Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAID or MISLAID or DELAYED at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LAID or MISLAID or DELAYED at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GREED, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GREED-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 3, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 2 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman whose plane was delayed
Yelled and flew off the handle, then prayed.
Fellow passengers, scared
By her conduct, soon aired
Their dismay: “Help! We plainly need aid!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Air Flight, Airplane Humor, Competition Limerick, Flight Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Passenger Humor, Planes, Poetry & Prompts, Transportation, Travel Humor, Writing Prompts
A man who was normally staid
Had only one goal – getting laid.
So he tried very hard
Using lines from the Bard
But the lady just wished to get paid.
There was a young lady who made
Lots of money with guys getting laid.
But insatiable greed
Made her do one more deed
And that’s when she got caught in a raid.
Their accountant was handsomely paid;
But in time, he apparently strayed.
Many thousands, they say,
Went a prostitute’s way;
It looks like those funds were miss laid.
He crowed as he proudly surveyed
All those lovely young chicks he had laid.
But he felt rather sick
When they each laid a chick –
Gay Hen’s Lib? The old cock was dismayed.
Agreements for so-called ‘free trade’
Will help only the rich, I’m afraid.
Tax breaks for the greedy,
And zilch for the needy.
Your jobs? They have all been waylaid.
My wife phoned to say: “I’m delayed;
“We have guests, so I’ve hired a maid
To set out the table,
And start, if she’s able,
Preparing the beef marinade.”
Well, I have to confess that I strayed.
Though I’m fond of my wife, I’m afraid
That I’m tempted to roam;
By the time she got home,
Both the maid and the table were laid.
(St. Augustine takes a rain-check)
Augustine most piously prayed:
“O Lord, I have always obeyed
Your commands. Make me chaste –
But not yet; let’s not waste
What you gave me until I’ve been laid.”
I can claim to have only one vice.
Anger, envy and pride are not nice,
Nor are gluttony, sloth;
Greed is fouler than both.
But lust – there’s a sin to entice!
Of the seven, I think that indeed
The most deadly of sins must be greed.
I avoid it, I trust,
Though in matters of lust,
There is never as much as I need.
Want to be a good driver? Then heed
The advice to which pros have agreed.
And they all say the same:
If you want driving fame,
Then a crash course is all that you need.
Making money — executives’ creed.
Lack of ethics, a problem indeed.
Money’s love to excess
May not end in success.
What’s the problem? It’s avarice, aGREED?
A thousand mile journey was made
For one purpose – just to get laid.
Then, deflated he sat
In two minutes flat;
Still, the Bunny Ranch had to be paid.
From the company profits he made,
An assistant was hired and paid.
She was sexy and willing
To do more than billing;
By now his best plans have been laid.
The current Republican creed
Has strayed from its previous heed.
R.I.P. G.O.P.
For it’s now P.I.G.
An assembly of Partners In Greed.
From knee pain he wants to be freed.
A surgeon and he have agreed
To cut arthroscopic,
A surgery topic
That says he’s a person in kneed.
When I got home I laid
my keys on the desk I made
it was near the door
but is there no more
now my journey is delayed.
By the road sat a fair maiden named Mislaid
who wrote in her diary she was delayed
because she lost her map
which led to a detour and mishap
that explained why she was becoming afraid.
A comment was mislaid
like it was the Jack O Spade.
The dealer said, “That smart’s,
where’s your queen of hearts?
For now the game is delayed.”
Lie, lay, sit, set and laid
began to speak up but were delayed
because their position
in the composition
was under debate and mislaid.
Greed as a theme:
There once was a handsome young steed *** Better than money is power, indeed
who fed the gamblers need to make more greenbacks and feed.
as he galloped around the track But if this self imposed obsession
the louder they would clap leaves no room for compassion,
like there was no limit to his speed. what alone becomes the need?
When there’s a want or a need Having all you want or need
you better take heed plants a dangerous seed
come hell or high water when without a doubt
a devious plan is the plotter the next desire is clout
while morals, justice and honesty bleed. another obsession you feed.
A guy tried too hard to get laid,
His intentions, too soon, were displayed.
He came on too strong,
Was gross and plain wrong,
His seduction was just poorly made.
A woman tried hard to get laid.
Didn’t want to end up an old maid.
She wore skimpy clothes-
The few that she chose..
Too much of her charms were displayed.
His glasses, again, were mislaid,
He looked everywhere, even prayed.
His search was misled,
They’re on top of his head!
Now where’d he put his hearing aid?
