Go With The Flow? It’s A No! (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I rarely just go with the flow.
My temper’ment makes me say “no”
To the trends that prevail.
I’ve an impulse to rail,
So I won’t hold my water. No go!
Archive for September, 2015
Go With The Flow? It’s A No! (Limerick)
Wednesday, September 30th, 2015The Crime Of “Near Rhyme” (Limerick)
Monday, September 28th, 2015When trying to rhyme, a dead end
Just might daunt you and tempt you to bend
Lim’rick rules just a bit,
Giving sticklers a fit.
Don’t descend to near rhyming. Forfend!
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: CHOW or CIAO at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Sunday, September 27th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either CHOW or CIAO at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A woman said “Ciao!” to her chow
When she heard it emit a meow.
She was vexed and upset;
Though her vet swore her pet,
Was a canine, that gal had a cow.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (232)
Sunday, September 27th, 2015It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to KATHY EL-ASSAL, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever Acrostic Limerick:
Culled by Carly, the workers got canned.
And at H.P., her tenure was panned.
Re-emerging to fight,
Lobbing zingers far right,
Yessiree, she could F up the land.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Tim James, Dave Johnson, David Reddekopp, Phil Graham, Diane Groothuis, and ROBERT SCHECHTER. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Tim James:
Dr. Frankenstein searched through the land
For each muscle, limb, organ and gland.
Yet his beast makes no fist;
Both arms end at the wrist.
Ain’t he great, folks? Let’s give him a hand!
Dave Johnson:
A bottle was found in the sand
With a note from a far-away land.
“We’ll come to your shore
Like so many before…
But not ’till The Trumpster is canned.”
David Reddekopp:
The gift that we gave her was grand.
She no longer relied on her hand.
On the sofa sat Alice
With vibrating phallus,
And Alice was in Wonderland.
Phil Graham:
Just a banjo, no need for a band,
As the embers of justice he fanned.
Folk music’s more meager
Since losing Pete Seeger;
He “hammered all over this land.”
Diane Groothuis:
He came with his hat in his hand,
Apology practiced and planned:
“I am sorry my dear
For bruising your ear.
That blowfly was trying to land.”
Robert Schechter:
In farms found throughout this great land,
There’s a rule that all cows understand,
And it’s so fundamental!
When milking, be gentle.
Don’t yank on the mammary gland.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Technology Saves The Day? (Limerick)
Thursday, September 24th, 2015So what should a pragmatist do,
Who’s reluctant to stand in a queue
When the new iPhone 6
Is on sale? Easy fix:
Send a robot to buy one for you.
(Inspired by this news item about a woman who sent a “telepresence robot” to wait on a Sidney, Australia Apple store line and buy her an iPhone 6s.)
This Limerick’s No Lie
Wednesday, September 23rd, 2015A title like this cries out for a limerick: “The lies we tell are more convincing when we need to pee.”
Here’s a lesson from science ― the key
To a credible lie-telling spree:
A bladder that’s full
Leads to plausible bull.
Do your lying when desp’rate to pee.
Limerick of the Week (231)
Saturday, September 19th, 2015It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to ROBERT SCHECHTER, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Robert Schechter:
“I’ve lost my poor beak! Damn my luck!
Without it, my life will just suck.
They’re expensive, but face it:
I need to replace it.
Just send me the bill,” said the duck.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Adam Stern, Will T. Laughlin, Kathy El-Assal, Robert Schechter, and David Reddekopp. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Adam Stern:
A white Pekin with plenty of pluck
To the bartender strode, past the ruck.
“Hey, there! What’ll you choose?”
“I like nuts in my booze.”
“Try a hickory daiquiri, duck!”
Will T. Laughlin:
’Cross the barnyard the miscreant snuck,
And Farmer Buck’s buttocks he struck.
With a furious QUACK!
He began his attack…
Lemme tell you, that’s one piquing duck!
Kathy El-Assal:
Since Obama is now a lame-duck,
The Tea Party’s running amok:
Trumped up boasting’s applauded
While rumors are lauded,
Canards for the Fox crowd to pluck.
Robert Schechter:
When the goose fell in love with the duck,
His mom and his dad went amok.
“We find it distressing
And don’t give our blessing!
She’s American. You’re a Canuck!”
David Reddekopp:
A duck and a rabbit? What luck!
A dilemma – poor Elmer is stuck.
Some believe that Bugs Bunny
Was fiendishly funny
To say it’s the season for duck.But I reckon the rabbit’s a schmuck.
If you sell out your friend, then you suck.
Shots went by the duck’s head.
Should he drop and play dead?
What I’d do is tell Daffy to duck.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Sanctioning The Word “Sanction” (Limerick)
Saturday, September 19th, 2015The word “sanction” is terribly flawed
Cuz its usage goes well beyond broad.
If you say that my act
Has been sanctioned, redact:
Did you penalize me, or applaud?
Ducking Controversy
Tuesday, September 15th, 2015“Sex with a duck” is bound to come up when the Limerick-Off rhyme word is “duck.” But I certainly didn’t expect a Facebook limerick argument over duck sex and animal rights.
