Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: VAIN or VEIN or VANE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either VAIN or VEIN or VANE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A nurse who would often complain
About doctors was ordered to rein
In her practice, or face
Being sacked in disgrace.
She got bloodied in court — sued in vain.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Tags: Competition Limerick, Doctors Humor, Health & Medical Humor, Legal & Lawyer Humor, Limerick Challenge, Limerick Contest, Nurse, Poetry & Prompts, Writing Prompts
A stallion was going insane
While flirting with fillies in vain.
Said the horse, named Hilyer,
“Your pace looks familiar,
But I cannot remember your mane.”
Boy brushed paint on his stomach; he’s vain.
“It is permanent,” parents complain.
Sis chose not to do it.
I s’pose that you knew it
Was a case where they both did abstain.
I’m in love with my neighbor named Jane,
But entreaties to her are in vain.
There’s much heartbreak for me.
In my house I will be
Looking out of my window through the pain.
There’s an egotist who is so vain
And self-centered he’s really a pain.
Since he talks without end
‘Bout himself, people tend
To avoid him. It’s too much I strain.
There once was a woman named Jane,
From heroin couldn’t refrain.
She attempted to quit,
But then had to admit
Her efforts were, sadly, in vein.
(I make no apology for using two famous (though apocryphal) spoonerisms.)
Dr Spooner would struggle in vain
With his speech, and was heard to complain:
“You’re not students, you’re germs –
You have tasted two worms,
And must leave by the soonest town drain.”
Though Ken Starr ran a vicious campaign,
The impeachment attempt was in vain,
And President Clinton,
Unlike his poor intern,
Left office with nary a stain.
(The last line may be thought arguable …)
When angry, just don’t go insane
If so, you just might pop a vein
So, to avoid death
Just take a deep breath
And from all sharp objects abstain.
My race can be kind and humane
But other times, bitch and complain
A German who’ll pout
Is a mean sour kraut
To cheer one would be done in vain.
Snow White’s stepmother was vain
A queen who was mean and insane
She talked to a mirror
And seemed to be nearer
A borderline nutcase in pain.
A self-loving rooster’s terrain
A barn roof to look o’er the plain
His calling he’d found
As the wind blows him ’round
He’s a proud cocky smug weathervain.
This humor blog made by MadKane
It endlessly will entertain
Though I’ve never won
To read them is fun
And writing them’s never in vain.
Most think taking drugs is insane
For they know it’ll mess with their brain
It’s advice which sounds funky
To a heroin junkie
They won’t take it – unless it’s in vein.
Damn, I was beaten to it…
Count Dracula pounced in the lane,
And she felt in her arm a sharp pain.
“Don’t worry”, he quipped
As he nibbled and sipped,
“I am just in a humerus vein”.
Mad’s seen this one before, a couple months ago, written as a thank-you for re-igniting my passion for limerick-writing. But it actually qualifies for this week’s contest.
At one time I was wracking my brain
When composing a verse, ’twas in vain
I’ve recovered my muse
Which I feared I would lose
And it’s all thanks to Madeleine Kane.
Humerus vein
good one Brian
Bird Brain Farmer
A farmer who found the right vein
of his girl, he found way too vain
built a tall tower
for clean pure power
and used her stiff body as vane.
A nerdy professor who’s vain
And crazy and runs on propane
He’s limping in pain
And he swears with disdain
He’s a profane, insane brain with cane.
Good health is not hard to maintain
It helps if you’re just a bit vain
That way you’ll look good
And feel great like you should
Healthy food, exercise and less strain.
She attempted to diet in vain;
Whenever she felt hunger pain,
She just gobbled up snacks.
Like the moon, she would wax,
But she never could manage to wane.
The bimbo was modest, not vain.
“Of my body I cannot complain.
But my surgeon is swell
With the silicone gel,
So I’ve asked him to implant a brain.”
Her blood she asked him to drain
“No thanks,” he exclaimed, “ I’ll abstain.”
You look much too gaunt
Full-figured I want
A meal of a different vein.
The male peacock’s strut is so vain
To arouse the peahen with his train
He’d strut to and fro
Stunning feathers to show.
And then do it all once again.
The rooster on a weather vane
Makes lovely, what could have been plain.
