Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: NEED OR KNEAD OR KNEED at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using NEED OR KNEAD OR KNEED at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to POULTRY, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best POULTRY-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 10, 2019 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 9, 2019 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
I’m in pain, so I need you to knead
All my muscles. Then get me some weed.
I was kneed in the back
By some guy at the track,
And it feels like I fell off a steed.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Back Pain, Competition Limerick, Grass, Health & Medical Humor, Health Limerick, Horse Humor, Horse Racing, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marijuana, Poetry & Prompts, Weed Humor, Writing Prompts
The Trickle of Their Treacle ~
Even if the affluent succeed,
Their trickle-down won’t meet our need.
They’ve tinkled for eons—
That’s why we’re called pee-ons—
And yet, we still lack bread and mead.
My Prof warned, “There’s one thing you need
In order to be PhDed.
Your thesis committee
Must grill without pity.
It’s time that you be third-degreed.”
Writing limericks makes me take heed
To watch cadence and meter indeed.
When the rhythm’s a mess,
What’s the answer? I guess
That a meter maid’s just what I need.
He gave scullers a recommendation
That they ought to use synchronization
To improve their boat’s speed
Because what rowers need
Is a lot of co-oar-dination.
poultry
My turkey’s a really dumb fowl
So dense, that I’ve thrown in the towel
Tried to teach him to spell
But this bird couldn’t tell
A consonant from a darn vowel
Is Mueller giving justice a boost
With more witnesses being produced
Turncoats having their saying
Golden goose is not laying
Have his chickens come home to their roost?
Speedy Pizza will meet ev’ry need
When the munchies arise after weed.
We deliver! No stress:
Thirty minutes or less.
We smoke all the rest, guaranteed.
My first husband was handsome indeed
The second: the “best of the breed”
But now that I’m old
I feel free and so bold
Getting hitched I most surely don’t need
“Baking Class 101”
I don’t want to act highfalutin
But watch how I bake; don’t start hootin’
This dough I won’t knead
And you’ll notice indeed:
There’s more than one way to make gluten.
Replacement’s a cinch. Yes indeed!
2 new hips I received with great speed
But I’m falling apart
And that’s only the start
Cause next Tuesday, I’m gonna’ get kneed
Have pity on this poor gal in need!
I ask you, kind sir; no, I plead:
I SO need a hug,
My reason? I shrug.
But you’re rather hot, I concede.
Our dinner smelled great (yes indeed)
“Delicious Baked Bread Guaranteed”
But then at first bite
Those darn rolls weren’t light
Problem was that they needed a knead.
A baker’s assistant must heed
Instructions to get up to speed.
Now here’s my advice:
Be direct and concise;
Then give them the dough that they knead.
The girls of today, a new breed
Not shy to say what they need
Please try understanding
Just what she’s demanding
Which part of her body to knead
Edited-
You ask why the chicken crossed the road-
For food; perhaps a swell, new abode?
To find more amours?
What business of yours?
The rationale, you’re surely not owed.
Frustrated, thwarted and stricken,
Prevented from stickin’ your dick in?
Discard those taboos
Just try self abuse
Otherwise, chokin’ the chicken
She said to me, “I’m in great need
Of a hefty dose of some speed
My body is yours
To get into my drawers
The deal is the speed for the deed.
We’ve a turkey in the White House, alas.
A bully chicken-hawk, lacking all class.
In case you haven’t looked,
Our goose is quite cooked,
He’s a quack with huge balls of solid brass.
A ballerina most knock – kneed,
To her mad ballet mistress did plead,
“Do not fret, madam, please,
” O’er the state of my knees,
“I just need a quick knock-kneed knead.”
poultry
I had a dear friend, name of “Stella”
Who yearned for this real handsome fella
She cooked him a pheasant
It wasn’t so pleasant
The next day he got Salmonella
I take clay, then I pound hard and I knead.
“Air bubbles, OUT!”, I desperately plead.
Then I make my creation,
And give a libation!
A kiln explosion is not what I need.
In winter I get lots of stares
From unusual clothing I wears
To stave off cold weathers
My coat is hen feathers
Mom told me I should dress in layers
Gary Hallock
The detective, his face in a scowl,
At the murder scene let out a growl:
“These dead turkeys and chickens ―
The sight of them sickens!
