Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: RIDE/DERIDE at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using RIDE/DERIDE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SNOBBISHNESS using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SNOBBISHNESS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 28, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, May 27, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A man who has gripes with his bride
Decided to let them all ride;
She has talents in bed
And is rich (so she said.)
But he soon will see red, cuz she lied.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Battle of Sexes, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Marriage Verse, Money Limerick, Poetry & Prompts, Sex Humor, Writing Prompts
Two young lovers named Bonnie and Clyde
Were well known and were feared far and wide.
Set out from the garage
But they met a barrage.
‘Twas the last time they’d go for a ride.
Wednesday, November 9, 2016
We sobbed and we cursed and we cried —
Or we puked till we damn nearly died —
To learn how a fake
Only fit for the stake
Had taken us all for a ride.
“When you’ve finished and sewed up my hide,
Doc, will I be able to ride?”
The surgeon smiled, “Shore!
Just as well as before!”
“But I couldn’t before — never tried…”
May 2017: Is He Still There?
Oh, this year’s been a heck of a ride;
Oval Office? Cringe at who’s inside.
I still can’t quite believe it:
Someone, make Chump leave it!
And he’s just begun hitting his stride…
Yep, Trump’s on deride of his life,
Wildly flailing about, causing strife.
If fond plans are derailed,
Guilty folks will be jailed;
Out of pique, he might take a fourth wife.
Snobby Bobby Left the Lobby
And walked with his nose in the air
As he relished each flattering stare,
But soon tripped. Down he went,
To loud curses gave vent:
His reflection dimmed by the sun’s glare.
The Rich: (In)different?
Bitsy Wright, college snob, was quite tiresome;
If she needed cash, Father would wire some.
Pals, selected for wealth,
Chortled in spiteful stealth
That she had no true friends – but could hire some.
Her Highness Brought Low
Many years had the Haughty One reigned,
During which all her friends had refrained
From revealing the truth
About Jennifer Ruth:
Her connections to blue blood were feigned.
Moral of the Story: Brickbats Don’t Bring Glory
People in glass houses, rocks throw not!
FOR they risk loud jeers, sneers if get caught.
But a snob might insist
On the facts and persist
In insulting those he thinks he’s bought.
Sure, pot, you can call the kettle black,
But afterwards you’d best not turn your back.
Although names might not hurt you,
Your allies will desert you:
They won’t risk being who you’ll next attack.
“This President job’s a rough ride,
But you ask, am I still takin’ pride
In my trophies from shootin’ ?
You’re darned rootin’ tootin’ –
The latest is James Comey’s hide!
Don’t forget when you go for a ride,
By the traffic laws you should abide.
All the rules you must heed,
No left turn! Watch your speed!
From the cops you can run, but can’t hide.
A guy took a gal in his car.
They rode but they didn’t go far.
It was quite a wild ride.
Lots of fun things were tried,
Some angles were rather bizarre.
Trump’s a bully with very thin skin,
Like a five year old, he has to win.
His tweets will deride
Those who will not abide
With the falsehoods that he tries to spin.
Donald Trump thinks he has to deride
All the folks who are not on his side.
With his words terse and bitter
Posted daily on Twitter,
But whenever he’s tweeted, he’s lied.
There once was an arrogant prick
Who thought his great wealth made him slick.
Robbing ‘Meruka blind,
Only thing on his mind.
We’ve got to dump Trump, and be quick!
There’s one thing I cannot abide,
I’m angry and can’t let it slide.
Wrong to take what I’ve penned,
And then slightly amend.
Similarities can’t be denied.
The above- EDITED-
There’s one thing I cannot abide,
I’m angry, can’t just let it ride.
Wrong to take what I’ve penned,
And then slightly amend.
Similarities can’t be denied.
Our national symbol of pride
Is where he can scurry and hide;
Then direct Air Force One
Towards Florida sun
While taking us all for a ride.
(Sorry, it’s just a fairy-tale)
The Donald had cheated and lied,
And defaulted on debts far and wide.
But the half-witted slob
Found he’d ripped off the mob,
So they’re taking the fool “for a ride”.
(I’m not sure that “astRIDE” is a valid rhyme-word … oh, well)
“There’s a tooth that I really must fill”,
Said her dentist. “Now, keep your head still.”
Then he said “Open wide”,
And she found him astride
Her – but what she felt wasn’t a drill.
Have you met my snobby Aunt Mabel?
