Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: YOKE or YOLK at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using YOKE or YOLK at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SPAM, using any rhyme word. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SPAM-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on August 5, 2018, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, August 4, 2018 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Our nation is under the yoke
Of a demon named Donald — no joke!
As his party-mates cower,
His chokehold on power
Increases, his base still “unwoke.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Donald Trump, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Political Humor, Political Satire, Writing Prompts
He loves eggs and grits fried with spam:
Cholesterol? Don’t give a da*n.
The man’s yoked to the yolk
And unlike av’rage folk,
He declares, Eggs make me what I am
Which includes being great in the sack!
Yep, my woman, she keeps coming back.
In our bed, four to five,
She knows “Pete” comes alive:
We re-pete, then we eat (…I lose track).
Just like the next gal, I loathe spam:
Tries to follow wherever I am.
But TEXT OFF J’bug phone
Makes it leave me alone!
Let’s jam Big Bro’s two-four-seven cam
(We need watchers? Oh, baby, a sham).
They found him, cam spammers: oh no,
Furtive photos of him with a ho.
Blackmail’s lucrative, yes?
They confessed later. Guess
Just how much they raked in! LOTSA dough,
‘Cause most of us have something to hide,
Some vice, habit most wouldn’t abide.
If caught, many would fumble,
Just pay and fake humble
So names wouldn’t spread far and wide
(Money saved: shrinking fast, an ebb tide).
I opened an e-mail, (oh damn!)
I just should have recognized spam:
This ridiculous hoax
Where I’ll meet sexy blokes
We’ll be married next week, (me and Sam)
Hey Man! Is this some kind of joke?
You said I would get a new cloak
It looks like a rat
Or perhaps a small cat
What the hell is this damn hairy yoke?
He made a mistake when he spoke;
He said “would”, but meant “wouldn’t”, poor bloke.
Now he sulks in disgrace
With egg on his face –
Dumb Donald just can’t take a yolk.
Under orders from Putin and Koch,
He gets rich while the country goes broke.
He befouls his abode
Like a poisonous toad,
And we’re hoping the bastard will croak.
Dear voters, it’s time you awoke;
Face reality, throw off the yoke.
“Fake POTUS, resign!
You’re a genuine swine,
And we’ve purchased a pig in a poke!”
Two heart attacks! (not such a joke!)
What’s next? Will I have a damn stroke?
Peg cooked “over easy”
I then felt real queasy
She said, “Next time, just throw up the yolk”
The email came out of the blue.
“I’ve got twenty million for you,
Guaranteed, ironclad!
To receive it,” wrote Vlad,
Just a good-faith deposit is due.”
So I sent twenty thousand. I knew
About spammers, but this must be true,
Because Donald denies
That Vlad ever lies …
Now, when will my money come through?
It’s Spam that I really do crave
Folks love it, indeed they do rave!
Now I hear a faint sound
Is it under the ground?
Oh Dear! Mama flipped in her grave!
Her hair color, sunrise/rinsed egg yolk,
A sweet melody flowed when she spoke.
Her taste in music, quite fine,
Concerts expensive, like wine,
Splurged on tickets and went for Baroque.
All statements out of Trump’s mouth are SPAM,
Lies with bluster, does not give a damn.
He’s so antagonistic,
When he’s caught, goes ballistic.
His policies are just one big scam.
Some foods make my whole body quiver
I’m not allowed pork, (makes me shiver)
She served me some Spam
Which I know contains ham
This IMBECILE added chopped liver
Ole Olsson, a bothersome bloke,
Put an egg in my hat, where it broke.
When I yelled, “That was lame!”
All he did was exclaim:
“Yumpin’ Yesus! You can’t take a yoke!”
My doctor was clear when he spoke:
“For protein, just eat the egg yolk
It makes you feel great
(You might even lose weight)
And be healthy and strong when you croak”
ANOTHER VERSION (makes more sense)
Some foods make my whole body shiver
I’m not allowed pork, (can’t forgive ‘er)
Cause she served me some Spam
Which I know contains ham
(This “loony toon” added chopped liver)
“First you iron the sleeves, then the yoke,”
Grandma taught me, and “Sprinkle — don’t soak!”
