Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: VEER or SEVERE or REVERE or PERSEVERE at the end of any one line (Submission Deadline: January 4, 2020)
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using VEER or SEVERE or REVERE or PERSEVERE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SNOW, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best snow-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 5, 2020, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you four full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 4, 2020 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my VEER-rhyme limerick:
When you’re driving your car, please don’t veer;
Sudden moves tend to fill me with fear.
Steer carefully, please.
Ouch my elbow! My knees!
We’ve arrived? I’m still living? Hear, hear!
And here’s my SNOW-themed limerick:
The weatherman’s acting excited:
New York City’s about to be smited
With a snow storm real big,
Which I really don’t dig.
And just why must he look so delighted?
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Automobile Humor, Car & Driving Humor, Competition Limerick, Driving, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Shoveling Snow, Snow, Weather, Weathermen, Winter Humor, Winter Limerick, Writing Prompts
That the world has come to revere
The Shakespearean canon is clear;
But skeptics will say
Each sonnet and play
Was written by Edward de Vere.
Recent news of a Brit Royal Peer
Has reported his actions severe
He’s known as the Duke
Who makes us all puke
So we just can no longer revere.
Sorry!! last line has an extra “s” in just which I didn’t notice.
**
Fixed
(Double)
“Them scientists? Listen up, folks –
They’re eggheads who don’t have no yolks.
The cold is severe
And it’s snowing right here,
Which proves global warming’s a hoax.”
“2020 will be a great year!
All believers just gotta revere
The one God has selected
To get re-elected –
The rest are blasphemers, it’s clear.”
On a break from his “Ho, ho, ho, ho” job,
Santa asked a cute elf for a blow job.
But he screamed with the shock –
Freezing snow on his cock!
“Oh, I’m sorry, I thought you said ‘snow job’.”
The truth about dumb Paul Revere
Was at midnight he drank too much beer
He sold that old horse
And then got a divorce
This guy was just no pioneer
With a leader whose mood’s so severe,
You may feel the end’s drawing near.
‘Stead of worryin away yer fun
Aggravatin’ on man or his son,
‘Tis better to have one more beer.
Sweet Mama I sure did revere
One day she say, “Boy, listen here:
You must always obey
And do as I say
Or else you’ll get smacked in the rear”
My mom said to dad, “I just know
That you’ll get rid of all of this snow!
I’m so glad that you’re strong
Now hurry along
Get your coat and your boots and go blow”
To escape from the cold and the snow!
Take a break from political woe!
Find a tropical place
Climate change will displace.
Dream of happier times long ago.
After snow, messy slush and black ice.
It’s not quite a frosty paradise.
It was slippery, alas,
I landed flat on my ass.
A winter without snow would be nice.
John appeared in his black judge’s robe
The snowman he then had to “probe”
Since “guilt” was his plea
His torture would be
A life sentence stuck in a globe
The young man’s acne was severe
Washed his face with a can of draft beer
The beer was so strong
His face stretched long
Then turns into porcelain lanear
The snow fell lightly on the ground
Suddenly, it disrupted the town
The cars slipped and slide
People fell to one side
They barked like a pack of blood hounds
If you’re striving for fame, persevere;
If you aim to ride horses, Revere.
If from justice you veer,
The due payment is dear:
For the penalty’s very severe.
The stress that I feel is severe,
I just know that this is quite clear-
We’re rotting from within;
The Dems had better win,
Or things will be worse than we fear.
Said the poet, “My limericks veer
Towards the nasty and smutty, I fear.”
Upon saying this, he
Grinned lasciviously.
That’s the reason he’s called Edward Leer.
First pick a career you revere,
Then with your studies persevere.
Being true to your soul
Keep your eye on the goal
Or else, from your track, you will veer.
Slightly changed:-
First pick a career you revere,
Then with your studies persevere.
Being true to your goal
Dig deep in your soul,
Or else, from your track, you will veer.
I’m lucky, my skin is clear
But Johnny’s acne’s severe.
What he doesn’t know
Is that my menstrual flow
Would cause him more than a tear.
The wind was Oh-So severe
That off our track we would veer,
But we continued to sail;
In the face of that gale…
If we hadn’t, we wouldn’t be here.
When, in times of great hardship, you veer
From the course that true virtue would steer,
Be assured that your end
Will be nasty, my friend;
But that’s life, I’m afraid. Hope that’s clear.
Falling snow brings that palpable hush,
Which is lost when it all turns to slush.
The Inuit, you know,
Are the experts on snow
But they’re never on hand when you brush.
The first of many, no doubt. (Revisions, that is.)
Falling snow brings that palpable hush,
Which is lost when it all turns to slush.
The Inuit, you know,
Are the experts on snow
But they’re never on hand with a brush.
I’ve tried and I’ve failed every year
But this time I will persevere
And January will be
A dry one for me;
First of Feb it’s back on the beer!
If you’re wanting a word about snow
Then the Arctic is where you should go.
‘Pirta, kaneq, ganuk;
Ganikcaq, nutaryuk’;
‘Course, it helps if you speak Eskimo.
20 inches of snow! (I’m berserk!)
Thought my new Jeep would run, (What a jerk!)
Then the boss calls me up
And says, “Hey what’s up?”
I assume you’re still comin’ to work?”
Everything has a season — take snow:
In December, a flurry or so;
By midwinter, the blizzards
Will shiver your gizzards;
In April, you’ll see it will go.
What’s my moral? It’s really quite clear:
Be of courage; fear not; persevere!
Though impeachment’s in doubt,
T. Rump’s time should run out
Next November — just under a year.
They had sex in the snow (a disgrace!)
Both their plans had been put into place!
Then they started to run
Cuz it seemed that each one
Had a stiff frozen grin on the face
“I’m approaching with caution, my spear
At the ready. My quarry, I fear,
Is aware of the threat.
Is she jumpy? You bet!
To the brave goes the booty. Don’t veer!”
Revere is used as an internal rhyme, so it bends the rules, but it’s fun anyway:
A Waker’s Dozen ~
The great Paul Revere had no fear
On his rides warning both far and near.
Oft’ threatened with jail
Because of his wail,
The twelfth time the Brits would appear!
Snow piles up in big banks
You can’t drive the streets without tanks
So quickly – no dally
I moved out to Cali
When it comes to that white stuff, no thanks!
Don’t be snowed! Does it not seem suspicious
When Kellogg’s proclaims they’re “nutritious”?
Frosted Flakes just won’t fuel
You like mom’s oatmeal gruel.
(Though they taste, I’ll admit, more delicious….)
In my limericks, often, I’ll veer
From one line to the next, making sheer
Nonsense verse—which, though terse,
Gets more dopey and worse
By the line. (I am no Edward Lear.)
Snow and Severe
Our marriage is facing its doom
There is no way that we can resume
But the snow storm’s severe
It just won’t disappear
So we’re stuck in a white padded room
Another Snow and Severe
The wife and me ain’t doin’ well
I’m ready to leave and rebel
But the snow storm’s severe
It just won’t disappear
So we’re stuck in a white padded cell
Here we sit, hip-deep in snow;
When will this harsh Winter go?
