Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCENT, SENT, or CENT at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SCENT, SENT, or CENT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GAMBLING, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GAMBLING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 28, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 27, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
The Republican Party is bent
And broken; its rapid descent
Into evil’s been led
By Trump. It’s in bed
With a “gent” who has much to repent.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Political Humor, Political Satire, Writing Prompts
I never will give my consent
To “infer” when “imply” is what’s meant,
“There” for “their,” “then” for “than,”
“Cant” for “can’t,” “may” for “can,”
Or a tab for a first line indent.
Don’t get stymied by Rump, Neil and Brett —
We can surely take Congress back yet;
But the stakes, come this fall,
Will be “winner take all” —
If we all vote, we’ll do it, I’ll bet!
“Believe me, those tax breaks weren’t meant
To you buy food and pay rent.
All those trillions in cash
Were not given to trash –
They were just for the .1%.”
Ooops, posted a wrong version. Correction:
“Believe me, those tax breaks weren’t meant
To help you buy food and pay rent.
All those trillions in cash
Were not handouts to trash –
They were just for the .1%.”
No, the Senator cannot be bought!
Susan Collins for sale? What a thought!
But her vote is to rent
If you need her consent –
Just six figures, and Brett’s in the Court.
“If he wins, I shall eat it!” I spat.
“Trump’s a moron, a spoiled, ageing brat!”
Today, I am rueing
My wager, still chewing
That huge, indigestible hat.
The right wing has tried to cement,
Their control over our government,
And as they campaign
Their slogans are vain,
And their promises not worth a cent.
The manatee uses its farts
To stay buoyant. Such flatulent arts
Helped the Donald’s ascent,
And the farts of that gent
Are still keeping him “high” in the charts.
The effort is truly wholehearted
So now with your money, you’ve parted
You’re on a “hot streak”
You have just reached your peak
Then end up right where you have started
The others he thought he outsmarted
Then soon as this game had been started
He bet his last penny
And just like so many
This fool and his money soon parted.
The trillions of debt that we’ve spent?
I’m just doing what Vladimir meant.
“The US must crash,
Then I’ll buy you for cash
When your country’s not worth one red cent.”
Barry’s Bane
The small demon grinned: I was sent
To prevail if you try to prevent
Your descent into hell
‘Cause, boy, gambling is swell!
I’ll leave after you’ve not one red cent.
But Beth, Barry’s wife, snarled: You imp,
You’re Blackout Casino’s worst pimp!
Barry, stop where you are
Now and go get the car!
Then she speared Nastykins like a shrimp.
With all gamblers, it’s best to be wary;
All too soon, he was Backslidin’ Barry.
He got hold of a Visa
From new girlfriend Lisa…
On your shoulder, hon, look! It’s a fairy!
(Beth left him for non-gamblin’ Gary.)
(a sure bet)
This hooker had one crafty skill
She’d steal all your money, then “thrill”
Trump said, “Don’t think she
Would like someone like me”
Then I bet him a penny, “She will”
Her husband was starting to vent
At the smell of her very strong scent.
And he said “What’s that stench?”
She replied “It is French”
So he said “Just open the vent”
There once lived a young player named Jill
Whose fast charm was a rather hard pill
She could beat Jack at
Black Jack with his hat
On his head, in his hand, up the hill
Las Vegas Jerk
HEY! Welcome to “21 Table”
Now play it as BEST as you’re able
The dealer’s got 20
She says, “Hit me for plenty”
(We threw her right under the table)
At poker, she wanted to win
She sat there with quite a big grin
In her hand 5 great cards
And of course, no discards
She goes crazy. Stands up. And yells “GIN”
Blackjack Anyone?
“Well how much is 20 plus 1?
“C’mon now, we’ve only begun!”
“I think it is 40”
“That’s right! (My friend Morty)
“How ’bout Hop Scotch, you Flake Of A Gun?
Now this is my LAST cigarette!
So why does my pal look upset?
I told him, “It’s true”
“With this habit I’m through”
Then he said, “Ha Ha Ha” “Wanna bet?
A French writer of doubtful intent
Weds a young girl who hasn’t a cent;
Then comes a great scandal
He finds hard to handle…
The name of this film’s not “Co-Lent.”
A quite terrible message was sent
By the White House. It’s clear what Trump meant-
That people’s lives don’t matter;
The Saudi’s he’ll flatter,
As long as corporate profits augment.
