Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: HOLE or WHOLE at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using HOLE or WHOLE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SCHOOL SUPPLIES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SCHOOL SUPPLIES-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on September 30, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 29, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A fellow went out for a stroll,
Healthy exercise largely his goal.
He encountered a hitch,
Falling down in a ditch.
Not too healthy that walk, on the (w)hole.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Exercise Humor, Health, Health Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Let’s start the ball rolling with a double-duty true-story limerick in memory of my late father, one of the best and most compassionate teachers I’ve ever known:
I believe every child needs a pen
And a notebook, a pencil — so then,
‘Cause my Board has no soul,
I end up in the hole…
Yep, you guessed it: Teach shells out again!
Started this as a silly poem. But it fit the theme so well I changed it to a limerick.
Golf on TV is quite droll
Just lots of white guys on a stroll
And each time, so it seems,
When the ball hits the green,
Some moron shouts, “Get in the hole.”
Since The Donald’s been wearing Depends,
the fun in his pants never ends:
hookers slide down his pole
to his runny a$$ hole,
but his mouth is what really offends!
“Leading man in a porno his goal,
And my word, he was ‘made’ for the role.
But turned out, he’s no good;
Poor guy couldn’t make wood
Because some of his part had a hole.”
The typical internet troll
May find it exceedingly droll
To be callous and crass
And then laugh off his ass
But the sum of his parts is a hole
Trump said that one major goal,
Was reviving dependence on coal,
But appeasing the miners,
And right-wing hardliners
Our climate goes down a black hole.
A common elementary school sight,
Were crayons in colors so bright,
Yellows, reds, greens and blues
In various hues,
Spanning from black to pure white.
updated version
Once an elementary school sight,
Was crayons in colors so bright,
Yellows, reds, greens and blues
In various hues,
Spanning from black to pure white.
Off to school! Way back when, we walked slow
We carried a load; books in tow
But now it’s a breeze
Kids get ready with ease:
Have breakfast. Grab smart phone. And go.
Who remembers this?
In the fifties, our ultimate goal
Was to sit and go dig a big hole
Then to China, we’d go
It was right down BELOW!
All we ever could find was a mole.
The Most Important School Supply
In high school the guys said, “I dig ‘er”
“There’s something about her! Such vigor!”
When that school bell would ring
You can bet I would bring
Some tissues to make my boobs bigger.
In the fifties I’d say (as a whole)
Was a time we just loved Rock ‘n Roll!
We’d “Lindy” and Bop”
(And of course, never stop)
Then watch “Bandstand” and all do the stroll.
Those Supplies! Now let’s all stop and think:
The basics are pencils, pens, ink
But the girls have a rule
When they go back to school
All their loose leafs just must be in pink.
THIS CAKE! I will NOT eat the whole!
I MUST lose some weight! (That’s my goal)
I will take a small piece
So I won’t be obese
(Have the rest, when I’ve lost all control)
Enchanted by His Rant? Down With Teachers!
The Con-ald claimed, It’s not too wise
To buy the whole class school supplies,
God knows they don’t need ’em!
And why do you feed ’em?
You teachers tell unwholesome lies
To the public, and I get the blame!
Each middle-class kid is the same;
Your greed for a paycheck
Contributes to home wreck:
Declaring you need more is lame!
So rise up and call out the teachers,
What this country needs is more preachers!
Your children don’t matter
(I’m mad as a hatter)!
I’m counting on youse in the bleachers…
(Who’ll call Chump out? Maybe Jack Reacher.)
On the golf course, I have good control;
It’s a skill that the ladies extol.
I’m a sensitive guy,
Bad in bed, and here’s why:
‘Cause I average four strokes per hole.
SCHOOL SUPPLIES FREE PENCILS !
My Mom had a shop here in town
She sold women’s wear, (gained much renown)
All my pencils were red
Everyone of them said:
“Do Not Wait! Winter Dresses Marked Down!”
You all know that I live on a Knoll,
It’s really quite great as a whole.
But since it’s near a river,
In cold winters we shiver.
You can get blown away if you stroll.
They don’t want a piece; want the whole!
To have everything is their goal.
If you get in their way,
Repub. thugs make you pay.
We need to get back what they stole.
With celibacy taking its toll
The priest bought an inflatable doll
From over inflation
He suffered castration
Now it’s not worth repair on the whole
Czech, Slovak, Romanian and Pole
Use very few vowels on the whole
With those c’s, z’s and j’s
Your eyes start to glaze
Feels like spitting your teeth in a bowl
We can ALL relate!