The AMTRAK train’s once more delayed
I’m irked at the high fare I paid.
Gives me more time to read
That I’ll gladly concede.
Though I’m more angered than I’ve conveyed.
If you’re obsessed with infinite greed
You might just get what you need
But one day you’ll see
That the powers that be
Will come back to haunt you indeed
The new patio’s just been laid
A heavy price hubby has paid
I’m done with his lying
There’ll be no more crying
Oh shit, I’ve got blood on the spade
Corporations destroy with their greed,
The masses of folks, they mislead.
Our planet destroyed,
More profits, enjoyed.
Bought pols, any progress, impede.
Oh, when did my sex appeal fade?
I stare at my breakfast, dismayed:
Orange juice gets a squeeze;
Bacon strips (such a tease!),
And the eggs, unlike me, have been laid.
A friend saw that I was afraid
Of a future I hope to evade.
“Don’t worry,” he said,
“If Trump wins, we’re all dead!”
(Thanks a pant-load. My fears are allayed.)
A candidate, out on his tours,
Said this as he spoke to “the poors”:
“I have money, and stuff,
But it isn’t enough —
I won’t rest ’til I take away YOURS.”
The latter-day scions of Greed
Aren’t content to take more than they need:
They’ll squeeze blood from a stone,
And won’t leave it alone
If they think there’s a drop left to bleed.
How can it be subtly conveyed
While remaining decorous and staid…
Got that come hither glow,
He really should know
That all she wants is to get laid.
A new ‘Indy Jones’ has been made
That merits a warm accolade.
Indy brings to their knees
The Republican sleaze,
Right down to the Last Cruz Aide.
I lied when I said I had laid
Seven cheerleaders from the parade
With no outlay for me.
Only six put out free –
The seventh just had to be paid.
He would gorge himself, heap after heap,
Every moment he wasn’t asleep.
This greedy young glutton
Ate huge bowls of mutton
Until he had wolfed the whole sheep.
My flight was 4 hours delayed
So I sipped some cool lemonade
The guy at the stand
Was sinewy and tanned
Boy, am I glad that I stayed
ONE WORD CHANGE
If you’re CONSUMED with limitless greed
You might just get what you need
But one day you’ll see
That the powers that be
Will come back to haunt you indeed
With a mindset that’s stodgy and staid,
Their reaction was sadly delayed.
Now the powers that be
Are scared shitless to see
Trumpzilla’s about to invade.
They see her as quiet and staid;
Some joke that she’ll never get laid.
But they wouldn’t know
That her website will show
Those assets for which she gets paid.
Lost the number I ring when I’m frayed –
(A place to which often I’ve strayed).
How I need a release,
Just some calm and some peace.
But where are the details – ‘Miss Laid’?
Bill’s appetite he had mislaid,
Though for a good reason this strayed –
Insatiable greed
Had caused him to feed
Until Bill ‘Yes’ ‘NO!’ was displayed.
The ‘Bill yes’ attack soon relayed
Choice giving up food must be made:
His greed caused the flow
Other way, now, to go,
So dinner on carpet he sprayed.
Two Friends
There under the elephant ear she laid
While in the kitchen my other throb played
First one is my best girl friend
Second, wife ’til life does end
Nice dog and good wife, sure I’ve got it made
Two billionaires chatting agreed
They were an exceptional breed;
And rather admired
The way they acquired
The golden commodes where they peed.
GREED!
My birthday was great; my wife is a “star!”
She gave me a fabulous, brand new car
It’s a red Corvette
But for some reason, yet
I’d like another one, just to drive to the store
To a deadly sin I confess
I just love to eat to excess
Although my gluttony
Could be the death of me
I simply can’t eat any less
Pics on the brothel wall displayed
Positions in which to get laid
The girls of Pompeii
Each had their own way
They’d do anything to get paid
Now billionaires chomp on cigars
And all of them drive nice big cars
But for tax evasion
The best smart equation?
From Caribbean send their regards.
LOONIES TO THE LOONY
Greed is greed — so it’s certain I am
That The Donald’s campaign is a sham.
He’s in, win or lose,
With Ted (Calgary) Cruz.
Think: “Canadian real estate scam”:
Should either bad candidate win,
Watch his shell corporations begin
Leasing houses and flats
To the U.S. ex-pats…
How he’ll laugh as the money rolls in!
AMERICAN OLIGARCHY IN A NUTSHELL
Says the Very Rich Dude to the waiter,
“I’ll have what he’s having.” He’ll cater
By giving YOUR food
To the Very Rich Dude,
Then handing the bill to you later.