They gamble on the fate of the earth,
They view climate change with great mirth.
They couldn’t care less
The planet’s a mess,
As long as they increase their net worth.
What’s that now? Just follow the scent;
Get closer, the smell will augment.
The swamp’s true, horrible stink,
Is even worse than you’d think,
As our country continues its descent.
At Bingo, we’re all big-time betters
But some of us can’t hear the letters!
Jane swore it was “B”
Had a fight with Marie
The funeral’s at two at “The DEBTORS”
Okay, maybe I’ll get points for trying the added challenge of including everything in one limerick.
The ads say Ivanka’s new scent
Must certainly be Heaven sent.
To try out a tickle
I’d bet a wood nickel
But I never would spend a real cent.
Brett’s K’s choirboy claims had the scent
Of enormous deception, but went
Undisputed by those
Who’ve proved anything goes
When on stacking the Court you’re hell-bent.
A communist wanted to rent
A young whore till his urges were spent.
But this hard-working doxy
Showed free-market moxie
And took him for ev’ry Red cent.
Money’s gone and I don’t have a cent.
Every dime that I had has been spent.
Bet it all on a horse,
Came in dead last, of course.
Now I’ll have to go live in a tent.
Don’t Toss Your Pearls ~
Some say my limkericks are gambling
That folks won’t think they’re always rambling,
But they don’t deserve
The cuisine that I serve—
Like pearls before swine, they see ham bling.
Two In One
When I said how much money she’d spent
I thought, “Hey! Maybe now she’ll relent.”
But the gleam in her eye
Said, “The Jackpot is nigh!
And I won’t hear a word of dissent!”
Two In One 2
When I said how much money she’d spent
I thought, “Hey! Maybe now she’ll relent.”
But the gleam in her eye
Said, “The Jackpot is nigh!
You could jinx it, so ditch the dissent!”
Every dime of our money’s been spent
We simply cannot pay our rent
So me and “My Kenny”
Now moved to “The Penny”
So that each month we just pay one cent
The President’s Here! (what a gent)
“Now Ma’m, only with your consent:
“I’ll give you a thrill
“All your needs I’ll fulfill”
(“Have a nice day, you owe me a cent”)
A hacker of criminal bent
Pilfered money wherever he went.
Cyber bloodhounds gave chase,
But this guy was an ace ―
And he left them with nary a (s)cent.
The “Gamblers Anonymous” set
Is a group who are greatly in debt
But our “chief” didn’t show
Seems that he had to go
To the race track to place a “sure bet”
In Las Vegas, I bet the big “G”
(Had some fun, just Maria and me)
I spent all my money
Then my wife said, “Look Honey!”
“They gave us our drinks all for FREE!”
Mad: above limerick: Could you please change (in line 2)
and put in: “Took a trip just Maria and me” instead of
(Had some fun just Maria and me)
Thank You Lisi
Divorce papers signed, sealed and sent
Since my husband stopped being a gent
Hormonal injections
Have stopped his erections
And now he’s wearing my scent
My lover just makes me content
Our sex life is quite an “event”
But I have one strict rule
I don’t mean to be cruel:
“Leave your shoes on, I can’t take the scent”
I bathe once a month to prevent
Wasting water, (I sure do resent)
And then every day
I apply “Lilac Spray”
So that people will notice my scent.
I’m perplexed by the very word, scent
It’s a puzzle I can’t circumvent
It keeps me awake
With a throbbing headache
Is it the “S” or the “C” that is silent?
When the vampire got stabbed in the eye
He told his attackers “Nice try”
Without wood through his heart
He can’t fall apart
And won’t die if the stakes are too high
While hunting with Robin and Tuck
Will Scarlet, he ran out of luck
Stacked cards was their game
Did the band feel no shame
They chorused “We don’t give a f***”!
I play poker, (It’s just such a vice)
And I’ve certainly lost more than twice!
So now it’s Roulette
Can’t believe what I bet!
My damn life is a roll of the dice.
When we die we’re Heaven Sent,
That is if everything went
Well in your life,
No trouble or strife,
Otherwise you’ll be Hell Bent.
If you persist in unruly foment
To Coventry you will be sent,
To silently suffer,
(And without supper),
But its closer than Aix or than Ghent.
Don’t BYOBO ~
Descenting man’s really big biz,
And the profits are higher for Ms.
Deodo makes cents
From both ladies and gents,
’Cause a nose prefers rose to what is.