Now I wear crinkle cotton,
But haven’t forgotten
The love in her voice when she spoke.
If we had meat at all, it was Spam,
And we picked our own berries for jam;
We did chores every day
And went outside to play,
And the grownups were called “Sir” and “Ma’am.”
Sixty years down the road, I have steak,
And I nibble croissants when I wake —
But my grandson is mean,
Always glued to the screen,
And — what? Crying?! Not me, for Pete’s sake!
Humpty Dumpty, like regular folk,
Would sit on the wall for a smoke.
But after his splat,
Said a fellow named Pratt:
“I told you that guy was a yolk.”
I received a cool e-mail from “Graham?”
To warn me about getting spam
So I’ve been sending money
To “No More Junk Honey”
And it solved all my problems. Hot Damn!
While struggling under the yoke,
One ox to the other ox spoke:
“I find myself wantin’
Some Humanycontin…”
(I can’t even finish this joke.)
I tried on-line dating, but since
I’m finding it hard to convince
Any girls to reply,
I suppose I shall die
A lonely Nigerian Prince.
In sewing, we learned “The Shirt Yoke”
But my fine motor skills were a joke
I made one too tight
Not really quite right
And caused my dear brother to choke
There are numerous uses for Spam!
It also makes excellent jam!
You mash it real well
Till it forms a nice gel
Your guests will just love it. (then SCRAM!)
(double checked with “you tube” on the proper pronunciation of
“address”. The stressed syllable is “AD dress”
Limerick:
“Do NOT pay the “processing fee”
It’s Spam! They will take it and flee
You’ve not won big money
You’re being scammed, Honey
Here’s my ADdress; just send it to me”
(Here’s another take on Will Laughlin’s idea)
An oxen pair toiled with their yoke;
Both grumbling, each of them spoke.
The first one: “Say Ted –
What the hell’s on this sled?”
“Trump’s ego, in petrified oak.”
HAPPY HOME MAKER COOKING LESSON #1
When sep’rating white from the yolk
The YUK you’ll see might just evoke
Mem’ries of croup
Throwing up in your soup
Leave the kitchen. You don’t want to choke!
Your account’s been limited they say
We suspect there has been some foul play
But my suspicion
Is they’ve been phishing
Just click on this link’ – No way Jose.
My aunt once reported a spammer
And got him sent off to the slammer!
“Though his projects beguiled
Me,” said Auntie and smiled,
“Real millionaires use better grammar.”
This P.O.T.U.S. is such a big sham;
Embodies the flim and the flam.
Dr. Seuss would prescribe
One fate for his tribe:
A diet of green eggs and Spam.
Thoughts Bar’d from the Bard ~
Smell the rot in our good Camelot?
The imposter Trump left his foul blot.
Not just brown streak or yellow,
But both from this fellow—
It’s far worse than any spammed dot.
Chacun à Son Goo ~
A one-m Spam’s meat in a can,
But a spammer’s a woman or man.
Yet I’d even bet Nash
That some people love hash
With three mmm’s when the meat hits the fan.
THIS WEEK IS DIFFICULT
I’m afraid I’m not one of those folk
Whose “yoke” sounds the same as their “yolk”.
Oh, I could pretend;
But I know, in the end,
I’d regret it the moment I… spolk?
In Iceland, the strange huldufólk
Scare the chickens and scramble their yolk.
They’re so weird that it’s feared
That the cows will get “skyr”-ed,
And the terror will curdle their mjólk.
(This is far afield I have to go to find a decent rhyme for this week… the huldufólk (hidden folk) are Icelandic supernatural creatures that the locals take very seriously indeed; and skyr, I’m sure everybody knows by now, is a delicious Icelandic yogurt made from the local milk [mjólk]. Phooey.)
Well now the guy sez he misspoke
He claims there is really no yoke
With Putin? No way!
Believe me I say!