It’s just symbolic
Of country, bucolic.
The wind course would show just the same.
I don’t think I’m flighty or vain,
I just give my daydreams free rein.
Creative and wild
Seduced and beguiled
As long as I don’t seem mundane.
He’d rather smoke Mary Jane
Then shoot up some dope in his vein
But neither is good
That he understood.
The smart thing to do is abstain.
A guy who was wealthy and vain
Tried wooing with jewels and champagne.
But his words were crude
His actions were lewd.
Her only response was disdain.
‘Twas apparent she wasn’t Mark Twain.
Her attempts to get laughs were in vain.
So she wrote a French thriller
With taxi cab killer
Who drives all his victims in Seine.
A coxcomb incredibly vain
Strutted hither and yon with his cane.
Though the smart little cock
Was the cock of the walk,
It transpired he was nothing but vane.
“Shear my coat?” thought the horse, “That’s insane!”
She resisted; alas, ’twas in vain.
After horse had been shorn,
She was sad and forlorn,
And her cry was Remember The Mane!
The compression socks worn by Lorraine
Were designer-made, didn’t look plain.
She wore them each day,
Caused people to say
That the reason’s because she’s so vein.
Her assignment, in French, La Fontaine:
To study a crow who is vain.
“Corbeau” drops his “fromage”
When fox praises “plumage.”
En Franglais, one would say, “Quel birdbrain!”
Pity Buckingham, hoping to gain
Favor, after the princes were slain.
But his hopes came to naught;
Dick the Third pissed he got,
And admonished, “I’m not in the vein.”
(“Richard III”, Act IV, Scene 2)
Random thoughts of love exit the brain
Causing many who think them chest pain
It’s certain that Cupid
Believes that it’s stupid
To shoot off his arrows in vein.
Young Gary (a gay guy, it’s plain)
Once tried a vagina, in vain
It just wouldn’t stick
He’s addicted to dick
He won’t go near a girl’s gash again.
Mad, would it be okay if I gave you a choice on this one? Add it to my previous verse if you feel it makes it better, and if not, then don’t.
One time from the sky men would rain
In the wind they would wax and would wane
And he knows where he goes
Where the wind (like him) blows
He will just have to follow the vane.
He once met a wanker named Wayne
And had lost all the blood to his brain
It rerouted instead
To his huge lower head
And would stick in his thick throbbing vein.
An actress who looks like MadKane
(I am sure it would not make her vain)
Her double/ her clone
From ‘Romancing the Stone’
I believe Kathleen Turner’s her name.
(no, not an attempt to butter her up
I say what I see; go yourself, look it up)
*****
(From Mad Kane: Now you’ve gone and made me blush. :) Thanks Suzanne!)
For golfers who’ve struggled in vain
I’ve decided to finally explain
My special golf diet.
I know once they try it
That par snips on greens they’ll retain.
Vanity
It is not in your blood, running through any major vein
Vanity is not in a heart but in mind, it should not reign
Feeling superiour you will find, you will wind up, worse
A bad trait mainly does, because, no blessing, a curse
Keep blood inside your veins, no use for a blood stain
Henk Prijs
In vain he consulted the vane
In seeking a windfall to gain;
With Lady Luck, though,
You never do know,
And, done in that vein, it’s a pain.
Mama said not to be vain
It’s better to be a “plain Jane”
But overall
I still had a ball
She failed to tell me “Don’t abstain”
One gal is extremely vain
The other one is kind of plain
Be as it may
We all must pray
Till the end of the campaign
I learned to never be vain
And of course to always abstain
I had a girl
And named her Pearl
It must have been the champagne
I’ve struggled at length, but in vain:
Is the Donald an ass, or insane?
But what media sells
Ain’t his open-mouthed yells,
But the size of his overdone mane.
My husband is very vain
Sometimes inhumane
I must admit
I’m quite a twit
I’m always yanking his chain
The nurse couldn’t find my vein
And then she became inhumane
She jabbed me so hard
I was permanently scarred
The doc said, “You’re fired, Miss Jane”
Often dubbed ‘the best movie ever made’ – ‘Citizen Kane’
About a rich man wanting love yet tries to buy it, in vain
Orson Welles, the way he tells, swell, making intellect sell
In interviews he did not dwell, success to him seemed hell
Modesty is a rosebud in a strong brain yet it drives insane
Henk Prijs
When you’re having abdominal pain
Before cat-scan, you get dye in vein
This helps them to see
Why it hurts when you pee
And insures that you won’t die in vain.
