Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAY/LEI/LEY or DELAY at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LAY/LEI/LEY or DELAY at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to OPERA, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best OPERA-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on Sept 2, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 1, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Make me sales chief, and no more delay!
See my hair? The wait’s turning it gray.
I deserve that promotion;
I’ve shown my devotion.
Better brace for commotion, if “nay.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Promotion Verse, Workplace Limerick, Writing Prompts
With deference to Tosca, a touch of hidden harmony (recondita armonia).
Recondite Armory ~
There once was a dark, stormy knight
Who knew trivia which he would recite.
In densest of battle
Spewed operatic prattle.
His knowledge was so recondite.
All Romance is Aleatory ~
A famous bullfighter of yore
Took a chance on a local amor.
But Carmen, though charmin’,
Was always alarmin’
Her aleatoryadore.
A word of explanation: I wrote this in ’06 to help remember the definition of ‘aleatory’ for an insurance license exam. Most insurance is aleatory: each party agrees to take a chance on profit or loss. From Merriam-Webster: Aleatory – depending on an uncertain event or contingency as to both profit and loss.
(You can sing this to its own tune.)
This Ain’t Necessarily So ~
There’s a musical limerick we know,
Called “It Ain’t Necessarily So,”
Where DuBose, George and Ira
Make Sport of a liara
Who wanted sweet Bess for his ho.
Raging Bollocks ~
’Millo poked the bulls with a sword,
But with Carmen, his short sword had scored.
In his chaotic love
José killed his sweet dove
Then confessed to the exiting horde.
A recent operatic parody. It might not fit the contest, but what the heck–it’s fun!
His Taint Necessarily Shows ~
His taint necessarily shows,
His taint necessarily shows,
For those he’s selected
To please The Elected
His taint is so bright that it glows.
His hands are quite small, but oh my!
His hands are quite small, but oh my!
He grabbed Evil Hill’ry—
She lost at the pill’ry—
His tiny hands sure made her cry!
He thinks he’s a giant white whale,
He thinks he’s a giant white whale,
He moved to the White House,
“The Dump.” Now he’s chief louse
And tells everyone he can’t fail.
He’s usually found on a green,
He’s usually found on a green,
Nine holes cost a fortune,
But Fake News? Importune!
And that’s why he stays on his green.
They’re all Putin’ on their best airs,
They’re all Putin’ on their best airs,
Ten applicant’s waitin’
For this son of Satan
To grab them by their curly hairs.
To enter his clan
You tell him, “You’re the man!”
Then help lower the bar in the swamp.
Adjust to the meaning
Where his truth in leaning
And you’ll have a very short romp.
He’s well over two-hundred pound,
He’s well over two-hundred pound,
But he serves as proctor
For his spokesman-doctor
Who says that he’s fit, very sound.
They’ll lie for him all night and day,
They’ll lie for him all night and day,
The truth don’t abide there—
It’s never applied there—
They’ll say what he tells them to say.
He tweets every night in a dream,
He tweets every night in a dream,
Thumbs nightmares nar’cistic
While tweaking his joy stick,
His tweets all come from that bad dream.
We’re singin’ this song ’cause we know,
His taint nece—taint nece,
Taint nece—taint nece,
Taint necessarily shows!
Since the Knight was out jousting all day,
The young Minstrel would sneak in to play
With the Lady, though not
On the harp; they were hot
For the game they called “Have it away”.
But alas, to their utter dismay,
The Knight had come home at midday.
With his sword, at one stroke,
He unmanned the poor bloke,
So that was the Minstrel’s Last Lay.
At the opera, my wife is in clover,
And she’d dragged me to something called “Trova …”
When the fat lady sang,
To the exit I sprang,
Believing the damned thing was over!
Said the Donald, “I never use spray
On my hair, ’cause the hookers I lay
Stop me looking too old;
With their showers of gold,
I’m bright yellow instead of pale grey.”
I’m giving you strong opposition!
I won’t call upon your physician!
So just cough up that phlegm
Like that chick in “Boheme”
Who crooned with a real bad condition
Inexperienced On A Friday Night
He consoled himself: I’m a good lay
Though girls let me pay, then walk away.
De lay o’ de land
Is right here in my hand
On demand! I’ll get lucky someday.
He leered: Babe, I need a good lay
And I need it tonight, right away!
She sniffed, See that hand?
Use it now, on demand!
