Halloween, when the teens come around,
They will surely be sugar-high bound.
Will they scarf up their treats
While they’re combing the streets?
Yes they’ll feast as the pavement they pound.
Archive for October, 2015
Halloween Teens (Limerick)
Friday, October 30th, 2015The Felonious Feline (Limerick)
Thursday, October 29th, 2015Just in time for National Cat Day (Oct 29):
Dear cat, you can’t dupe me with purr-bull,
And you don’t deserve anything herbal.
No treats and no pity,
Felonious kitty!
I’ve proof that you’ve eaten my gerbil.
It’s Raining Acrostic Limericks
Wednesday, October 28th, 2015Rather wet is the weather today.
Also terribly gloomy, I’d say.
It’s so nasty, I’m glad
Not to need something bad.
You can bet from my house I won’t stray.
If It’s Too Good To Be True, It Ain’t! (Limerick)
Wednesday, October 28th, 2015Stop getting yourselves into jams
By falling for Internet scams.
If you’re lured by a post
Or an email, you’re toast.
So say bye to your bread. They’re all shams.
Just In Time For “National Potato Day” (Limerick)
Tuesday, October 27th, 2015Happy National Potato Day! (October 27)
A woman with terrible taste
Cooked potatoes that tasted like paste.
“I just can’t choke them down,”
Growled her spouse with a frown.
“Now I know where the Elmer’s misplaced.”
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: ROAD or RODE or ROWED at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, October 24th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using ROAD or RODE or ROWED at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Said a sandal-clad man on the road
To his newly bought country abode,
“Though I don’t mean to quibble,
I just felt a nibble.
Could my toes have encountered a toad?”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (236)
Saturday, October 24th, 2015It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to TIM JAMES, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Tim James:
Rhett Butler made many heads turn
When he dealt sobbing Scarlett that burn.
A true Southern gent
Would have said as he went:
“Mah dear, Ah just don’t give a durn.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kathy El-Assal, Brian Allgar, Dave Johnson, and Konrad Schwoerke. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kathy El-Assal:
The personna for whom viewers yearn
Is a Tina-as-Palin type turn
Who’ll earn kudos and laughs
For quaint quirks and fun gaffes.
That’s why SNL’s feeling the Bern.
Brian Allgar:
Said the preacher, “Just listen and learn –
You sinners are all gonna burn!
Your transgression enrages
The Good Lord – the wages
Of sin will be paid in an urn.”
Dave Johnson:
The candles continue to burn;
She’s intent on fulfilling a yearn.
But his focus instead
Is SportsCenter, not bed;
It looks like he might miss a turn.
Konrad Schwoerke:
She was not one her trainer should spurn,
But he did, and she swore he would learn.
So because of her ire,
She lit him on fire,
Then asked, “Are you feeling the burn?
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Enforcer Madness (Limerick)
Thursday, October 22nd, 2015Headline of the Day: “Heavily armed drug cops raid retiree’s garden, seize okra plants.”
If you’re targeting reefer in mass,
Keep in mind: It’s best NOT to harass
Those with innocent crops.
So be well-informed cops.
Learn the dif between okra and grass.
Is There Anything Men Won’t Have Sex With? (Limerick)
Tuesday, October 20th, 2015Here’s something that just doesn’t track:
Having sex with a tractor is whack!
But a Brit was arrested.
His crime? He molested
Deere rears, which must now watch their back.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: BURN at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, October 17th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using BURN at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman was feeling the burn
While working to firm up her stern.
“But your butt is perfection!”
Was hubby’s objection.
“It’s a rear end I’m learning to earn.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (235)
Saturday, October 17th, 2015It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
That new composition’s a bore:
Just hear how the listeners snore.
(The composer, though, knows
That they’re likely to doze:
He’s written them into the score.)
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Ailsa McKillop, David Reddekopp, and Dave Johnson. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
He took up his chisel to score
A design on his new stable-door.
When the horse tried to bolt
He just took out his Colt
And shot it. His colt is no more.
Ailsa McKillop:
Allusions there were by the score
(The meter; a raven; Lenore)
In my parody, terse.
But so few knew Poe’s verse
That there seemed little point. Nevermore.