In September that darn school year starts
But even those kids with real “smarts”
Still forget a supply
That they needed to buy:
An oxygen mask for the farts.
PC keyboard is taking its toll
On my sanity. There are a whole
Lot of keys falling off,
So I hope you don’t scoff
When I say that I’m losing CTRL.
They met on a gallery walk;
Then went to a café to talk.
She thought he was nice
And texted him twice;
But he was just blackboard – no chalk.
It seems getting things in a hole,
Is Trump’s only serious goal.
Whether golf or a broad,
With his prowess, he’s awed,
With a rod, he feels in control.
I learnt on my first day at school
That a pigeon could still be a ‘stool’
When asked “Who’s whistling like this?”
She said “It’s John Shardlow Miss!”
Little girls can often be cruel
I will beg, I will plead and cajole
But knowing I lack self-control
Keep the Mars bar (in batter
Deep-fried), from my platter
Or else I’ll devour it (whole).
Grown-ups have a game with a hole,
Then lots more to which you must stroll,
While swatting a ball
Till into them fall,
If all that is humour, it’s droll!
So now I go back to my class
With flack jac to cover my ass
Helmet for my head
Defense tactics read
Academically staged is this lass
Take a butternut squash—leave it whole.
(‘Cos peeling it sure takes its toll!)
Wash it clean and then roast
It’s as easy as toast.
Slice, butter, and serve in a bowl.
My chemistry text is my shield
A Bunson I know how to wield
While valor is fine
One must know the sign
There may come a time you must yield
He’s Dynamite in Bed! ~
Her husband, a miner, was droll,
But a loving and sensitive soul.
Both tender and steady,
She knew he was ready
When he shouted, “Fire in the Hole!”
Good Fellows ~
Though most would disgrace a bordello,
Some limericks are tender and mellow,
But they can’t be whole—
They haven’t a soul—
If they don’t leave a smile, laugh, or bellow.
Manage
Perhaps contradicting or proving my previous post:
Half-Assed or Whole-Hearted?
Love can be half-baked or whole
Depending on each lover’s goal.
It might look the same
But it’s only a game
If each heart’s not caressed by each soul.
Two tough guys, with purposeful stroll
Made one zealous and vigilant whole!
But they made such a botch
On the Neighbourhood Watch
By arresting a cop on patrol.
We bring notebooks, and crayons, and glue,
Large erasers that are a pink hue,
Scissors, pens, pencils; case,
The large cost- a disgrace!
Need a knapsack to carry stuff, too.
EDITED (please delete the first posting of this).
It’s important that we see the whole,
Peace and justice are always our goal.
“They go low, we go high!”
‘Cause we’re NOT the bad guy.
Stand up, resist, take back control!
**********
Done.
FEMA
You asked me what is my goal?
To not go into the hole
The fast rising foam
Has flooded my home
Survivors can’t be made whole?
“This shoe making’s taking its toll.”
Said the cobbler, “I’m deep in the hole.
I’ve got boots on the shelf,
And old Satan himself,
Refuses to buy up my soles.”
He stood his ground on the whole
But found there’s none under his sole.
Disconcerted he grumbled
As downwards he tumbled
And cursed that critter, that mole.
We were at the Hollywood Bowl
I was fit and ready to roll
Till screaming in pain
I sailed down the lane
With one finger stuck in a hole
Mueller’s ongoing probe, says the troll
is just a witch hunt without goal,
and yet if they order
we have trial by water
Team Trump might float as a whole.
I left out a word in line 3 ‘by’
Trump said that one major goal,
Was reviving dependence on coal,
But by appeasing the miners,
And right-wing hardliners
Our climate goes down a black hole.
The kids are just sometimes inclined
To leave lots of notebooks behind
I, myself, don’t forget
Cause I’m organized, yet
As a teacher, I HAVE lost my mind.
My “hubby’s” one ultimate goal
Was to get me in bed for a “roll”
I said, “Dear, do the dishes
Then you’ll get all your wishes”
(And THAT was my “ace in the hole”)
I waited for “Sneaky Nicole”
To divide up the money she stole
But after the crime
She came back with a dime
(In her pocket, the loot burned a hole)
Glue Sticks: a MUST school supply: no more dripping!
Some teachers say glue sticks are “crap”
Cause the kids don’t replace that darn cap!
