A farmer who tried to produce
A plausible, timely excuse
For gambling away
His nest egg, today
Came up empty, self-cooking his goose.
Happy Goose Day! (September 29)
Archive for September, 2016
Goose Day (Limerick)
Thursday, September 29th, 2016Celebrate Punch Day? Not Me!
Tuesday, September 20th, 2016Serving punch at your party or brunch?
It won’t go with whatever we munch.
You apparently think
It’s a heavenly drink,
But it’s not. Please desist. Thanks a bunch.
Happy Punch Day!
Limerick Gibberish
Tuesday, September 20th, 2016It’s Gibberish Day, which seems silly;
Throwing language around willy-nilly
Doesn’t make any sense
And it’s sickening. Hence,
Of such talk I’m constrained to speak illy.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: FRAME at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, September 17th, 2016It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using FRAME at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to EXERCISE, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best EXERCISE-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on October 2, 2016 right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, October 1, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
An artist was caught in a frame,
Which painted him worthy of blame;
When a woman was killed,
Some blood that was spilled
Helped to pigment his portrait “Dead Dame.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (261)
Saturday, September 17th, 2016It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
“I think that I thought that I thunk,”
Said Descartes, “but perhaps it was bunk.
If I am when I think,
What occurs when I drink?
Well, I think that I therefore am drunk.”
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins the Special Boating-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
While launching his boat with a Hummer,
He struts like he’s King of the Summer.
Now ready to go,
The Speedo will show
His love life must be a real bummer.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Brian Allgar, Diane Groothuis, Mike Burch, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, and Ken Gosse. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BUNK/DEBUNK” RHYME DIVISION)
Tim James:
In the novel I’m reading, a hunk
Has a girlfriend who fondles his junk.
When they started to pet
I broke out in a sweat.
Now excuse me. I’ll be in my bunk.
Brian Allgar
The Captain was thoroughly drunk,
And was bonking a bird in his bunk.
They were suddenly wet,
But it wasn’t from sweat –
In his absence, the liner had sunk.
Diane Groothuis:
Last ev’ning I lay on my bunk,
Quite tired and also quite drunk.
As I pondered and mused,
I became quite confused;
What WAS I? A nun or a monk?
Mike Burch:
There’s something I’d like to debunk:
The GOP’s not in a “funk.”
The Donald, by choice,
Is its unfiltered voice.
Vote for someone who’s sane, or we’re sunk!
Dave Johnson:
On vacation, we’re caught in a funk;
Our Airbnb place is junk.
On a faraway isle,
We’re told with a smile:
“You both have to sleep in de bunk.”
David Reddekopp:
I’m a hunk in a funk when I’m drunk.
Who’da thunk it? My junk, it has shrunk.
It won’t even unfurl,
So I can’t get a girl.
Now I’m sunk – can’t spelunk in my bunk.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (BOATING LIMERICK DIVISION)
Ken Gosse:
As youngsters, we learned, “Row, Row, Row,”
With no limit on how far to go.
Now older, strength fails:
With no outboard or sails,
We’ll find our return needs a tow.
Tim James:
About boating I haven’t a clue.
What do fo’c’s’les and mizzen masts do?
Tell me why the main bounds
And on what the surf pounds.
And just why on a head would you poo?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Filed under Contests, Limerick Award Winners, Limerick Of The Week, Limerick Writing Contest
Happy Defy Superstition Day – Sept. 13
Tuesday, September 13th, 2016I wrote this limerick in honor of Defy Superstition Day:
On this day, let’s defy superstitions;
We should spurn all those stern admonitions
About opals, black cats,
Mirrors, ladders, and hats.
Play it safe, though: Avoid politicians.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BUNK or DEBUNK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Sunday, September 4th, 2016It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using BUNK or DEBUNK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to BOATING, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best BOAT-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on September 18, 2016, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, September 17, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
The media’s drowning in junk;
Scams and falsehoods it fails to debunk.
Though we’re succored by Snopes,
We’re still suckered like dopes,
And on hoaxes and dupery drunk.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (260)
Sunday, September 4th, 2016It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to SUZANNE HEYMANN, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
A loud unmistakable quack
Could be heard from inside of the sack.
Well, there’s my potluck;
Just a small Peking duck
Through the opening, looking right back.
Congratulations to KONRAD SCHWOERKE, who wins the Special HEAT-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
When it’s hot, he removes all his clothes,
Which is not so bizarre I suppose.
Then he’ll oil his bod,
Which is still not too odd,
But he does the same thing when it snows.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Charley Simmons, Will T. Laughlin, Dave Johnson, Konrad Schwoerke, Tim James, David Reddekopp, Lien Bazardien, and Marty Gerendasy. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SACK” RHYME DIVISION)
Brian Allgar:
“He was trapped in a tight cul-de-sac
With the Mafia hot on his back.
With one bound, he was free …”
I am sure you’ll agree
That the author’s a second-rate hack.
Charley Simmons:
When the drunk got a gal in the sack,
He laughed and said “Babe you’ve no rack.
There’s no hair on your cookie,
But give me some nookie.”
She answered him: “GET OFF MY BACK!”
Will T. Laughlin:
A Dudelsackpfeifer* (a hack)
Played for years without getting the knack.
One morning his wife
Got her hands on a knife
And cut off both his Dudel and Sack.
*Dudelsackpfeifer = bagpipe player
Dave Johnson:
A ranch-owning gal from Omak*
Spends most afternoons on her back.
Young cowboys her steed,
To her spread they stampede
For the ride of their lives in the sack.
*The Omak Stampede is a famous rodeo held in Washington state.
Konrad Schwoerke:
We all wanted to shag this guy Zack,
So we four took him back to our shack.
I felt somewhat forsaken;
His good parts were taken.
I was left, sadly, holding the sack.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (HEAT-LIMERICK DIVISION)
Tim James:
Young Nellie, a beauteous belle,
Was more lovely than any could tell.
She was fine, without doubt,
But the word soon got out
That her sister was hotter than Nell.
David Reddekopp:
The couple upstairs, always sweating
Is making a mess of their bedding.
But our bedding is neat;
We don’t generate heat,
And it really is rather upsetting.
Will T. Laughlin:
I’d a lim’rick, believe it or not,
With a double-entendre on “hot.”
But the heat of the day
Burned my wits all away,
And — whatever it was — I forgot.
Lien Bazardien:
A nudist called Bella Corelli
Had multiple rolls on her belly.
Her very best treat
In the Summer’s great heat
Was posing for Sir Botticelli.
Marty Gerendasy:
When the temps hit a hundred degrees,
And you long for a nice cooling breeze,
You can feel that it seems
There are just two extremes;
It’s like either you swelter or freeze!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