I have faith and hope,
Or am I a dope
To wait patiently for Godot?
The South African coast has no snow
So to boggan inland you must go.
In a badly blocked lane
It can be quite a pain
With a very full trailer in tow.
“I’m approaching with caution, my spear
At the ready. My quarry, I fear,
Is aware of the threat.
Is she jumpy? You bet!
But the payoff is sweet – persevere!”
A Variation …
“I’m approaching with caution, my spear
At the ready. My quarry, I fear,
Will pretend to the end
My attentions offend,
Afore switching from scorn to revere.”
“I approach my beloved sur knees –
I’m obliged to cajole and appease.
She’s at pains to make clear
That a dearth most severe
Will ensue if I fail to say, ‘Please!’”
I heard Frosty the Snowman assert
He was tough and he couldn’t be hurt.
When I kicked him “down there”
His loud scream rent the air.
Who says snowballs are hard and inert?
Our glorious pastor will veer
Away from reflections of fear
Like any great preacher
Each sermon will feature
The words that God wants you to hear
Is he the best man for the job,
He who lies when he opens his gob?
All his glitter and show
Has the substance snow
And to boot, he’s also a yob.
In the land where it’s forty below,
Where the polar bear roams, floe to floe,
Do not stray from your base,
Don’t uncover your face,
And above all, don’t eat yellow snow!
In the land where it’s forty below,
Where the polar bear roams, floe to floe,
Do not stray from your base,
Don’t uncover your face,
And, if tempted, don’t eat yellow snow!
‘When the going gets tough, persevere!’
‘The rewards go to daring, not fear!’
But I find I’m content,
To kick back and relent,
With a big box of chocs and a beer.
I have no idea where this came from; I barely knew my father and he never said a word about grades or careers.
From the womb we are taught to adhere
To a path that will lead to career.
Not for us the disgrace
Of poor grades, the shamed face,
And a dad’s disappointment severe.
The nonbinary “they,” so I hear,
Is M.-Webster’s new Word of the Year.
You don’t have to be trans
Of this word to be fans;
I (cis) say it’s a choice to revere!
Merriam-Webster Singles Out Nonbinary ‘They’ For Word Of The Year Honors
“Like a white blanket after a storm”
Shows the writer’s in very poor form.
Ogden Nash would agree:
Snow for you, quilt for me,
And we’ll soon see which one will stay warm!
Past the shop I intended to steer,
But I didn’t quite manage to veer;
With chocolates and candy
And whisky and brandy,
I’m home for the holidays, dear!
No Thanks To Sammy Cahn And Jule Styne!
The weather is 20 below
And I’m mad at my new boyfriend Joe
It’s the end of our fling
Cuz I told him “DON’T SING!”
“Let It Snow, Let it Snow, Let it Snow”
This could be either one or two separate limericks
Our wonderful Rabbi will veer
Away from reflections of fear
For a man who’s so wise
It is not a surprise
That he speaks words that God wants to hear
Our glorious Pastor will veer
Away from reflections of fear
Like any good preacher
His sermons will feature
The words that our God wants to hear
Hallelujah! I’m going to cheer!
Two pounds I have lost in one year!
I wish it were more
Maybe three? Maybe four?
I’m still trying. I must persevere!
We should be landing in sunny Spain
But I’ve let everyone down again
I must persevere
Overcome my fear
And one day I will get on that plane
Hi Mad,
I discovered I had left out the “of” in the second to last line in December 10, 2019 at 8:30 pm offering. Should be …substance of snow
Cheers
Tim
I have been a bad boy, Santa dear,
But I need to be perfectly clear.
Being good is okay;
When I’m bad, the gals say
What I do is a thing they revere.
“I’m approaching with caution, my spear
At the ready. My quarry, I fear,
Is aware of the threat,
But my appetite’s whet,
And my prize is in sight – persevere!”
We recoil from the sharp and severe,
Whereas softness and kindness endear.
Wear a smile, to disguise,
When you wish to chastise,
Then deliver your kick in the rear.
Better, I think.
Whereas softness and kindness endear,
We recoil from the sharp and severe.
Wear a smile, to disguise,
When you wish to chastise,
Then deliver your kick up the rear.
Mr. Snowman was ordered to stay
In the hospital, there he did lay
His wife didn’t cry
Cuz she knew he would die
In peace and just dwindle away
Mad: above limerick: line 3
Could you please change Mrs Frost didn’t cry to: His wife didn’t cry
Thank You,
Lisi
********
Done.
Fixing rhyming error from Dec. 9, 10:04 AM
20 inches of snow, (I’m berserk!)
Thought my new car would run, (I’m a jerk!)
Then I say, “Go to hell”
When my boss calls my cell
And then asks, “You still comin’ to work?”
It’s snowing again – what a treat;
Then melts in the afternoon heat.
And day after day,
It’s always this way;
This dreamworld of mine can’t be beat!
acrostic
S ue loved to go out and just shop
L eapt out of her car and then FLOP!
I n ice she did land
P ushed the snow with each hand
S he then crawled to Macy’s nonstop
This might flow better: ? line 5
S ue loved to go out and just shop
L eapt out of her car, and then FLOP!
I n ice she did land
P ushed the snow with each hand
S he crawled “all way” to Macy’s nonstop
The one person I used to revere?
My dear dad, sadly no longer here
At my window today
A robin popped by to say
Merry Christmas, your father is near
In the Snowman v. Cottontail case,
crisp evidence led to disgrace;
Mr. Snowman’s bad habits
of stealing from rabbits
was as plain as the nose on his face.
When I was young we made snowmen
With noses surpassed by no men
Now as the genders are equal
An apt fitting sequel
Is have all the kids making snwomen*
*Deliberate misspelling
What’s this ridiculous thing that I hear
Greta’s Time’s “Person” this year?
All of White House agree
It should have really been me…
Now more Climate Change talk I fear.
Slight alteration to the above adding “do” to the last line.
What’s this ridiculous thing that I hear
Greta’s Time’s “Person” this year?
All of White House agree
It should have really been me…
Now more Climate Change talk I do fear.
The snow storm was well on its way
In December was sure here to stay
It was truly bizarre
Fine’ly found our new car
In the sunshiny sweet month of May
The Snow fam’ly has a cool daughter
Last week to the graveyard they brought’er
The stone was real neat
It said, “Old Man Sleet
Is Now Known As “Great Grandpa Water”
another version of “Mr. Snowman” (from December 12th)
The snowman was ordered to stay
In the hospital, there he did lay
His wife didn’t cry
Cause she knew he would die
In peace as he melted away
When someone declares “Let it snow!”
I’m willing to bet they don’t know
What it’s like to reside
With three shovels beside
A roof rake that’s ready to go.
a variation
Hallelujah! I’m going to cheer
I’ve lost half a pound in one year!
I am surely not done
Cuz I’m aiming for one
It was worth it to just persevere
Alone in his garret all year,
Van Gogh from his canvas might veer
to his one lonely chair
where he’d say to the air,
“Is there no one who’ll lend me an ear?”
