Though it’s springtime, the temp’rature’s low.
It’s damp, and the wind’s all a-blow.
And I swear that I heard
These words chirped by a bird:
“For THIS I flew north? I hate snow!”
Archive for March, 2016
This Weather’s For The Birds! (Limerick)
Monday, March 28th, 2016Badly-Behaved Parents (Limerick)
Friday, March 25th, 2016Today’s Crazy Headline of the Day deserves a limerick.
“Kindergarten play gets broken up by police after parents brawl over best seats.”
Most brawling takes place on the street
And in bars, but some cops on the beat
Had to break up a fight
At a school play one night:
Parents fighting to get the best seat.
Is This Holiday An Achievement? (Limerick)
Thursday, March 24th, 2016March 24 is International Day For Achievers.
To the “Day for Achievers,” say “Nay!”
It’s superfluous! Nix the hurray!
Why let praise-swelled heads spread?
My proposal, instead:
Let’s give UNDERachievers their day.
An Essential Holiday (Limerick)
Monday, March 21st, 2016It’s essential to celebrate smells–
Just the good ones, of course; Nothing quells
A good mood like a stink,
Which might possibly shrink
The terrain where your fella’s brain dwells.
Happy National Fragrance Day! (March 21)
Remembering Memory Day
Monday, March 21st, 2016While in law school I’d frequently curse
My poor mem’ry, which now’s become worse.
And this ain’t just a riff;
I’ll be jubilant if
I remember to finish this verse.
Happy Memory Day! (March 21)
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: LAID or MISLAID or DELAYED at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, March 19th, 2016It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using LAID or MISLAID or DELAYED at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to GREED, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best GREED-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on April 3, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, April 2 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman whose plane was delayed
Yelled and flew off the handle, then prayed.
Fellow passengers, scared
By her conduct, soon aired
Their dismay: “Help! We plainly need aid!”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (248)
Saturday, March 19th, 2016It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins both the Limerick-Off Award and the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this funny limerick:
When Marilyn stepped on the vent,
Her skirt billowed up like a tent.
The crowd loved the show,
Crying out “Way to go!”
And that is where Kennedy went.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins the SIBLING-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
Dear Brother: I wooed Mrs. Lister,
But her husband broke in as I kissed her.
I’m now on the run
In the guise of a nun…
Yours truly, your brother the Sister.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Marty Gerendasy, Ian Graham, Brian Allgar, Judith H. Block, Allen Wilcox, David Reddekopp, Will T. Laughlin, Fred Bortz, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “VENT” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO “SIBLING” LIMERICKS)
Tim James:
Two brothers set out to invent
A machine that could fly. So it went:
Though they had the Wright stuff,
They had troubles enough.
In the ground they left many a dent.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“VENT” RHYME DIVISION)
Marty Gerendasy:
Please excuse me, but I need to vent
’Cause the landlord just jacked up my rent.
What a dastardly deed
Based on nothing but greed.
I may have to go live in a tent.
Ian Graham:
No alibi could she invent
For her night in a wigwam with Brent.
“He’s a crook,” her folks curse.
“That makes it much worse.
It was done with a crim’nal in-tent.”
Brian Allgar:
Yes, the Donald knows how to invent
Vicious lies to incite discontent.
Though he’s boastful and shifty,
His ‘groupies’ score fifty –
That’s, roughly, IQ and percent.
Judith H. Block:
My darling, that’s not what I meant
By positions that we could invent.
While I’m all for hot sex
And did not provide specs,
A pretzel was not my intent!
Tim James:
A sailor lost ev’ry last cent
But the sex was a signal event.
While they rolled, yawed and pitched
She got greatly enriched
While he, like his money, got spent.
Allen Wilcox:
“It was what I was trying to prevent –
Going into the hole where I went.
It wasn’t my goal.
I missed the right hole.
It’s the way that my damn thing is bent.”
David Reddekopp:
There’s naught I can do to prevent
What the skies, I surmise, have now sent.