Yet it has many uses
For noise it reduces
When spread right on Johnny’s big trap.
Humpty Dumpty was such a sweet soul.
But one day he just lost control
When he called 911
They said, “Listen Son
With insurance, we’ll make you feel whole”
The “Donald” is one nasty soul
Finds bimbos, then uses control
During lapses of time
He can still feel sublime
Cause he’s built a petite glory hole
“Oh John! You just make me feel whole
But my Mom said I must use control!”
So he gave me a hug
Was that candy a drug?
My virginity he then doth stole.
If you have a true “make-believe” goal
You surely are one lucky soul
Just make it a habit
To find a white rabbit
Then follow it right down a hole
Was a young man called Button
Who hankered after some mutton.
So a sheep he then stole…
In a week ate the whole!
You’d have to say he’s a glutton.
Inhabitant: Only one soul…
You might have to say its a hole?
It’s seen better days
Since the gold prospecting craze…
But he’s mining the tourists for “Gold”.
Doesn’t qualify, but…
There was a smart fellow named Bert
Who was selling holes full of dirt.
When buyer’s got there,
The hole was nowhere,
But they couldn’t pin dirt “Dirt” on Bert.
There was a young golfer called Trollop
Who’d hit the ball with a wallop.
His putts on the whole
Went way past the hole,
But he’d go round the course at a gallop.
— Chinese Restaurant —
They made a big batch of flied lice
For the local school, a suplise.
Chop suey and won tons,
Orange duck for the Dons,
For their opening, to advertise.
The NRA I surmise
Want guns as stock school supplies.
Theory: Teachers are armed,
So pupils aren’t harmed,
Could end up with more loss of lives.
If the Don should be impeached,
(That Citadel finally breached),
There’d be a big hole
In the Twittering Soul,
“Don’t do it”, Twitterati’s beseeched.
Great singers, they say as a whole
Are the ones who’ve been blessed with pure soul
And when “chestnuts are roasting”
The folks are all toasting
The voice of the great Nat King Cole
I can’t say I’ve met Old King Cole
But they say he’s a likable soul
But the stench of that pipe
Would just sure make me gripe
So I’d rather be stuck in a hole
If you’ve lost some essential supplies
It really would not be too wise
To steal from Jane’s locker
It surely would shock ‘er
(She’s always squeezed in with some guys)
There are those who’d resuscitate coal.
It’s a silly, illusory goal
Which we need (as is said)
Like a hole in the head ―
From the folks with their heads in a hole.
AN ESSENTIAL SCHOOL SUPPLY
Our teacher, the “Nasty” Miss Gough
Said, “Students, I don’t mean to scoff:
But yesterday’s class
Made me feel like an ass
So today please turn all cell phones OFF!”
Oh Boy! we were on a great roll
Three times in one night! (Bless his Soul)
Way back in the day
We sure knew how to play
But now, he just can’t find that hole.
I liked my new “fix-up” date, Joel
Till I noticed a really big hole
In my purse! (wasn’t funny)
He ran (took the money)
Who knew he was out on parole?
Consider the plight of a mole;
To tunnel, his primary goal.
Here’s one they would mock:
Two feet, then a rock;
And that is the sum of the hole.
Mad:
If you happen to notice my limerick called “Glue Sticks”
written yesterday, September 17th at 8:48 am. line four
I typed, “For noise is reduces” And of course it should be
“For noise it reduces”
If you can find it, can you change it for me? (I just noticed it)
Thank You,
Lisi
*******
Done.
I’ve done what most teachers will do:
Bought supplies so my kids muddle through.
If it helps, though, I ― HEY!
PUT THAT CELL PHONE AWAY!
Here’s the thing I can’t buy them: a clue.
A Job to Retire From ~
It seems my retirement’s goal
Is simply to get off the dole.
It’s a socialist scheme
With a negative meme
But without it, I’ll go down the hole.
Sue needs this essential supply
Her lap top! And here is just why:
She wants to do better
And learn every letter
Cause now all she types is an iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii
A doughnut got stuck in a knoll
Some guy SAVED his LIFE with a pole
He looked just like candy
And sure came in handy
Now they’re husband and wife:”Hole and Hole”
My love life has taken a toll
I gave him my heart and my soul!
But we’re nothing alike
And he sure hit a strike
When he put his square peg in my hole
What features in tutor’s wet dreams?