For Greta Thunberg:
We now get to smile and revere
A hero of grace and good cheer.
She bent an attack
To skewer him back;
Dismissing a Trumpian sneer.
When Boston got all that snow a few years back:
In Boston, you can’t drive your caah,
Or ride on the “T” very faah.
With eight feet of snow,
There’s no place to go;
Not even your favorite baah.
If a cop on your rear should unnerve
You, then carefully steer and not swerve.
So just try not to veer
Out of panic and fear
Unless hitting a deer ’round the curve.
With the crap which we’ve all had to hear,
All the damage he’s done is severe
We just cringe in disgust
As we lose the world’s trust
Oh, I wish he would just disappear!
It’s sometimes too hard to revere
A priest who administers fear.
He’s almost controlled
All the sheep – the blind fold
Who believe he’s their shepherd so dear.
A thief in my house did appear
Self-defense made me kill him – oh dear!
Hide the body, hide fear
And make dog food all year.
Persevere! Persevere! Persevere!
If a blizzard enshrouds your chateau
And you’re stuck, so there’s nowhere to go,
Let the fireplace glow,
Have some wine with your beau
And then sing, “Let it snow! Let it snow!”
When I built a snowwoman and snowman,
The kids gathered ’round and said, “Woe, man!”
The mums and wives buzz
And complain; that’s because
All the fathers and husbands said, “Go man!”
Heavy snow needn’t seem so severe
When you’re stranded at home with no beer.
You’ve a roaring log fire,
Boundless mutual desire;
Cause enough, don’t you think, for good cheer?
We seem to be in sync, Suzanne. At least as far as the best course of action to be taken when snowed in. LOL
If I built me a snowman, each part
Would be larger than life, for a start.
No doubt some would say, “Hey!
Why’d you build it that way?”
I don’t have to explain it – it’s art.
It’s more betterer.
“If I built me a snowman, each part
Would be larger than life, for a start.
No doubt some would say, ‘Hey!
Why’d you build it that way?’
Explanation’s redundant – it’s art!”
I’ve just noticed, it’s always snow – MAN!
I’m surprised that, these days, there’s no ban.
Let’s have Snow-Girls, Trans-Gen’ –
And a few lady men –
And embrace the full range now we can.
My new snow shovel’s sure lots of fun
No more worries ’bout when I’ll be done
It’s got a cool grip
And a real snazzy clip
For a cell phone to call 911
A lie Mr. Snowman had told ‘er
Miss Snow Woman said he can’t hold’er
They had a bad spat
And not only that
She gave him that really cold shoulder
I’m known as “The Great Senior Sage”
I’ve invented the “High Tech Snow Gauge”
It’s sure kinda’ cute
Cuz it goes “toot toot toot”
When the temperature’s more than my age
Mad: above limerick: I neglected to put in the word “The” in line 2
It’s suppose to read: I’ve invented “The High Tech Snow Gauge”
Could you please fix it for me?
Thank You,
Lisi
*******
Done.
I’ve just noticed, it’s always snow – MAN!
I’m surprised that, these days, there’s no ban.
Let’s have Snow-Girls, Trans-Gen’ –
And a few lady men –
And embrace the full range since we can.
Dear old Frosty may rant, scream and pout,
But, with patience, and time, I’ve no doubt,
He’ll come ‘round and will see,
Times have changed, so must we,
And who knows, he might even come out.
I’ve just noticed, it’s always snow – MAN!
I’m surprised that, these days, there’s no ban.
Let’s have Snow-Girls, Trans-Gen’ –
And a few lady men –
And embrace the full range since we can.
Dear old Frosty may rant, scream and pout,
But, with patience, and time, I’ve no doubt,
He’ll come ‘round and will see,
Times have changed, so must we,
And who knows, he might even come out.
When old Frosty’s had time to reflect,
He will see there’s no cause to object.
If he will but embrace
The entire snowkind race
With some luck he might even connect.
Sorry. I do think it’s better.
I’ve just noticed, it’s always snow – MAN!
I’m surprised that, these days, there’s no ban.
Let’s have Snow-Girls, Trans-Gen’ –
And a few lady men –
And embrace the full range since we can.
Dear old Frosty may rant, scream and pout,
But, with patience, and time, I’ve no doubt,
He’ll come ‘round and will see,
Times have changed, so must we,
And who knows, he might even come out.
When old Frosty’s had time to reflect,
He will see there’s no cause to object.
If he will but embrace
The entire snowkind race,
There’s a chance he might even connect.
“Well, I’m blessed!” said the snowman. “That’s queer.
I’d have sworn, under oath, they were here.”
‘I don’t wish to decry,’
Said the cop, with a sigh,
‘But since when ain’t a snowman a steer?’
acrostic STORM
S everal people are stuck in the snow
T omorrow’s the big Broadway show!
O h what if they trip?
R ight then break a hip?
( M iami’s the place they should go!)
acrostic STORM (“Submit Comment” was giving me trouble)
S everal people are stuck in the snow
T omorrow’s the big Broadway show!
O h what if they trip?
R ight then break a hip?
( M iami’s the place they should go!)
a slight twist on “Severe and Snow” (L5)
Our marriage is facing its doom
There is no way that we can resume
But the snow storm’s severe
It just won’t disappear
So we’re stuck in a white rubber room
Snow and ice may disrupt, so they say.
Ask ‘Titanic’. They get in the way!
Does no good to complain,
Incur Nature’s disdain.
So why fight it? Just come out to play.
Snow and ice may disrupt, so they say.
Ask ‘Titanic’. They get in the way!
Will it help to complain?
Incur Nature’s disdain?
So why fight it? Just come out to play.
Weathermen can’t be trusted per se;
Their predictions go too oft astray.
If they say, “Rain’s remote,”
Take hat, brolly and coat,
And if sleet, stay at home for the day.
‘Brolly’ is Brit’ Slang for Umbrella – just in case you weren’t familiar with the term.
Politicians and weathermen sin!
They can lie through their teeth and still grin.
They will tell us ‘Black’s white,’
“There’ll be no snow tonight,”
And whatever the outcome, they’ll spin.
Politicians and weathermen sin!
They can lie through their teeth and still grin.
They will tell us ‘Black’s white,’
“There’ll be no snow tonight,”
And whatever the outcome, they’ll spin.
Weathermen can’t be trusted per se;
Their predictions go too oft astray.
If they say, “Rain’s remote,”
Take hat, brolly and coat,
And if sleet, stay at home for the day.
Weathergirls aren’t immune from this curse.
They disrupt our entire universe.
It’s the halo effect,
We believe they’re correct,
When in fact, because lovely, they’re worse.
Iron skies give us warning, you know,
When there’s imminent danger of snow.
Make the most; mull some wine;
Share a hot-tub – divine!
And then bask in the warm afterglow.
Were you Snow White, like Mae, in your youth?
But then drifted – come on, tell the truth!
Did you find that, ‘beguile’
Was so much more your style,
And that naughty was nicer, forsooth?
Iron skies give us warning of snow,
And it’s handy to be in the know.
