Hubby Mark savors films that are sappy,
And what’s crappy to ME makes him happy.
He’ll be glued to the screen
At the mushiest scene,
While I mentally keen, “Make it snappy!”
Archive for December, 2016
Married To a Mush-Meister (Limerick)
Monday, December 26th, 2016Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SIGN at the end of any one line
Saturday, December 24th, 2016It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SIGN at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to RESOLUTIONS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best RESOLUTIONS-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on January 8, 2017, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, January 7, 2017 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
When a gal asked a guy, “What’s your sign?”
He responded, “You’re way out of line!
“Don’t be nosy,” he cried.
“You just blew it,” she sighed.
No one scores with that Scorpio whine.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (267)
Saturday, December 24th, 2016It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAVID REDDEKOPP, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
It’s clear that I haven’t a clue
How to clean out a chimney. It’s true;
When I tried, it instead
Just collapsed on my head.
Now I’m laid up in bed from the flue.
Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the Special PARTY-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
A beekeeper friend of mine, Marty,
Remarked with a laugh that was hearty:
“When a new hive is done,
Bees and I have some fun.
I throw them a house swarming party.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Suzanne Heymann, Tim James, Ken Gosse, Mike Burch, Judith H. Block, David Reddekopp, Richard Campbell, Wendy Playter, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “FLU” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO PARTY LIMERICKS)
Brian Allgar
They were partying; he was so high,
LSD made him think he could fly.
Well, it’s true that he flew
For a second or two,
Till the moment he ran out of sky.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“FLU” RHYME DIVISION)
Suzanne Heymann:
’Tis the season for saying, “Achoo!”
What to do for a cold or a flu?
Drink some honey and lemon
And rest till it’s stemmin’
The coughin’ and phlegmin’ in you.
Tim James:
It was Christmas Eve. Santa was due,
Bearing goodies and gifts, a whole slew.
All my hopes, though, were dashed:
In the chimney he crashed.
I’d forgotten to open the flue.
Ken Gosse:
An old woman who lived in a shoe
Lost her health when they all caught the flu,
Found a book in her cupboard
By ol’ L Ron Hubbard,
And soon lost her life savings too.
Brian Allgar:
The hooker appeared ill at ease;
Her client had started to sneeze.
He was catching the flu!
Far too risky to screw,
So she stayed at arm’s length on her knees.
Mike Burch:
A fly with the flu foully flew
Up my nose — thought I’d die — had to sue!
Now I’m out of my mind
Cuz the trial judge declined
My lawsuit; I’d “failed to achoo.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (PARTY LIMERICK DIVISION)
Judith H. Block:
The parties! The booze and the food!
The laughter; The fun, festive mood!
More platefuls? Why, YES!
Though it’s all in excess.
Can’t refuse them ’cause that would be rude!
Tim James:
We met at a New Year’s soirée,
Drinking wine till we got enivré.
Such a sweet mademoiselle,
And a fille oh so belle!
And the way she could French made my day.
David Reddekopp
We thought that the party was super
And we drank ourselves into a stupor.
Then in came the dog
To drop a large log;
That bitch was a big party pooper.
Richard Campbell:
It’s a party, a bash, and a binge;
An affair and a fête — but I cringe.
And my ire will ignite,
If Trump dares to invite
All his friends from the lunatic fringe.
Wendy Playter:
A party is not where it’s at
When you’re wearing an introvert’s hat.
So when it gets loud,
I exit the crowd
And I sneak off to go pet the cat.
Dave Johnson:
Her mother said “Yes, you should go;
Perhaps you might meet a new beau.”
At the party, she sighs;
The available guys
Act like Larry and Curly and Moe.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
A Holiday For Short Women? (Limerick)
Wednesday, December 21st, 2016I’m acknowledging “Short Girl Appreciation Day” reluctantly, because of my aversion to the word “girl” when applied to grown women. Now if they changed it to “Short Woman Appreciation Day,” I’d be a lot more enthusiastic.
Though I stand at a measly five feet,
And in height-fights I’m easy to beat,
Some assume that I’m taller;
A word-spewing brawler
Like me couldn’t be small or petite.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FLU, FLEW, or FLUE at the end of any one line
Saturday, December 10th, 2016It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FLU, FLEW, or FLUE at the end of any one line. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to PARTIES, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best PARTY-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on December 25, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, December 24, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here are my two sample limericks:
I never get shots for the flu.
