Limerick Ode To Bagpipe Appreciation Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
A spy was perturbed by the drone
From some bagpipes, a mind-numbing tone.
Though he wanted to pound
The source of that sound,
He held back, lest his cover be blown.
*****
UPDATE: November 19 is “National Blow Bagpipes Day.”
Limerick Ode To National Scotch Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I hate to complain or to carp.
About liquor it’s rare that I harp.
But I’d scotch any notion
Of drinking a potion
Whose wet-carpet smell is so sharp.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “JUNE” or “JEJUNE” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
Pooh-poohing the food as “jejune,”
She hurled her saloon menu, strewn
With fare labeled “fried.”
“What, no salad?” she cried.
So they tossed her — a palpable boon.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to WILL T. LAUGHLIN, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Said Irene to Eileen, “Am I late?”
Said Eileen to Irene, “I’m irate!
I lean in the lane
All alone in the rain –
Oh what wicked wet weather to wait!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Tim James, Kirk Miller, Dave Johnson, Pedro Poitevin, Will T. Laughlin, and Phil Graham. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
They had lent at so monstrous a rate
That it couldn’t be paid by the date,
For the interest fee
Was twice GNP,
So the bankers now own the Greek state.
Tim James:
A guy found a lady first-rate,
So he asked if she’d go on a date.
But she snapped, “You chew gum,
And it makes you look dumb!”
So he’ll stay home and just mast…icate.
Kirk Miller:
Though the woman heard goose was first rate
At the bistro, supposedly great,
The cook carelessly plucked
The main course; it was mucked.
She felt down in the mouth when she ate.
Dave Johnson:
A mistress grew very irate;
Her lover was chronically late.
One night, he would find
Her gift left behind:
A patient, inflatable mate.
Pedro Poitevin:
Behold my inflatable mate:
Her buttocks are truly first-rate!
I think that I must
Release all my lust
Before I begin to deflate.
Will T. Laughlin:
Donald Trump, at the Heavenly Gate
(Where Saint Peter had asked why he’d rate
An entrance therein),
Said, “If Pride is a sin,
Then it’s God’s fault he made me so great!”
Phil Graham:
I’m hoping to finally sate
My sex drive before it’s too late.
All the dollars I’ve paid
To those whores to get laid
Have my wife acting very irate.When we last bared our bodies to mate,
Can’t remember just how it did rate.
But my wife blew her chance
For steamy romance.
If she’d blown something else, I’d be great!
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Happy National Dance Day! (last Saturday of July)
I’ve learned that I’m taking a chance
Whenever I venture to dance
With my husband, who’s wild;
I’ll likely be piled
On the floor — never good for romance.
I Don’t Mean To Be Sharp, But… (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Though many still call it a “pound sign,”
I’ll bet “hashtag” becomes the renowned sign.
It’s the “number sign” too?
Plus an “octothorpe?” Boo!
And a “crosshatch?” My face bears a frowned sign.
Yesterday, July 20, was National Lollipop Day. So here’s my belated limerick:
Lollipop Ode (Limerick)
By Madeleine Begun Kane
I’m not a big lollipop fan;
They suck, much like sugary bran,
Though a Tootsie Roll Pop
Can be tempting to swap
For veggies or glop from a can.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “RATE” or “IRATE” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A fellow was growing irate
On a date with a gal who’d debate
Over politics, food–
What she hates or finds crude.
They agreed on just this: date not great.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to JON GEARHART, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
“The whole gold-digging life’s a hard sell,
But for me it works out pretty well.
Some don’t like ‘old guy love,’
But when push comes to shove
And I bid them farewell, I fair well!”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Dave Johnson, Fred Bortz, Stephen Fleming, Brian Allgar, Allen Wilcox, Johanna Richmond, and Pedro Poitevin. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Dave Johnson:
A phone with a really hard shell
When dropped, may not do very well.
Perhaps they could place
It inside a foam case;
The market could use a soft cell.
