Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Fuse or Confuse or Refuse at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: April 25, 2020)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using Fuse or Confuse or Refuse at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PLANS, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PLAN-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 26, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 25, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my REFUSE-rhyme limerick:
There are times I’m inclined to refuse
To read any national news
Cuz it’s all so depressing
And oh so distressing.
Remember when news could amuse?
And here’s my PLANS-themed limerick:
A fellow was trying to pitch
A plan that would “make us all rich.”
But a glitch in his scheme
Made it clear to the team
He was naught but a get-rich-scheme snitch.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Bad News Humor, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Media Humor, Money Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Scams, Writing Prompts
Once I had a plan.
To become a well-known man.
It didn’t end too good.
I don’t know if I’m understood.
Maybe I still can.
I once had a plan.
To make me a married man.
But the woman didn’t know me.
Is that confusion in the third-degree.
Maybe I should get a love ban.
Trumped Up
‘Twas an offer some couldn’t refuse.
Vote for me, and away with your blues:
Disappear ’em I will
With this big magic pill!
Seems his true name’s “Lie, Cheat, and Confuse”
(He pays off those he’s able to use).
I find I’m addicted to news
Reporters expound different views
A virus has spread
So many are dead
An awful condition to muse
I reckon we’ve all got the blues
We can’t even go sit in pews
But if we stay home
Perhaps float a loan
I do not think we may refuse
I’m staying home. How about youse?
The kids they want visits to zoos
I tell them they can’t
And then comes the rant
The anger they have must de-fuse
He Left Me Too
She sang ’em, the Used-Again Blues
At her bar as she shared her bad news.
All who came got to hear
Whiny talk with their beer;
Hint that she’s at fault? Lighting a fuse
(But it’s only her she can confuse)!
After Hours
Blondie racked ’em and stacked ’em by twos
At her bar. In the background, the news
Almost drowned out the rain.
Far-off thunder again
As she smiled, burning thoughts lit a fuse.
The key turned in the lock, no surprise
When black leather strode in. Widened eyes
Took in pants, boots, fly down…
Grin, hands pulled out a gown
Of pink silk, matching mask. “Babe, your size!
I had other plans, but we’ll make do,”
As he spread out a picnic for two.
TV off, jukebox on;
They ate, loved. Her hot Sean
Brought the storm inside. Sex wild and new :)
What do you call a group of people who attempt to overthrow democracy?
Their plan to suppress votes in the nation,
Democracy’s annihilation,
Has earned for the SCOTUS
The new name of TOTUS –
A Terrorist Organization.
The Day The Doors Opened, September 2020:
The plan was to clean up the house,
Lose weight, and get close to my spouse.
Six months later, of course,
We’re about to divorce,
And I look like a filthy, fat louse.
Donald’s miracle cure
“Here’s the treatment you should not refuse:
Chloroquine is the stuff you must use!
(Besides, I’ve got shares.)
Your life? Hey, who cares?
Believe me, you’ve nothing to lose.”
Not as it seams …
My tailor is apt to confuse
(Dead straight and most honest his muse)
He loves tartan (a fact)
Straight and loyal his pact
But he keeps on mis-spelling those trues.
Wedding Ceremony
“This woman shall wear pricey shoes
Don’t confess that it gives you the blues
Your love will not perish
Do you promise to cherish
Your bride?” “What? hell no! I refuse”
Once again, Mr. Groom tries to find the perfect wife. (as the preacher changes line 2)
“This woman shall wear pricey shoes
And all of your money, she’ll use
Your love shall not perish
Do you promise to cherish
Your bride?” ” What? hell no! I refuse!
Doctor’s Orders
“Ms. Blimpy, I’ve got real bad news
It’s 300 pounds you must lose”
“Doc, I get what you say
But I love “Milky Way”
So I have to declare, “I refuse!”
The Lego Corp. hopes that it can
Avoid going bankrupt, a man
On the news said today.
And they’ll do it this way:
They’ll use a restructuring plan.
The plan’s been embraced with much zeal,
And seems to have earned wide appeal.
They’re rebuilding in style,
And are using their guile.
I think it’s a blockbuster deal.
He had planned on a cruise, the poor schlub.
Then the virus came. Ay, there’s the rub.
He is now quite bereft.
