Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: GRILL/GRILLE at the end of any one line
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using GRILL/GRILLE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to POWER, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best POWER-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 2, 2017 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 1, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
When I tried to return a gas grill,
I felt burned when the owner said “Chill!”
So I countered with heat:
“It won’t light! You’re a cheat!
“Take it back, or you’ll soon need a will.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Clothes Shopping, Competition Limerick, Cooking Humor, Food Humor, Gas Grills, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Money & Finance Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Shopping Limerick, Writing Prompts
Dear Mom: Can you not be a pill?
I do not need your lectures. Please chill!
So I stayed out all night —
But that’s **my** business. Right?
6 a.m. is too early to grill!
Trump’s Tower of London ~
So-called P wants his enemies crushed,
And opposing views everywhere hushed.
Yes, we’ll all be quite thrilled
Once he’s finally grilled
Behind bars where his Tweets will be shushed.
Meat used to give me a thrill
When cooked on a sizzling grill.
It’s a carcinogen?
Guess I’ll begin again
By just eating veggies or krill.
In this dark and, yes, desperate hour,
Looking up at the lights of Trump Tower,
I remember with dread
What George Orwell once said:
“The object of power is power.”
Though placators of Russia were shrill,
Commentators continued to grill.
But the flatus they got
From the traitors was not
Quite as straight as a three-dollar bill.
“As a chef, I am great!” was his boast.
“I can cook the books better than most.
Though I don’t have the skill
To put bread on the grill,
I can turn the whole country to toast.”
He phoned tech support with a frown:
“The computer you sold me went down!”
“Have you plugged it in right?”
“I can’t tell with no light –
There’s a power cut all over town.”
Reporters were eager to grill
Donald Trump, but you know the drill
He dipped and he dodged
Each question they lodged,
And lied ‘til they’d all had their fill.
“My team is the best!” Donald twitters,
“A line-up of powerful hitters!”
Yes, President Trump
Is re-filling the swamp
With much bigger and slimier critters.
The heat from my brand new gas grill,
Is somewhat of an awful thrill.
I received quite a fright,
When I got burnt last night.
Hospital bill grows longer still.
“More power to the people!” they cried,
And the Donald said “I’m on your side!”
But it turned out he meant
Just the .1%,
And the rest? With no healthcare, they died.
(Line 4 needs to be read out loud …)
In Trump’s White House kitchen, they will
Take measures to lower the bill.
Already, they’re saving;
Kellyanne’s microwaving
With Sean Spicer’s buns on the grill.
The media picks who to grill
We’re savvy, but they do it still
For goodness sake
Their stories are fake
And liberals just eat up that swill
*****
From MBK: Never let it be said that I deny right-wingers and Trump supporters a voice on my site.
He put a big steak on the grill,
So excited, “Oh heart, do be still!”
But she didn’t eat meat,
No allure; a defeat.
From then on, it all went downhill.
Trump’s hungry for profits and power,
The rest of us? It’s all gone sour.
We’re all being scammed.
The Country, be damned.
We’re going broke, guarding Trump Tower.
The greatest turn-on is power,
Said Kissinger, then Man of the Hour.
But that’s not always true.
Some guys don’t have a clue.
Think of Trump, and I just want to shower.
The whale, a baleen, had a grille
To filter the plankton and krill,
But she ran out of luck
The day Jonah got stuck
And she just couldn’t swallow the pill.
His steak was destroyed as the grill
Reduced it to charcoal until
Trump’s dinner that night
Was fashioned just right;
With ketchup enhancing the thrill.
Power Wielded
A transistor, with zero assistance
Walked into a bar called: St. Vincent’s
Heard the bartender sneer,
“We don’t serve your kind here!”
And left without much resistance
It’s par for the media swill
A right minded person they’d grill
But I don’t see heat
For the election cheat,
It’s a pass for Donna Brazile
Fake news – that’s a powerful term
Some use to deny or confirm.
A rhetorical crutch
Fright-wingers and such
Deploy as they wiggle and squirm.