It’s foolscap in quires and in reams
Papyrus and velum
Stimulate cerebellum
But chalks on a board produce screams
Trump Jr. has written a book;
It features an interesting look.
With pictures and stuff
Of his dad looking tough;
One crayon is all that it took.
Erasers and Chalk: essential supplies of days gone by
As a teacher of 35 years
I certainly shed many tears!
The kids threw erasers
I came home needing chasers
There MUST have been other CAREERS!
“Hey, we’re gonna be burning clean coal!”
But polluting the world is his goal.
All his speeches are farts,
And the sum of his parts,
All agree, is A+ … suffixed “-hole”.
Her vol-au-vents all contained vole,
Guacamole she made from live mole,
Ratatouille from rat …
Well, we couldn’t eat that,
And we fled from her toad-in-the-hole.
Stormy Daniels is sure on a roll;
She’s The Donald’s bete noire, on the whole.
She asserts that his winky
Is just a tad dinky:
A swizzle stick more than a pole.
“School supplies? Buying books is imprudent.
Don’t waste money on stuff that you shouldn’t.
The school budget is meant”,
Said DeVos, “to be spent
Buying guns for each teacher and student.”
“I’m the greatest the world ever knew,
Number 1 among Presidents – true!”
But he speaks though a hole
That expresses his soul,
So he constantly spews Number 2.
The Professor, a kindly old gent,
Was as poor as a mouse – not a cent –
Till he peddled the asses
Of girls in his classes.
His site: “school.supplies@to.rent”
I’ve just spotted a cool Facebook poll —
“Do you think 45 has a soul?”
One creative reply:
“We’ll find out, should he die,
But for now, it looks more like a hole.”
Once paper and pencils and glue
Kept kids hushed for an hour or two.
Now teachers can’t cope
With the slippery slope
Of “I’ve got the new iPhone! Do you?”
Red-state pols think that welfare’s “too nice”?
Voted out, I believe they’ll think twice:
They won’t starve on the dole —
They’ll get by, as a whole —
But they’d better not hate beans and rice.
Spelling “hole” with four letters can vex,
As most rhymes address golfing or sex —
But a five-letter “whole”
Is a balm for the soul
And gives access to themes more complex.
Asked the cop, “Why’re you diggin’ that hole?”
Sighed his neighbor, “For Ma… rest her soul.”
“For your Ma?” “Yep, she’s dead.”
“Gosh, what happened?!” “She said
‘I’ll be damned if I let you go bowl!'”
For Mad’s contest, I’d say, as a whole:
You must be quite witty and droll.
Now the syllable “key”
Is to count up to “three”
To achieve your great metrical goal.
Nostalgic School Supply
Oh yes, I remember back when
(And I think of it time and again)
The greatest “supply”
Which caught everyone’s eye
Was the blue two-tone Paper Mate pen
I think that a good school supply
Is “Charmin” and here is just why:
What they give you at school
Makes you feel like a fool
It’s like cardboard that’s hung up to dry.
THIS ONE’S BETTER
For Mad’s contest, I’d say as a whole:
You must be quite witty and droll
And the syllable “key”
Is just ” Count up to three”
To achieve your great metrical goal.
In Holland a young Yorkshire tyke
Put his hand in a hole in a dyke.
He’s now on parole
Because of that hole…
And that Greta the dyke didn’t like.
Us people are on the whole
Digging a climate change hole.
With Trump-like deniers
And other decriers
It doesn’t bode well for us all.
Each of us has a small role
In linking from pole to pole.
To see, for a start,
We each have a part.
Together we make up the whole.
For things to change first must I
Expecting you to is “Pie in the Sky”..
So making us whole
Is not just a goal…
Only do. Demonstrate; there’s no “Try”.
Jane’s leaving for college today
And all her supplies look okay!
A back pack and pencils
All kinds of utensils
And a bottle of strong pepper spray.
HOLIDAY FASTING
To “fast” I would say, as a whole:
You must practice belief and control
Yet my prayers did include
The thoughts of some food
And the taste of a nice onion roll.
Well, Kavanaugh wants a new role
The Court and the Bench are his goal
And when on the stand
He will raise his right hand
To tell some of the truth, not the whole.
Well Trump is just one clever soul
It looks like he’s reaching his goal
With shovel in hand
He is plowing the land
And digging himself a big hole.
Paul Manaforfeit:
The objective: to make himself “whole”;
It required his selling our soul
To Putin and crew.