There’s but one option left:
That’s to play with toy boats in the tub.
I went on a luxury cruise
With gourmet cuisine and much booze
A virus hit us all
And that was our fall
For docking the ports all refuse.
Ventilation
A “dream hole” lets in the fresh air
But please make your sweetkins aware
That you will not confuse
Many words you might use
Cause Miss Prissy declines to strip bare
I love to confound and confuse
To cheat and to lie and to schmooze
Now I got me a job
That allows me to rob
And slander whoever I choose.
Eugene made a wonderful plan
To win an award in cool Cannes
His plans were too fraught
And came to a naught
So now he’s a-dancing with fan.
Eugene made a wonderful plan
To win an award in cool Cannes
His plans were too fraught
They all came to naught
So now he’s a-dancing with fan.
Emile Zola,in memorable French
Was not standing up for some wench
When he wrote “J’Accuse!”
Which became a lit fuse
And historically proved him a mensch
“You minions of mine, the Economy’s priority”
“Buck up, risk your lives”, says The Orange Authority
Self-congratulatory daily briefings – let’s refuse!
Likewise his promotion of quack remedies — a ruse!
World’s hanging by a string while he fumbles, deplorably.
Like a drunkard’s addiction to booze
Or a floozy’s compulsion to flooze
The right’s raisan d’être
It’s mission, etcet’ra
Is obfuscate, fluster, confuse
“For the people”, Ms. Harris began
And Ms. Warren said “I have a plan”
Amy Klobs made a plea
But what scuttled all three
Was that none of these gals is a man
There once was a man with short fuse.
A compliment he would refuse.
“Invectives I know.
Planned insults I throw,
But kind words do only confuse.”
What have you got left to lose?
Is an offer one just can’t refuse
Except when the prize
Comes from one who tells lies
Then it’s certain it must be a ruse
If you’d like something to be
Be the change that you’d like to see.
Think, plan and act
To make it fact
And say, “It’s up to me.”
I have to say it’s fantastic
The States not on board with the Plastic
Waste Management Plan.
“We’re too busy man,
To take any action that drastic”
The country is run by the News,
Be it real, or “Fake” or I Muse.
It may be as trite
As a catchy sound bite,
And contrary opinions confuse.
The thing about a clinician
In my observed admission,
Unlike business man
Profit’s not in their plan,
But to be a healthcare patrician.
Alfred Einstein was a smart man,
And I quote him whenever I can,
He said those uncouth
With the smallest of truth
Can’t be trusted with a bigger plan
Sweltering, I switched on the fan,
A cool nights sleep was my plan,
But the fan switch just died,
Should I go sleep outside?
Mosquitoes? I don’t think I can!
If you think you can’t, you’re right.
Of this you mustn’t lose sight.
The obvious plan
Is to think that you can,
And the chances increase that you might.
To the Nation, we pledge our troth,
To be only concerned with our growth.
Though other nations implore,
We shall just ignore…
Any change to our plans, we are loath.
What I mean and say aren’t the same;
That’s an essential part of my game.
Not to amuse,
But to confuse
And gives me someone to blame.
Some may cry, “You Abuse!”
If there isn’t a word you can use
And you make up your own,
To finish your koan,
Where all others would simply refuse.
There was a young Goth named Tracey
Who was weird and a bit spacey.
Then she met a man
And changed her plan,
And started to dress kind of racy.
The Trumpster so hopes you will choose
an offer you should not refuse.
Vote for him and “be nice”
and you’ll just risk dying twice
in the next great pandemic. “I can’t lose!”
My plan was to have a hot wife
And our lives would be free from all strife
But my “plot” went awry
And it sure made my cry
Cause something appeared, known as “life”
Our plan was to go to “Peace Bay”
And swim in the water all day
But things went awry
(Couldn’t figure out why)
We wound up in “Went The Wrong Way”
Here’s a story, most folks understand:
I spotted a girl who was grand
It was love at first sight
I kissed her that night
And Baby! That sure wasn’t planned
On To-Do lists I’ll issue a ban;
dockets, calendars — plunk! — in the can;
won’t interrupt me-time,
(unless it’s for tea time).
Now THAT, I submit, is A Plan.
