Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ROAD or RODE or ROWED at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using ROAD or RODE or ROWED at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Said a sandal-clad man on the road
To his newly bought country abode,
“Though I don’t mean to quibble,
I just felt a nibble.
Could my toes have encountered a toad?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Animal & Pet Humor, Animal Verse, Competition Limerick, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
I wrote this one about a month ago:
He humped her quite hard; never slowed
And later he let loose his load.
But then, they were struck
By an oncoming truck
They shouldn’t have forked in the road.
The whore made the men all explode
But she took some time off, and it showed
Said her customer, Dusty:
“My God, you’re so rusty
I think you’re about to erode.”
A lady called Dorothy Spode
Would only converse in Morse code
Thinking quick as a flash
I said Dot I must dash
As I disappeared up the road
The Romans who’d captured them crowed
As the Britons were led down the road,
No longer in hue
A belligerent blue,
For they’d come to the end of the woad.
He would sing to the girl he bestrode
Little ditties in popular mode.
When her mouth opened wide,
He would slip it inside
As he sang “Can you carry my load?” *
(* Google says it’s a song by Confrontation Camp, whoever they may be)
The bimbo who lived down the road
Had invited him to her abode.
He began to caress her,
But failed to undress her –
He just couldn’t find the zip code.
It Cometh Back To Bite
was a God who would giggle and goad
” precious people don’t stray from my road,
cause hot brimstone and hail
will be close on your tail!”
– “What you saw, you will reap, you big toad!”
In lay terms, they told him – he owed,
his failure to clauses he stowed
when making first man –
now black pot to pan:
“A shrink just might lighten your load!”
The cock was a well-endowed Rhode
Island Red; when he strutted and crowed,
All the lusty young hens
Would break out of their pens
In the hope of receiving his load.
We walk down a long, winding road
If enduring life, we are bestowed
Sometimes potholes are hit
That test our true grit
We can’t let the journey implode.
His passionate kisses, bestowed
She felt such a thrill as he rode.
With pleasure he cried
And exploded inside
Then he felt like a heavy dead load.
They committed a murder and rowed
Away, but their lives would implode.
The Thérèse Raquin plot
All future joy shot
Until their sad lives would explode.
In the headlights of cars, something showed.
It was just up ahead, so I slowed.
Saw a pie in the street
That I wanted to eat,
So I looked for a fork in the road.
They were doing it right in the road
When a lorry appeared. Though it slowed,
They were locked in coition,
A complex position,
And ended squashed flat as a toad.
I was walking a mystical road
When approached by a talking toad
He said, “You can’t pass
Lest you kiss my ass.”
I turned and off quickly I strode.
The slave-master wielded his goad
As the galley-slaves frantically rowed.
Though he screamed “WTF?”,
They were hopessly stuck,
For the anchor still hadn’t been stowed.
They fought; with each other they rowed …
What? You say this isn’t allowed?
But when I rode this road
I just followed your code
And, really do think, did it proud.
I’ve been traveling long down this road.
Soon the Lord’s gonna say, “Drop your load.”
But before I leave,
let me say, “ I believe
I heard sounds where the river had flowed.“
Mad Kane’s got us on the write road
and with words up stream we rowed
puns and colorful expressions we submit
with blood, sweat, tears and some wit
each week we click in to be towed
The beta test went on the road
For their app: “Win A Prince, Kiss The Toad’.
But no prince came; instead,
Roaches bit off her head.
They suspect there are bugs in the code.
Mr Fields was heard to explode:
“Though the sturgeon is lavishly roe’d
And makes caviar – Beluga,
Oscietra, Sevruga –
It’s filthy stuff! Fish eggs be blowed!”
(Despite the (vastly overrated) wonders of Google, I can’t find the W.C. Fields film where he looks disgustedly at caviar and says “Fish eggs!” Can anyone remind me?)
