Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SEAL or CONCEAL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using SEAL or CONCEAL at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to FRIENDSHIP, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best FRIENDSHIP-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on May 1, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 30, 2016 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
We’re not buying your bid to conceal
Your role in the heist, so no deal.
You should have been straight.
Now your lies seal your fate.
We can prove you were wielding the wheel.
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
I think I’m beginning to feel
A big bulge that I just can’t conceal.
Need to give it a whirl,
But I can’t find a girl,
So I may have to temper my zeal.
A good friendship is really a pleasure,
Lots of good times you always will treasure.
Having someone to care
And to always be there
Is a gift that is way beyond measure.
I thought I was getting a deal
‘Cause it had the Good Housekeeping Seal.
But much to my surprise
It just came in one size,
So it suddenly lost its appeal.
Revised version!
All that money she’d hoped to conceal
No longer seems such a good deal.
That disquieting heat
From her head to her feet
Is the burn that she’s starting to feel.
The hooker tried hard to conceal
Her disdain at the sight of his “eel”,
So pathetically small;
When he said “Take it all”,
It was more of a snack than a meal.
Rhyme + friendship
My friend was a lecherous heel,
But I never believed he would steal
A girl-friend of mine.
Well, he did! What a swine!
So now I’ve a corpse to conceal.
The bimbo could barely conceal
Her surprise when the pastor said “Kneel!
And now let us pray”,
For she thought he said “play”,
And she did so with lip-smacking zeal.
Said my friend, “I’m away for the night;
Please check that my wife is all right.”
Well, what are friends for?
So I knocked on her door,
And she offered me more than a bite.
Her body’s as sleek as a seal,
And her smile has a sexy appeal
That says “Do me right now!”
I’d be willing, and how!
… If only the photo were real.
There once was a deaf Navy Seal
Who was noted for valor and zeal.
When they said “Kill Osama”
He misheard “Kill Obama”,
But refused. The Republicans squeal.
She made no attempt to conceal
Her assets. Made horny guys squeal.
It wasn’t her plan
Lured the wrong kind of man
Their intentions, too quick to reveal.
A lustful guy could not conceal
An erection that was hard as steel.
So he told each Miss
“I want more than a kiss-
At least you see just how I feel!”
“As pastor, I cannot conceal
God’s ecstasy, I will reveal!
The gateway to Heaven
Will start at eleven…
Be prompt and for more than prayer, kneel.”
They make no attempt to conceal
Their scorn for those to whom they appeal.
The pols think that we’re dumb,
Maybe right about some.
Pay attention-see what they reveal.
She obeys like a dog or trained seal
Sits beside him when he tells her “Heel!”
Well if he keeps it up
She might poison his cup
Or put laxatives in his next meal.
As she finished preparing a meal
Which included potatoes and veal
Her man disapproved
When the salad – it moved
With cockroaches she couldn’t conceal.
Friends are the family you choose
When your relatives give you the blues
You need loyalty, trust
Kindness, love is a must
And respect which they’ll never abuse.
Something fits like a hand in a glove
When friendship + lust = love
Just don’t overdo it
Or you might break through it
So don’t let the push come to shove.
The best friends you’ll find on this earth
Who make you feel you still have worth
Are your pets; they’re the thing
That’ll make your heart sing
All the joy that they bring starts from birth.
They will lick your sore wounds if you bleed
Always ready to do a good deed
Like a gift from above
Unconditional love
They give, knowing whatever you need.
They don’t backstab like human friends can
Or borrow and crash your sedan
They don’t mess with your honey
Or snaffle your money
Or use you, or lie, scheme or plan.
There is only one thing that is wrong
And that is, their lives aren’t that long
When it’s time for goodbye
I’ll just sit there and cry
And allow myself not to be strong.
Friendship + conceal
Here’s proof which I cannot conceal
That DOG as man’s best friend is real
Now here’s what you do
Lock the dog and wife too
In the trunk of your automobile.