No food on her Louis Quinze table;
The Porsche outside gleams —
But there’s no gas, it seems;
And her dress is years old — but the label!
The Groom was sarcastic and snide;
Her wishes he’d just override.
He was brutal and shitty;
The Best Man felt pity,
And so I eloped with the Bride.
I have a snobby and snide
cousin named Gerald D. Clyde.
He thinks he’s the best poet.
He says everyone knows it,
but when I showed him your website he cried:
“Oh no, this cannot be true!
These rhymes are so perfect! How could you?
I am the top dog
What?! She even has a blog?
I give up, I’ll go find my crew.”
So I just wanted to say,
you’re the best poet living today.
Donald Trump sucks,
though he makes big bucks,
so for him to get kicked out I pray.
For the snobby poem :>
*****
From Mad Kane: Thanks very much for your kind and enthusiastic words. :)
(Double)
“Far be it for me to deride
Your grammar and spelling”, he sighed.
“Though no snob, I feel faint
When I hear you say “ain’t” –
It’s a thing that I cannot abide.”
My wife is my lifetime “guide”
But she always tends to deride
My sexual expertise
When she’s down on her knees
Although I regularly say “I tried”
I’ll wait for the rain to subside
Said the hunter, not one to deride
The river we crossed
Has risen, all’s lost
For the quarry is on t’other side
If an astronauts melieu is space
Weightlessness is a thing to embrace
As with Sally Ride
Not one to deride
She came back to earth within grace
NOT A DUPLICATE
My loving wife is my lifetime “guide’
But she always tends to deride
My sexual expertise
When she’s down on her knees
Although I regularly say, “DARLING, I tried”
My former boyfriend said I was a snob
He was kind of cute and his name was Rob
He said “no” and wouldn’t wear Hugo Boss
And “nix” to eating vodka sauce
I also didn’t care for his thingamabob
I only talked to guys who were cute
All the others would get the “boot”
My perfect man had to have money
Always be astoundingly funny
And of course, be dressed in an Armani suit
Not as Rare as a Unicorn
For their coffee, you overpaid
If your cup has been graced by a mermaid.
It is syrup and beans,
But above your means
Without ordering pricey upgrade!
With a nod to Marty…
I had hitch-hiked and picked up a ride
With a couple with something to hide.
My foreboding was strong;
I thought: what could go wrong?
Then she said, “Hi, I’m Bonnie. He’s Clyde.”
“Hey Baby, let’s go for a ride.”
Said the horny young lawyer inside.
She started to yield
Before flashing her shield;
“Your bargaining plea is denied.”
Robert said “We’ll go for a ride
And have lunch at a scenic countryside”
At Burger King
His card went DING DING!
I gather this guy frequently lied
“My parents are snooty.” she said
To her male-stripper boyfriend named Jed.
He answered this way:
“Let’s simply just say
I’m a mover and shaker instead.”
As a knight pure and true he must ride
But he fell and then couldn’t decide:
Pick the angel or babe?
And the choice that he made
Led to hell but with Babe by his side.
Some very rich people agree
They’re better – it’s so plain to see;
And should be admired
For how they’ve acquired
The golden commodes where they pee.
MISS MANNERS SAYS:
When eating corn on the cob
Don’t be a fancy snob
Spit out from underneath
And what’s stuck between your teeth
Ignore anyone who calls you a slob
My friend is Seaman Clyde
Making friends he always tried
But it was always the same
When folks heard his name
They would poke fun and spitefully deride
NOT A DUPLICATE
(MISS MANNERS SAYS)
When eating corn on the cob
Don’t be a fancy snob
Spit out the junk in your teeth
Always look underneath
Ignore anyone who calls you a slob
I WILL TRY THIS ONE AGAIN
(INTERNET DATE)
Meet me at the pool outside
Right near the brand new ride
I will be drinking gin
And wearing a grin
I’ll be the one with nothing to hide
(ANOTHER TRY AGAIN)
When going down a fun-filled slide
Make sure your pants are securely tied
It’s very rude
To be in the nude
On a public amusement ride
A cowboy took way too much pride
In his bronc-busting talents. He tried
To impose by brute force
His mad skills on a horse
(Which he promptly commenced to de-ride).
There once was an unblushing bride
Whose vain groom kept her well satisfied
With his cocky technique
That gave rise to a shriek
As she straddled his pride for a ride.
There once was a snobby stuffed shirt
Incongruously yearning to flirt.