Make the most; mull some wine;
Share a hot-tub – divine!
And then bask in the warm afterglow.
Definitely better.
Politicians and weathermen sin!
They can lie through their teeth and still grin.
They will tell us ‘Black’s white,’
“There’ll be no snow tonight,”
And whatever the outcome, they’ll spin.
Weathermen can’t be trusted per se;
Their predictions go too oft astray.
If they say, “Rain’s remote,”
Take hat, brolly and coat,
And if sleet, stay at home for the day.
Weathergirls aren’t immune from this curse.
They disrupt our entire universe.
It’s the halo effect;
We aren’t prone to suspect
That in fact, because lovely, they’re worse.
‘We aren’t prone to suspect’ is also an improvement, I think.
When the going gets tough, persevere!
Don’t surrender too soon, or to fear.
Don’t allow life to vex,
Get your fair share sex,
And above all, drink plenty of beer!
Oh, why did we have such a spat?
I want to make up with “My Matt”
But he’s caught in the snow
And I really don’t know
If it’s him. All I see is a hat
“When the going gets tough, persevere!
Don’t surrender too soon, or to fear.
Don’t allow life to vex,
Get your fair share sex,
And above all, drink plenty of beer!”
Oh, it’s all well and good for the tough!
They don’t mind when the going gets rough.
When the going’s severe,
They say, “Get outta here!”
With your limp-wristed, “’nough is enough.”
It’s all right for the tough, they don’t mind.
In their eyes it is cruel to be kind.
They renounce comfy beds,
To make flint arrowheads;
I was into it once but resigned.
The vote to impeach Trup is near
but Forty-Five will never veer
away from his course
on the GOP horse
he’ll feed on to persevere.
There’s not enough inches of snow,
so off to our jobs we must go.
If it’s gonna come down,
let me just stick around
and dish twenty more feet of snow.
It seems that Congressman Drew
With his constituents will screw.
Obviously what we have here
Is deceit quite severe,
A liar and a cheat through and through.
Thanks for the reminder Tony H.
Snow White wore a billowy dress;
And the dwarfs numbered seven, no less.
Whenever one tried
To sneak up inside,
Only Sneezy was easy to guess.
This is off piste, I know, but perhaps it could qualify for a new category: ‘Best Anomalous Limerick’? (Please imagine cheeky grinning emoji)
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed
Believed wounds would heal best if they glowed.
As a proof against clap,
He illumined his ‘chap’,
And it glowed as it growed, as it growed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed
Believed wounds would heal best if they glowed.
As a proof against clap,
He illumined his ‘chap’,
And it glowed and it glowed, as it growed.
Silly me!
Into the snow I go
Sloshing around to and fro!
Way up on top of a mountain
Despite the cold, I’m sweating like a fountain…
Because I made the mistake of looking down below
We’ve not reached the end of the year
But the snowfall last week was severe
So I’ll dress for the cold
And ignore that I’m old
While pretending that I’m still a skier.
My snow globe, a fluid-filled sphere,
Finds its spot on my mantel each year.
Though in dubious taste
(Nicer stuff it’s replaced)
Such traditions I’m forced to revere.
Dear Mad: Though I still persevere
My old muse has now left me, I fear.
Where I once was snowed under
With rhymes, now I wonder:
That snow storm – what caused it to clear?
Sorry. Omitted an ‘of’ in the first post.
“When the going gets tough, persevere!
Don’t surrender too soon, or to fear.
Don’t allow life to vex,
Get your fair share of sex,
And above all, drink plenty of beer!”
Oh, it’s all well and good for the tough!
They don’t mind when the going gets rough.
At the height of severe,
They say, “Get outta here!”
With your limp-wristed, “’nough is enough.”
It’s all right for the tough, they don’t mind.
In their eyes it is cruel to be kind.
They renounce comfy beds,
To make flint arrowheads;
I was into it once but resigned.
I stopped, although why I don’t know,
To watch the woods filling with snow.
After ten minutes’ wait,
Gentle words from my date:
“Hey, my butt’s frosting up! Can we go?”
When you’re young, snow is fun. When you’re old,
Snow is tiresome, and nasty, and cold!
Be a bear, do its thing,
Hibernate till the spring,
And emerge when the weather’s controlled.
Snow is not all it’s cracked up to be!
I tried skiing and now look at me!
Six weeks traction – at least! –
Just for going off-piste;
Bloody Snow! You can keep it! Compris?
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed
Held that members healed best if they glowed.
As a proof against clap,
He illumined his ‘chap’,
An’ it glowed an’ it glowed as it growed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Found that ladies, delighted when showed,
Squealed with pleasure and cooed –
Not a one thought it rude –
An’ it growed an’ it growed as it glowed.
Hey, Mad. I feel a saga coming on. LOL
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed
Held that members healed best if they glowed.
As a proof against clap,
He illumined his ‘chap’,
An’ it glowed an’ it glowed as it growed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Found that ladies, delighted when showed,
Squealed with pleasure and cooed –
Not a one thought it rude –
An’ it growed an’ it growed as it glowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Wished this gift on all men be bestowed.
But the notion misfired,
Not all men so desired,
Though most said they preferred it to woad.
TRUE!! This year in our “senior building” we are having a party Dec. 24th
But God forbid we can’t call it Christmas. We are also having another party Dec. 22, but God forbid no one is allowed to call it Chanukah!
The Kuanzaa folks are a bit worried too.
I have been selected to be the head of entertainment committee and I just got off the phone with the singer.
In this age of Political Correctness, this is “somewhat” how the conversation went
“Mr Johnson, I must make this clear!
When you sing, you must try hard to veer
Away from religion
Not even a SMIDGEN!
Or you might get a punch in the ear!
“Even though you are very sincere,
You do not want to ruin your career
Mad I pressed SUBMIT by mistake!!!
I shall start again!
TRUE! This year in our senior building, on Dec. 22nd we are having a party, but God forbid, do not say the word “Chanukah”
Then on Christmas Eve, we are having another party, but no one is allowed to mention the word “Christmas” (The Kuanzaa folks are a bit worried too)
I have been selected as the head of the entertainment committee, and I just got off the phone with the singer. In this age of Political Correctness, this is “somewhat” how our conversation went:
“Mr. Johnson, I must make this clear!
When you sing you must try hard to veer
Away from religion
Not even a SMIDGEN!
Or watch out! You’ll get punched in the ear!
I know you’re a guy who’s sincere
And you have an important career
“Silent Night’s” such a treat
But I have to repeat
The outcome may be quite severe!
“I know this is true, Lisi dear
It gets harder and harder each year
So I’ll sing “If You’re Happy
(a tune that’s real snappy”)
Life is tough, but I must persevere”
“When the going gets tough, persevere!
Don’t surrender too soon, or to fear.
Don’t allow life to vex,
Get your fair share of sex,
And above all, drink plenty of beer!”
It’s all right for the tough, they don’t care!
They take rough lying down, for a dare.
If you chance to complain,
You get sneers of disdain,
Then transfixed by contemptuous stare.
Oh, it’s all well and good for the tough!