Here was my light-hearted response to the dueling limerick writers:
I think sex with a duck would be foolish,
While sex with foie gras would be ghoulish.
With your species, please stick.
All else would be sick.
I’m strict about that, even mulish.
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: DUCK at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, September 12th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using DUCK at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
An underpaid man liked to duck
Out of work, buck his boss, run amok.
He’d go hunting for game–
Any bird you could name–
Though his favorite target was buck.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (230)
Saturday, September 12th, 2015It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
For golfers who’ve struggled in vain
I’ve decided to finally explain
My special golf diet.
I know once they try it
That par snips on greens they’ll retain.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Kirk Miller, Kathy El-Assal, Les a/k/a Colonialist, Bob Dvorak, Tim James, and Will T. Laughlin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Kirk Miller:
There once was a woman named Jane,
Who from heroin couldn’t refrain.
She attempted to quit,
But then had to admit
That her efforts were, sadly, in vein.
Kathy El-Assal:
’Twas apparent she wasn’t Mark Twain.
Her attempts to get laughs were in vain.
So she wrote a French thriller
With taxi cab killer
Who drives all his victims in Seine.
Les a/k/a Colonialist:
In vain he consulted the vane
In seeking a windfall to gain;
But how winds will blow,
One never can know,
So, done in that vein, it’s a pain.
Bob Dvorak:
I’ve struggled at length, but in vain:
Is the Donald an ass, or insane?
But what media sells
Ain’t his open-mouthed yells,
But the size of his overdone mane.
Tim James:
Henry Higgins enunciates “rain”
Then he goes on and on in that vein.
His repeated refrain
On the weather in Spain
In the main gives me pain. Is that plain?
Will T. Laughlin:
We get high in a church, me ‘n’ Jane,
And they catch us. We try to explain:
“We’re just trippin’ on Jesus!”
They still come and seize us,
For “taking the Lord’s name in vein.”
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Researchers Belabor The Obvious (Limerick)
Tuesday, September 8th, 2015Some facts are self-evident, including the results of this study of cats.
Researchers Belabor The Obvious (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Does a cat miss its owner and pout?
Just in case you were feeling some doubt,
Felines ain’t like a hound,
A study has found.
It took science to figure this out?
Limerick-Off Monday – Rhyme Word: VAIN or VEIN or VANE at the end of Line 1 or 2 or 5
Saturday, September 5th, 2015It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either VAIN or VEIN or VANE at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A nurse who would often complain
About doctors was ordered to rein
In her practice, or face
Being sacked in disgrace.
She got bloodied in court — sued in vain.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick of the Week (229)
Saturday, September 5th, 2015It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAVID REDDEKOPP, who wins Limerick of the Week for this clever verse:
To me, it won’t cease to amaze
How a priest’s not policed for his ways.
When he buggers boys’ butts?
Reassignment. That’s nuts!
And the priest, he still preaches, and preys.
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Will T. Laughlin, Kirk Miller, Brian Allgar, Tim James, Adam Stern, Scott Crowder, and Ian Graham. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Will T. Laughlin:
May McCray has created a craze.
But although May’s maize maze may amaze,
Rose’s rose rows once rose
Where the maize maze now grows,
And they’ll raze the maze one of these days.
Kirk Miller:
He embarked on a dieting craze.
The results never ceased to amaze.
When he stepped on the scale,
Loss of weight he would hail.
It was clear he was changing his weighs.
Brian Allgar:
Mozart’s output was one to amaze;
Though still young at the end of his days,
And approaching defeat
In making ends meet,
He left more than 600K’s.*
*Mozart’s works were catalogued by Ludwig Ritter von Köchel, and go up to K626 (the Requiem.)
Tim James:
The cannibals roasted some maize
And prepared a nice sauce Hollandaise.
Then a rival tribe’s chief
Got thrown in as the beef.
It’s a worthy opponent they braise.
Adam Stern:
Carmen’s passion aroused Don José’s;
Maddalena, Andrea Chénier’s.
But Aida! She slipped
Herself into the crypt
Where she died with her beau, Radamès.
Brian Allgar:
To survive the political maze,
There are rules for these decadent days:
Just keep cheating and lying,
Vote-selling and buying –
In politics, crime always pays.
Scott Crowder:
Whenever I’m caught in a maze
Of beauties, I know where to gaze.
It’s right at my wife;
I value my life
And I’d like to see my golden days.
Ian Graham:
The maize farmer’s hoping for lays
’Mongst the chicks who get lost in his maze,
But a mad Martian jerk’ll
Append a crop circle
And have his strange way with the strays.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Fun With Language (2-Verse Limerick)
Saturday, September 5th, 2015Fun With Language (2-Verse Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Is there any original pun?
Is there wordplay that’s never been done?
With our language so strange
There’s unlimited range
To be playful, inventive, have fun.
We are homophone/homonym rich.
(Though ad hominem hits make me twitch.)
And later or sooner
The likes of Rev Spooner
Bewitch with the swull of a pitch.