There once was a chicken who said,
As a fox thought she’s tastier dead,
“There is no one I see
As majestic as me.”
The jaw power went straight to her head.
Donald Trump seems a trifle confused.
He believes power should be abused.
He’s created a mess
But keeps blaming the press.
May sound funny, but we’re not amused.
The power of lies and deception;
The lib way since their inception
And yet you affirm
The right has to squirm?
Um, which side just won the election?
When a Trump troll gets up in your grille,
It’s enough to just laugh at the shill.
For despite all the crude
Hateful crap Trump has spewed,
His accomplishments: nada, zilch, nil.
Revised version:
The women are up in his grill
Their voices so nasty and shrill
Why can’t THEY just stick to
What he WANTS them to do –
Come on over for Netflix and chill?
Corrected version (earlier version had typo)
It was dark down at Joe’s Bar and Grill.
Not a sound. It was perfectly still.
Had to kill Happy Hour
‘Cause they lost all their power.
Must remember to pay that damned bill!
Patio Store Confidential (Oy, vey!)
Hissed the barbecue spit, “Please be still,
Or you’ll never grow up as a grill!”
The humans can’t know
That at night, we all glow.”
The hibachi responded, “I will!”
From the pool section came a reply.
“I’ll protect her. Lord knows, I will try.
She brings me such joy,
Because I am a buoy
Who loves grills. That I cannot deny.”
Hats off to the power of lims!
They connect left and right, Tims and Slims.
Disagree, but no rancor.
Their rhyme scheme’s our anchor
For sharing political whims.
The new prez gets loud and shrill
Each time the press begins to grill
The Trump on his strange views.
He whines, “It’s fake news!
And besides, my knowledge is nil.”
The G.O.P.’s onion-skinned boy
Has the power to wreck and destroy.
Hate-mongers rejoice,
He’s unlocking their voice;
And Putin can play with his toy.
What might be implied about Putin
And Trump, I’m roundly refutin’
No evidence – none!
Of malfeasance done,
Just typical lib overshootin’
A Rose Plucked by Him Would Not be the Same ~
This so-called Don Juan thinks his power
Is such that he’ll cook and devour,
Every grill of his dream,
For to him, it would seem,
They’re just pussies, and none a true flower.
TheRealDonald replies:
Believe me, Slim Rick, I am glad
To see someone round here who’s not sad.
I would say a lot more,
But I’m outa the door –
Gotta make my next payment to Vlad.
The power of FAUX News upset her.
(You’ll notice there’s one extra letter)
And yes, I agree
There should only be three;
Removing the “A” makes it better.
So, the Trump/Putin angst you can’t shake?
But really, who’s been on the take?
I doubt liberals cried
When Clinton allied
With Putin, and sold him YELLOW CAKE
Course, that didn’t happen so cheap
Quid pro quo deals must cost a heap
Millions were added
Her foundation was padded
And the media? Nary a peep
So, this trumped up stuff on the Don:
”Let’s lynch him, impeach him!” – Cry on.
You’re gonna need facts
‘Fore he gets the ax
It’s all lib hysteria….yawn…
******
From Mad Kane: Before you spread Trump’s unsubstantiated claims of such a quid pro quo, I suggest you read this in depth fact checking article: “Donald Trump inaccurately suggests Clinton got paid to approve Russia uranium deal.”
Opinion is fine here. Lies and unsubstantiated claims are NOT!
And a reminder: Please write limericks that use the current rhyme word (Grill/Grille) and/or have a more obvious tie to the theme of Power.
The guy has a working-man’s squint
In that ad with a little blue tint.
It rambles at length
About power and strength;
When nookie is more than a hint.
Their pill gets him up for romance;
Disclaimers: But there is a chance
That for hours his dick
Could turn into a stick
Or his balls might fall off in his pants.
