENGE-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
During Scrabble a challenge is heard,
But a penalty won’t be incurred;
The letter formation
Receives vindication,
’Cause the player’s as good as his word.
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins a special Limerick Saga Award, occasionally given to a very clever multi-verse limerick.
The challenge was born on a dare;
That couple would screw in mid-air.
Their skydiving hump
After making the jump;
An aerial tryst then and there.Connected, they dropped from the plane;
Then banging like they were insane.
Their downward descent
Was a naughty event,
Unfolding above the terrain.The landing was soft in the end;
But maybe the start of a trend.
“Fantastic!” they said;
“Way more fun than in bed;
The next time, we’re bringing a friend.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Steve Whitred, Brian Allgar, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Will T. Laughlin, Patrice Stewart, Steven Frakt, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Sharon Neeman, and Daisy Hyrkas. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “SIDE or SIGHED” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO CHALLENGES LIMERICKS)
Tim James:
It’s a challenge to stand by the side
Of a guy whose cerebrum is fried.
Take a bow, Dr. Fauci;
Try not to be grouchy.
Don’t fret; it’s not you we deride.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SIDE or SIGHED” RHYME DIVISION)
Steve Whitred:
In Canada people are smart;
Public health measures taken to heart,
Like the rule that’s applied
When we’re working outside:
“Stay a caribou’s distance apart.”
Brian Allgar:
Donald Trump takes extravagant pride
In his intellect. “Can’t be denied,
I’m incredibly smart!
My IQ’s off the chart –
See, that’s me, on the far left-hand side.”
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
My owner and I used to nuzzle,
But not any more, (what a puzzle!)
At first I just sighed,
Then I broke down and cried…
And also he’s stolen my muzzle.
Will T. Laughlin:
“War President!” Turgid with pride,
Trump trumpets the words far and wide.
But no leader before
In the time of a war
Chose to fight on the enemy’s side.
Patrice Stewart:
’Twas a challenge to turn on her side,
As the double bed wasn’t that wide.
But she lifted one thigh,
Rolled and caught him – first try,
And their passion would not be denied.
Steve Frakt:
The sad chicken just sat there and cried;
Couldn’t cross to the road’s other side.
Though this tale may evoke
The world’s oldest joke,
That highway was just too damn wide.
Tim James:
If there’s one thing I cannot abide
It’s to “shelter in place” (i.e., hide.)
I endure this bad dream
With a pint of ice cream
And an order of fries on the side.
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
Donald Trump with Mike Pence at his side
Gives new meaning to Jekyll and Hyde.
No, wait – that’s too kind,
So if you don’t mind,
Let’s go with Godzilla and Bride.
Steve Whitred:
On the PornHub she’s kinky and brave.
She has fetishes; master and slave,
Sixty-nine or astride,
On their knees or their side…
But that maskless taboo is her fave.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (CHALLENGES LIMERICK DIVISION)
Will T. Laughlin:
I’m tensing my muscles with dread
As I think of the challenge ahead.
I push through the hurt,
All my strength to exert —
And… I’VE DONE IT! I got out of bed.
Sharon Neeman:
Although challenges surely abound,
I’m determined to win in this round —
Not just vanquish the tomb
Using masks, soap and Zoom,
But avoid even one extra pound.
Lisi Nortman Ardissone:
“I am speaking to you on behalf
Of the President’s bumbling staff.
The challenge today
Is to hear what he’ll say,
And the winner’s the one who won’t laugh.”
Sjaan VandenBroeder:
It’s a challenge to follow this credo:
“When in public don’t flaunt your libido.”
But now that our tasks
Involve wearing masks,
We can flaunt all we want incognito!
Will T. Laughlin:
From watching Trump’s briefings, we’ve seen
The infection is deadly and mean.
Though the threat is severe,
We’ll defeat it — no fear!
(Then go on to fight COVID-19…)
Daisy Hyrkas:
The challenge is how to stay fit;
My muscle tone’s taken a hit.
I lay in my bed
And remain in my head.
In other words, I don’t do shit.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Brian Allgar, Daisy Hyrkas, Dave Johnson, Kirk Miller, Limerick Contest, Limerick Of The Week, Lisi Nortman Ardissone, Patrice Stewart, Sharon Neeman, Sjaan VandenBroeder, Steve Frakt, Steve Whitred, Tim James, Will T. Laughlin, Writing Competitions, Writing Contest