They don’t mind when the going gets rough.
At the height of severe,
They say, “Get outta here!”
With your limp-wristed, “’nough is enough!”
It’s all right for the tough, they don’t mind.
They’re convinced it is cruel to be kind.
They renounce comfy beds,
To make flint arrowheads;
I was into it once but resigned.
For Lisi N.
Yes, the madness is spreading, I hear.
Now they’ve made it a crime, we’re in fear.
But, oh my, how they spend!
And for what? To pretend?
What’s the point if they will not revere?
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed
Held that members healed best if they glowed.
As a proof against clap,
He illumined his ‘chap’,
An’ it glowed an’ it glowed as it growed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Found that ladies, delighted when showed,
Squealed with pleasure and cooed –
Not a one thought it rude.
An’ it growed an’ it growed as it glowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Wished this gift on all men be bestowed.
But the notion misfired,
Not all men so desired,
Though most said they preferred it to woad.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Was so proud and his joy overflowed.
He went out and displayed
But was somewhat dismayed
When detained for not keeping it stowed.
To snowboard is really so tough
You slide down and it’s slip’ry and rough
Invented by folks
Who glide down the slopes
And feel skiing’s not lethal enough
More about our party!
Our singer will be Dan Sullivan. He is so talented. If anyone has a chance, look him up on the Internet. “Dan Sullivan Entertainer”
(Limerick from today at 3:08 PM) And I HAVE known him for a long time!
(Alternate limerick for stanza 2)
I have known you for many a year
And have followed your splendid career
“Silent Night” is so sweet
But I have to repeat
The outcome may be quite severe
I think snow’s overrated, don’t you?
Causes mayhem and mishap – it’s true!
When left lying around
It does things to the ground
Which make driving a right how’d- you – do.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed
Held that members healed best if they glowed.
As a proof against clap,
He illumined his ‘chap’,
An’ it glowed an’ it glowed as it growed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Found that ladies, delighted when showed,
Squealed with pleasure and cooed –
Not a one thought it rude.
An’ it growed an’ it growed as it glowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Wished this gift on all men be bestowed.
But the notion misfired,
Not all men so desired,
Though most said they preferred it to woad.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Felt so proud that he went out and crowed.
They arraigned him – (Dismay!)
For the wanton display
Of what, rightly, he should have kept stowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Once he’d paid off the debt that he owed.
Was released from the gaol
Looking haggard and pale,
But undaunted – his manhood still glowed.
Sorry! I wasn’t happy woth the end – no pun intended.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed
Held that members healed best if they glowed.
As a proof against clap,
He illumined his ‘chap’,
An’ it glowed an’ it glowed as it growed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Found that ladies, delighted when showed,
Squealed with pleasure and cooed –
Not a one thought it rude.
An’ it growed an’ it growed as it glowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Wished this gift on all men be bestowed.
But the notion misfired,
Not all men so desired,
Though most said they preferred it to woad.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Felt so proud that he went out and crowed.
They arraigned him – (Dismay!)
For the wanton display
Of what, rightly, he should have kept stowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Once he’d paid off the debt that he owed
Was released from the gaol
Looking haggard and pale,
But he glowed an’ he glowed as he strode.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Snowed,
Reaped the harvest his folly had sewed.
But departing the gaol,
Looking haggard and pale,
He still glowed an’ he glowed as he strode.
That’s it. The end!
A cross-cultural limerick.
Brit’ Version.
I think snow is a pain in the arse!
When it sets, reminiscent of glass.
Frost is okay, in mod’,
But deep snow is a sod!
On the plus side, it’s good for the grass.
U.S Version.
I think snow is a pain in the ass!
When it sets, reminiscent of glass.
Frost is okay, in mod’,
But deep snow is a sod!
On the plus side, it’s good for the grass.
Corrected before you tick me off. LOL
I think snow’s overrated, don’t you?
Causes mayhem and mishap – it’s true!
When left lying around
It does things to the ground
Which make driving a right how – d’you – do.
Forward planning’s the secret with snow
Follow Nature, stock up as you go.
Triple glazing, log fires,
All one’s heartfelt desires,
Then kick back and enjoy the tableau.
FINAL VERSION:”Advice to the Holiday Singer”
Mr. Johnson, I must make this clear
When you sing, you must try hard to veer
Away from religion
Not even a smidgen
Or you might just get punched in the ear
I have known you for many a year
And have followed your splendid career
Even though it feels right
Do not sing “Silent Night”
Cause the outcome may be quite severe
“I know what you mean, Lisi dear
It gets harder and harder each year
So I’ll sing “If You’re Happy”
(a tune that is snappy)
Times have changed, but I must persevere
(“Lisi, if everyone IS happy and they know it, I hope they clap their hands)
Mad: above limerick: Line one, second limerick: It is obviously I have KNOWN you, not I have KNOW you. If you have time, could you fix that for me?
Thanks, Lisi
********
Done.
(Double)
The snowfall today is severe
The winter is most surely here
I went out to clear it
And now I sure fear it
The “cold front” is also “cold rear”
On a snow-covered hillside in Gwent,
Boy proposes to girl in a tent.
She says, “Yes!” overjoyed,
Then decamps to Kingcoed
Where she promptly renounced him for Lent.
Here in Camelot, Queen Guinevere
Has discovered some boils on her rear.
In our kingdom, we’ve found,
Splendid doctors abound.
They’ve been using the lance a lot here.
My “snow” themed limerick story:
After many a day of snowfall,
To the snowgirl the snowman did call,
“I do hope that perchance,
You would like to go dance.
And the venue, of course: the Snow Ball.”
When she didn’t respond, he got bolder.
“I do think you’re Snow White,” snowman told ‘er.
But she didn’t reply,
So his plans went awry.
She ignored him and gave the cold shoulder.
For cold weather the snowman did pray;
And at first sky was cloudy and gray.
But out came the sun
To spoil snowman’s fun,
And romance simply melted away.
In order to get to know her,
He thought that he ought to show her
That he had a good wit.
That should be a big hit.
He hoped that some puns would snow her.
The wind started swirling quite swift
And gave snowman’s spirits a lift.
And so then, just for fun,
Snowman uttered a pun:
“My snow’s blowing your way; catch my drift?”
Very poorly the snowman did fare
With the snowgirl. He didn’t despair.
When she said, “You’re a flake,”
Snowman made a mistake.
His pursuit seemed to snowball from there.
He persisted. She said, “Please vamoose.”
Then she gave him some verbal abuse.
And eventually,
The poor snowman did see
He should stop his pursuit; it snow use.
Brokenhearted, the snowman did bawl,
And was filled with a feeling of gall.
Though she thought he looked chic,
And admired his physique,
For his nose she did not carrot all.
The snowman, quite sad, did depart.
His heartstrings were broken apart.
If they got together
Despite the cold weather
I’m sure she’d have melted his heart.
This sad story shows just what befalls
Many males who it really appalls.
As might be expected,
The men are rejected
Because women don’t like their snow balls.
“Never mind that he’s old, fat and bald,
Just so long as he comes when he’s called.
