Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SPILL at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using SPILL at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A chef, upon spotting a spill
From a gin bottle, started to grill
All his washers and cooks,
Asking “Which of you crooks
Made this mess?” But his proof remained nil.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Chef Humor, Competition Limerick, Food Humor, Food Verse, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Liquor Humor, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
Phil Graham, might this be about you?
There once was a fellow named Phil
Who sought extramarital thrill
Though he tried to keep quiet
He couldn’t deny it
His spouse, she has spotted the spill.
Dave, you hint I’m lascivious — well, chill.
There’s no way that my sperm I would spill!
So if you are hintin’
That I did like Clinton
I’m far more fastidious than Bill.
I thought you’d like that. And well played.
Shh! It’s a secret, don’t spill:
She’s sexy and hot with free will.
This new chick in town,
All guys want to bed down-
Just seeing her gives them a thrill.
Sip slowly and try not to spill
Your drink from the upscale gin mill.
It is quite expensive,
The bouquet comprehensive.
So sip and enjoy, do not swill.
Jack stumbled and took quite a spill.
He fell down the slope, so did Jill.
They never fetched water
Jill fell, no one caught her.
Jack’s hurt; all their efforts were nil.
Oh, NO, not another oil spill!
They don’t give a damn, they just drill,
Oil companies’ greed
Makes our planet bleed.
And each politician’s a shill.
Well, Monica’s role in that spill
Did mean she was not on the pill
She figured that maybe
There’d soon be a baby
So playing it safe fits the ‘Bill.’
Please do not spill
Your milk on the window sill
Jump up on the table
As best as you’re able
You’re the cutest feline in Seville.
Hubby, You’re always dressed to kill
It gives me such a thrill
Now go out for lunch
And have a good munch
(While I donate your clothes to Goodwill)
CORRECTION SORRY!
Hubby, you’re dressed to kill
Your garbs scarcely have a spill
Now go out for lunch
And have a good munch
(While I donate your clothes to Goodwill)
Mad Please change the last line of “Please do no spill to”
“You’re the cutest feline in Seville”
My last line had too many syllables
Thank You
MBK: Done.
Our waiter had managed to spill
The wine from a glass he did fill.
It fell on her dress,
A terrible mess;
We’re adding a tip to his bill.
We charming ladies at “Senior Hill”
Have shaky hands, so sometimes we spill
Our coffee or tea, but we never flee:
When a man walks in, we still get a thrill
At the “Old Town Happy Bar and Grill”
Henry the tapster will sometimes spill
The drinks from the cart
But he has a good heart
When he tends to do that, he foots the bill
Phil the bear hunter, out for a kill,
Dropped his rifle on taking a spill.
He rolled downhill and then
Straight on into a den.
Lucky bears. They’ve now eaten their Phil.
Too many think guns are a thrill,
But their purpose is solely to kill.
Mass shootings? “Let’s pray,”
Say the pro-NRA.
Rinse, repeat. How much blood can they spill?
CORRECTION: TRYING AGAIN!
At the ‘Ole Town Bar And Grill”
The tapster will sometimes spill
The drinks from the cart
But he has a good heart
When he does that, he foots the bill
Please remember your pill
And whatever you do, don’t spill!
Tonight’s the night
The stars are just right
To create our li’l Johnny or Jill
On Twitter, his words start to spill
Late at night and he probably will
Find a way to abuse
Anyone in the news
Who refuses to trumpet his swill.
The athlete was proud of her skill,
Blowing two guys at once with a will.
On her head she would stand
Sucking hard on each gland,
And never a drop did she spill.
“Stuff happens.” The time’s come to spill
The beans about Jeb – he’s a pill!
The Second Amendment
The day it was penned meant,
According to Jeb: “Thou shalt kill”.
He tried very hard not to spill
The eggs that he’d beaten with dill.
He gave up in despair,
For an omelette, rare,
Simply cannot be cooked on the grill.
He sprinkled the gas, lit the spill.
Oh, the flames and the heat! What a thrill!
When arrested, said he
“I’m no arsonist, me,
It’s just that I’m feeling the chill.”
Knowing Tamar was not on the pill,
Onan thought it was better to spill
His own seed on the ground.
But old Yahweh soon found
What he’d done, and moved in for the kill.
MAD: I FORGOT TO USE SPILL I AM HAVING MORE SENIOR MOMENTS EVERY DAY. SORRY LET’S TRY AGAIN:
Our teacher forced us to use a quill
She was determined that we never would spill
Before I could blink
I was covered in ink
A schmuck named Joe drenched me with his refill
When Phil said, ‘I took a bad spill’
Folk sympathized with him until
It turned out his plight
Was his pipe wouldn’t light –
But with refill, and new spill, Phil’s will!
In aisle three I was cleaning a spill
Jars of pickles both sweet and dill
The mop wasn’t workin’
Then I slipped on a gherkin
To this day it’s lodged in me still
The challenge is, “Rhyme the word ‘spill'”
But nothing is coming, zip, nil
Each time this occurs
I let out lots of “grrrrrs”
And create one that’s run of the mill.
But YOUR lim’ricks – so clever, Phil
Just silly ones my brain does spill
Before I get jealous
Please won’t you just tell us
The secret of your rhyming skill?
Fats Domino had a nasty spill
On his way to Blueberry Hill
He got caught in a tree
And split open his knee
It really wasn’t such a thrill
Suzanne likes my rhymes; what a thrill
That such praise she is willing to spill
Suz, if you’re that smitten
With what I have written
Let’s smooch in my old Coupe de Ville!