MAD: STAR DOESN’T RHYME WITH STORE
HERE’S ANOTHER TRY
GREED:
My birthday was great; my wife is a “star”
She gave me a fabulous, brand new car
It’s a red Corvette
But for some reason, yet,
I want another one just to drive to the bar
That punk CEO Martin Shkreli –
His strategy selfish and smelly,
Got busted at last;
They should make him fast
With Flint water filling his belly.
A user of the red-lighted trade
Was asked why he’d been so delayed.
Not wishing to admit
That he’s slipped in for a bit,
Replied, obliquely, “Not lost, only mislaid”.
A young girl, with her hair in a braid
Led her beau to a barn to get laid
And her lover (of course)
He was hung like a horse
And he came with such force that he neighed.
*was, not has, damn it. Please fix, Mad?
From MBK: Done.
GREED: VISITOR FROM A FRIEND
“That cake looks delicious
May I have a bite?”
“I put in too much flour
And it tastes very sour;
But here’s a drink of refreshing Sprite”
Is this too many syllables?
That cake looks delicious; may I have a bite?
I’m sorry, but I didn’t make it just right.
I put in too much flour
So it tastes kind of sour
But here’s a drink of refreshing Sprite
(Greedy Fat Friend)
When I first met Miss Laid
She seemed to be very staid
But one night in Shanty Town
Wearing a tasteless brassy kind of gown
She yelled, “Paul, come join our parade!”
Gordon Gekko, film crook, didn’t care;
He praised greed. So does Trump. Let’s compare!
The guy from the flick
Was much less of a dick;
In addition, he had better hair.
He pulls his big boat with a Hummer;
And struts like he’s King off the Summer.
Eventually though,
A gold Speedo will show
His love life must be a real bummer.
“I know what to say when they call me.”
Says a greedy young babe from Snoqualmie.
She told her friend Mike
“We can smooch if you like;
Bring bling if you’re looking to ball me…”
In the Sixties, a movie they made
Had choppers and dudes on parade.
But censors said no;
That song has to go.
The title was “Born to Be Laid”.
In his mansion up high on a hill,
Our CEO savored the thrill.
With downsizing done,
Outsourcing had won;
Tonight, he won’t need a blue pill…
You might think the rich have it made
They love power, are pleased to get paid
Though these things are their thirst
They are not what comes first
For their ultimate goal’s to get laid.
You’re right! Such priorities made
When biology’s needs are obeyed
Are why money and power
Can wait for an hour
But sex just cannot be delayed.
It was down on his couch that he laid
On a fine APRIL day, and he prayed
That he not wake too soon.
But he woke up in JUNE,
Which left him completely disMAYed!
I have never felt so betrayed
Just found out that hubby has laid
My identical twin
His defence, (Somewhat thin)
‘It’s a mix-up easily made’
Our candidates once had compassion,
But now that has gone out of fashion.
They celebrate greed
And blame those in need
In campaigns full of trashin’ and bashin’.
There’s nothing like pastrami on pumpernickel
And of course, you must have the sour pickle
So go to the deli
And fill your belly
And then tip the “cabbie” a nickel
I never know where my glasses are laid
So I hired a professional “spectacles aide”
I said “Check every nook and cranny;
Even places “uncanny”
Then the very next day, he ran off with my maid
Mad
Please change the pumpernickel line to:
AND OF COURSE YOU MUST HAVE THE SOUR PICKEL
(Done.)
Mad: please change the last line to:
Then tip the cabbie a SHINY nickel
Thank you
(MBK: No, that’s too many syllables.)
“Heidi, Ho!” Said Ted Cruz while he prayed
That she wouldn’t find out whom he laid.
He hoped to inspire her
To skip the Enquirer
And miss the page saying he’d strayed.
A rare trip to the dark side for me:
The bishop knew how to get laid.
He’d have fun with a nun in the glade.
His number one Sister
Was really a Mister.
He glowed when the truth was displayed!
He lamented, “I shouldn’t have strayed
From my bunk on the train. I obeyed
Carnal drives. ‘Twas insane
Because, unlike a train,
A young woman can *not* be de-laid.”
A slight change:
My glasses always seem to be mislaid
So I hired a professional “spectacles” aide
I said, “Look in every nook and cranny
Even places uncanny
And then the guy runs away with my maid
My new maid seems to have mislaid
My perfume that I had displayed
Near my golden frame
And the next time she came
She smelled like “Musk Serenade”
The unraveling party of greed
Is shaking and starting to bleed.