It’s nice to have an outdoor grill
Most men feel it’s a special skill
But when there’s a fire
They begin to perspire
And give a lady that riveting thrill
Men say they have great power
They insist they’ll never cower
But when they have the flu
They’re helpless and blue
And assign “wifey” the spouse of the hour
It came with a big, ugly grille;
And spacious – not easy to fill.
Supposedly classy,
Obnoxious and gassy;
It’s journey was mostly downhill.
The nameplate was famous, it’s true;
But problems came out of the blue.
It’s final demise
Was to no one’s surprise;
Trump’s Taj Mahal ran out of glue.
“Smell those burgers and dogs on the grill,
But avoid the chef, William,” said Jill.
“When he talks, it’s boring;
Pretty soon you’re snoring.
So take heed; don’t get stuck with the Bill.”
Using battery-powered creations
Gives her wonderful-feeling sensations.
Like that Beach Boys old song,
With her substitute dong,
She is picking up good vibrations.
Elvis Presley would carefully choose
When to show his lung power. He’d use
Azure boots on the ground
Made of leather. Folks found
The result when he puffed: blew swayed shoes.
The trouble with Congress this year
Is the same as before, ‘twould appear.
All their falsehoods are jokes.
They’re re-lie-able folks
Who seek power and money; that’s clear.
Northeast snow storm left people without
Any power, so folks are no doubt
Neither cheered nor consoled
When it’s bitterly cold
To hear “Have an ice day and chill out.”
To the party some friends are invited.
What they hope for the most they have cited:
It is darkness they like.
Electricity spike?
When the power goes out, they’re de-lighted.
Can I fool myself — that is the question
Into thinking I’ll get indigestion
From that marvelous cake?
Well… hell, no, for Pete’s sake!
I just do not have power of suggestion!
Oh! I like to cook stuff on my grill
Juicy burgers or bratwurst until
They are charred, good and dead,
Though in hell, I have read,
When we fry our beers never will chill.
He can’t stand the heat of the grill,
And his tweets are increasingly shrill.
Impeachment’s in line,
Or perhaps he’ll resign …
“Believe me,” says Pence, “that’s God’s will.”
Betcha this doesn’t ride
Well, this blogger’s power is clear
My ass will get banished, I fear
But sources I’ll name
Substantiate MY claim
But that’s not what she wants to hear
She only named one on-line source
A pro Clinton rag. But, of course!
And ’cause I defy her
She calls me a liar
My demise she will surely enforce!
You libs knock the Don at your will
But righties are up in your grill
Don’t you ever get sick
Of your narcissist clique
Does it dawn on you that you’re all ill?
You sycophant libs aren’t on board
‘Cause most my lims you’ve abhorred
Well, crap. It’s been fun
But I gotta run
And frame my BEST LIMERICK award!
Dear Mr. Rick,
Steve Bannon has wonderful news!
Impressed with your lib-bashing views,
He’s empowered to proffer
This generous offer:
He’d like you to join Rightfart News.
You remember the nursery rhyme drill,
When two kids took a stroll up a hill?
Seems that Jack tumbled down
And broke off a gold crown,
After Jill got right up in his grill
Power Play Blues
Slim Rick is pursuing a goal,
And he thinks that he’s now on a roll.
But we’re here for the funning
Of rhyming and punning.
That troll should crawl back in his hole.
At the sex shop you have the control
To decide what excites your “flagpole”.
For ten bucks you can watch
A young tart rub her crotch
As she says: “Power to the peep-hole!”
He had finally got her alone
When the power went out. With a moan
He discovered that night
She was quite a delight —
For his circuits weren’t all that got blown.
Mr Rick, I think you’re abusing
Your welcome – perhaps you’ve been boozing?
Your meter and rhymes
Are so poor that they’re crimes, *
And they’re not even faintly amusing.
In fact, they are thoroughly boring;
As limericks, really not scoring.
You’d do better to stick,
Like that consummate prick,
To lying, and golfing, and whoring.
The power-mad fool that you ape
Is perceived as a clown and a jape –
Even worse, he’s still looking,
Between all the hooking,
For thirteen-year-olds he can rape.
