Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: Feat or Feet or Defeat at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FEAT or FEET or DEFEAT at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to NERVE/NERVES, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best NERVE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on September 16, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 15, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A fellow was hoping to meet
The rich and the highly elite
At a debutante ball,
But had no chance at all;
Two left feet left him bound for defeat.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Ballroom Dance, Competition Limerick, Debutante Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Wealth, Writing Prompts
Two years on, I won’t lie, fudge or swerve:
In Bert Lahr’s classic lack of “the nerve,”
Those cowardly folk
Who thought “Voting’s a joke”
In ’16, got us what they deserve.
My advice — and I’ll pour it out neat:
If you hate the one holding the seat,
Don’t just gripe, bitch or frown;
Hit the polls! Vote them down!
You can’t win if you “vote with your feet.”
When Vlad says, “Donald, let’s meet.”
The tone of his voice may seem sweet,
But when Putin says, “Jump!”
To President Trump
He expects him to sit at his feet.
SHOE SALESMAN
I tried to be very discreet
When I noticed some beautiful feet
But the boss caught me licking
Then right away kicking
Me out, (but they tasted so SWEET!)
(BETTER “SHOE SALESMAN”)
I tried to be very discreet
Every time I saw beautiful feet
But the boss caught me licking
And he then started kicking
Me out, (but they tasted so SWEET!)
I met my fiance, “Sweet” Pete
In Greenland, at “Frosty Retreat”
We decided to wed
(But then heard he was dead)
From a sickness called, “Really Cold Feet”
(Double)
“Some nerve!” whined the Donald. “This guy
Was no hero. You wanna know why?
Got captured by Viet,
Now his final defeat –
I just can’t stand losers who die.”
The “Donald” just ain’t really sweet
He’s full of self-love and conceit
But ONE DAY he was meek
And the crowd could not speak
Since he rose to this magical feat
DOCTOR FERCOCKDER EXPLAINS “SHINGLES”
The “doc” said, that “Trump just feels dead!”
“Has shingles, (he’s staying in bed)”
“They follow a nerve”
“And so, thus, you’ll observe”
“This ailment is all in his head”
The polar bear groom wouldn’t meet
His bride; caused the wedding’s defeat.
She must go with the floe
Since the groom didn’t show.
There’s no wedding; the bear has cold feet.
In the forest, the driver did swerve,
Hit and killed sev’ral deer, struck a nerve.
From the roadkill, he made
Jars of deer marmalade,
But it spoiled and he had game preserve.
(My Town)
Now who said the Cubs “can’t defeat”
“Any team, cause they just “can’t compete!”
But in twenty sixteen
They got feisty and “mean”
As the song goes, well “Ain’t That just Sweet!”
I’ve become just a bundle of nerves,
Since our Country’s now governed by perves.
How much more do they need?
There’s no end to their greed.
Not the future the US deserves.
The U.S. Head Honcho looks sweet
From blonde sweeps to his pudgy retreat;
His feat is quite neat
That when he sends a tweet,
He puts in his mouth both his feet.
They say that small hands, tiny feet
Mean small prick-leads to guys’ HUGE conceit,
So some will compensate,
Their opponents castrate,
They do all they can to browbeat.
(nerve) “Melisse” Santa Monica , CA (chic French cuisine)
Well, “CHUTZPAH” is something I heard
It kind of describes the “absurd”
If you go to “Melisse”
And order a piece
Of pizza, you sure fit that word
The size of a guy’s hands, cock and feet
Don’t matter- they take a back seat.
What counts is technique,
And that certain mystique.
And after, will he be discreet.
In Europe, they’d be out in the street,
To protest the crimes and deceit
The government perpetrates,
The cruel havoc it creates.
Must resist with our VOTES and our feet.
There’s something we all can’t defeat:
Getting older (Don’t feel OBSOLETE!)
If you’re able to stand
Give yourself a big hand
Join the club of the “Aging Elite”
Pumpkins may be attractive to some,
But that “BOO-tiful Sale!” sign is dumb;
It’s not “nerve” — not a bit —
To say “Halloween shit
Before Labor Day just makes me glum.”
CORRECTION (LINE 2)
There is something we all can’t defeat:
Getting Older! (It just ain’t real sweet)
If you’re able to stand
Give yourself a big hand
Join the club of the “Aging Elite”
POT LUCK
The Donald is white, rich, elite,
Thus he never will suffer defeat!
Forget all the polls:
The man drives a Rolls
And gold-plates his toilet seat!