Let two hours pass by, that’s the deal
And now open the trunk and reveal
(though I’d NOT want to BE you)
Who’s happy to see you?
(If you’re lucky, your marriage will heal.)
The thought of his smile made her squeal.
She loved how his touch made her feel.
But he broke her heart,
And so, they must part.
She nailed down his coffin, to seal.
At Marine Mammal Center I feel
That my sex life I just should conceal.
But I went in a panic
When my auto mechanic
Said, “Buddy, you just blew a seal!”
After lunch, Kenny Rogers could feel
Nature’s call. The loo wasn’t ideal.
The foul floor was all slicked
And he wisecracked, “You picked
A fine time to leave me, loo’s seal.”
His Majesty presses his seal
On the orders; there’ll be no appeal.
“Let the axeman begin”,
He says. “Poor Anne Boleyn
Will give head for the last time, I feel.”
Thanks for the prompt!
OK, I am DQ’ed this week, because I came up with several stanzas of AABB verse, rather than a limerick.
But here it is:
Overshares and unawares
Lois Lane was purported to squeal,
“Ain’t it grand spandex tights can’t conceal
My guy’s super-sized bulge
I’m compelled to indulge
As it stiffens to manhood of steel.”
Take a guess at which Navy Seal
May still run for POTUS- for real
If no Trump or no Bern
Jesse says he’ll take his turn
At a Ventura Capitol deal
Oh Canada, let’s make a deal;
Forever our friendship we’ll seal.
It involves a big trade,
Historically made;
With each party proclaiming a steal.
This agreement might raise a big fuss;
But believe it – for both it’s a plus.
Two Justins we’ll do;
Here’s Bieber for you
And you’re giving Trudeau to us.
Nicely Mad!
To Dave Johnson:
Oh USA, time to reveal
Why we feel that this deal we can’t seal
Born and raised a Canuck
Was each Justin (what luck!)
Then we gifted you Bieber, for real!
Returning a gift is quite rude
To trade it shows ingratitude
Oh can’t you see how
He is one of you now?
We don’t want to be part of a feud.
To Suzanne Heymann:
Oh Canada, here’s what you lack;
Justin Bieber we’ll be hauling back.
In very short order,
Up there at the border;
He’ll arrive in a new gunny sack.
To Dave Johnson:
Oh USA, sacks don’t conceal
And Canadian border guards feel
That you need to be taught
They’re too smart and will not
Allow back here that schmaltzy schlemiel.
REVELATION
John of Patmos sits down to his meal
Of wild mushrooms. His brain starts to reel:
He sees angels, with wings,
Bearing terrible things,
Each sealed with a magical seal.
Yes, under each seal is a curse
For ending the whole Universe.
The First Seal alone
Would be bad on its own,
But each grows progressively worse.
There’s Jesus, his mouth full o’ swords,
Obeying each whim of the Lord’s…!
With God’s Seal Team Seven
Descending from Heaven,
The sinners shall perish in hordes.
The stars tumble out of the skies,
And misshapen monsters arise.
The seas turn to blood,
And the mountains to mud,
And pretty much ev’ry one dies.
Devastation is clearing the maps
As Gabriel comes to play Taps…
So John writes his tome
And then sends it to Rome
(And I’ll bet it was WRITTEN ALL CAPS!!!1!!).
CON SORDINO
A lovely young lass named Lucille
When aroused makes a very loud squeal.
But we’ve found sixty-nine
Tends to mute her just fine
(Which, for me, is one heck of a deal).
@Marty, #1
CONSEQUENCES:
I think I’m beginning to feel
A big bulge that I just can’t conceal…
For I ran into Marty
One night at a party,
And totally fell for his spiel!