Like the Donald, you bore and you bore on.
Do you really expect you will score on
A site full of wit
With a bucket of shit
In praise of your favorite moron?
* “‘Don”, “on” and “yawn” only rhyme if your neck is vermilion – oh, sorry, in words of one syllable, that means “red”.
Open Limerick To “Slim Rick”
Though you hint at a plan to depart,
No one’s crying (or wasting a fart.)
You write lims without wit,
Each a diatribe-fit
Lacking humor and wordplay and heart.
They wanted to take a refreshing shower
And smell just like a spring time flower
But when they got in
Much to their chagrin
The plumber had recklessly turned off the power
Evidently the chances are Slim
Of a troll thinking straight in a lim.
His reasoning power
Declines by the hour —
A 15-watt bulb, glowing dim.
There once was a genius named Phil
Who tossed a lit match on his grill
His briquettes had sheen
From pure gasoline
It’s raining his body parts, still
A powerful boxer named Scott
Got punched in his nose a lot
It dripped on his arm
And he said with alarm
“I thought it was blood but it’s snot.”
Slim Rick is learning the drill
That Libs here just live to grill
Anyone who likes Trump.
On him they will dump
All their venom against Capitol Hill.
Old Carl might have been dense
But he had staying power immense
He took an old slut
To his canvas hut
Where the fucking was in tents
On a short power trip was Greg
Who screwed a blind woman named Peg
“Oh, you’re oversized!”
But he soon realized
That she was just pulling his leg
A man at the town bar and grill
Ate and drank with abandon until
He took note of his weight.
Then he planned his estate,
Proving where there’s a weigh there’s a will.
Our most powerful leader’s mature
And he has a certain allure
What I don’t understand
Is how he could look so grand
But only his hair dresser knows for sure
It’s a policy we can’t afford
Wasting money and lives – it’s abhorred!
So make love and not war
As the saying goes, for
In the penis, more might than the sword.
(Did I forget a space?)
That Greedy Old Party in power
Keeps screwing the poor by the hour.
Those cretinous heels
Want to crash Meals on Wheels
So the rich can have more to devour.
THE SAGA OF SEAN SPICER
He’s getting the ultimate “grill”
Attempting to enforce goodwill
He’s overcome with stress
Frustrated with duress
I think the man needs a pill
My french neighbor often would traipse
Right past my door, dressed in long capes
He’d yell out, “Eez free!
Some pancakes for zee!”
He really just gave me the crepes
The power of the Democrats today has shown its face
They managed to keep Obama Care safely in its place
Any which way
I have to say
The premiums will remain to be a ridiculous disgrace
correction on the saga of Sean Spicer
I think the man needs a PACIFYING pill
Snakes and Ladders! Let’s play! What a thrill!
Will the great new Republican bill
Climb its way to the top —
Or will it just drop
Back to 1 and get burned on the grill?
Throw the dice! Go on, play with a will!
Yes, I know it’s a long shot, but still —
What, you can’t push it through?
Well, you know what to do:
Slide on down, now. You all know the drill.
A deejay with melons sublime
Spun oldies from West Anaheim
Her groupies were sad
When she quit, for she had
The greatest tits of all time
Claire was a mean millionaire
And bullied her meek hubby, Blair
He poisoned the bitch,
Then dumped her in a ditch
“This house is now mine!!” He’d de-Claire.
While having my annual shower
I thought in some depth about power.
And as I suspected
That jerk’s been elected
So you’re stuck with him till the last hour.
The Democrat’s power has shown its face
The kept Obama’s plan in place
Any which way
I have to say
The premiums will still be total disgrace
(A FEWER SYLLABLE IMPROVEMENT)
the premiums will still be A total disgrace
SORRY FORGOT THE A article
Double-category entry:
The fridge and the stove and the grill
Are all useless metal until
Con Ed gives us power —
So why do we glower
When we have to settle the bill?