His legs, poor old Hank, they was bowed
from all of the critters he rode
But the widest by far
Was old Sue from the bar
to move her she had to be towed
Said the dame on a horse that she rode
To the child on the cart that it towed
If you fall off, beware
Of the ogres out there
And Braveheart, face painted with woad.
“Seek the new,” she harangued as it snowed.
So we rode on a less traveled road.
Melting snow caused a flood,
Leaving us stuck in mud.
I heeded her goad and got towed.
The petrologist found out he owed
I.R.S. lots of money. He showed
Them he’s deeply in debt.
It’s for sure you can bet
That he’s traveling on a rocky road.
Castration was poor Elmer’s load
Replaced them with a chrome anode
He totes them around
They scraped on the ground
When his lug nuts began to corrode
Flattened out right there in the road
Were remains of a pokey horn toad
As it turns out it died
Getting to other side
Where a chicken had already strode
Young Patrick had drank quite a load
The bartender stated, he owed
Pat took out his pence
twas good common sense
’cause the barmaid gave one for the road
He goes thundering down Thunder Road,
And White Lightning is part of his load.
(Seen him take a few swigs.)
He hauls clippings and twigs
From the neighborhood lawns he has mowed.
Said the Owl as the Pussycat rowed,
“I would help you, to lighten your load,
But I’ve injured my back,
And it’s time for my snack –
Now, where is that honey you stowed?”
Dame Judi was crossing the road
When a cabbie bore down where she strode.
He swerved and he swore,
The Dame evened the score–
Lady Dench, she was quick to unload.
Religious observance is owed
Where the poultry truck buckled and bowed.
Her companions are splats
On the highway, and that’s
Why the Chicken was Crossing the Road.
(OOC, as Brian beat me to it — )
“Climate change?” cried the rich. “What a load…”
‘Til the caviar industry slowed.
Now the sturgeon are dying,
There’s just no denying
We’re reaching the end of the roe’d.
My Bermuda grass lawn must be mowed
The rhizomes are into the road
I wish I could wait
‘Cause my health ain’t that great
But it’s time that I reap what I’ve sowed.
John Steinbeck wrote well and it showed
His “Grapes of Wrath” featured Tom Joad
Okies felt lots of scorn
Headed toward Californ’
Which they reached by the old “Mother Road.”
That’s Route 66, almost entirely replaced by Interstates now.
Down a straight city street I once strode
Found some women in which to unload
Now I know I’m not wrong;
It’s the place I belong
So I said, “Take me home, cuntry road.”
Yes, the typo is intentional.
At the cabin, my country abode
I had time to relax and reload
Towed the boat to the pond
My lifejacket I donned
So I rode down the road, and then rowed.
University dorm, my abode,
In New Orleans has a zip code
On a street with one lane
Each direction. It’s plain
It is located on a Tulane road.
In Chicago when it snowed
My Honda had to be towed
It went to Okie Fanokie
Instead of Skokie
That’s a little too far down the road
I met my “Prince” down the road
A ring to me he bestowed
My credit cards were gone
Checking account was withdrawn
My prince turned into toad
We went down the country road
On a Harley that never slowed
I’m kind of large
Built like a barge
And the bike indicated “Heavy Load”
A princess dressed up a la mode
a morning was walking the road
that lead to the pond
and under a frond
she found her a lover disguised as a toad
a cat sat smack dab in the road
licking and preening real slow
he was so one-pointed
that he failed to notice
a semi bearing down with his load
I sang my song on the road
as I slipped him a 20, he crowed
He gave me a flirt
and kicked up some dirt
as he undid his pants and bowed
Dark night.. moss tickles face cross road..
Oh.. the smell.. of hell splayed flesh mode..
Where pain.. ceases.. and all is paper know..
no move.. no feeling.. existence dark glows
deeper rings of Dante.. Inferno winds blow..:)
Bottom of pit.. never ends.. falling crawling low..
a second becomes an hour.. a thousand years oh..
please let me go.. i cannot stay a thousand goes..
on.. and on.. there is no end to darkness.. explodes..
if only a prick.. a pin.. a stab.. a fire.. numb implodes..