A Wry Roll ~
He gambled that he could make sense
Of a string of unlucky events,
But the dots on his dice
Like the best men and mice
Went awry.
(Not the kind that ferments.)
Off the Battlefront ~
There once was a dark, stormy knight,
Who went to the frontier to fight,
But the place he was sent
Caused a sudden descent
Where the Earth’s edge was hidden from sight.
The Hunger Hunts It’s Prey ~
He gambled all day and all night
On the scent of success, though in spite
Of his faith that he’d win
On the very next spin,
Every loss fed his game’s appetite.
His Quick Rise and Fall ~
He thought that if he gave the sentry
All his ha’pence, perhaps he’d gain entry.
She said, “Keep your cents.
What say I in defence?
Element’ry—you’re peon, not gentry.”
A Nose for Hoes ~
The old bloodhound was back on the scent—
Hot pursuit, because that was his bent.
“The blood came from where?
Oh yeah, somewhere down there.”
All his lawyers denied where he went.
Well “Hi There”! My favorite “Cookie”!
It’s time for your private parts Lookie!
You just smell like a rose!
Now please hold that pose:
I’m getting a call from my Bookie”
I think that I’m gonna collapse!
I’m going for one of my naps!
I lost all my stash!
We ain’t got no cash!
Cause my day was just one pot of craps!
This one’s better
I think that I’m gonna collapse!
I’m going for one of my naps!
I just lost all my stash
So we ain’t got no cash
And I have a bad case of the Craps.
As the boss, I said “Let’s all chip in”
The Lotto’s next week; we could win!
And what a surprise:
We all won the grand prize
Then expounded that “Gambling’s a sin”
To the market, I happily went
Buying goodies, my total intent
I was short just one penny
Then saw my friend Lenny
(Asked him “Buddy Can You Spare A Cent”?)
Another One (similar)
As the Boss, I said, “Let’s all chip in”
“The Lotto’s next week: we could win!”
And what a surprise!
We all won the grand prize!
Then informed them that “Gambling’s A Sin”
At the craps table, looking quite nice,
She was playing. My friend’s wise advice:
“Buddy, don’t try a pass;
She’s way out of your class.”
Still, I gave it a try ― but no dice.
Said a skunk from the forests of Ghent,
With Chanel Number 5 as her scent,
“As pheromones go
I can draw buffalo,
But that’s really not the intent.”
Every time man contributes a cent
To any good cause or event
Mankind will rise
Up toward the skies
And that’s why it’s called Man’s Ascent.
Our good PASTOR said, “Let’s all chip in”
“The Lotto’s next week; we could win!”
And what a surprise
We all won the grand prize
Then his SERMON was “Gambling’s A Sin”
An unlucky rhino bambino
Lost at cards in a casino.
The floor boss said, “Man,
It wasn’t my plan
To ruin a rhino in Reno.”
Sherlock Holmes, peering down with back bent
Said, “Watson, I’m hot on the scent!”
But Watson said, “Rot!
I rather think not.
You just walked into wet cement!”
Oh, she’s ruthless, but looks so demure.
And she’s bluffing, but how to be sure?
If I’m wrong, it’s my shirt –
And she’ll still have her skirt –
And no buying back in, that’s for sure.
My buddy sure made it real clear:
“When you’re going to Vegas this year
If you make it real big
Just listen and dig:
“Take your winnings and then disappear”
Home From Vegas
We really won big, but it’s funny:
Come over and look at this Honey!
Now here’s all our loot
But it doesn’t compute
I think it’s Monopoly Money!
In Poker, we all upped the ante
Yet money and chips were still scanty
So Joan raised the stakes
And she made no mistakes
(The champ gets to take off her pantie)
If you’re married, but looking for “spice”
Don’t gamble with love; here’s advice:
No e-mails or text
Cause we are all hexed
By Big Brother who rolls all the dice
My bookie said, “Look, by the gods,
How horse number 2 merely plods,
Numbers 4 and 6 suck,
Number 8 has no luck;
I’m trying to say play the odds!”
correcting previous error in which I rhymed cards with discards
At Poker, she wanted to win
She sat there with quite a big grin
In her hand was a flush
She started to rush
Then goes crazy. Stands up. And yells “GIN”
There once was a guy named Clark Kent
Who from some other planet was sent:
Where the business attire
Would appear to require
Matching tights and a cape for a gent.