If zombies were actually real
My fear would be hard to conceal
They’re scarier than frowns
On those perverted clowns
Because they’ll make you their meal
From there you will no longer feel
You’d even munch on Aunt Lucille
And it also won’t hurt
To have Sis for desert
But if I’m lucky there’s Jessica Beal
In the end, though, my fate they’ll seal
A bullet to the head is not a big deal
Take me away in a hearse
You know it could be worse
They could make me read my own spiel
A childhood friend, back where I’m from
Turned out to be nothing more than scum
He slipped my wife his log
While there petting my dog
Now it’s sharks who are calling him chum
Suspicious of his fiancée,
My friend dreaded his time spent away.
He asked me, “Old pal,
Please look after my gal.”
Which I did, with great glee, night and day.
Upon his return, he inquired
Why I seemed so fullfilled yet so tired.
I answered, “My friend,
You can always depend
On your buddy to do what’s required.”
This cuckold is now worry-free
And leaves all her minding to me.
They had a white wedding
Yet still I am bedding
His bride altruistically.
To Will T. Laughlin:
GASSOSO ESPRESSIVO
Quite gassy, our darling Lucille
Found flatulence hard to conceal
And while she blew Otto
Her toot obligato
Created a sweet fartenspiel.
To Suzanne Heymann:
Oh Canada, please don’t refuse
This offer; our friendship we’ll lose.
In exchange for Trudeau,
We’re willing throw
In Bill Shatner, along with Ted Cruz.
To Dave and Suzanne (with a nod to William Shatner):
To boldly go get you a room
Is a mission you two should assume.
Enterprising teamwork
That includes James T. Kirk
Sets bilateral commerce abloom.
We tried to conceal
A tryst so surreal
But I forgot the bags
With the fancy price tags
That Macy’s ad claimed “Superbly Unreal”
To a Quaker he knows, the man sends
Christmas gift that he later defends.
Their sacred Society
Asserts impropriety,
But the Quakers contend they’re just Friends.
He skipped school with a boy he befriended,
And did bungee jumps ’til the day ended.
But the folks at his school
Didn’t think that was cool,
And so both of them got suspended.
Said the boy, “I sure didn’t intend
To cause trouble. Don’t want to offend.”
“What my homey does mean,”
Said his pal to the dean,
“I just wanted to hang with my friend.”
There once was a playwright named Heather
With writer’s block; didn’t know whether
To get help from a friend.
But she did. In the end,
He helped get her act together.
My face shouldn’t ever be smacked.
My friends and I made a nice pact
To give noogies instead
On the top of our head,
Although it’s a knucklehead act.
Ray Charles wasn’t hard to amuse.
He’d duck hunt with nothing to lose.
All his friends he’d invite;
They were really a sight.
A duck blind is what they would use.
One day after shooting a duck,
Its feathers he quickly did pluck.
All Ray’s friends said, “My word!
How’d you bring down that bird?”
He replied, “It was simply blind luck.”
Stevie Wonder, his friend, said to me,
“I suppose that you all will agree
Mr. Charles has a gift.
Understand? Get my drift?
Ray is certainly something to see.”
There once was a fellow named John
Whose friend Donald gave him a hard-on.
It was truly a sight,
John’s erection all night.
He’s aroused by the Crack of Don.
Don’t ever try to conceal
Your very sultry appeal
For some enchanted evening
When you see him leaving
Run fast so your bosoms reveal
My dearest pal Faye
Is a friend “all the way”
But when she became a he
It never bothered me
And we were married on Moonlight Bay
My friend is a competent clerk
But she has an annoying quirt
When she asks me for cash
I make a mad dash
To a place where my I-phone won’t work
A friendship is based on trust
But sometimes you feel you must
Tell her her breath
Could make you sick to death
And, by the way” Comb you hair; it’s all mussed”
Not a Duplicate:
My friend is a competent clerk
But she has an annoying QUIRK
When she asks me for cash
I make a make a mad dash
To a place where my I-phone won’t work
To Dave Johnson:
Oh USA, get your facts sorted
Both Shatner and Cruz we exported
You wanted them so
Now you don’t? Yes or no?