Indeed, this is murder most fowl!”
The Investigation Report
Dear Mueller, this is what we need:
So tell us just who did the deed.
We can’t hardly blink
Is it who we think?
(It’s said that The Donald is teed.)
The Lord said to Onan, “Indeed,
I’ll slay you for spilling your seed”
He replied “There’s no waste,
It’s wallpaper paste,
It happens when I feel the knead!’
The chicken was mad and it showed
“I’m old and forgetful,” it crowed
“Forgotten have I
The whole reason why
I crossed this proverbial road.”
poultry
The turkeys were marching in grief
They followed the “Thanksgiving Chief”
All protesting by
With banners held high
And each one read, “Humans! Eat Beef!”
Bob Kraft, a man with dark needs
chose Jupiter to throw his seeds.
When his friends heard the pitch.
They said, “Wow! He’s so rich,
he can go into space to do deeds!”
My bread-making efforts I plead,
Are not of the best and indeed,
It’s not a surprise
That the *ugger won’t rise,
But to call, “Use your loaf!”, there’s no knead.
It was truly a lovely surprise!
The chickens would dive and then rise!
At the swimming event
They all seemed content
And in harmony all swam cluck-wise
My greatest need I say
Is to simply get away
To gently knead and crack
My sore and aching back
So I can jump and shout hooray.
The chickens at the fair
Are truly beyond compare
So, so pretty, they should all be named the winner
And the rest, well the rest should really be my dinner
So let us all go there to lick our lips and stare
The Schlemiel
He said that it was not cool
So would not go to the schul.
Thought he didn’t need
To study or read
But now they call him the fool
I wrote “schul” but the cell switched it to “school” as I submitted it.
****
From Mad:
I fixed it.
An indigent baker named Reid,
Made loaves with some illegal weed.
Sonn the profits did grow,
He was rolling in dough,
Not bad for a baker in knead.
When young men, we all feel the need
A climax each night, guaranteed
Now age starts to wither
The stream turns to river
Nurse changing the sheets ‘cos I’ve peed
Before Jagger knew he’d succeed
He made the bread on which he’d feed
He said, feeling gaunt,
“I can’t get all I want
But I always can get what I knead.”
At Sinai a confounded Moses
Said “God, there’s one question this poses:
Your laws we will heed
But why do we need
To cut off the tips of our hoses?”
The chickens so anxiously ducked
And hurriedly tried to obstruct
En masse they were fleeing
In fear that they all might be plucked
In “Defense School” the ladies agreed
That the following rules they must heed:
“Keep real careful watch
Go right for the crotch
And make sure he is properly kneed”
acrostic
Q uietly Chauncy takes heed
U nder a bush, yet with speed
A snake he does see
I n a swamp near a tree
L onging for edible need
There once was a rich kid from Queens
Who inherited cash in his genes.
He never knew need;
He only knows greed.
Now he insults and taunts and demeans.
Mad: three limericks up, today at 9:30 AM line 4: “That en masse
they were fleeing” should be “En masse they were fleeing”
Could you delete “That” for me?
Thank you, Lisi
*****
Done.
Met a gal with a sexual need
That I doubt anyone could exceed
She’ll get one-after-one’d
She’ll get father-and-son’d
And she’ll sometimes get two’d and then three’d.
Let’s finally get this one right!!
The chickens so anxiously ducked
And hurriedly tried to obstruct
A bobcat from seeing
En masse they were fleeing
In fear that they all might get plucked!
A knight galloped up on his steed
To rescue a maiden in need
The horse stepped in a rut
And he lit on his butt
Fair damsel laughed “till she peed.
‘We need pizzas galore!’ Granny pleaded.
‘I can do it!’ my Grandpa conceded.
At the end of the hour
He was head to toe flour.
He’d needed to knead what was needed.
Trump’s Gut
I DON’T have to study or read.
It’s MY INSTINCTS that make me SUCCEED.
They TELL ME MUCH MORE
Than your Brain can, for sure.
MY GUT has the ANSWERS WE NEED.