The snow is now falling.
I find it appalling.
It’s the winter of my discontent.
Will T. Laughlin:
In the spring, I met young Mrs. Trent,
Whose husband was agèd and bent.
A tentative kiss
Led to hours of bliss –
Though suspicion I tried to prevent.I guessed no malicious intent
Months later, when Mr. Trent sent
Me a note to invite
Me to join them one night –
I agreed to attend the event.“I’ve challenged my cook to invent
A new dish for you,” leered the old gent;
“A pity my mate
Will be joining us… late.”
Then he tittered. Now, what had he meant?From the kitchen, and up through the vent
Came a strangely familiar scent…
Mixed with garlic and leeks.
How he laughed at my shrieks,
As out through the window I went.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“SIBLING” LIMERICK DIVISION)
Fred Bortz:
He once had a tomboyish sister
So commanding that none would resist her.
Then his sib stopped pretending.
“I’m done gender bending,”
He said. “You must now call me Mister.”
Will T. Laughlin:
The left half of Siamese twins
Berated her mate for his sins.
Cried he, “How the hell
Is a fellow to tell
Where you end, and your sister begins?!”
Dave Johnson:
Two brothers named Jason and Kevin
Show up at the gym before seven.
They don’t like to sweat;
Any six-pack they get
Will come from a 7-Eleven.
Will T. Laughlin:
Sure, kids are a pain in the tush…
But try being Barbara Bush:
At the end of your life
As a mother and wife,
Your illusions deflate with a whoosh,And as you step out of your bubble, you
Are left with the facts. And they trouble you.
O the stigma! The shame
To the family name,
That the smartest Bush brother was W!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Hope Springs Eternal (Limerick)
Saturday, March 19th, 2016Though tomorrow’s the first day of spring,
My seasonal thoughts can’t take wing
Cuz of snow-forecast-blues-men
And wet blanket newsmen.
Are they wrong? To that dream I shall cling.
Yet Another St. Patrick’s Day Limerick
Thursday, March 17th, 2016On St. Patrick’s Day food I’m not keen.
Its corned beef and cabbage cuisine
Makes my stomach feel queer,
And the same goes for beer.
Partake… and I’ll surely turn green.
Get Over It? No Way! (Limerick)
Wednesday, March 9th, 2016Sorry, but I refuse to celebrate “Get Over It” Day. (March 9)
Dear pest, if you’re looking to irk,
Unsolicited counsel will work;
The “get over it” phrase
Is likely to raise
My hackles and drive me berserk.
Limerick Ode To National Proofreading Day (March 8)
Tuesday, March 8th, 2016Today we should celebrate proofreading.
While not fool-proof, it helps avert goof reading.
And, like many, I’m vexed
By typo-strewn text
Found in poetry, fiction, and spoof reading.
Happy National Proofreading Day!
“Be Heard Day” (Limerick)
Monday, March 7th, 2016Please don’t be deterred: It’s “Be Heard Day.”
(Some call it a “dumb and absurd day.”)
Being heard’s a great goal.
Staying mum takes its toll.
Don’t convert it to “message deferred” day.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: VENT or PREVENT or EVENT or INVENT at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, March 5th, 2016It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick(s) as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing limericks using VENT or PREVENT or EVENT or INVENT at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick-Off Award Winner. (Here’s last week’s Limerick-Off Award Winner.)
Additionally, you may write themed limericks related to SIBLINGS, using any rhyme scheme. And of course I’ll present an extra award — one for the best SIBLING-related limerick.
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the winners on March 20, right before I post the next Limerick-Off. So that gives you two full weeks to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday, March 19 at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A bully had tried to prevent
His grown daughter from dating a gent.
But the bully’s ex-bride
Took their joint daughter’s side:
“At least he (unlike YOU) isn’t bent.”
Please feel free to enter my Limerick-Off by posting your limerick(s) in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick-Off Award (247)
Saturday, March 5th, 2016It’s time to announce the latest Limerick-Off winners based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in the last Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to Will T. Laughlin, who wins the Limerick-Off Award for this funny limerick:
My girlfriend prepared me a treat,
Which I tried… and I just couldn’t eat.