Your new game plan seems somewhat distorted.
Why the need to acquire Trudeau?
He’s the King of our land, don’t you know?
You just can’t uproot him
We can’t substitute him
All countries need leaders, hello!
Are you having a ‘good-leader’ slump?
All your options you’re ready to dump?
Clinton, Sanders and Cruz
Do they give you the blues?
Or they fail to amuse, like the Trump?
To Suzanne Heymann:
Alas, you’ve deciphered our deal;
Good candidates we’d have to steal.
Our options are few;
We need someone new.
Desperation we cannot conceal.
It’s now down to Clinton or Trump;
Cruz happily hit a big bump.
Sanders still lurks;
But the way this thing works,
He would need a miraculous jump.
So our trade was a viable fix;
One way to sneak by the old tricks.
Now without any help,
Most voters will yelp
“It sucks here in 2016…”
You’ve my sympathies, poor Yankee friend
I’m sorry that’s all I can send
But maybe if you
Moved up north, then you too
Could enjoy the Trudeau trademark trend.
Young Johnny drove off with Camille
In his rickety automobile.
Car broke down. She went down.
What was blown south of town?
Johnny’s stones, wad and tyre and a seal.
NOT A DUPLICATE
My friend, Lou Ann is a competent clerk
However, she has an annoying quirk
When she asks me for cash
I make a mad dash
To a DISTANT place where my iPhone won’t work
Johnny Manziel can’t conceal
His lack of professional zeal.
Two agents he hired
Have told him “You’re fired!”
This NFL train wreck is real.
Perhaps he should seek a new job
Where there aren’t any footballs to lob.
The Trump camp provides
For his true bona fides:
An asshole who stirs up the mob.
Last week I married a seal
He was shiny and glossy with much sex appeal
But his flippers went back
So we were out of whack
We had it annulled; no big deal
I carefully made sure to seal
A letter to the judge with my appeal
I work on the street
It’s killing my feet
Can’t you give me a special deal?
I carefully made sure I would conceal
The money I made on ‘Let’s Make A Deal”
But when I paid my tax
To the very max
I was back eating beans at every meal
The red carpet will rarely conceal
Starlets’ flesh and their raw sex appeal.
An excess of cleavage
And boobular heavage
Beguiles us: What’s fake and what’s real?
In Seattle, there once was a seal
Named Herschel; mass salmon he’d steal
At the Locks every day;
They needed a way
For an Orca to make him a meal.
That “Kiss from a Rose” song by Seal,
Is a great one for closing the deal.
Just turn it on low
When she’s feeling the glow
To enhance your seductive appeal.
He feigns that his friendship is real
While really, he is just a heel
Took blooms on a lark
Purloined from the park
In order to be served a meal
I knew that her passion was real
When she started to bark like a seal,
Moaning, squirming with bliss.
And the reason for this?
Gucci pumps at half price! Such a deal!
He trims the leaves to conceal
The wrongful act (what a deal)
Handing them over
Garnished with clover
All the while grinning with zeal
Count Dracula sometimes may feel
A tormented contriteness to seal
With a kiss those love bites
Punctuating hot nights
As he savors his long bloody meal.
Two fishing guides – Brody and Gator;
School buddies from down in Decatur.
They both have a skill
To jack up the bill;
One troller and one master baiter.
At “Golden China” the special was seal
I must say it had a certain appeal
I took a bite
Something wasn’t quite right
It didn’t have that kosher feel
Lucille used her rod and her reel
To catch fish, which she did a great deal
Massive loads she’d insert
Underneath her big skirt
Where Lucille would conceal her pet seal.
Nearby folks would hear crunching and munching
And they’d swear something there must be lunching
A tail that stuck out
From her hem proved no doubt
Why her skirt flung about and was bunching.