He despised what he prized –
Oversized supple thighs –
As he looked down his nose up her skirt.
We had a fierce and passionate ride
Unfortunately, the proverbial “rabbit died”
I had to tell Joe
He cried out “Oh No!”
Next week I shall be a lovely bride
“Your ladies lack toned buns of steel,”
Quipped a patron who wasn’t genteel.
“I will never deride
Derrières that are wide,”
Answered Peter Paul Rubens with zeal.
“I say this with great surety –
No one’s treated less fairly than me!
CNN will deride
Each reform I have tried,”
Said the President petulantly.
Don’t make fun of my fun-filled job
You are a very conceited and pompous snob
I bag the food
I’m in a good mood
And you, my friend, are an out- of -work slob
She was rich, with her nose in the air,
But the stableboy knew how to lay ‘er.
‘Twas a deed bold and naughty.
She’s done being haughty;
Each day he plays stud to her mare.
I know a man who’s a pompous snob
Everyone pokes fun of him with regards to his job
Someone had the gall
To say his hands were small
Referring to his small-scale thingamabob
BMW’s Spontaneous Combustion
He had promised a wonderful ride.
With the standards, he barely complied,
But the dealer’s a liar
As it catches on fire
Since your automobile has been fried!
Why He Didn’t Get Any
About dinner tonight, I’m not bitchin’,
So let’s take a slow ride in the kitchen.
Yet, fileted AND deep-fried?
I can run but not hide!
Your mystery meat is for pitchin’.
Oops, Mad, got carried away & didn’t end line with rhyme word!
Retry:
Why He Didn’t Get Any
About dinner tonight, I’m not bitchin’,
So let’s steam things up in the kitchen.
Yet, fileted AND deep-fried?
I don’t mean to deride,
But your mystery meat is for pitchin’.
Sharon Was Darin’
Friday night, perfect time for a ride
With young Willy. She soon hit her stride
And that sofa was rockin’:
Their pace, it was shockin’,
When – key in the lock: roll and hide!
Her parents came in, closed the door,
While they waited it out on the floor
‘Til upstairs her folks went.
In defiance of Lent,
They went back for seconds and more.
No Trump: Bridge Ain’t For Dummies
Well, he’s lied about every last thing.
Please, consensus on charges to bring!
He’s had too long a ride
As it is: grin wide, snide.
Gee, who knew that ol’ Putin could sing?
Time For A Change! Were You Deranged?
They said Bill let it hang from his pants,
And a woman for Prez? Not a chance.
Now the “nutjob” inside
Takes us all for a ride:
Who’ll call time for the end of this dance?
Heaven knows I wish they could impeach ‘im.
Stay-home voters, it takes what to reach ’em?
It won’t take long, Barack,
‘Fore we ALL want you back!
No insurance? Could be that’ll teach ’em.
Chump Change
Non-Reps offer a plan? He can trump it.
Meals On Wheels for the poor? Bah, just dump it!
Big fat sham. Bible-thumper
He’s not; crop’s a bumper
Of lies. Disagree with him? Lump it.
Gosh darn it, Mad, I did it again! :( Sorry ~ retry:
Chump Change
Non-Reps offer a plan? He can trump it.
Meals On Wheels for the poor? Bah, just dump it!
Big sham out for a ride,
Russia’s Pride now decried.
Nonetheless, disagree with him? Lump it.
Dying To Prove Him Wrong
As I take the US for a ride,
I’m the groom to America’s bride.
*uck you all: open wide!
Deep inside…I take pride
In my job. Can’t say I haven’t tried :)
My name’s Trump, I lie early and often;
I never get tired of scoffin’.
Climate change? Nah; depends…
I’ll “know” once the world ends!
Be prepared: pay up front for your coffin.
NOT A DUPLICATE
I know a man who’s a pompous snob
He brags about his important job
Someone had the gall
To say his hands were small
Referring to his little thingamabob
Though I’ve tried not to take too much pride,
Every day, feeling snide, I deride
The words that are said
By that giant orange head
That collide with the truth. (Facts denied!)
TURNABOUT
Born to wealth, having blood that runs blue,
You treat me like dirt on your shoe.
But no-sirree-Bob,
I’m the one who’s the snob,
For I know I’m far better than you.
Please try not to deride
Selma Gluck, the unattractive bride
The groom cannot see
And she told him that she
Is gorgeous and breathtaking; so what if she lied?