Then the bottom fell through;
That “WITCH HUNT!” is taking its toll…
Over iPads adults make a fuss
while the kids cry, “Mom! Dad! Equip us
with pencils and pads
so it doesn’t look bad
when we do our homework on the bus!”
Some knowledge Aristotle imparts
What’s greater than the sum of its parts
From the Greek with a title role
The answer was always ‘the whole’
Is philosophy dear to your hearts?
Lisa! In my bucket’s a hole!
Seems all my money you’ve stole.
Dear Henry, my man,
It’s a half-gallon can…
Had only three dollars, that’s all.
An education is what school supplies,
(Sometimes with an excellence prize),
But we have to confess
Some schools are a mess
And it’s a wonder any pupil survives.
Back In The Day: Teacher School Supplies: LOTS of paper for 3rd Grade
“arithmetic”
We teachers must make a decision!
And be sure that we’ve made this provision!
To buy paper in reams
As to follow the streams
Of the voyage to South Long Division.
Lack of 3rd. Grade School Supplies: no paper left!!!
“Gee, kids we’ve no paper today!
I didn’t have money to pay!”
(That’s really a lie)
But I HAVE to get by
Cause them spitballs were comin’ my way.
ESSENTIAL TEACHER SUPPLY: “Garden of Lilies Spray” $3.98 plus tax)
(worth the money)
There’s a really nice sweet-smelling spray
That we teachers should buy right away
It’s a POST RECESS brew
Cause it stinks like a zoo
When the kids come back after they play.
“There’s A Hole In My Bucket” (1933 song)
Now Henry just had no control
(And he really was such a good soul!)
But Liza the pest
Would not give him a rest
About that damn bucket and hole.
Just what’s a “caboodle” ? (asked Joel)
“I’m the “Word Guy” (thus it is my goal)
“To discover, Dear KIT
AND find out ’bout this shit
Which has something to do with a “whole”
My blind date had a face like a troll
And a stomach as round as a bowl,
But I made him depart
When he started to fart
Trombone solos from out of his hole.
To the tune of “Row, row, row your boat”…
Roe, roe, roe to moor
Gently at the shore.
Were rich quiggeley,
Very piggely,
But sturgeons are no more.
I should also have mentioned that was to do with schools of fish, as also is this…
A delicacy no one denies
Is just what our school supplies.
But from a sturgeon,
You people we’re urging,
Heed our possible complete demise.
As also is this school supplies…
Caviar is my favourite dish
And I can eat all that I wish.
The virgin sturgeon
Doesn’t need urging,
That’s why it’s my favourite fish.
The man who’s complete, who is whole,
Can be said to have heart, to have soul.
The man after renown
Is a fool, is a clown…
Which one is our Trump? It’s your call!
Improvement of limerick from 9/17: better meter and makes more sense
It seems that his ultimate goal
Was to get me in bed for a “roll”
I said, “Do the dishes
To answer your wishes”
And THAT was my ace in the hole.
If you have to eat wheat, have it whole
Try baguettes, flatbread and roll
They’re kind to the colon
You’re belly’s not swollen
Make healthy eating your goal
Ratty, Badger and Mole
Proved very good friends on the whole
They fought against evils
Beat off Stoats and Weasels
Giving Toad back his Hall that they stole
She’s teaching a pole-dancing class;
Her students are grasping with sass.
They’re shinning to slide
And learning to ride
A skinny but tall piece of brass.
School dinners we had after the war
(In Forty Five, not the Boer)
The gravy was runny
Custard tasteless and lumpy
Don’t ever believe ‘less is more’
As Alice was out for a stroll
She followed White Rabbit down hole
Tea partied with Hare
Met Cheshire Cat there
A drug habit out of control?
Changed the last line (from September 23, 2018 at 7:09 am)…
The man who’s complete, who is whole,
Can be said to have heart, to have soul.
The man after renown
Is a fool, is a clown…
Which one is Trump? It’s an own goal!
A mare had decided to troll
Her lead stallion, who swallowed it whole.
“I’m afraid, stud, I’m late;
It’s your child I await.”
It was all a big joke. April Foal!
‘Twas de rigueur to eat the school lunch
But the mincemeat often had crunch…
Out the hard bits I’d pick,
That stuff made me sick…
They ground up the whole cow is my hunch.
The council school lunch cooks were lazy,
(Of that my memory’s not hazy),
What they’d serve was incredible
And mostly inedible…
If they ate their own food they’d be crazy.