Fiddle Shticks
John McCain was never a hero,
’cause a prisoner is a zero!
Whereas I am elite,
he was captured! Defeat?
I avoided it, fiddling like Nero!
John was the first one to swerve
Just couldn’t hold on to his nerve.
At his first game of chicken
He got a good lickin’
But his crash he didn’t deserve.
Grandma conceded defeat
As she could find nothing to treat,
In each big toe dwelling,
The painful swelling
Of the bunions on both of her feet.
There’s a story ’bout Great Grandpa Pete
Who performed a miraculous feat
Seems Grandma was sick
(Perhaps, ’twas a trick?)
He made himself something to eat
OUR TEACHER, MR. JONES
Mr. Jones never thinks on his feet
His thoughts seem to be incomplete
Tell the smart kids, “Go first”
Calls the dumb ones “The worst”
Says he “sep’rates the chaff from the wheat”
The NERVE of him!!
When married Mom bought us a house
(A present for me and my spouse)
Then my brother, “The Slime”
Asked ‘Ole Ma for a dime
And I called him a leech and a louse
Hey Husbands!! You will not defeat
Dear wifey who’s just OH SO SWEET!
When she says, “Please wear red”
And you’ve donned blue instead
Take it off, Sir. You need to retreat.
There once was a man who would tweet
Just as fast as his mind could excrete.
In most every case
He had egg on his face;
In his mouth, both proverbial feet.
There once was a poor athlete
who ended up losing his feet.
He was left to placing
in three legged racing
which his one-legged wife helped complete.
Ev’ry limerick isn’t complete
‘Til its rhythm conforms to a beat
So that every line
Has a cadence that’s fine.
All the writers must think on their feet.
My poetry takes lots of heat.
The accent on lines doesn’t meet.
Since the cadence is off,
All the readers do scoff
At the agony of de feet.
My poems have real lousy beat.
I’m not ready, just now, to retreat.
I will not give up yet;
My persistence is set.
I won’t yield or admit to de-feet.
My thoughts to pen poems include
The accents of verse, but I brood.
I’m afraid that the beat
Will use bad metric feet,
Which shows my de-feet-ist attitude.
Got a doggie, I call “Mr. Pete”
He hates me; I can’t take the heat
When he sees me each day
He just runs far away
(All he likes are my real smelly feet)
Getting older is SURELY not sweet
It makes me feel so obsolete
My neck: It just sags
My eyes look like bags
And my boobs are now down to my feet.
I incinerate corpses for hire.
I just toss them right into the pyre.
Though some can’t take the heat,
There’s no place for cold feet.
I just hold those stiffs’ feet to the fire!
If there’s one thing that makes Steve feel queasy,
It’s the fear that he’ll do something cheesy
When he’s out on a date–
Which in turn will negate
The odds that the girl will be easy.
Mad:Would you mind changing: Getting older is not really sweet
to Getting older is SURELY not sweet. line one three up after
Jean McEwen’s two limericks?
Thank you so much, Lisi
***********
Done.
Now we’ve got them completely confused.
What’s real and what is fake news?
It’s worked a real treat,
Goodbye to defeat,
Just don’t tell the press they’ve been used.
Now let’s be a little discrete,
There’s no way I’ll suffer defeat.
They’re all following me,
Just wait and see…
And my fan base won’t vote with their feet.
Don’t tell me you’re getting cold feet?
You’ve obligations to meet.
Melania My Dear,
We’ve another EIGHT YEAR!
Buck-up your demeanour tout-suite.
Some say my success is a feat
It’s really quite simple, “I tweet”.
I give them a blow,
I hit nasty and low,
You’ve got to have guts, not cold feet.
Our obfuscatory ploy
Is working. The real McCoy.
It’s working a treat,
There’ll be no defeat.
The elections will bring us great joy.
Well I never! What cheek and what nerve,
(Though some may say chutzpah and verve).
But they’ll get their come-up
When things go amok…
Then they’ll get what they really deserve.
Oft I know not where to put
My poetic iambic foot…
These metered feet,
Sometimes replete,
Can make my rhythm’s all kaput.
The Cannibal being discreet,
Ate his friend from his head to his feet,
Next day,belly achkin’
Feeling guilty and shakin’
He passed his old friend on the street.
Here’s a plan that I think is real neat
If it works, you will sure be elite
To win an election
Thus, not feel rejection
Tell “Doc” Pod to remove both your feet
I resigned, and then gave my boss, “Merve”
A present he sure did deserve
He asked, “Just for me?”