This is know.. no story.. it happens in 2008.. a bloke..
sad man.. empty heart.. spirit extinguishes soul.. no..
no time now.. now then is hell.. time never ends.. so..
a moral to every story.. is where a human ends row..
arise.. Ocean Flow.. Infinity never ends.. now is Hope..:)
I met my true love on “Romance Road”
A kiss to me he bestowed
My jewelry was gone
Bank account: withdrawn
My darling prince turned into a toad
In my long and winding abode
A mad approached in a musical mode
All I needed was love
He was gentle as a dove
Then he went back to Abbey Road
In his Indy car fantasy mode,
They went thundering down a steep road.
She remarked, with a frown
“You better slow down –
Or I’m gonna need a commode.”
When Lady Godiva bestowed
Her charms on the town where she rode,
They noticed a rise
In amorous guys;
Along with the seeds that they sowed.
She was looking for sex on the road.
He was just a bit strange, and it showed.
So just why did he lick
Ice cream off of this chick?
He prefers all his tarts a la mode.
On a lonely journey he rode
But not familiar with the road
He took a wild gamble
At a bend he tumlbed
Had to be in a vigilant mode
Hank
The trick-or-treaters stopped at a scary abode
To the door came a witch who looked like a toad
They came down with cold feet
Scared to ask for a treat
Changed to frogs but, with candy they hopped down the road
Mad: My DARLING prince turned into a toad (if you could fix it?)
just add the word DARLING NEXT LIMERICK:
I saw my mother-in-law down River Road
We all agree she knows how to goad
She is so obese:
“A conversation piece”
Because she has her own zip code
not a duplicate
In good ole Chicago when it snowed
I had to have my Honda towed
It went to Okie Fanokie
Instead of Skokie
That’s quite a distance down the road
A chicken was crossing the road
When she got to the center and slowed.
While there in the middle
She pondered that riddle,
Which even she couldn’t decode.
Said Bernie: “We’re all on a road
To where social unrest may explode!
Our econ position
Recalls the condition
Afflicting the family named Joad.”
Said Dad, at the wheel on the road:
“If you kids have to use the commode,
Since we ain’t near a rest
It would be for the best
If you opened the door while I slowed.”
Paid a doxy just what she was owed,
Then at sea, in my dinghy, got blowed;
But the mutinous whore
Swam away with an oar,
He declared, as in circles he rowed.
Paid a doxy just what she was owed,
Then at sea, in my dinghy, got blowed;
But the mutinous whore
Swam away with an oar,
Which explains why, in circles, I rowed.
(preferred ending :)
Off into the sunset he rode
As the heartbroken prince’s tears flowed
The princess rebuked
And summarily puked
When her kiss turned him into a toad.
An accident covered the road
‘Twas too late for both cars to have slowed
Each car did a swerve
‘Round that nasty sharp curve
To avoid hitting one little toad.
The earthly goals some of us sowed
Can burden with too big a load
Our true celebration
Is not destination
But the journey that makes your life’s road.
My dead carload slowed, then got towed
To my abode as it snowed down the road
But the truck’s brakes went stiff
And it rode off the cliff
So then down the whole river it flowed.
As the neighbor’s damn rooster just crowed
My horse galloped past down the road
The rooster gave chase
But got hoofed in the face
Thought his head was about to explode.
(true story; it happened when I was 16; almost had a nice poultry dinner that night)
There once was a lady who rode
With a smile on the back of a toad.
They returned from the ride
With the lady inside
And no smile on the face of the toad.
This is a takeoff on the classic limerick
attributed to Cosmo Monkhouse:
“There was a young lady from Niger…”
Note: Monkhouse used the same word –
tiger – to end both lines two and five.
Hence the blasphemy exhibited here.
Note: Evidently toads do not find ingesting
ladies as pleasant as do tigers.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 237.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Stride.