But don’t fall for the okey doke
I am so weary of spam
These criminals don’t give a damn
With gratuitous lie
They bleed victims dry
And spammers are still on the lam
Smoken and Yolken ~
When you’re rhyming a limerick with yolk,
People act like it’s some kind of joke.
Hokey Smoke! Are you nuts
Or an addle-brained putz?
You should toke one more smoke of that coke.
Huffin’ and Puffin’ with Nod ~
When Winken and Blinken and Nod
Went a trippin’ in their wooden pod,
They decided the yoke’ll
Fit fine on some yokel
Who’ll smoke’ll and pull their hot rod.
If your “e-mailer” just seems unknown
You will sense that “mysterious” tone
Most “spammers” mislead
So always take heed
When you get one from “La AmaZONE”
My in-box is full of such junk!
And most of its totally bunk!
But I just can’t delete
Cuz one might be from Pete
(You should see him; he’s really a hunk!)
Ignorance is Bliss
Oh, Wow! I found one real cool bomb!
I told all of my friends, even Mom!
A “Guideline For Fools”
You just read the rules:
It’s a website called, “No Spam Dot Com”
In order to get to the yolk
You give that cute sucker a poke
Then gook will spill out
Like a damn gushing spout
Cooking sucks. Just eat out. Go for broke.
Correction in CAPS for previous limerick:” Ignorance is Bliss”
Oh Wow! I found one real cool bomb!
I told my BEST friends, (ALSO Mom)
IT’S a “Guideline For Fools”
You just read ALL the rules:
(A website called, “No Spam Dot Com”)
THIS ONE IS BETTER
When sep’rating white from the yolk
The yuk that comes out will evoke
Those mem’ries of croup
(Throwing up in your soup)
Leave the kitchen, or else you might croak
You really must work on your stroke
For egg separation. It’s broke!
Now the whites just won’t whip
Cause they’re caught in the grip
Of that yucky, defiling stray yolk!
Hormel makes a mystery meat.
It’s with sodium nitrites replete.
Monty Python may scoff,
But I say: Buzz off!
‘Cause Spam’s what I most like to eat.
What I tell you is truly no joke
This task almost gave me a stroke
I have to admit
That my omelet was shit
All due to a real coddled yolk
What I’m telling you isn’t a joke
Our sweet little chick had a stroke
Half her anus is numb
And it makes her feel dumb
Cause all she can lay is the yolk
My cholesterol’s high, (It’s no joke)
“Doc”‘ said I could have a bad stroke
Then breakfast was fine
The eggs just divine
But I had to unscramble the yolk
In rowing, he’s known as the stroke;
Then starboard, another big bloke.
They power the shell
When it’s all going well
Like oxen attached to a yoke.
The rest of us try to keep pace;
Intent upon winning the race.
If we manage a burst
And wind up in first,
Our coxswain gets launched into space.
Well, Excuess Me ~
That morning, my egg had a yolk
Which was green, like a St. Patrick’s joke;
And so was my ham,
So I wrote, “Spam I Am.”
Dr. Seuss sued, so now I am broke.
Got an e-mail from “Answer Your Prayer”
The “subject” was “Real Frizzy Hair”
I “clicked” and it showed
A girl whose hair glowed
So I knew it was just “on the square”
I sent only ten bucks for my share
And I felt that was certainly fair
I’ve been paying for years
For my frizzy repairs
Each installment is just for one hair
Svedish businessman, Jurgenson Svolke,
Was so large all his clothes were bespoke.
“Ven you’re sefen feed tall,
Normal clothes is too schmall;
Gedding trousers dat fit is no yolk.”
Special Processed American Meat
Was what handed Der Fuhrur defeat.
Served in sarnies and soups,
It put heart in the troops,
And convinced them they couldn’t be beat’.
Silly me, that should be ‘yoke’ not ‘yolk’. Tch, tch.
Svedish businessman, Jurgenson Svolke,
Was so large all his clothes were bespoke.
“Ven you’re sefen feed tall,
Normal clothes is too schmall;
Gedding trousers dat fit is no yoke.”