We Democrats always resent
Donald’s words about Warren’s descent.
When he cries, “Pocahontas,”
We respond as he’d want us.
Our outrage is his full intent.
Alas, there’s no way to prevent
The damage that clearly is meant.
We cannot debate
‘Cause his base thrives on hate.
His support suffers nary a dent.
I’m feeling a strong discontent
This production just makes me lament
The roar of the grease paint
Just makes me feel so faint
And this crowd has a really bad scent.
So Trump gambled and won,
But America what have you done?
You’ve elected a fool
Who’s idea of rule
Is to get you all under his thumb.
I wrote these a few days ago… I don’t know if they qualify a “Gambling”
Friend Mohammed, here’s what well do
Claim it was not up to you
They’re rogue we shall say
And they shall pay
I think they’ll buy it, don’t you?
Yes Don, I like what you say
To make this mess go away.
I’ll stick and won’t move,
For what can they prove?
We’ll make the announcement today.
Mohammed, I said there’d be trouble,
Though not the sort that makes rubble,
More wet bus-ticket slap
On the wrist, there’s the chap,
We’ll have this thing fixed on the double.
R. B. Fuller talked about Livingry
Replacing the trading of Killingry.
Trump seems hell bent
To speed our descent
As he lauds Arms Trading quite willingly.
With the Korean wooing quite nascent
And his trip to see Vlad near adjacent,
He might think he’s Dandy
But he’s no Gandhi,
And he shouldn’t be getting complacent.
The ne’er ending war against weeds,
The plants that no hungry mouth feeds.
No sooner sent
To compost to rent,
Spring forth the familial seeds.
It seems, when I look at this site,
That people who limericks write
All hate Trump’s ascent
And harsh government,
Proving limerick writers are bright.
One can gamble with love and romance
Or perhaps try their luck with finance
But if you bet the Pres
Will do all that he says
You just ain’t got one fighting chance.
We play poker with “Doofus-Head Tex
Who’s constantly bouncing his checks
This guy’s such a fool
(Thinks he’s really so cool)
That he marks all the jokers with “X”
Now here is a really nice scent
It makes me just feel so content:
I mix breast milk with play dough
It makes me smell nice so
My dates call me “Baby Doll Bent”
Well, just let me try to recap:
We landed in Vegas, (a SNAP!)
Got right back on the plane
John forgot to obtain
His “No- Fail And Lucky Jock Strap”
The preacher yells “You must repent!
Damnation shall mark your descent!”
Salvation is not
His intention or thought;
These “sinners” keep paying the rent…
The casino put on a big show;
A rock band from so long ago.
While taking the stage,
We noticed their age
Made walking and rolling real slow.
Say what?
*****
From Mad Kane: The word “casino” triggered my blog’s software to require approval, because casino is such a common spam word.
Al Pacino was blind but he meant
To make himself very content
So he swayed and he strut
A mean rug he did cut
Cause a true Femme Fatale has a scent.
OR THIS ONE!
Al Pacino was blind but he meant
To try hard and be real content
So he “TANGO ED” away
Till the break of the day
Cause a true Femme Fatale has a scent.
With the magician’s intent
Our attention goes where it’s sent.
So what’s DeVos doing?
With what is she screwing?
On what conjuring is Trump Hell bent?
Another similar…
The magician’s sole intent
That our attention is craftily bent.
So what else is he doing,
That we’re not viewing,
While our focussed attention’s absent?
The best Al Pacino one
Al Pacino was blind but he meant
To try hard and be very content
He just “tango’d” away
Till the break of the day
Cause a true Femme Fatale has a scent.
The coiffures’ daily pursuit
Is to tidy up the hirsute
Trimming the gent,
Ladies, curlers and scent,
And young ones to leave looking cute.
The email that I just sent,
I’m not really sure where it went.
I have to confess
I’ve no email address
But used the address where I rent.
The VP, we’ll call him Suspense,
Would he act, or sit on the fence,
When Trump’s finally sent
For his impeachment?
Would he calm, or like Trump, cause offence?
Go Brooklyn Dodgers!
In the “early days” all of us went
To a hang-out that made us content
A Coke was a nickle
You could get a free pickle
And bubble gum cost us a cent
(gambling)
Just bet you a cent you can’t name
One plan that gave “Donald” great fame
I see that you’re stuck
You are now out of luck
Where’s my penny? I must stake my claim.