It’s just something I don’t like to do;
I’m convinced they won’t work,
And I’ll feel like a jerk
When succumbing to germs from the queue.
and
I’m hoping you won’t misconstrue
This as telling you what you should do:
Our abode smells of smoke,
Which isn’t a joke.
Did you choke off our fireplace flue?
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (266)
Saturday, December 10th, 2016It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
I know you’ve been naughty, not nice,
By indulging your energy vice.
My traditional role
Is to leave you some coal,
But you’d burn it and there goes the ice.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins the Special SHOPPING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
On Black Friday they heeded the call
To Go Buy! They jammed in, wall-to-wall.
Trampling, mayhem and fights
Are the ample delights
Of tradition: The Great Shopping Maul.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Robert Schechter, Brian Allgar, Suzanne Heymann, Jeanine Silverio, Konrad Schwoerke, Tim James, Wendy Playter, Linda Ann Nickerson, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“ICE” RHYME DIVISION)
Kirk Miller:
The new skating rink blueprints are nice,
But they carry a very high price.
Funding’s frozen and they
Say expect a delay,
So the architect’s put it on ice.
Robert Schechter:
An Eskimo asked, “What advice
Would you give me to help me entice
A woman in Gnome
To come into my home?”
I said, “You must first break the ice.”
Brian Allgar:
If your wife asks for helpful advice
About jeans she’s just purchased, think twice.
“Do they make me look fat?”
“Only slightly.” Then, splat!
Now I’m soothing my eye with some ice.
Suzanne Heymann:
I once had a head full of lice,
And a friend said, “Just freeze ’em with ice.
Simply stick your whole head
On the Knik River bed.”
Now I’m buried and dead. (Great advice!)
Jeanine Jamero Silverio:
For you couples all looking to spice
Up your love life, well here’s some advice:
Think your wife’s down to earth
And cares not for net worth?
She’ll get hot for two carats of ice.
Konrad Schwoerke:
My mail-order bride wasn’t nice.
Said my legerdemain was a vice,
And magicians are lame,
So I’m hardly to blame
For turning the bitch into ICE.
Tim James:
A plumber tried breaking the ice
With the lady next door. She was nice,
And she made her needs plain.
So he snaked out her drain.
She was thoroughly satisfied. Twice.
Wendy Playter:
A mob boss named Sugary Ned
Liked baked goods and one day he said,
“It would be very nice
If this cake got some ice!”
(And later the cake turned up dead.)
Robert Schechter:
When you die, if you pay a high price
They avow they will put you on ice
And thaw you someday
The moment that they
Are able, so you can live twice.But don’t bother, my friend. I will bet you
There’s little this process will net you,
For even if they
Could cure you someday
It’s more likely by far they’d forget you.
Linda Ann Nickerson:
My neighbor’s demeanor’s like ice.
He gives answers unkind, imprecise.
He’ll stop, stand, and stare
With nary a care,
And he won’t take his own bad advice.When pigs fly, he’ll pick up his trash,
And he may even burn up his stash.
The scents from his deck
Bounce like a bad check,
So daily our teeth we do gnash.And still, as he passes, I wave,
But hope he’ll go back in his cave.
He won’t be ignored,
For he’s head of the Board,
So all of us have to behave.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (SHOPPING LIMERICK DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
The shop-lifting queen often gloats
Of the number of items she totes.
“I’m thin before thieving,
But fat when I’m leaving –-
Five sweaters, four skirts, and three coats.”
Dave Johnson:
They ordered a fancy new phone
Delivered by Amazon drone.
The service was fast,
But left them aghast;
Their chimney’s a dropping-off zone.
Suzanne Heymann:
Have you ever seen some woman shopping,
While her man tags along with store-hopping?
He’s there holding her bags,
While she tries on new rags.
On and on he just lags without stopping!How about, at the end of the day,
She should let him just have his own way;
He will tell her, “I dare
You to put on and wear
Just your birthday suit there on display!”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Where Have All The Good Chocolate Bars Gone? (Limerick)
Friday, December 9th, 2016I would love a good chocolate bar,
But most of it tastes under par.
Are my standards too strict?
I confess, I feel licked;
Find a bonbon unmarred? None so far!