Roast dinner was never the same…
Vegetarian then I became.
Of the fat and the gristle
I could write an epistle
There’d be so many people to blame.
Spiral notebooks–brand new, free of scrawl–
And fresh pencils and crayons enthrall
Me. Erasers excite,
And those clipboards delight.
But that ruler is king of them all!
In the slammer, my singular goal
Is escape. So last Wednesday, I stole
From the kitchen some glass
For a shiv—but alas,
I got caught–so it’s off to the hole.
More Fol-Dee-Rol
A policeman when out on patrol
Reports, “under a bridge, there’s a Troll”
He’s been missing his suppers
And scared of goat tuppers
I’ve booked him a night in the ‘hole’
Some cream cheese and lox play a role
In the sandwich we call “Kosher Soul”
And the finishing touch
(We all love them so much)
Is a round piece of bread with a hole
“The Informant”
There was something not right about Joel
Since his “story” had one real big hole
He said, “She’s my sister”
But I know that he kissed ‘er
(Cause my lawyer’s the world’s greatest mole)
Essential School Supply: A Drill
My cousin, (and best friend) Nicole
While changing for gym LOST CONTROL !
Seems Bill brought a drill
So he’d get a great thrill
And peeked at her right through the hole.
Important School Supply: A condom
In eighth grade John said, “Gail’s a “goody”
“Oh Man! She just gives me a woody!”
“So a condom I keep
Cause she’s gettin’ it “deep”
For three years, it stayed in his hoodie.
A scientist trained at Woods Hole
Studied haddock, mackerel and sole
But his favourite fishes
We’re served up in dishes
And tuna came top of the poll
Is Stormy, Dem’s ‘ace in the hole’ ?
Is impeachment their ultimate goal
Does she leave the GOP’s gasping
Will it be Trump who is asking
It it me ‘For whom the bells toll’ ?
Variations On A Theme
If you’re wanting a man for the role,
Who’ll commit to you, body and soul,
Then invite him to test,
Tell him, “Give me your best!”
And then tally the parts with the whole.
When recruiting a star for a role,
Most directors want body and soul.
If you’re called in to read
You must aim to exceed
In the sum of your parts to the whole.
When your candidate bares heart and soul,
And you’re thinking, ‘She’s great for the role’.
But when checking her res’
Your experience says
That the parts don’t add up to the whole.
Expensive School Supplies For Brats
Some people will always assume
That I’m Spoiled! And that’s what they presume!
Just what is so bad
’bout my Ralph Lauren pad
And erasers that smell like perfume?
My Girl
My girl dances around a pole
She can yodel old rock and roll
But only when she’s drunk
And calling me a punk
So, I pushed her in a sinkhole
Another Poll
Here it is, another dense poll
Of fake news and the death of Soul
And the orange man dings
As Melania blings
Killing the next ace in the hole
Alexander Graham Bellski’s a soul
Whose sad story will fill you with dole.
Hist’ry books, as a whole,
Fail to mention his role
As the first-ever telephone Pole.
Taken by Boko Haram and held tight,
Since our capture about this time last night…
We are in a hole,
But Thank God I speak Bole
From “Learn a Language in Two Weeks” website.
Behaviour’s reflected in games…
We see who accepts and who blames.
And those cheat in their soul:
“We’ll call that in the hole!”,
Who gives up and who remains.
Yes behaviour’s reflected in games…
Who muddles along and who trains.
Of those on the whole
Wouldn’t be there at all
Who plays hard and who simply feigns.
So behaviour’s reflected in games…
Who’s patsy and who uses brains.
Who’s in sin-bin hole
For unsportsmanlike goal;
Who fades away and who gains.
Of two things we have in our lives,
Sex, like a meal, satisfies…
Said Stormy (a bit droll),
“Lunch” didn’t fill the hole…
Seems his Trumpeting’s not up to size.
Limerick, Limerick, Limerick’s three
That’s what a Trimerick happens to be…
So said a book
From school that I took…
But this ain’t one, though “Limerick’s” three?
(Well four actually… but who’s counting? Not me!)
Now we know Trump resorts to hyperbole
And world leaders reacted superb-ally
The “Again America Great” goal
Will slide down the hole
From the response by laughter, not verbally.
America’s never been richer.
Well Off. You get the picture?
But from a relative pole
We’re in “Shit Creek” hole
With the effect of inflation’s constricture.
With Granny, I took a long stroll
This lady can sure rock ‘n roll!