While you’re at it, step out of my way.
Just Can’t Wait
She welcomed him home with a lei;
They had sex on the carpet (dark grey)
And looked up: all was quiet,
Then laughter: Let’s try it!
The airport cops took them away.
SLIGHT CHANGE, BUT THE SAME IDEA
I’m giving you strong opposition!
I won’t call upon your physician!
So just cough up that phlegm
Like that chick in “Boheme”
Who crooned EVEN WITH HER condition!
She smiled wickedly: Father, may
I go up to the attic to play
With the toy I’ll find there?
Hubby grinned: That’s your bare
Teddy bear, who would love a quick lay!
Shy Boy in the Brothel
She smiled: Is it something I said?
Your pants fit so tight, you’ve turned red.
He: I’m willing to pay
For a slow, awesome lay
But a hand job could do me instead.
Performing with symphony strings
In discomfort an itch often brings,
He scratched with his bow
Thinking no one would know;
But zippers are weird-sounding things.
I had teased that we’d both get a lay;
Wore a lei at a picnic that day-
A theme party in the park,
While his fun was after dark.
I ended up hot mosquito prey.
I love opera, but one large caveat-
Hope I’m not an uncultured brat.
The soprano’s high screech!
Are my ear plugs in reach?
Sounds like the heat shriek of a cat.
“These opera la-la-la-la men!”
Snarled Trump, who’d been forced to watch “Carmen”.
“The idiot stabbed her!
He shoulda just grabbed her
Like I do. The girls all say “Amen!”
Madame Butterfly had a hard life
Which was filled with much sorrow and strife
This gal went berserk
Cause her “hub” was a jerk
And returned with another damn wife!
Now feeling so very ignored
(Her hopes and dreams never restored)
She said, “This is it!”
“I just can’t take this shit!”
But then really screwed up with that sword
If I give an order OBEY
Why can’t I just have my own way?
Witch Hunt takes too long
I’ve done nothing wrong
And some question why the delay?
Don Giovanni was borne down to Hell
For his sins, yet he takes it quite well.
“At first I was mad,
But it isn’t too bad –
I’m surrounded by women who fell.”
Wolfgang Mozart said, “All girls are cute”
With that statement there was no dispute!
But this guy screwed around
Got a bug real profound
Then was struck by a strange magic flute
To those who LOVE opera I say
Here’s how you can have it your way:
If it’s me that you send
The show will never end
As the fat lady I’ll sing? No way!
The opus in D.C.’s a ring ding;
Stars an orange-haired mad moron — a Ling Ling,
Hope it ain’t a long run,
But this opera ain’t done,
’Til the fat fool is singin’ in Sing Sing.
Please ignore previous entry. I was in a hurry and messed it up.
Don’t believe all that false propaganda
Her assets are fairness and candour
Don’t believe ‘easy lay’
She makes people pay
A fortune before they’re allowed to command her
One can “launder” the money, they say
In a totally devious way
But a man was indicted
On so many counts cited
And we know him as Tom Dale DeLay
In summertime livin’ is easy
And even for those who are sleazy
Like a killer named Crown
Who would sure make you frown
(Most people say he was real cheesy)
Mad: cold you please change above limerick, line one:
from “In summer” the livin’ is easy to
In summertime livin’ is easy
Thank You
*****
Done
Hay Mad, I just wanted to say
That I had to look up the word “ley.”
What a pain in the ass!
(It’s land used to grow grass.)
Please stop horsing around in this way.
To help celebrate Valentine’s Day,
Jay took Rae for a lay in the hay.
Rae said, “please, Jay, go slow”
But Jay quickly let go;
A creampie he couldn’t delay.
The tenor starts out with a speech.
The diva erupts with a screech.
When not screeching, they’re crooning.
When not stabbing, they’re swooning.
Get me out of here now, I beseech!
I really like tunes by Joe Green.
(Oh, Giuseppe Verdi I mean).
I had no Aida
He too wrote Alzira,
Stiffelo, Aroldo and Le Trouvère.
We both sang a sweet roundelay
As we watched o’er the sheep in the ley.
And that red sky night,
(A shepherd’s delight),
An amorous roll in the hay.
This opus in D.C.’s a wingding;
Stars an orange-haired mad moron — tweet fling king.
We don’t want a long run,
But this opera ain’t done,
’Til the fat fool is singin’ in Sing Sing.