Fred Bortz:
By the seashore, her shells surely sell,
And her business is doing so well
That her Yiddische Mama
Declares with much drama
“Oy, Shirley, you’re making me kvell!”
Stephen B. Fleming:
The Donald believes he can sell
Himself as the Chief — “Do Pray Tell.”
But his immigrant smear
Caused a corp’rate Bronx cheer.
So to much of his fortune, “Farewell.”
Brian Allgar:
Dubya reckoned the deal would be swell,
Even though it meant going to hell,
But the Devil just laughed;
“Buy your soul? Don’t be daft–
You don’t even have one to sell.”
Allen Wilcox:
As he passed through the hot gates of Hell,
The sounds within started to swell.
The pain in his ears
Nearly drove him to tears
From the ringing that came from each cell.
Johanna Richmond:
How I MISS life before Mr. Cell
And his wife, Mrs. Cell, came to dwell
In our home — when our link
Involved warm flesh and kink
And our texting thumbs boldly wore gel.
Pedro Poitevin:
Through a tunnel he dug in his cell,
El Chapo descended to hell
And offered the devil
A lower mid-level
Position within his cartel.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Limerick Ode To Pandemonium Day
By Madeleine Begun Kane
Pandemonium Day has arrived,
A fete that sounds rather contrived,
Because chaos surrounds us,
Abounds and confounds us.
So don’t count on it being high-fived.
With all the renewed attention on Pluto, I’m hoping it will be re-designated a planet instead of a measly “dwarf planet.”
I often like staring at stars
And at planets, like Venus and Mars.
How I pity poor Pluto–
’Twas given the boot — oh
To be “plutoed” must surely leave scars.
Pluto Day is February 18th, in honor of its discovery on that day in 1930 at Lowell Observatory in Flagstaff, Arizona, by astronomer Clyde W. Tombaugh.
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using either “SELL” or “CELL” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
On hearing a rather hard sell,
The shopper said, “Yes it drives well.
But my husband’s emphatic:
Divorce? Automatic…
If I purchase a car in pastel.”
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to FRED BORTZ, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
Fred Bortz:
The authorities turned up the heat
On the ladies who walk on the street:
“You must lower your rates
For your bus’nessman dates.
How else can our city compete?”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) Brian Allgar, Sue Dulley, Dave Johnson, Diane Groothuis, and Phil Graham. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
Brian Allgar:
They were frolicking in the back seat
Like a bitch and a mongrel in heat,
When a sudden bright light
Gave the couple a fright.
“My turn next,” said the cop on the beat.”
Sue Dulley:
I’m a glutton for glutinous wheat;
As a treat, toast and jam’s hard to beat,
And I flee when I see
Food that’s tagged “gluten-free.”
(There, I said it. Please don’t give me heat!)
Dave Johnson:
They went to a swingers’ retreat
And saw lots of couples in heat.
There was a big dance
Where no one wore pants;
The members all swung to the beat.
Diane Groothuis:
When sales-people turn up the heat,
I do what I can to retreat.
They’re trying their luck
To make a quick buck.
As for me, I just vote with my feet.
Phil Graham:
A woman turned white as a sheet
When her cop friend was not too discreet.
She said, “Show me your Glock.”
What he heard, though, was “cock.”
So he proved he was packing some heat.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
I’d like the freedom
to not write haiku today,
but my brain insists.
*****
I am at the stage
where I like being on stage
with or without one.
*****
My near-rhyme rejects
turned limerick leftovers
find homes in haiku.
*****
I’m often impressed
by the drawing power
of unknown painters.
*****
Forgive and forget?
I keep meaning to forgive,
but I forget to.
*****
Your belief system
makes you feel superior?
Then it’s failing you.
*****
My muse goes yonder
as I wander in wonder
at time I squander.
*****
Spiders and crawlers
are welcome in my domain
if sent by Google.
*****
I should have prepared
for extemporization
but ran out of time.