I stood on my roof in the rain
Showing off my Bean clothes made in Maine
Wife yelled, “This is fright’ning!
What if there’s some lightning?
I cannot believe you’re so vane.”
When God said “Don’t take My name in vain”
He did not even try to explain
What He goddamn well meant
Christ, how will I prevent
My committing a sin so profane?
If you book her, the hooker will gain
Every drop from your dick she could drain
Not a gram left of goo hid
She would sap all your fluid
Be it cum or blood from every vein.
What’s that object obscured by the rain?
If the question is breaking your brain
To determine the wind
Raise your hand, then rescind
You’ll find out (if you doubt) whether vane.
Knock On Wood
a young stud who hurried in vain
to dump his sweet load in Lorane
some six hours later
lay in a crater
now bedboard was holding back gain.
a young stud who hurried in vain
to dump his sweet load in Lorane
some six hours later
lay in a crater
Lorane, not in pain, just a stain.
My condolences :-))
A monarch from Denmark (not vain)
In her reign suffered serfs with no pain
When they’d visit their liege
She’d use noblesse oblige
Which gave us the term, “A Great Deign.”
Donald Trump is so extremely vain
That when it started to rain
He put on a bonnet
With gold trim upon it
Which he acquired during his illustrious reign
They claimed it was fast and humane
As the needle slipped into his vein,
But the drugs were defective;
The prison directive?
Two aspirin to help with the pain.
They claimed it was fast and humane
As the needle slipped into his vein,
But the drugs were defective;
The prison directive?
Two aspirin to help with the pain.
… Struggling with my wife ´s new iPad
The pilot had shot up a vein
And had trouble controlling the plane.
He was looping the loop
With a hillbilly whoop,
And I wished had taken the train.
I complain of the weather in vain.
What good does it do to complain?
If its raining or blazing
Snowing or hazing
My weather vane shafts me, madkane.
(The Reader’s Digest version)
“You are welcome, my Lord”, said the Thane.
But that evening, they slit Duncan’s vein.
“You are King by his death”‘
Gloated Lady Macbeth,
“Until Birnam Wood reach Dunsinane.”
“I am not in the limerick vein”,
Brian Allgar was heard to complain.
Then something quite horrid
Appeared on his forehead –
The much-to-be-feared mark of Kane!
(No, no, Madeleine, I was’t referring to THAT Mark!)
Improvement on my previous version, but in the same vein!
In vain he consulted the vane
In seeking a windfall to gain;
But how winds will blow,
One never can know,
So, done in that vein, it’s a pain.
I tried to get off of the plane,
But bumped into Madeleine Kane.
She talked all day long.
My judgment was wrong
I ended up somewhere in Spain.
In vain I am wracking my brain
I’m vain but I’m making no gain
I have not a doubt
it cometh to nought
God, detox my Limerick vein!
The scene is darlin’, it’s set in Arlen:
Hank Hill’s spent his life in propane
The stage of Bill’s sloth is insane
Dale and John Redcorn quibble
Over Nancy Hicks-Gribble
Try to understand Boomhauer, in vain.
You have to be very vain
To join the current campaign
You should bleach your hair,
Find trendy things to wear
Then try not to go insane
Henry Higgins enunciates “rain”
Then he goes on and on in that vein.
His repeated refrain
On the weather in Spain
In the main gives me pain. Is that plain?
From the castle where the king would reign,
Appeared a dark shadow by the window pane.
As it passed slowly by,
It sort of waved bye-bye,
At its reflection, now isn’t that vain?
Kelly kept staring at the weather vane,
To see her reflection, oh, how vain!
It was spinnin, and spinnin,
She leaned in and put her chin in,
But, it caught her neck and sliced her jugglar vein.
She regards me with utter disdain.
I, in turn, think she’s empty and vain.
I admit that she’s hot
But her main mode of thought
Is a tricycle more than a train.
Not the kind of thing you wanna learn by experience.