When Griselda, too long left to ley,
Felt the need of a roll in the hay,
She’d dispense with demure
And take steps to secure
What was needed, the old-fashioned way.
When one’s stabbed in the back, WOW THAT STINGS!
The pain is so bad, your heart wrings
But in opera not so
When the blood starts to flow
The tenor gets down and just sings
The sign read, “There’s Been A Delay”
“For Fidelio, Come Back In May”
“The Composer Is Busy”
“He’s Really Quite Dizzy”
“Cause He Can’t Find His Brand New Toupee”
You claim you’re a “classical” fan!
Shut your mouth, or get kicked in the can!
You say, “Phantom’s” the best”
“Just outshines all the rest!”
IT’S A SHOW! NOT AN OPERA, MAN!
ELIMINATION OF THE WORD “BUT” line three: three limericks up
When one’s stabbed in the back, WOW THAT STINGS!
The pain is so bad, your heart wrings
(In opera not so)
When the blood starts to flow
The tenor gets down and just sings
BETTER METER!
One can “launder” the money, they say:
In a totally devious way
But a man was indicted
(With other counts cited)
We know him as Thomas DeLay
Without any further delay
John’s shoes needed fixing TODAY!
But he had an attack!
(Six months later came back)
Then was told, “They’ll be ready in May”
The Dems suffer arrows and slings
Whilst the Potus, he seems to have wings
As tongues start to loosen
Bob might prove there’s collusion
It’s not over till the fat lady sings
“I’m revoking your clearance today”,
Said the Donald, “No time to delay!
You’d like to betray
Me to Mueller, but hey!
Without documents, what can you say?”
“Wagner’s music is better than it sounds.” — Mark Twain
Sorry, Mark, but you’re way out of bounds;
Hearing Wagner’s like going ten rounds.
For days divas sing
‘Bout some stupid old Ring
While Mike Tyson my poor noggin pounds.
Donald Trump reviews “Le Nozze di Figaro”
“This Figaro guy makes me weep!
His boss simply wanted to sleep
With his girl. Where’s the prob?
But this Figaro slob
Put the nix on the job. What a creep!”
Our love life’s on “long- term delay”
Hubby’s skills are no longer okay
His doc said, “My son
“You’re finished and done”
He left me last Tuesday. Hooray!
***
I didn’t make the change because it didn’t make sense to me meter-wise or meaning-wise. If you still want the change, please explain it to me via email. Thanks
Mad: above limerick: line four
Could you please change: You’re finished and done” You ARE finished and done?
Thank You
Lisi
*****
I didn’t make the change because it didn’t make sense to me meter-wise or meaning-wise. If you still want the change, please explain it to me via email. Thanks
Mahalo Hawaii
Those Hawaiian girls sashay and sway
While adorning your neck with a lei.
What they do with their hips
Has you licking your lips –
It’s all part of their mating display.
Trump turns down an invitation to “Der Fliegende Holländer”
“Fake News!” cries the Donald. “They’re lying!
This opera scam? I’m not buying!
Do they think I’m a fool
Or a dumb kid from school
To believe that some Dutchman is flying?”
GLENN MILLER AND HIS ORCHESTRA
Attention! There’s been a delay!
The pilot has gone the wrong way!
Instead of Peru
We’re in Kalamazoo
You may get up to now swing and sway
Trump attends a performance of “Die Zauberflőte“
“Though her singing was more like a hoot,
The soprano was still kinda cute,
So after the show,
I grabbed – well, you know –
And I showed her my own magic flute.”
(Marquette, Michigan)
Attention, there’s been a delay
Your pilot has something to say:
“We have stopped in Marquette”
“Cause folks, I must get
My lottery ticket today”
In his coffin, he finally lay
There just are no words left to say
A warm loving soul
(And even quite droll!)
Good bye, my sweet cockroach, Jose
Trump makes sexist remarks about “La Traviata”
“This hooker they call ‘Traviata?’ ”
Sneered Donald. “Not even a starter!
And as for her thighs,
Have you checked out their size?
She must need an XXL garter!”
Trump imagines himself in “The Seraglio”
“That girl in the harem was ripe!
A sweet little blonde, just my type.
If I was the Pasha
I’d grab her and flash her,
And soon get her smoking my pipe”
That Carmen was one nasty chick
She slipped out of prison real quick
But wasn’t so wise
Cause she juggled two guys
Then got sent to the farm by a pick
Oh here your are, Sweet! Is it “Jay?”