I love my sweet darling Marie
We’ve been married since June ’63
Thinks she has no appeal
But I told her that she’ll
Always be a spring chicken to me
We went to a pub called “Charade”
We heard that they boastfully made:
Chickens real “hot”
That just “hit the spot”
Cause their eggs were all blissfully laid
I just seemed to be out of luck
When my “hubby” requested a duck
All I found was a hen
He was furious when
The dinner I cooked him said “cluck”
“K N E A D”
K atrina had people to feed
N ever knowing she couldn’t succeed
E ach time she pressed flour
A lump would taste sour
D ough lessons this lady did need
Made a slight mistake in line 5
K atrina had people to feed
N ever knowing she couldn’t succeed
E ach time she pressed flour
A lump would taste sour
D oughs lessons Katrina did need
The handsome young rooster was loosed
On the young of the brood. He seduced
A hen called Matilda.
The shock nearly killed her!
His chickens will come home to roost.
“RUN FAST! THERE SHE GOES! WE MUST STOP’ER!
She’s gonna’ do something IMPROP’ER!”
(Those chickens ran fast
Didn’t think they would last
They saw Mrs. Axe with her CHOPP’ER)
To make the bread I need
I sift and I mix and I knead.
I make my dough,
Not cooked you know,
By sorting out data at speed.
I used to say that I’d succeed
When I got all the stuff that I need.
But when I got there
Of that I didn’t care
As my needs now greatly exceed.
Why do the rich live with such greed?
They really have more than they need!
It seems, that of stuff
There is more than enough
And of food there is plenty to feed.
For vegans…
My life as a factory hen
Has been pretty crowded, but then,
Now I’m ten weeks of age
I’m let out of my cage,
But will I ever see it again?
Cohen on Trump’s modus operandi…
This demonstrates just how much heed
You put in your faith, in your creed.
As you’ll cheat and you’ll lie
And truth will deny,
Because money and power is your need.
One of my favourite and pet peeves
Is the growth in large SUV’s
There is no need,
Shows fear and greed…
Socially Unacceptable Vehicles please?
Many people take heed
And have an insatiable need
For such flim-flam fluff,
All that made up stuff,
That relates to the God in their creed.
Apologies to Ogden Nash…
This bird is a hen, not a duck.
It doesn’t quack, it goes cluck.
You won’t find them afloat
On pond, lake or moat,
And if it lays, you’ll be in luck.
Donald Trump on the Kim…
“What I would give to be him.
He can screw all he likes
Shoots traitors and dykes
but sadly he makes me look slim.”
Birds of a Feather are Plucked Together ~
My chickens don’t make a large herd
(they’re only one more than one bird)
and their value is paltry
because they’re both fawltry—
though fowltry might be the right word.
Woops, just realised the last one doesn’t contain need, kneed or knead & has nothing to do with poultry though after Cohen, Trump may be one plucked chicken now.
They say a friend in need
Is truly a friend indeed,
But those that I know
Stole all of my dough,
And even stole all of my weed.
“Pathological liar indeed!”
Was Cohen’s reply. “But I need
You to be more precise
When decrying this vice –
If you meant Donald Trump, we’re agreed.”
They zoomed really fast; didn’t stop
And totally ruined the crop
Ducks and geese had to run
In order to shun
The surrey with bright fringe on top
“I regret what I did”, said the Owl,
“When I made that poor Pussycat howl.
But she shouldn’t have kissed
Me; I couldn’t resist,
And I did something utterly fowl.”
I’m stating my final avowal
It’s time that I threw in the towel
This rooster must GO!
As all of you know
His language is horribly fowl
acrostic
K aren said, “I must do what I NEED!”
N ow I’m aching and starting to bleed!
E v’ry step that I take
E nds with pain, then I shake
D o my nads really hurt? YES INDEED!
A lady who I once seduced
Said, “Mister, you give me a boost!”
I used handcuffs and tape
She charged me with rape
Then my chickens all came home to roost
The rooster was really in shock
Cops grabbed him and shoved him in “lock”
He committed a crime
Had to serve all his time
For fighting with one other cock
Those teenagers surely agreed
That the Beatles did always succeed
They finally knew
When the music was through
That Love Is just All that You Need
A guy with a strong carnal need
Told the girls who showed up for the deed:
“What I want, I don’t know.
Let’s just go with the flow.”
Since the gals were Trump hookers, they peed.