Oh, come forth and bring on the blues
Canon balls and Marror are clues
If given a choice
I’d truly rejoice
These pleasures I’d flatly refuse
She proposed they have virtual screws
Using FaceTime to exchange risqué views
And show naked positions
For their horny ambitions
What a treat — how could he ever refuse !
Alternative Ran/ Not The Plan
Meticulous No nonsense was Stan
Operation “no bullshit” he ran
His staff emigrated
Depressed, constipated
And the android he programmed just ran.
Stuck at home he’ll now wishfully muse
Of more time for those lazy day screws.
But to restart the fire,
And fan her desire,
He’ll need to first locate her fuse.
When I hear someone say “to diffuse”
When they really did mean “to defuse,”
Those words to confuse
Make me blow a fuse!
But I feel that this lim’rick will lose.
“Listen up, the Market’s priority”
“Return to work”, says Orange Authority
Blowhard’s briefings – refuse!
Long shot cures — a ruse!
He feints and fumbles, deplorably.
What a mystery needs is some clues
And what dynamite needs is a fuse
Coming later this Fall
For the sake of us all
What the GOP needs is to lose
Oh, urologist, I have bad news
And it surely just gives me the blues:
Cuz now that I’m eighty
My panties feel weighty
And I constantly must circum-fuse
The plan was to get some relief
From the sickness, the death, and the grief
So, it’s out of the ken
Both of mice and of men
How he’s still the commander in chief
The devout had resolved to refuse
To obey “stay-at-home.” In their pews
The voice held them in thrall:
“I BET SATAN YOU’D ALL
USE THE BRAINS THAT I GAVE YOU. I LOSE.”
There were things we were planning to do
About this new type of flu,
But we were distracted
And the planning protracted
By the impeachment started by you.
Fauci makes me look bad
In this worst crisis we’ve had,
So I’m planning his going
Without him even knowing
And show him up as a cad.
Diverse candidates dropped with a thud;
Though planned, the winner’s a dud;
A most corrupt shmoe!
It is quid pro Joe!
This dud sounds just like Elmer Fudd!
Can’t tell his wife from his very own sister;
But sniffing hair, he can tell a miss from a mister;
Campaigning he should refuse,
He sounds like he’s on booze,
Each promise sounds more like a tongue twister.
With his absurd dentured smile;
And old fart comb-over hairstyle;
To speak is to confuse,
His prattle does ooze,
This is a man who is truly senile.
If I don’t like what you’re saying
There’ll be no point in your staying.
You’ll just raise my ire
So I’m planning to fire
You, with groundwork that I am laying.
“To ensure my election success,
There’s a thing that we gotta suppress –
Postal voting! I’d lose,
So I’m gonna refuse
Any bailout for USPS.”
(Double – replaces the previous version)
“To ensure my election success,
There’s a thing that I plan to suppress –
Postal voting! I’d lose,
So I’m gonna refuse
Any bailout for USPS.”
“I’m planning a dinner,” said she;
“How very delightful!” said we,
“But the rules in the news
Say we have to refuse…”
“No,” she shrugged, “it’s just ramen, for me.”
“We have landed! Please exit by twos,”
Said Noah. “Oh, no! We refuse!”
The unicorns cried;
“We’re staying inside!
Dry land won’t be fun, like this cruise.”
Best-laid though they think are their plans,
The virus wrecks mice’s and man’s.
No searching for cheese,
No hitting off tees,
No pussy for Trump’s tiny hands.
FUSE, CONFUSE, REFUSE
The news that Mad Kane would refuse
Has items that seek to confuse
They may come from a trump
To make us all jump
All they do is to light up my fuse.
PLANS
Some say that the planet’s worst plan
Was dreamed up by the Ku Klux Klan
However they try
That’s still quite a lie
Because worse is a dream Taliban.
“Your offer to sell me more shoes,”
Said Imelda, “I cannot refuse.
For I love crocodile,
And own every style,
But not yet in all of the hues.”
My “hubby” will always refuse
To waste all the things that we choose
Even in these sad days
When we’ve all changes our ways
There are still things we sure can’t reuse
Oops!
Mad: line 4 should not read: “When we’ve all changes our ways”
I should be: When we’ve all changed our ways.
Could you please fix that one for me?