I’m sick of lean meat on the grill,
Steamed veggies and other such swill!
“Thin” does not equal “cute”
And I don’t give a hoot
For the size of the jeans that I fill.
Come over! There’s steak on the grill,
And beer and martinis. Come chill!
One catch: our discussion
Cannot mention “Russian,”
“The travel ban,” “golf” or “The Bill.”
My worries I’m no longer thinking;
Those cares and concerns are now shrinking.
That Donald Trump mess?
Well, whatever, I guess;
The power of positive drinking!
I met him at the “Grill”
He said I can get a thrill
“Will I see you again?”
“I don’t think so, Ben
My needs he did not fulfill
When buying propane for your grill,
The attendant should know how to fill.
No sparks in the air,
Then handle with care;
Or not – if you’re seeking a thrill.
The Dems will continue to grill
Neil Gorsuch while up on the hill.
So why all the fights?
He backs CORPORATE rights,
But for humans? He cares nearly nil.
Under hot lights they started to grill
A woman whose name they thought Jill.
When seeing the crown,
She replied with a frown,
“Jack’s gone now; I’ve hooked up with Bill.”
Mom no longer says I’m a pill
She has also stopped giving me the grill
Because one night
When the moon was bright
I caught her in bed with Uncle Bill
SUPREME COURT POWER
Will Neil ultimately earn the spot
Or do the Dems have a secret plot
I feel he should
Stay on the bench for good
Because this guy is oh so HOT!
The air last night: Not at all still,
The breeze brought along quite a chill.
But since the heater broke,
And my fire I can’t stoke,
For some warmth, I turned on the grill.
In this please accept ‘fire’ as one syllable. You can pronounce it in such a way that it only has one syllable, and I couldn’t think of anything else to do for line 4.
A Jersey fish lived in a kill,
Eschewing worms–opting for krill.
“Youse guys mark my woid,
I ain’t no early boid,
Dat shit lands yer ass on a grill!”
“Food’s healthier cooked on the grill”,
Says my doc. I’m a man of good will,
So I’m willing to try it,
This healthier diet –
I’d hate to become fat and ill.
Eight rashers of bacon, how thrilling!
Four sausages? Six is more filling.
A couple of steaks …
What a breakfast that makes,
And all of it healthily grilling!
There once was a fellow named Bill
Who worked at the Old Silver Grill
And did more than he oughta
With Manager’s daughter
And so had his dick in the till.
Devin Nunes, an ally of Trump’s,
Has the power to hide all the chumps
In the campaign who knew
How the Russians got through;
His mission: protecting their rumps.
THE POWER OF THE COMMANDER IN CHIEF
He’s cutting clean air
Do you think that’s fair?
We’ll cough and sneeze
Not to mention wheeze
So please my friends: say a prayer
Trixie, my dear cat, had last night
A dinner of pure cat delight!
Gave her fish, duck, and krill,
That I cooked on the grill.
And she’s still pretty stuffed, alright!
😸
Concentration is what you’ll require
If you’re searing some sirloins with fire
On a towering grill
On the top of a hill,
For the steaks will have never been higher.
As I watch each new infantile fit
By His Lowness, the sad orange twit,
I have only one prayer
To Whoever’s Up There:
For the power to not give a shit.
My wallet has dropped through the grille,
And I’m rooting around in the swill
Of the storm-drain, but hell!
It’s now raining as well!
It’s goodbye to my five-dollar bill.
Hates in this life I have several, grills
Grills, a way for women to get their thrills
They’ll buy the best as a toy
Gift for him, plays like a boy
He’s cooking “so fine” while his lady chills
..
No, I’m not being rude, Auntie Jill…
Yes, you are a good driver… but still,
If you must hit a cop,
You’d be wiser to stop
Displaying his pants on your grille!
I once had a Yeti who read
Philosophy over her head.
On Power and Will
I can still hear her grill
Me and scold how I’m dumber than dead.
How dumb can a cooking-show star be
With advice from the chef Brenden Darby?