While men say they just want to breed,
But really want to share their edible seed,
Fellatio is what they need,
By far the safest sex indeed,
You won’t get pregnant – guaranteed.
For this high school boys promote,
“This is the safest sex” they quote,
Older married men express this need,
But wives refuse to perform the deed,
Saying that activity give them strep throat.
Men once wore them whenever they skied
The golfers, every time that they teed
Ignore all those mockers
And buy knickerbockers
They’re just pants that are more baggy kneed
My chicken, (so sweet) passed away!
But something was not right that day!
There was no explanation
“Bout that strange situation
It may have just been “fowl play”
NOT A DUPLICATE
My chicken, (so sweet) passed away
But something was not right that day
There was no explanation
‘Bout that strange situation
The policemen suspected “fowl play”
From knee pain he wants to be freed.
A surgeon and he have agreed
To cut arthroscopic,
A surgery topic
That says he’s a person in kneed.
My turkey was acting real jerky
So much so, I’d say really quirky
Then I gave him some “joe”
And what ‘da ya know!
His jerky and quirky grew perky
A boy loved a girl who loved reading.
‘A limerick’s just what I’m needing!’
But syllables stressed him.
He came to detest them.
His lim’ricks were ’rendous indeeding.
Last Thanksgiving dinner I ate
And gobbled and guzzled ’til late.
I scoffed like a pig.
’Til my belly grew big.
I was stuffed like a turkey. Damn straight!
“No grabbing!” she said as she kneed
Donald Trump in the groin. “You will heed
What I tell you this way!”
And for many a day,
Donald screamed every time that he peed.
(double duty)
In ancient times, chickens agreed
Castration they sure didn’t need
The boys ran real fast
But it just couldn’t last
And “capons” became a new breed
poultry
Please come to the grasslands with me!
The geese are so lovely to see!
They’re really “go getters”
They know all their letters
Cause all of them fly in a “V”
Our Wonderful “Lincoln Park Zoo” Clark St. Chicago, IL
A fact that is well-known and true
(We just noticed at Lincoln Park Zoo)
Is the reason ducks quack
Cause their verbal skills lack
An oink and a bark and a moo
As a vegan, I follow a creed:
I shall never eat poultry; indeed,
Even eggs are taboo
So I’ve really no clue
Why those fowl all cry foul when I feed.
See these bills in my wallet? I knead
Them. (I spelled that word wrong? I’ll concede
That. But still, all I know
Is that money, like dough,
Is a “must” for my belly to feed.)
Doctor Spooner had verbal bad luck,
For his tongue all too often get stuck,
And he gave them a shock
At the restaurant “Thai Wok” –
He’d intended to order Fried Duck.
Poulet
Curry, roast or broil
Pan fry or in deep oil
Stuff in a turkey
Dry as in jerky
Or cook wrapped in tin foil.
Donald was never aware
He needed his mother to care.
The love he did need
Became insatiable greed,
To feed his inner despair.
The yogi had gum inflammation
And booked in for a quick operation.
He said I won’t bleed,
And pain killer, no need,
As I transcend dental medication.
I’m getting a feeling of dread
I simply cannot get ahead
This dough I can’t knead
But I have to succeed!
Cause it’s really just so good in bread!!
(better)
I’m trying to make a “quiche spread”
Yet I’m getting this feeling of “dread”
The dough I can’t knead
But I have to succeed!
Cause it’s really just so good in bread
The Duck is beginning to flail;
Michael Cohen is making him wail;
He feels like a goose
With his head in a noose,
And the Mueller Report makes him quail.
Trumponomics
“Them tax rebates? Yeah, I agreed,
And I shafted you, I will concede.
But them poor CEOs –
Well, as everyone knows,
They’re the guys who are really in need.”
Adair, his fame was widespread
Explosions, his butter and bread
Said the New England squires
“We have no oil fires,
You’re now in Rhode Island, Red”
I wasn’t convinced she was ‘game’
But I made my pass just the same
She soon cried ‘fowl’
Began to howl
I have only myself to blame
Here’s a story about my friend, Ben
Who visits me time and again
Last week around town
He saw eggs that were brown
Then dreamed of a Rock Cornish Hen
Makin’ donuts, now let me proceed
People love ’em; I always succeed
Got some flour and yeast
Sugar, eggs, (what a feast)
And that’s really all that I’ll knead
At holiday time, turkeys wish
That you’d try a new Thanksgiving dish!