He’s Right, and Everyone Knows It
We’re all on one heck of a ride:
Do you want your “facts” half-baked or fried?
You could swallow them whole,
Cede to Trump full control.
If you trust him (why?), then open wide!
For it seems truth and lies are the same,
Making past prez debacles look tame.
Good thing Comey has notes,
Getting Trump’s herd of goats;
No one wins in this zero-sum game.
If he says so, by God, then it’s true!
(Orange nest: one flew by, huge cuckoo.)
The Prez always is right –
You think different? Let’s fight!
“Our side” knows that he’s perfect: don’t you?
NOT A DUPLICATE
Try hard not to deride
Selma the ugly bride
The groom cannot see
So she told him that she
Is sexy and cute; so what if she lied?
How snobby’s that bitch? Oh, I fear
It is much worse than it may appear
Like a pie in the sky
She is stuck up so high
That she now is some guy’s chandelier.
A clean freak is hardly a slob
And will never eat corn on the cob
Or fried chicken or ribs
Or eat food where some bibs
Are required to finish the job.
The stalker had constantly eyed
The cute girl, but she soon would deride
The creepy offender
She said, “I’m transgender”
Then to the bartender he cried.
The election – oh, what a wild ride!
And since then, our democracy’s died
But wait! Trials are pending
Jail time he’ll be spending
This land will be mending with pride.
The prostitute, skirt short and tight
Got picked up by some guy, not too bright
She had put sex aside
But said, “Thanks for the ride!”
Then away she would slide in the night.
The surfer, enjoying the ride
Would soon, with two big sharks, collide
One said, “I’ve first dibs on
The dude; don’t need bibs on
I’ve always liked ribs on the side.”
Soon after their overseas ride
As Melania stood near his side
To her, he allotted
His hand, which she swatted
That promptly bespotted his pride.
That old snob, one day, has to admit
As a husband, he’s fully unfit
He deserves all the strife
Coming soon in his life
That’s for treating his wife like pure shit!
He bombastically brags he’s the best
And my answer is “Surely, you jest!”
But not with this knob
He’s the consummate snob
It’s his arrogance I most detest.
A two-TRILLION-buck error in math?!
This leaves us with only one path:
We must stop this mad ride
With T. Rump as our guide —
Let’s just kick him outside on his ath.
My Donnie Lies Over The Ocean, and Everywhere Else
Oh look, it’s a carnival ride!
Big sign “Enter at Risk” propped outside.
One can argue we knew
When we voted, it’s true,
‘Cause at least he’s consistently lied.
What color’s your hair? Green, he’ll say;
And I twice fed the poor in Bombay!
I don’t lie, I just Twitter:
Nutjobs, I’m no quitter!
Let’s hope (pray) that this Don’s had his day.
When Uncle Ed went on the “Speedy Ride”
It scrambled his brain and destroyed his pride
Try as he may
He just lost his way
And was swept away with the ebb and the tide
Disneyland has a brand new ride
I thought I’d try it with my nephew Clyde
When we got on the seat
I felt humiliating defeat
The supervisor said, “Your butt is too wide”
Melania’s hot! That aside,
The assumption she’ll willingly ride
The diminutive peter
Of Donald the Tweeter
Is funny (on nitrous oxide).
Inspired by real events
The balloons that he tied to his chair
Contained hydrogen (lighter than air).
He soared up for a ride,
Lit a cig, and then died.
That’s a Darwin Award win, right there.
As I spin on the carnival ride
I see something approach from the side
It’s a drone! It’s a bomb! It
Is fast as a comet
God, no! It is vomit! (I’m fried!)
A petulant orangey blob
Who’s the most reprehensible snob
Just thinks he’s adorable
But he’s deplorable
Doing a horrible job!
If you think that the monarchs in Britain
Are snobbish, oh gawd, you ain’t shittin’!
What, you like pedagogic?
It’s just psychologic
And you are illogic’lly smitten!
He asked, “Baby, do you want a ride?”
She said, “Sure!” and naively complied
But when he tried to rape her
He couldn’t escape her
Her videotape got him tried.
The kidnappers went for a ride
Stole a kid from the city’s rich side
Oh, the bad, evil laddie
Was psycho and bratty
He drove them so batty, they cried.
For a ransom, the robbers applied
Which the parents quite gladly denied
“If you want to return him,
Pay US or you earn him!”
The kidnappers promptly complied.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is… Limerick-Off Award 278.
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the SNOBBISHNESS-Themed Limerick Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Know/No.