In Cleveland, it might
Be an MMA fight
For the one who can finish the deed.
Two vultures would meet to compare
The roadkill they found, cooked or rare
The sun, down it beat
Roasting meat in the street.
But alive? “hey, that’s mine! Don’t you dare!”
A tribute to the commuter train system called BART falling to pieces:
San Francisco’s Directors of BART
All get fat while the trains fall apart.
While these crooks full of hooey
Let BART go Ka-blooey
With grand theft as a great noble art.
Sixty-five were blown up in Lahore.
Said ISIS, “What fun! Let’s do more!”
“Although we seem greedy,
Spoiled rotten and needy,
Praise Allah, there are peasants galore!”
The suicide bomber raised hell
When his clever vest plan went well.
But in spite of his urgence
To bring his own virgins
They were scattered, those sinners, Pell-mell.
The White House is bloated and fat
even French Fries we feed our Chief Rat.
He clings to his greed
Not religion his need
No, it’s IRS fun, where he’s at.
Up to ninety-six thousand a year
Goes untaxed if it’s earned far from here.
So I’m off to Dubai
To have and eat my pie
never more in the US to appear.
On his deathbed an old pilot prayed
For a post mortem heaven upgrade
But he couldn’t go straight
To that great pearly gate
Since his final approach was delayed
As they led him to jail he decreed:
“It was all done for love and not greed”
“It’s a passion I feel”
“Which compels me to steal”
“Though that passion’s for cash I concede”
Mom always told me grandma displayed
Antique bells that were always mislaid
When the earthquake struck
The house was amok
And the cows came by in a Pride Parade
NOT A DUPLICATE
My new maid seems to have mislaid
My perfume that I always displayed
Near my golden frame
And the next time she came
She smelled JUST like “Musk Serenade”
NOT A DUPLICATE
My glasses are invariably mislaid
So I hired a professional spectacles aide
He looked in every nook and cranny
And even places very uncanny
Then he ran away with the maid
There’s nothing like pastrami on rye
And for dessert a great apple pie
So go to the deli
And fill your belly
Hand the waiter a nickle as he passes
not a duplicate
There’s nothing like pastrami on rye
And for dessert a great apple pie
So go to the deli
And fill your belly
Hand the waiter a nickel as he passes by
Sometimes a particular need
Creates the appearance of greed.
For example, Trump’s plane
Is really insane
When a hot air balloon does the deed.
Little Bo Peep was dismayed;
She’d noticed a couple had strayed.
So she gathered the flock
And gave them this talk:
“How nasty old cowboys get laid…”
My telephone bill was mislaid
So then the damn thing wasn’t paid
Then said Telstra to me
“Do you think it’s for free?
If you do, you are wrong we’re afraid”
From the items of news that I read
Some countries are governed by greed
There’s a very large gap
Tween the wealth and the crap
With lots of folk living in need
Even Mexican labor’s not cheap.
All those shacks, food and water can heap
Up farmers’ expenses,
Plus building big fences.
Keep cheap labor in the land they can keep.
Someone’s nephew’s in need of a job
Where to stick this dumb corn on the cob?
Put him in charge
Of a bank very large
Where some peons can help him go rob.
Her mission in life – getting laid;
An endeavor for which she is paid.
The convention is looming;
Business is booming
Since delegates have to be swayed.
Theories of added value to labor
Look good while at Yale, on paper.
Marx’ books didn’t show
That market values just go
Up and down; no predicting life’s caper.
The Chinese don’t ask, “Where you from?”
Your big nose makes that question dumb.
Instead they must know
If you’ve got some big dough
So they ask, “From what you dough come?”
The Irish clerk asked, “Where are they laid?”
It sounded rude to a Yank who had paid
For his room, booze and board.
He cried, “What? Good Lord!”
“No, your people, where’s the beds they had made?”
A blind man was leading a bat
To the street where he slept on a Mat
While He begged for his grub
the bat flew off to a pub,
Said, “THAT hell ain’t where it’s at!”
”Twas not thirst, his alcoholic greed.
No, he drank much more than he’d need.
He drank whiskey and rye
Vodka, wine, beer and I
Would laugh at how much that man peed!
His whole house was going to seed,
For he drank and he drank, then he peed.
The state of his toilet!
With brown shit he’d soil it,
Then clean it with strong streams he would lead.
The housekeeper called and relayed
Her arrival would now be delayed.