Thank you, Lisi
Abe Lincoln, (a very smart man)
Was the Pres who had many a fan
To the theater he went
It was not his intent
To make such a real stupid plan
In the language that we often use
There are phrases that surely confuse
Like the boy was “found missing”
The day he was kissing
The girl with the “stunning tattoos”
We bought tickets we couldn’t afford
for some train wrecks that can’t be ignored;
now it’s hard to refuse
to hop on “Breaking News,”
the new Polar Express — all aboard!
U.S. surpassed covid deaths in Italy, a ruse;
Lefty Lib media went hysterical to confuse;
With over fives times Italy’s population,
Never mind media jubilation,
It is Trump they are trying to abuse.
The 1918 Pandemic was for real;
Killing 2.8% of all humans, bad deal;
But no need for the blues,
Current BS just refuse,
At .0028% fatal, it’s Joe’s Bidemic spiel.
Failing to plan is planning to fail
If you disregard all a job does entail,
Or in haste, if you just muddle through
By saying too soon, “I think that will do”,
Neglecting the finer detail.
They say you should plan before acting
Else failure you’ll be attracting,
But an impromptu show,
Where it goes, you don’t know,
To quick ideas you’ll be reacting.
Mr Trump has a short fuse
And will, rant, lambast and accuse
All of the media folk
Whom he calls a bad joke
Displaying what he calls “Fake News”.
The case is I simply refuse
To take the blame, if I can accuse
Some other poor schmuck
Who can be stuck
And limelight on me will diffuse.
The War Of The Worlds: Ground Zero: New Jersey! (1938)
Orson Wells was a talented man
But here’s what this actor began:
He caused widespread panic
The people went manic
Thinking Martians had one evil plan
Long ago, mom said, “Always refuse
A date from a man with tattoos
And you must stay away
From a guy who will say
“Lay off of my new blue suede shoes”
In the laundry my shorts had a plan
To ’get lucky’ like Jack and Dianne
First, they flirted with shirts
And some skimpy young skirts
But the stockings they fancied just ran
Plan A is the one most will choose,
then Plan B, should the A Team refuse.
If B (C?) meet travail,
D, then, F look to fail.
G through Z? “What have you got to lose?”
On Sundays, my wife blows a fuse
Cuz in church, I unfailingly snooze
She can’t get me to wake
And she screams “Goodness Sake!
Sit in one of the out-of-range pews”
Get cracking, my poetic Muse!
And give me some lines I can use;
Just do what you can,
If the stuff doesn’t scan,
The worst I can do is refuse.
Thinking deep thoughts on the can,
He delivered himself of a plan:
He’d leave his old wife
To start a new life,
And indulge in his yen for Japan.
Gone are days when the only fake news
Was in tabloids and meant to amuse;
When Cronkite and Rather
Didn’t simper or blather
Or tell lies that were meant to confuse.
After thinking about it, I choose
To accept that Corona’s no ruse.
Why is that? I’ll explain:
I’ve a functioning brain.
Right-wing refuse I firmly refuse.
Our toddler will always refuse
To “go potty” (sure gives us the blues)
And ev-er-y day
He just won’t obey
And the neighbors hear lots of pee-use
Back in church: (makes more sense)
In church, I snore loud when I snooze
Which makes my sweet wife blow a fuse
She can’t get me to wake
And she screams, “Goodness Sake!
Sit in one of those out-of-range pews”
I am planning to stay off all booze;
Cuz the China virus gives me the blues;
Not because of illness,
Or everlasting stillness,
But the politics Dems’ media continually infuse.
Procrastination delays:
Learn your way through the maze;
Arrange every item;
Note the order to fight-em;
Start with those are todays.
Someone is largely to blame;
Who knew, but didn’t explain.
I plan to find out
Then without a doubt
Pariah will be their name.
Some are just learning the news
That Trump has a very short fuse
It shouldn’t surprise
Just look at the size
Of his hands and his very small shoes
The Pandemic Rules
We planned to go visit the Queen
We are into the “traveling scene”
Then prepared to see Rome
But we have to stay home
So we buy “Travel Time” magazine
Plan-themes limerick
A plan to keep social distance
With this I need no assistance
I have no delusion
Extended seclusion
Won’t faze my daily existence.