And I said, “Look and see!”
“For you, it’s my very last nerve”
In the 60’s we used the “back seat”
To get a great sexual “treat”
But in that Corvair
It just didn’t seem fair
There was no place to put our damn feet.
(nerve theme)
This guy had the ultimate gall
To tell me we’d meet at the mall
I waited one year
He just did not appear
(But I bought some cool clothes for the Fall)
He thought he was light on his feet;
With moves that nobody could beat.
His weird, little dance
Was a preen and a prance;
The band leader: “Please take a seat.”
I thought my new girl was so sweet
with her cute face and hair done all neat
but last night, full of booze
she took off her shoes
and my god, you should smell her feet!
A Reply To Kirk Miller’s Conundrum:
“Yes Kirk, it is hard to compete
With smart guys who think on their feet
The meter’s just right
And they’ve all “seen the light”
Don’t give up, please just follow the beat:
De Deedle De Deedle De FEET
De Deedle De Deedle De SWEET
De Deedle WHATEVER
De Deedle SO CLEVER
Good luck, I must now baste my MEAT.
OOPS, Mad: I rhymed beat with beat!
Could you please change line one of above limerick called
“A Reply to Kirk Miller’s Conundrum” to:
“Yes Kirk, it is hard to compete
and line 2 to: With “smart “guys” who think on their feet
Thank you so much
Lisi
*****
Done
With McCain now under six feet
POTUS Trump can resume normal tweet,
Extolling his views
Of himself and Fake News
And whatever upsets him this week.
Peeking through keyholes at night
At young girls in the dim candle light.
Shouted: “YOU’VE GOT A NERVE
YOU DIRTY OLD PERV.”
Gave him one hell of a fright.
He’s a bit like a five and dime store,
Cheap and the quality’s poor.
He’s too hit a nerve
With his style of self-serve
And high turnover out through the door.
(Now WHO said women are vain?)
I get weighed at the doctor’s (ain’t sweet)
Just have gained so much weight (love to eat)
First I take off my shoes
(Kinda’ helps with the blues)
Next visit, I’ll take off my feet
When one’s single, it’s sure hard to beat
The loneliness, (isn’t real sweet)
So I got me a squirrel
And then gave it a whirl
My new buddy just kisses my feet
My neurologist, “weird Dr. Irv”
Will do what he thinks you deserve
This guy hates to wait
If you’re five minutes late
He will give you a punch in a nerve.
(nerve theme)
I love my new cab driver Lenny
It’s great cause he picks me up, then ‘e
Says, “Don’t worry ’bout price”
“It’s free, cause you’re nice”
I graciously tip him a penny.
The Summer’s a great time to meet
Those ladies who wait on their feet
So now is your chance
To find true romance
YEAH,RIGHT! Sir (Get out of the HEAT)
They said he had plenty of nerve;
It showed as he rounded the curve
At a very high rate.
Then he realized too late
When flying, it’s so hard to swerve.
Arnold Mount was so keen to compete,
Quite convinced that he couldn’t be beat.
He set off, very fast,
But, alas, he came last;
At which point he admitted defeat.
While his master pursued his amours,
Ali gossipped, neglecting his chores.
Had he been more discreet,
He might still have his feet;
Makes you glad you weren’t born among Moors.
I think that I’ve hit quite a nerve
I’m getting the reaction I lurve.
The people are angsty
With many against me
But this is the way that I serve.
(True story: I had hip replacement surgery on August 9, with an unexpected [but, no worries, temporary] complication… resulting in the following double duty limerick)
While the doc made my hip new and sweet,
The retractor that held back the meat
Pinched a nerve in my thigh,
And they say that is why
I have numbness in one of my feet.
(nerve theme)
Jane had a big steak at “Le Cirque”
(We love to play hooky from work)
That day I was broke
So I just had a Coke
She gave me the check. What a jerk.
The winter is here (snow and sleet)
New boots for my centipede, “Sweet”
She said, “Just Designer”
“Or even much finer”
(Damn things broke her one hundred feet)
Now here’s one MIRACULOUS feat!
My husband got up from his seat!
Said, “I’ll help you, my “pet”
“So just don’t get upset”
Then he turned the right dial for “pre-heat”
Those fight and then who are fleet
We say that they’ve clay-like feet.
Those stay the length
Show feat of strength
But they risk it all in defeat.
She’s one of those people, you know,
Where everything is just for show?
She models hands and her feet,
Her head and her teat,
But there’s a line that she won’t go below.