While in the back seat, I’ll revill
Something more than just my rhyming skill
With your foot out the winda
You’ll learn my agenda
Is other than secrets to spill.
Mad I think the rhyming in “Please remember you pill”
would sound better if it was “to create our LITTLE Johnny or Jill”
If you agree, can you change it?
Thank You
From Mad Kane: “Little’ has too many syllables, but “li’l” fits and creates an internal rhyme so I added it.
A rendezvous could be a thrill
As long as you’re willing to spill
More lim’ricks than semen
You limerick demon
I first must consult my free will.
Before you think I’m gonna spill
All the beans of what gives me a thrill
I’m not easy, not sleazy
Blind dates make me queasy
And what if I’m over the hill?
The cops put the perp on the grill.
Said, “You’ll get a light sentence to spill
The beans on your crony.”
His response, “That’s baloney.
I’d be top of his list for a kill.”
Young William felt well up until
He gathered, “My guts I must spill”
He vented his vomit
And couldn’t quite calm it
The hospital harbored ill Will.
Come to think of it, that may explain why Mr. Laughlin hasn’t yet sent in an entry this week. But that’s just speculation. I hope I’m not right.
I beg you, friend, not to spill
The beans about me and Bill
We’ll meet at eight
During the debate
She’ll never know he had his thrill
Hubby, my dear, you’re dressed to kill
Your favorite clothes scarcely show a spill
Now go out for lunch
And have a good munch
(While I donate your attire to the local Goodwill)
(Mad: improvement of previous limerick)
I beg you, my friend, not to spill
The beans about me and Bill
We’ll meet at eight
During the debate
And she’ll never know that he had his thrill
Their lives took a big nasty spill
When Wifey stopped taking the pill
Their budget’s forlorn
As quintuplets were born
Now they have five more mouths to fill.
For boozers it’s really a skill
To hold a full glass and not spill
I won’t put you through it
But here’s how you do it
Just sit in one spot and stay still.
The sidewalks are fine just until
They’re icy and you take a spill
If you sue the city
Your prospects ain’t pretty
You’ll trip on red tape, slip downhill.
If porcupines give you a thrill
Just don’t touch a single damn quill
Because if you do
No pity for you
If some of your blood you might spill.
A bottle I opened did spill
A genie, who said, “I’ll fulfil
Every wish and desire
But since I’m for hire
That means I will send you a bill.”
The Bible says, “Thou shalt not kill”
And nobody’s blood may you spill
But if you are evil
And create upheaval
Then all bets are off – no goodwill!
If you make your way to the still
No drop of that moonshine should spill
I don’t mean to grill you
But I’d have to kill you
But other than that, drink your fill.
We ladies at “Senior Hill”
Have shaky hands, so we spill
Our coffee or tea
But we never flee
From a man who gives us a thrill
NOT A DUPLICATE
We ladies at “Senior Hill”
Have shaky hands, so we spill
Our coffee or tea
But we never flee
From MEN who give us a thrill!
(Phil Graham vs. Suzanne Heymann:)
An impertinent fellow called Phil
Thought Suzanne might allow him to spill
More than humorous verses,
But she told him – curses! –
His chance of succeeding is nil.
Before creating your bitter pill
there’s many bad lemons to spill
mix with your resent
of those most content
to sit and co-opt your free will.
If ya guts to da Feds ya should spill
Da mob will come ’round and ya kill
When ya joined ya did swear ta
Be true to Omerta
Now swim wid da fishes ya will
There once was a lady named Jill
Who got her water uphill
But she spilled her bucket
And exclaimed, “Oh f*** it”
All of my water did spill.
(To David R., Brian A., and Suzanne H.)
It seems you’ve each coaxed me to fill
Five more lines with one ending in ‘spill’
On my own I can blather,
So please, I would rather
You didn’t each act like a shill.
Just kidding! I love the back-and-forth banter.
When eating a pickle, don’t spill
Any juice on floor, table or sill
‘Twill metastasize flies
Out of nowhere (surprise!)
They are drawn in by both sweet and dill.
More thrill of your skill, Phil (you shill)
More rhymes you continue to spill
It’s like serenading
You’re almost persuading
My thoughts about your Coupe de Ville.
It’s time that the beans I must spill
I’m no satyr, I’m over the hill
So you can stop dreamin’
Of taking my semen
Besides, Suz, my Caddy’s not real.
I know that, you silly old shill
Such fantasy rhymes are a skill
‘Twas fun while it lasted
And deftly broadcasted
Can’t wait to see next what you spill!
Your latest, Suzanne, was just bril!
‘Twould win if the judge were named Phil
I’ve now given up
On a win of “Mad’s Cup”
And I think I’ll just sit for a spill.
Many men, when they’re seeking a thrill
They drop trow and their spooge they will spill
If you’re stroking your sack
Then it just means you “jack”
If you’re female, adjust it to “jill”.
An apprenticing garbage-man Bill
Wandered through the dump falling in spill.
Said he, with contrition,
“I’ve now lost my ambition.
I’ve had already more than my fill.”
A moonshiner’s wife took a spill.
After she passed away, he would fill
A jar, lay in the shade,
Drink the brew she had made.
I was clear to all he loved her still.
Thanks so much everyone for another fun week of limericks. This Limerick-Off is officially over. And the winner is…
Congratulations to the Limerick of the Week Winner and the Honorable Mention Winners: Limerick of the Week 234.
But you can still have lots of limerick fun because a new Limerick-Off has just begun: Limerick-Off Score.