Should response start to veer,
Or, in fact, disappear,
Then perhaps he should be overhauled.”
“Ninety-three and he’s worked all his life,
As attested by me – I’m his wife.
But last night, and this morn’,
There’s no blast to his horn,
And it’s causing us marital strife.”
To e continued – if I can persuade the muse to stop by.
Harmony In The Home
“Never mind that he’s old, fat and bald,
Just so long as he comes when he’s called.
Should response start to veer,
Or, in fact, disappear,
Then it’s high time he got overhauled.”
“Ninety-three and he’s worked all his life,
As attested by me – I’m his wife.
But last night, and this morn’,
There’s no blast to his horn,
And it’s causing us marital strife.”
“I don’t like things to change – I’ve got needs,
And I laid down my rules, which he heeds.
Twice at night, then again
Before breakfast, and then,
On occasion before lunchtime feeds.”
Trump’s lucky it’s not too severe
How far off-topic he’ll veer.
His GOP fans don’t mind
But will we soon find
It’ll ruin his chance for next year?
This impeachment could be severe,
But I’ve got nothing to fear.
I’ve got it all planned,
With the Russians in hand,
To win the election next year.
This impeachment could be severe,
But the Russians are who got me here,
So with my friend Vlad
We’ll make the Dem’s look real bad
And they’ll help me get back in next year.
At midnight rode Paul Revere,
“The English are coming I fear.
Wake! Arise from your bed,
Take musket, powder and lead
And we’ll drive the Pommies from here”.
A Lifetime Of Harmony
“Morning Doctor! It’s him – he’s not right,
And I need him put right by tonight.
There’s a fault with his gear;
Yes! I did persevere:
It’s the first time it’s put up a fight.”
“Ninety-three and it’s worked all his life,
As attested by me, as his wife.
But last night, and this morn’,
There’s no blast to his horn,
And it’s causing us marital strife.”
“Never mind that he’s old, fat and bald,
Just so long as he comes when he’s called.
Should response start to veer,
Or, in fact, disappear,
Then it’s high time he got overhauled.”
“I don’t like things to change – I’ve got needs,
When we wed’ I had rules, which he heeds;
Twice at night, then again
Before breakfast, and then,
On occasion before lunchtime feeds.”
“If his pencil’s depleted of lead
His existence may hang by a thread.
Should his case be severe,
I’ll be quite cavalier,
An’ trade up for a young ‘un instead.”
“As your doctor I’m bound to advise
That it might just be time to revise
Your domestic routine;
Please consider, I mean …
Well, at your time of life, is it wise?”
“What has wisdom to do with the case?
We’re quite happy – just look at his face!
He gets all he can eat –
And he’s never been beat’,
So, I think your remark’s out of place.”
“Very well, then, take this and let’s hope
You’re not heading for Slippery Slope.
Don’t mismeasure the drench!
If you should, then retrench,
As you may find you struggle to cope.
While skiing, I never foresaw
That I’d land in the snow (broke my jaw)
People said, “You okay?”
I said, “SURE! “Go away”
I stayed there until the spring thaw
Stay away, I’ve got diarrhoea
And my case is pretty severe.
That’s the problem with Delhi
You always get Delhi Belly…
Why’d I ever want to come here?
The States’ Christians, it would appear
Think Trumps crimes are not to severe.
Though the loss of morality
Seems a GOP based polarity
And something I think we should fear.
In a snowstorm, you always must veer
Away from all things that you fear
So drive one mile an hour
You’ll feel mind-blowing power
And arrive back at home in a year
(double)
My dog likes to poop on the grass
To get rid of the crap he’ll then pass
But when there is snow
And he still has to go
He’ll courageously freeze off his ass
This one’s better (double)
In a snowstorm, you always must veer
Away from all things that you fear
So drive one mile an hour
And with this great power
You’ll arrive safe at home in a year
Cried Sisyphus, “I’ll persevere!
I’ll inch this rock higher, don’t fear!
But then I must stop,
for if I reach the top,
what the hell will I do all next year?”
Here we are, at the end of the year,
And yet no further forward, I fear.
Are we wiser? Fat chance!
Though we fail to advance,
On the plus side, we still persevere.
What can I say? I’m staring at the bottom of th barrel.
With Epilogue and now a twofer saga.
A Lifetime Of Harmony
“Morning Doctor! It’s him – he’s not right,
And I need him put right by tonight.
There’s a fault with his gear;
Yes! I did persevere:
It’s the first time it’s put up a fight.”
“Ninety-three and it’s worked all his life,
That’s attested by me, as his wife.
But last night, and this morn’,
There’s no blast to his horn,
And it’s causing us marital strife.”
“Never mind that he’s old, fat and bald,
Just so long as he comes when he’s called.
But when he starts to jib
He becomes a damp squib,
So, it’s high time he got overhauled.”
“I don’t like things to change – I’ve got needs,
When we wed’ I had rules, which he heeds;
Twice at night, then again
Before breakfast, and then,
On occasion, ‘fore luncheon proceeds.”
“If his pencil’s depleted of lead
His existence may hang by a thread.
Should his case be severe,
I’ll be quite cavalier,
An’ trade up for a young ‘un instead.”
“As your doctor I’m bound to advise
That it might just be time to revise
Your domestic routine;
Please consider, I mean …
Well, at your time of life, is it wise?”
“What has wisdom to do with the case?
We’re quite happy – just look at his face!
He gets all he can eat –
And he’s never been beat’,
So, I think your remark’s out of place.”
“Very well, then, take this and let’s hope
You’re not heading for Slippery Slope.
Don’t mismeasure the drench!
If you should, then retrench,
As you may find you struggle to cope.
Epilogue
“Morning, Doctor! We’re both in the pink,
And it’s all thanks to you and this drink.
We’ll take six more to go,
Just in case it should snow;
Six should set us up nicely, I think.”
Epilogue, improved.
Epilogue
“Morning, Doctor! We’re both in the pink,
And it’s all thanks to you and this drink.
We’ll take six more to go,
We’re expecting some snow;
Six should set us up nicely, I think.”
As I said, the barrel bottom is staring me in the face.
“Here we are, at the end of the year,
And yet no further forward, I fear.
Are we wiser? Fat chance!
Though we fail to advance,
On the plus side, we still persevere.”
“Optimism? Permit me to sneer!
It’s misplaced; you won’t get them to veer.
Politicians are bent!
They will never repent;
It is not in their nature, I fear.”
Twoferred.
“Here we are, at the end of the year,
And yet no further forward, I fear.
Are we wiser? Fat chance!
Though we fail to advance,
On the plus side, we still persevere.”
“Optimism? Permit me to sneer!
It’s misplaced; you won’t get them to veer.
Politicians are bent!
They will never repent;
It is not in their nature, I fear.”
“It’s the way of the world – it’s all show!
And has ever been thus, don’t you know?
Don’t perceive this as strange;
You won’t see any change
Until hell has been buried in snow.”
I didn’t like the last line.
“Here we are, at the end of the year,
And yet no further forward, I fear.
Are we wiser? Fat chance!