The car doesn’t start
So she cannot depart;
What a bummer – she needs to get paid.
He told her “Don’t worry Ms. Dade;
I’ll come get you; your fears are allayed.”
But the note to his wife
Caused a moment of strife
When he wrote “I am out getting maid.”
We had our poodle spayed
We named her “Miss Laid”
She was always getting mounted
And on this procedure we counted
That we could re-name her”Miss Staid”
NOT A DUPLICATE
We had our poodle spayed
Her name is “Princess Laid”
She was always getting mounted
So we greatly counted
That we could re-name her “Miss Staid”
My blind date’s name was Wade
We were to meet at the “Palisade”
I waited from midnight
Till the dawn’s early light
I guess his plane was delayed
A rude frequent flyer displayed
His ire over being delayed.
He stayed really peeved
Until he received
Some peanuts, free miles and upgrade.
His ex, at his funeral, laid
A rose on his corpse. Quite dismayed,
She sighed, “Only if
You’d been half as stiff
While living, I’d surely have stayed.”
Will’s conjugal tryst, I’m afraid,
Just became a risqué escapade.
Something wasn’t quite right
So he turned on the light,
Which revealed the houseguest he’d mislaid.
Maid Marion paused in the glade
Since her love, Robin Hood, seemed delayed.
He called out from a thicket,
“Come hither! Be quick! It
Feels better, dear maid, in the shade.”
or…
“Feels better, dear, made in the shade.”
(I resisted that old trope, “made Marion”)
As I enter my sixth decade
I fear I’ll end up an old maid
Stuck on the shelf
Pleasing myself
Cos sad to say I’ve never been laid
The GOP’s purpose mislaid,
Will the prevalent BS now fade?
Or will it get worse?
Will we dodge the dread curse
Of a 4-year Trump White House parade?
His wife said “Let’s get in the shade.”
But Lem liked the spot where he laid.
Then sunburned, he’d yelp
And needed some help;
The staff brought her pink Lem an aide.
Since I hate buying cars, I delayed
Going down to the lot. But I made
The deal of my life:
A new Ford for my wife.
I thought it a pretty good trade.
I seem to have mislaid
My darling husband, Wade
We’re so alike
We were on our hike
Perhaps it was the grenade
NOT A DUPLICATE
Grandma always displayed
Antique bells that were always mislaid
When the earthquake struck
The house was amok
And the cows marched within their “Pride Parade”
I WILL GET THIS RIGHT!
“That cake looks delicious
May I have a bite?”
“I put in too much flour
It tastes very sour
But here’s a drink of Sprite”
(GREEDY FAT FRIEND)
NAUGHTY DOG
We had our poodle spayed
Her name WAS “Princess Laid”
She was always getting mounted
Now we greatly counted
On re-naming her “Princess Staid”
The elites are starting to quake;
Trumpzilla threatens to take
Every voter in sight.
They need a white knight;
Cruz the hero? Give me a break…
“Oh, dear,” said Miss Slade to her maid;
“I fear that my ladle has strayed!”
Though they searched for that ladle
From cupboard to cradle,
Miss Slade’s little ladle’s mislaid.
A woman delayed getting laid.
It seems she was deathly afraid
Of catching the clap,
From this handsome young chap.
Her panties stayed on as they played.
OK, I’m in. This multi=verse limerick responds to several blog and poetry prompts. (Thanks, MAD KANE, for another one!) It’s also for NaPoWriMo (National Poetry Writing Month) and the April A to Z Blogging Challenge.
Here’s where to find it:
Abandon: A-Z verses from vintage visages
My dear mother always wore brocade
She adored it so much; it was never mislaid
She gave me a dress
I had to say “yes”
Now I look like a freaking old maid
HIKING FUN
I seem to have mislaid
My darling husband, Wade
We’re just so alike
We were on our hike
I guess it must have been the grenade
We gave him ten dollars to sit for our cat
He wanted ten more for watching our rat!
“Go back to your house
You greedy louse
You’re getting no more and that is that”
A faith healer from northwestern Dade
Placed his hands on a lovely mermaid.
When the creature did wail
At the loss of her tail,
He said lamely, “Perhaps it’s mislaid.”
Robin Hood and Maid Marian strayed
To a romantic glade in the shade
He was sad to discover
He was not her first lover –
Friar Tuck turned this maid to miss laid.
Though he dressed in a monk’s humble habit,
Vows of poverty displeased the abbot.
The sheer weight of his tax
Broke the peasantry’s backs.