So after our meeting
We thought you’d like eating
A succulent chestnut-filled fish
This version is very appalling
We heard it and all started bawling
“Senior Life “Henny Penny”
Affected us plen’y
Cause truthfully, we’re really falling
I enjoy a nice partridge or pheasant;
Though small, they are tasty and pleasant.
But when I am starving,
I’d rather be carving
A swan, which I’m eating at present.
(Double)
The Donald is known for his greed;
In vain did the poor turkey plead
“Since it’s Thanksgiving Day,
Send a pardon my way”,
But he gobbled it all in his need.
correction
At holiday time turkeys wish
That we’d try a new Thanksgiving dish!
So after their meeting
They said we’d like eating
A succulent chestnut-stuffed fish
“It’s painful,” I hear that you moaned
And this state has been aptly zoned
So what you all need
Is get you some seed
So “everybody must get stoned.”
The farmer’s head started to droop
When he saw his hens had blown the coop.
They were scouring the region
To find them a vegan
Who’d feed them and not mind the poop.
Elections are such a great bore
And losing parties are sore
So now they fly back
To give “Him” the sack
The Raven has spoke: “Nevermore.”
I’ve been watching The Avengers (TV series) lately, starting with Season 1 Episode 1, many of which I watched when they first aired in the ’60s.
It Wasn’t Steed and Mrs. Peel ~
She fell off a steed that she kneed,
so both were in great pain indeed.
Grass softened their fall
Which just proves overall
Where there’s smoke there was fire and some seed.
To eat Vindaloo, it takes pluck
It’s after, the diarrhoea struck
Stomach tying in knots,
Have you still got the trots?
My poor Indian Runner, Duck!
Geppetto worked real hard indeed
Creating his puppet with speed
But he dropped that poor fella
And broke its patella
So Pinocchio’s stump got re-kneed
My chicken was glum in her coop
She was coughing and had a bad croup
We called Doc Elixir
He told us to fix’er
By giving her hot people soup
My wife cried, “We women have rights!”
(Ev’ry day we have terrible fights!)
Her cholesterol’s high
So, at last I did buy
Her a chicken that lays only whites
(double duty)
These chickens are really the best!
And have all passed the famed “Pullet Test”
They’ve been guaranteed
To fill the lone need
For my children who all left the nest
The Investment
Purchased for a pretty penney
Now, should I feel like a ninny?
I sleep like a log
With my faux “guard dog”
(Grand ruckus made by the guinea)
Forgive me father, I concede
I have sinned in thought word and deed
With Sister Theresa,
She begged me to please her
The poor girl was in desperate need.
Mama chicken said, “Meet my son Buck!
And there is my other one, Huck!
The third’s like his father
So don’t even bother
He’s fittingly named The Dumb Cluck”
Got a Persian and Maine Coon to feed
A damn Tabby and Khoa (ev’ry breed!)
“Hub” came home with a Manx
I stopped dead and said “Thanks
Gee Golly, that’s just what I need”
The “Dollar Store’s” clean out of luck
Can’t find any help and they’re stuck!
So they hired a chicken
Who’s exceedingly quick ‘an
Checks everyone out with a “buck”
This is a true story. I “Googled’ it to MAKE SURE. (Try it)
In the fall of 1945 a farmer and his mother-in-law in Colorado were planning to have a chicken dinner. They decided that “Mike” would taste just delicious.
However:
Here’s a story about chicken “Mike”
And I know it is something you’ll like
His head was cut off
But he didn’t scoff
Even though he was struck with a spike
Well 18 months quickly went by
And Mikey was still “flyin’high”
But then harshly provoked
This bird at last croaked
And sadly poor Mikey did die
above limerick: I forgot to mention the fact that the farmer’s
name was Lloyd Olsen !!
Along with the dawn’s early glow,
A rooster is starting to crow.
After screwing all night
In the hen house, he might
Just want everybody to know.
more sensible ending to 2 limericks above: story of Chicken Mike (line 5)
Well 18 months quickly went by
And Mikey was still “flyin’ high”
But then harshly provoked
This bird at last croaked
(So sad that poor Mike had to die)
I snort Adderall? Those are damned lies!