She’s got this device
That helps her walk nice
And two tennis balls with a hole
correction of line 5 in above limerick: forgot the word “each”
With Granny, I took a long stroll
This lady can sure rock ‘n roll
She’s got this device
That helps her walk nice
And two tennis balls, each with a hole
Never heard about “Internet Troll”
Till he played a real devious “role”
Interrupted my “chat”
Ended up with a rat
(Yet it makes a nice pet, as a whole)
There’s something you put in a bowl
Called CHEERIOS! (Who was the soul?)
That invented this treat
Which all kids like to eat
Cause each one has a really cute hole!
Does the grind of each day take its toll?
Do you fear you might never be whole?
Slam the door on despair,
Grab your clubs and repair
To that eighteen-hole cure for your soul.
Revised and reissued.
When your candidate bares heart and soul,
It might seem she’d be great for the role.
But when checking her res’
Your experience says
That the parts don’t add up to the whole.
Does the grind of each day take its toll?
Are you living in fear for your soul?
There’s a cure that restores;
Buy a pair of plus-fours;
Now try getting that ball to the hole.
Guess this Movie from 1959
Now part of the title is “Hole”
Of a movie about a good soul
Whose “HOPES” were real “HIGH”
(Like a pie in the sky)
But it seemed he could not reach his goal
Revision of above limerick: Guess this movie!
Now part of the title is “Hole”
Of a movie about a good soul
Whose “HOPES” were real “HIGH”
Just like “HIGH APPLE PIE”
But it seemed he could not reach his goal
When one’s actively seeking the soul,
Is attainment of Oneness the goal?
Would this fully illumine
The riddle of “human”,
Or is it but partly the whole?
Today, it’s my “savory” goal
To have lunch on a nice kaiser roll
And then, if I please
I shall add tasty cheese:
(The kind with a hole hole and hole)
From east to the west and pole to the pole
The nations despised his populist role
There was great derision and slagging
Of Donald’s arrogant bragging
Let’s hope his showboat will soon hit a shoal
Join The Club
Does the grind of each day take its toll?
Are you living in fear for your soul?
Take the cure that restores;
Buy a pair of plus-fours,
And try hitting this ball to that hole.
Though we take fish from the sea
Environment conscious we be.
We took the whole shoal?
There’s no need to control…
There’s none left? It’s not up to we!
If you’d call the First Dog a Trump-pet
Would you call the First Lady a strumpet?
No dog to stroll?
He hates pets on the whole…
But we know he sure likes his crumpet.
Don’t let it ever be said
That I don’t have a big head.
My big brain fits whole,
I ain’t a prole…
But pre-MENSA member instead.
Went bowling with Janie and Mike
It’s a sport that I really do like
Thumb got stuck in the hole
So I went on a roll
Then my head hit a perfect ten strike
The Aftermath
Well, Kavanaugh spoke very clear
About his distinguished career
But the one tiny hole
When he lost some control
Was the mention of something called “beer”
Can you sell me some motorized shoes?
I need something stronger to use —
Forty kids in my classes
Are too many asses
To kick with my old Jimmy Choos.
I really just had a good laugh
At one of the dignified (?) staff:
Lindsey Graham lost control
When he opened his hole
He should switch to a real nice decaf.
Finding women of size to cajole,
Was a certain young Romeo’s goal;
He was totally sold
On exploring each fold,
In his quest for the ultimate hole.
When dividing the whole is the goal
Of a chemist, he counts by the mole.
But if you’re baking doughnuts
This fact makes you go nuts:
You can’t make a half of a hole.
I couldn’t believe my own eyes.
Madame’s needs were each quite a surprise:
Some handcuffs and chains,
Leather whips that cause pains.
Dominatrixes need strange supplies.
Cell phones: necessary school supply
Jane’s chin was way down to her chest
She seemed to be needing much rest!
But when I walked by
She was texting to “Di”
Getting answers to finish the test
This logic will always remain
And there’s really no need to explain:
Good supplies are a tool
But do not go to school
If you’ve happened to leave home your brain
School Supplies: (I wonder where I got THIS idea?)
“Now students, just perk up your ears!
This supply will help all your careers!
So if you are smart
You will go buy a chart
Mark down all facts for thirty six years”
Casserole Shock
Mama held the bean casserole
Organic and clean, as a whole
But she dropped the damn thing
When daughter had a fling
And said she used no birth control
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 307. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Cry.