I know my dear wife is real cute
But in poker she just can’t compute
She started to blush
Said she had a Royal Flush
Cause the “guys were all wearing the same suit”
Above Limerick: line 5 has too many syllables (try again)
I know my dear wife is real cute
But in poker she just can’t compute
She started to blush
Said she had a Royal Flush
Cause the “guys all had on the same suit”
I just can no longer support’er
I’m down to my very last quarter
I’m in a bad spot
Cause it seems that I’ve got:
Obsessive Casino Disorder.
“Don’t Waste Your Money”
My friend, do not take the wrong path
I’m afraid you might feel sudden wrath
The “Lotto’s” for dopes
Who just don’t know the ropes
(And in school, they were real bad at math)
An English man in the US
On a fling with a waitress from Kent
The girl, in his pride, put a dent
Said “This sex isn’t thrilling,
not really fulfilling”
Him – “We Brit’s only tip 10%”
Flora Bea is a cabbage patch doll
Bought 1985 in a mall
Her doll head has a scent
Missing eye and a dent
Because now she’s used as a football
Play Rummy as best as you’re able
But always remember this fable:
“If opponent has aces
The very best case is
Just gently kick over the table”
At the race track it can’t be denied
That sometimes you just lose your pride
Your horse is “THE ONE”!!
(But son of a gun)
He took you for quite a nice ride.
My friend Billy said, “You are no good!”
“You’re a gambler and out ‘n out hood”
“C’mon and admit
“That you really can’t quit”
(So I bet him 10 bucks that I could)
My poodle is so discontent
Her boyfriend just left her and went!
So to make her feel better
I shopped just to get’er
Cologne that’s called “Doggie Butt Scent”
So we engage in with the jollity
As we practice our art of frivolity.
Our sole intent
That comment is sent
Never minding the dubious quality.
We’re both so extremely content
And our sex life is quite an “event”
My gal smells so nice
Just like “sugar and spice”
She says she wears “Glamourpuss” scent
An oxygen mask can prevent
Your torturous “yuk” discontent
When your girlfriend is wearing
That crap OH SO! glaring:
The perfume which is called “Colon Scent”
The old man’s penny wasn’t a mint
It starts to let off a bad scent
So he threw it away
Then it came back to play
Penny sound music in a brown tent
Yes, she’s bluffing, of that I am sure,
But to prove it, I‘ve got to endure.
Only underpants left
So, all in, or be reft?
After this, win or lose, it’s the cure!
“It’s a dead cert’!” he said of the horse,
I believed him and backed it, of course.
Dead was right! Lost my shirt,
Which, I promise you, hurt,
But not nearly as much as divorce.
A Gambler’s Lament?
“I confessed when she pressed me, of course.
‘Yes, I have bet the house on a horse.
We can’t lose. It’s a cert!
Came in last. Boy, that hurt!
But not nearly as much as divorce
There once was a fine dining gent
who loved everything a chef sent
but after more wine
would later opine
“I’ve had better food from carny tents!”
(Grappa: Italian grape brandy)
I heard “gambling tales” from my Pappa
I’d sit in his lap; he’d drink Grappa
He’d say, “Back in the day”
For “big stakes” he would play
And claimed he was “Phi Beta Crappa”
My “hubby” won big at Roulette
And was given a new red Corvette!
We drove to the beach
Then he called me his “peach”
(It’s a dream I will never forget)
Was this fella’ just joking or real?
(He certainly had no appeal)
Then he bet me a dime
I would find him “sublime”
So I told him he had a “done deal”
On Christmas gifts Joan and I spent
Too much money (could not pay the rent.)
But it wasn’t too late,
So at quarter to eight
We retrieved them from where they were sent.
Mad; : above limerick line 2 should not read too much money now can’t pay the rent. It should be : Too much money (could not pay the rent)
Can you please change that for me?
Lisi
******
Done.
A fool and his money are soon parted
Some ventures you wish you’d not started
Tried double or quits
My horse got the shits
Was left at the post and just farted
A Gambler’s Lament?
“I confessed when she pressed me, of course.
‘Yes, I have bet the house on a horse.
We can’t lose. It’s a cert!’
Came in last. Boy, that hurt –
Very nearly as much as divorce.”
I bet on a horse ten-to-one
Then it seemed like my luck was “all done”
Cause it came in at 3:00
And my friends all agree
That this lazy mare WE could outrun!
(A sure-fire bet)
If you want to get nothing, here’s how
Just follow these rules and then POW!