Don’t sever your jugular vein
Each moment brings me much more pain
And it won’t stop hurting
Too much blood is spurting
Help soon, or it shuts down my brain.
@Brian —
Each night since the Old King was slain,
They’ve been muttering words in this vein:
“Out, brief candle / damn’d spot…!”
A suspicion I’ve got
The Macbeths aren’t totally Thane.
We get high in a church, me ‘n’ Jane,
And they catch us. We try to explain:
“We’re just trippin’ on Jesus!”
They still come and seize us,
For “taking the Lord’s name in vein.”
A fellow, exceedingly vain,
Serenaded his own window-pane…
But he failed to appear.
The betrayal was clear —
In a duel with himself, he was slain!
Though the moralists used to complain
‘Bout the sensuous Fourth of Alfvén,
Hugo wrote the above
For his Mother (with love) —
Three guesses which side was insane?
(True story: Swedish composer Hugo Alfvén’s Fourth Symphony was considered almost pornographic when it was written, around the turn of the 20th century.)
The composer limericks aren’t my thing, but…
Carl Nielsen would not work in vain
His operas would entertain
It’s clear he’s not doggin’
It. In Copenhagen
They deem him indeed a great Dane.
Happy birthday, Madeleine!
It’s the birthday of Madeleine Kane
As for giving her cake, I’d refrain
For that many a candle
The firemen can’t handle
Their valiant efforts, in vain.
LOL! Thanks for writing me a birthday limerick David!
Too many candles, indeed! :)
Hilary is known to be vain
Her e-mails have much to explain
Her secret notes
May cause her votes
It’s time for eminent domain
Nurse Priss jabbed my incorrect vein
She panicked and had to explain
But blood spewed everywhere
And to her shameful despair
It caused a hole in her brain
As Dracula searched for a vein
He gazed upon Harriet Vane
Lord Peter said, “My God!”
Ran him through with a rod
But the selfie was totally vain
At a party I acted urbane
But it went against one woman’s grain
I just wore a cravat
In the shade ‘apricot’
And it made Carly sing, “You’re so vain.”
Count Vlad was once heard to complain
That they blame him when someone is slain.
“Had a bite with my buddy
So my fangs came out bloody.”
His protest was largely in vein.
Said the rooster who sat on the vane,
“It’s my job, so I deal with the rain.
But tornadoes I fear,
Killing sunshine and cheer:
Dizzy spinning doth drive me insane.”
He tried texting while driving in vain.
It seemed too much strain on his brain.
He tried using crack
To get back on track.
His bewildered last testing was “TRAIN”.
It’s not so smart for a gal to be vain
Her friends will view her with much disdain
She might feel lonely
But she’ll be the only
One who’s drinking imported champagne
I don’t mean to sound very vain
But my best friend treats me like the Queen of Spain
She has such compassion
In a heartfelt fashion
Her name is Lola: my loving Great Dane
“Why is it that you act so vain
And refuse any screws when there’s rain?”
Wife replied, “You see, dear,
It makes bay window smear;
I can think just of cleaning the pane.”
My hubby of 40 years
Is handsome and rather vain
When he started to cough
His toupee fell off
So now he’s trying Rogaine
The British are sometimes vain
Some think Americans profane!
They go to the loo
Eat Mulligan stew
And pronounce this: “now and agAAin”
correction :
And pronounce this “now and agAAn”
My boyfriend is not really vain
But sometimes he’s a great big pain
He’s as cheap as they come
So I had to succumb
To a stroll down “Memory Lane”
“Why is it that you act so vain
And refuse me a fuck to obtain?
It’s hard to get naughty
With someone so haughty
Do tell — have you ever been lain?”
(Yes, I know the p.p. of lay is laid — but it doesn’t rhyme.)
The Batman, it seems, is quite vain.
He gained weight after battling Bane.
He just went on a diet
(Ms. Kyle bade him try it).
His friends now are watching Bruce Wane.
Young Hamlet, that sad, vengeful Dane,
Capped his play in a murderous vein:
Heaps of stiffs on the floor
In a large pool of gore.
Osric cried, “I won’t mop up that stain!”
Californians worry in vain.
It is water they have on the brain.
They seek a solution
To dryness pollution.
They all wish that the gov’nor would reign.