The little train engine that ran
Up the mountain needed a plan
With passengers seated
It simply repeated
“I think I can, I think I can, I think I can”
He envisioned an evening productive
As her charms were so very seductive
But when she told him to stay
At least six feet away
His plans ended rather abruptive
Mr. Froggy was blowin’ a fuse
Cuz his mommy would not let him choose
What he wanted to wear
And it just wasn’t fair
That she made him wear open-toad shoes
“Acrostics,” said old Mother Goose —
“Aberrations for which I’ve no use —
Require a scheme,
Good planning, a theme.
Heaven help us, what’s next — Dr. Seuss?!”
!
“Another acrostic? Admit
When it comes to this task, you’re unfit.
For your own good, refuse,”
Uttered one honest Muse.
“Look, you’re bad at this, REALLY. Now quit.”
We left dock for an island remote
On a ship known as “Chill Out And Float”
We both swore we’d refuse
To eat cake on this cruise
But came home and weighed more than the boat
It’s often unwise to refuse
To follow society’s views.
There’s passive aggression
(Of tacit expression)
In Britain, on jumping the queues.
They say best plans can oft go awry,
A rule that I seldom apply.
A plan can’t go bad
If its never been had.
(Don’t count those I’ve had when I’m high.)
On that day when the virus is gone
I plan to go out on my lawn
And when the coast clears
Toss down several beers
And dance naked all night until dawn.
Very careful arrangements were made
For his wife to leave town, where she stayed
While he met with his squeeze
For a week of pure sleaze.
Like his mistress, his plans were well-laid.
An offer too good to refuse
Is often just some sort of ruse.
They’ll be trying to sell
A product from Hell
So the smoke-screen is there to confuse.🙃😧🤯🤓’
In a very ethereal muse
I dreamed about not-so-fake news:
There’s a hole in a boat
Donald can’t stay afloat
And he sinks, as he’s blowing a fuse
The Dreamer slightly modified
In a very ethereal muse
I dreamed about not-so-fake news:
‘Twas a hole in a boat
Donald can’t stay afloat
And he sinks, while he’s blowing a fuse
She said; he said
“Don’t use commas! or else you’ll confuse
Your readers concerning your views!
Correct punctuation
Conveys information!”
(What a damn uninspiring muse)
Just to make it clear: the above limerick’s title was supposed to be:
“She exclaimed; he murmurs”
“Whatever Works”
As an artist, don’t let me confuse
You about all the motives I choose
Cuz it surely feels dandy
When drinking some brandy
As the source of my real gifted muse
The Trumpsters will always uphold
The facts that are honestly told
They say, “Do not confuse
The truth with the news
This virus is merely a cold”
Cronkite was a covert liberal news slinger;
For lies Dan Rather got his tit in a ringer;
But Sharpton, Maddow, Chris Cuomo-
Acosta, Huffington, and Scarborough-
Plan disgusting new meaning for “Left Winger”
Actually Limbaugh “called” it a “cold”
A lie that is far more than bold;
A local mediocre physician,
Wrongly abused his position,
And planned character assassination untold.
The Titanic sailed over the seas
But the passengers weren’t at ease
Yet Trump still blows a fuse
Says, “That story’s fake news
Cuz the iceberg was really Chinese”
The car of the future’s a plan
That will surely have many a fan
It’s the Edsel, by Ford
And should not be ignored
As “The Famous Surviving Sedan”
During COVID-19, all my plans
For carousing and hot one-night stands
Have been thwarted, because
All of life’s now on pause.
(In my state, we can’t even shake hands!)
Several months ago, Carnival Cruise
Had a deal that we couldn’t refuse.
But I fear the damn virus
Will, sadly, require us
To bail (and fend off those “ah-choos”).
Told the barkeep some humorous news
And she listened, she couldn’t refuse
But instead of applause
Giggles, grins, or guffaws,
All I got from the barmaid was booze
Said Sisyphus somewhat in shock
”Now I get why I’m rolling this rock
In my life I stole cattle
And sundry odd chattel
In death now, I’m forced to take stock”
Oops! In the above limerick’s concept, Sisyphus was going to ‘refuse’ but somehow the rhyme scheme got away from him.