What I’m telling you isn’t a joke
Growing up, we were always flat broke
I seem to recall
We just never got “all”
And breakfast was bacon and yolk
Two old ladies in deck chairs were sat
When a streaker stopped by for a chat.
“Vell, youngk man, that’s no yoke!
I might vell have a stroke.”
But too slow, she just managed a pat.
“I’m a vegan and cannot eat Spam
The animal product is ham”
“There’s no need to panic
This pig was organic!”
“Oh really? I have some! Hot Damn!
Did you know that the Donald loves Spam?
I’m totally shocked! (Yes I am!)
But now on reflection
There is a connection
Of course!! He’s the world’s biggest HAM !!
Downstate, there are real “high tech” folk
(Some people just call them “The Joke”)
Their chicks are so bright
Some lay only the white
While the others lay only the yolk
I’m allergic — Fate’s cruelest joke:
If you offer me peanuts, I’ll choke;
I get rashes from fruit
And from dairy I toot,
And I eat neither egg white nor yolk.
I throw up from salami and Spam;
I can’t touch chicken, duck, beef or ham;
I break out from tomatoes —
What’s left? Sweet potatoes
Thrice daily. I yam what I yam.
If my hubby eats eggs he will choke
(God help me) I wish he would croak
I made him some “stew”
(I now owe his death to)
The incredible edible yolk
What’s in Spam? Here, I’ll give it a stab:
Salt and nitrite (both more than a dab),
Sugar, water, starch, meat.
It won’t hurt you to eat,
Though it looks like it’s grown in a lab.
Even though it was clearly a sham
I opened this e-mail (Oh damn!)
It said, “Here’s a great plan:
It’s called “Pork In A Can”
(Any jerk could just tell it was Spam)
That Harry is one creepy bloke
He gives gifts that are really a joke
Just thinks he’s so hot
And for Christmas I got
A Faberge egg with a yolk
(creepy Harry again)
This Harry is one stupid bloke
(The remarks that he makes are no joke)
We all went for “Chinese”
And he asked, “Will you please
Give me hot Egg Drop Soup with no yolk”
This Harry is REALLY stupid!
If one’s greedy, they’re known as “Bad Folk”
And Aesop was telling no joke
So to prove that it’s true
Stupid Harry said, “You
should read “Goose And His Real Golden Yolk”
Mad: for the Chinese Egg Drop Soup limerick, line three should read:
We ALL went for “Chinese” (for better meter)
Could you add the word “ALL”
Thank You,
Lisi
***
Done.
I’m just not the sort who is mean
(And I love watching flicks on the screen)
See, I once tasted Spam
Then cried out “Gee God damn!
Oh Please! let’s not see “Soylent Green”
Human kindness’ gentle yolk
Is displayed by so few folk.
The American Way,
Vis-a-vis NRA,
Then appears as a tawdry joke.
An omelette requires some eggs be broke
Before the mix of white and yolk.
Ideal repast
For a breakfast
Is favoured by some folk.
Neath my official solemn yoke
What I say is never a joke;
There is no disputin’
What I said about Putin…
No sorry, it appears I miss-spoke.
Some people are simply no good
At behaving as some think they should.
They turn to scam
By sending out Spam
Not a legitimate job like they could.
Monty Python sang of SPAM
Before the internet true began.
Special Processed American Meat,
A culinary delightful treat?
Not some unsolicited email scam
Special Processed American Meat
Or SPAM in Yankee’s rations replete.
By foodies is panned
Because it is canned,
But it helped in the Nazi’s defeat.
Ex-Monty Pythoner’s sang-a-lot
About SPAM in the musical Spamalot.
A gold and bold night
In Brit humour’s fight
For innuendo, nuance and of course ham-a-lot.
Mass unsolicited emails, also known as Spam
Are mostly perpetrated as the friendly face of scam.
Just stop and think
And don’t click the link
And delete them as soon as you can.
If your e-mail seems very malicious
Don’t open it. Please be suspicious!