I lost both of my legs at the knees
With a chainsaw while chopping down trees.
A task I now meet
Is finding my feet
After buried by dog if you please.
Someone else has hit on a nerve.
A sexy young lady from Brighton
Her climax was hoping to heighten
No experience before this
In his search for clitoris
She sighed “It’s the button you’re right on”!
There’s one thing I just can’t defeat
And that’s my desire to eat
I WILL not be fine
Till I’m back to size nine
HEY! Anyone here got a treat?
Ms. Hilary could not defeat
The man who just really ain’t sweet
It’s too bad that she
Didn’t know that the key
To success was the magical tweet
Red Carpet Jitters
It may be that you saw on the news
That I bungled my chat with Tom Cruise.
When asked, ‘Hey! Who are you?’
I said, “…haven’t a clue.”
P’rhaps I’m not meant to do interviews.
Hey, jerks, you must think on your feet
When you know that you’re going to cheat:
Do not give her a clue
And make sure that you
Don’t come home with the motel receipt.
Adding one word to line four for better meter: “just”
Hey, jerks, you must think on your feet
When you know that you’re going to cheat:
Do not give her a clue
And just make sure that you
Don’t come home with the motel receipt.
Not by chance are they set far apart
And ordained to be so from the start.
Destined never to meet,
Nose was placed far from feet;
Consequence of design, not of art.
Slightly Improved
Was it chance that they’re set far apart?
Or ordained to be so from the start.
Destined never to meet,
Nose was placed far from feet;
Consequence of design, not of art.
Some may say that it’s really sweet…
Your offer to massage my feet…
But as I’m not gay
Ill have to say nay
And remember DON’T EVER repeat.
Pantry inventory: Two pears – of eat,
Maple syrup – mmm really sweet,
Carrots and spuds
Some condiment tubs
And a cereal made out of wheat.
Though nails through my hands and my feet,
You people I’d like to entreat,
To love your foe
As a friend that you know
And in love and in harmony greet.
Her beard is rough on my cheek
When wrestling I suffer defeat
On ‘selfies’ I’m pouting
I cry when she’s shouting
No wonder she thinks I’m effete
Here at “Old Age” we have “Meet and Greet”
We serve coffee and sometimes a treat
But we all cannot hear
Even see who is there
Thus, get kicked by the new tenant’s feet.
Now here’s a true factoid ’bout feet
Without them you can’t cross the street
But when we get old
We’re just not that bold
(We soak them in Epsom and heat.)
(nerve theme)
My date had the out ‘n out gall
To inform me my “boobs are too small.”
To which I replied,
“Oh REALLY? Dear Clyde!
“Where’s your shlong that I can’t find at all?”
Despicable Donald had nerve.
Along with refusing to serve,
This sniveling coward
Kept bragging to Howard;
Extolling his life as a perv.
My endeavor to rhyme words with feet
Is making me feel incomplete
It’s just not going well
And here’s how I can tell:
For 10 days, I’ve been stuck in this seat.
My life is now truly sublime
And I must say it’s sure about time!
My villa in France
Puts my guests in a trance
(SAY BRO! Can you please spare la dime?)
true story: happened to my mom in 1966. Had a dress shop in New Jersey
Now THIS took nerve!
She got me my wedding dress free
But on the condition that we
Buy the rest of the clothes
At her “shoppe” called “La Rose”
Then to Mexico, we all did flee
If Ginger and Fred didn’t meet
And if in ‘Rio’, the band missed a beat
If their great swing and sway
Had not won the day
Those stars wouldn’t twinkle, or feet!
I wasn’t happy with the first one.
Evolution just quick to react,
Or is Chance guilty after the fact?
Or did Nose once meet feet,
Causing Nose to retreat?
Or did Planning get in on the act?
For “Little League” Parents Everywhere
Who’s the jerk that invented the “cleat”?
This guy I would sure like to meet!
‘Tween those real bulky socks
And the shoes just like rocks
(Takes an hour to squeeze in the feet)
I get carried away.
Evolution just quick to react,
Or is Chance guilty after the fact?
Or did Nose once meet feet,
Causing Nose to retreat?
Or did Planning get in on the act?
Had Picasso stepped in at that start,
His particular view to impart,
We might think very neat,
Siting nose between feet;
Having sacrificed function to art.