Some spellings are made to confuse
Be careful ’bout which ones you choose
When you write, please be clear
Cuz there’s “bier” and there’s “beer”
One is sad and the other one’s booze
It was all planned, a cruise round the Med
Now thanks to Covid 19, instead
I’m stuck home on my tod
Whist hubby, the daft sod
Is self-isolating in the shed
Mr. Cheater, please do not confuse
The bloomers your lady loves choose
If both panties are red
And one’s under the bed
Prepare for some very bad news
The cannon ball guy sang the blues.
At love, seems he always would lose.
When he’d hop into bed
With a gal, he would dread
Her saying, “You’ve got a short fuse.”
New Zealand has got a PM
She’s a certified national gem
While she acts like a coach
We Just blame and reproach
So my plan … Can we be more like them?
Some capital letters confuse
Be careful ’bout which one you choose
There is trump and there’s Trump
But don’t let it stump
You: one’s Bridge and the other’s bad news
That didn’t make sense!
Though they both sound the same, don’t confuse
Both these words, so you’ll know which to choose
There is trump and there’s Trump
Please don’t let it stump
You, one’s Bridge and the other’s bad news
T. rex plans to swallow the sun,
Roars in ‘Dino’, “I’m King! I’m the One!”
Unrelenting, this voice —
Most are left with one choice —
Put these symbols together, then run!
Be you Muslims or Christians or Jews,
An affair will your love lives confuse.
You’re just having fun
Till you hear “You’re the one,”
And from heaven, a chorus of boos.
My hubby’s a terrible cheat.
He winks at the dames in the street
He picked up poor Iris
Contracted “the virus”
Now has to await a clean sheet.
I had a trip planned for Hawaii
As my Birthday is now drawing nigh
But the news was the worst
My plans were reversed
And the airlines funds all have run dry.
On “Dancing with Stars” Jim had fans,
But an accident ruined his plans.
Hearing “Rrrrrrip!” in the final,
He found his tights (vinyl)
Were really his dance partner Ann’s.
Like a bomb with a very short fuse,
After dinner, first night of the cruise,
Don got really dyspeptic —
The odor was septic,
And caused many “Yuck!”s and “Pee-yew!”s.
And the lord said to man “Calm your fears
Stay at home till this bug disappears
Trust in me that you can
It’s all part of my plan
I’ve been socially distant for years”
I don’t know if this qualifies as planning… maybe plan to do, or think about unplanned automatic reaction.
Like everything under the sun
There are more ways to do it but one.
Cast off your perversity
And welcome diversity,
And you might even start to have fun.
Things go wrong, they always do,
How you handle it is up to you.
Wail and scream, or change your plan;
Change your system as much as you can;
Breathe deep, and start working anew.
The romantic encounter he’d planned
Turned out to be way less than grand.
As things went awry,
He was left with “Goodbye”
Along with “Hello Mr. Hand…”
“A man, a plan, a canal, Panama”
When my limerick effort began —
On this man, the canal, and his plan —
I emitted a curse
While constructing the verse:
That damn palindrome just wouldn’t scan.
“See wild animals! Fantastic views!”
A friend’s invite I couldn’t refuse.
Quiet porch, too, for napping,
but — yikes!– what’s all that yapping?
“Nothing much,” yawned my host, “just fox news.”
It came to pass, not to stay.*
Troubles now are on their way.
Thank the stars the world does turn,
Noting down what you did learn
And plan for a bright new day.
*First line courtesy of R. Buckminster Fuller
“2 Of Each”
Oh, Mama, I have such good news
John and I won a 40 day cruise
There’ll be elephants, frogs
Lions, cow, skunks, and hogs
It’s a trip that we just can’t refuse
Revised April 21, 2020 at 9:20 pm submission
It came to pass, not to stay.*
Troubles now, are on their way.
Thank the stars for world turn,
Note down what you did learn
And plan for a big bright new day.
*First line courtesy of R. Buckminster Fuller
Today’s World
The roses had started to bloom
So happy the bride and the groom
The plans so well- set
Who can ever forget
The beautiful banquet hall: “Zoom”
She shouts, oh no and then refuse
Her lovers hand, it made the news
She said, she couldn’t
He said she wouldn’t
Turn his love life into the blues
oh no, the banker made plans
to put stolen money in his hands
got very up-tight
hid the money out of sight
then sent out a list of demands
To write a good lim’rik, you must
Plan ahead, till your brain starts to rust
Get each syllable right
Keep the “middle” real tight
(Don’t let anyone know that you fussed)
Refuse
Let’s all give the homeless a bin
It seems like we can never win
It’s always so sad, but
Their trash smells bad, what
They’d refuse to put their refuse in?
