Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SNIPE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using SNIPE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Give me substance! Do NOT type up tripe,
Said the law prof, who’d frequently snipe
At his class, which thus far
Set a very low bar
And seemed likely to stay true to type.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Education & School Humor, Law School, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Professors, Writing Prompts
While birding, I spotted a snipe.
Each side of its head bore a stripe.
A “Common”? No! Now
It’s called “Wilson’s” – somehow
They’ve renamed it with minimal hype.
The inventor’s wife, my, how she’d snipe
As he built her a new prototype
A machine that destroys
All his musical toys
The first one – the old windy bagpipe!
If bagpipers know how to pipe
Then snipers should know how to snipe
If a wiper can wipe
But a diaper can’t dipe
I must ask, can a stereo type?
She explained to the fellow: “My type
Is mature, although not overripe:
Not too old, not too young,
And they must be well-hung …”
She was placing an order for snipe.
Every day she would snivel and snipe:
“Must you smoke that unspeakable tripe?”
So he smoked the old bag,
Got a new tin of shag,
And contentedly puffed on his pipe.
The sergeant was learning to snipe,
But his spectacles needed a wipe.
When he potted the colonel,
He wrote in his journal
“It looks like I may lose a stripe.”
I’m Lee Harvey Oswald. I snipe
From this grassy knoll. Kennedy’s ripe
For the picking. BANG! Dead.
Got him right in the head!
The police are approaching me. Yipe!
There’s a pond of a different stripe
A reservoir named Billy Snipe
It’s in Idaho State
And a drought was its fate
And it can’t use its own water pipe.
It’s all very easy to snipe
At rhymesters for writing trite tripe
But poets, in sooth,
Are the high priests of Truth
Except when they’re scamming on Skype.
I really would rather not snipe
At people who don’t buy my hype
But they’re not too bright
And I’m always right
And they just don’t see- that’s my gripe!
The candidates snivel and snipe,
Filling the air with endless tripe.
Oh, those jack asses
Spew noxious gasses.
And when they shut up, they must wipe.
Don’t complain, don’t moan and don’t gripe
just show us your stuff for the stars and stripe
we know you have, you will and you can
and we’ll honor you one day as a veteran
patroitism and loyalty shouldn’t be an illusive snipe
I’m so hungry I could eat a snipe
and I don’t want to hear any gripe
so what’s a fellow to do
out the door I flew
and returned with a plate of tripe
When all I hear is gripe
I want to scream and shout yipe
just put your paddle in the water
and do what you know you oughter
enough of this illusive hype.
Once there was an illusive snipe
who tried with all his might
to be more terse and laconic
but was proud to be bucolic
and didn’t agree with the brevity hype
That fellow, Jim, will sit and gripe,
Whine and complain, grumble and snipe
For hours on end.
He loves to offend,
And always does with his endless tripe.
Then again there is this hype
we all fit a stereotype
but I don’t agree
and I can’t, don’t you see
I just am. And i’m not a bird-brain snipe.
I couldn’t decide whether ‘snipe’
‘Attacking remarks’ was the type,
Or, from hiding, a shot,
Or a marsh bird we’ve got,
So decided that down I would pipe.
To all the hostesses who snipe
That my recipes give them a gripe,
Let them have the guts
To accept latest cuts –
With onions, I’m serving them tripe!
Mad, In my LHO verse, could you please drop the “and” in L1, and put a period after Oswald? I think it flows better that way.
From Mad Kane: Yes it does. Done.
You know, van goch, he gave it a swipe
Cause a snipe sniped a turd in his pipe
The snipe high on poppy
Let go something sloppy
Once smoked, impossible to wipe
A madam developed a gripe
With a sniper refusing to snipe
Got out her whip
gave him the snip
And smoked the odd tripe in her pipe
It was pot shots and nothing but snipe
When Mama was teaching me to wipe
She said don’t make a sound
When you’re reaching around
That seemed to be her number one gripe
This nympho was out hunting snipe
One evening while chatting on Skype
She went there to flock
When told of woodcock
But splinters had lessened the hype
I swear I do not mean to snipe,
But there’s rules for those times that we Skype.
No one wants to see ass
In the bathroom—it’s crass—
And, for God’s sake, don’t stand there and wipe!
Young campers are likely to gripe
When told to go out and hunt snipe
Those birds can’t be found
In the dark on the ground
To succeed, find a coop and then kype.
snipe hunt = fool’s errand
She said that she wasn’t THAT type
He needed a lass who was ‘ripe’
So the lad, it is said
Tossed her out of his bed
then took in the town’s gutter snipe
All the pundits are starting to gripe
About Ben, creating lots of hype
His so-called friend
In an attempt to defend
Swapped his favorable words into a “snipe”
A Scotty was dining on tripe
But the flavour was terribly ripe.