The nerve of my date supersedes
All the others, I call the “cheap breeds”
I opened the door
And he said, “Dear Lenore”
“Here’s a garland of freshly picked seeds”
OOPS! Rhyming Error! (try again)
The nerve of my date supersedes
All the others, I call those “cheap breeds”
I opened the door
And he said, “Dear Lenore,
“Here’s a garland of freshly-picked weeds”
WELL! John had the ultimate gall
To tell me I “stink” (That’s not all)
He said, “Can’t take the smell”
And I know just damn well
That this guy hasn’t bathed since last Fall.
Bob Woodward is making it clear:
This nation has plenty to “Fear”.
Trump’s fitness to serve
An affront to our nerve
While the G.O.P. smooches his rear.
It was an incredible feat;
He went to an all-you-can-eat.
Having plate after plate,
Then inglorious fate:
Fork-lifted right out of his seat.
nerve theme: Girl’s Night Out
Our waiter last night, (name tag:”Rip”)
Was a sweetie and smart as a whip
But the part in his hair
Wasn’t combed with much care
So we just couldn’t give him a tip.
The “Tin Man” was stopped in the street
By a cop who was walking his beat
“Pull over, you’re speeding!”
The driver was pleading!
“Can’t you see that I have TWO LEAD FEET?”
Only we who have this know it’s true
Because of the terrible heat
I got painful bad burns on my feet
But “Medicare” said,
“If by then you’re not dead,
“Just wait sixty two days, then we’ll treat”
Commuter plane – very next seat;
This hottie he’s trying to meet.
She promptly rejects;
It’s his ring, he suspects.
Comeuppance at 10,000 feet…
Some say it would make zero sense;
Impeachment should never commence.
To try and defeat
The commander-in-tweet,
We’d end up with lick-spittle Pence.
But others say he would be better;
He’d follow the law to the letter.
That might be the case,
But here’s what we’d face:
The swamp is still there – only wetter.
You can’t play tennis without raising a racket
I’ve got a rule book and I’m going to back it
You can wine you can tweet
But you’ll go down in defeat
And you’ll end up in a much lower bracket
I want a campaign folks will notice
Cyber-bullies should beware of our FLOTUS
For the plan to succeed
Her very first need
Is to hide the phone of the POTUS
I’ve got shakes and my thinking is slow.
My hair’s graying; my nervous tics show.
Oh, for drug-induced bliss!
But there’s no pill for this.
And there’s fifty-six days still to go.
Tracy gives housework the swerve
Emin’s unmade bed is her oeuvre
Stretching artistic license
With critic’s compliance
And calling it art, what a nerve!
Hey Mad, I sent you a tweet
I’m finding it hard to compete
Up the creek without paddle
Is this scraping the barrel?
Divide yards by three to get feet
(Mama Nerve knows best)
“Oh Jane! Don’t you know how to dress!
Just look at your hair! It’s a mess!
Your make up is gross
So Good bye, Adios
Go have fun with your date. (and no stress”)
A soothing “good night story”
Cinderella’s two sisters ain’t sweet
They practice mean tricks and deceit
But one day they both stumbled
And unwittingly grumbled:
“These shoes are just ‘KILLIN MY FEET!”
I opened a nice place to eat
I insist that my patrons look neat
There’s a sign on the door
One just cannot ignore:
“GO ELSEWHERE IF FLIP FLOPS ON FEET”
The Temptations were Motown’s elite;
Defining America’s beat.
Great hits were the rule;
Plus, the essence of cool
Right down to the souls of their feet.
Mad – could you please add the following as a continuation of my
“impeachment” post above (I also forgot the period after “Pence”). Thanks!
But others say he would be better;
He’d follow the law to the letter.
That might be the case,
But here’s what we’d face:
The swamp is still there – only wetter.
*****
Done.
At my last “You’re Too Fat Watcher’s” meet
I saw my optometrist Pete
Said, “We must have a word”
“Seems my vision is blurred”
“When I look down, I can’t see my feet”
The NERVE!! Of Them!!
I had such a god-awful night
At a restaurant called “La Delight”
The napkins were pink
Which did NOT match my mink!
And the spoons weren’t placed on the right!
“ETERNITY”
Eternity! (sounds just so neat!)
A “time without end” on your feet
But when you get wed
At times you feel dead
And mortality feels ‘kinda sweet
IMPROVEMENT OF ABOVE LIMERICK
Line Four
Eternity! (sounds just so neat!)
A “time without end” on your feet
But when you get wed
There are times you feel dead
And mortality feels ‘kinda sweet
When he asked me up for a Jive
I didn’t know if I’d survive.
His steps were off-beat
And he stepped on my feet,
But not bad for ninety and ninety-five.