But what could I say,
With her watching that way?
“Ummm, this borscht simply cannot be beet!”
Congratulations to KIRK MILLER, who wins the Special EDUCATION-Themed Limerick Award for this funny limerick:
A geometry teacher named Brent
Liked to frolic outdoors, so he went
To a place he could play
At the seashore all day.
He returned from the beach a tan gent.
Congratulations to BRIAN ALLGAR, who wins the Facebook Friends’ Choice Award for this limerick which received the most Facebook “likes.”
Brian Allgar:
With no brother to help him to cheat,
Jeb admits that he’s finally beat.
And his web site? He blew it,
Forgot to renew it –-
“I bought it!” jeers Trump in a tweet.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Jesse Levy, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, Jon Gearhart, Allen Wilcox, RJ Clarken, Ian Graham, Will T. Laughlin, and Byron Ives. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
HONORABLE MENTION (DOUBLE DUTY DIVISION: “BEAT/BEET” RHYME LIMERICKS THAT ARE ALSO EDUCATION LIMERICKS)
Tim James:
The philosophy class had him beat.
“I don’t like abstract concepts!” he’d bleat.
“I Kant grasp them at all!”
He then punched a brick wall.
That abstraction’s now much more concrete.
HONORABLE MENTIONS (“BEAT/BEET” RHYME DIVISION)
Jesse Levy:
The new “superfood” is the beet.
I’ve heard that’s the word on the street.
The ads make it seem
As if beets are a dream.
Well, at least they do not contain wheat.
Brian Allgar, for his Harper Lee limerick:
With one novel, she joined the elite,
Won a Pulitzer (that’s quite a feat)
While Ginsberg and Burroughs
Were ploughing their furrows —
Though, of course, she’s not read as a beat.
Dave Johnson:
I remember when flying was neat;
An adventure that couldn’t be beat.
But if airlines today
Could have it their way,
They’d charge you to lower your seat.
Jon Gearhart:
I enjoy having veggies to eat,
But sometimes I just want some meat.
By replacing the beta
Vulgaris, I made a
Beef borscht and did not miss one beet.
Allen Wilcox:
When Windows won’t work and you’re beat,
And you think you are facing defeat,
Do NOT lose your cool.
Remember the rule:
When in doubt, press Control-Alt-Delete.
Rj Clarken:
The bird was a little offbeat:
Not the norm for a wee parakeet.
He would peck like a lord
On his tiny keyboard
As he’d Facebook and IM and tweet.
Ian Graham:
Thrash wheat if it’s bread you would eat.
Flail rice for a granular treat.
Is smoothness your dream?
Then try whipping cream.
But for sweetness you cannot beat beet.
Dave Johnson:
He saw her – his heart skipped a beat;
Then awkwardly shuffled his feet.
How amazing that he
Could possibly be
Running into a star on the street!It was just a few seconds or so
That he felt that celebrity glow.
Their eyes barely met,
But he’ll never forget
The moment Adele said “Hello.”
HONORABLE MENTIONS (EDUCATION LIMERICK DIVISION)
Will T. Laughlin:
“Gee, these Texas school textbooks are great!
Let’s use them in every state!
Now, ev’ryone: look
In your Chemistry book
At Leviticus 12, 5 through 8…”
Tim James:
She thinks studying’s hard, so instead
She lures each of her profs into bed
Where she actively crams
For her oral exams:
She’s advanced to the class of the head.
Dave Johnson:
A lively young teacher named Cass
Was showing her dance moves with sass.
But while she was twerking,
Some smart phones were lurking;
A gift for the boys in the class.
Byron Ives:
In bio lab, Gloria Schwerner
Oft tooted, which didn’t concern ’er
But after a flash
Turned her lab coat to ash,
She pointed away from the burner.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win the Limerick-Off Award.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