But if it says, “pie”
Then do NOT pass it by
(In that case, it’s something delicious)
There’s many a dangerous scam
Which come in the form of a “spam”
Just beware of “Sir Dickie”
Cause that one is tricky
The key words to note are “Wham Bam”
Dr. Menopause so clearly spoke:
“My Dear, what I see is no joke!
“You no longer have eggs
(Or not even the dregs)
“And also, you ain’t got no yolk”
The aggressive and rowdy young yokel
Sought attention and craved to be focal
Point of each spat
He caused wherever he’s at,
Now he’s in a jail that’s quite local.
Though they all look alike every egg is bespoke
Determined by its own white and own yolk
But having a double
Could lead to trouble
As a Siamese-twin chicken’s no joke.
There was a young man from Woking
Who tried hard to give up smoking.
He tried sucking a yolk
The egg stuck in his throat
And he nearly died from the choking.
My wife says that I am
A lovely highly vanilla man.
I have to say
That’s just OK,
Not artificial just like spam.
Though she might have been nearing age ninety,
The old lady, who was built quite slightly,
Gave never a croak
Under water tote yoke
Just skipped along so breezily and sprightly.
Can you change lightly to sprightly?
*****
Done.
From my snooze, I awoke to the stews’
Cries for women and children, in queues.
What could cause all this panic?
Was I on the Titanic?
It was Spam on our Carnival cruise.
In case you don’t remember, during the early morning hours of 8 November 2010, a fire in the engine room knocked out the Carnival Splendor’s main power supply. It then had to be towed to port while passengers were allegedly reduced to eating Spam and taking cold showers in their dark, stuffy cabins.
In contrast, the Titanic sank on 15 April 1912, killing nearly 70% of those on board.
Some older women beyond their pride
Whose eggs have all ossified,
Sad to say this is no joke,
Resort to donated sperm and yolk
Should this practice be decried?
Alternate ending – To rejuvenate the once blushing bride.
Some older women other alternate ending:
… practice please be denied.
As egg-tosser’s we don’t go for broke
In tossing without spilling the yolk.
A gentle snatch
From the air is the catch
To avoid a messy egg soak.
I’m preparing a meal for “Sweet Pam”
She’s a sexy brunette, (Oh Hot Damn!)
So I went to “Gourmet”
And checked out their array
Won’dring what type of wine goes with Spam
“Are you eating that crap again, Joe?
Say, Buddy, how low can you go?”
“You see, my friend, Syd
Me and Peg want a kid
And right now, my damn Spam count’s too low”
Ain’t THIS the truth!
Oh yes, I am quite a bit older
And thus, I’m undoubtedly bolder
My first husband (Oh GAD !)
The second (Real BAD!)
(They live in my cherished spam folder)
Mad: one limerick above: line five
It reads, “And right now my damn Spam count’s too low”
Could you please delete the word: “damn” (for better meter)
Thanks again,
Lisi
***
I didn’t because the meter as written seems to work for me:
And right NOW, my damn SPAM count’s too LOW.”
If Republicans find that the yoke
Binding them to our National Joke
Is a little too tight,
By November Trump might
Find some arsenic put in his Coke.
Ivanka’s surrendered the yoke
Of her business, which was going broke.
Due to tarrifs Chinese
And a retailer squeeze,
To concentrate on supporting D bloke.
The chief chef aboard Air Force One
Appears to be having some fun,
With burger McSpam
And coke, spam chips and spam
To cater to D’s delicate tum.
One thing they say they have found,
(In those internet things that go round),
That a high dose of spam
Is a cure-all for flam
And is embalming for when you’re in the ground.
Two up… could you change his delicate to D’s delicate – Ta
***
Done
A mountain man, tending his still,
Was enraged by his latest tax bill.
That damn government yoke
Makes him sputter and choke ―
Although less than that hooch of his will.
“What d’you think of that lim’rik site Pam?”
“It surely confuses me, Sam!
You said, “Click under MAD”
So I did, but was sad
Cause her blog’s full of egg yolks and Spam!”
The smart people say “It’s no joke”
It’s a topic of all the “town folk”
A sequential-like query
(Perhaps just a theory)
“Which came first, then, the white or the yolk?”