One witness just could not conceal
What he thought of this whole fishy deal
He thought it immoral
And guessed it was oral –
A different kind of a meal.
What appears to be concrete and real
Is chaotic confusion and zeal
Folks don’t have the gumption
To test their assumption
Of actions of one little seal.
So what do bikinis conceal?
A part of a young baby’s meal
And further below
Hardly covered, you know
What an entrance/some exits reveal.
A old harlot who used oatmeal
Said it helped her clients a great deal:
“They enjoy the effects
During vigorous sex
As they get a much better seal”.
A mermaid let out a big squeal
When waking, post party, with a seal.
Said the seal “Never fret,
We just had a light pet,
The real damage was done by the eel.”
Here’s a ‘Combo’ using ‘Friendship’ and ‘Conceal’:
As a friend you have lost your appeal.
You just lie, and you cheat, and conceal
that you’re bedding my wife.
(for most of my life)
What’s the deal, are you simply a heel?
The thong Thelma wears can’t conceal
Her stupendously hot buns of steel.
Thelma warns, “Since they’re bare
You’re invited to stare
But I’ll pummel those copping a feel!”
She texted an amorous friend;
Too bad that she quickly hit “send”.
‘Cause auto-fill wrote
That he smelled like a goat;
A message she failed to amend.
He answered right back “What is this?
Your way of destroying our bliss?
If that is the case,
My back you will face
Along with the ass you can kiss.”
My date said he was a Navy Seal
I thought it was a great big deal
He ate like a pig
Wore a mop for a wig
Turns out he was a big schlemiel
In the Oregon city of Bend,
It’s easy to find a new friend.
On bikes or on skis,
During hikes in the trees,
“Hi there” is an ongoing trend.
Intending a partial reveal
The stripper applied too much zeal
Whilst dancing she tripped
Her knickers, they ripped
Twas way more than she could conceal
There once was a wanker named Neil
Who’d trot out in trunks that were teal
But he was a loner
His big, bulbous boner
The Spandex could scarcely conceal.
NOT A DUPLICATE
I made sure to conceal
What I won on “Lets Make A Deal”
When I paid my tax
To the very max
I’m back to beans at every meal
Blown a Seal
A grouper griped, “it is surreal –
Depositing eggs aren’t ideal.
I can swallow whole fishes
But my one fervent wish is
To deep throat an elephant seal.”
FRIEND | ANY RHYME SCHEME
“The Ravin’ ” after “The Raven ” by “Edgar Allen Poe”
Once upon a teenage revel, while we danced to beat the devil,
In an afterhours dive that once had been a holy place —–
While we shimmied, smoothly spinning, suddenly Steph started grinning
As of some one sweetly sinning, spinning like a moon in space.
“‘She’s just peaking,” I figured, “sinning with a fevered grace–
Sex and drugs and disco bass.”
Indistinctly I remember it was in the bleak December
The past year dim, a dying ember stomped to ash by boots we wore.
“Happy New Year!” we were screaming; whirling ’til our sweat was streaming,
Naked men with torsos gleaming – dreaming of a flawless score
In the dark and secret cubbies nestled on the upper floor
Whispers burning like phosphor.
MadKane: I had an error. Would you mind fixing the title of my FRIEND poem?
“The Ravin’ ” after “The Raven ” by “Edgar Allen Poe”
From MBK: Done.
Said a nasty old fellow from Fife,
“My neighbor is screwing my wife.
He bones the old crone,
So she leaves me alone…
Which makes him my best friend for life!”
@Brian:
I know of a man — his name’s Joseph;
The nicest guy anyone knowseph.
He’s a very good friend,
And on him I depend
Any time I’ve a corpse to disposeph.
Jenna’s my friend from Centralia;
As a Trooper, she’s ready to nail ya.
Her mood is sublime;
But if speeding’s your crime,
You don’t want to see Jenna tail ya.