He’s incredibly light on his feet,
But the danseur was very effete,
And there’s not a chance
With a partner he’d dance,
Though his triples were really a treat.
Some say I had a nerve
To go backstage and perve.
What tittle-tattle,
It’s like viewing cattle,
To see which ones I would serve.
My girlfriend’s name is Heather;
She’s as changeable as the weather,
But she’s kind of sweet
In her bare feet
And we’re going “Hell for Leather”.
A Nerve?
This girl, we’ll call her Jody,
Was a Rolling Stones roadie.
Assistant to Mick,
To sit on his dick,
With others she was really quite toady.
“I’ll gladly admit defeat”,
Said Donald, shuffling his feet,
“If you can prove
There is no ‘Fake News’
And can do it right now, tout-suite!”
Ve first vipe ze hands unt ze feet
From ze dirt ve picked up in ze street,
Zen ve say a prayer
For everyone here
Before ve zen sit down to eat.
The opera’s really a treat
But I couldn’t get out of my seat!
I tried hard to stand
And it sure wasn’t planned
That I’d get Sole Mio Di Feet
My Summary of the Plot of “Happy Feet”
(2006 Musical Comedy)
Dear “Mumble” had problems with beat
Poor penguin just felt incomplete
(Could not sing on key)
Tried real hard but then he
Went to “Plan B” and tried happy feet
Podiatry School Mandatory Reading, “The Foot Book”
Dr. Seuss wrote a story ’bout feet
And Boy! I must say it’s a treat!
I learned left from right
(Even tootsies at night)
So my knowledge is now just complete
This monster will just not retreat
He’ll gobble you up like you’re meat!
So then take a gun
Go and shoot the huge one
Cause remember, he’s not called Big FEET
An Improvement? Of Line Five
Opera Limerick
The opera’s really a treat
But I couldn’t get out of my seat!
I tried hard to stand
And it sure wasn’t planned
That I’d get “Sole Mio ‘O Feet”
Though the other trainees were all fleet,
I outraced them — I knew how to cheat:
Through the barracks I crept
(Making sure that they slept)
And put leeches on all of their feet.
It really does get on my nerves
To see how male Government pervs
Think they’re fit to hold power
But can’t last an hour
When faced with some cleavage and curves.
Just listen we all have to MEET!
The Donald, we have to unSEAT!
Our lives are at stake
So it’s crucial to take
The world from out under his FEET
The current Limerick-Off ends tomorrow, Saturday, at 10 pm (Eastern time.) So please get your limerick stragglers in.
John thought he was in for a treat
When invited to an “All You Can Eat”.
But when he got there
The cupboard was bare,
Deplete… certainly no food surfeit.
Boxing’s a game of hard knocks;
In main undertaken by jocks.
You are sure of defeat
If you don’t stay on your feet
And you’re risking a head filled with rocks.
Well you know that I speak my mind
And some people say that I’m unkind
I’ve hit a raw nerve
With not straight ball, but curve
Do I care? Not at all you will find!
The candidate faced certain defeat
Unless she could think on her feet.
So a course of quick thinking
So could do without blinking…
A ploy that worked a real treat.
Only one of two girls in Crete
Had clothes that were really discrete
The sister called Cass
Wore them up to her ass
Brigitte’s came down to her feet
The advert said ‘all you can eat’
He ate starters, main courses and sweet
Those extra portions
Result in distortions
And a waist measuring six to eight feet
Sorry Tim, should have read previous ones before submitting
********
To John and Tim:
From Mad Kane:
Despite the use of the phrase “All You Can Eat” your respective limericks are quite different. So I wouldn’t worry about it. And in my opinion, it’s safer to write your limericks before reading other people’s limericks. Otherwise your creativity can be stifled and you can be unconsciously influenced.
My bunny, (my lovable “Sweet”)
Got hit by a car in the street!
The damage was bad
And it makes me so sad
Cause she now has such unhoppy feet.
My life has been so incomplete
Since my Daddy passed out from the heat!
He had a bad fall
And just can’t walk at all
He’s got something called, “Coma-toes-feet”
I tweeted to Trump, (being sweet)
And told him, “Dear Pres, do not cheat”
He sure saw the light
And he said, “Son, you’re right”
Then I woke from that ludicrous feat
To John, I agree with Mad Kane
Of submissions: reading… refrain.
Chance mouth might meet feet
And accidentally repeat…
Would my life be ever the same?
Alternate end 2
And I’d have to live with the shame.
Alternate end 3
And the limit of words I would blame.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 306. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Hole.