Apparent only birds and reptiles
Have eggs can be used as missiles.
So join in the joke,
And spatter with yolk
Some clean and bright white shirt textiles.
A man took a pig-in-a-poke.
Turned out ’twas be covered with yolk.
With legs weak and rubbery,
He ran into the shrubbery,
Where he stifled his cries with a choke.
The cast and the crew, (gifted folk)
Although, opening night was a joke!
The play:”Trump’s Great Deeds
And Just How He Succeeds”
Laid a genuine bonafide yolk
Betty Mac Donald (3/07-2/58)
The Mac Donald’s were real simple folk
And life on the farm was no joke
“Stupid Harry” did claim
That their “lives were a shame”
(Said he just finished, “I And The Yolk”)
When e-mails are “strange” you DELETE!
That simple task now is COMPLETE!
(Yet, I JUST had to pay
Fifty dollars a day)
T’was a cure for my real smelly feet!
When moving day came and we woke,
our first act wast to put on a yoke.
Since taking each box in
made us feel like oxen,
we had a laugh ‘fore our backs broke.
There once was a chicken who spoke
not long after turning from yolk.
When asked “chicken or egg?”
he said, “Don’t pull my leg!
They both were around when I woke!”
I’m not up to writing a limerick yet
But when I can, I will tell you, you bet!
Kay
CORRECTION:
The cast and the crew, (gifted folk)
But Opening Night was a joke
“The Donald’s Great Deeds
“And Just How He Succeeds”
Laid a genuine bona fide yolk
I seem to have all of you chumps
Thoroughly, totally whumped.
On you is the joke,
Your face covered with yoke,
The game certainly wasn’t No Trumps.
It is the middle of the night.
I’m awake from my peaceful sleep-tight.
The stitching broke
On my pyjama-top yoke,
And gave me one hell of a fright.
(Alternate ending: This Chinese merchandise is a fright.)
Two up: that should be yolk, note yoke. Ta.
I spend all of the day in the saddle
Getting ever more burnt to a frazzle.
As I tie the calf rope
To the horse yoke
I keep thinking, “How can I skedaddle?”
A deliberate poke of the borax
In the story of Onceler and Lorax.
The Dr. Seuss poke
At Big Business’ Yoke
Sadly did not prevent a lot more acts!
(Alternate ending: Hopefully went some way to stop more acts?)
I’d offer to help you out Kay,
‘Cause I’m sure you’ve got something to say,
But which yolk, yoke or spam?
I’m not sure that I can,
But Kay whatever you say is OK.
The temptation was strong as he spoke
She was certain his love was no joke
But when they got close
He then said, “Adios”
Cause this man was just one deviled yoke
Poor Mary Anne had a bad stroke
Yet her husband was clear when he spoke:
“I am trying to sleep”
“Please do not make a peep”
(This guy was just one hard-boiled yoke)
Another darn spam from “Let’s Mingle!”
And would you believe it’s called “Swingle”!!
(Of course I should pay)
It just won’t go away
And WHAT!! It’s a crime being SINGLE?
My m-in-law is a tech dud,
Won’t learn, e’en though she could.
A computing ham,
Knows nothing of spam
But at pay-out’s she’s getting quite good.
You won’t know what it is to harried
Until you find yourself married;
Forego the marital yoke
With some woman or bloke
Or harried married you’ll wish you had tarried.
HOLIDAY COOKING IDEA
This dish is one “kit and caboodle”
Mix ham with some pork, and a noodle
It’s also essential
To fold in a pencil
And PRESTO! You’ve just made Spam Doodle!
(A nice recipe for Christmas and Chanukah)
This dish is just “yum” (Oh Hot Damn!)
The essential ingredient’s HAM
Mix in unleavened bread
So it makes a nice spread
And you’ve made what’s called “Matzoh Ball Spam”
I in no way want to disparage
The institution of marriage,
But neath legal yoke,
Dissolution’s no joke
And of justice there may be miscarriage.
After much familial harangue
I agreed to make a meringue.