David Reddekopp:
The troops came and told me the score
About why they were fighting the war:
“We make war, since you wonder,
For pillage and plunder.”
I said “You’re corrupt!” to the corps.
Brian Allgar: (A variant on an old story)
“If I offered a million to score,
Would you let me have sex with you?” “Sure!”
When he said “And ten bucks
For a couple of fucks?”,
She exclaimed “Do you think I’m a whore?”“With all due respect”, replied he,
We’ve established, I think you’ll agree,
What you are beyond doubt.
Now we’re haggling about
The amount you’ll accept as your fee.”
David Reddekopp: (Turning Twix)
“Oh, Henry,” says Candy, the whore.
She Snickers, “would you like to Skor?
For a modest PayDay
You’ll have your Milky Way.”
But his Aero has hurt her; she’s sore.
Dave Johnson:
Whenever you’re ready to score,
Our product can help with the chore.
With just one little pill
You’ll keep going until
You are both really happy – or sore.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Dictionary Day (Limerick)
Friday, October 16th, 2015It’s National Dictionary Day, created in honor of Noah Webster’s birthday.
I attempt to learn new words each day–
At least one, sometimes two, but they stray;
Seems as new words are learned,
The old ones are spurned:
“You’re evicted!” those brain-hoggers bray.
Let Them Eat … Insects? (Limerick)
Thursday, October 15th, 2015Are bugs more nutritious than meat?
In a study on what we should eat,
The answer was “yes.”
I am bugged and confess
That I’d sooner eat peat or concrete.
It’s “Train Your Brain Day” (Limerick)
Tuesday, October 13th, 2015I’d almost forgotten to say
That it’s “Train Your Brain Day.” Yes, today!
Like most people, my brain’s
Badly trained. It campaigns
To unceasingly lead me astray.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: SCORE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Sunday, October 11th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using SCORE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A singer was trying to score
With a woman who thought him a bore.
Though he tried to impress her,
He’d never undress her
Cuz hearing his voice was a chore.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (234)
Sunday, October 11th, 2015It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
On Twitter, his words start to spill
Late at night, and he probably will
Find a way to abuse
Anyone in the news
Who refuses to trumpet his swill.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Yt cai, Tim James, Dave Johnson, Daisy Mae Simon, and Brian Allgar. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Yt cai:
In aisle three, I was cleaning a spill;
Jars of pickles, some sweet and some dill.
The mop wasn’t workin’
I slipped on a gherkin.
To this day it is lodged in me still.
Tim James:
Phil the bear hunter, out for a kill,
Dropped his rifle on taking a spill.
He rolled downhill and then
Straight into a den.
Lucky bears. They’ve now eaten their Phil.
Dave Johnson:
Our waiter had managed to spill
The wine from a glass he did fill.
It fell on her dress,
A terrible mess;
We’re adding a tip to his bill.
Daisy Mae Simon:
Too many think guns are a thrill,
But their purpose is solely to kill.
Mass shootings? “Let’s pray,”
Say the pro-NRA.
Rinse, repeat. How much blood can they spill?
Brian Allgar:
He tried very hard not to spill
The eggs that he’d beaten with dill,
But gave up in despair.
For an omelette, rare,
Simply cannot be cooked on the grill.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick Ode To “World Egg Day”
Friday, October 9th, 2015Happy World Egg Day! (October 9)
On “World Egg Day” a Facebooker begs:
“Kindly stop cracking wise about eggs.”
I’ll concede we’ve been laying
Some eggs, but quit braying;
We aren’t yet down to the dregs.
Not Showering Bathtubs With Praise (Limerick)
Wednesday, October 7th, 2015Happy Bathtub Day! (October 7)
When it’s time to get clean, we can choose
Either shower or bathtub — I’ll use
A hot shower each time
Cuz I hate soapy slime,
And in tubs the slime clings like tattoos.
Stop Badgering Me! (Limerick)
Tuesday, October 6th, 2015You can stop badgering me: I’ve written a National Badger Day limerick.
Though I don’t mean to badger or nag,
Your attention has started to lag
When it comes to my craze
For animal days.
My proof? Where’s your “Badger Day” flag?