Start out with a lot
Put it all in the pot
Then say, “Bye bye, sweet money, sus ciao”
OOPS! messed up line 5!
If you want to get nothing, here’s how
Just follow these rules and then POW!
Start out with a lot
Put it all in the pot
Then say, “Bye bye sweet money, it’s ciao”
BETTER
If you want to get nothing, here’s how
Just follow these rules and then POW!
Take all that you’ve got
Throw it into the pot
And say, “Bye bye, sweet money (it’s ciao”)
Is gambling a real true addiction?
Or is that nonsensical fiction?
Though if you play craps
And then start to collapse
It seems like you’ve got an affliction
I’m sorry, there’s no offence meant
But when you got chucked out of the tent
No underarm spray
Could hide your ‘bouquet’
The polecat has a much better scent
“Atlantic City”
My wife (dear Maria) and me
Just lost all our dough in A.C.
But we still have our pride
And so now we reside
At “Chateau De La Boardwalk” (It’s free)
A man on a peak in a tent
Ate beans and at first was content
But he fouled all the air,
Which was thin way up there,
And left him craving a rapid de-scent.
In the truck to pick cherries she went
With her son and his football bud Kent
Just like all the jocks
They took off their socks
And mama nearly died from the scent
There once lived an old woman from Ghent
Who cracked her gum and came to repent
She was told, “Don’t you chew
or place gum on one’s shoe.”
Down the seat, that darn cracked gum she sent!
Went to Las Vegas and played the craps
Next to hot chicks in cellophane wraps
I became way too lit
It was time to just quit
When my head fell between their thigh gaps
His casinos went bankrupt. This lout
Is a screw-up, without any doubt.
He’s incompetent, vain.
It’s increasingly plain
That we, as a nation, crapped out.
In a recent letter I sent,
to a particularly prickly gent,
I suggested we meet
for a Halloween treat,
but he misunderstood what I meant!
My father would stop off for gambling,
on his way home from work he was rambling.
His money was spent
down to every last cent,
and for rent we would always be scrambling.
In Vegas, I really went nuts!
Lost money, (just ripped out my guts!)
But then my pal said,
“Hey! Don’t worry, Fred
Over there are some great nickle sluts”
In Vegas, we had a dispute
The boss, I was ready to shoot!
The slot showed 3 cherries
I wanted THEM BERRIES!
Then out came some actual fruit.
While two bloodhounds pursued a scent,
They discussed how their lives were spent:
“We’re no Westminster wuss;
Crackin’ cases are us,
And we duti’fly pay our rent.”
A man who had anger to vent,
Caused a number of bombs to be sent
To his foes on the left
But today he’s bereft,
Because Trump still will NOT pay his rent.
“I’ll bet you mine’s bigger than yours!”
Said the man with the pussy-grab paws.
His was laughably small,
But he won after all –
“Biggest dick in the world!” Loud applause.
The victim began to ferment,
And exuded a horrible scent.
Said Capone, “A disaster!
You guys have used plaster –
I told you, it MUST be cement!”
I can’t stand my really big hips!
And none of your godawful quips!
I’m very dismayed
Cause each week I played
Texas Poker with M&M chips.
There’s an archer who’s charismatic;
His precision is automatic.
Everyplace that he went,
People said was the scent
Of cologne that was arrow-matic.
For people like me, there’s no doubt
The gambling wheel carries much clout.
When I play, if I lose
Lots of cash, I may choose
To gamble more. Don’t roulette out.
MBS’s accounts all ring hollow,
And each version is harder to swallow.
Though I don’t often wager
On anything major,
I’ll bet there’s more bullshit to follow.
Politicians should really remember
To buy Christmas gifts by September,
Ere their very last cent
In October is spent
On preserving their seats come November.
My generous husband, “Dear” Trent
Gave me pearls; it was quite an “event!”
I saw the receipt
Gee, that man is so sweet
He spent his whole income: one cent.
There was a pig farmer from Kent
who had troubles wherever he went.
He as handsome and charming
but smelled so alarming,
that no one could handle his scent!
Life’s stressful and risky to boot.
That fact few would likely dispute.
Other options are worse,
(could end up in a hearse!)
so I’m stuck with this giant crap shoot!
The politics of the right are content
To return us to caves or a tent.
One hopes that the goal
Of the upcoming poll
Is that they don’t just go but are sent.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 309. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Placed.