Mark, To The Rescue (Limerick)
While many admire the spider,
To be candid, I can not abide ’er.
When I spied ’er last night,
I eyed ’er with fright
And begged hubby to please outside guide ’er.
(March 14th is National Save A Spider Day.)
Tags: Arachnids, Husband Wife Limerick, Insect and Bug Humor, March Holidays, Marriage Humor, Odd Holidays, Spider Humor
For animals I have compassion
But there’s one that gets less than a ration
The damn spider’s the one
I just scream and I run
And I grimace, my face turning ashen.
The spider’s a dangerous bug
I’d rather get mugged by a thug
Even small ones have venom
They’ll bite through your denim
And crawl under every rug.
When one bites you, your swelling increases
So painful, you’ll want to scream, “Jesus!”
So bash ’em and lash ’em
And squish ’em and thrash ’em
And don’t forget, smash ’em to pieces.
“Spiders eat bad bugs,” I’m told
“So suck it up girly, be bold!”
Don’t give me that sass
I don’t give a rat’s ass
Wouldn’t pass up a cull uncontrolled.
Horror movies should be their domain
And NOT among humans; insane!
The thought of these critters
Just gives me the jitters
So ship ’em to Mars, that’s humane!
You’ve probably figured out by now that I’m arachnophobic. although that word should be obsolete because it’s defined as an IRRATIONAL fear of spiders. Sorry Webster, Oxford, and Macmillan, but it IS a RATIONAL fear. These beasts are venomous and heartless. They bite even when not cornered, provoked or trapped. Ya got that? Even sharks have a kinder disposition, biting for survival/eating. I’ve lost count how many people I know who had to get medical attention (sometimes serious) for spider bites. There!
I ranted and raved
Now all my nerves have been saved
As anger is staved
(oh hey! it’s a haiku! woohoo!)