I’ve got blindfolds and ropes,(an ARRAY!)
“Mam, you misunderstood
“See, that stuff’s not real good:
I’m just here for an old-fashioned lay
To diet, you gotta’ have “mettle”
So Baby, just step on that PEDAL!
No cookies or cake!
And for damn goodness sake
Do NOT go see “Hansel and Gretel !!
Mr. Sportin’ Life talked all that jive
You know what I mean: (Gimme Five!)
This guy was no wimp
He was also a pimp
Oh My Goodness! What wonderful drive!
There was a transgender named Carmen
And when she was young was a barman.
Although very Bizet
Not in chorus did stay
But became a “Butterfly” Madam.
The cat with the large bushy tail
Would strut on the balcony rail.
Fan-Tom of the Opera
Was quite a show stopperer…
Caused many a diva to wail.
The opera’s long, (you’ll agree)
So I have a great plan, (read and see)
When the overture’s done
I say, “Time to go “Hon”
“This tragedy’s too much for me”
An athlete called O.J. was fraught
This man seemed deranged and distraught
Although was set free
It is rumored that he
Saw “Pagliacci” and then had a thought
Without any further delay
There is something that I have to say!
Eighteen months of B.S.
On the “Donald Express”
Any GUESS what he tries to convey??
A Gentleman’s Response
When addressed from the top of a dray,
“Move yor arse, mate! Yor blockin’ my way.”
I put car into gear,
Made my feelings quite clear –
And then moved without further delay.
Trump’s illiteracy gives him problems with Henry Purcell’s opera
“Hey, this opera’s gross! Well, I mean,
When Dildo’s the name of the queen,
Don’t ask what she’s doing!
And also, she’s screwing
A loser called Anus – obscene!”
Always Room For Improvement
A Gentleman’s Response
When addressed from the top of a dray,
“Move yor arse, mate! Yor blockin’ my way.”
I put car into gear,
And, my feelings made clear,
Took my leave without further delay.
“BOHEME!” “It’s the BEST” (said sweet Jeannie)
“Now Daahling, I need a martini”
“The opera’s GRAND”
“And you MUST understand:
“My best-loved composer’s Linguine”
Tom, fan of the opera librett
Oh, he’s deaf can’t hear a sound yet.
The music he’ll feel
In vibrations real
And lip-reads solo, chorus or duet.
I’m the oldest of ten from P.A.
The “plot” is the same every day:
All shouting and screaming
And every one scheming
(The best opera East of L.A.)
We all loved “Aida” (so true)
And those ELEPHANTS!! WOW!! (liked them too!)
We were happy that we
Just for one price could be
At an opera and a nice zoo
ANOTHER TRY AT ABOVE LIMERICK
Without any further delay
There is something we ALL want to say!
For those golf clubs and shoes
Which you constantly use:
Stop making us poor people PAY
Giovanni ‘e feel in good voice,
‘E sing Tosca, his opera of choice.
‘E is in a bad mood?
‘E will sing something crude;
‘E is ‘appy? ‘E sing to rejoice.
To be fair, I wrote this about Sweeney Todd, but what are the chances of Mad introducing him?
A commode in a barber’s an “off put”
And Figaro’s just had a new chair, but,
Imagine customer’s terror
When they’re seated in error
And asked “Is it a shit or a haircut”!
NO MORE OPERAS!! PLEASE! I’M DEPRESSED!
(Tell the wife that you need a “good rest”)
Then she says, “Darling Brad
This one isn’t sad
And please just go give it a TEST”
So Falstaff gets thrown in the river
His fat belly just starts to quiver
You get a guffaw
At his many a flaw
And then tell your wife you forgive ‘er
(Shhh, don’t tell Shakespeare)
Desdemona was certainly framed
By a man who was surely untamed
He made every one sick
With his handkerchief trick
And this sneak wasn’t even ashamed!
So Otello just couldn’t prevail
And he died at the end of this tale
(Thought his wife wasn’t true)
Yet he wasn’t that blue
Cause Woolworth’s had daggers on sale
Mozart’s “Marriage Of Figaro” play
Out shined every piece of its day
But the lust for his mother
Surpassed any other
Even geniuses have feet of clay
In order to get a good lay
A woman must have it her way
“Lots of foreplay, my “Sweet”
Oh you gave me a treat!