Though we fail to advance,
On the plus side, we still persevere.”
“Optimism? Permit me to sneer!
It’s misplaced; you won’t get them to veer.
Politicians are bent!
They will never repent;
It is not in their nature, I fear.”
“It’s the way of the world, mademoiselle,
And has ever been thus – you’ve heard tell.
Don’t perceive this as strange;
You won’t see any change
Till the day they build snowmen in hell.”
You have some brilliant entries, I just had a great laugh reading through them all.
In December the North wind may blow
And the ground will be covered in snow
So take care now me “cocks”
When you put on yer socks
Cos yer don’t want a hole in yer toe!
When December storms are severe
Don’t go walking out on the pier
When the waves are all crashing
A breaking and splashing
Folk will look at you as if you are queer
The two people you should most revere
Each and every day of the year
Are your mum and dad
They may drive you mad
But without them you wouldn’t be here!
For Lisi:
It’s true that that drunk, Paul Revere,
Had had way too much whiskey and beer.
So on leaving the pub,
He rode into a shrub,
Through a privy, and then hit a deer.
When the snowdrifts are way past your knees
And ‘John Thomas’ is feeling the freeze,
There’s but one thing to do;
You must build an igloo;
Even then, there are no guarantees.
You’re stuck in a snowstorm stroke blizzard:
You’ve just slit another chap’s gizzard.
What to do? Hunker down?
There’s no way outta town;
Unless you’re a mage or a wizard.
The Legend of Archibald Spode: Continued
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Held that members healed best if they glowed.
As a proof against clap,
He illumined his ‘chap’,
An’ it glowed an’ it glowed as it snowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Found that ladies, delighted when showed,
Squealed with pleasure and cooed –
Not a one thought it rude.
As it growed an’ it growed as it glowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Wished this gift on all men be bestowed.
But the notion misfired,
Not all men so desired,
Though most said they preferred it to woad.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Felt so proud that he went out and crowed.
They arraigned him – (Dismay!)
For the wanton display
Of what, they believed, ought to stay stowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Reaped the harvest his folly had sewed.
But departing the gaol,
Looking haggard and pale,
He still glowed an’ he glowed as he strode.
Once at home Archie’s grief overflowed,
And at one point, he thought he’d implode.
Then a lady called round
And his sorrows were drowned
As she rode an’ they glowed as it snowed.
Preferred.
Once at home Archie’s grief overflowed,
And at one point, he thought he’d implode.
Then a lady called round
And his sorrows were drowned
As it snowed and they glowed as she rode.
Wherever you worship, revere
Your clergyman’s faithful career
But don’t give donations
You’ve no obligations
And escape from a door that is near
a minor change L4
Wherever you worship, revere
Your clergyman’s faithful career
But don’t give donations
Deny obligations
And escape from a door that is near
The Legend of Archibald Spode
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Held that members healed best if they glowed.
As a proof against clap,
He illumined his ‘chap’,
An’ it glowed an’ it glowed as it snowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Found that ladies, delighted when showed,
Squealed with pleasure and cooed –
Not a one thought it rude.
As it growed an’ it growed as it glowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Wished this gift on all men be bestowed.
But the notion misfired,
Not all men so desired,
Though most said they preferred it to woad.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Felt so proud that he went out and crowed.
They arraigned him – (Dismay!)
For the wanton display
Of what, they believed, ought to stay stowed.
Addled alchemist, Archibald Spode,
Reaped the harvest his folly had sewed.
But departing the gaol,
Looking haggard and pale,
He still glowed an’ he glowed as he strode.
Once at home Archie’s grief overflowed,
And his girlfriend believed he’d implode.
Seeing Archie’s despair
She disrobed then and there,
An’ it snowed an’ they glowed as she rode.
Archibald Spode: The Final Chapter
Now his girlfriend is called Mrs Spode
And together they hit motherlode.
They had girls and a boy
And to everyone’s joy,
They each glowed an’ they glowed as they growed.
“When I fell for a snowman, the chill,
I thought then, was the ultimate thrill.
Once he knew how I felt,
His chill started to melt,
And our love quickly travelled downhill.”
“When I fell for a snowman, the chill,
I thought then, was the ultimate thrill.
Once he knew how I felt,
His chill started to melt,
And our love quickly travelled downhill.”
“There’s a moral, I venture to add,
And you’d best get a tissue, it’s sad.
Snowmen can’t meet your need;
They’re all frigid, indeed,
But my kid really misses his dad.”
Much better penultimate line.
“When I fell for a snowman, the chill,
I thought then, was the ultimate thrill.
Once he knew how I felt,
His chill started to melt,
And our love quickly travelled downhill.”
“There’s a moral, I venture to add,
And you’d best get a tissue, it’s sad.
Snowmen can’t meet your need;
They’re too frigid a breed;
But my kid really misses his dad.”
(double)
Mr. Snowman went wild, it was clear
That his crisis was very severe
He started to cry
Said he wanted to die
His meltdown left only one tear
“Hey, there, Frosty! Your first snowmobile?
Take the plunge! Jump right in! Get the feel!
That’s the air-con, right there,
But of that one, BEWARE!
Heated seats come as part of the deal.”
“Take snowman and snowwoman, unite!
It’s not easy, they’ll put up a fight.
Left alone they will mope;
This will give them more scope,
And together, the future looks bright.”
When we see the first buds, we think, “Swell!”
But for snowmen Spring’s push sounds the knell.
They must fade from the scene
To make way for the green;
But they’ll visit again for a spell.
When we see the first buds, we think, “Swell!”
But for snowmen Spring’s push sounds the knell.
They must fade from the scene
To make way for the green;
But they’ll visit again in a spell.
Sorry. Saw it too late.
(a double)
I have written the “Song Of The Year”
(One can do it, but must persevere)
It’s a cute little ditty
And also quite witty:
“Let It Snow, Let It Snow, Just Not Here”
Most snowmen are never allowed
To hang out with a real boozy crowd
But Frost didn’t care
And sure didn’t prepare
For the fact that he went and got plowed
a minor change line 2 one limerick up (double)
I have written the “Song Of The Year”
(Wasn’t easy; you must persevere)
It’s a cute little ditty
And also quite witty:
“Let It Snow, Let it Snow, Just Not Here”
I depart, at the first sign of snow,
For my villa in old Mexico.
Oh, all right! It’s not real –
‘Least, not yet; but I feel,
That one day I shall reap if I sow.
At the first intimation of snow
I hightail it to old Mexico,
Sip cold beer on the beach,
Pretty girl within reach,
And say prayers for those twenty below.
“I don’t mind that it’s twenty below,
That the landscape is covered in snow.
I can take in my stride
That we’ve three months inside;
I just wish you were Miss M Monroe.”
Yes, you’re bankrupt, but be of good cheer!
Don’t give up, lad! You must persevere.
So you shot for the stars,
And fell short, hitting Mars:
Very few even reach atmosphere.
I always get a bit philosophical as the New Year approaches. (It’ll pass)
It is time to respect and revere
This country we hold very dear
So please learn to speak
With our “English Technique”
Don’t concern, there ain’t nuttin’ to fear
or how about this one?