All those sniffs are bad sinuses, guys.
Plus, I DON’T use or need
Any bennies or speed.
(I would wink, but I can’t close my eyes.)
‘I’m no chicken!’ crowed Rooster to all.
Head aloft, beak held high, strutting tall.
Then he slipped and fell. Splat!
On a sticky cowpat.
They say pride comes before a great fall.
A rugged old ranger loved feeding
The ducks on the black lake, not heeding
The sign that read ‘Danger’.
Those ducks ate that ranger
And none heard his pitiful pleading.
Baking bread takes much skill to succeed
So remember to buy all you need
Ev’ry cook should have gauze
And the reason’s because
You must punch that damn dough till you bleed.
The chicken just rolled and then rocked
His friends were just totally shocked!
Didn’t wait for the song
And just got it all wrong
He started to dance real half-cocked
There’s a farmer in town we all know
Who is known as “Despicable Joe”
He coerces his hens
To decay in foul pens
And he shoves all his ducks in a row
Those billionaires plainly agreed
That spa was fulfilling a need.
But then the disgrace:
Being caught in a place
While cops were recording the deed.
A poultry purveyor named Fran
Said “I’m in real need of a man.”
She found a young buck
Who was eager to…pluck
Her chickens to fry in a pan.
My poultry plant foreman averred
That I’m worthless. He spat out each word:
“If that hen you just plucked
Isn’t spotless, you’re f*#%ed!
Give it here!” So I flipped him the bird.
“Las Vegas”
A dollar is all that you need
To play “Twenty One” and succeed
But then you will lose
Walk away! Just refuse!
Cause nothing can satisfy greed
Or Another Way Of Looking At It In Las Vegas
A dollar is all that you need
To play “Twenty One” and succeed
And then when you win
WALK AWAY!! ( And just grin)
Because nothing can satisfy greed
Here at Trump University
You’ll learn business in all its diversity.
An idea’s seed
Is all that you’ll need
To make cash without undue perversity.
Trumps ego is over inflated,
And his success is over-rated.
An insatiable need
For attention does plead,
Which he gets by the lies he has stated.
Trump’s opinion and results are mismatched.
He was counting his chooks ere were hatched.
He’s now playing the game
Of “Laying the Blame”.
I think we shall see him dispatched.
Well really there isn’t a rule
And those who conform are a fool.
They’ll all get a lickin’
As I beat them at chicken,
They get flustered while I keep my cool.
After insults, taunting and goads
Some violence in Bodrum explodes
As times of the ferry were murky
The brave stayed fighting in Turkey
But the chicken crossed over to Rhodes
Walt Disney said, “I sure do need
To invent an extremely rare breed!
Which must quack like a duck
Who’s a really dumb schmuck
And its name shall be “Donald” Indeed!”
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
In Flanders you have to concede
They’re not like Danish or Swede
Their pleading and begs
For much straighter legs
Is what the girls of Knokke need
In the wine bar, they’re raising a glass
To the duck who’s lacking in class
Who’s just asked the waiter
Can you come back later
To stick your bill up your arse?
A fellow lived with a horse.
A stable relation of course.
Asked if he did need
A wife, he said, “Steed
And I will run this course”.
A twofer:
My chickens are scratching for feed.
They get all the seed that they need.
They look like they’re dancing
And joyfully prancing.
It’s poultry in motion, indeed!
I’ve got 25 people to feed
Got all of the food that I need
I’ve a real boring clan
So this year my plan
Is stuffing the turkey with weed
Our new senior housing will need
A name that will surely succeed
It was briefly proposed
That this place where folks dozed
Shall be “Kingdom Of Grand Dying Breed”
(double duty)
A goose answers many a need
Yet farmers, you sure must take heed
If its eggs are pure gold
(As the fable is told)
You might be a slave to your greed
Sex Oral? Have fun while you feed.
Sex Anal? It’s backward indeed.
But what of our need
Long after we breed?
Sex Married? You’re free now to plead.
“We’ll offer whatever you need.”
Perusing their wares, he agreed.
Conditions were met;
The transaction was set.
Their service a bonus, indeed.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 317
Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Race.