You did great. That’s enough. Go away.”
Hope the US know about the UK’s favourite throat lozenger
Opera’s corny, let’s not pretend
The fat lady always dies in the end
But that coughing and choking’s
Not all down to smoking
She’d just sucked on a Pearl Fisher’s Friend
He was playing Nanki Poo in Mikado
When failing to show much bravado
As a slap on the wrist
They gave his gonads a twist
And now he’s singing soprano
The opera? (quite a big stitch)
Because of this one little glitch:
The villain was slayed
With a very sharp blade
However, this corpse had a twitch
I’ve decided I will not pretend!
To like music I can’t comprehend!
But one thing I do know
At the opera show
That damn aria just never ENDS!
ANOTHER TRY
The opera? (quite a big stitch)
Because of this one little glitch:
The villain was slain
So he faked real bad pain
But this corpse seemed to have a bad itch
There once was a young lad named Scotty
Who wanted to match Pavarotti
But his voice was falsetto
When he sang the libretto
(Was one of those creepy castrati)
OOPS! DIDN’T RHYME:TRY AGAIN
I’ve decided I will not pretend
To like music I can’t comprehend
But one thing I do know
At the opera show
The aria just has no end
There’s an opera some call “Der Ring”
And it’s surely a beautiful thing
You must see it all
So just go in the Fall
When you leave, it will then be the Spring
Oh Mary, just what’s the delay?
And why do they turn me away?
“My Dear, there’s a snag
“To live here at “Old Bag”
“You at least must have ONE hair that’s gray”
The minstrel was happy to play
Whilst Miss Muffet sat sipping her whey;
But the moment she stopped,
Lute and raiment were dropped,
And the minstrel made good the delay.
The minstrel paced, plucking a lay,
Whilst Miss Muffet sat sipping her whey;
But the moment she stopped,
Lute and raiment were dropped,
And the minstrel made good the delay.
As an ardent opera buff
I always like to polish my stuff.
I know all the majors,
Conductors, divas, arrangers,
But of all the men, I just don’t know enough.
I fell, but with luck my belay
Stopped my fall, now I’m starting to sway.
From this rocky outcrop
There’s a thousand foot drop…
GET ME OUTA-HERE WITHOUT DELAY.
It’s been a really great day.
Better than most I can say.
I’ve had a great meal
And thankful I feel
At my execution’s permanent delay.
The opera’s very profound
All those suffering “divas” abound
Something like a divorce
(When there’s not much remorse)
And the shrieking just goes round and round
The “Donald” was here for a lay
I was thrilled, cause it just made my day!
When he pulled down his pants
I asked, “Pres” any chance
“That you lost it in Chesapeake Bay?”
Miss “Lulu” was cute (I agree)
But what a SEDUCTRESS was she!
It took forty years
All at once reappears
(The composer was stung by a bee)
Is Mueller giving justice a boost
With more witnesses being produced
Turncoats having their saying
Golden goose is not laying
Have his chickens come home to their roost?
Without any further delay
Get dressed and we’ll be on our way!
To a show ’bout the “Pres”
And everyone says:
It’s a “bio” called “Great Power Play”
For our “Night At The Opera” fling
I’ve decided we’ll go in the Spring
It’s not at the Met
On your “LIFE” you can “BET”
That Groucho Marx really can’t sing
ONE MINOR CHANGE
For our “Night At The Opera” fling
I’ve decided we’ll go in the Spring
I’ts not at the Met
On “YOUR” “LIFE” “YOU” can “BET”
That Grouch Marx really can’t sing!
A drone operator at play
Is flying above where they lay.
Just hovering now,
He’s discovering how
His girlfriend is spending her day.
There once was a woman (they say)
who Trump tried on like a toupee.
Alas, poor Steph
thought game show hosts had depth,
but he just declared, “What a lay!”
The king of tabloids kept away
the tale of Trump’s dastardly lay,
but with a fact checker
who’s last name is pecker,
it’s no surprise it happened this way.
Life is short, so enjoy every day!
Have a BALL! And just do not delay
Then think of that singer
(a total humdinger)
“O’l Blue Eyes” who did it HIS WAY
— Trump’s Inner Thoughts —
Hey you people, what’s the delay?
I say crown me king. Now! Today!
It’s what you deserve.
It’s me that you serve,
And you know I ain’t going away!