His wife tried a seasoning
Of onions, her reasoning
Was they offset “Carrotte and Par-snipe”
He loved her, but boy could she snipe
She’d whine and whimper and gripe
but a Circus in town
gave him work as a clown
and he left on a one-wheeler bike
The restaurant lived up to its hype
and catered to millionaire types
they served Squirrel Tartar
but their special by far
wasn’t chicken, but Beer Battered Snipe
‘I’ll kill ye” he yelled ‘guttersnipe’!
in his hand he wielded a knife
so she gave him the knee
now he speaks in high C
and he can’t even ride on his bike
His mother was mean and she’d snipe
as she drooled and she sucked on her pipe
so he filled it with coke
and she took a big smoke
and vanished right out of sight
A driver with fuming exhaust pipe
Went pet searching — looked for his lost snipe
If fumes won’t secure him
What’s sure to allure him-
A female snipe’s urine-soaked tossed wipe.
A pedophile of the worst type
Went to jail and the inmates would snipe:
“So you think you can harm a
Poor child?! Here comes karma!”
He now can’t sit, nor can he wipe.
The bride to her bridegroom did snipe
“Hey, your organ is such a small pipe!”
“Didn’t know.” he replied
“I’d be playing inside
A cathedral, a sizable type.”
Your mama’s the sexual type.
She likes to go hunting for SNIPE.
She thinks SNIPE is PENIS
(SEX DAILY between us
Is more than DYSLEXIA hype!)
(Sorry, Suzanne — I’m inadvertently stealing two lines from you!)
If a sniper’s main job is to snipe,
Then it follows a diaper must diap.
So allow me to take
Out this poisonous snake…
There’s my vindshield, you viper: now, vipe!
Said the Scout, “I’ve no reason to gripe
That I’ve not yet encountered a snipe.
I’ve sat in this wood,
All alone, for a good
Twenty years… guess the time must be ripe!”
(Former Boy Scouts will get this.)
To Will – In that case, if you win, I want half the prize money… oh wait… there isn’t any… aaargh! …okay… my name in lights will do, then.
On the other hand…
I’ve got a good reason to snipe
At you Will, ’cause you’ve chosen to swipe
My own words and ideas
They belong to me as
That makes you the type who will kype!
(Thanks for the ‘kype’ word, Phil; I’ll make it up to you somehow)
In politics, taking a swipe
Is best with some snark and a snipe.
You’re not likely to win
If your skin is too thin.
It’s a sin to continu’lly gripe.
At “Le Cockatoo” I ordered the snipe
I complained that it wasn’t completely ripe
I got a chill
When I choked on its bill
I think next time I’ll order the tripe
I’m so jealous I can’t even snipe.
His gal Friday, according to hype,
With her hands, mouth, and *that*
Laid the fellow out flat;
With her toes she’d concurrently type.
Amazed at the size of my pipe
My girlfriend would snicker and snipe
“Now that you’ve revealed it
I ask, can you wield it?
Let’s hope it lives up to the hype.”
While out on a hunt for some snipe,
a few freshmen started to gripe.
Our noses we clenched,
the had a foul stench.
They’d petted “a cat with a stripe.”
@the_release_101
I like to listen to snipe
as from the reedbeds they pipe
but they’re so hard to see
why don’t they perch in a tree?
Though as a birder I don’t like to gripe
My brother at singers will snipe
“That’s in the wrong key,” he will gripe
He has absolute pitch
Which means he can ditch
(unlike others) a small tuning pipe.
The mafia paid him to snipe
But the marksman could not match the hype
Unlike the poor owl
Plugged up in his bowel
He’d shoot, but not hit, so they’d gripe.
There’s a spoonerism joke in there, in L5.
In a campaign devoted to hype,
His style is to needle and snipe.
While himself he extols,
His policy goals
Drain like water would drip from a pipe.
There once was a farmer named Snipe,
Who’s daughter enjoyed a good pipe,
His farm-hand name Jed,
Inhaled and said,
“I’ve never seen melons so ripe”.
I must fiercely and angrily gripe
At your word this week, which is snipe
To rhyme you must be slick;
And have a sizable dick
The notorious Brian seems just the type
He calls in to grumble and snipe;
Haranguing a peeve or a gripe.
Not missing a chance
To air all his rants,
He’d blog if he knew how to type.
The critic continued to snipe:
“This Acceglio is overly ripe
With the fetor of dung,
But the worst, to my tongue,
Is your Trippa al Forno—it’s tripe!”
I don’t want to object or to as gripe
About having to use the word “snipe”,
But try as I might
I can not see the light.
At the end all I have is a “Yipe!”.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 239.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Tend.