No use for the yolk?
A face-cream bespoke…
Now I look ten years younger. Gawd-dang!
Apologies
I seem to have screwed my correction
In giving you the wrong direction.
The “yoke” should be “yolk”
Not to “yolk, note yoke”
Which makes no sense on reflection.
If you have an aversion to ham
It doesn’t mean you won’t like Spam
Add one cup Sangria
And then you will see ‘ya
Will eat it and not give a damn
(unexpected company)
Here’s a recipe known as “Fast Ham”
You can make it when you’re in a jam
(To satisfy needs
Of all races and creeds)
It’s Moussaka and lox, mixed with Spam
For a healthy heart, don’t eat the YOLK!
It’s like poison for old AND young “folk”
So if you are bright
Please eat ONLY egg white
And then just go out for a smoke
Some dine on turkey and ham
At Christmas, I prefer Spam.
The chemical storm
Keeps me toastilly warm
And the surge through my veins? Hot-damn!
I decry the sham use of spam.
I’m honest, I most certainly am!
I’ll not beg or plead,
(Though cash I do need),
Trust me. You know you can.
Ve’re sorry that some of you volk
Are unhappy under our yoke,
But the Fuhrer says “Fire!”
Vich is vhat ve reqvire
Zo hurry-up, shovel more coke.
We’re a team, as if joined by a yoke,
And our “marital bond” we invoke,
But my wife made a noose,
For she didn’t deduce
That “the old ball and chain” is a joke.
It’s not marmoset, egret or lamb;
Neither lizard, nor hagfish, nor clam;
Not giraffe, worm, dog, cat,
Yeast, turducken or bat,
Nor planarian. I’m guessing Spam.
The pediatrician, “Doc” Polk
Was the man who would always provoke
My brother and me
To just take off and flee
Till our mom stuck our heads through a yoke
Mad: Line five I typed “out” instead or “our”
I should read: Till our mom stuck OUR heads through a yoke
Can you change that for me.
Thank you,
Lisi
*****
Done.
The minister gracefully spoke:
“I’ve come here to wed you two folk”
But right then I thought back
When I married that “wak”
And just bolted from under the yoke
Oh Dear! Here’s that real boorish yoke!
“Hey Mum, where d’ya buy that old cloak?”
“My dear, it’s a SHAWL
“And just once and for all!
“My clothing are ALWAYS bespoke!”
Now Trump, with one twidiot stroke,
Just buzz-sawed a G.O.P. yoke.
Because of his spree,
Their mid-terms will be
A picnic without any Koch.
New Limerick (three above) That one: a bit confusing
The minister gracefully spoke:
“I’m delighted to wed you nice “folk”
But then I thought back
(My first wife was a “wak”)
So I bolted from under the yoke
Oh Boy, you are one sexy yoke!
And I love your new shiny black cloak!
“My Dear, I’ve a game
“It’s called “Blindfold And Shame”
“Sounds like FUN! Eight o’clock? Okey doke!
There are some very smart folk
Write bespoke jokes of yolk.
Seems some of them can
Be sending like spam
Caught up in their creative yoke.
What’s that you say Sam-I-Am,
That YOU don’t like Green Eggs and Spam?
Can’t stand the green yolk,
Makes you splutter and choke
And retch at green white and green spam.
Now, a word that’s not easy to peg,
Is the word for the white of an egg.
Repeat joke joke joke joke
And you’ll think the word’s “yolk”!
But it’s not: I’ve been pulling your leg.
Mad Kane loves a real funny joke
(Her hubby is quite a nice bloke)
And every two weeks
She presents her “critiques”
Until then, we’re all under her yoke
You have entered “Ye ‘Ole Hippie Yoke”
Each day, we attempt to evoke
The “Spirit Of Time”
When our lives were sublime
And to join us, you must take a toke
Eating SPAM from the can with a fork,
Is my favorite way to have pork.
Oh! I’m sorry to hear
That my words are not clear:
That’s the way that we speak in New Yolk.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Limerick-Off Award 303. Congratulations to the winners!
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Date.