There once was a fellow named Hutton
(For punishment surely a glutton)
Who’d travel the land
Giving notes out by hand,
Since he wouldn’t “Unfriend” with a button.
Though McDonald’s tries hard to conceal
The industrial taste of the meal,
Fries soften and sag
When they’re left in the bag,
And the hamburgers tend to congeal.
Embarrassed, we cannot conceal
His ego-maniacal spiel.
All mirrors and smoke,
For the world, a bad joke;
The punch line puts Trump at the wheel.
Telling people what they want to hear
Makes your friendships all phony I fear
You’ve just overrated
The uneducated
You think will be your votes this year.
If you waste time at 7-Eleven
On the day that hell sabotaged heaven
The best man for the job
Is a woman, you SOB
‘Cause your brain’s motor function ain’t revvin’.
My dearest friend Roz
Gave me a Baccarat vase
But when the tornado struck
I was out of luck
And now she lives in the Land Of Oz
To seal with a kiss has appeal
For expressing affection you feel.
As a phrase or an act,
There’s no doubting the fact
That it’s better than kissing a seal.
The fine line between friendship and romance
Can be fuzzy unless there’s a slow dance
If you rush in too fast
It’s not hard to forecast
That for messing around, you’ll get NO chance.
Here is something that I recommend
Don’t yet act like a lover, but friend
If she can detect
That you’re showing respect
You’ll get much more than that in the end.
I have got such a deal
You’ll not believe it is real
It works very hard
Dissolving the lard
(It’s got thirty pounds to conceal)
Their commercials don’t have much appeal
I don’t know what they want me to feel
What they sell, no one knows
‘Til the end (oh, it’s clothes)
When it’s marked with an Old Navy seal.
It is quite difficult to conceal
Contempt for a candidate we’ll
Agree (almost all),
Whether hands large or small,
Perfected the Art of the Feel.
Dave and I tried to conceal
our romantic tryst: SO SURREAL!
Then at the bar
There was “Dar”
His wife with Joe, copping a feel
FRIENDSHIP
Husbands and wives should never feel blue
After all, they are “best friends” too
But if you’re feeling bored
You can be assured
A great divorce lawyer is waiting for you
The victim agreed to conceal
But Dennis Hastert’s a heel
He promised a sum
And defaulted (the bum)
Now the victim is suing with zeal.
I got homies and bitches, a crew,
And on Fridays that crew downs a few.
We got game, we be tight
Gotch yo’ back in a fight-
To the kids on our block, we be true.
My boastful young friend named Abdul
Oft brags ’bout the size of his tool
His girlfriend won’t talk
‘Bout the size of his cock,
She always invokes the gag rule
FRIENDSHIP
My best friend won the lottery last night
I was so excited; I hugged her tight
We’re on our way
To the airport today
She says she has a 12 hour flight
A friend indeed did lend me the cash
For my car crushed to a monster mash.
Since then it’s been twenty-
Plus years of no plenty.
That dear friend waits for payback in ash.
My friend, while still single, was fun.
We’d spot a cool guy and we’d run!
But now she’s ten kids
She boils pots with no lids.
If she sees a cute boy, that’s her son.
Said my friend in old England to me,
“I can’t stand this backpack misery.
Let’s just go hitchhike
To meet Tom, Dick or Mike
And make this student trip history!”
If you think Farmer Brown can conceal
What he does in the pigpen with zeal,
Then observe the prick prance
With his hands down his pants,
And listen to all the sows squeal.
A new animal made, called a ‘seel’
Is a cross ‘tween a seal and an eel
Just don’t ask me how
For I did make a vow
It was something I’d never reveal.
Also cloning is part of the deal
Even humans are cloned, I’ll reveal
I confess, there’s a twist
I’m a mad scientist
Much worse secrets I have to conceal.
I’ve been asked by a wealthy big wheel
To create something truly surreal
A human with horse
He got without remorse
For him, centaurs have such an appeal.