Amended April 13, 2020 at 1:42 am submission (as per suggestion)
If you think you can’t, you are right.
Of this fact you must never lose sight.
The obvious plan
Is to think that you can,
And the chances increase that you might.
The last person you need to help plan
Is Trump, that President man.
He’ll ignore all advice
Fire his aides in a trice
And will get his way if he can.
USA sues China over Covid-19
Instead of casting the blame,
Make a plan for the future your aim.
The past we can’t change
But priorities can rearrange,
Please stop playing this silly game.
As Leader
As leader of the free world
Think of the anger you’ve hurled.
Stop being a skunk
And start showing some spunk,
Display a New World plan unfurled.
From a Potus that rates himself ‘great’
This plan should carry some weight
For Covid infection,
A Clorox injection
Make sure that his jacket is ‘strait’
Doctor Donald is at it again
Seems the plan from his biggly brain
Is to fill a syringe
With some sun … now don’t cringe
And inject it right into your vein
I saw Donald on tv today
Heard the crazy things he had to say
And I cannot excuse
Why his doctors refuse
To restrain him and take him away
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
The question could be quite moot
Of Trump and a malpractice suit.
Or just does he confuse
When he tells folks to use
Disinfectant and mulberry root?
The question could be quite moot
Of Trump and a malpractice suit.
Or just does he confuse
When he tells folks to use
Disinfectant. Intravenous to boot?
Modified last line of the previous submission.
C’est la vie, it’s all good — words I preach;
there’s a much grander scheme out of reach.
Que sera, it’s just fine —
where would I draw the line?
Intravenous drips (mine) filled with bleach.
The president*, crazy as heck
Like a train near its imminent wreck
Hatched a plan where we each
Mainline sunshine and bleach
Then he turned into Glenn effen Beck
Mario, You’re A Go
Governor C., you’re just great!
Voice of reason: won’t fight or berate,
You simply refuse
To ignore or confuse.
You seem honest (we’ve had a long wait).
New York’s lucky to have you, it’s clear:
You put all people first, far and near.
So I wish you the best
As we’re put to the test ~
From Vancouver, WA: hear my loud cheer!
Sociopath Supporters, How Do You Like Him Now?
Man v. Virus, survival and game
Co-occurring. Trump-Up weighs in, lame:
Why not inject detergent?
A solution’s emergent!
Plus business as usual! Blame
Those who wanted the DT elected.
He’s a HUGE help to all those infected,
With his personal plan
(Sock away bucks / dark tan).
Ventilators, masks? Check off: rejected.
(Batshit crazy was never detected.)
Lysol’s warning us, do not ingest
Any products for personal test-
Ing. I say, submit your bill,
The White House needs a thrill!
Just a business cost, you can suggest.
(White House counsel, Bad Luck! Case, I rest.)
The world over, our species fights on;
We continue though many are gone.
Thump revealed his priority:
Retain his authority!
I can’t stand it. Out, louse, just begone…
(Higher life forms are found in my lawn.)
Today, I’m in such a good mood
I shall no longer sit and just brood
I have fine’ly lost weight
My new diet plan’s great
It is known as “The High Price Of Food”
Most people think I’m just a sap
Cuz I gripe and say, “Life is a trap”
But now I’ve a plan
To be one zestful man
Which I’ll tell you ’bout after my nap
Plans, Shmans: The Man’s Insane
A lim’rick’s supposed to be blue,
But I’d rather discuss You Know Who.
I could simply refuse
To take in daily news,
And miss “NEXT crazy thing” that he’ll do.
I’ve interviewed Mike and Jo-Anne,
Peter, Steven, Priscilla, and Dan
They are all a good pick
But I must decide quick
“Pin The Tail On The Donkey’s” my plan
He talks a lot and says nothing
Because he’s just hot air and stuffing.
He’ll then blow a fuse
At what he calls Fake News
Then tirade all huffing and puffing.
Why do Republicans stand
Resolute, with their head in the sand?
They simply refuse
To see Trump as bad news,
An opportunist where nothing is planned.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 443. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Side.