*****
Music needs pauses;
I get restless when a piece
doesn’t have any.
*****
It’s Limerick-Off time, once again. And that means I write a limerick, and you write your own, using the same rhyme word. Then you post your limerick as a comment to this post and, if you’re a Facebook user, on Facebook too.
I hope you’ll join me in writing a limerick using “HEAT” at the end of Line 1 or Line 2 or Line 5. (Homonyms or homophones are fine.)
The best submission will be crowned Limerick Of The Week. (Here’s last week’s Limerick Of The Week Winner.)
How will your poems be judged? By meter, rhyme, cleverness, and humor. (If you’re feeling a bit fuzzy about limerick writing rules, here’s my How To Write A Limerick article.)
I’ll announce the Limerick of the Week Winner next Sunday, right before I post next week’s Limerick-Off. So that gives you a full week to submit your clever, polished verse. Your submission deadline is Saturday at 10:00 p.m. (Eastern Time.)
Here’s my limerick:
A flier is feeling the heat;
He’s racing and hoping to beat
A remarkable guy.
But it’s pie in the sky,
Cuz his pilot opponent is fleet.
Please feel free to write your own limerick using the same rhyme word and post it in my comments. And if you’re on Facebook, I hope you’ll join my friends in that same activity on my Facebook Limerick-Off post.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
It’s time to announce the latest Limerick of the Week based on submissions (on this blog and on Facebook) in last week’s Limerick-Off.
Congratulations to DAVE JOHNSON, who wins Limerick of the Week for this funny verse:
A collections attorney named Kirk
Desires a new line of work.
His resume states
The most obvious traits:
“An accomplished, professional jerk.”
And congratulations to these Honorable Mention winners (in random order) J Cosmo Newbery, Fred Bortz, Judith H. Block, Nate Levin, David Reddekopp, and Suzanne Heymann. Here are their respective Honorable Mention limericks:
J Cosmo Newbery:
She had a few drinks after work,
Then slept in the arms of a clerk
And dreamed of a life
As a happy young wife.
But, alas, she woke up with a jerk.
Fred Bortz:
She once loved his ev’ry sweet quirk.
She insisted each one was a perk.
But there’s little enjoyment
If spouse lacks employment,
So she dumped him, that work-shirking jerk.
Judith H. Block:
Be gentle, don’t pull, yank or jerk,
Tease, firmly caress — that will work.
You want him to last,
Not end it too fast;
To haunt him and drive him berserk.
Nate Levin
The G-O-P prez-field’s berserk,
And the typical member’s a jerk.
They’re reality flee-ers
With eyes on the Tea’ers.
Is this how a party should work?
David Reddekopp:
All men have a gherkin to jerk.
Most find that their jerkin’s a perk.
But woe to the guys
Who can’t make it rise,
And find that their gherkin won’t work.
Suzanne Heymann:
Each man in my life was a jerk,
So I’m single – a permanent quirk.
I JUST have it in me
That no one can win me—
A man is just too much hard work.
Congratulations again to all the winners for your wonderful limericks. And thanks to everyone for your fun submissions.
In the next couple of minutes I’ll be posting a new Limerick-Off, which gives you yet another opportunity to win Limerick Of The Week.
To receive an email alert whenever I post a new Limerick-Off, please email Madkane@MadKane.com Subject: MadKane’s Newsletter. Thanks!
Yet Another Donald Trump Limerick
By Madeleine Begun Kane
The Donald’s a pain in the rump.
Just seeing his name makes me jump
And turn grumpy and peeved,
So I’m rather relieved:
Macy’s dumping the “fashion” line “Trump.”
(More Donald Trump humor here.)
Mad Kane (Madeleine Begun Kane) is a writer, musician, and "recovering lawyer." She won the Robert Benchley Society Award For Humor and enjoys writing limericks, song parodies, and current events haiku.
You can email her at madkane@madkane.com, visit her political humor blog, or stop by her home page.
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