My darling said, “What’s the delay?
You know we haven’t all day?”
You know I want to shag ya
But this bloody Viagra
Seems to be saying, “No Way!”
Eight P.M., and he meets a grim fate:
Watching opera, coerced by his date.
He just sits there and glowers.
Good God, it’s been hours!
(Though his watch only says 8:08.)
To the opera she wanted to go;
His instant reaction: Oh no!
(Same time as the game;
He needs something to blame)
“My fart medication’s too slow!”
Machination, betrayal and plot,
Double-dealing and dames who are hot —
I don’t mean to confuse:
That’s not op’ra; it’s news
(Though it *is* hard to tell which is what).
I feel awful! I’m nauseous! Oy vey!
“Cheetos” gave me such heartburn today!
(I refer to King Tweet,
Not a snack people eat
From a bag that is stamped “Frito-Lay.”)
Verdi’s operas have a sweet sound
(plots from Shakespeare, they’re all so profound)
But as royalties go
He just would not bestow
That playwright one damn single pound
NOT A DUPLICATE:correction of line three
When one’s stabbed in the back, WOW! THAT STINGS!!
The pain is so bad, your heart wrings!
(But in opera: NO!)
When the blood starts to flow
The tenor just gets down and sings!
Her suspicions he tried to allay
When she thought he was cheating: “No way!”
But her cold, angry stare
Found the lipstick “down there”
And that blew his whole con game away.
RICHARD RODGERS ?
I’m restless as bugs in a ley
And jumpy as frogs in a bay
It feels like the spring
I can hear birdies sing
But I know that it just isn’t May
Last week, I was here for a lay
And, BOY! What a waste of my day!
You really were slack
So I want five cents back
For that style, I will not overpay!
Oh Hi! Are you here for a lay?
WHAT? You want me to SCREAM and to BRAY?
Then JUMP on my HEAD?
And make just like I’m DEAD?
(Sounds sensible, Sir, well. OKAY!)
My mom’s “The Soprano Zsa Zsa”
From a distance we all hear “la” “la”
But last week she was sick
And then killed Doctor Frick
(Knocked him dead, when he asked, “Now say Ahh”
Did Romeo Montague get
A bang with Miss J. Capulet?
“I really must say
“That he had it his way”
“Especially there at the Met”
Could I see you at first light of day?
For my love for you begs me to say
That my bed is first-class–
It is big, made of brass–
And I want you to Lay Lady, Lay.
At first, there’s a gossip: MARQUIS
Then V’s just as sad as can BE
(Violetta) gets frail
Does Alfredo prevail?
“Traviata’s” a mys’try to ME
If you MUST see a Wagner great hit
You will have to put up with this shit:
Your hearing will go
Right there after the show
Call your E.N.T. lickety-split!
In the 50’s to get a good lay
You would hop in that blue Chevrolet
Right in the back seat
All those windows would heat
As for not getting caught, you’d just pray
If this isn’t for you a good day,
And a screw you do want to delay,
Though you’re not in the mood,
Tell your spouse not to brood.
“Get ahold of yourself!” you might say.
There’s an opera singer named Mitch
Who moreover plays baseball, at which
He’s a hurler first rate.
And what makes him so great?
Like in singing, he has perfect pitch.
Double duty limerick:
Sneaking in from a casual lay,
I stumbled — tripped — fell all the way!
My wife shrieked, “What was that?”
I sang back, “‘Twas the cat!”* —
Knowing “Pinafore” saved me that day!
* A line from the Gilbert and Sullivan operetta “HMS Pinafore”
The op’ra then dinner” you say?
My Darling, that’s just not okay!
I’ll be feeling distress
And throw up on my dress
So let’s do it the opposite way.
When my wife wants a really good lay
I know I can please her that day
She just gives me time
(See, I’m not in my prime)
So I have what’s called “Ding-Dong Delay”
U.S. Congress is one that caters
To big business. They act like traitors.
Seems they always delay
Doing work. People say
That they ought to be called legis-laters.
RHYMING ERROR! TRY AGAIN! (line one)
When my wife’s in that mood, well OK!
I know I can please her that day
She just gives me time
(See, I’m not in my prime)
So I have what’s called “Ding-Dong Delay”
The new skating rink blueprints are nice,
But they carry a very high price.
Funding’s frozen and they
Say expect a delay,
So the architect puts it on ice.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 305. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off FEET.