He lusted for gold and to grab it.
She felt a strong urge to get laid.
In fact it became a crusade.
Men found her vexatious,
Extremely voracious.
She made those she pursued sore afraid.
OR
He felt a strong urge to get laid.
It fact it became a crusade.
Women found him vexatious,
Extremely voracious.
He made those he pursued sore afraid.
The billionaire’s bluster and babble;
A cringe-worthy gift to the rabble.
Unhinged and absurd,
His bleating is heard
And reads like a bad game of Scrabble.
PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE’S DILEMMA
The wind so fiercely swayed
Causing his hair piece to become mislaid
He stopped rambling on
When he saw it was gone
Then went into an utter tirade
A VERY MESSY HOUSE
Grandma always displayed
Antique bells, frequently mislaid
When the earthquake struck
The house was amok
And the cows arrived in a mad parade
Here’s a ‘Combo’ of ‘Greedy’ and ‘Laid’:
In his life there are hundreds he’s laid.
OK, many of them he has paid.
But he’s greedy to do
Still more who are new,
As his trophy wife looks on dismayed.
The girls’ school dean never delayed
Saying this to each incoming maid,
“When on dates, use a tether
To keep thighs together,
Ensuring they cannot be splayed.”
The butler had come, overstayed
Irresponsible lust he displayed
He misplaced where she lay
For missed time, there’s no pay
The laid pay-delayed maid was mislaid.
I heard a distraught centipede
Complain to a smug millipede:
“The question just begs
Why do YOU have more legs?
You are just a mutation of greed!”
Those Black Fridays are days filled with greed
Where the shoppers create a stampede
Boxing Day’s not enough?
Life may get tough and rough
As you buy all this stuff you don’t need.
Tempting bargains would help you forget
That there’s int’rest on top of the debt
While you think you will ‘save’
You’ll find out you’re a slave
As you’re hit with a wave of regret.
So live under your means; give up greed
Pay off all of your debts; then you’re freed
A belly well-fed
And a roof o’er your head
And some love in your bed’s all you need.
(it’s indeed guaranteed you’ll succeed!)
Your big debt load at least will have ONE dent
Till it’s vanished, becoming redundant
The stress will stop seething
You’re once again breathing
And living a life that’s abundant!
From the path straight and narrow, they strayed
And the condom somehow got mislaid
His impatient erection
Came without protection
And that’s why her period’s delayed.
The fellow was instantly swayed
When she asked him, “Hey, wanna get laid?”
But what he didn’t know –
She had man parts below
And the poor boy felt oh, so betrayed.
The greed for free sex was displayed
As his morals and caution decayed
When he started messin’
I couldn’t help guessin’
He sure learned his lesson and paid!
His buddies all tried to get laid;
But no one was making the grade.
By doing the math
With an uncharted path,
In sewing class, he had it made.
The chapter on How to Get Laid
May differ with many a maid.
Some make a plot
For the marbles you’ve got;
While others just see how they’re played.
Having heard ’bout their horny milk maid
I drove out to a farm to get laid
But my eyesight is failing;
As I began flailing
That piece of ass suddenly brayed!
Failure isn’t ‘defeat,’ just ‘delayed.’
It’s a stepping stone life has just made
If, preventing a fall
Means do nothing at all
Then your life will feel small and be staid.
You do your best, plans are all laid
So don’t bother to be so afraid
If others will judge
It’s a subconscious nudge
Their own worth has a smudge, a low grade.
Don’t let your self-confidence fade
And stop thinking you have to ‘upgrade’
Put your mask on some shelf
And just be your own self
Success will soon follow, self-made!
Hey Phil! I just noticed above, a little snippet of your autobiography.
Let me respond…
What’s wrong? Were your glasses mislaid?
Seems your hormones are sharp as a blade
Although somewhat blind
You still managed to find
A source of relief, unsurveyed!
There should be an agency made
That helps the unlucky get laid
Whether crippled or scary
Too old or too hairy
Or newbies who feel too afraid.
There are those with a beautiful soul
Whom no one will help fill that hole
They too, need some lovin’
Li’l pushin’ and shovin’
Who otherwise can’t reach that goal.
Asked a fellow who sat in the shade
“How the heck does a mermaid get laid?”
Just go ask a sailor
What he does to nail her
I’m sure he gets somewhat delayed.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun two weeks of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to our Limerick-Off Award Winner, the GREED-Themed Limerick Winner, the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award Winner, and to the Honorable Mention winners: Limerick of the Week 249
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Twist.