‘Cause it angers me still —
Food won’t stay on the grill
Ev’ry time I put shrimp on the barbie!
Oh, my father would get such a thrill
When in charge of the coal-burning grill
He’s forgotten to pluck
The charred barbecue duck
And our guests were all stuck with the bill!
If a man beats a woman, he’s nuts
Let’s hope Karma will visit the putz
He’ll be met down the hill
Face to face with the grill
Of a Mac truck, and spill all his guts.
I am probably going insane
Cook my skin and it pleases my brain
I just can’t get my fill
Getting burned on the grill
Not enough, so I still need pro-pain.
Though you’ll feel like a ship that is sinking
Stop that hangover — just keep on drinking
Doing that has its flaws
But it’s for a good cause
That’s the power of positive thinking!
It’s a man’s world, and though he has power
In just minutes, all that can go sour
If he’s mean, she’ll forsake
Fam’ly jewels till they ache
Then he’ll just have to take a cold shower.
Stay away from those mean lightning bolts
Each one’s power has one billion volts
Getting hits from the blitz
Really can be the pits
You’ll be having the shits with your jolts.
There’s a shill full of ill will named Phil
He’s as tactless as bits in a drill
His insulting is snide
But he takes it in stride
The boy’s fit to be tied to a grill!
We bought a “state of the art” fancy grill
Then threw on the steaks and went up the hill
We dashed to Costco
Made it pronto
And came home to a single kosher dill
It’s essential to sear on the grill
Trump’s surrogate up on the hill.
Devin Nunes can’t hide
From the dumb stunt he tried:
Obstruct with intention to kill.
The vicar, Reverend Oakes,
(a lecher, like lots of the blokes)
Is cogent, but caring,
Likes to ‘soothe’ the despairing
This pastor does more than lay folks
What a night! He remembers it still.
Sam sought whiskey, and sex at ‘The Grille’.
Two sweet women picked him
(They were pals from his gym)
And by dawn, each had gotten her fill.
As the Spring comes to life to surround me
Still, the concrete has callously found me
Through a crack sprouts a flower
It’s Nature’s great power
That always knows how to astound me!
GRILL entry:
I said to my wife, “This is swill!
Okay, I admit – overkill.
Now alak and alas,
I don’t get any ass,
And must eat at Joe’s Bar and Grill.
I roasted my spouse on the grill,
Then bumped off my dad for a thrill,
Then murdered a teacher,
Two cops and a preacher!
(Today is the first of a-PRIL.)
Oooohhhhh, fingers crossed!! Cross your finger, everyone!
And may the best poet(s) win! 🏆
*your fingers
Power limerick
“I’m elected, I rose to the top.
None of you losers could stop
Me from being the chief.”
But it’s my firm belief
You will be a calamitous flop.
My GRILL limerick is here:
Always an Audience – A lecture inflated may best be vacated.
Since the deadline is over, it is now all up to Mad. I wish you all the best of luck, and, once again, fingers crossed, all of you! May the best poets win!
****
From MBK: You still have a few hours left. The deadline is tonight, Saturday, at 10 PM Eastern.
Never felt l was over the hill
(Though I’m bald and lost most of my grill),
Until summer break
When I barbecued steak
Now it’s fall and I’m gumming it still
We bought an expensive grill
Then we went up the hill
The steaks were burned
And never unturned
Dinner was a plump kosher dill
Reflections on a judicial confirmation hearing
In the terrible sub-zero chill,
The trailer’s brakes frozen, and still
The driver stays put
‘Til he can’t feel his foot.
Then he leaves, lest they probate his will.
“You’re fired,” says the boss, with voice shrill.
“You can’t leave your load; that’s the drill.”
“That’s right,” Gorsuch nods,
“The laws words are like God’s.”
Which is why he was put on the grill.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is… Limerick-Off Award 274.
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Power-Themed Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Buy.
My POWER limerick is here:
Boundary Busters – Boisterous bundles can become bold beings
Thanks for the prompt!