It is time to respect and revere
This country we hold very dear
So please learn to speak
With our “English Technique”
Dunch you worries; ain’t nuttin’ to fear
Maybe this one?
It is time to respect and revere
This country we hold very dear
So please learn to speak
With our “English Technique”
Dunch yous worries; ain’t nuttin’ to fear
acrostic
A vehicle sometimes will veer
L eft or right, when you don’t even steer!
I t might get you scared
G o and get it repaired!
N ow it’s safer. Get back into gear
Commending The Fifth
We are taught from day one to revere
Mum and Dad, to live many a year.
Mum and Dad take to heart
And exploit from the start,
Then the therapists take it from here.
Commending The Fifth
We are taught from day one to revere
Mum and Dad, to live many a year.
Mum and Dad are not slow
To exploit, as we know,
Which all therapists sanction, “Here, here!”
My New Year’s resolution is going to be, “Don’t publish until you’ve revised to your satisfaction!” It’ll be interesting to see how long that lasts. LOL.
I once said to Paul Revere
“Hey, Paul, what are you doing here?
It’s midnight you know.
So shouldn’t you blow?”
He said, “Dumbbell, my ride was LAST year!”
“Swingeing cutbacks mean bobbies deployed
Are the fewest we’ve ever enjoyed.
Take to crime – persevere!
We must keep these chaps here;
It’s our duty to keep them employed.”
FYI. ‘Bobbies’ is the nickname given to the early policemen in the uk, named after thier founder, Sir Robert Peel. Apologies if you already knew that.
“When I fell for a snowman, the chill,
I thought then, was the ultimate thrill.
Though he knew how I felt,
His chill started to melt,
And our love quickly travelled downhill.”
“There’s a moral, I venture to add,
And you’d best get a tissue, it’s sad.
Snowmen can’t meet your need;
They’re too frigid a breed;
But my kid really misses his dad.”
I know it’s only one word, but it’s definitely better.
When your rhymes are beginning to veer,
And the stress level’s nearing severe,
Think of Mad; grit your teeth,
Return dagger to sheath,
And keep telling yourself, “Persevere!”
The young man’s acne was severe
Looked into the mirror, and shed a tear
He put salt on his face
Then tried to erase
Acne grew, making him look like a queer
Santa fell down in the snow
Then shouted, i’m just to dawn slow
So, he took off his suit
Then wrapped up his boot
Grabbed his blanket and starts to glow
correction of rhyming error from December 16 5:05 pm
To snowboard is really so tough
You slide where it’s slip’ry and rough
Twas’ invented by jerks
With very strange quirks
Who feel skiing’s not lethal enough
When your rhymes are beginning to veer,
And the stress level’s nearing severe,
Think of Mad; grit your teeth,
Return dagger to sheath,
And keep telling yourself, “Persevere!”
It was Mad, after all, who said, “Snow!”
And we all of us said, “Tally-ho!”
We’ve had blizzards and balls –
Genital and dance hall’s –
And we’ve still got a fair way to go.
Said the trollop to Mrs. Revere,
“Paul’s out shouting to all, far and near.
The resistance is humming:
‘The British are coming!’
That’s true; I’ve been bedding them, dear.”
We guys in the dorm persevere
(Not as easy as it may appear)
But we’ve got “staying power”
Till it reaches the hour
That the pizza is finally here
another version
We guys in the dorm persevere
And it’s harder than it may appear
But we’ve got great endurance
And a certain assurance
That the pizza will fine’ly be here
Still in there? You must PERSEVERE!
In the end, it will fine’ly appear
Without any doubt
What goes in, must come out
Although you may get a sore rear
Down in Georgia, where we always go
In the Spring it was 20 below!
A sign on the route
Cautioned “Drivers, WATCH OUT!
There are Southerners driving in snow!”
another version of limerick from 5:40 pm
Still in there? You must PERSEVERE!
In the end, it will fine’ly appear
Cuz without any doubt
What goes in must come out
And I think you’re a pain in the rear
“You can say what you like about snow,
Like, “Bugger!” and “Pack up and go!”
You can shout yourself hoarse,
It ignores you, of course;
Were I you, I’d just go with the floe.”
I fear there’s a sound so severe
Too dreadful to hear with my ear
If I train my old clock
Not to tick or to tock
Monday morning won’t come around here!
“Get your kit off and roll in the snow
You will tinge all over and glow.
True, your tackle will sting,
That won’t matter till Spring,
And you might find your waterworks slow.”
“Get your kit off and roll in the snow
You will tingle all over and glow.
True, your tackle may sting,
That won’t matter till Spring,
And you might find your waterworks slow.”
Sorry, that is, of course, tingle not tinge.
So much for the New Year’s res’. Ho hum.
My kids want another snow day
But this surely won’t be ok
On snow you may trip
And fracture your hip
So I said to them, “There ‘snow’ way”
“You can say what you like about snow,
Like, “Oh, Bugger!” and “Pack up and go!”
You can shout yourself hoarse,
It ignores you, of course;
Were I you, I’d just go with the floe.”
I’m saying nothing.
acrostic: “A Patch Of Old Snow” (a poem written in 1916)
F rom a distance, I looked down below
R eminiscing ’bout times long ago
O ver there by a nook
S o much grime overtook
T he beauty of winter’s lush snow
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
a minor change in Line 2 “A Patch Of Old Snow” (a poem written in 1916)
acrostic
F rom a distance, I looked down below
R eflecting on times long ago
O ver there, by a nook
S o much grime overtook
T he beauty of winter’s lush snow
another variation
F rom a distance, I looked down below
R eflecting on times long ago
O ver hills, near a brook
S pots of grime overtook
T he beauty of winter’s lush snow
Will Donald be out in the snow?
In eleven months we will know
Then with his parting tweet,
Never admitting defeat,
Will claim it was all just a show.
We went off to a Seer
For our fortunes for the New Year
She said to beware
Misfortune is there,
Our lives will suddenly veer.
So then we paid her no mind,
(I never trusted one of her kind),
On our path for this year
We’ll just persevere
And see what it is that we find.
It turned out a horrible year
Blighted, sad and austere.
We lost our fortune and fame
And things I won’t name
That were much, much more severe.
With luck we didn’t die
No matter how fortune might try,
Though it’s patently clear
“Life”, I didn’t revere,
“Why Me! Lord,” I ask, “Why?”
It was so bad, I thought I would scream
Then I woke and found it’s a dream.
It just goes to show,
Steam, hail or snow,
Things are not as they seem.
Trump, ever more corrupt,
His trial, wants to disrupt,
But well persevere,
Not from our line veer,
Mo matter how much he’ll erupt.
The weather outside – so severe;
With snow piling up far and near.
But lovers aglow
By the fireplace know
A heat wave is eminent here.
Frosty the Snowman:
Frosty is thrilled when it’s snowing
Cuz his old snowballs keep growing.
But he takes no delight
When the kids have a fight
Cuz it’s his snowballs they’re throwing.
Thanks so much everyone for four fun weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 335. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Cue.