There’s one critter, from science, I feel
Should be banned with an unyielding zeal
You’re an evil outsider
If you’re a provider
Of SPIDER, you sly dirty heel!
Many friendships come and go
As time goes by, they help us grow
The ones that last all our lives
Are God’s gift in times of strife
We’re thankful for their love and care
Which keeps us alive from year to year
I close my eyes and say a prayer
That my friend will get the best of care
She has been blind for 20 years, and will
Come as no surprise: that when her time
Is finally here, God will fix her eyes
But it is not time yet, you see
Because I need her and she needs me
So keep her healthy and keep her sound
Please, Lord, that is my plea
CORRECTION
I close my eyes and say a prayer
“Please let my friend have the best of care”
She has been blind for 20 years, and IT will come
As no surprise: that when her time is finally here,
God will fix her eyes.
But it is not time yet, you see
We’re both still footloose and fancy free
“So keep her healthy and keep her sound
Please, Lord, that is my plea”
A financier sought to conceal
His ill gotten gains from a deal
So he stashed his moolah
Down in old Panama
(His conviction is pending appeal)
The draperies split to reveal
The lectern and Prez with his seal.
It’s Donald J. Trump,
That YUGE horse’s rump,
Declaring that he’s made a deal.
“Sarah Palin’s now Russia’s Big Wheel.
In a straight-up trade, Vlad said that he’ll
Be glad to be Veep
And he promised to keep
Snowden’s secrets. Yes this is all real.
“You see, Vlad and I had this urge
For the US and Russia to merge.
And there’s truth to the rumor:
We will soon have a Duma.
We’ve begun the Congressional purge.”
I awoke with a start and a scream.
Now I know that I never should stream
“Dr. Strangelove” in bed.
It plays tricks with my head.
What a terrible, horrible dream!
Friendship:
Though surprised when he learned that his pal
Would be living his life as a gal,
He extended his arms
To her new female charms
’Cause that day his wife said, “Call me Al!”
The job title has its own seal;
With power both massive and real.
One winner will get
A big jumbo jet;
Plus a mansion thrown into the deal.
Let’s see how the finalists rate;
For whom can we mortgage our fate?
There’s a lady harassed
For mistakes in her past
And a blowhard the world loves to hate.
My dearest friend Seal
Is kind and genteel
But if she changed her spelling
She might have a compelling
Relationship with sensual and desirable appeal
I can no longer conceal
The mole on my heel
My podiatrist’s a hunk
With limitless spunk
So I must take my sock off and bravely reveal
A SESSION WITH THE MARRIAGE COUNSELOR
I can no longer conceal
Our unresolved ordeal
She says she has a “pain”
Or a terrible “migraine”
Every night it’s the same old spiel
It’s easier making amends
And avoiding the worst recent trends
Of family strife,
Of threatening life,
If your fam’ly are also your friends.
Or use lines 1 and 5 for a simpler couplet version of friendly advice.
NOT A DUPLICATE
I can no longer conceal
The UNSIGHTLY mole on my heel
My podiatrist’s a hunk
With limitless spunk
So I’ll take off my sock and bravely reveal
His emergence has all the appeal
Of the stench from an overweight seal.
Now Senator Cruz
Has opted to choose
The loser of “Let’s Make a Deal.”
Together, they might have a chance
Had The Donald not chosen to dance.
But fright-wingers said
“Forget Lyin’ Ted;
We’re up for a blowhard bromance…”
She tried very hard to conceal
The stuff bought on credit – unreal!
Clothes, a car, some cologne
Jewels, trips, a smart phone
Will make her spouse reel, I do feel.
They will have to remortgage their house
Either that or live like a churchmouse
That boy ought to, of course
Get a nice, quick divorce
From that dumb, shopaholicky spouse!
(I would have ended it with the word “louse” instead, but that would be insulting the louse species)
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the Friendship-Themed Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners:
Limerick-Off Winners 251.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Case.